Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Special
It's the filler episode before the five-year time skip! Watch me write two thousand words about the two minutes of new footage in the new Pretty Little Liars special!
This is the Pretty Little Liars special that aired between the Season 6A finale and the Season 6B premiere.
Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode Special Review
OMG! GET HYPED! This week, there was a brand new Pretty Little Liars
episode titled ‘5 Years Forward’ in lieu of the typical Halloween & Christmas special that they air around this time of year. If you didn’t even know there was a new episode, you haven’t missed much. It contained mostly promos, cast interviews, and behind-the-scenes tidbits that nobody other than the most diehard fans would care about. What to expect: “Which brand of lip gloss does Ashley Benson use while filming the show? Watch this #PLL special to find out!”
HOWEVER, I will write about the two brand new exclusive scenes included in this episode! One of which is a classic *Alison vs. Mona* showdown that must be documented online and analyzed thoroughly. I’m like a historian obliged to record every war and battle out there, except I only write about catfights and petty feuds between bitches.
To be honest, I wish we got a *real* PLL episode instead. Imagine if this special contained various scenes of the pretty little liars during the five years before the time skip happened. Let’s see their college years! Let’s see how they got their current jobs! Let’s see how they met their new love interests! But I guess it was easier & cheaper to just shoot an hour-long promo with the actors sitting on a couch and plugging the show incessantly. Ho hum.
The first exclusive scene occurs three months later. Charlotte has been residing in a new nuthouse called Welby State Psychiatric Hospital. I thought she would be detained in a dark and grimy underground prison cell with no windows or natural sunlight, so imagine my surprise when I saw the exterior shot of the building. Fucking A is practically living in the ~*White House*~ with grand balconies and outdoor patios overlooking a luscious green yard. Squint closely and you may even see a jacuzzi at the back too.
Geez louise. How would the poor families of Detective Wilden and Bethany Young react when they discover their children’s murderer is currently living a life of luxurious imprisonment? There might have been a lot of problems with Radley, but at least that place looked like a human hellhole as opposed to this oasis paradise.
Alison and Jason are visiting. Considering that Charlotte had harmed both of her siblings on multiple occasions, it’s a bit surprising how quickly they chose to forgive and forget. Remember when A tried to kill you in an elevator, Jason? SO MISUNDERSTOOD! Remember when A tried to strangle you to death, Alison? SO SYMPATHETIC! It just goes to show that even if you are the worst evildoer in the world, all your sins are absolved as long as you tell a sob story and shed a few tears.
We even get a surprise cameo appearance from Dr. Sullivan, who gives her (un)professional psychiatric assessment: “For more than a decade, Charlotte has been told that she was a bad person. When that’s all a person hears, she begins to believe it. It’s gonna take years to reverse that kind of damage.”
Has anyone considered that Charlotte is constantly told she’s a bad person because she IS a bad person? On a spectrum of good or bad, let’s just say she clearly leans one way more than the other. *lowers voice to a whisper* Oops, hopefully she didn’t hear what I just said about her, or I may have just added 20 more years of irreversible therapeutic treatment for our poor delicate flower Charlotte.
Charlotte looked absolutely chilled as hell, reading a juicy paperback novel and basking in the afternoon sun. I don’t mean to sound like an asshole, but can she ~*suffer*~ a little more please? You can hardly tell whether she’s in an actual psychiatric hospital or if she’s simply enjoying a vacation at a spa retreat. I almost expected to see a handmaiden by her side to accommodate her every need. Would you like a sandwich and a fizzy cold drink to go with your afternoon reading time, ma’am?
I thought it was gonna take years to ~reverse~ all the psychological damage, so it’s kinda strange seeing Charlotte this calm and subdued. I almost expected this crazy bitch to push Alison to the ground, throw the book in her face, and pound her chest while screaming out “A IS BACK, BITCHES!!!” Sadly, this unseen footage must have been cut out on the editing room floor.
Upon seeing her siblings, Charlotte gives each of them an intimate and affectionate hug. Or should I describe it as a ~*romantic embrace*~ instead??? 😉
Sorry for all the inappropriate incest jokes, but I simply cannot visualize any physical intimacy between Jason and Charlotte without sexualizing their interactions together. Once PLL crossed over the incestuous threshold, you just can’t suddenly turn a romantic relationship into a familial one instead. When I saw the two of them hugging, I honestly pictured Jason with a boner after touching his sister and sniffing her hair. 😩
Charlotte hugs her siblings…and that’s pretty much the entire scene! WUT. I thought we were finally gonna get some juicy emotional scenes now that all three DiLaurentis siblings are together! Where are the heartfelt tears!? Where is the sappy drama!? I mean, the entire frigging family reunion lasted less than a minute. Couldn’t they give us a bit more? At least show them playing cards or having a family picnic or making out with each other!
