Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 4

Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 4
Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 4
Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 4
It's an epic episode of Pretty Little Liars featuring a tutorial on how to get away with (first-degree) murder. We also get sappy love triangle drama, steamy elevator sex, and most importantly Queen Jenna’s magnificent return from the underworld!
Pretty Little Liars Recaps » Season 7 Episode 4 » Hit and Run, Run, Run
  • This is the episode with the most epic Spaleb moment ever.
  • This is the episode where Spencer loses her butt virginity to Detective Furey.
  • IT GOTTA BE FIRST! DEGREE! MURDERRRR!!! ...according to Spencer anyway.
  • Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 4 Review

    EPIC!!!

    PLL Recap: Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 4

    This episode originally aired on July 12, 2016. The episode recap has 41 comments from the best readers ever.
    Hanna put on her helmet, inserted her seatbelt, and reveed up her engine. She's about to win the Formula One championship title!
    Welcome to another episode of Pretty Little Liars, where we’re just in time to watch the renowned racecar driver Hanna Marin take the wheels and start another lap around the tracks. Even though there was a tiny roadside accident, the pretty little pit crew already came in and cleared away Elliott’s dead body from the racetrack. Now, Hanna has put on her helmet, buckled her seatbelt, and revved up her engine. Ooh yeah, she’s ready to win that Formula One world championship title! 🏁🏁🏁

    Um Spencer, it is NOT first-degree murder?

    Where did the pretty little liars find the shovel to bury Elliott's dead body?
    After Hanna’s car accident, the pretty little gravediggers decide their best course of action is to bury da body zomg! How fortunate that Dr. Rollins conveniently died next to The Home Depot store, so the girls were able to grab those shovels and start digging right away. Otherwise, how else would you explain where they found four shovels in the middle of nowhere? I’ve heard of people carry a spare tire in their car trunks, but never a spare shovel… let alone four of them.

    The other explanation is obviously MAGIC. Yet, if the girls can magically poof these shovels into existence, they should be able to magically poof some gloves for themselves too. Let’s cover up a crime scene while leaving our grubby fingerprints & our muddy footprints over everywhere, yay!

    Why didn't the pretty little liars call the police after Hanna's car accident?
    Aria: It’s not too late to go to the police! I dunno know why we can’t tell them exactly what happened!
    Spencer: We’ve been over this, Aria! No one’s gonna believe us when we have every reason in the world to have wanted him dead!

    Poor Aria. Imagine being a normal person with enough common sense to realize that you should call the cops instead of needlessly committing a felony, only to be treated by everybody else as if YOU are the irrational one. All the pretty little liars had to do was fill in paperwork at the collision centre, shed a few crocodile tears, and lawyer up before any manslaughter charges are inevitably dropped. Instead, they go around behaving like criminal masterminds when these bitches aren’t even capable of covering up a pimple, let alone a dead body.

    Why does Spencer insist on calling a car accident as a first-degree murder?
    Spencer: It was a well thought-out plan! When it ends up like this, it’s called first-degree murder!

    Lemme assure you that nothing these bitches are doing would constitute as a “well thought-out plan” whatsoever lmao. And correct me if I’m wrong, but this isn’t first-degree murder? Elliott jumped in front of the car, Hanna couldn’t stop it in time, that’s simply a car accident as far as I’m concerned. It’s manslaughter yes, it’s premeditated no. You’d think Miss Hastings would know her legal jargon better since both her parents are lawyers, but leave it to Spencer to make up her own code of law. In her justice system: *accidentally steps on an ant* = *FIRST! DEGREE! MURDER!*

    Spencer definitely said that below-the-belt insult about Hanna out of spite.
    Aria: We need to tell the truth!
    Spencer: Yeah, what truth is that!? The one where Hanna doesn’t know the right pedal from the left?

    SHOTS FIRED, BEEYOTCH! You’d think Hanna might want to hear some reassuring words from her friends after such a traumatic experience, but Spencer does the exact opposite and delivers a super bitchy remark that hits below the belt. In case you were wondering, that hilarious burn was rude and unnecessary and TOTALLY INTENTIONAL. Don’t think for a moment Spencer didn’t say it out of spite. It’s no surprise Hanna can’t tell the difference between the right pedal from the left… we know she has a hard enough time distinguishing between my boyfriend and hers. 😜

    For a moment, I thought Alison was gonna jump into the grave right there with Elliott!
    In order to cover up their perfect crime, the pretty little liars must transport Alison back into Welby to make it seem like she never left for the night. Two options: either they obtain a master key… or they climb onto the rooftop, tie Alison to a rope, and carefully lower her body into the room. I prefer the second option!

    Just then, we see Alison sauntering towards Elliott’s grave like a zombie. She looked like the bride of the dead with her ghastly white make-up and her ragged hospital robe. All of a sudden, she drops down to her knees and leans into the burial mound! For a moment, I thought Ali had gone LEGIT MAD and she was gonna JUMP into the grave! It turns out she was just grabbing the access card from his dead corpse, but originally I expected the crazy bitch to dive in there going like “until death do us part, my beloved husband!” *bungee jumps* 😵

    Alison is so bored by all the murder talk and doesn't participate in the cover-up scheme.
    Even though this murder cover-up might be one of the most important event in their lives, it was remarkable that Alison showed a complete lack of interest in the chaos happening around her. The other girls were screaming and shrieking over each other about BURYING DEAD BODIES! BURNING THE EVIDENCE! MATCHING THEIR ALIBIS! MISLEADING THE POLICE! …and meanwhile, Alison was staring out the car window with a vacant expression on her face. All this murder talk is so boring, can we turn on the radio instead? 😴

    Alison was smart to distance herself from their plotting so that she wouldn’t be incriminated. If these bitches go down for covering up a murder, her hands are clean of blood. In other words, Alison is just following Taylor Swift’s life mantra: I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one that I never asked to be a part of.

    Hanna broke multiple laws just to avoid getting convicted of vehicular manslaughter.
    Hanna: What are we doing!? We’re never going to get away with this! God, we’re never going to pull this off! I’m going to jail! I’m going to jail for… for…
    Aria: For vehicular manslaughter.

    1.) Imagine my surprise when Aria actually knew it was called vehicular manslaughter. Please share this knowledge with Spencer so that she won’t misuse *FIRST! DEGREE! MURDER!* as an all-encompassing term to describe every single death. Spencer’s logic: ZOMG! Hurricane Katrina committed first-degree murder!

    2.) The irony is that Hanna wouldn’t have gone to jail for the manslaughter, but now she’s gonna get convicted for hit-and-run, falsifying evidence, tampering with the evidence & obstruction of justice, all of which could’ve been avoided if she just confessed in the first place. lolwhoops!

    Emily calls Spencer an uptight nerd, which she is and proud to be one!
    For once, the pretty little liars are aware of leaving behind fingerprints on the evidence, but Spencer came prepared with the cleaning wipes that she keeps in her inventory at all times. You know how some girls carry around packets of morning-after pills in case of emergencies? Well, it’s like that… except this is the nerd equivalent and Spencer carries packets of cleaning wipes instead.

    Spencer: You used to make fun of me for carrying these around, but now who’s an uptight nerd?
    Emily: You! Still you!

    In case you’re wondering what else Spencer keeps in her carry-on inventory: hand sanitizer, moist towelettes, baby wipes, scented soap, shampoo, toothpaste, mouthwash, and three rolls of toilet paper because you never know when you’ll need them!

    Can somebody wipe the blood off Hanna's face?
    BTW, would Spencer please give Hanna one of her wipes so that she can clean up the glaring streak of blood in between her eyes? When you’re trying to cover up a murder, it might not be the best idea to have your victim’s blood so prominently displayed on your face. Right now, Hanna looks like an ancient warrior who smeared her prey’s blood on herself as a sign of raw dominance. This is her message to the world: *YES I’VE CONQUERED COUNTLESS LIVES AND I SHALL PROUDLY WEAR MY ENEMY’S BLOOD ON MY FACE!!!*

    This Spaleb scene is EPIC AF.

    Hanna extracts a piece of glass from her hair after taking a shower.
    After the pretty litle liars finished burying the body, they returned to Spencer’s barn where Hanna took a shower and freshened up. I know she might not be in the mood for an extensive rub-a-dub-dub, but it was kinda disturbing when she extracted a piece of glass (!) from her hair after her shower. OMFG. Girl, you may want to step back in for a second shower and let’s make sure you shampoo properly this time. Right now, I imagine if Hanna combed her fingers through her hair, several of Elliott’s fingernails, teeth, and various tiny body parts will come falling out in clusters.
    Spencer would've nailed the part as Lady Macbeth.
    Poor Spencer just spent hours shovelling dirt, now she has to come home and clean the floors because her friends stomped their muddy shoes everywhere. Hanna offered to help her, yet she just stood with her arms crossed, staring down at Spencer crouched on the floor, while making no motions to move whatsoever. If Hanna wanted to help, she could simply get down on her knees and start scrubbing, but the bitch was like *nvm i just took a shower i ain’t cleaning shit*.

