Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 12

Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 12
Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 12
Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 12
Dear Heavenly Father, let us pray for Aria's compulsory lyin' cheatin' ass, Hanna's inexcusable stupidity, Emily's terminal cancer, and Spencer's baseless murder accusations. Amen.
Pretty Little Liars Recaps » Season 6 Episode 12 » Charlotte's Web
  • This is the episode where Hanna deletes the hotel surveillance footage for NO REASON.
  • Congratulations Aria, you're our new murder suspect this episode!

    Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 12 Review


  • PLL Recap: Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 12

    This episode originally aired on January 19, 2019. The episode recap has 50 comments from the best readers ever.
    Aria Montgomery is lying to everybody and their mothers in this episode.
    Welcome to Aria Montgomery's house of lies.

    Yup, this compulsive lying bitch is at it again! You shan’t be surprised to see Aria lie about everything to everybody, including her friends, her boss, her boyfriend, her other boyfriend, and the police too. After her failed whistleblowing attempt against Alison last episode, it seems like she has given up on being honest and is instead trying to break a world record for telling the MOST UNNECESSARY LIES told in the least believable manner possible. I’ll never understand why Aria insists on lying when she’s so bad at telling dem lies. *lol*

    Aria lies and lies and lies and lies.

    Aria is being ridiculed by her friends just because she has a real job to get back to.
    This episode begins with Aria immediately skipping town, wasting no time as she books the earliest flight back to Boston. Can you blame her for not sticking around this hellhole? Personally, I’d put on my Reeboks and make a mad dash across state borders as soon as the judge ruled that Charlotte was a free woman. Um hello, a serial killer just got released and she lives a block away from you!? Why are you still here!? RUN AWAY, BITCHES! GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE!
    Aria is being ridiculed by her friends just because she has a real job to get back to.
    Emily: Are you sure you should leave tonight?
    Aria: Yeah, I’ve already missed a few days of work.
    Hanna: We all have, Aria. We’re staying.

    Let’s be honest, Aria is the only one concerned about missing work because she’s the only one actually employed in a *real* job. Unlike Hanna and her ambiguous career in the fashion industry doing god knows what exactly. As far as I’m concerned, Hanna’s fashion assistant job and Spencer’s political lobbyist job are almost as nonexistent as Emily’s bartending job in The Salk Institute. In other words, all three bitches are essentially unemployed.

    Hanna calls out Aria for leaving the hotel on the night of Charlotte's murder.
    Aria was just about to peace out and exit stage left when Hanna calls out the bitch in a dramatic one-on-one confrontation! ZOMG ARIA, WE KNOW UR DA KILLA!!! 😠

    Hanna: I didn’t want to say anything in front of the others, but I know that you left the hotel the night Charlotte was killed. *slams hand on piano keys* WHERE. DID. YOU. GO.

    Duh, she left in the middle of the night to hunt down Charlotte! Obviously. Why’re you still asking questions, Hanna!? Just call the cops already if you’re sooooo certain your friend is the killer! How many more innocent people must die before that coldblooded murderer Aria Montgomery is finally brought to justice!?!?

    Hanna is totally accusing Aria of being Charlotte's murderer.
    Although Hanna didn’t say the exact words out loud, it was basically implied that she thought Aria must have killed Charlotte. Why are you in such a hurry to leave town? Is it because of your guilty conscience, hmm? *raises eyebrow* I mean, you don’t interrogate your friend like that unless you totes suspect she’s the murderoo.

    Besides, Aria has a bit of a track record in the past. Even after all these years later, this poor girl can’t seem to shake off the stigma that killing Shana was done in “self-defence”. You knock out one crazy bitch in a black hoodie just that once, and suddenly your friends seem to think you’re capable of going on a killing spree like you’re the next Dexter Morgan. Maybe it’s best if Hanna doesn’t ask any more questions, or else Aria might have no choice but to unleash her dark murderous impulses onto her NEXT victim. 😈

    Aria lied exceptionally poorly to cover up the fact that she was gone from the hotel.
    During the cross-examination, Aria did a shit job at lying and came across as a human disaster like her usual self. *lol*

    Attorney: I got up around 3AM and I saw you leave.

    Attorney: You were gone longer than that. I tried to wait up.

    Attorney: That was Emily, not me. All I’m saying is if you did go somewhere, we should know.

    Aria was hooking up with Ezra all night long on the night of Charlotte's death.
    In case it wasn’t blatantly obvious where Aria was that night, OF COURSE SHE WAS HOOKING UP WITH EZRA ALL NIGHT LONG. #duh #yeahyeah #getitgurl We should’ve known that she wouldn’t leave town without scoring some tail. I wanna feel your stubble on my bush, Ezra! 😘

    Aria: We didn’t see each other the night that Charlotte was killed! You didn’t call me, I didn’t leave the hotel, we didn’t walk or talk or go anywhere. Understood!?

    This bitch is so wrapped up in her intricate web of lies that she forced Ezra to pretend they didn’t have a sordid romantic rendezvous. One must wonder why Aria is covering up their one-night stand. Is it out of fear from getting accused by the police? Is it out of shame for cheating on her boyfriend? Or is it out of some compulsive need to LIE LIE LIE just because Aria gets off on having secret underground romances?

    Aria has a secret office relationship with her new boy toy at work.
    Seriously, what’s the deal with this bitch and all of her covert relationships that can never see the day of light??? After years of hooking up with her high school teacher, maybe Aria is conditioned to think that it can’t be *TRU LUV* if their love isn’t *FORBIDDEN*. It’s like she can’t function erotically unless she’s sneaking off with stolen kisses behind closed doors & making out under cobwebs in dark musky rooms.

    To nobody’s surprise, Aria also has a SEKRIT OFFICE ROMANCE with her co-worker Liam, even though they might be the least discrete couple ever. Here’s a thought, if you don’t wanna expose your relationship at work, maybe try not to engage in PDA right there in the middle of the office??? At least have the decency to crawl underneath a desk or something before the two of you kiss!

