Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 12

Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 12
Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 12
Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 12
In this meaningless filler episode of Pretty Little Liars, we get bored by Aria's neurotic bridal drama, Hanna's stolen fashion drama, Spencer's annoying mama drama, and Emily's school bullying drama. *snooze*
Pretty Little Liars Recaps » Season 7 Episode 12 » These Boots Were Made for Stalking
  • In case you were wondering what was the most filler episode of Pretty Little Liars, this is it!
  • Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 12 Review

    This Pretty Little Liars episode might be THE most filler episode in the history of filler episodes. Consequently, this Pretty Little Liars recap might be THE most filler recap ever.

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    PLL Recap: Pretty Little Liars Season 7 Episode 12

    This episode originally aired on April 25, 2017. The episode recap has 29 comments from the best readers ever.
    Pretty Little Liars isn't ending the show with a bang, but with a streak of useless filler episodes.

    Welcome to another action-packed episode of Pretty Little Liars, where the plot moves so fast that I'm kept at the edge of my seat with every riveting scene!

    Noooo, just kidding. We got a stinking filler episode and absolutely nothing has been happening so far. This might be the slowest and least interesting start to a PLL season ever. I don't get it, are they saving all the big juicy storylines for the last ten minutes in the series finale??? With the show ending in a couple of weeks, you'd think they might kick the story into high gear instead of focusing on Aria's inane bridal drama or Hanna's flop of a fashion career. Season 7B almost feels like I'm watching the TLC channel with way too much time dedicated to weddings, fashion & unwed mothers.

    The only appropriate endgame is an Ezra polygamy.

    I am so bored of this storyline with Aria, Ezra and Nicole. When will it end already?

    If Pretty Little Liars insists on giving us filler, can they at least serve the entertaining kind and not this boring garbage with Ezriacole? TOTAL SNOOZEFEST. 😴😴😴

    Every scene is the same with Aria feeling insecure over her relationship as her friends repeat a thousand times about how much Ezra still loves her. I feel like I'm being tortured with an endless ad nauseam of "Oh, is our wedding still happening?" "Oh, will he pick me over Nicole?" "Oh, shall our true love prevail in the end?" UGHHH FUCK MY LIFE. THIS STORYLINE IS THE WORST. I DON'T WANT IT!!! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!

    Why is Nicole part of such a prominent storyline even though she gets zero screentime in the episodes?

    This storyline might more effective if we actually get to see Nicole, who has zero screentime outside of random photos and news segments. Her character doesn't appear in any of these episodes, but she's only still relevant because Aria can't stop bitching about Ezra's ex-girlfriend all the frigging time. If we put this storyline in a pie chart, it would consist of 1% Nicole and 99% Aria talking mad shit about Nicole.

    It's crazy how much attention this Nicole chick is getting when she only featured in two scenes and then we dedicate two seasons with a high-profile plot revolving around her. I don't even think Nicole's actress remembers about her character on Pretty Little Liars. If somebody tweeted at her right now, her response would be like: "Oh shit, I booked this gig two years ago and haven't filmed any new scenes since then! Why are they still talking about me!?"

    A reporter tells Aria that Ezra's fiancée is presumed dead.

    Aria's insecurities grow worse when there're jackass reporters who show up at her doorstep trolling her with fake news. Here's a random journalist who wanted to get some scoop, but he mixed up a few identities, leading to a hilariously awkward exchange:

    Journalist: I'm running a story: local author reunited with his long lost fiancée.
    Aria: wut.
    Journalist: Well, she was presumed dead!
    Aria: Um, Nicole Gordon was never his fiancée! I am!
    Journalist: Oh, I didn't realize there were two of you?

    I dunno what's more humiliating for Aria, hearing that you were presumed dead... 😶 or hearing that you're one of two presumed fiancées... 😶😶 *lolawks*

    The news article referred to Nicole as Ezra's fiancée. #realnews

    The funniest part is how the news article got published anyway with the first line clearly specifying Ezra's engagement to his honey Nicole. You gotta respect any publication that flat out refuses to acknowledge Aria's truth and won't consider her as Ezra's fiancée. What is this newsletter called? Because I'd like to be a subscriber to their version of reality.

    Aria better sue that publication for misrepresentation! She's the real fiancée, not Nicole!

    The rest of the news article talks about Nicole's time during captivity, a heroic tale of courage and perseverance that Aria's eyes glazed over without absorbing in a single word. You know the bitch didn't read anything beyond the first sentence lol. We have poor Nicole describing in graphic detail about how she was beaten and tortured every single day, yet all Aria could focus on are those pictures of Ezra staring into another woman's eyes. *sobs*

    I caught a spelling mistake in the news article published about Nicole!

    OMG. Did anyone catch the spelling mistake found in this article???