    Spencer: If Mr. Mizzari could see me right now, I would’ve gotten the part of Lady Macbeth.

    I don’t think so, Spence. She’d get the part of Lady Macbeth at first, but then Hanna comes in to seduce Mr. Mizzari and steal the role from her, leaving Spencer as the understudy instead.

    Hanna asks Spencer to move forward from their love triangle drama even though Spencer just helped her bury a dead body.
    There’s a cold war brewing between Caleb’s two mistresses. It hasn’t escalated into a bonafide catfight, but Spencer’s snide digs & icy responses haven’t gone unnoticed. Hanna decides tonight is the *best* time for a confrontation, telling her friend to move on from their love triangle drama. YEAH I KISSED HIM. SO WHAT. HE CHOSE ME OVER YOU. GET OVER IT, U SORE LOSER. 😜

    Hanna: Spencer, can we just please move forward!?

    On the contrary, I think Spencer is moving forward considering she just helped Hanna bury a dead body because of the loyalty towards her friend. If she was being petty, Spencer could’ve easily called 911 and turned in Hanna to the police: “Hello, I’d like to report a hit-and-run driver and I’m ready to testify against her any time in court.” Spencer could take her personal vendetta in a whole different direction, so maybe Hanna should stfu and act more grateful m’kay?

    Caleb arrives at the doorstep just before Hanna and Spencer were gonna come to blows over him.
    At the exact moment when Hanna and Spencer were gonna come to blows, Caleb suddenly shows up at the doorstep with the worst timing in the world. He couldn’t have arrived at a worse time, not unless he came fifteen minutes later to find Hanna and Spencer’s bloody dead corpses after they stabbed each other with fatal wounds while fighting over him.

    OMFG. I hate having to eat my own words after I talked so much shit about the terrible storyline that is the HALEB VS. SPALEB love triangle, but this next scene is seriously EPIC as fuck. They couldn’t have put the three characters in a more compromising and more vulnerable position to maximize the drama. It almost makes up for all the agony from this awful love triangle subplot up until now. We had to sit through 99 boring scenes of Caleb waffling between Spencer and Hanna before we finally get one juicy scene that’s worth a damn.

    Here's a diagram to demonstrate the Caleb, Hanna, Spencer love triangle in all of its glorious mess.
    Here’s a diagram to demonstrate the scene in all of its glorious mess:
    1.) There’s Caleb banging furiously at the doorstep.
    2.) His gf is on the other side preventing him from coming in.
    3.) His ex stands two feet away hiding in a corner.
    4.) Somewhere in between, there’s a trash can filled with forensic evidence of the first-degree murder they covered up.

    None of these people should be anywhere near each other right now, yet here they all are in one confined room together. It’s like putting a box of matches next to a can of gasoline next to a house already on fire, where the drama just essentially writes itself.

    I actually want Caleb to enter the room for the most epic awkward confrontation ever.
    Right now, only a flimsy door latch stands in the way of the most awkward PLL scenario ever. Spencer is desperately pressing against the door and doing anything in her power to keep her boyfriend out. SHOP’S CLOSED! VISITING HOURS ARE OVER! NO ENTRY ALLOWED, MISTER!

    Caleb: Can you let me in please!?
    Spencer: *awks* I can’t really do this right now…

    Naturally, there’s a sick part of me rooting for Caleb to come inside, because can you even imagine the drama!? I honestly wouldn’t know what to expect if Caleb forced his way into the room and saw his two lovers together after they’ve just buried a dead body. There could be tears, there could be arguments, there could be a bloodbath, there could be a threesome, there could be three-way murder-suicide pacts, anything goes in this free-for-all!

    Hey Caleb, everything you're saying to Spencer right now can be overheard by Hanna.
    Caleb: Look, I’m an idiot, okay? Everything came out wrong earlier. What happened with Hanna, it was like this wound that I worked so hard to heal…
    Spencer: Okay Caleb, I really can’t hear this right now! 😱

    The reason why Caleb came by is to salvage the Spaleb relationship yet again, except everything he’s saying to Spencer can be overheard by Hanna as well. *lolawks* If I was Spencer, this would be the perfect time to think strategically and force Caleb to confess truths that he’d never dare to admit to Hanna. Questions like “Hey Caleb, who’s better at oral? Me or Hanna?” would give her an advantage because you know Caleb would say anything just to appease his girlfriend. “Hey Caleb, say that you love me more than Hanna…IN A REALLY LOUD VOICE.”

    Caleb's apology to Spencer is so bad and so embarrassing. You were confused over who your girlfriend was?
    I thought Caleb might have rehearsed some grandstanding speech to win back his woman, yet it seems like his only defense is I WAS YOUNG, DUMB & FULL OF CUM WHEN I KISSED HANNA, TAKE ME BACK SPENCER.

    Caleb: It was confusing, but that’s all it was. It was a moment of confusion.
    Spencer: I’m begging you, just leeeeave! 😭

    I can understand if you were confused over solving a tricky math equation, but how can anybody get confused over whose lips to kiss? *lolwut* No wonder Spencer was begging him to leave, because Caleb made such a debacle out of his apology that even she felt second-hand embarrassment on his behalf.

    Caleb recalls a happier Spaleb memory that none of us ever witnessed or experienced.
    Caleb: Remember my first summer in D.C.? And this one night, we met for a beer. I had gotten a job offer in San Francisco, but we were having such a good time that I decided to wait to tell you. Afterwards, I walked you to your apartment so I can tell you about my job, but there was this violinist playing on Kenyon, so we sat in this stoop to listen. And I thought why ruin the moment. I never told you about the job. I called them the next day and I told them that I didn’t want it.

    k cool story, bro. What Caleb just described certainly sounds romantic enough, but why didn’t we get to see the scenes? We keep hearing about how Spaleb had a star-crossed, transatlantic romance where they supposedly fell in love, yet we never see it happening on-screen. I feel like I’m getting the abridged audiobook version of Spaleb’s romance when it’s the international cinematic release that I asked for instead.

    Caleb talks about Spencer's cleft chin as part of his apology speech to her. Erm okay.
    Caleb: When we finally got to your door, I started to tell you about my job, but you were distracted looking for your keys. I couldn’t stop staring at that little cleft in your chin, thinking about how I wanted to trace it with my finger and kiss you.

    What does everyone think about this particular comment? All I heard was a bunch of filler words followed by *CLEFT IN YOUR CHIN* in big bolded all-caps. I understand the intimacy behind the remark, but it was also very…cringey. I mean, did Caleb draw a complete blank when he was coming up with a list of physical features to describe Spencer? Personally, I don’t know that I’d feel flattered if my boyfriend talked about my cleft chin like a fingerlicking good piece of chicken from the KFC.

    Spencer won't open the door for a Spaleb reconciliation because Hanna is a major cockblock.
    Caleb: Do you remember that night?
    Spencer: Yeah, of course I remember that night. That was one of the best.
    Caleb: Can you please just open the door so we can talk?
    Spencer: Caleb, I really want to… But I need more time.

    Caleb somehow won over Spencer with his clumsy, awkwardly phrased apology, but too bad there’s a major COCKBLOCK getting in the way of their reconciliation. Imagine in a parallel universe where Hanna was anywhere else but here, Spencer could open the door for Caleb, rip off his clothes, ravish him on the floor, and they’d be having the hottest make-up sex right now.

    Caleb, Hanna and Spencer were all crying at the end of their love triangle drama.
    In the end, these three pansies were weeping and blubbering over their ridiculous drama. Spencer is crying because she lost her bf for good, Caleb is crying because he ain’t getting laid tonight, and Hanna is crying because those are tears of joy over the death of Spaleb’s relationship.

    I didn’t think Pretty Little Liars was capable of producing such an emotionally gripping moment, but I gotta admit PLL knocked it out of the park with this iconic scene. While I can appreciate the gravitas of the emotional drama, I must confess that I was actually laughing my ass off during the whole time. 😆 Excuse me for being entertained by three whiny bitches with tear-streaked faces and snot dripping from their noses as they cry over their frivolous love triangle. Yeah baby, this is my favourite kind of entertainment! *chews on popcorn*

    Can Hanna stop pretending she cares about Spaleb getting back together because it's so disingenuous!?
    Afterwards, Caleb leaves the doorstep with blue balls, Spencer is left with a broken heart, and Hanna decides to leave Spencer with one more kick while she’s down.

    Hanna: Spencer, maybe you should… 😀
    Spencer: PLEASE. DON’T. 😒

    “Hey Spencer, maybe you should go after him! Hehehe!” Okay bitch, can you fucking not? First you macked on her boyfriend, then you cockblocked their reconciliation, now you gonna act like you’re Spaleb’s cheerleader with your phony ass encouragement. I mean, it’s just SO disingenuous for the homewrecking mistress to go up to the wronged wife and offer her a shoulder to cry on. Hanna Marin, you’ve already won the battle, you won the war, you won the man, you won every damn thing, so can you fucking leave Spencer alone and let her grieve in peace!?