    Aria's new boyfriend, Liam, is an adorable literary nerd with glasses. I approve.
    Say hello to Aria’s new work husband, Liam! As you may know, Recap Everything has a soft spot for adorable nerds who bury their noses into books, especially if they can rock a pair of Clark Kent glasses like a boss. That’s why I don’t understand how Aria could cheat on her qtpie boyfriend with Ezra of all people? GURL WUT. No matter how you compare the two of them together, Liam wins over Ezra in every single criteria. Less baggage, less creepiness, and less hobo stubble too!

    Liam also wins at having the most perfectly apt ship name ever: LIARIA. *lmaoooo* His character’s existence has been completely validated now that he provided us with such a glorious nickname for Aria, describing her to a tee. There cannot be a more perfect couple portmanteau in the world unless Ezra literally starts having a three-way relationship with Pedo and Phil.

    Aria's boss Jillian demands Aria to get those pages for Ezra's new book.
    We also meet Aria’s scary new boss, Jillian, a no-nonsense soul-sucking beyotch who does not have time for trifling peasants or put up with their bullshit. When Aria fails to obtain the manuscripts for Ezra’s new book (Ostinato 2: The Sequel), Jillian didn’t hesitate to threaten the useless bitch and issue a couple of formal warnings. GIMME THOSE PAGES NAO OR FACE IMMEDIATE TERMINATION… TERMINATION OF YOUR *LIFE* THAT IS!!! 😠😠😠

    Jillian: You told me you had a relationship with this person!!!
    Aria: E-Ezra Fitz was my high school English teacher…

    lol awks~ I’m guessing Aria lied and didn’t disclose the part of their relationship where Miss Montgomery used to ride Mr. Fitz cowgirl style?

    Aria seems to think she can seduce Ezra into writing his book again.
    Jillian: I thought the teacher angle would help, but perhaps that’s the problem. Maybe Fitz isn’t taking you seriously because you were his student.
    Aria: Jillian, I know this author! I can get through to him better than anyone else!!!

    When Aria says that she can “get through to him”, we all know it means she’s gonna BONE him. This heffa seems to think that she can seduce Ezra as usual and use her sexual prowess to stimulate his creative juices, but I’m not so sure it’s gonna work. Unfortunately, Aria is getting on in her years and she’s no longer that young, fresh, virginal teenager with the massive jailbait appeal. Honey, you’re in your twenties now and you might be too old for Ezra’s type. Maybe he isn’t taking you seriously because you’re actually not his student anymore.

    Ezra's apartment is a complete mess.
    Since the show needs to give Aria a contrived reason to rekindle her relationship with Ezra, she’s back in Rosewood again, pounding on his door, and trying to convince him to work on his book. We get a glimpse into his new apartment, and holy shit it’s like a fucking filthy dump! There’re unwashed dishes, uneaten crumbs, empty beer bottles, two-week-old pizza boxes, a rotting unidentified odour, and possibly a couple of dead sewer rats underneath all the debris. The place looked like a goddamn cockroach’s nest, so Ezra must surely feel right at home living in his natural habitat. 🐀
    Can we stop the lies and stop pretending Ezra is actually a good writer?
    Aria: They loved Ostinato! It made them FEEL things! It’s a really good book, Ezra! And I’m not just saying that to flatter you, it is!

    STOP UR BLATANT LIES, LIARIA!!! This bitch is so desperate to keep her publishing job that she’s shamelessly stroking Ezra’s ego and telling bold-faced lies about his writing abilities. yessss ur such a g8 writer, yessss u made me feel things, yessss gimme ur second book! I know I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but I highly doubt Ostinato has any literary merit beyond being a piece of trashy erotic fanfiction at best. PLL needs to stop pretending Ezra is Shakespeare when we all know he is actually Stephenie Meyer.

    Ezra is jerking off to images of dead corpses and body bags on the Internet.
    Aria gets her hands on a draft of Ezra’s new book as well as his EXTREMELY DISTURBING online search history. OMFG, I had a feeling this sicko was looking at some pretty gruesome shit on the Internet, but he was even more morally depraved than my worst expectations! Someone please explain to me why Ezra keeps a folder with countless images of body bags and dead corpses??? Is this his porn folder??? Does he get a sick erotic thrill every time he jerks off to a picture of a dead female victim??? WTF WTF WTF!!! 😱
    Ezra has an entire folder containing some seriously fucked up images with dead corpses.
    If you thought Ezra was creepy perving on teenage girls, just wait until you see his private stash of necrophilia pictures! There’re some seriously fucked up pix in his porn collection: Victims found.jpg, Signs of struggle.jpg, and one of the images simply states Victims. God knows what that one might consist of… It probably contains Nicole’s discombobulated body limb sticking out from a large pile of bones. 😵😵😵

    What kind of GRUESOME INTERNET FILTH is Ezra viewing and why is this SCUMBAG saving them on his computer!?!?!? Holy shit, I would not click on those Nicole ???.jpg or femicide rising.jpg images if I were you, Aria! Some lemonparties can never be unseen!

    Humanitarian Aid Worker Nicole Johnson Still Missing.
    Even though Ezra is crywanking over pictures of his missing girlfriend, it’s beyond obvious that Nicole’s character is definitely alive. The fact that she’s considered *still missing* instead of *found dead* basically confirms the most predictable plot twist ever. Besides, we all know what happened to the last couple of missing girls on the show: Alison, Mona, Sara Harvey. All running around with nary a scratch.

    Of course, Nicole won’t return until PLL finishes milking every last ounce of trauma & angst from this storyline for all it’s worth. But rest assured that she’s just waiting in the wings, biding her time, and waiting for the perfect opportunity to homewreck Ezria right after they get back together. RIP actually stands for Resurrection In Progress, so see you in a few episodes gurl.

    Nicole's character being alive is the most obvious plot twist in PLL ever.
    I came up with several scenarios to explain how Nicole could come back to life on the show:

    As soon as Ezra and Aria share their first reunion kiss, Nicole comes bursting through those doors and exclaims “NOT SO FAST!!!” Aria’s eyes flare in jealous rage and challenges her rival to a gladiator duel to the death. Both die from severe injuries and Ezra is left as a widow in mourning.

    Nicole’s body is washed up to the shores of a tropical beach, where the island inhabitants nurse her back to health and take her in as one of their own. Nicole spends the past three years weaving baskets in a small peaceful seaside village until she’s finally rescued, but she suffers from terminal amnesia and has no recollections of who Ezra is.