    Article: "Ms. Gordon said in a prepared statement that she was moved from place to place to avoid military forces and that while her captors never told her what their plans were, there were many times she feared for here life."

    I fear for "here life" as much as I fear for that typo. Evidently, this reporter isn't capable of fact checking or spellchecking his news article. PLL didn't think anyone would be obsessed enough to watch the episode frame-by-frame, but Recap Everything is here to point and shame any spelling mistakes that appear on screen for a split second. That extra letter 'e' is as erroneous and unnecessary as Aria is to Ezra and Nicole's romance.

    Hey Aria, Ezra proposed to Nicole first. You're not his only fiancée!

    Holden: What else bugs you? Besides that jackass reporter who didn't do his homework?
    Aria: Where did he even read that!? Did Ezra propose to her first???

    Oh man, it's finally sinking in for Aria that she might be getting Nicole's sloppy seconds. All along, this bitch thought she was so special after receiving the final rose at the rose ceremony, but it turns out Ezra has been giving away engagement rings like they are food samples at the supermarket. In fact, that ring on Aria's finger right now was probably the same one he used to propose to Nicole a few years ago. Just make sure Aria doesn't feel too attached, because Ezra will be asking her to return it when he proposes to his next sidepiece a few years later.

    I'm starting to feel like Ezra never actually proposed to Aria and she made up everything in a psychotic hallucination.

    Aria is upset that Ezra hasn't told Nicole about his engagement. Yeah, it's getting quite troubling that he hasn't mentioned this topic at all. In fact, it's not just troubling, it's SUSPICIOUS. All we've seen is Aria telling everyone she's engaged, as well as planning the wedding by herself, while Ezra hasn't said or done anything... Okay, I've a conspiracy theory. Does anyone sense we're heading towards a The Sixth Sense shock twist where we find out HE NEVER PROPOSED and Aria made up everything in her delusional mind??? 😲

    Think about it. The reason why Ezra never references their engagement is because it didn't actually happen. His proposal scene wasn't real, just a sick fantasy that Aria hallucinated like she did with Ezra kissing Nicole on TV. All along, this was all a deliberate scheme from Aria, who felt so desperate to marry him that she borrowed Hanna's fake engagement ploy and tricked everyone into believing her twisted lies! OMG!!!

    Nicole gets Ezra to visit her in New York, purchases an apartment for him, and her next step is to get herself pregnant.

    Holden: Ezra is still in New York?
    Aria: Yeah, her family found a small apartment for him near the clinic…

    Wow, look at Nicole making her power move! This professional homewrecker uses her siren call to lure Ezra closer towards her, and then purchases a whole frigging apartment to make sure he settles down here forever. You just know the next phase of Nicole's plan is to sleep over at his apartment, use every feminine wile to seduce him, and try to get herself pregnant. Once she got a bun in the oven, this bitch will win the man and then it's game over for Aria. Oh my god, Nicole is soooo close to checkmating Aria in this chess match and there's nothing she can do to stop her!

    Aria is going to intimidate Nicole and threaten her with a knife unless she stays away from Ezra!

    Desperate times call for desperate measures. Sensing her relationship was at risk, Aria paid a special visit to Nicole, just to warn off that homewrecking whore to stay the fuq away from her fiancé. And when I say *warn off*, what I really meant was that Aria will *intimidate* and *threaten* and even *stab dat bitch with a knife* just to get her point across to Nicole.

    Holden: Can I trust you with a knife? 🔪
    Aria: Not that one. It's bigger than me!

    I don't think it was a mere coincidence that Aria and Holden were discussing about which knife to use earlier in the episode. In the literary world, this scene is what we call foreshadowing and Aria was picking out the perfect weapon to use against Nicole in their final showdown! 🔪🔪🔪

    Holden talked Aria out of a violent and fatal confrontation with Nicole.

    Holden: ARIA!!! DON'T DO IT!!!!!

    Holden showed up just in time to talk Aria out of her violent and potentially fatal confrontation with Nicole. I don't think most PLL viewers recognized the grave importance of this scene, but we were moments away from a grisly attack that would've left Nicole with multiple cut wounds on her body gasping for dear life. Thank god Holden used his hostage negotiation skills to stop this deadly domestic attack from happening. Without him, tomorrow's news headlines would've read: *DERANGED WOMAN ARRESTED AFTER BRUTAL MURDER OF ABDUCTION SURVIVOR*

    Holden was there to give Aria reassurance and sooth over her concerns about marrying Ezra.

    Aria: I can't believe you followed me here.
    Holden: I didn't want you to make another mistake. The road to every altar is paved with bad decisions.

    First of all, "I didn't want you to make another mistake" was totally a backhanded insult about Aria choosing to marry Ezra lololol. Second of all, let's talk about Holden. Throughout this episode, you may have noticed him being a good friend to Aria. He listens to her vent about her first-world problems. He gives reassuring advice at the right times. He's basically her marriage counsellor. Aria would've broken up with Ezra fifty times already if it wasn't for Holden showing superhuman patience and soothing over her neurotic BS every single time.