    Spencer Hastings is DOWN! TO! FUCK!

    Spencer sits at the bar, eating olives and thinking about Spaleb.
    Later that night, Spencer was supposed to carry out the next phase of their murder cover-up. Her secret mission is to drive Elliott’s car to the train station, use his credit to card to buy a train ticket, leave his personal possessions on the carriage, all to make it seem like he did a runner in the middle of the night with a vaguely traceable paper trail. This plan is…alright, I guess? If you only had a few hours to come up with an elaborate scheme, it makes sense that your plan would sound like something out of the reject pile from Agatha Christie’s mystery novels.

    Spencer is sitting at the bar and waiting for the time to pass before her scheduled mission. Sitting and waiting. Eat some olives. Think about Spaleb. Eat more olives. Think more Spaleb. Still waiting. Still eating olives. Still thinking about Spaleb. Spaleb, Spaleb, Spaleb. Oh god, this is gonna be a long night.

     Spencer is more preoccupied with her relationship drama than the plan to cover up a murder.
    You’d think covering up a first-degree murder might be the only thing on Spencer’s mind right now, but she seems more preoccupied with sulking over her relationship drama instead. This is my Spencer Hastings impersonation: “Hanna this! Caleb that! Spaleb this-and-that!”

    Spencer: She kissed him, recently! I gave Hanna years to figure out if she wanted him back or not!

    Silly Spencer, you thought it was okay to date him as long as you waited after Haleb’s expiration date and a certain amount of grace period, but you didn’t know that Hanna signed an eternal lease that secured her the rights to her high school boyfriend FOR LYFE. It doesn’t matter if Spencer waited ten years, twenty years, or one hundred years until now, Caleb is officially Hanna’s intellectual property and that means she gets first dibs on him forever.

    Spencer says that timing is for figure skaters and comedians, not for describing whether you love somebody or not.
    Emily: Maybe it has nothing to do with Hanna. Maybe the timing was off.
    Spencer: I don’t understand when people say that. What is timing? Timing is for figure skaters and comedians. You either love someone or you don’t.

    TELL HA SIS! Emily sounded like such a Haleb apologist and I don’t even know what she was going on about with the “timing” excuse. I’m sorry, but is timing supposed to be an appropriate reason for committing adultery? Thank god Spencer was here to clock the nonsense out of the bitch, while simultaneously discrediting an overused romantic cliché in TV and movies. You know the former writers of The Good Wife must’ve heard this line and all lowered their heads in shame.

    Marco Furey is introduced as Spencer's third love interest this season.
    When you’re a sad lonely girl sulking at a bar, you often attract your fair share of predatory weirdos who prey on emotionally vulnerable women to score an easy lay for the night. Enter Marco Furey! Meet the latest PLL love interest, presented as the third option for those of us who don’t wanna see Spencer with either Toby or Caleb in the endgame. He’s like the Ralph Nader or the Jill Stein of candidates. Deep down, you know he doesn’t stand a chance in hell of winning the grand prize, but sure go ahead and root for him anyway if it makes you feel better about yourself.

    During Marco’s introduction, the most telling sign is when the background music sings out *UH-OH* in an ominous way. I swear, I heard the singer exclaim “uh-oh!” as the camera zooms into his face. It’s the perfect prologue to describe Marco’s character: he’s gonna be TROUBLE.

    Marco got Spencer at her weak spot: she'll stay for another drink along with the intellectual foreplay.
    Marco: Hi, I’m Marco!
    Spencer: I’m leaving.
    Marco: Well, that’s a very unusual name.
    Spencer: Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. Thank you for the drink. I should really get going soon.
    Marco: Soon is soon. It’s not the same as now, is it?

    At first, Marco tried to buy Spencer a drink, which she turned down with a polite smile. But then, he charmed her with his silly wordplay (“how soon is soon, a curious mind pondereth”) and there’s nothing a giant nerd like Spencer appreciated more than some geeky intellectual stimulation. Dammit, she’ll stay for another drink, but only because Spencer needed to debate over the philosophical definitions of “soon” and “now” with this handsome stranger!

    Marco is the perfect love interest for Spencer because he's so uncomplicated, but she'll never go for a nice normal guy like him.
    And before you know it, Spencer was downing one drink after another as she flirts up a storm with this charming stranger. She was laughing and enjoying herself so much that Spencer kinda forgot she had a secret mission for the night. Oh lemme see, do I wanna go out there to plant fake evidence and cover up a crime… or do I wanna stay here with this delicious drink and that equally delicious stud? The choice is obvious. Bartender, another round please!
    Spencer should really choose Marco over Caleb or Toby for her endgame romance.
    On paper, Marco is the perfect guy for Spencer in many ways. He’s charming, he’s suave, he’s normal, he’s single, and most importantly he doesn’t have any relationship baggage. He’s what Spencer needs right now, just a simple guy without complications. If Spencer was Goldilocks, Toby would be the hot porridge, Caleb would be the cold porridge, and Marco is the pleasant porridge at the perfect room temperature that she should eat up immediately.

    Unfortunately, we’ve seen what happened to Liam, we’ve seen what happened to Jordan, and we’ve seen what happened to all these nice gentlemen just two episodes ago. The pretty little liars will never go for the normal love interests, because they only pursue the messy love triangles where everybody ends up in misery and tears.

    Spencer confesses to Marco that she spent the night burying a dead body.
    Marco: What were you doing tonight?
    Spencer: *deadpan* Burying a dead body.

    WTF!? You’re playing a very dangerous game with your words, Miss Hastings! Why go through all that trouble covering up your first-degree murder if you’re just gonna blab to the first random schmoe you meet in the bar? Thank god she delivered the line in such a deadpan manner that Marco’s reaction to her confession was *lol ur so funneh*. To be fair, this guy is so preoccupied with hitting on Spencer that she could describe to him about how Elliott died in graphic detail and he’d still react by giggling at every word she says.

     Spencer and Marco have hot raw nasty drunken elevator sex!
    OMG!!! What started out as a charming conversation at the bar quickly escalated into a drunken romp inside the elevator, where Spencer had no qualms about getting raw and nasty with an anonymous stranger. We thought Spencer was gonna mope around for the whole night, but evidently not. After all, why feel sorry for yourself when you can feel a hot mouth breathing down your neck instead? 😘

    Just to clarify, Spencer and Marco didn’t “make out”. Nor did they “have sex”. No, the proper term to describe their activities is that THEY FUCKED LONG AND HARD in the elevator. What they did to each other was savage, barbaric, and downright animalistic. It was rough, it was aggressive, and it was HAWT AS HELL!

    Marco fucked Spencer long and hard inside that elevator. 50 Shades of elevator sex.
    Spencer Hastings was 100% down2fuck tonight. If I had to put on my psychologist’s hat, I’d say Spencer’s low self-esteem from her failed relationship prompted her to seek emotional validation through anonymous sex. However, the simple explanation is that she got real horny and a girl just sometimes craves a good fuck with no strings attached. This was the one night that Spencer would let her hair down, liberate herself sexually, and Miss Hastings won’t stop until she got some cock. It didn’t matter who was attached to the other end of the dick. Any functioning dick will do!
    If Caleb wasn't such a loverat, he could be the one having elevator sex with Spencer right now. Your loss, dude.
    It gotta suck for Caleb knowing that he could’ve been the recipient of such hot kinky sex from his girlfriend tonight. He might not love Spencer for who she is, but he did love bonking her. What a shame Caleb wasn’t here just when Spencer got super freaky with her libido. Dude, this coulda been you riding her up and down in the elevator!

    You might be wondering if this elevator hook-up is considered okay since Spencer hasn’t broken up with her boyfriend yet, but I can assure you that Caleb Rivers is the last person on her mind right now. Who cares about Caleb when she’s so busy spreading those legs and presenting her vadge to… Mark? Erm, Marcus? Oh, it doesn’t matter what his name is, just put it in me mister!!!

    Marco flips Spencer over and the two of them have surprise butt sex in the elevator!
    OMFG GURL! Their elevator sex got so hardcore that they even had SURPRISE BUTTSECKS. I don’t know how to describe this next part in a family-friendly manner, but Marco put his polo stick in Spencer’s backdoor and started drilling her butthole. He! jammed! it! in! Wow, they practically just met and she’s already taking it up the ass. Usually when you meet a stranger, you don’t expect to feel their sausage in your barbecue grill five minutes later.

    Judging by her sex scenes in prior seasons, I didn’t have Spencer pegged as the adventurous type, but this signifies a fresh start for her character. New beginnings mean new sexual positions. As the Backstreet Boys would say, I want it that way!

    Spencer wasn't ready to have anal sex with Marco in an elevator yet. Maybe next time.
    Spencer: Stop! Stop!
    Marco: What happened?
    Spencer: I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I just can’t do it.

    Unfortunately, the backdoor experience got too intense for Miss Hastings, who freaked out and called it quits all of a sudden. Our pretty little sodomite lost her sex drive and closed shop for the night. It’s alright, Spencer. You tried it and you didn’t like it, we understand. Anal isn’t for everybody. Next time, maybe you’ll enjoy the buttsecks more if Marco brings the lube.