    The new A abducts the pretty little liars in another dollhouse torture chamber, where Nicole shows up in a blonde wig and a yellow dress. After her rescue, Nicole develops Sara Harvey Syndrome and starts working for A’s team in order to torture those liars.

    Wouldn’t it be a shocking twist if Nicole wasn’t kidnapped at all? She’s actually a fugitive on the run after going on a killing spree and murdering her humanitarian friends. She returns to finish off her last victim: EZRA!!!

    Does Emily have CANCER!?!?

    Emily must be TERMINALLY ILL with CANCER!!!
    Ever since this season started, there has been lots of online speculation over Emily’s DARK! UNSPEAKABLE! SECRET! One of the most common theories is that she’s terminally ill with cancer, ebola, zika, and the bird flu too. You’d never be able to tell she’s sick judging from her healthy skin complexion or her full head of hair, but rest assured she’s slowly dying in a battle against dem cancer cells!

    In fact, I’m not sure why Emily is still taking needle injections at the clinic when her time is better spent speaking to an attorney and drafting up a final will. You don’t have much time left on this earth, sweet angel! 😭😭😭

    Emily is broke as hell and can't pay for her parking ticket.
    Poor Emily might not even have enough money to afford chemotherapy. You know you’re a broke bitch when you can’t pay a $6 parking ticket. I love how Emily repeatedly inserted her (maxed out) credit card into the parking machine thingy, even though it rejected her card every single time. Um sweetie, money ain’t gonna be magically inserted into your card no matter how many times you try to jam it into the machine!

    I guess Emily’s mysterious illness must be so terminal that she ain’t bothered to pay off her credit card bills. Who cares about debts if I’m gonna be dead in a couple of weeks, hehehe!

    Sabrina pays for Emily's parking ticket.
    Luckily, Sabrina is part of the Make-A-Wish Foundation and happily pays off the parking ticket for those less fortunate. Emily pretends like she wanna pay Sabrina back, but of course this broke bitch doesn’t have any cash on her either. Why does she even bother carrying around a wallet when there’s nothing of value in there??? *lol*

    As soon as Sabrina’s character shared a random one-on-one scene with Emily, it should be totes obvious that she’s the new lesbian love interest in Season 6B. Like duh. How many of you would pay for a stranger’s parking ticket unless you had an ulterior motive? If it were up to me, I’d be on the phone calling a tow truck to drag Emily’s car away from my precious parking spot. Don’t drive if you can’t afford it, bitch. 😒

    Why are all the blonde lesbians so similar on Pretty Little Liars? Samara, Sara, and Sabrina are all essentially three versions of the same person.
    Samara. Sara. Shana. Sabrina. Does anyone notice a trend? For some strange reason, it seems like all the lesbians in Rosewood have really similar names. Maybe it’s because Emily has a very *specific* type, but it’s kinda weird to only go for girls whose name starts with the letter S. Does Emily think she’s playing Scrabble and can only choose her next girlfriend with the allotted letter blocks? Hooking up with ‘Sabrina’ gives me a Triple Letter Score!

    BTW, don’t be surprised if Emily later goes on a slut binge and starts dating a streak of bottle blondes named Samantha and Sheila and Sophia and Sasha and Serena and Susanna. How will she even keep track of all their names? “Thanks for the one-night stand, Sandra! 😊 …erm, I mean…Sabrina. 🙊”

    Five years later, Sabrina is still working at the same coffee shop. In most workplaces, you’d expect an employee to face immediate termination after dealing drugs to TEENAGERS and POLICE OFFICERS. Instead, this little methhead got promoted for turning the business into a filthy drug ring!

    Emily: Ezra says you manage the place now?
    Sabrina: He put me in charge when he and Nicole went to Colombia. Hell of a way to be promoted!

    Oh wow… Who would’ve thought Sabrina had the MOST2GAIN from Nicole’s disappearance? It’s shady as fuq that she got promoted *after* her manager’s girlfriend dropped off the face of the earth. If I was a detective, this is considered a motive and I’d be looking into Sabrina’s connections with the Colombian mafia. We know what you’re up to, Sara Harvey 2.0! 😠

    Emily doesn't want anybody to know that she's going into cancer rehab.
    Emily: Um, could you not tell anyone you saw me outside the medical centre today?
    Sabrina: I’m not quite sure who I would tell…

    Don’t you dare leak this classified information to anyone, Edward Snowden!!! *shakes fists* Okay, why does Emily think her whereabouts would be relevant info to anybody? Unless she’s some kind of celebrity who cannot be seen checking out of rehab, NO1CURR if you were seen outside the clinic or the postal office or the supermarket. Poor Sabrina looked genuinely confused by the request, as if she was gonna greet every customer with the least interesting piece of gossip ever: “Welcome to The Brew! Did you know Emily got her shots today!? Just thought you should know!”

    Sabrina announces to everybody that she is a cancer survivor.
    And then, there’s dat awkward moment when Sabrina came out of the closet and confessed she used to have da cancers zomg.

    Sabrina: Emily, I had cancer several years ago. I didn’t want people to know. I didn’t want them to think of me as the sick girl with cancer. But I learned the hard way that you need support when you’re going through something like that. I don’t know what I would do without my family, my friends… I don’t wanna make assumptions about what you’re going through, but…

    Emily looked uncomfortable as hell because shit just got too real too fast. Up until now, her only interaction with Sabrina was that they saw each other outside the clinic once, and all of a sudden, this bitch drops the CANCER BOMB on her. Apparently, Sabrina’s cancer support group includes not only her friends & family, but also random strangers that she literally just met off the street. Nice to meet you, I have cancer!

    Sara Harvey and her ICONIC 90-degree head turn.