    Holden is only being a good friend to Aria because he wants the thousand of dollars that she'll spend on her wedding.

    If you think Holden's kindness towards Aria comes from him being an 'aw shucks' nice guy, you need a reality check. I'm here to expose this motherfucker and his ulterior motive. Holden doesn't have a personal interest in Aria's issues, but he does have a financial interest in the thousands of dollars that she'll spend on her wedding. This bridezilla will potentially throw her entire life savings to plan her royal wedding spectacular, so Holden knows it's in his best business interests to keep her as a customer and see through Ezria's wedding until the bitter end.

    Aria might view Holden as a cherished friend who's always there during her time of need, but he's only spending time with her because of her coin. Every time Aria confides in Holden about her relationship woes, just know the only sounds he hears are KA-CHING, KA-CHING, and KA-CHING!

    Aria is like a cash cow that Holden will milk for all her worth at the end of the wedding.

    Aria: Do you think I should give the ring back?
    Holden: What!? God no!!!

    That question got a strong reaction out of him, didn't it? As soon as Aria wanted to call off the wedding, Holden panicked about losing his opportunity to milk this cash cow. No, you have to marry him! I don't care if your relationship is morally objectionable as hell, this wedding must go on under any circumstances! I swear to god, Aria, I didn't spend all this time babysitting your ass just so I can't cash in at the end!

    You will never catch the famous dress thief, Jenna Marshall.

    Mona condemns wearing gloves, saying they are only for strippers or junkies or both.

    Honestly, I don't have a lot to say about whatever silly drama there is with Hanna's fashion career. This subplot was a pleasant distraction last episode, but there isn't enough substance to make it a multi-episode story arc near the end of the series. The only good part was Mona acting like she walked out of a Sex and the City movie with her rapid and sassy one-liners.

    Mona: She kept droning on about gloves, but I talked her out of that one. I'm like, Katie, you start covering up your arm and people are going to think you're a stripper. Or a junkie. Or both. Just hit refresh on the spray tan, hun!

    Now we know why the pretty little liars never wear gloves when they're in a crime scene. Apparently, gloves are a big fashion no-no only worn by strippers or junkies or those versatile enough to do both. I use my left glove to work the pole and my right glove to smoke a joint!

    Mona is totally gonna overtake Hanna's business no matter what boundaries treaty they sign.

    One way to make this storyline better is to cut out Hanna's involvement entirely and focus on Mona popping out funny zingers. In fact, just cut out all the scenes with the pretty little liars and turn this episode into an one-hour stand-up comedy special featuring exclusively Mona.

    Hanna: Wait, those aren't from my rack? You went through my closet!?
    Mona: This was before our boundaries treaty, so take a chill pill Donatella!

    The beauty of Mona is that she'll smile and promise she isn't trying to overtake your fashion label, but then she'll go behind your back and make her own executive decisions without consulting you. Hanna should just get used to it though, because Mona is running her business way better than she ever could on her own. *lol facts*

    Hanna doesn't want Katherine wearing the ugliest dress to represent her fashion label.

    Mona basically did all the legwork and procured Hanna's first client, but Hanna was like SOS WE HAVE A FASHION EMERGENCY!!! The problem lies in Katherine having no taste and picking the ugliest dress to wear, but Hanna doesn't feel that piece of rag is a good representative for her work. I mean, I totally understand her concern, that dress is butt ugly. No doubt Hanna's fashion label would be dead from the moment Katherine walked out in that fugly dress, and anybody saying "I'm wearing Hanna Marin!" would be the equivalent of saying "I'm wearing a trash bag!"

    Mona's witty reference about Mona Lisa completely flew over Hanna's head.

    Mona: Han, no masterpiece is ever complete. If someone hadn't pulled Mona Lisa off Da Vinci's easel, he would've given her a perm!
    Hanna: When did you have a perm???

    Mona looked on with stunned silence for a moment, mortified that her sparkling wit completely flew over Hanna's head. Mona Lisa Vanderwaal? I didn't know that was your middle name? Sometimes, Mona is a little too clever for her own good and assumes everybody has the same common knowledge as her, until she realizes Hanna is several hundred steps below her in the intelligence ladder. My advice to Mona is that before you speak, know your audience. If you're talking to somebody like Hanna, let's shelf away those comments about Mona Lisa and stick with the Donatella references instead.

    Mona and Caleb are trying to get Caleb to sell out her designs to make a quick buck.