    Emily yells at Spencer, asking her how she could lose control on the one night when she needed it the most.
    Spencer got so drunk that she was in no condition to do her secret mission. Emily improvised by abandoning Elliott’s car at the train station parking lot and throwing away the keys somewhere, in hopes these half-assed efforts will be enough to throw the police off the scent. Understandably, Emily was FURIOUS at Spencer for fucking up their plan. Bitch, you could get wasted and try out anal on any other day EXCEPT today. WTF @ your priorities, woman!?

    Emily: How could you do this to yourself!? How could you do this to us!? This could’ve ruined everything! Why would you go and lose control on the one night when you needed it the most!?

    Yeah seriously, Spencer, what’s more important to you? Losing your freedom or losing your butt virginity?

    Spencer isn't the only one who got screwed tonight, because she screwed over her friends pretty badly too.
    Spencer: There were a few years when I really felt free. I didn’t flinch anymore when I saw somebody wearing a hoodie or when I got a blocked call on my phone. I thought it’s over, it’s really over, like for real. I took horseback riding lessons. I took a cooking class. I even let friends tag me in photos. And now, we’re just right back where we started. It’s worse. Now I have aiding and abetting and a failed relationship to add to the mix. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I screwed up so badly.

    What a poignant and strangely coherent apology from somebody who has more booze than common sense in her body. Even if Spencer is sorry for what she did, it doesn’t change the fact this bitch’s reckless actions put her friends at risk and now they could go to jail for a failed cover-up. Thanks to Spencer, it seems that all of the pretty little liars got screwed pretty hard tonight. 🙊

    Alison and Aria play hide-and-seek at the asylum.

    Aria had her back turned for three seconds and Alison vanished into thin air.
    Part of the cover-up involves transporting Alison back into Welby to pretend like she never left the institute for the night. This would’ve been a straightforward plan if Ali didn’t decide to play a game of hide-and-seek around the asylum. Aria literally had her back turned for three seconds before Alison vanished into thin air. No footsteps were heard, no movement was sighted, she was just here one moment and gone the next.

    I have no scientific explanation, but my closest theory is that she must’ve put on an invisibility cloak. Now that Alison is part of the pretty little liars group, does she mind sharing the insider secrets to how she’s able to magically disappear? If she can teach her friends this teleportation trick, the liars might be able to defend themselves against A!

    Aria could barely muster up any sympathy for Alison before ordering her to go back to her post.
    Alison: I thought I could go back in there, but I can’t…
    Aria: I know this is difficult, but no one is going to hurt you here. Rollins is gone. IF YOU DON’T GO BACK UP THERE!!! …it’s not just you and me, everyone is counting on us!

    Alison is found crouched below the staircase, where she admits to feeling too traumatized to go into her room of doom. Oh, boo hoo hoo! Aria tried her best to act sympathetic and soothe Alison’s fears, but her intent was beyond transparent: BITCH I WILL DRAG YOU BY YOUR HAIR BACK INTO YOUR TORTURE CHAMBER CUZ I AIN’T GOING TO JAIL DUE TO YOUR WHINY PUNK ASS.

    You're not stupid, you're in love! This is the life mantra Aria genuinely believes in.
    Aria: The nurses have to see what he did to you. They have to see that he was a monster.
    Alison: I married that monster. How stupid am I?
    Aria: You’re not stupid. You were in love.

    “You’re not stupid, you were in love” is such a classic Aria Montgomery quote that I imagine it can only come out of her character’s mouth. Of course she’d believe those two characteristics are mutually exclusive, as if being IN LUV is an appropriate defense for being STOOPID. This must be what Aria tells herself every so often when she contemplates about her relationship with Ezra. It’s okay, I’m not being exploited because I’M IN LOVE! *gurrrrl*

    Hey Alison, you're looking at one of your most vocal protesters on the frontlines of your witch hunt.
    Alison: After all those years that I fought for Charlotte to be released, how could he think that I killed her?
    Aria: *awks* …did you? Did you kill her?

    I love how Alison sounded genuinely confused that she was considered a suspect for Charlotte’s murder, only for Aria to give her some major sideeye. This leads to a très awkward encounter where Detective Montgomery tries to solicit a killer’s confession and Alison is simply like *bitch r u ferreal*. If we’re to compare the two of them side-by-side, Aria has the motive, the past criminal record, the surveillance footage, and even a witness (co-conspirator?) that puts her at the scene of the crime. All things considered, Alison should be the one asking “did you kill her???” instead.

    During a flashback, Alison and Charlotte were arguing over another love triangle drama on Pretty Little Liars.
    During a flashback, we see Alison and Charlotte had an argument on the night of her murder! Don’t get too excited, it’s just another love triangle drama in a different flavour. The scene is only interesting if you wanna watch more bickering because both bitches fell in love with the same douche. No, I love him! No, I love him more! No, I love him the most! No, I love him the mostest!

    Alison: We both cared about you. That’s what made Elliott and me close. We didn’t do it on purpose. There was just a point we couldn’t deny our connection.
    Charlotte: I DON’T WANNA HEAR ANY OF THIS!!!

    My thoughts exactly. Any time there are two women fighting over a guy on Pretty Little Liars, my default response is “I don’t wanna hear any of this!”

    Alison voluntarily asks to put on that dog mask bondage headgear.
    Alison: You said that you want them to see what kind of person he was…
    Aria: Are you sure???
    Alison: Yeah, put it on.

    OMFG. The most fucked up part came when Alison voluntarily asked to put on that hannibal mask bondage headgear. I understand she needs to prove Elliott had been torturing her, but surely there must be another way to reach the same conclusion without the most disturbing costume dress-up ever? Of course, if Alison was so committed to staying in character, she should also put on the blindfold, the handcuffs, the ball gag, the straitjacket and the mummy bandages too. Let’s go all the way and completely mummify this bitch!

    What does Alison have to do to prove she didn't kill Charlotte and win over the pretty little liars?
    Aria doesn’t believe Alison killed Charlotte anymore. Her suspicions were dulled after realizing what the PLL fans have been saying about Alison’s character deterioration in the past few seasons. No longer is she the ferocious lioness, she resembles more like a harmless Garfield who prefers to stay at home, eat lasagna, and make bitchy yet harmless remarks to nobody in particular.

    Aria: I don’t think Alison had anything to do with Charlotte getting killed…
    Hanna: Maybe she’s making it up. It is Alison we’re talking about.

    Oh my god, what does Alison have to do to prove her innocence to these bitches when there’s nothing that indicates she killed Charlotte!? Besides, these accusations are rich coming from Miss Phony Engagement Ring who’s on her way to cover up the first-degree murder that she just committed. It takes one lying killer to know another.

     Aria once changed her shirt just because she and Alison wore the same outfit.
    Aria: This isn’t the same Alison we knew at fifteen. God, I used to be so scared of her! This one time, she and I wore the same shirt. I told the school nurse I was feeling fluish just so I can go home and change.

    How typical of Aria to do a wardrobe change in the middle of a school day. 😄 Also, I can’t imagine anyone wearing the same clothes as her. A loud leopard-print shirt with fringes, ribbons, sparkles, or whatever embellishments she adds to her outfits is an acquired taste only unique to Aria Montgomery.

    The Mona auto repair shop is open for service 24/7.

    The pretty little liars are planning to torch Hanna's car to burn away the forensic evidence.
    The pretty little liars return to the scene of the crime to torch Hanna’s car, so that they can burn their fingerprints and any remaining forensic evidence. First of all, I should mention this car actually belongs to Lucas, who gifted away the vehicle like a sugar daddy purchasing a lavish present on Hanna’s Amazon wishlist. Even if he’s really rich, it still seems presumptuous of her to just burn his car like that. It’s okay! I know Lucas owns this car, but it’s practically mine anyway!

    Also, burning the car seems like a really messy solution to what is already a really messy crime. How long before the police discover an abandoned car burned to the ground, order their dogs to sniff out the perimeters, and eventually identify the area where the liars buried Elliott’s body. Instead of burning the car, the liars should just save themselves the trouble and put up a gigantic sign on the spot that says: *SEARCH FOR SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY HERE*.

    Aria and Hanna were gonna burn down the car, except the car drove off on its own!
    Aria and Hanna were gonna burn down the vehicle together, except they don’t know where it is! Leave it to the pretty little liars to misplace a goddamn car and lose the most incriminating piece of evidence in their first-degree murder. *lolwhoops* My theory is the car knew its existence was at peril, so it became sentient just like in a Pixar animated movie and drove away on its own.

    Aria: We must be in the wrong place…
    Hanna: No, I remember we’re covering it up and putting it by the tree.
    Aria: The tree? Hanna, look around you. It’s all trees. We’re in a forest.

    No Aria, I’m talking about THE tree! You know the one with the leaves and the branches and the tree bark!? It’s so uniquely distinguishable!