    Jordan might be the most boring Pretty Little Liars character to date..
    Unfortunately, this is the episode where we meet the useless new love interests all at once, so say hello to Hanna’s new fiancé Jordzzzz…oh, sorry. Excuse me for falling asleep as I introduce the most boring PLL character to date. Let’s try that again. Jordan is engaged to Hanzzzz… Nope, can’t do it. I can’t complete a sentence about whatshisface without falling into a deep comatose slumber. Jordan is simply THAT boring. 😴😴😴
    Hanna's new fiancé Jordan is basically like a lifeless mannequin.
    What is there to say about this empty vacuum of a human being? At most, Jordan is just some privileged white guy coasting on his generic good looks and his blandly inoffensive personality. I know PLL doesn’t want us to get attached to the new love interest in lieu of Haleb’s impending reconciliation, but this character is so utterly devoid of charisma that he fades into the background in every scene. Jordan might as well be a lifeless mannequin, since his only function is to just stand there in nice looking clothes without ever saying or doing anything interesting.
    Mama Marin knows how to hire these strangely sexy bellboys in her hotel, eh?
    The other problem with Jordan is that he’s so goddamn extra and unnecessary. If PLL insisted on trotting out a new love interest for Hanna, they shoulda brought back LUCAS or TRAVIS or HOLBROOK or even WREN (lol ok). At least we were acquainted with those characters and they actually got to build a relationship with Hanna on-screen. Poor Lucas has been waiting six seasons to tap dat ass, only for dis Jordan mofo to come out of nowhere and cut the queue. Excuse me! It’s not your turn yet! Take a number and get in line, buddy!

    Jordan is soooo boring that I can’t even be bothered to write about his scenes. Just imagine him saying a dozen lines of meaningless dialogue in a thick Australian accent, ok we’re done. Instead, let’s focus on this candle, that lamp, and the strangely sexy uniformed bellboy fuelling my kinky hotel fantasies. Hellooooo nurse, pop your champagne cork into my mouf plz. 😍

    Caleb has already moved on from Hanna to Spencer. *strkoking u sexually*
    With such a boring dud of a fiancé, can you blame Hanna for wanting to get back with Caleb? Unfortunately, it seems like Caleb has already moved on from their relationship. More precisely, his hand has already moved onto Spencer’s body as he caresses her in gentle, sensual strokes. *hey hey*

    Ugh u guiseeee, my fangirl feeeeels. Catastrophic 6B finale spoilers notwithstanding, I just remembered how much I was rooting for Spencer and Caleb to get together earlier this season. Look at his hand on her arm! Look at that meaningful gaze exchanged between those two lovelorn sluts! Stop it, I can’t handle all these gushing emoshions in my heart!

    OHNOES! Spencer is being cyberbullied online!
    Apparently, Caleb is now working as the *social media intern* for Veronica’s political campaign. He informs the Hastings about a hateful article published online, implying that Spencer was responsible for Charlotte’s murder. OMG, I’m so outraged by this slanderous journalism! Why are they printing lies!? WE ALL KNOW ARIA IS DA REAL KILLER.

    Spencer: I’m really afraid my mom will lose this election because of me.
    Caleb: Don’t say that! I’ll hack into the voting machines and make sure that she wins.
    Spencer: Caleb!
    Caleb: I’m kidding. Look, they have 400 retweets, I’ll get 4000 good ones by tomorrow morning.

    Did this shitty little article seriously get 400 retweets? I imagine they all came from overzealous Haleb fans, who think they can stop the dreaded love triangle from happening if they put Spencer behind bars. *lol*

    Spencer is so desperate to be accused of murder that she'll invent fake reasons out of thin air.
    Spencer is also freaking out that she could be linked to Charlotte’s murder over some dusty old college paper that she wrote, a notion so absurdly stupid that it’s not even worth mentioning. All I can say is that only a neurotic nerd like Spencer would think an essay she wrote in criminology class has any significance in the real world. I’m sorry, but reality check plz.

    Veronica: We’ll get ahead of this. Caleb already started a narrative about you being bullied on social media. If it comes up, it’ll already be defused. You’re not a liability, Spencer. You’re my daughter.

    I love how Veronica uses the fancy euphemism “starting a narrative” when the reality is just Caleb using a bunch of bots to post fake tweets about Spencer. *lol*

    Can we all agree Sara killed Charlotte and just solve this murder mystery already?
    In an ideal world, we can solve the mystery of Charlotte’s death within one episode and blame Sara Harvey for basically everything. Let’s just all agree that she killed Charlotte, get her arrested, and send this bitch on her merry way off the show forever. No evidence or court hearing necessary. Case closed!

    Lorenzo: Her burns severely limited her ability to use her hands. She couldn’t have done this.
    Alison: You’re taking Sara off the suspect’s list!? I don’t understand!

    I DON’T UNDERSTAND EITHER. WTF JUST ARREST HER ALREADY. We all know this bitch is faking her “hand injury” which will be revealed in a “shock twist” when she’s caught either strangling or diddling Emily in a future episode. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if Sara Harvey grew an extra pair of arms like most of the extraterrestrial mutants in her native species. Reptile insectoids have FOUR arms, not two!

    I guess Lorenzo and Alison are no longer dating after the time skip.
    What I also don’t understand: Lorenzo and Alison’s bizarre relationship five years later. Let’s just ask the question on everybody’s minds: R THEY DOING IT OR NOT???

    Before the time skip, Lorenzo showed up at Alison’s high school prom (lolcreep) because Spencer convinced him to open his heart! and give Lorison a second chance at love! But then, their storyline went nowhere? In this scene, the two of them are keeping it strictly professional and acting as if they never had a sordid love affair together. Um, why did they waste so much time on their grossmance in 6A if they don’t even end up together in 6B? Also, why did Lorenzo only hook up with Alison when she was still in her teens, but now has no romantic interest in her after she matured into a legally adult woman? Oh wait, rhetorical question. *massive sideeye*

    Sara Harvey should get her creepy 90-degree head turn trademarked.
    But wait, let’s go back to Sara Harvey! I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS CREATURE. Ever since the time skip, she has been stalking the pretty little liars and always sulking in the background. The oddest part is that she just stands there, staring at them, never saying anything. God knows why. Funnily enough, Sara doesn’t have a single speaking line in these past two episodes. After the *WILDEN’S DEAHD* debacle, maybe it’s for the best.

    Sara also does the exact same creepy head turn every fucking time. You know the one, it’s that 90-degree mechanical head turn to the side accompanied by a vacant look in her dead eyes. Bitch thinks she’s shooting a centrefold and must strike an over-the-shoulder pose each time. In fact, Sara turns her head around so much that I worry about her neck straining sometimes!

