Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 2

Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 2
Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 2
Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 2
Who's ready for more of the riveting love triangle drama between Haleb and Spaleb!? I sure am! Meanwhile, the pretty little liars spend the entire episode investigating plots that were known to the viewers since the season premiere.
Pretty Little Liars Recaps » Season 7 Episode 2 » Bedlam
  • This is the episode where Aria and Hanna break up with their cannon fodder love interests.
  • Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 2 Review


    PLL Recap: Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 2

    This episode originally aired on June 28, 2016. The episode recap has 11 comments from the best readers ever.
    Mary actually rescued Hanna instead of abducting her again.
    OMG! Hanna is still alive! Surprisingly enough, this episode did not begin with Mary Drake transporting a lifeless body into her car trunk and smuggling her victim into a meat warehouse. Instead, Hanna was rescued and given a ride home. It must be shocking for many of us to see that Mary is actually on the side of…good? I don’t understand why you’re saving Hanna, I thought you were the one who kidnapped her???

    What are the chances of Mary driving in the middle of nowhere and then stumbling upon Hanna as soon as Caleb & Mona stopped doing surveillance on her? Don’t forget that the original abduction happened at Mary’s motel. Are we supposed to believe this has been a big coincidence and that bitch was just in the *right place* at the *right time*? I dunno what her agenda is and I dunno why she rescued her own captive, but MARY I KNOW UR SHADY BOO!!!

    Caleb is a gross cheating dirtbag.

    Hanna doesn't need to go to the police after being captured and tortured for over 24 hours. LOLWHAT.
    Mary: If someone tried to hurt you, the police…
    Hanna: I have to talk to my friends before I do anything!

    Hanna is so baller that she doesn’t have to go to the police, see a doctor, or even cry home to mommy after being captured and tortured for over 24 hours. No biggie, I get abducted all the time, this is just a typical Saturday routine for me! Hanna also didn’t express any gratitude to the woman who kinda just saved her life. Okay, granted, Mary was most likely the one who kidnapped you in the first place, but you can still thank the bitch for not killing you on the spot!

    Andrea Parker is nailing her scenes as Mary Drake. She is KWEEN.
    The best part about this opening act was of course Andrea Parker, who took the most mundane lines from a very mediocre script and elevated the material into some dark, dramatic Macbethian performance.

    Mary: Family is a very complicated thing, Hanna. *intense glare* Many families have secrets. *forlorn sigh* Most families, really. *voice cracks* And sometimes, those secrets are actual people… *contemplative pause* IMAGINE THAT. *evil smirk*

    Mary made little sense as she rambled on about ALL DEM FAMILY SEKRITS, but I still relished every moment of her smirking and glaring and even her voice was quivering as she described her hardships. She could be reading the nutritional info from the back of a cereal box and I’d still feel chills listening to her, that’s how phenomenal our queen is.

    Caleb is already cheating on Spencer with Hanna right in front of her. Poor Spencer.
    After Hanna’s anticlimactic rescue, we don’t explore her trauma or her angst or her many psychological scars… but let’s dive straight into the HALEB VS. SPALEB TROJAN WARS because watching two girls fight over a guy is what Pretty Little Liars is all about! 😉

    Sadly, it didn’t take long before Caleb was all over his ex-girlfriend while completely ignoring his real girlfriend in the background. He exchanged intimacies with Hanna as openly as possible, almost as if Spencer wasn’t in the room watching them and her heart didn’t break with every glance. Dude, can you have the decency to find a dinky motel room instead of cheating on your girlfriend right in front of her!?

    Hanna accepts Caleb's marriage proposal and accepts his engagement ring. Hooray for Haleb!
    There was a particularly cringey moment when Spencer watched in mortified horror as Caleb gave an engagement ring to Hanna. Um, holy shit, was that a marriage proposal!? Okay, technically, she lost her ring and he returned it back to her, but…I don’t care what the context is? THE BOTTOM LINE IS YOU DON’T DO THAT SHIT IN FRONT OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!! Lesson number one: don’t propose to your ex-girlfriend with her fiancé’s engagement ring while your current girlfriend is watching!
    Hanna rejects Caleb's advances even though it's so obvious he wanna get back together with her.
    In the next scene, Caleb is once again glued to Hanna’s ass while Spencer glares at the two of them so much that her strained eyeballs almost fell off. Thank god she eventually got fed up with their sexual tension and voluntarily left the room. If she stayed there any longer, I’m afraid the two of them might have the audacity to make out with each other right in front of her!

    Even though Caleb made it clear which bachelorette gets his final rose, Hanna doesn’t wanna get back together with him! It’s perplexing how somebody can go from “I never stopped loving you!” to “I changed my mind about you three seconds ago!”, but Haleb is a no-go because apparently Hanna wants to play hard to get? That bitch babbled on and on trying to justify her actions, finally admitting that she used him for his body and only hooked up with her ex because she felt horny. But there’s simply no endgame romance between them, sorry!

    Spencer is too busy crying and pitying herself instead of doing something to stop Haleb.
    While Caleb and Hanna are denying their feelings for each other, Spencer is too busy pitying herself and having a good cry outside. I need to lean against this wall and CONTEMPLATE!

    Emily: Hey, are you okay?
    Spencer: *sniffling* Yeah, I’m fine…uh, I just wanted to be by myself for a minute.

    Look, I feel really bad for her, but Spencer’s biggest problem is that she has too much damn sportsmanship. This chick is so concerned about being a good friend to Hanna that she won’t speak up, she won’t vocalize her concerns, and she won’t call out those bitches. No, no, no! If you got a problem with your bf cheating on you with your bff, then say something! Do something! Go slash his tires! Leak his nudes! Make him suffer! It’ll make you feel better!

    Can Spencer please stop crying and start kicking some much needed Haleb ass?

    Ugh, can we seriously not go through this pity party of one? If Spencer is gonna lose Caleb to Hanna, then I wanna see her lose this fight with dignity and not mope around like some long-suffering girlfriend silently agonizing over her internalized angst. It’s not fun watching Haleb walk all over Spencer, I want her to stand up and clap back! Take your claws out, swing your hook punch, drop some much needed home truths on your scumbag boyfriend and his side piece! You need to fight, Spencer Hastings! FIGHT FOR YOUR SELF-RESPECT!!!

    Spencer got fired from her job today! Quite frankly, I'm surprised she even had a job in the first place.
    As if it wasn’t bad enough that Spencer lost her boyfriend, she also lost her job today! Umm, am I the only one who didn’t know she was still employed as a lobbyist or whatevs? When Spencer said she worked in Washington, I thought that was just another way of saying: “I work at the Salk Institute, I swear!”

    Spencer: I GOT FIRED! By text! *reading* You have abused the generosity of this organization and chosen to pursue partisan interests over the greater good.

    Considering the bitch never did a single minute of work in her so-called job anyway, this is no big loss. If there’s any consolation, Spencer can continue working for her mom as some sort of maidservant and keep getting a weekly allowance from her!