    Hanna believes the Keebler elves live in the trees in this forest.
    Hanna: I put it by this tree because it looked like one of those trees that those little men would live in! You know those little men with like the ears and… *moment of realization* Keebler elves!

    Oh dear, who wants to break the news to Hanna that the Keebler elves aren’t actually part of the woodland ecosystem IRL? Bless her heart, she looked so excited after solving the mystery of those little men with the ears who live in the trees. Maybe Hanna can call upon her elven friends to look around their place of residence and search for the missing car?

    Hanna hyperventilates because they lost the damn car in the forest!
    Hanna: Oh my god! I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!
    Aria: It gotta be here. We just hid it really, really well…
    Hanna: WE LOST THE CAR! WE LOST THE DAMN CAR, ARIA!!!
    Aria: Hanna, cars don’t just up and drive themselves!

    It didn’t take long before Hanna had the most hilarious nervous breakdown and hyperventilated on the spot. OMFG WE LOST THE DAMN CAR! OMG! OMG! OMG! Oh calm down, Hanna. Take a breather, girl. Maybe one of the Keebler elves nearby can bake a batch of cookies to stabilize her blood sugar levels a little.

    Don't worry, the pretty little liars are gonna get away with murder now that Monalise Keating is here to guide them along the way.
    Soon enough, Mona came out from the shadows and revealed herself as the car thief. It turns out she was spying on the girls, figured out what happened, and stayed behind the scenes to help them clean up the mess. In other words, the liars were responsible for 10% of the cover-up, while Mona busted her ass in the background to take care of the other 90% of the work.

    PLL must’ve figured the viewers would start bitching and poking holes at this murder cover-up, so they brought in Mona’s character to resolve any loose ends or plot holes with the storyline. I admit, I didn’t believe the liars would be able to pull off this crime on their own. But as soon as Mona got involved, I relaxed and took a sigh of relief because I instinctively knew everything was OK. Mona is like the Annalise Keating of the group. They’re totally gonna get away with murder now that she’s here to hold their hands and guide them every step along the way.

    Mona must know an auto repair shop that provides 24/7 emergency services in order to get Hanna's car fixed.
    Mona: Torching the car would’ve been a bonehead move. An abandoned car scorched in the middle of the woods tends to raise some eyebrows.
    Aria: Okay, where did you get the windshield fixed?
    Mona: At a place that won’t ask questions and doesn’t give answers.

    Mona’s first order of business is to use her mafia mob connections to get Hanna’s car fixed, which she did a bang-up job at making it look brand new again. It’s pretty incredible that she patched up the car in a few hours in the middle of the night. Mona must know an underground auto repair shop that provides 24/7 emergency services, where her magical elf mechanics worked overtime to restore the car. They won’t ask questions because their evil commander overlord Mona won’t allow them to speak.

    Mona just admitted to planting GPS trackers in everyone's cars so she can stalk them wherever they go.
    Mona: I wasn’t following you. Specifically. After Hanna was targeted by A, I started paying attention. When I heard Ali had gone full-blown Girl Interrupted, I got suspicious of Rollins. I started trailing him as a precaution. I put a GPS tracker in his car. When I saw it drive to the middle of the woods tonight, I decided to check it out. Call it curiosity.

    I know this is Mona, who does so much crazy shit that we tend to give the bitch a lot of leeway, but can I point out she just admitted to stalking the girls, planting GPS trackers, and spying on everyone with her hidden surveillance systems? The other liars are so desensitized to Mona’s usual antics that they don’t seem fazed by her revelations, even though it’s almost a certainty that she planted GPS trackers in THEIR cars as well. Um hello, the demon imp just admitted to the underhanded tactics that she uses, so you better take notes and take precautions!

    Aria should actually thank Mona for helping the pretty little liars on how to get away with murder.
    Mona: You didn’t exactly do a crackerjack job erasing the tire tracks. And the blood on the windshield told me the rest.
    Aria: So, do you make a habit of inserting yourself into other people’s homicides? Or just ours?

    I’m sensing some hostility from Aria, which is uncalled for considering Mona went out of her way just to properly cover up their shitty cover-up crime. You should know these professional criminal consulting services do not come cheap, and the pretty little liars need to be more grateful that Mona is working pro-bono on their murder. Instead of snarking at her, Aria should actually thank Monalise Keating for her charitable help!

    Mona looked in so much disbelief when the pretty little liars didn't know about Elliott Rollins' burner phone.
    Mona: More importantly, what did you do with Rollins’ burner phone?
    Hanna: What burner phone!? 😱

    Oh my god, the best part is watching Mona’s incredible facial expressions which told the entire story. There was shock, there was disgust, there was frustration, there was impatience, and finally there was a begrudging acceptance of their stupidity. She looked in so much disbelief when the pretty little liars didn’t know about the burner phone, reminding Mona once again that she’s dealing with AMATEUR HOUR over here. Mona is thinking: *oh you numbskull bitches, how you managed to survive seven seasons without my help is simply beyond me*.

    Welcome to BRUNCH SMACKDOWN with Queen Jenna!

    Aria is obsessed with the surveillance cameras after committing the cover-up crime.
    Next morning, the pretty little liars continue their cover-up and pretend to act normal by having a group brunch in public. Naturally, some of them have a hard time behaving like a normal person even on a good day, least of all Aria who’s suddenly OBSESSED with the surveillance cameras.

    Aria: *glares at cameras* Do those record sound!? I’m sorry, but are we comfortable with those visuals? Us together, on tape? I just think we should…
    Hanna: Aria, stop! Drink your mimosa!

    Every few seconds, Aria would pipe up in an urgent whisper to remind the others about her paranoia over the security cameras. U GUISE! WE R BEING WATCHED! I’m not sure why she’s bugging out. You’d think Aria should be used to getting stalked by thousands of spycams especially with Ezra as a boyfriend. 😘

    Spencer is still drinking mimosa in the morning even though she has a massive hangover.
    The discussion around the brunch table turns to the whereabouts of Elliott’s burner phone. Mona suggests she ping the phone to trace it, while the other girls nod their heads going like *ok yeah u do that*. Just to be clear, Mona wasn’t even in the car with the other liars last night, yet she seems to be doing all the work around here lol.

    Emily: Bottom line, we find the phone, we find Elliott’s accomplice.
    Spencer: Guys! It’s Mary Drake! Seriously, who else could it possibly be!?

    Spencer insists Mary Drake is the accomplice, though nobody takes her seriously. To be fair, she doesn’t have much credibility when Spencer looks like she’s wearing a painful hangover on her face. Girl, are you sure you don’t want some water instead of another glass of mimosa?

    Now that Elliott is dead, Mary Drake will become Alison's primary caretaker from now on.
    Speaking of Mary Drake, she made a hilarious five-second cameo appearance this episode. Her only objective was to show up in Alison’s hospital room to scare the fucking daylights out of her.

    Alison: What are you doing here!?!? 😱
    Mary: No need to call for the nurse, dear. I’m in charge now. 😈

    Poor Alison. Just when she was finally free from Hannibal Lecter, only to realize Cersei Lannister is now her primary caretaker. Does Hanna happen to have another vehicle nearby? I’ve a feeling she might need to rev up the car engine once more just to save Alison again.

    Queen Jenna makes a dramatic entrance. It has been a while since she last made an appearance on Pretty Little Liars.
    OMFG. Guess who showed up for brunch? Let’s talk about Queen Jenna’s dramatic entrance, which was seriously epic as hell. Upon her arrival, all conversations came to an abrupt stop, replaced by an unsettling THUD! THUD! THUD! noise that echoed across the room. Technically, Jenna was just tapping her walking cane on the floor, but the acoustics sounded almost as daunting as Godzilla’s footsteps marching towards doomsday.

    The entire sequence played out like a horror movie. There was also creepy dungeon music playing in the background as Jenna made her slow, solemn funeral march into the room. The vibe was so spooky that I couldn’t tell whether it was Jenna making an entrance or if it was Dracula rising from the dead. *lol* Just to be clear, our queen hasn’t spoken a single line at this point and I’m already petrified out of my mind.

    I'm so glad Queen Jenna has made an appearance on the show again since she last showed up back in Season 5.
    What a pleasant surprise to see Queen Jenna among the world of the living! This was the first episode that she appeared in since the time skip, so it’s reassuring to see her immortal appearance hasn’t changed one bit. Jenna is still wearing the same sunglasses, the same hairstyle, and the same all-black fashion ensemble. The apocalypse could arrive upon us, the destruction could wreak havoc amidst humanity, and the world could come to a complete end, and there would still be Jenna looking exactly the same a thousand years from now.

    In case you’re wondering what she has been doing during these past five years, Queen Jenna was guarding the gates of the underworld, feasting on lost souls, and studying for her Master’s degree in witchcraft. Oh, and she was also plotting the demises, downfalls & deaths of the pretty little liars, but this was more of an ongoing project that had started beyond the past five years.