    Hanna's dress contains a lot of design elements suggested by her old boss Claudia, so that's why she doesn't wanna showcase it as her own work. She's taking an admirable stance to protect her brand, except Mona and Caleb are constantly trying to get her to SELL OUT her designs for the money. This is especially true for Caleb, who doesn't know a damn thing about fashion, but does know that he needs his girlfriend's business to turn a profit so that she can continue supporting him financially. Hanna, your best designs are the ones that can buy me an Xbox One!

    Caleb: If you believe in your talent half as much as I do, you'll see this moment for what it is.

    This moment being the moment that Hanna compromises her creative vision in order to make a quick buck. Her fashion business is already succumbing to corporate greed! 😢

    Is Caleb going to blame everybody but himself for the failure of Haleb's relationship?

    Caleb: Claudia Greco was a dragon. She stole your soul for three years, not to mention our relationship, I mean the least she can give you is a belt.

    This is the second episode in a row that we hear Caleb's theories about why they broke up, and once again he's shifting the blame onto everybody else. He's even trying to pass the buck to a third-party outsider, like what the hell did Claudia do to you guys? I feel like Caleb is in the middle of making his own 13 Reasons Why mixtapes explaining why Haleb 1.0 died. Hanna, this is your tape. Claudia, this is your tape. Who's next, Caleb? Who else is responsible for killing your relationship?

    Mona holds up a purse and asks Hanna whether she wants to lick this.

    Later on, Mona and Hanna are meeting at the bar for another important business meeting. And when I say 'business meeting', what I really mean is that they're marvelling and ogling at all the fashion accessories for Katherine's outfit. Ooh, this necklace is mouthwatering! Ooh, those earrings are droolworthy! Ooh, ooh, ooh!

    Mona: *holds up purse* TELL ME YOU DON'T WANNA LICK THIS!!!

    YES I DO!!! LEMME COVER IT UP WITH ALL MAH SALIVA BABY!!! SLURP SLURP SLURP!!! This is like a fashion banquet and I wanna taste every single piece of accessory! 😋😋😋

    Jenna blatantly stole that dress from Hanna and then wore it in public.

    GASP!!! All of a sudden, Jenna struts in wearing the same dress from Hanna's closet! In a shocking act of corporate espionage, Hanna's precious fashion designs have been LEAKED and STOLEN by none other than the international spy, Jenna Marshall. Not only did she swipe that dress, but she also made sure to walk past Hanna and flaunt her blatant intellectual property theft in front of the original designer. What's the point of stealing your dress if I can't rub it in your face with what I did!?

    Hanna and Mona were outraged by the counterfeit knockoff, immediately confronting Jenna and interrogating her about where she stole the dress. Of course, Jenna was like *teehee, dunno what you're talking about, i embroidered this dress with my own hands!* and then went on her merry way after successfully mindfucking the pretty little liars.

    That is one ugly looking dress Jenna stole from Hanna.

    Good god, that is one ugly looking dress and it's even worse in white. Poor Jenna has to shoulder such horrendous fashion just for the chance to fuck with her enemies. Hey Hanna, can you please stop being such a shit designer so that Jenna can steal better looking dresses from you?

    Mona: Tell me where you got the dress!
    Jenna: Excuse me?
    Mona: THE DRESS. Where did it come from!?

    Didn't Hanna admit she stole these design elements from her old boss? That's probably where it came from. Honestly, she has no right to be upset at Jenna, because you don't get to be angry about somebody stealing your dress when you kinda stole the original design first.

    Caleb hasn't taken a shower in so long that Jenna could smell Hanna's scent off his body.

    Caleb fights his girlfriend's battles and decides to confront Jenna. He was gonna ambush her, but the stench from his body is so strong that she could smell him arriving from a mile away.

    Jenna: Hanna, is that you?
    Caleb: Close. Guess again.
    Jenna: I don't have to. Her smell clings to you.

    Good god, Caleb, this should NOT be happening to you. Nobody should be able to smell your musky body odor. Next time you take a shower, please know that soap is your friend and not your adversary.

    Caleb tries to confront Jenna, but she isn't intimidated by him.

    Jenna: Caleb, I suggest you back off!
    Caleb: Hmm. That's my suggestion.

    During the confrontation, Caleb tells Jenna to stop being such a shady bitch and warns her to stay away from the liars. At one point, he forcefully grabbed her walking cane just to intimidate her! *omg* Of course, a seasoned war veteran like Jenna isn't easily frightened by some smelly punk acting thug in front of her. Back away from me, little prawn, you aren't even in my league.

    Hanna walks into a cage and traps herself yet again.

    Oh yeah, I should also mention the part where A.D. locked up Hanna in a cage or whatever. It was a pretty half-assed effort from A, who didn't really do anything to hurt her, but Hanna stumbled around in the dark so much that she kept knocking into things and ended up injuring herself. *lol klutz*

    And to be honest, she kinda brought it onto herself. Gurl, this has happened to you so many times already, but if you still walk into dark confined spaces without taking any precautions, then you kinda deserve to have that door locked behind you. If you're such a dumb careless bitch after seven seasons of the same old shit, then I have no sympathy left for you.