    Sara is even stalking Emily at the graveyard. Damn it, Sara! Just let that girl mourn in peace!
    Oh my god, Sara is such a cweepy stalker that she even followed Emily to the graveyard, even though that poor girl was just trying to mourn over her dead father in peace.

    Sara: oh i c uuuuuu 😈😈😈

    Here’s poor Emily pouring her heart out by her daddy’s gravestone and there’s effing Sara standing literally three feet away with her head turned sideways at a perpendicular angle. One of these days, I expect to see Sara finally do a full freaky 180-degree head turn before that damn thing falls off her neck.

    Emily is crying by her father's gravestone, reflecting what a failure in life she has been.
    Emily: I was in class when mom called the school. Everything we went through in high school. We thought we were done with disasters. The next semester, nothing made sense anymore. If you’re really watching me, I guess you know this already. I flunked two classes and they took my scholarship away. After that, I couldn’t go back there. I flew home next summer and I was ready to tell mom about everything, but she was such a mess. And I couldn’t do it. I know I messed up, but I’m gonna fix it.

    What happened to Emily's storyline for the rest of Season 6B? Man, it started off so well too!
    After her heartbreaking monologue, I thought Emily would go on an epic coming-of-age bildungsroman journey, which will end inspirationally with her character rebuilding her life from scratch. Look at Emily getting her life back on track! Look at her starting a new romance with Sabrina! Look at her overcoming terminal cancer! Emily’s story had so much potential at this point and WE’RE ALL ROOTING FOR YOUR SUCCESS GURL!!!

    LOL how wrong was I? Sadly, this scene might be the last time Emily has any semblance of a sane subplot on the show before her storyline veers off to cuckoo land for the rest of the season. See that gravestone over there? The epigraph actually says RIP Emily’s 6B storyline and I mourn it every single day. I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised by PLL’s standard of quality as of late, but sometimes I still get my hopes up only to be let down again and again. *sighs*

    Alison has an awkward murder mystery dinner party.

    Alison already pinned the murder onto Aria and is trying to get the rest of her friends to agree.
    After Aria took a defiant stand against the DiLaurentis sisters last episode, you can bet that her ass is permanently on Alison’s shit list. Luckily, she skipped town and checked into the witness protection program just in time before the Alibeast unleashed her fury in all its unholy glory.

    Alison: Aria left town quickly. 😒
    Spencer: She had to go back to work…
    Alison: She was still angry with Charlotte. 😒
    Spencer: She wasn’t angry. She was scared. And she said everything she needed to say up on that stand.

    Look at Alison blatantly trying to start shit and manipulate her friends into throwing Aria under the bus, omglol. Her intent was so obvious. Just agree with me, Spencer! Just take the bait and say that you think Aria killed my sister!

    Alison accuses Aria of murdering her sister only because she wants to get back at her for what she said in court last episode.
    Alison: I saw her dad this morning. He said that she left town one day earlier than planned.

    1.) Okay, why doesn’t Alison just come out and outright say *I THINK ARIA KILLED MAH SISTA* instead of going around in circles with her less than subtle shade? If you’re gonna call out a bitch, you gotta own it sis.

    2.) Please keep in mind that Alison’s accusations are completely baseless. At least Hanna had circumstantial proof that vaguely implicated her friend. Alison is only pinning this murder on Aria because she wants to get back at her minion for what she said in court last episode. Payback’s a bitch, bitch! This is a hilariously petty bitch move which is totally in line with Alison’s character, so of course I’m ~LOVING~ every moment of it. *lol*

    Aria is just blocking all of Alison's phone calls like she don't cayurr.
    Alison: *calling Aria on the phone*

    Aria isn’t doing herself any favours by cutting off communication with Alison and declining all of her phone calls. She didn’t even bother to send a *sorry for your loss* e-card after her friend’s sister died, which was kinda rude. Naturally, this radio silence only sends Alison into a further tailspin, because if there’s one thing a self-centered narcissist hates more than anything in this world, it’s the feeling of being ignored. Let’s see you block more of my phone calls after I go to the police and accuse you of murdering Charlotte! Do I have your attention now, Aria!?

    Aria also isn't answering any phone calls from her own boyfriend Liam.
    If there’s any consolation, Alison shouldn’t take any serious offense considering Aria did the exact same thing to her own boyfriend later in the episode. Poor Liam was just calling to check wassup, but Aria was apparently 2BUSY wanking over Ezra shite or whatever, so she was like *block caller* and went straight back to masturbating some more. Um, does Aria know that the other person can tell when she isn’t answering their phone calls? WHAT A RUDE BITCH.
    Alison overreacted because Spencer dared to touch her sister's delicate flowers!
    Alison manages to find enough time in her day to frame Aria for murder, grieve over her sister’s death, wear a loud equestrian print shirt, and still host a fancy dinner party with her friends. Aria was banned and blacklisted, of course. I doubt the other liars wanted to attend this party either, but Alison guilt tripped them with the whole *poor grieving widow in big lonely house* shtick.

    Before the dinner party started, it was already awkward as hell when Ali freaked the fuck out because Spencer dared to move the flower vase away from the dining table. WUTDAFUQ ARE YOU DOING!!! THOSE WERE CHARLOTTE’S FLOWERS!!! PUT THEM BACK OR DIE!!! From the way she was overreacting, you’d think Spencer was mishandling her sister’s ashes or something, but no they were just shitty flowers. 😑 Afterwards, the three liars all exchanged a look with each other, acknowledging this is gonna be a lonnnnnng night. *sighs* 😑

    Caleb and Jordan finally meet for the first time, much to Hanna's chagrin.
    OMG DRAMMMMA. Lemme grab a bowl of popcorn because Caleb and Jordan are finally meeting for the first time. By the end of this dinner party, don’t be surprised if one of them is sprawled out on the floor unconscious, while the other man raises his arm in victory and is declared the champion of the cage match.