    Maybe Spencer can get a bartending job at The Radley too!
    P.S. Hey Spencer, I hear that The Radley is hiring a bartender! I’m sure your very practical political degree will look great on that job application form, along with any experience wiping counters and mopping vomit on the floor. Who knows, maybe you and Emily can even work the same shift together!
    Caleb is a completely gross human being and the way he operates makes my skin crawl.
    Once Caleb finds out that he can’t score with Hanna, this sleazy slimeball goes crawling back to Spencer in the most pathetic ploy ever. After treating his girlfriend like crap in the past few episodes, he’s now coaxing her with kisses and affections as if nothing was wrong. See, this is why everyone should have a back-up girlfriend, just in case your main squeeze doesn’t work out. Hanna doesn’t want me, so I’m all yours again Spencer!

    The answer is no, in case you were wondering if Caleb has any shame whatsoever. Ugh, I just can’t deal with how this dirtbag can kiss Spencer so casually after he put his filthy ass lips on another woman. Get your hands off her, you two-timing piece of trash! Caleb is such a gross fecal being and his behaviour has been savage as fuck. In conclusion: DIS MOFO SUX.

    PLL's love triangle drama isn't interesting at all, not even in the slightest bit.
    Spencer: I’m afraid to ask you this, but I really have to. Did we make a mistake? You and I?
    Caleb: No! No, we didn’t. Whatever we did wasn’t a mistake. It was real.
    Spencer: So, why are you talking about it in the past tense?

    Oh man, this is brutal to watch. Brutal, as in brutally boring that is. Pretty Little Liars seems to think they crafted a compelling, heartbreaking piece of relationship melodrama, but omg watching this tedious love triangle has AGED me. We already know Spaleb’s relationship is OFFICIALLY DEAD in the past tense, the present tense & the future tense, so can we please not waste time overanalyzing it anymore!? Unless Spencer literally castrates Caleb after finding out he cheated on her, there’s nothing left in this storyline that could interest me at all. 😴

    Liam gives Ezra an EPIC SMACKDOWN!!!

    All of the useless new love interests are good as gone!
    One of the greatest things to happen in this episode is that Pretty Little Liars did an annual spring cleaning and decided to get rid of all the useless new love interests in one swoop. Each and every single one of them must be eradicated from this earth! Technically, I guess Yvonne survived the cull… BUT HER TIME IS COMING!!! 💀

    That means no more filler scenes about a bunch of insignificant characters whose lives don’t matter, hooray! Unfortunately, it also means we have to sit through *one* more episode featuring these nobodies as we wrap up their storylines as half-assedly as possible. Ugh, make dis shit quick, nobody currs.

    Aria breaks up with Liam by telling him IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME BABE.
    IT’S OVAH, LIAM!!! Aria doesn’t mince words and immediately breaks it off with her bofo, who made a *hometown visit* to receive his termination notice in person. I’m not sure why Aria doesn’t spare him the extra trip and just break up with Liam through a webcam or a quick e-mail message. Do they not have e-cards for the special occasion of dumping somebody?

    Aria: It’s just coming home and seeing my friends and everything that Ali is going through… I realize I have a lot of unresolved things in my life and it wouldn’t be fair to you!
    Liam: I think you want me to say ‘thank you’, but I’m not going to. 😒

    SORRY LIAM. IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME. She didn’t use those exact words, but let’s just keep the bullshit excuses short and sweet. Nobody asked for your life story, Aria. Just an adequate explanation about why you’re such an awful girlfriend, preferably in five words or less.

    Poor Liam looked like he was about to cry after Aria dumped his ass.
    Aria: I think we both saw this coming!
    Liam: Apparently, one of us saw it before the other… 😭😭😭

    Really, Liam? You didn’t see it coming after she turned down fifty phone calls every day, deleted your voicemails, ignored your texts, blocked your number, and changed her permanent address just to avoid having this conversation with you? Liam is such a schmuck that the poor thing looked like he was about to CRY after getting dumped. It’s kinda sad but also kinda funny to see him take this relationship so seriously, especially since Aria’s reaction to the whole ordeal has been like DON’T H8 THE PLAYA, H8 THE GAME~ *lol*

    Why did Aria get back together with Liam if she was only going to break up with him a few episodes later?
    #TBT to that episode last season when Liam kinda dumped Aria’s ass and she begged him to take her back. I SWEAR I DON’T HAVE FEELINGS FOR EZRA! I ONLY CURR ABOUT YOU, BABE! Umm, what was the whole point of all that bs if they’re just gonna break up a few episodes later anyway? You gotta wonder if Aria only got back together with Liam just so *she* could be the one to dump *him* and have the last laugh. Only I get to break hearts around these parts, mister!
    Liam takes the high road and promises to have an amicable breakup with Aria. How precious.
    In a shock twist, Liam reveals that he’s the new editor for Ezria’s book! Mwhahaha, all of us cackle and rub our hands together in malicious glee, because we thought this was the perfect chance for Liam to get back at Aria by sabotaging her career!

    Liam: You worked hard for this. I’d like to see you get something you always wanted. And hey, at least we can cross the finish line together. 😇

    Instead, Liam takes the high road and promises to keep a professional working relationship. Being the sweet, sensitive, kind-hearted earth angel that he is, Liam bears no ill will towards his ex-girlfriend and wants her to succeed. Wow, what a classy dude. It’s your loss, Aria. The truth is Liam can do sooooo much better than dis cheating heffa, so I’m not that sad for him and I give him my best wishes on the happy Aria-free life that he deserves in the future.

    Maybe Aria wouldn't have broken up with Liam if he told her he was still working on the book beforehand?
    Aria: I was in such a rush to get it over with that I broke up with him before he told me that he was back on the book. I really complicated the situation…

    Does Aria have buyer’s remorse? Why does this bitch sound like she wouldn’t have dumped him if she knew he was still working on the book? Imagine if Liam had told her the news beforehand. Well, it would be too *complicated* to break up with my publisher now, so…let’s just keep sneaking around and cheating on him until I finish my book lulz~ Given the choice, I think Aria would be totally open to keeping Liam as a back-up boyfriend like a spare set of batteries. I won’t use him often, but just in case I need him for emergencies!

    Liam sure changed his tune about working on Ezria's book professionally as soon as he saw Ezra and Aria shacking up together.
    Liam is such a nice, understanding guy…UNTIL he saw Ezra and Aria’s disgusting PDA that made him wanna vomit! EWWW EZRIA FUCKING GROSS!!! Sorry, Liam didn’t say that, it was just my natural knee-jerk reaction to seeing the two of them together. I’m like a trauma victim exposed to too much Ezria footage in the past and can’t help whenever my PTSD flares up.

    Anyway, Liam is seething because while he doesn’t mind being dumped by Aria, it does bother him that he got dumped…FOR EZRA. Wouldn’t you be pissed off too if you lost to that moral degenerate on any sort of fundamental level? This transcends beyond any good vs. evil comparisons. This is an important issue of HUMAN VERSUS BEAST and us humankind must root for our species to triumph over Ezra’s!

    Liam tells Ezra to his face: THE PREDATORY NATURE OF HIS ACTIONS.
    During their book club meeting, Liam wastes no time and immediately goes in on Ezra!

    Liam: And there’s a problem with his backstory…
    Ezra: What sort of problem?
    Liam: The predatory nature of his actions.