    I know I tried to kill Spencer, but I am the REAL victim!

    Jenna has recruited two new minions into her blind army.

    It's that time of the season where we meet our newest recruits into The Jenna Army! Welcome to the winning side, newbies! This episode introduces Jenna's two new minions, both nameless and mute, who obediently follow their master everywhere she goes. Since these minions don't usually have long life spans, if we don't see them again in a future episode, just assume they've been sacrificed during battle and new replacements will be arriving shortly.

    For the record, these two minions aren't actually blind. They only wear the sunglasses and carry the walking canes because it's part of the mandatory uniform in The Jenna Army. Queen Jenna must've enforced a dress code this season to ensure all of her subjects are dressed exactly like her royal highness. 👑

    Jenna isn't afraid to walk straight up to the police station after her murder attempt. Respect!

    You must be wondering how Jenna is strutting around so openly in public after shooting Spencer, especially when there're five eyewitnesses who can attest to her assassination attempt. It's like she disappeared for one episode and suddenly this bitch is in the clear again. The closest comparison I can think of is Grand Theft Auto, where Jenna's video game character went into hiding for a little while… until a few minutes have passed, her *wanted level* dropped, and she's off the police radar.

    In fact, Jenna is so baller that she went to see the police on her own free will. The beauty of Jenna is that she can try to kill somebody and then still waltz into a police precinct without breaking a sweat. It's almost as if she thinks nothing really happened. I shot Spencer, no big deal, life goes on.

    Jenna uses her supersensory hearing to listen to Spencer breathe!

    Jenna: I need to tell somebody the truth.
    Marco: Okay, but we're not alone right now, Ms. Marshall…
    Jenna: I know. I can hear her breathe. Hello, Spencer.

    lol wuuuuut. Even though Spencer hasn't spoken a word since Jenna entered the room, her presence was still somehow detected based on the massive soundwaves from her breath!? Keep that noise down, Spencer! Your lungs are making too much of a ruckus! I'm totally here for Jenna's incredible supersensory superpowers that gives her heightened hearings and hypersensitive smell. She can hear sounds that no ordinary ear can pick up! She can smell aromas that no ordinary noses can identify! Holy crap, put a cape on this bitch because her superhero abilities are beyond human comprehension!

    Jenna makes up the biggest lie about how she is Noel's victim.

    Jenna's police confession was the biggest load of crock ever. Her strategy is to deflect all the blame onto Noel and make it seem like he threatened her into becoming his evil accomplice. My…my life was in danger! I…I was his hostage! He…he killed Sara Harvey! Essentially, her story got so convoluted that Jenna was saying horseshit like *Noel used his ventriloquist strings to control every word out of my mouth!*

    Marco: Are you implying he put that gun in your hand?
    Jenna: No, I brought it to protect myself.

    lol @ Jenna being like OH HELL NO am I gonna admit to committing a felony. Nice try, Detective Furey, but you'll never get me to confess to anything but self-preservation!

    Spencer is so fed up with Jenna's bullshit lie to the police.

    Oh man, how much must it chafe Spencer's ass to know that her assassin is standing next to the police, yet there's no way to get her arrested just because the bullet didn't match the gun. Even the justice system is part of The Jenna Army.

    Jenna: Everything I said to you and your friends, Spencer, was for Noel's benefit, I could make it out alive.
    Marco: *restrains Spencer on a leash*

    Jenna should be giving this confession in private, but she deliberately delivered her phony performance in front of Spencer just to provoke the bitch. It was Jenna's special way of taunting her enemy: "Hehe, look at me! I tried to kill you and now I'm gonna get away with it!"

    Jenna somehow managed to get away with her murder attempt without being charged.

    According to Jenna:

    • She was trying to find the secret inheritance money that Charlotte set aside for her eye surgery.
    • Noel was helping her because he needed the money ever since his dad cut him off financially.
    • However, he got greedy and threatened to take her share.
    • She played along with whatever he was plotting because she feared for her life.

    AND THE STORYTELLING AWARD GOES TO JENNA MARSHALL for weaving such an intricate tale of deception and duplicity. Despite failing to address the hundreds of contradictions & inexplicable questions, you gotta respect the bitch for her creativity.

    Jenna can shoot anybody in public and she still wouldn't be convicted of the crime. BOSS.

    Somehow, Jenna managed to get away with her crime, because the police didn't believe a poor defenceless blind girl would be capable of coldblooded murder. She wasn't arrested, she wasn't charged, she wasn't even warned. Just like that, this bitch now gets to casually march around town again, carrying whatever guns, bombs, grenades, assault rifles, missile launchers as she plots her next assassination attempt.