    The pretty little liars were horrified to see Jenna again. It was like meeting the grim reaper.
    Jenna greeted the pretty little liars at the brunch table in a hilariously flippant manner. “Hanna! Is that youuuu!? And Aria! And Spencer! Don’t tell me the whole gang is here!” She exclaims with an unnaturally high octave. The way she speaks, it’s what Jenna thinks joy sounds like, although she hasn’t quite nailed the emotion yet.

    Jenna’s chipper disposition was a stark contrast next to the grim expressions on everybody’s faces. You don’t need to be in the room to feel the heavy sense of dread that came with Jenna’s arrival. All of the liars talked to her through gritted teeth along with the most reluctant strained smiles that they could muster. If I had to draw a real-life comparison, think Michelle Obama greeting Melania Trump at the presidential inauguration: restrained, gracious, and yet still completely unable to conceal her disgust to the extreme horrors before her eyes.

    Remember when Jenna's house blew up back in Season 5? Man, good times.
    Emily: You’re staying at the Radley?
    Jenna: Oh, didn’t you hear? My house blew up.

    LOL. Queen Jenna and her sassy one-liners FOR LYFE! 😆 Not only did she bless us with yet another iconic PLL quote, but it was also hilarious the way Jenna delivered the devastating words in such a casual tone of voice. Almost like they were discussing *the weather* and *the house bombing* within the same sentence.

    Jenna was dropping so much shade on the pretty little liars around the brunch table.
    It goes without saying Jenna threw plenty of shade at the liars. As always, the malicious intent behind her words is masked behind a veneer of phony congeniality. She reached the highest form of stealth bitchiness with the ability to diss somebody through an innocent compliment.

    1.) “Congratulations on your engagement, Hanna!” C’mon, this is Jenna at her trolling best. Bitch totally KNOWS Hanna broke off her engagement, but she’s rubbing the fake nuptials in her face.

    2.) “Tell Ali I hope she feels better!” Gurl, who u tryin 2 fool? Jenna sending her best wishes to Alison might be THE most contrived bullshit I’ve ever heard her say. If anything, she’s probably the one brainstorming ideas with Elliott on the sadistic torture methods they can inflict upon Ali. “I hope she feels better!” = “I HOPE SHE FEELS LIKE UTTER SHIT.”

    Jenna isn't even invited to her stepbrother's wedding. Toby and Yvonne don't want you there!
    Even though Jenna claims she returned to Rosewood to attend Toby’s wedding, we later find out they haven’t talked in years and he didn’t even offer her an invitation. *lol* In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was permanently banned from the event. I bet Toby and Yvonne put together a wedding guest blacklist, where Jenna is the second name on the list right below Spencer’s.

    Jenna tried to make nice in order to score an invitation to her stepbrother’s wedding, but Toby knows better than to allow the grim reaper anywhere near his special occasion. She is strictly prohibited from attending his wedding, his funeral, his birthday party, his anniversary party, his dinner party, his family reunion, his high school reunion, his band reunion, his baptism ceremony, and his bar mitzvah.

    Did you know Elliott Rollins isn't who he said he is!? SHOCKED FACES ALL AROUND.
    Speaking of Toby, you may like to know he had a major breakthrough in his ongoing police investigation! After over five years of being in the force, Officer Cavanaugh finally earned his paycheque for once and made a useful contribution to society. GJ Toby! Solve a few more cases like this and you won’t be considered as the laughing stock of law enforcement anymore!

    What he discovered: ELLIOTT ROLLINS ISN’T WHO HE SAYS HE IS ZOMG! Yes, it should’ve been obvious from the moment he ripped off his mask and spoke in a thick British accent, but now we have official confirmation that “Elliott” is a fraud who stole a dead doctor’s identity. Never mind how he passed the background check, I wanna know how Dr. Faux Rollins managed to keep his psychiatry job for over five years when he should be completely unqualified for the position?

    Toby confused the pretty little liars by announcing that Elliott Rollins is dead. Oops, that's not what he meant.
    Toby: *official announcement* ELLIOTT ROLLINS IS DEAD!!!
    Liars: 😲😲😲
    Toby: ……he’s been dead for 15 years.
    Liars: 😒😒😒

    Hey Toby, maybe you should’ve led with an explanation first instead of jumping straight to the conclusion? A story has a beginning, a middle, and an end, but this guy spoils the plot twist in the first sentence. The pretty little liars were so surprised at first, because they thought he actually deduced their crime. It turns out Toby was talking about a *different* Elliott Rollins and the confusion occurred because Officer Cavanaugh doesn’t know how to tell a coherent narrative.

    Emily is bluffing Toby with her poker face even though the police are closing in on the pretty little liars.
    The police may not know Faux Rollins is dead yet, but they do believe he’s an evil mofo who went on the run. The liars successfully misdirected the police with their amateur stunts and threw them off the scent for the time being. Even though these girls may be incompetent at covering up a crime, rest assured the Rosewood P.D. is even more incompetent at doing their jobs.

    Toby: We will find him!
    Emily: *nods head* Good.

    I love how Emily is bluffing Toby with her poker face, even though deep down she’s going like OHHH SHIIIT now that the police are closing in on their crime. Thank god Officer Cavanaugh is such a dunce that he doesn’t realize he’s leaking investigation details to the criminals he’s supposed to arrest. *lol*

    Hello Archer? This is your accomplice, Jenna.

    I dunno what Hanna's agenda is. Why is she now pretending to be a matchmaker when she spent the past dozen episodes trying to be a homewrecker?
    Back at brunch, Hanna and Spencer are rehashing over their love triangle drama yet again since they wanna run this tired ass plot to the grave. Hanna encourages Spencer to go after Caleb and confess the truth. Her actions seem so extra when Miss Marin spent the past dozen episodes trying to wreck the relationship that she now wants to bring back together. What is Hanna’s agenda? Why is the homewrecker suddenly pretending to be the matchmaker?

    Hanna: Are you going to stay mad at me forever?
    Spencer: No, but I do need to be mad at you for just a little longer. If you want to be a good friend, just lemme be mad.

    You may notice Spencer is on her eighth glass of morning mimosa by now. I wonder how many more drinks she must wolf down in order to get drunk enough to cope with this storyline.

    Caleb leaves Spencer after nicking half the clothes from her closet, just like he did with Hanna.
    Unfortunately, Caleb has done a runner! Spencer returns to her love nest to find out he packed up all his shit, including half the clothes in her closet. If you may recall, we’ve seen Caleb pull a similar stunt during the 6B finale, where he left Hanna’s apartment after raiding half the wardrobe in her closet. Not only did I break up with you, but I also nicked your clothes to sell for money in the second-hand store!

    What’s the deal with Caleb Rivers and his tendency to leave behind half-empty closets every time he breaks up with his girlfriends? Closet space should only be shared with faithful long-term boyfriends, not cheating loverats who inevitably change partners every few weeks. Considering his track record, you’d think Caleb might learn to put his clothes in a drawer or a bag instead, so that he doesn’t have to unhang everything whenever his relationships end.

    Did they just call Hanna noble even though she's the one who betrayed Spencer and kissed Caleb?
    Hanna: Jordan and I broke up, but I’m not telling anyone yet. Spencer and Caleb are going through some stuff.
    Mona: And you don’t wanna be a factor. That’s noble.

    Excuse me, I beg to differ! Um hello, she kissed Spencer’s boyfriend??? Let’s just say *noble* wouldn’t be the first word I’d use to describe Miss Marin. There’s some serious revisionism happening on Pretty Little Liars, where we’re supposed to believe Hanna is so selfless and so considerate for giving up the love of her life to another woman. Pretty soon, Spencer will be expected to thank Hanna just for returning her boyfriend back to her. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME HAVE CALEB AGAIN, YOU ARE TOO GENEROUS!

    Hanna admits that she got the pedals mixed up and that's why Rollins is dead.
    Despite her bravado, Hanna is still an emotional mess racked with guilt over her car accident. Except it wasn’t an accident, since Hanna admits she intended to kill Rollins. Her darkest murderous impulses were awakened last night and there’ll be many more dead bodies to come!

    Hanna: Spencer was right. There was to stop if I hadn’t gotten the pedals mixed up. I keep telling myself it was an accident, but when I saw Rollins… I just remembered being in a cold, dark room. So, was I confused? Or was I the least confused I’ve ever been in my life?

    Spencer was right all along! It was indeed FIRST! DEGREE! MURDER! …okay, technically, it’s still not first-degree murder. Just some dumb bitch who stepped on the wrong pedal and then covered up her embarrassment by pretending that she intended to kill him all along.

    Hanna lost her bracelet at the back of Elliott's car!
    At least the first-degree murder is covered up and we can finally put that piece of history behind us, right? Unfortunately, Hanna continues a series of unfortunate events and her latest folly involves losing her bracelet in the back of Elliott’s car. Quite frankly, with all the excessive accessories worn by the pretty little liars, I’m surprised they don’t drop an assortment of bracelets and rings and necklaces and trinkets with every few steps they take.