    I’m sorry, but please allow me to convey my thoughts through this enormous emoji:


    Liam continues the epic smackdown of Ezra and takes no prisoners. First he calls him predatory and now he calls him a shit writer!
    Excuse me, Recap Everything had to step aside for a moment because I got a nosebleed from laughing so hard. BWHAHAHAHA. 😆😆😆 I got goosebumps, y’all. Hearing Liam call Ezra a predator to his face felt better than an orgasm. It was such a majestic melody of words, but the best part is that we’re just getting started with this EPIC SMACKDOWN OF EZRA.

    Ezra: You think he comes across as predatory?
    Liam: I understand the impulse. The Lolita myth, not the Nabokov original, but the whole ‘older man inappropriately young girl’ idea that’s been trashed by lesser writers.

    OMFG. First he calls out Ezra for being predatory, and then he makes a snide dig about Ezra being a trashy lesser writer! To his face! Oh snap! LIAM IS A MAN AFTER MY OWN HEART. I AGREE WITH HIM 100% ON EVERY SINGLE SYLLABLE OF WORD. HE IS THE ANTI-EZRA CHRIST!!!

    Liam slyly tells Ezra that he makes his skin crawl.
    Ezra: Well, we can’t all be Nabokov. Some of us can’t even manage Nicholas Sparks.
    Liam: Well, at least Sparks understands what a reader can tolerate and what makes their skin crawl.

    PFFFFFT. CHOKING ON MY OWN SPIT. King Liam is going innnnn on Ezra with no mercy, attacking his moral character with the most precisely barbed insult. How long have we waited for someone to finally drop all these hard-hitting home truths on Ezra? Holy shit, Liam is my fucking hero! (P.S. Leave it to the two bookworm weirdos to throw in all these literary references during their verbal spar. Then again, Liam wouldn’t be Liam if he didn’t behave like such an adorkable nerd. 😁)

    Ezra's justification is that he isn't that far apart in age when he fucked her as a teenager. Okay, bro.
    Ezra: Are we looking at the same pages here? Because they aren’t that far apart in age, so I’m having a little trouble seeing what you’re seeing…

    OH FUCK OFF, EZRA!!! Is that how this skeevy mofo justifies the morally depraved relationship in his head? “Age is just an arbitrary number that drifts in and out through the rhythms of life…” BULL-FUCKIN’-SHIT, OKAY!? You were a predatory adult, she was a teenage jailbait, and what happened between the two of you is a whole lotta statutory rape! I wish I had a little trouble UNSEEING your shit-stained romance, but you put it inside her and now you gotta face the consequences of your horrifying sexual offense!

    Liam is spilling so much truth tea over the show that his righteousness cannot be contained.
    Not only does Liam throw infinite shade at his nemesis, he also manages to diss the PLL showrunners and the entire writing staff for continually endorsing Ezra.

    Liam: That’s because he’s your hero. You’re invested in justifying his actions. You’re too close to see him for what he really is.

    A+ for some top-notch lit crit! For those of us who feel frustrated that PLL constantly romanticizes Ezra’s character as a hero, Liam finally represents a voice for the voiceless. He articulates our criticisms of a show that always defends Ezra’s actions and never punishes his mistakes just because he’s the protagonist in a popular romance. Somebody needs to print out Liam’s words and send them to Marlene King in a holiday card because that homeboy SPEAKS SO MUCH TRUTH.

    Liam forgot that he was supposed to diss Ezra in code and just ends up dissing him to his face instead.
    Liam: Look, neither one of us want Aria to look foolish. Like she’d let herself get talked into something that she didn’t want.
    Ezra: You mean Aria’s character…?
    Liam: …Yeah. *stares* Her character.

    At one point, Liam got so worked up that he dropped all pretenses and forgot he was supposed to be dissing Ezra in “code”. Oh right, we were definitely talking about the predatory nature of the fictional character in a book, as opposed to the predatory nature of the former high school teacher who banged his student. No offense intended if I touched a nerve, hehe!

    Liam is a god-tiered character after he took down Ezra in the most epic way possible.
    Liam: I’m here to protect this book and that means protecting the authors. Both of them.
    Ezra: *scoffs* Protect them from what!?
    Liam: *gestures to Ezra* A loss of perspective. Poor judgment. Avoidable bad choices.

    Every fucking word out of Liam’s mouth is like twisting a knife in Ezra’s heart, bwhahaha! 🔪 His epic character assassination is easily Liam’s crowning achievement on the show. Before this scene, the guy known as Aria’s four-eyed boyfriend was just an inconsequential love interest dismissed by the entire PLL fanbase. All of a sudden, he had a serious upgrade in badassery and unleashed a whole tornado of righteousness that took everyone by surprise. I’m so glad to have witnessed his god-tiered transformation before my eyes and now I shall be on TEAM LIAM FOREVER!!!

    Ezra starts bitching to Aria about how he got bullied by Liam and his righteous words.
    Afterwards, Ezra goes crying home to mommy and starts whining about how he got bullied by Liam. That big meanie said all those hurtful untrue things about me, wahhh wahhhh!

    Ezra: What I gotten wasn’t criticism. It was anger.
    Aria: Anger at what?
    Ezra: At me! I promise to keep my side clean, but if every note session is gonna be a ten-round bout, I don’t know what’s gonna be left of this book! Or any of us!

    If Liam actually manages to take down both Ezra AND his satanic spellbook, then give that man a Nobel Peace Prize award right now because he just destroyed one of the evillest horcruxes in this world. Do it, King Liam! We’re all rooting for you to take Ezria down!!!

    Liam is no longer an Ezra fan after meeting the creepy mofo in person.
    After being fed Ezra’s twisted version of events, Aria confronts Liam and bitches him out for hurting her man’s pride with too much righteousness.

    Aria: You said that we could work together! That we could all be adults!
    Liam: I meant it when I said it… I dunno, reading his pages again and sitting there listening to him while he was talking… He has a way with words. I used to admire that.
    Aria: And you don’t anymore?
    Liam: No, now I’m suspicious!

    I love how Liam used to be such a big Ezra fan until actually meeting him in person and now he’s completely repulsed by that monster. Five minutes alone with him and yup, creep alert!

    Liam says that Aria was seduced by her high school teacher, and she denies it even though Liam is correct about everything as usual.
    Liam: It was a lot of unconnected things that I didn’t want to connect. And then, it clicked together on their own. Your history. What you’ve been writing. How you’ve been writing it. I think you were seduced by your English teacher when you were in high school!
    Aria: ………that’s not how it happened.

    Yeah Liam, you’re totally in the wrong! She seduced him first! *lol* No, Liam’s on-point assessment is EXACTLY how it happened between Aria and Ezra no matter how much she tries to deny history. Please, Miss Montgomery, tell us what happened in the fantasy version of the fairytale love story in your head. Were there castles, princesses, rainbows, dragons, and a speaking animal companion on your shoulder? We must hear about the real origins of Ezria!