    Jenna: The last time I checked, the only person who can contradict that story was dead. 😎

    At this point, Jenna could whip out a gun and go on the deadliest mass massacre in broad daylight, yet she still wouldn't get into any trouble with law enforcement. Nobody can contradict my story as long as I made sure they're all dead, teehee!

    Spencer Hastings deserves to be an orphan.

    Detective Furey is bringing the gun show to Spencer's house.

    Jenna isn't the only character strutting around with firearm, because Detective Furey is also bringing the gun show to town. *hey hey* His excuse for dressing like this is because he "went on a run", but I think we all know Marco spent over an hour putting together this outfit and prepping in front of the mirror before he showed up at Spencer's doorstep with his sleeveless arms. 💪

    Unfortunately, watching Marco flex his toned biceps might be the only highlight of Spencer's subplot in this episode. The actual storyline is that she enlists his help to find Mama Drake, which didn't yield any results, except for that moment when he revealed there were two other Mary Drakes in the police database. zomg you know what that means, right!? QUADRUPLET TWIST CONFIRMED.

    Spencer was like a broken record bitching at her mom in every single scene.

    Once you take away Marco's biceps, all we're left with is Spencer whining incessantly about her parents. This bitch thinks she came from Game of Thrones complaining about all the deception and betrayal and treachery in her family.

    The most frustrating part is just how annoying she was. Usually when you tell someone you hate them, you say it once and then you never speak to them again, but Spencer was like a broken record bitching ferociously at her mom in every single scene. Her dad was definitely smarter for staying at a disaster relief shelter in these past few episodes until Hurricane Hastings blew over.

    There was a whole lot of ugly floral print fashion in this Pretty Little Liars episode.

    Instead of talking about Spencer's awful attitude, let's talk about her awful clothes cuz gurrrl that shit needs to be clocked. When I first watched the episode, I legit thought she had food stains on her jacket sleeve, until I had a closer look and realized the design was some weird hybrid of floral print and plaid. Talk about two patterns that you should never mix together. Spencer looked like she took a tablecloth from her kitchen and draped it around herself.

    Between Jenna's stolen dress and the monstrosity Spencer cloaked around herself, there was a whole lotta ugly fashion on display. Evidently, this was the episode where PLL offloaded all of the extra shitty floral print clothing from their wardrobe department. It just goes to show that not only are the plots getting worse in these filler episodes, but even the fashion is terrible too.

    Good thing Spencer quit her job so that Mama Hastings doesn't have to be the one to fire her.

    In this episode, Spencer handed in her resignation letter to Senator Hastings because she doesn't wanna work for her mom anymore. I was shocked, not because she quit, but that she even had a job in the first place. This bitch has been the laziest motherfucker coasting on nepotism as an excuse not to do any real work. Any time she was supposedly doing "work" for her mom, it was really just Veronica's employees working hard while Spencer sat on her ass and did nothing.

    Spencer might think she's rebelling against her mom by not working for her, but Veronica is secretly letting out a sigh of relief. The joke is on Spencer when she realizes her so-called job was Mama Hastings taking pity on her daughter's spoiled unemployable ass, and all her paycheques had been coming out of her trust fund.

    Hey Spencer, nobody is stopping you from going back to the orphanage.

    Another important announcement is that the Hastings are selling their house! This is shocking news only because I can't believe they waited so long. After you popped out two bastard babies with your neighbour, I feel like that's a pretty strong incentive to bounce town. Were Peter and Veronica waiting to impregnate a third sister before they left?

    Spencer: Sell it. It's just a house. 😔
    Veronica: No, it's not! It's our home. Your home. 😢
    Spencer: Well, it feels different now... 😔😔😔

    OMFG, this bitch is très annoying. Nobody is stopping you from signing the legal emancipation papers if you're so unsatisfied with your parents. It isn't too late for Spencer to take her sorry ass back to the orphanage if that's where she feels most at home.

    Veronica should just disown her whole family. They don't deserve her.

    Veronica: Spencer, it’s not about walls and a roof and a staircase. It’s about a family that lived here. A family that I tried to hold together in spite of all the lies and lawsuits and crap that life has thrown at us.

    Keeping a family together is too overrated. IMO, Mama Hastings is clearly so much more superior than her husband & daughters that none of them are worthy to be related to her. That’s why I’m rooting for her to go rogue and just sabotage her own family for the lulz. Imagine the glorious chaos if she disowned Spencer, divorced Peter, and then reunited with Melissa only to go behind her back for a saucy hook-up with Wren. Why is Veronica trying so hard to hold her shitty family together when the alternate apocalyptic ending is much, much better!?

    Does Spencer expect her mom to beg her for forgiveness?

    Veronica: My children made even the worst moments bearable. We got through them together not because we had the same blood flowing through our veins, but because we're a family. All I've ever wanted to do is make you feel safe and nurtured and loved. That's what made it a home for me.