The second exclusive scene happens around four years later. Alison is already working as an English teacher. We see her inside the classroom, flouncing around in a red dress and gushing over Oscar Wilde like some hyperactive fangirl. She also tries to interpret one of his quotes, but you can tell she was just winging it on the spot and bullshitting as badly as possible. lol gurl, lit analysis is NOT your strong point, it isn’t too late to consider another path of employment.
Alison: *bell rings* Alright, think about this over the weekend, because there WILL be an essay about it!
Why of course, Oscar Wilde is exactly the topic that every high school student wants to think about as they head into the weekend. “Cancel our plans immediately!” The football quarterback said to his cheerleader girlfriend, “We need to spend this Saturday and Sunday pondering over all the fascinating Wildean philosophies!”
Can we take a moment and discuss the plausibility of Alison becoming a teacher? I’m still confused how she managed to graduate high school *and* college *and* still had enough time to earn her teaching qualifications in less than five years. Keep in mind that Alison also missed two years of schooling in the past, unless she was secretly doing homework and writing term papers on the side while she went on the run.
Besides, what legitimate school would put dis bitch in charge of educating teenagers? What valuable knowledge does Alison possibly have that she can impart onto these young impressionable minds? Hello class, today’s lesson is on how to lie to the police about a fake abduction! I know Rosewood High set the bar as low as Mr. Fitzpedo, but it’s like they aren’t even trying to have standards with their teaching staff. At the very least, can someone please double check Alison’s college diploma to make sure it isn’t forged or bought online?
The other problem is that Sasha Pieterse is such a young actress. She’s probably the only one in the cast who still looks like an actual teenager, which is a problem because there’s dat awkward moment when half the high school students in her class appear OLDER than their own teacher. *lolwhoops*
WARNING! INTRUDER ALERT! HOSTILE SPOTTED! *aims rifle at Mona* At some point, Mona sneaked into the classroom and sat through an entire lecture without being noticed by Alison or the other students. I guess everyone was so engrossed by Oscar Wilde’s witticisms that not one single person saw a menacing lady entering the room incognito.
Mona was carrying a mysterious ~*gift box*~ in her hands. When I saw this, my first thought was: “HOLY SHEET IT’S A BOMB!!!” Can you blame me for thinking so? The demon imp exuded such an evil aura with her all black attire and that permanent smug smirk on her face. Turns out she brought cupcakes as a peace offering, but at this point I already pulled the fire alarm and instructed everyone to evacuate the school facilities immediately. THIS IS A REAL BOMB THREAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!
It goes without saying that this scene was naturally epic. Every time you see Alison and Mona during a one-on-one confrontation, you’re guaranteed to have BLOODSHED. There was a particular moment when both of them were standing on opposite ends of the classroom, which reminded me of some old western movie right before the two cowboys draw their guns for a wild west showdown. ONLY ONE OF US WILL MAKE IT OUT OF THIS CLASSROOM ALIVE!
Mona and Alison exchanged pleasantries in the form of these hilariously passive aggressive jabs at each other: “So nice to see you still rotting in this dump of a town, Ali! ;D” vs. “Well, it’s the only place I know I’d be safe from encountering you, Mona! ;D” I love how these two bitches always manage to turn saying hello into some sort of ruthless strategic warfare.
Mona: Alison DiLaurentis…never thought you’d be the one to stick around Rosewood.
Alison: After you ran me out of town with a pitchfork, I actually came to like this place.
Mona: And a teacher even!
Alison: Considering my limited high school experience, I have to say I missed it.
You’d think the pair of them would be less catty now that they’re supposed to be mature adult women, but their feud remains as juvenile as ever. In the next time skip fifty years from now, if Alison and Mona hadn’t killed each other by then, I fully expect these two grandmas to continue slinging schoolyard insults over the bridge table inside a retirement home.
At the climax of their confrontation, the two of them were standing inches away from each other with Alison looming over Mona like some giantess. Awwww shittttt, it’s about to get heated! Any moment now, I expect Alison to spit in Mona’s face and headbutt that bitch to the ground!
During their conversation, Alison and Mona inform the viewers what the pretty little liars had been doing during the time skip:
Aria: Apparently, she’s writing fancy short stories and reading them to a crowd of bored onlookers at open mic nights. Yep, this sounds like such a nerdy literary activity that is right up Aria’s alley.
Spencer: She’s at the White House (Rose Garden), stalking the Obama family, and trying to recruit Malia to join the show as the next pretty little liar.