    Aria: I used to think what if there was a button that I could push, and all of the things that complicated my life could unhappen. I could push it and all of the people that shouldn’t have died would still be alive (hi Shana!), and I wouldn’t have hurt anyone or disappointed them, or nobody would hurt me or lie to me, and this whole mess would just be cleaned up!

    Sorry for interrupting your moving speech, Martin Luther King, but where can I find this magical button that you’re talking about? I’ll gladly press it a hundred times and help you delete your account, gurl.

    What is Liam waiting for!? You're spot-on with your suspiciosn! Report Ezra to the authorities already!
    Aria: But if I pushed that button, I would be gone too! I’m me because what has happened, what I’ve done, and because of who I’ve loved. I like that person. That me, mess and all.

    What *A LOT OF WORDS* just to come to the obvious conclusion that you’re a *WALKING HUMAN DISASTER*. Yes, Aria, we’ve already established that fact without your vagina monologues. If all that misguided, deluded, pitiful nonsense is how the bitch wanna justify hooking up with her high school teacher, then that’s her prerogative. Just save your breath and repeat those words again in your character testimony when Liam finally reports your predatory boyfriend to the police! 😩

    Goodbye Jordan, my sweet mannequin prince.

    Hanna got so bored looking at the paperwork that it reminded her of how she felt about Jordan.
    IT’S OVAH, JORDAN!!! Oh wait, are they still together? I guess Hanna is clinging onto her doomed engagement and still trying to force an endgame romance to happen between them. Talk about a waste of time. At least Aria had the decency to cut off her love interest’s life support early in the episode instead of dragging out this shit. Let him go, Hanna! The garbage bin is this way!

    Just because they’re still together doesn’t mean Hanna cares about Jordan or even likes him very much. (Theory: “I didn’t lose my engagement ring, Caleb! I threw it away on my own!”) At first, she ignored her fiancé as usual, keeping him out of sight and out of mind. Hanna only thought about him as she was going through some boring paperwork, and then she got so bored reading the documents that it must’ve reminded her of how she felt about Jordan. *lol*

    PLL is struggling to make Jordan's character interesting before they cut him off the show forever.
    At this point, Pretty Little Liars must’ve started panicking because they wanted an emotional breakup scene between Hanna and Jordan, but then realized he had ZERO character development and none of the fans gave a damn about his existence. They could write him off the show with one sentence and nobody would know or care that the pod person was gone.

    Quick, emergency writers’ meeting! Is there a way to make anybody care about Hanna’s mannequin fiancé before we kick him off the show? Umm, why don’t we insert a last-minute flashback to give Jordan’s character a backstory and some semblance of personality? Okay, well, I guess achieving one out of two goals isn’t so bad…

    We see a flashback of how Jordan and Hanna met each other. And voila, they're engaged!
    During the flashback, we see how Jordan and Hanna met for the first time. They sat in a bar, there was a misunderstanding, he garbled through several bad pick-up lines until he said something that resembled charming instead of sleazy, and voila they were engaged!

    Hanna: Suppose I’m meeting someone?
    Jordan: You’re not. You ordered a second drink. If you were meeting someone, you would’ve nursed your first drink.
    Hanna: Have you been counting my drinks? 😏
    Jordan: I notice details. 😏

    Yes, that’s the full Jordanna love saga covered in the span of approximately 45 seconds, which is sadly still the most screentime they’ve spent on Jordan since his character was introduced.

    The ambiance and background music in this flashback created the illusion that Jordan's character has charisma.
    Strangely enough, I enjoyed the flashback? Maybe the sexy ambiance or the background music created the illusion that Jordan has charisma, but something just *clicked* for me and I found myself appreciating the mannequin fiancé for a hot second. If PLL had bothered to do a couple more flashbacks, they were on their way to making Jordan a… okay, I don’t wanna say “an interesting character”, but at least they were on their way to making him a character instead of just a flimsy cardboard cut-out of one.
    Hanna tries to seduce Jordan with her sexy legs.
    Hanna must’ve developed an irresistible romantic attraction with Jordan in another unseen flashback because we certainly didn’t see it in this one. Despite their lack of chemistry, it hasn’t stopped Hanna from trying to find a *spark* or a *connection* or even just a *pulse* with her piece of Australian plywood. C’mon Jordan, what will it take to stimulate any signs of life outta your robotic vessel!?

    In a last ditch attempt to save this relationship, Hanna gets all dolled up, puts on a banging hot red dress, and flaunts her sexy stripper heels in front of Jordan. Hello fiancé, I’m here to seduce ya~ If you can’t excite a man with your natural personality or your emotional bond, then surely you can excite him with YOUR LUSCIOUS LEGS. Hope you enjoyed the view, I shaved this morning just for you! 😘

    Hanna looked smoking hot in her v-neck red dress.
    Needless to say, Hanna nailed the whole blonde bombshell look and she was absolutely smoking hot in this get-up. Her hair, her makeup, her dress, her smile, everything about her appearance just came together and worked flawlessly. She was gorgeous stunning perfection, wow, wowee, wowsers! Hanna looked so breathtaking that even the plastic stuffing inside Jordan’s mannequin heart may have miraculously registered a heartbeat! GEDDIT GURL!!!
    Jordan looks bored and comatose as Hanna tries to seduce him.
    Hanna: It’s a hostile takeover.
    Jordan: Of what?
    Hanna: OF YOU. 😉😉😉

    I dunno how anyone can stay calm with such a hot babe straddling your lap, but leave it to Jordan to look bored and comatose during the sexy seduction scene. You’d think he should be kissing his gorgeous fiancée or touching his hands all over her body. Instead, this mannequin would rather have a boring relationship talk with her. Hello, Hanna is riding your dick right now? Can you please stop ruining the moment and act like you’re enjoying it a little?

    Poor Hanna is carrying this scene all by herself, because her on-screen partner isn’t doing or saying anything. As sexy as she looks, it’s kinda hard for her to seduce a piece of the furniture. He’s just sitting there, staring at her, and occasionally a mechanical noise would come out of his mouth if she pulls on his string.

    Hanna: Do you remember the bar where we first met? Well, I wanna go back there and buy you a drink. I wanna go back there and flirt with you and start all over again. Is that something that would interest you?
    Jordan: …………..

    Jordan? It’s your line now! Say something! Oh no, is his battery depleted? Can someone plug him into a power outlet so this android can be reanimated?

    Hanna can't fall in love with Jordan anymore because the bar is gone???
    Hanna brings her mannequin fiancé back to the bar where they first met, hoping to remember what she even saw in him. Oh Jordan, this is where I fell in love with your generic blandness! Unfortunately, the Haleb fans have already taken over the location and demolished the bar in an act of terrorism, so Hanna won’t be able to relive her Jordanna fantasies ever again!

    Hanna: This was important! I needed it to be here right where I left it! I was counting on it! I mean, Jordan, this is where we first met! And now we don’t have a beginning anymore because they tore it down!

    And then Hanna starts FREAKING OUT because she blames the failure of her relationship on a construction site or something? This bar isn’t here so I can’t possibly love you anymore!

    Hanna officially breaks up with Jordan!
    Jordan: We’ll just go somewhere else…?
    Hanna: They’ll just tear that down too! Don’t you get it!? I’m a one-woman demolition derby! I can’t do this to you! *takes off engagement ring* I’m so sorry!