    Sadly, Hanna’s mannequin fiancé was on his best behaviour and acted like the perfect gentleman. He was friendly, gracious, and even joked around with Caleb like they were old chums down at the country club. “Hanna told me so much about you! Do you wanna grab coffee together some time? Let’s exchange numbers!” Okay, what the fuck is this diplomatic comradery? Where’s the conflict, bro!? MY POPCORN IS GOING COLD. 😴

    There is a strong possibility that Hanna's fiancé Jordan might actually be an android.
    Ugh, leave it to Jordan to squander the potential drama from a juicy love triangle. It’s weird how this guy is so chilled over meeting the ex and seems to have no qualms about being somebody’s sloppy seconds. Why isn’t he jealous? Why isn’t he angry? Why isn’t he clawing Caleb’s eyes out? WE WANNA SEE A CATFIGHT!

    SIDE THEORY: Has anybody considered that Jordan might actually be an empty human vessel controlled by computer artificial intelligence? Think about it. This would explain why he behaves like such a frigging android all the time. It would also explain why he is completely devoid of emotion and any personality. In fact, can someone check inside him just to make sure Jordan isn’t comprised of mechanical parts? Is he robot or is he human, plz confirm?

    When will all of the love triangles on Pretty Little Liars finally start to get interesting?
    OMG DRAMMMMA. Lemme heat up that popcorn bowl again because there’s also a love rivalry between Hanna and Spencer, who have commenced their fight over the coveted golden sausage of Caleb Rivers. By the end of this dinner party, I fully expect to see both of them down on all fours, circling each other like vicious vultures with their fangs sharpened and their claws outstretched.

    Unfortunately, neither Hanna nor Spencer will admit they have feelings for Caleb, even though their thirst is soooo blatantly obvious. Yet, they still pussyfoot around him with their many fleeting glances and forlorn sighs. As if to say: “Oh Caleb, I love you so much, but my predicament is that I can’t tell you how I feel or else Pretty Little Liars won’t have enough manufactured drama to fill up the rest of the season!”

    Spencer and Caleb had a romantic meeting at a train station taken straight out of some Hollywood movie.
    Is everyone on board the Spaleb train yet? I’m not just speaking metaphorically, it turns out there’s an *actual* train that explains how their relationship got started.

    Spencer: We ran into each other in Madrid. It was crazy, it was a total fluke. I was just finishing my year abroad and he was backpacking through Europe. I was about to get on the train to Salamanca and I heard my name. I looked up and he was just standing there on the opposite platform.

    Doesn’t their chance encounter sound like something taken from a Hollywood movie? Our heroine arrives at the train station only to see the love of her life standing there on the opposite platform! And this is the part where they cue the background music! Needless to say, I’m a total sucker for this type of serendipitous love story. ZOMG FATE BROUGHT SPALEB TOGETHER U GUISE! THEY MUST BE SOULMATES!!!

    Caleb and Spencer enjoyed their One Night in Madrid. What happened in Madrid stays in Madrid.
    There was a very cute moment when Spencer and Caleb start reminiscing about their eurotrip, where they share all these cute analogies about their One Night in Madrid. They went to a bullfight! Caleb comforted Spencer when she cried! And then they saw a beautiful sunrise together! These #spaleb moments sound very romantic…if we got to see any of it take place on screen. Seriously, just give us one flashback even if it’s shot in front of a shoddy green screen.

    Caleb: That was my best night in Europe.
    Spencer: Mine too. Hands down.

    I think Spencer meant to say “hands down your pants” which would explain why Caleb described it as his best experience in Europe. *teeheehee*

    Hanna and Caleb are alone together in a dark supply closet...NOW KISS.
    Meanwhile, Hanna continues the pointless charade and pretends like she has moved on from her ex, yet here she is sneaking off into dark supply closets with Caleb for seven minutes of heaven. As they reminisce about old times, he glances at her, whilst she smiles coyly at him. Just make out and make love already, you fools!

    Hanna: *batting eyelashes at Caleb* When you left for Europe, I wanted to focus on my career. I wasn’t looking for another relationship.

    LOLWUT @ “focus on my career”. In her head, Hanna thinks she’s some career-driven independent woman who don’t need no man in her life. 😎 In reality, she’s still interning at her so-called career after five years of work and mooning over two different guys like a lovesick little girl. 😍

    Hanna has to hold hands with both Jordan and Caleb at the dinner table, hehehe.
    Hanna and Caleb might not have kissed in this episode, but at least they got to hold hands at Alison’s prayer circle around the dinner table. *let us pray for haleb* I know hand-holding is only considered scandalous if you’re in an elementary school playground, but who else giggled when Hanna was forced to hold hands with both her lovers at the same time? lol gurl don’t lie, you wouldn’t be watching PLL if you didn’t secretly love this type of juvenile schoolyard drama too~
    Alison prays for God to strike down her shady ass friends.
    LET’S SAY GRACE. Okay, was there anything more majestic than the moment when Alison prayed to God and used this opportunity to throw down the fucking shade?

    Alison: Thank you Heavenly Father for this healing food and these dear friends. And thank you to all those who are working tirelessly to seek justice for Charlotte. And thank you for helping the police find Charlotte’s killer and anyone who could be protecting him. *DRAMATIC PAUSE* Or her. Amen.

    💣💣 SHOTS FIRED, BITCHES. 💣💣 Alison didn’t just say a prayer, she gave out a fucking mafia boss threat right there. Hey God, thanks for the food and thanks for eternally condemning the sinners who may or may not be seated at this table right now. AMEN.

    Alison glares straight at Hanna after she prayed for God to catch Charlotte's killer.
    Alison’s bitchery was so masterful that I almost shed a tear. 😂 What could be better than a bitchy prayer with passive aggressive undertones and thinly veiled murder accusations against your dearest friends? The best part was when Alison sat there stirring the wine in her glass and staring intensely at Hanna after her righteous prayer. Hanna is being judged sooooo hard right now that it hurts holylol~

    DO NOT delete the surveillance tape, you dummy!