Hanna: According to Mona, she and Hanna went on a spring break vacation to Miami, where the two of them slutted it up at Matt Damon’s (sex) party.
Emily: Poor Em had a rough year. It must be around this time when she discovered her ~*one tru luv*~ Alison is getting hitched with some random dude. Feeling betrayed by that manipulative heartbreaking pseudolesbian temptress, Emily decided the best way to numb her Emison feels is to pack her bags to California, stalk her high school ex-girlfriend, and have lots of dysfunctional rebound sex with Paige. ALISON DITCHED ME FOR A GUY! TAKE ME BACK, PSYCHO PAIGE!!!
Alison ain’t playin’ anymore and demands to know Mona’s real intentions for her visit. Turns out in the past four years, Mona has been DESPERATELY trying to stir shit up and provoke Charlotte into relapsing again. *lol* She’s constantly applying for jobs at the psychiatric hospital just to get face time with her, but Ali is sleeping with one of the doctors there (of course) and made damn sure this psycho bitch doesn’t step one foot near her sister.
Alison: You’re not here to celebrate, you’re here for HER. You applied for a summer job at Welby and as Charlotte’s warden no less. Kind of an interesting choice for a poli sci major. Dr. Rollins didn’t recognize your name on the application but saw you leave, thought you looked familiar. *shrugs and smiles* We blocked your application, hehe!
The fact that Dr. Rollins could recognize her so easily just by looking at the bitch proves that Mona must have tried to infiltrate the asylum multiple times in the past. alol goddamn gurl u r doing the most.
Alison: What do you want!?!?
Mona: Should Charlotte ever get cell phone privileges, what is she gonna post about us!? I’m about to start a career in the public eye! I need to know her intentions!
1.) When Mona says that she needs to know her intentions, that’s basically code for I NEED TO SILENCE THE BITCH WITH POISONOUS CYANIDE!!!
2.) Does anyone find it laughable but also a little scary that Mona is starting a career in *the public eye*? Doing exactly god knows what, but I shudder to think of her working as a satanic cult leader or possibly as an anchor on FOX News. ~*dark times are ahead of us*~
Alison: I’ve spent EVERY DAY with Charlotte for the last four years. She’s changed.
Mona: She was a master at playing the game, even better than me! You may trust her, but I don’t think I ever could. When can I see her!?
Alison: When she gets out, and I know she will. Charlotte has been working VERY hard.
Wow, Charlotte has been working so hard at behaving like a normal person who doesn’t go around threatening and killing people! She deserves a medal of excellence! And here I thought A would get maximum life imprisonment with no chance of parole, but I guess the rules are a little different when you’re screwing the doctor in charge of your sister’s diagnosis.
With their confrontation coming to a stalemate, Mona surrenders and angrily stomps away. This leads to the unintentionally funniest moment when she walks past a poster on the wall with the word IRONY printed in capital letters. *lol touché* Does anyone appreciate the irony of Mona protesting Charlotte’s release from a psychiatric hospital when she herself is walking free at large? Mona should still be locked up in a straightjacket as far as I’m concerned, so maybe she shouldn’t throw stones at glass houses when other psychotic bitches get the same liberties as her.
As soon as Mona is out of earshot, Alison wasted no time spreading gossip and spilling the tea on the phone: “Hey, you’d never guess what that crazy bitch said to me today, hee hee hee!” Naturally, Mona is hiding in the shadows and eavesdropping on every single word. You can take these bitches out of high school, but you can’t take them out of their ridiculous high school drama no matter what age they are. Some things just never change on Pretty Little Liars.
Afterwards, we’re transported into BIZARRO WORLD OF MARLENE KING where she and Sasha talk about the scene they just watched:
Marlene: You’ve become very protective of Charlotte. It’s a beautiful thing. It’s the whole DiLaurentis story, seeing how these sisters have survived. To me, that’s how I think you and Charlotte are alike. You’re both survivors.
Sasha: *nods in agreement* Success stories.
Am I the only one scratching my head at all this!? Survivors of what!? Did Charlotte survive her own psychotic breakdown and murderous impulses!? It’s really bizarre to me that PLL has gone down the sympathetic route with A, depicting her as some kind of tragic victim and barely acknowledging her guilt at all. Talk about whitewashing your evil villain! From the way they spoke of her, you’d almost expect Charlotte to be anointed into sainthood.
That’s pretty much it! I won’t go into detail about the rest of the PLL special. It’s only interesting if you wanna watch the cast members looking bored, stifling yawns, and trying not to roll their eyes as they mindlessly praise the show. At one point, we even caught Troian glancing at her watch and wondering when this shit is gonna be over, which summed up all my feelings about this show. *lololololol*