    …lol. What did I just watch? That scene escalated quickly and rather randomly. One moment they were heading to a bar…and then she dumped his ass in the middle of a construction zone. The bitch was improvising on the spot and made up any excuse to call off the engagement. At least Aria had the decency to say *it’s not you, it’s me* instead of *it’s not you, it’s because i’m a one-woman demolition derby*. Only in the perplexing mind of Hanna Marin does her break-up speech make any coherent sense.

    Hanna breaks up with Jordan in a construction site.
    Can we take a moment to reflect this is where Hanna chooses to break up with Jordan? Their romantic relationship ended appropriately in a noisy construction zone, next to the demolition debris, the graffiti, the hot dog vendour, and the wad of gum stuck on his shoe. Geez Hanna, at least take the guy to a nice restaurant around the corner before you go breaking his heart.
    Jordan doesn't have any personality, but he's still a better fit for Hanna than Caleb ever will be..
    IT’S FINALLY OVAH, JORDAN!!! Sadly, the more I get to know his character, the more I understand why Hanna cheated on him and why she broke up with him. Who could marry such a mannequin? There’s just nothing inside that empty shell of a pod body. His personality is completely vacant, his thoughts are an empty blankness, and his overall character is just an indiscernible void. He’s like the template for a generic love interest, except nobody bothered to fill in any details.

    With that said, I still kinda prefer Jordan over Caleb in the battle of the boyfriends. Given her limited options, I was actually rooting for Hanna to end up with her boring fiancé over her scumbag ex-boyfriend. Yes, I’m forced to champion Jordanna because that’s how much I think Caleb Rivers sucks. *lolsosad*

    I am giving you a million dollars for free, Hanna! Take it!

    I just can't picture Lucas and Hanna together in a relationship. He'll be pining after his high school crush until the day he dies.
    Before Hanna and Caleb inevitably get back together, is there a possibility Lucas will sneak in there for a quick rebound? Okay, I know the odds of this little dweeb scoring with a girl is virtually close to zero, but Hanna is single and vulnerable, which means she might lower her standards to around his level. Also, Lucas has LOTS and LOTS of MONEY, which isn’t a prerequisite to romance but it definitely doesn’t hurt your chances~ 💰💰💰

    After seven seasons of pining after his high school crush, it’d be nice for Lucas to finally get the girl, but…I dunno, I just can’t picture it happening for real. Seeing Lucas and Hanna in a relationship would almost be like Pretty Little Liars getting renewed to Season 10. Technically not impossible, but will they be desperate enough to go there?

    Hanna doesn't want to take the free million dollars that Lucas is giving her to start her own business.
    Strangely enough, Hanna is still contemplating whether to accept the $1,000,000 that Lucas offered to kick-start her own fashion business. Here’s this millionaire offering free cash on a platter and this bitch is going like *hmm, i dunno, you’re gonna have to sell me harder on this pitch*. Umm, what is there to think about? Why is she hesitating? Is Hanna holding out because she thinks she can negotiate for two million dollars instead? JUST TAKE THE FREE MONEY AND RUN, GURL!!!

    Hanna: Lucas, why are you doing this for me???

    Lucas’ excuse is that he’s doing charity and that he sees an entrepreneurial spark in Hanna, but deep down we know it’s cuz he got the hots for her. I’m giving you a million dollars simply because of how blonde and how gorgeous you are, why do you question my motives!?

    Lucas is like a human ATM money for Hanna to withdraw cash at any time.
    Hanna: You could be out there building a private spaceship or something.
    Lucas: The private spaceship market is a little overcrowded at the moment.

    Some benefactors donate their money to charities or research facilities or impoverished third-world countries, and others donate their fortune to attractive prostitutes living in their playboy mansions. *lol* You gotta admit Hanna’s arrangement with her sugar daddy is super weird, right? He pays for her living expenses, pays for her fashion hobby, and pays for the two of them just to spend time together. How long before Lucas finally pays her to have sex with him? I bought you a yacht, now bend over for me! ~it’s only a matter of time~

    I see what you did there with your backdoor bragging, Hanna Marin.
    Lucas: Why do you make it so hard for somebody to do something nice for you? Why do you resist it so much?
    Hanna: Lucas, I know you think I’m somebody you’re not. Everyone thinks I’m somebody I’m not. Somebody smarter, braver, sharper. But I’m not.

    I love how this entire conversation consists of Lucas & Hanna doing a lot of backdoor bragging about themselves. Him being all *i’m such a nice guy paying you all this money and not expecting sex in return* and her being all *everyone keeps saying I’m soooo smart and soooo sharp*. Um, a raise of hands, who would actually describe Hanna Marin as ‘smart’? Whoever you are, please stop feeding into her delusions.

    Hanna has to sign a mega contract before she can get her hands on the million dollars.
    WHOA. LOOK AT THAT MEGA CONTRACT. In order to establish her business, Hanna has to go through a monstrous contract containing multiple stickers saying *sign here* and *sign there* and *sign everywhere*. Who knew there would be so much paperwork!? And here I thought Lucas would just hand over the million dollars in a briefcase full of twenty-dollar bills.

    Unless the bitch is signing her life away, why do you need so many signatures anyway? Theory: who else thinks Lucas is trying to confuse Hanna and secretly included a hidden prostitution clause somewhere in the contract? SIGN HERE *VERY* CAREFULLY, HANNA. 😈

    Hanna agrees to become Lucas' business partner, which is just another way of saying that he is now her sugar daddy.
    In the end, Hanna came to her senses when she realized that Lucas is giving her a $1,000,000 shopping budget to spend on whatever shit she likes. You think that designer dress is integral to your business operations? *ka-ching!* You need some new shoes for your next business meeting? *ka-ching!* You ran out of business-related excuses to justify buying those diamond earrings for yourself? *ka-ching!*

    C’mon, this decision was a no-brainer. Even if Hanna blew the entire million dollars on a single Louis Vuitton handbag, you know her sugar daddy (aka. “business partner”) is just gonna shell out another mil to keep his bought whore happy. C’mon girl, sign those papers and hook yourself up to that human ATM machine for life!

    Lucas could not stop looking at Hanna's breasts in that sexy red dress.
    Lucas’ investment is already paying in dividends as soon as Hanna showed up to their meeting with her cleavage spilling out of that tight red dress. Holy bazookas, that million dollars was totally worth it dude! Did you notice how that horny little dweeb couldn’t take his eyes off her chest during their conversation? He was just blatantly gawking at those juicy grapefruits ripe for harvest. Hey Lucas, your business partner’s face is up over here!
    Hanna took off her engagement ring! Get in there, Lucas! There's a chance!
    Hanna also took off her engagement ring and that’s supposed to be very symbolic of her newfound independence, but I assure you Lucas didn’t notice because he’s not looking at her hands right now. He might be looking at her, but he’s not checking out the colour of her nail polish. *lol* Excuse me, can you please take those papers away because you’re kinda blocking the view!

    Mary Drake slays everybody (including unsuspecting babies?)