    The pretty little liars check the surveillance footage that shows Aria leaving the hotel with Ezra on the night of Charlotte's murder..
    It didn’t take long before Hanna threw her friend under the bus and revealed how Aria left the hotel in the middle of the night to bash Charlotte’s brains out. The pretty little liars hack into the hotel’s surveillance system to grab the receipts. Admittedly, the video footage doesn’t look good for Aria who left the hotel at 3:12AM and returned at 4:28AM, considering Charlotte’s time of death happened around 4AM. She didn’t even have a good alibi to explain her nearly 90-minute absence. “Oh, I was just grabbin’ sumthin’ from my car…” *lol worst lie ever*
    There is surveillance footage documenting Aria's late night sexual rendezvous with Ezra.
    The truth is that Aria didn’t actually kill Charlotte, but she did pick the wrong time to have an affair with Ezra that night. There was video footage of her coming onto him, placing her hand on his chest, and rubbing those nipples until they turned hard. Good god, can these two scoundrels have some decency please and keep their perverse activities away from the cameras!? Kinda serves her right if Aria comes under police suspicion because that footage is surely IMMORAL and CRIMINAL.
    The pretty little liars interrogate Aria and suspect her for murdering Charlotte.
    After watching the security tapes, the other liars storm Aria’s house and confront their friend in order to get a killer’s confession out of her.

    Emily: We know you saw Ezra the night Charlotte died!
    Hanna: We know you left the hotel for more than five minutes!
    Spencer: Yeah, and by the time you came back, Charlotte was already dead!

    LEAVE ARIA ALONE! Seriously, what’s the deal with these three bitches? Is it wrong to say that I don’t quite understand their moral outrage? You’d think they might be more thankful that Aria did them a favour and murdered their common enemy. You’re welcome. Who cares if you find out your friend is the real killer? Personally, I would’ve just congratulated her for a job well done!

    The Ezria drama in this episode was basically much ado about nothing.
    Aria finally stops lying and tells her friends what happened that night. Considering she went through painstaking measures to hide her midnight rendezvous with Ezra, I was expecting her affair to be très risqué and totally scandalous! I’m sad to report that absolutely nothing happened between them. As usual, the Ezria drama was blown out of proportion and we waste too much unnecessary time fussing over this godawful couple. 😴

    In a flashback, we see Aria acting like a drunken floozy as she throws herself at her old boyfriend. Being the predatory sleaze that he is, Ezra has no problems exploiting a drunk girl and invites her to his café so he could have his way with her. We all know he didn’t come to meet Aria in a hotel at 3AM just to *talk*, so let’s find the nearest bed and be done with it.

    Aria and Ezra see Charlotte walking around suspiciously in the middle of the night.
    This is just a typical Ezria scene that we’ve seen many, many times before, except they do stumble upon Charlotte strolling around the neighbourhood in the middle of the night.

    Ezra: I think that’s Charlotte…

    Aria is literally so frightened of Charlotte that her first instinct is to call the police just because she saw the bitch crossing the street. *lol* Not that I blame Aria for being terrified. It’s extremely alarming that a dangerous criminal can be released in the same vicinity as her victims without any surveillance. The only way Charlotte’s release could be considered safe is if she had a restraining order of a million mile radius keeping her away from the planet earth.

    Ezra suddenly has some kind of random vendetta against Charlotte.
    Aria: She’s free and she’s already lurking around in the shadows! Why the hell is she not home with Ali!?
    Ezra: Because that’s the kind of world we live in. People like Nicole disappear and Charlotte gets to walk free.

    Ezra’s vendetta against Charlotte seemed to come out of nowhere, partly because he’s such a poorly developed character, but mostly because it’s a ham-fisted attempt to make him a suspect in the murder investigation. I’m sorry, but I don’t buy this storyline whatsoever. Are we supposed to believe Ezra suddenly became a social justice vigilante overnight? Did he take a break from crying about his dead girlfriend to bump off a violent criminal? Would he even be able to take on Charlotte in a fight without pissing his pants?

    Ezra suddenly has some kind of random vendetta against Charlotte.
    Look, I would love it if Ezra was the real killer and/or the new uber A this season. Imagine the hilarious hijinks if he and Aria were the modern day Bonnie & Clyde duo that goes on a killing spree around town. I would instantly forgive all six years of tepid Ezria drama if that scenario were to happen.

    Unfortunately, I don’t think the showrunners are willing to put their beloved Ezra in an antagonistic role. If Pretty Little Liars didn’t have the balls to turn him into an evil villain back in Season 4, they ain’t gonna do it now. Let’s face it, his character has been irrelevant to the plot for the past few seasons and he’ll never be at the helm of an interesting central storyline. He might still be a useless loser and a pathetic pervert, but the days of EVIL EZRA are long gone behind us.

    Aria knows Ezra so well that she can tell exactly when he is lying to her!
    Aria seems to think Ezra is the killer because she *KNOWS* the core of his true character and she *KNOWS* when he is lying to her face! This leads to the unintentionally funniest quote of the episode, spoken by Aria without any traces of irony or self-awareness:

    Aria: I know him! I know that Ezra can’t look me in the eye when he lies! When he told me he went home that night, he didn’t look at me!!!

    Oh yes, Aria knew Ezra sooooo well that she can tell when he’s lying to her based on a single look. Is that why he only managed to trick her for two years when he used and exploited their relationship to write an exposé about Alison? Also: Ezra must have killed Charlotte because he didn’t glance at Aria during a conversation, somebody please explain that logic to me.

    Why does Spencer think her college essay is even relevant to the plot? NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR ESSAY.
    Spencer seems to think Ezra is the killer because…he read her criminology essay once? *lolwut* For some inexplicable reason, this bitch is utterly convinced that her shitty college essay played an integral role in Charlotte’s murder. I know that makes no sense whatsoever, but Spencer’s baseless murder accusations have become so absurd that they’re almost at the level of self-parody. ZOMG MY BRILLIANT RESEARCH PAPER MUST HAVE TRIGGERED EZRA’S DARK MURDEROUS IMPULSES!!! ARREST HIM RITE NAO!!!
    Hanna deletes the only piece of evidence that would have cleared her name when the police try to charge her for murder. Good job, Hanna!
    At the end of the episode, Hanna comes up with a brilliant idea to delete all the security footage so the police won’t see how Aria left the hotel around the time of Charlotte’s murder. What a genius plan! Except for the part where Hanna might’ve deleted the only evidence that proves the other girls were present at the hotel when the victim got killed. But hey, who needs a time-stamped alibi when the police try to charge you and your friends of murder?