    To be honest, I didn’t even notice Hanna was wearing a bracelet? It would’ve been more interesting if she had lost something with more sentimental value, like her engagement ring instead. Imagine the hilarious irony of Hanna getting busted and going to jail all because of a knockoff engagement ring that she bought for $39.99. 💰

    Mona reassures Hanna that she'll evade police capture and they won't arrest her. THEY'RE NOT GOING TO!!!
    Hanna: Why!? Why is this happening!? If they find my bracelet in Rollins’ car…
    Mona: THEY’RE NOT GOING TO. 😎

    THEY’RE NOT GOING TO!!! Mona delivered that line like a badass mafia boss, spoken with so much grit and steely determination that you’d expect from a seasoned criminal who knows exactly what she’s doing. Or maybe I’m confusing her grit with her annoyance? If I was Mona, I’d be so fed up having to clean after my friend’s messes all the frigging time. Just once, Hanna, can you commit a perfect crime without leaving hundreds of loose ends!? Or better yet, can you avoid committing crime altogether? Leave the criminal activities to the real professionals!

    Hanna found her bracelet, while Mona found a clump of hair in Elliott's car.
    Mona: All I found is a candy wrapper and a clump of hair. Are you sure it’s in here?

    For the record, Hanna found her bracelet in between the car seats, but the more important takeaway is why did Mona find A CLUMP OF HAIR in Elliott’s car??? Whose hair is it? Where did it come from? Why is he keeping it in his car? Was Elliott wearing hair plugs? Did eating the candy bar cause him to lose his hair? I’m freaking out over all the unanswered questions with this startling discovery! I NEED ANSWERS!

    Jenna calls Archer on his burner phone. We find out they're secret accomplices working geotherm all along.
    Not only does Elliott keep candy wrappers and clumps of hair in his car, but it’s also where he keeps his burner phone hidden away in a secret compartment. Just then, the phone begins to ring! Hanna and Mona are #SHOOK when they hear who was on the other end of the call…

    Jenna: Hi Archer, can you hear me? It’s Jenna. Jenna Marshall.

    First of all, “It’s Jenna. Jenna Marshall” is the PLL equivalent of “Bond. James Bond.” Second of all, LMAOOOO!!! Why am I not surprised Queen Jenna was in cahoots with Alison’s torturer all along? Of course they were secret accomplices conspiring together. I imagine their relationship was along the lines of: “Hello Archer, I hear that you’ve been abusing Alison DiLaurentis. Ah yes, I find your cause worthwhile and would like to make a donation please.”

    41 Comments

    1. Is it just me or have they seriously upped the ‘thriller’ aspect of the show? I haven’t really watched episodes since 6B, but damn. It’s almost as if they were like, sipping martinis and lying wasn’t getting views no more, so they decide to make everyone bat-shit crazy. There is so much happening it’s like A Series of Unfortunate Events.

      Still love the show tho and I’m seriously looking forward to you finally being able to recap season 1. Keep up the awesome content!

      • I totally feel the same. The whole vibe of the show is different now, much different from what it was like when it first started. Back in Season 1, it was like *hee hee hee look at these catty bitches and their high school drama*. Fast forward to Season 7, and it’s like *HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THESE CRAZY BITCHES AND THEIR SERIAL KILLER DRAMA*.

        I dunno, there are elements that I like in both versions of the show, but the differences are definitely noticeable. I look forward to revisiting the Season 1 eppys when I finally get to the recaps too!

    2. ” Imagine being a normal person with enough common sense to realize that you should call the cops instead of needlessly committing a felony, only to be treated by everybody else as if YOU are the irrational one.”
      Welcome to my life at work.

      Anyhow, I’m glad you’re posting again, your recaps make me laugh when I really need to. Thank you!

    3. Today is the last day of filming for PLL :( I’ll really miss this show, even though it’s probably best they’re ending it now. Of course, I’ll miss your recaps just as much! You’ve provided me with many laughs over the years, and I wanted to say thank you! You write these recaps for free, in your spare time because you care about PLL fans like yourself. You created a community where we can make fun of our favorite show, while still enjoying the hell out of it. Thank you RE, for being a major and wonderful part of my PLL viewing experience. (And thank you for being one of the few sane people out there who realizes that Ezria is disgusting/the worse!)

      • THANK YOU!!! First of all, let’s get matching tattoos on our index fingers to commemorate our past seven seasons together. *lol can you believe those actresses actually did that wut*

        I already miss this silly little show too. *tears up* And thank you for reading my PLL recaps all these years! I’m always amazed whenever anyone actually reads my crap and the fact that you stuck around for so long means a lot to me! I love doing these recaps, I have a lot of fun when I’m working on one and I’m glad that anyone else can enjoy them too.

        Not only am I writing these recaps for free, a fun fact is that I’m actually losing money due to the costs of the web hosting. I can’t break even each year despite the ads on my site. *lol sad* But you know what? Just reading a nice comment like this makes it worthwhile, as corny as it may sound. :)

        I know it’s hard to believe considering my output is one new recap per year, but I truly do plan on recapping every single Pretty Little Liars episode (and other shows too, I guess) even after the show is over. So, you can always revisit this show and these recaps for years to come. Show these recaps to your great-grandchildren and we can all laugh about how much Ezria sux together!

      • Thank you! In a few days after I finish the Shadowhunters fourth episode recap, I’ll hop back onto the PLL episode four recap again. My *plan* is to rotate between the two shows episode by episode.

      • Thanks for taking the time to return to this recap! And I’m delighted that you like the redesign! Sometimes, I hover my mouse over the top navigation menu for no reason just because I like watching the TV screens light up, hehe~

    4. Gurrrrrl, will ya recap the missing recaps from S04,S05 and S06??? pretty plz?? with a cherry on top??
      this stuff if effing addictive and haven’t nuff of it! you make me lmaorofl with every recap

      • Yes, I will! My plans for PLL:

        – Finish the Season 7 recaps obviously
        – Power through the rest of the Season 6 filler
        – Finish up Season 4 and 5 – there are too many ridiculous storylines in those episodes that need to be addressed.
        – Redo the screenshots for Season 2 + 3
        – Finally, do Season 1 + redo the Season 1 Finale recap

        I shall not quit until I finish recapping every single PLL episode out there~

    5. You’re BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

      Your elevator graphic reminds me of The Sims. Do you play?

      Also, what the hell is up with Spencer’s rich family not having any proper security on their house???

      • OMG. I drew that elevator doodle while thinking about the elevator woohoo from The Sims as my inspiration, so it’s like you read my mind~ Confession: I’m a hardcore simmer who can’t help but buy all of the overpriced DLCs, even though I haven’t touched my game in a while.

      • I thought you were! Awesome! Since my computer isn’t up to speed anymore, I only buy the expansion packs I think I’ll really like, which are the ones I need to build my dream houses.
        Have you ever made PLL Sims?
        I also think you’d really enjoy the Nintendo 3DS game Tomodachi Life.
        Anyway, thanks for updating! <3

      • I’ve never recreated the liars on The Sims, but I sometimes starve my sims, drown them and and make them pee themselves, so I guess that kinda makes me like A in a way. <3

        No, I haven't played Tomodachi Life. In fact, I haven't touched my 3DS in so long since like....Fire Emblem lol.

      • Thanks for coming back, bb! :D

        There will be more! But first, I have to rewatch the next five episodes because I honestly don’t even remember what happened lol. More recaps will be coming, but they’ll be slowly trickling in.

    6. (I can’t get enough of this Caleb icon. XD)

      Isn’t this already the second time that Aria and Hanna fail at getting rid of a car? Remember when Wilden’s car reappeared from the water?

      Also, when you called Mona a criminal consultant, I had the sudden destructive urge to see her in a show with Moriarty. THAT would be epic – and terrifying.

      • Only on Pretty Little Liars would somebody need to dispose a car TWICE during their lifetimes. <3

        I don't have any proof, but I'm relatively certain Mona is one of Moriarty's protégées or business associates from his empire of crime. Mona must've learned all her crime lord knowledge from the very best!

    7. Geez, I just started reading the books out of curiosity and boredom and that steaming pile of shite that is Ezria is barely mentioned, he breaks with her! OMFG why couldn’t the TV folks follow that particular line??!

    8. The other day I was on the interwebs and I almost spit my drink when I saw Elliot’s actor in a Fitbit commercial. He just seemed so out of place…

      • I noticed that too lol. In her defense, a seasoned criminal like Mona probably had her fingerprints burned off a long time ago just to avoid leaving behind forensic evidence.