    Lucas is gleefully relishing the fact that his enemy Alison is locked up in a mental institution.
    One of my favourite throwaway moments in this episode was when Lucas oh-so-casually inquired about Alison’s well-being at the asylum, except the bastard couldn’t help himself and flashed a very judgmental sideeye afterwards.

    Lucas: Sooooo, how is Alison doing? I heard she’s in the hospital. 😏

    Lucas might sound like he’s asking an innocuous question, but his real intent was similar to a gossipy fishwife: *i heard dat bitch was in the nuthouse* *teeheehee* *spill the tea gurl*.

    Oh gee Emily, Alison's life is in danger after you threw her under the bus to A? What a surprise.
    Poor Alison is currently chained up and all drugged out at the human slaughterhouse. ☠ Dr. Rollins has been torturing the bitch, then sedating her, and then torturing her again just because this twisted psycho can’t get enough of the thrill. Keep in mind this was his routine before he blamed Alison for offing Charlotte. God only knows what will be left of his victim after Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde both finished demolishing her. ☠☠☠

    At one point, Alison managed to sneak off and made a phone call in the middle of the night: HELP ME I NEED HEL- only to be cut off by her own horrified screams and strangulation noises. On the other end, Emily remained blissfully oblivious and had the audacity to go like *ali, are you alright?*, even though she just heard her friend getting the life choked outta her. Do we have to play loud chainsaw sounds before she gets the hint that Alison is in grave danger!?

    None of Alison's friends bother to save her life except for Emily.
    Emily spent the first half of the episode droning on and on about Alison’s safety. Scene #1: *omg do u think ali is okay?* Scene #2: *omg is she in danja?* Scene #3: *omg maybe we should save her?* OMFG. Can we please reach the most obvious conclusion more quickly and skip to Scene #100 when the pretty little liars finally GET ALISON THE HELL OUTTA THERE!?!?

    In Emily’s defense, she’s the only one who even made an attempt to save Alison from her impending doom. You’d think the pretty little liars might feel bad for throwing their friend under the bus and try harder to save her, but they’re carrying on with their day-to-day relationship drama like Ali’s life doesn’t matter. In fact, Spencer keeps disparaging Emily from going on a rescue mission. Oh, she’s fine! Oh, don’t worry! Oh, nothing we can do! Spencer’s agenda is very transparent: *KEEP DAT BITCH LOCKED IN THERE FOREVER*

    Spencer thinks Elliott is a shady son of a bitch.
    For obvious reasons, Dr. Rollins refused to open up the psychiatric zoo to the public and won’t permit Alison’s friends to visit. Poor Emily doesn’t get visitation rights even though she’s clearly Alison’s soulmate. 😭 Elliott’s lack of cooperation does strike the liars as suspicious, so Spencer goes in on the shady mofo and attacks him with some well-tuned snark.

    Elliott: I know you’re her friends but I’m her husband and her doctor.
    Spencer: Maybe that’s not the best combination. Meaning we’re not the only ones who need a little objectivity. 😒

    IRL, it would be preposterous for Alison’s evil husband to also serve as her evil doctor, but such laws do not exist in the backwards third-world society of Pretty Little Liars.

    Elliott retaliates back at Spencer with some equally hilarious shade.
    Elliott: Maybe I’m not the most objective person. Perhaps that’s because I’ve spent the best part of five years taking care of Ali and Charlotte. I lack the clarity you have, being gone so long. 😒

    Hilariously enough, Elliott CLAPS BACK with an on-point zinger. She fires a bullet at him, he fires two bullets right back at her. You ain’t the only one who can say snarky shit, Spencer Hastings! In your face, beeyotch! *lol*

    Aria and Spencer continue to snark on each other.
    Naturally, Aria can’t help her inner snarky bitch and also butted in with a sarcastic remark, only for Spencer to turn against her and retaliate back. After which, their conversation just turned into an OPEN-FIRE SNARKFEST.

    Aria: Is that the kind of diplomacy you learned in Washington? 😒😒😒
    Spencer: I’m sorry, Aria, I have a very low tolerance for condescension. 😒😒😒

    Hehehe, look at these bitches go~ Poor Emily was trying to keep the peace and going like “You guys are supposed to be snarking at Elliott, not at each other!”

    Check out Spencer's inspector gadget watch!
    Since you can’t have a snarkfest without inviting the *GOD OF SNARK*, Uber A joined in the festivities too! Let’s check out A’s latest text message on Spencer’s fancy new inspector gadget watch, as you *ooh* and *aah* at the super modern technology on display. Ooh! Aah! We’ve come such a long way since the rotary phones and the grandfather clocks used in Season 1 of Pretty Little Liars.

    “She’s mine now. No take backs. No do-overs.” – A.D.

    The liars realize that since Elliott is Alison’s guardian and he’s the only one allowed to see her, stating *she’s mine now* means he incriminated himself lolpwnt. It’s a surprisingly astute observation, but the girls are so used to making up BS conspiracy theories that they don’t even know when one of their theories turns out to be correct lol.

    Mary Drake is such a bad liar, oh my god.
    The only other person who can visit Alison is the evil aunt, so Emily cozies up to her to gain access. It’s funny because you can tell Mary was clearly caught off-guard by the line of questioning.

    Emily: You’ve been talking to Dr. Rollins, right?
    Emily: And you’ve been satisfied with how he has been taking care of her so far?
    Mary: OH YES. *shrugs* I SUPPOSE. *hand gesture* OVERALL. *nods head* I MEAN, HE’S VERY PROFESSIONAL.

    lol dis lying bitch~ I love how Mary can only lie by blurting out a few disjointed words each time, as if the wheels in her head can’t spin fast enough to generate a full sentence. BAD LIAR… I SUPPOSE… OVERALL…

    Mary described the hardships of her childhood, including being blamed for murdering a baby.
    Now it’s time for Mary Drake to tell us her LIFE STORY. *curtains open* A long, long time ago… On a dark and stormy night… Jessica was babysitting for a neighbour. After she gave the baby a bath and put him to sleep, Mary arrived to take over her sister’s duties. All of a sudden! The lights flickers! The air stiffens! And an ominous wind blows past Mary’s face! Next thing she knows, the baby was dead in a bathtub having drowned to death! OMG! *curtains close*

    Mary: They believed Jessica. Everybody always believed Jessica. She was the warm one.

    According to Mary, she got sent to Radley because everyone sided with her sister and pointed the finger at the evil twin. Interesting story, but I suspect Mary was LYING from the moment she described Jessica as “warm”. Excuse me, that woman was colder than a human iceberg!

    Charlotte's story about almost killing Alison in a bathtub is very similar to Mary's story, no?
    🏆 OMFG! BABYSLAYER FOR THE WIN!!! 🏆 Holy shit, I knew Mary Drake was an evil bitch, but I didn’t know she would be this much of a HARDCORE motherfucker! I guess nobody ever taught her that human babies can’t be used as a cork to stop the bathtub water from overflowing. While Mary could be telling *the truth* and Jessica might be the real *baby slayer* instead, there’s also a possibility that Ms. Drake likes to drown unsuspecting babies in bathtubs for no reason other than to see if it will sink or float.