    Here I am bawling my eyes out, but Spencer is still a stone cold mofo after hearing the emotional plea. Good god, what more do you want from your mother? Does she have to get down on her knees and beg for your forgiveness? It's so demeaning Veronica has to grovel at her daughter's feet just to convince her that she's a good enough parent. Please, Spencer, oh please forgive me, please don't give me a lump of coal on Mother's Day! 😭

    Ugh, Addison Derringer. Whatever, flop bitch.

    Addison Derringer is the biggest flop bitch in Pretty Little Liars.

    Here comes the part of the recap where we finally talk about THE ADDISON DERRINGER!!! *omg da anticipation* The mysterious name! The smug bitchiness! The stank faces! Where do we even begin to cover the legacy of this epic PLL superstar!?!?

    No, just kidding. Addison is the biggest flop bitch to ever flop in this colossal flop of a show. You'd think she should be an epic character because of her hilariously wonky name, but PLL gave her the A.D. initials to trick viewers into thinking she's interesting and relevant, of which she is neither. It's my fault for having such high hopes, but I thought we were gonna meet a fierce badass bitch and the second coming of Alison DiLaurentis. Instead, we got stuck with a trashy try-hard failing miserably at her pitiful prepubescent existence. Her biggest life accomplishment occurred when her parents named their child Addison Derringer, and then it's all downhill from there.

    Does the world need another Alison DiLaurentis clone out there? Is Addison really a necessary addition?

    THE Addison Derringer was introduced to us as a high school student in the tenth grade. It goes without saying that she's a mean girl, a queen bee, a bitchy bitch, etc. On paper, she's supposed to be *the next generation* of Alison DiLaurentis, except we've seen so many wannabe Ali clones over the years that Addison feels like a watered-down knockoff of the fifty previous knockoffs before her. If Alison was the original Pokemon Red, then CeCe would be Pokemon Gold, Bethany would be Pokemon Ruby, Sara would be Pokemon Diamond, and Addison would be Pokemon Ultra Sailor Moon XY 2 or whatever shit they have out there now.


    1. Thank you, I needed this today!
      The picture of Mona (Lisa) with the perm is cracking me up so hard. You’d think these bitches would prefer to wear gloves and commit a fashion crime where NO ONE can see them anyway over being caught for committing an actual crime because they left their fingerprints. Then again, maybe the fashion police is more vicious than the Rosewood PD?

      • In the PLL world, I’m sure committing a fashion crime is far more severe than committing an actual crime. Like, shooting somebody is no biggie but wearing a pair of gloves GOD FORBID!!!

    2. Ezria relationship drama is a snorefest and everything about that couple is gross and boring at the same time, thanks for your hilarious recaps

      Next time you take a shower, please that soap is your friend and not your adversary” lolololol can’t stop laughing

      Looking forward when you reach to the Addison bitch in your recap

      • My thoughts on Addison as a “human” being are pretty similar to my thoughts on Ezria’s relationship. Just really gross, boring and worthy of our contempt.

      • I’m not sure anything can reach the quotes of boredom Ezria provides us with

      • I’m about to start the Addison portion of the recap. Somebody better warn that bitch because she’s going to get destroyed by me~ ;O ;O ;O

    3. Imagine the glorious chaos if she disowned Spencer, divorced Peter, and then reunited with Melissa only to go behind her back for a saucy hook-up with Wren. Why is Veronica trying so hard to hold her shitty family together when the alternate apocalyptic ending is much, much better!?

      LOLOLOL yes please
      Spencer is an ungrateful bitch

      • FYI, Wrenonica is seriously my #1 PLL ship, ever since that episode where they interacted and had so much sexual chemistry. I’m still holding out hope that they are endgame until the last second of the finale.

      • Sadly, the most interesting storyline this episode is still horrifyingly boring y’know? :*(

    4. I miss your recaps, but totally understand that you have a life! You don’t even need to finish this recap- it was probably the most boring episode of PLL ever. I’m looking forward to you analyzing every single shot of the episode Troian directed :D Oh, and I need to hear your thoughts ariA and the insane pregnancy rape storyline 0_0

      • Thanks for still visiting. I’m not worthy of such a loyal reader, sob sob sob. :*(

        I have a secret confession. I haven’t watched the last four episodes at all, I don’t know a damn thing that has been happening with the show, but I’m going to binge watch today and I’ll start recapping again!

    5. yay!! Queen RE is back!! *opens booze* I was checking the page every day in search for news :____)

    6. I shall check the page everyday then for your return! Looking forward to roll on the floor laughing again :D.
      P.S. this episode does suck, but I think that the rest of the season has been better. There is only three more episodes left and as crazy as this show is…… I cant believe it’s almost over.