    9. creo que el abrigo rojo que yo persequi podia haber sido Alison. me espero en la puerta y en la esquina queria que yo la siquiese y esto es lo que Alison queria que viendos – ¿ que es este lugar creo que es guarida de A hay una linea de tiempo para cada una de nosotras todos nuestros secretos nuestros momentos privados. lo esta docunmentado todo. – ¿ que eso ? eso es como A nos estuvo vigilando. a esta monitorizando a la policia vigilando. las calles. nuestras sistemas de alarma. asi es como A esta en todas partes caleb, no esta funcinando ¿ presionaste shift y command cuando metiste los numero ? hice exactamente lo que me dijste que hiciese no me gusta la idea de que esten ahi solas, chicas y no puedo meterme en esa computadora desde aqui bueno no te dire que no vengas

    10. estoy esperando a toby todavia esta en el hotel. mona puede estar a salvo, pero eso no significa que no este metida en esto ¿ entonces cuanto te vere ? me subire al proximo autobus creo que acaba de la encontrar. la cuerta bancaria de A, de acuerdo bueno solo llamame cuando estes en camino ¿ de acuerdo ? – de acuerdo – Adios parece que A forma una sociedad ¿ cece no estudiaba negocios en Upenn ? si pero creo que esto sea suyo parece que tambien esta en la nomina hay dos pagos hechos a cece drake la semana pasada quiza A le pago para vestise el abrigo rojo si. para alejarnos de Alison creo que A es un tipo ¿ hanna visto estas ?

    11. espera estaba con Alison cuando compro esa camisa decia que la nescesitaba para una cita esa noche en un tipo mayor ¿ quiza lan ? o wren ha estando juntandose con shanna con Shanna y ha vuleto con melissa no no creo que wren sea A porque A ha estado vigiliadolo miren bueno todovia creo que todos los caminos dirigen a bañador es decir el nombre de la compañia es Higbee y sea era la playa favorita de Alison en cabo may. ¿ crees que beñador es quien esta tomando estas fotos ?¿ esta cece trabajando para el mira esta es una

    12. mira esta es una carta de Alison conocio a este chico en Rosewood y mintio sobre edad el pense que tenia 18 años esa viaje a la costa del que la Sra dialurentis hablo con hanna Alison nunca planeo invitacinos queria llevando a el alli chicas A no estuvo vigilandonos solo a nosotras creo que tambien estuvo siquiendo a Alison la tiene en la cabaña la noche del incendio parece que ha estado siquiendo su pista hasta Rovenswood si Alison lleva viva todo este tiempo entonces ¿ al funeral de quien fuimos ? de acuerdo eso es espeluzanante esta noche tendrian una celebracion si y bañador cree que Alison estara alli. lo que siguifica que tenemso que encontrariala primero

      Alison tiene una hermana gemela confiamdo

    13. luego regrese a la granja y espere por otro mensaje nada llego fui a casa creyendo que gane que silencie a A pude escucharla hablendo con alquien penso que estaba muerta estaba intertando de decirle que estaba viva estaban gritando ” ¿ puedo verme ? ¿ puede verme respriando ? ¿ mirame pero las palabas no salian no podia moverme Alison. estamos aqui por ti muy bien, todas estamos aqui para ti y siempre hemos estado para ti deberias habemos contado.

    14. CAPITULO 1 Spencer, tiene razon tengo que decirte la verdad antes de que sea demasiado tarde papa me esta llevando al aeropuerto vuelvo a ingleaterra el esta queriendo que vulva desde que le dije en la comisaria lo que paso la noche que desapreciste tan vez papa tiene razon y no hay mas que hacer que callarse la boca pero no puedo dejarte. no de nuevo no asi. asi que voy a deciste la verdad tu puedes hacer lo que quieras con ella. ta vez te ayudara tan vez, no pero al menos, lo sabias te vi la noche en que Alison desaparecio te escuche peleando con ella y te vi te vi con una pala en la mano. parecio qur todos y cada uno de los que cometieron el error de tocar a Alison estuviese alli aquella noche. ¿ como es esa linea de la Tempestad ? ” esta isla esta llena de ruidos ” y entonces vi el cuerpo pense que habias matado a Alison con esa pala ahora no estoy segura de lo que paso pero estando ahi parada eso fue lo que pense y no queria que nadie lo supiera no puedo mirarla a la cara asi que la empuje y la tape y no le dije a nadie lo que hiciste o lo que crei que habia hacho ahora se que era Alison y que no estaba muerta cuando la enterre era una desconocida y yo enterre viva porque pense que te estaba protegiendo. nuestras familia tiene el don de la auto – preseracion pero hay un punto en el pasas de ser superviviente a depredador y creo que eso es lo que nos ha pasado a nosotras Adios Spencer te quiero

    15. pense que habias dicho que Alison borro todo el material de radley de la casa de mona eso es que pensamos pero escondio este, no te guardo con los otros bien veamos por que.
      es una zorra vamos a intentar encontrar otras palabras es una zorra malvada bethany no quiero decir desagradables o mateducada quiero decir malvada, sin alma puedes ser la persona del mundo ella consique que hagan. todo lo que quiere cinco minutos con ella y ahogarias a gatitos en una bolsa si te lo pidiera dos minutos, si eres hombre si estas teniendo pensamientos destructivos no destructivos de auto- defensa soy yo o ella ella no es la unica que puedes hacer planes.
      que demonios fue eso ? era bethnay y ella hablas sobre a Alison, ¿ verdad hay escucharle todo

    16. no ha sido ” A ” quienquiera que fuera podia haberme matado y decido no hacerlo ¿ quien querria asustarte de sea manera ? lucas . tu hermana – ¿ melissa ? es parte de la banda de mona no sabamos quien fue. ¿ de acuerdo? estaba muy osourio como para ver algo dios mio ¿ como puedes haber pasando ? pense porque estaba sola hanna no estaba con ella – ¿ donde esta hanna ? – no la he llamado iba a ayudar a Alison marcharse de la ciudad esta noche – ¿ que ? ¿ que ? no se enfaden con ella lo que ha ocurrido es solo una prueba mas de que deberia irme no estamos mas cerca de averigual quien es ” A ” eso puede no ser cierto EDDIE LAMB le dio esto a ezra ¿ EDDIE ?. ¿ de radley ? si.

    17. ¿ que se supone que es ? es un dibujo de mi madre creemos que bethany dibujo eso mientras estaba alli asi que se conocian no parece que a bethany le gustara tu madre ¿ en serio ? ¿ que ha delatado ? ¿ ha sido el demonio o la lanza ? – ¿ dijo eddie ? – nada lo dejo forma anonima ezra todovia tiene una camara en su pastillo y lo vimos en el videos no lo entiendo ¿ por que le dira Eddie eso ezra Eddie quiere que ezra sepa que hay algo que investigar en radley una de nosotras tiene que entrar ahi voto por Spencer ¿ que ? conoces mejor el lugar no puedo volver alli estuve internada y su padre ayudo a la familia de toby ganar un acuerdo contra radley creo que tengo una forma de entrar ” ¿ ves que facil es para mi matarte ? si te vas de Rosewood lo hare ” A ” no lo entiendo durante dos años, ” A ” ha estado cazandote como un gato guerrero y ahora ” A ” no quiere vivia y en la ciudad pero, ¿ porque ? ¿ que es peor que la muerte ?

    18. ¿ esta bien ? alquien tiro su bendeja del almuerzo y practicamente se le sale el corazon por la boca ya se acabo la nueva normalidad si pensaba que era demasiado bueno para ser verdad demasiando bueno para ver verdad. esta dos semana han si dio una porqueria ¿ toby sique en el hospital ? si esta alli con jenna y su madre ¿ que pasa con caleb ? ¿ cuanto tiempo estara en la ciudad ? ¿ quien sabe dios mio ¿ que es eso ? dios mio Alison ” enterre a tu madre de la misma manera que la vi enterradonete a ti ” A ” ” A ” mato a mi madre ¿ quien podia ser ? ¿ mona ? ¿ alquien trabajando son shanna si, o alquien en quien aun no hemos pesando Spencer , ¿ esta bien ? mi padre no lo hizo lo acuse de asesiento pero el no lo hizo bueno. tiene sentido que pensaras es que lo hiciera A . no ser que tu padre sea ” A ” ,lo siento solo estaba sugririendo no, el no puede ser. penso que mate a Alison y ahora bethnay eso todovia descarla a tu hermana algunas cosas nuncas cambian y ahora estamos otra vez en el punto de partida. no ezra piensa que bethany puedes llevando has ” A ” bien entonces tenemos que intentar ayudar a ezra a descubrir todo lo que podamos sobre ella ¿ no estamos yendo demasido lejos con esto ? ¿ tiene un mejor plan ? no puedo esperas respuestas necesito irme de la cuidad ya pero acabas de volver la unica razon por la que vuelto es porque pense que ” A ” habia muerto si A quiseria matarte, no lo habias hecho ya por que jugar hacer explotar una cosas no tengo idea pero no me voy a quedar aqui para averiguarlo. pero si te marchas de rosewood entonces no podremso portegente si y ademas esto no es como antes Alison la policia esta observando todos tus movientos todo el mundo sabe que estas viva aunque podieras escapar, ¿ donde te esconderias ?

      COURTHENY dilaurentis gemela Alison confimadasesta serie son hermana gemela de mona y Spencer son hermana gemela en la casa hastings malvada Alex drake es gemela de Spemcer la madre May drake esta radley son bebe una hasgntis otra quedo radley

      firma jimena

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