    We all noticed the eerie similarities between Mary’s and Charlotte’s life stories, right? Maybe the demon spawn lied and borrowed details from her mommy’s story, or maybe the murder gene got inherited and Mary personally taught her child all the best tricks of the trade. Instead of learning this nursery rhyme today, let’s study about gravity! *drops baby in bathtub*

    Andrea Parker is such a good actress and acted the hell out of that scene!
    Oh my goodness, Andrea Parker acted the hell out of that scene and delivered an emotional performance of masterclass calibre. As Mary described the hardships in her childhood, watch as her expression grow slowly consumed by grief… hear as her murmuring voice tremble so delicately… and even her eyelids were fluttering as she tried to fight back her tears. 😭😭😭 Holy shit, can I emphasize how she conveyed her emotions THROUGH HER EYELIDS!? WHEN WILL YOUR FAVES???
    Mary Drake is like a portrait of Mona Lisa, so mysterious and enigmatic and nobody knows what she's thinking.
    Mary Drake is an intriguing character to watch because she has so many different layers. I don’t think we can dismiss her as an all-out baddie since there’s more to this evil bitch than meets the eye. On the surface, she appears to be a scheming villain who relishes in all the *SECRETS AND SCANDALS HEHEHEHE*, but deep down there’s another part of her that feels very sensitive and vulnerable. Or let me put it in another way since I’m feeling hungry, Mary is kinda like a taco: hard shell on the outside, but soft and mushy grounded beef on the inside.

    Overall, Mary’s character exudes an air of mystery and there’s a certain indescribable je ne sais quoi quality to her words and actions. Is she good? Is she evil? What is she thinking about? What exactly does she know? Mary Drake is almost like the modern day Mona Lisa, a secretive yet fabulous diva that us mere mortals will never be able to comprehend.

    Elliott might be TOO evil.

    Alison is trapped in Welby, locked up, chained up, and all drugged up.
    Here’s the part of the episode where we all sigh in unison and express our sympathies for poor Alison. Sorry that your evil husband lobotomized you. Sorry that your shitty friends betrayed you. Sorry that your dad and your brother can’t be arsed to check up on you. It took until this episode before I realize Alison DiLaurentis is truly alone in this world. This pretty little orphan doesn’t have anybody in her life. As demonstrated, bitch can rot away in this mental asylum forever and not a single soul would care. 😭

    …EXCEPT ONE. Fortunately, Emily is on a heroic one-woman mission to rescue Alison from the depths of hell! Okay granted, she’s the one who escorted Ali to the asylum and caused her this much despair in the first place, but who cares about the little details when we are about to witness the power of Emison’s love shining a light on all the darkness! 😘

    Alison is trapped in Welby, locked up, chained up, and all drugged up.
    When Emily saw Alison bound and gagged with bloody scars sprawled all over her body (okay I’m exaggerating, but the real scars are EMOTIONAL 😭), I thought for sure that she’d burst into tears and immediately rush to the bedside to release her friend from captivity. Instead, Emily just furrowed her eyebrows and offered a few meaningless words of condolences. Sorry about your predicament, but here’s a get-well-soon card that I picked up from the gift store!

    Umm wtf, Emily went through all that trouble to see Alison and she won’t even bother rescuing her!? Does this bitch have to walk in on Elliott performing an open-brain surgery on Alison, literally plucking out her brains bit by bit, before Emily realizes what’s happening? This isn’t some sort of optional side quest you can skip to complete the game, YOU GOTTA SAVE HER ASAP!!!

    Alison thought she was talking to her dead mother, but it's really just her evil aunt.
    There was a heartbreaking moment when Alison saw Mary Drake in the flesh and thought it was her momma instead. Guess nobody gave her the memo about the twin twist lulz.

    Alison: Mommy? Why did you leave me? I woke up, and there was dirt all over me and you wouldn’t help! Why did you leave me in the ground?

    What must be going through Alison’s mangled brain right now? Am I in hell? Is that why mommy is here? You’d think Emily and Mary might warn the mentally unstable nutjob before shocking her with a clone version of her dead mother. Um guys, I don’t think she’s in the right mindset for any surprise family reunions right now.

    Why didn't Alison tell Emily that her husband is trying to kill her?
    It didn’t take long before Elliott intervened and put an abrupt end to this family bbq. WTF I DIDN’T AUTHORIZE THIS! GET OUT BEFORE I GAS ALL OF YOU! Poor Alison is left kicking and screaming as Emily makes a frowny face and walks away from her. I dunno how Ali mustered the energy to refrain herself from crying because I’m like an ugly puddle of tears right now. 😭😭😭

    I don’t wanna knock Alison since she’s not in the right frame of mind, but you gotta wonder why she wasted all that time babbling all those words, instead of telling Emily that her husband is an evil son of a bitch trying to kill her. It should be the first item in her agenda: *EXPOSE DAT MOFO*.

    Is Elliott aware that Emily can see how he's threatening Mary's life in his office right now?
    Afterwards, Emily was told to gtfo while Elliott and Mary engaged in a very intense argument inside his office. The two of them thought they were having such a top secret super villain meeting inside their evil lair, except Emily could see their shadows through the glass windows and almost hear their voices because they were shouting everything so loudly. Why not just invite her into the room if you’re gonna broadcast all your dirty laundry so publicly? *lolfail*

    Anyway, this has gotta be the most intense shadow puppet show ever. At one point, you almost expect to see a shadow outline of a knife stabbing into the shadow outline of Mary Drake’s face! I was legit scurred for her life omfg!

    Mary doesn't agree with Elliott's plan to trap and torture Alison.
    Elliott: You being here is not part of the plan!
    Mary: Well, neither is what you’re doing to that girl. You’ve gone too far.
    Elliott: You got what you wanted. The money is yours.
    Mary: Not yet it isn’t!

    During the confrontation, Mary reveals that she’s only INIT4THEMONEY and doesn’t exactly see eye-to-eye with Elliott’s whole psycho killer plan of torturing her bedridden niece. Even though both of them might be partners in crime, it’s important to distinguish that they’re two very distinct types of villains. Mary is more of a *Martha Stewart embezzling money to maintain her business empire* type of evil whereas Elliott is more of a *Hannibal Lecter peeling off human skin to wear as a cape* type of evil.

    Mary: *leans in* Listen to me…
    Elliott: *raises index finger* Don’t.

    The most telling moment about their power dynamic is when Elliott lifted a single index finger and Mary is immediately silenced. You can tell from the creepy gaze in his eyes and the pointed tone in his voice that the mofo is about to snap. He didn’t have to say anything explicitly threatening, but I can already sense the *dark aura* oozing outta his pores. Evil leaked out of him like the electron beams out of a space vortex. His evilness is so intense that you can ~feel it~ harming you even if you can’t ~see it~ with the naked eye.