    7. So it’s the day of the finale, and I finally got myself caught up on season 7 yesterday!! I’d given up on PLL for a while but last week decided I wanted to be around for the end after the years I’ve invested into it, so now I get to spend the morning catching up on your recaps before the episode airs ❤️❤️
      Hoping the finale brings you back from your latest hiatus ❤️❤️

    8. Omg I’m laughing so hard. Jenna knows how to keep herself from serving time but she’s so inrcredibly arrogant about it

    9. tienes que ver esto, espera ¿ NOEL estuvo alli esa noche ? – asi que todavia estaban juntos – si sique mirando. dios mio ¿ que demonios ha pasado ? mira Hanna, no pudieron ser jenna NOEL ellos entraron dentro – entonces tiene que hablar sido GARRTT. – no puede ser fue arrestado en mi casa a medianoche – ¿ que significa ? eso ? – significa que ninguno de ellos mato a maya

    10. anpesta matar alquien incluso cuando se lo merecen. ¿ esta habiando de wilden ? descubiro que estaba viva wilden nunca iba a dejar que vulevieria y contases tu historia ¿ quien es ? has visto el cuerpo, ¿ verdad ? dime que no podia volver a hacer daño a mi hermana wilden esta muerto lo siento Emily … pero la verdad es que no ! oh, dios mio

    11. me preguntaba si hablar visto a ezra no hermos podido ponenos en contacto con el. no tengo muy claro que tenemos que buscar no tiene sentido. ezra plantando a Aria en el altar. si, o por que se iria de la cuidad sin la maleta. ! Sra fitz ! – no no no soy la Sra fitz – ¿ quien es usted davis david, de paseos en globo davis david – ¿ es usted la Sra fitz – no ezra nos hizo una reserva ayer para el y su mujer para iniciar su luna de miel ¿ ayer cuando ? por la mañana sobre… las diez a traves de la conserje del radley ¿ por que ezra reservaria un paseo en globo si no tenia pesando casarse contigo ? he hackeado todas las cuentas de sus trajetas de credito ezra no ha gastado un centavo desde que le envio el mensajes a Aria no compro gasolina, mi alguilo una habitacion mi compro un bellete el avion ¿ entonces crees que aun sique en rosewood acabo de acceder al sistema de recuperacion de su coche y esta aparecado en el radley voy a enviar un SOS a Spencer yo no lo haria – ¿ por que ? ¿ que pasa ? – ¿ que es eso ? Spencer me dio esto el dia que y vonne y yo nos ibamos de la cuidad y luego me pidio un beso de despidida cosa bastante rara viviendo de Spencer vale toby, lo siento pero ¿ que tiene ver esto con ezra no he mirando el libro hasta hoy no es de ella no se lo de Spencer estoy confundida

    12. ¿ Alison ? hola pense que eras tu no estaba seguro – hola Sr peter hastings ¿ como te va ? ¿ como lo llevas ? – estoy bien gracias eso esta bien me sopernde un poco verte aqui afuera sola no puedo esconderme en mi habitacion para siempre anuque todavia este asustada tengo que salir o sino nunca lo hare si, pero tienes a la policia en casa, ¿ verdad ? asi es. pero conozco esta cuidad mejor que cualquier policia puedo salir, si quiero si, quiza pero bajo estas curinstancias. creo que seria buena idea que te llevase a casa

    13. durante mucho tiempo. yo creia. que eso era todo lo que ella tenia. hanna, ¿ quieres tomar esto prestado ? yo no puedo leer esto. deberias. Herry James entenda a las chicas esto es mas un tipo de libro para Spencer hastings tu eres mas inteligente que Spencer Hastings no lo soy lo eres tu solo pretendes no serlo es otra forma de esconderse ¿ no te he ensenado nada ? no tiene que esconderte de nadie nunca mas. deja que otra personas se escondan de ti para canbiar ¿ hanna ?

    14. – es mona. hola. – Alison atrago a bethany a Rosawood ¿ que ? ¿ por que ? ella sabia del romance. Alison le puso una trampa estaba celosay quiera a bethany muerta Aria. Alison es A y ahora puedo probarlo. – toma tu abrigo – ¿ A donde vamos ? A casa de mona, encontro pruebas. Alison es A
      juego terminado. Alison yo gano. ¿ mama ? – ¿ mona ? ¿ que diablos ? dios mio – ! mona ! – llama al 911 – ! dios mio ! -. ! rapido ! esta investigacion esta abierta pero la hemos caratulado como homicidio auque no encontramos el cuerpo. la cantidad de sangre de encontramos en la casa indicaria que las victima son falales mona Vanderwaal fue asesinada

      firma bethany mato mona asesinada bethany gemela y de courtheny dilaurentis mato mona confiamada bethany es courtheny gemela de Alison dilaurentis
      tumba nombre es bethnay young la hermana de Alison


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