    Elliott's character might actually be TOO evil and won't last long in a show like Pretty Little Liars.
    In fact, I actually think Dr. Rollins might be too evil for his own good. While it’s fun watching him act like an over-the-top villain, he’s too much of a caricature. This mofo’s actions are so blatantly evil so early on that you know his character has no longevity and his storyline is gonna run out of steam very soon. In a show that burns through villains faster than the garbage incinerator, it’s not looking good for Elliott’s life span. I give him a couple more episodes at most before he meets his maker. 💀

    With that said, I’ve high hopes of seeing this evil motherfucker go down in an epic blaze of glory. When he finally meets his demise, I expect villages to burn, islands to drown, and vicious thunderbolts to come raining from the skies. Elliott might be going down soon, but I’ve a feeling he’ll take all of us down with him! 😈


    1. Am I the only person who wants to see Spencer x Hannah happen just so Caleb will blubber like a baby LOL :D

      • TEAM SPANNA IS THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE *PURE END* TO THIS LOVE TRIANGLE DEBACLE. I will not settle for anything less than a close-up of Caleb’s face streaked with mascara and tears as both Hanna/Spencer walk away from him.

    2. Liam is my hero, and I reallyyyy hope that Aria starts to realize what a creep Ezra is this season. Of course, that will probably never happen because of the insane fans who think that this disgusting teacher/student relationship is #truelove. Our only hope is that this is likely the last season, so fans can’t really threaten to stop watching the show like they did with Ravenswood. But that’s not the only problem- Aria herself is too self absorbed to realize that her ~epic romance~ was a terrible relationship. In this very episode, she said she’d prefer for everyone who died to stay dead if it meant that Ezria still happened. Aria needs to listen to Liam, and get away from that predator before her ruins her whole life!!! Apparently one of the original couples is getting engaged in 7A and married in 7B. And if it’s Ezria, I’m going to be FURIOUS!!

      • KING LIAM <3 I hope Aria sees Ezra for who he ~really~ is, but I think she's too brainwashed and too self-absorbed at this point to come to her senses. And after Ezra openly danced with Aria at her high school prom last season, I kinda lost any hope that there would any repercussions over his actions. :( I'd love to be wrong, but I don't think PLL will ever *go there* with this couple even if it's the last season. Like Liam said, they're too attached to his character and too eager to justify his actions.

        Aria claiming that she'd rather keep Ezria alive and keep everyone else dead is such an ARIA thing to say omglol~ You just keep being you, gurl.

        Oh, and you totes know that Ezria wedding is gonna happen. Have you not received their wedding invitation in the mail yet? I'm fully prepared for PLL's apocalyptic ending and the 7B finale will feature Ezria holding hand-in-hand on their honeymoon as they walk into the sunset.

    3. Liam will always be the best boyfriend simply because of the ship name LIARIA <3

      Hanna's break up with Jordan seriously made me go: " Wait. What?" Not that it was surprising or anything since we know in this show high school sweethearts are true love or some BS, but because her reasoning was so. ridiculous. When she started to scream things like "NOW WE DON'T HAVE A BEGINNING" or they couldn't go elsewhere because "THEY'LL TEAR THAT DOWN TOO," I was dying because this bitch is so crazy!

      Seriously she gets a big F in reasons for a breakup 101

      • LIARIA is the best ship name of all ship names, know that! <3

        I was totally lmfao during Hanna's breakup scene because her reasoning was so random and bizarre as hell. I enjoyed the flashback and the seduction scene, so I was actually invested in the Jordanna romance and thought mayyyybe they'll handle this storyline well...and then it was like BULLSHIT GALORE right afterwards. To top it off, Hanna broke up with Jordan in a noisy construction site next to a hot dog vendour, and I couldn't think of a more appropriate setting to end their romantic relationship. *lol*

    4. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your recap!

      I need to ask, why do the polls have to be so hard this time? “Best Liam shade?” “Which love triangle reject won the biggest prize thanks to the break-up?” Is it even possible to choose?

      Funny note about the “Lucas – Hanna” part, when my brain saw the pictures “I won’t need to have sex with you” and “ATM” under, I thought the “ATM” will be “at this moment”, not the actuall ATM lol.

      To *defend* Ezria, it actually WAS NOT teacher seducing his student. It was quite another story about this creep obsessed with 13 yrs old girl so much he started being even bigger creep by doing the whole “true story book” and stalking bunch of teenagers to find out what happened to her. And of course there is no another way to do it but bang her teenage friend. Then he fell in love with her, “stopped with the investigation” (like anybody believes that), blah blah blah, he got shot (while STALKING THEM AGAIN so everything had to be forgiven, right?

      Can you imagine if Aria actually ended up with Liam? If Hanna ended with Jordan/Lucas/another NOT Caleb? and Spencer ended up with Toby? And Alison and Emily didn’t end up together? It would literally DESTROY THE TWITTER, which could actually be what Marlene’d want. *Crossed fingers and hopes atleast the Aria part was true*

      • THANK YOU! :D :D :D

        It’s the final season of Pretty Little Liars, so no more easy-peasy filler poll questions! You need to think carefully every time you answer these polls because as a wise villain once said: #notakebacks #nodovers

        I updated that particular image to make it a little clearer…although your interpretation works too! *lol* At first, I wanted to draw a doodle of an ATM machine, which ended up looking like a rectangular thing, so I just ended smacking three letters on his forehead~ :D

        I nominate you to write Ezra’s biography please~ <3 Yeah, it'd be too easy to generalize Ezra's actions merely as "teacher seduce student" when in reality his super creepy stalking ways are sooooo much more elaborate and exploitative. *lolcreep*

        Knowing Marlene King, I think it'll be in her style to fulfill *THREE* out of the *FOUR* preordained couples *EZRIA, HALEB, SPOBY, EMISON* but purposely breaks up one of the endgame romances just to troll the fanbase. I will be here eating my popcorn when the Twitter meltdowns happen of course.

    5. PISTA quiza una de nosotros deberia llamar a su madre no creo que madre quiera tener algo mas que ver con wilden es todo no es sobre robos te lo digo yo se gana mucho con una buena compra soy solo yo. eso sono mucho como … Alison ¿ algo va mal ? no. lo sentimos vaya, suenas como una de nuestras amigas espero que sea brillante – ¿ como se llama – Alison Dilaurentis era las amigas de Alison – yo tambien soy cece Spencer la hermana pequeña de melissa hastings – Alison hablo de ti hablo de todas ustedes mucho – ¿ DE QUE CONCONES A ALISON ante de mudarme a L, A. nuestra familias alquilaron casas de verano en el cape may PASAMOS POR UN PAR DE SEMANA INTENSAS juntas

    6. yo sali con su hermana jason – ¿ nunca les menciono mi nombre, chica ? – no . bueno, fue intenso para mi estaba pasando por un mal momento como una muñeca rota ¿ y como que has vuelto a Rosewood escuchen odio tener que correr paro ya llego tarde y mi jefe es muy nervioso y agresivamente sobrio vengan a verme a la nueva boutique al otro de la de la calle y si alguna vez te apatecer hacer algo compre libre – estare feliz por mirar otro lado creo que esta pesando en hanna ella no esta aqui de acuerdo. no fui yo sola, ¿ verdad

    7. es decir, esa chica extrañamete parecida Alison ¿ o era Alison extrañamente parecia a ella ? es decir, una cadera hacia afuera y la cabeza ladeada. mirandote directamente al traves como si supiera todo tus secretos


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