    Also, I wonder what the police will think when they notice there’s conspicuously missing footage in the security system. Aria’s absence could have been explained as an unlucky coincidence, but once the police retrieve the back-up footage and see what happened, they’ll surely know that she has something to hide. You got all your bases covered, Hanna! It’s lose-lose for everyone! 😉

    Oh sure, go ahead and delete all the security footage! Ugh. Why is Hanna Marin so goddamn stupid?
    I know a season of Pretty Little Liars can’t go by without Hanna fucking up so spectacularly in the most idiotic way possible, but deleting the tapes has gotta be one of the top five dumbest mistakes in her life. You’d think this bitch might learn by now that every time she tries to fix a situation, she only makes it even worse. Thus is the Hanna Marin conundrum; you look at her and you wonder how such a gorgeous woman can be so fricking stupid.

    If it wasn’t bad enough that she’ll get falsely accused of murder, now she can add tampering with evidence to her list of crimes too. Great job as usual, Hanna! Your beautiful mind never ceases to amaze me! *slow claps*


      • Hehe~ I’m still a bit behind schedule than I’d like though. Ideally, I’d like to finish the recap before the new episode airs, that’s what I’m aiming for. :\

        BTW, I was completely DUMBSTRUCK by all the ridiculousness in the newest episode. It’s a perfect episode made for Recap Everything and I will have a lot to say about it. Be warned~~~

      • That episode was made for your recaps! I can’t wait until you talk about how Ezra “likes small women,” and “NOW! GET OUT!”

      • That episode had a little bit of everything: Melissa lulz, Lucas lulz, Ezra lulz, Sara lulz, and that SAVAGE Spaleb makeout scene in the end of the episode omgggg. I think it might be a legit A+ episode for me even though a lot of regular fans probably didn’t enjoy it as much, haha.

      • this is so Awesome to the whole thing of pretty little liars about everything to the recaps.A

    1. You’re still doing pretty well, we’re enjoying the regular updates :)
      “A perfect episode made for Recap Everything” I already cannot wait!

      • Thank you so much! Every comment restores my depleting ~*health bar*~ by a little bit. :D

    2. *dead* I honestly tend not to care about the relationship aspect of the show, so I never even thought of what the pairing of Liam/Aria would be called. But I must admit when read LIARIA just now; I laughed until I cried a bit. Thank you! :P

      • I don’t care about the relationships either, but I am obsessed with their ship names. LIARIA is without a doubt a top five ship name. It is perfect in every way. <3

    3. I think the writers realised that they fucked up with the 6A finale, so now they’re trying desperately to patch things up in 6B. “Oh this was all an elaborate storyline planned from the very beginning. We knew endgame A wasn’t going to be Cece since 2008 ohohohoho.”

      Sure thing Marlene.

      Can Marion Cavanaugh and I switch places?

      • I love how PLL is doing massive damage control in 6B without outright admitting that they totally fucked up the 6A finale. To the fans: “It was our master plan all along ;) ;) ;)” Internally: “ohshittheyhatedit!!! whatdowedo!?!?” It kinda sucks they botched up Cece’s character through the finale fiasco since I think she would have made a good Endgame Red Coat, but oh well~

      • It should be all four scenarios happening at once!!! Nicole could be a fugitive on the run with amnesia working for A to home wreck Ezria ZOMG.

    4. LOL Hanna would make a better cop than Toby, babe. And look better doing it, too.
      I am dying to hear your opinion on Spaleb, so please continue when you can!

      • They can pick any civilian off the streets and this rando would still be a better cop than Toby lolz~

        These amazing SPALEB scenes are seriously the highlight of Season 6B so far zomg. There was one in particular that made me feel like I was watching SOFTCORE PORN lololololol.

      • I continue to be amazed and also very grateful that my long-term readers are still sticking around for my updates. u guise r so g8~~~ <3

    5. If you’re bored with recapping this episode, please come back and recap the more interesting ones! Especially 6×16, because the epic Mona/Caleb confrontation has me shipping #Maleb <3 and PLL ~went there~ and had new A destroy a freezer of eggs :o

    6. Come back! Can’t wait for your opinion on poor Emily… does A have a whole new army of evil underlings from those eggs now? Just add sperm and stir! ;)

    7. Damnit, RE! I thought we agreed you’re not allowed to have a life outside of this website! Now we’re almost at the finale and you’re still at this episode!! :@

      LOL jk, we miss you so much, pls come back ;_;

      • I dunno what happened! I was doing so well with the regular updates and then I fell off the wagon again. Why is it March already??? >_<

    8. Please, RE, come back, we neeed you!

      These episodes are such and bore fest and we need your improved version of PLL right now lol.

      Please, just let us know you’re okay :)

      Btw – you should add Sara Harvey Pokemon. You know, cause she’s sooo important :).

      • I’m OK! To be honest, I haven’t watched the last two episodes yet – so I’m still at the point where Alison got high and just asked Aria to ordain their marriage lolwut~ :D I’m itching to get back to recapping again, so I’m gonna try to do the finale recap first!!!

    9. RE! RE! RE!

      Okay this is SERIOUS! We have an EPIC EPIC episode next week, we need you to come back so you can recap Hush Hush Sweet Liars! Please!!!!

      • I will TRY! I wanna at least finish this recap over the weekend and then focus all my energy into the finale recap. And then I can work on the rest of the recaps in the offseason like I did with 6A!

    10. pppppppllllllllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeeeeeeee. We need the bitchy comments and drab or fab fashion comments to make it through every depressing day.

      For the love of humanity, please come back.

      • *on the brink of your last hope, a mysterious shadowy figure appears in front of you in broad daylight wearing Hanna’s kimono sleep robe, is it real or just a mirage, nobody knows…*

    11. I miss RE so so much :( :( please come back…. I have a bad case of addiction to this, please give me moooooore

      • Fear not, I will be the Dean to your Spencer! You may check out of rehab because I will be on turbo mode working on the 6B recaps as much as possible before the Season 7 premiere. Count on it!

      • OMG!!!! YES YES YEEEEEES!!! I can’t believe it… you are here! I love you!! My life has a meaning again, thank you thank you THANKY you!!!!

      • *a magical fairy appears and updates a small portion of the recap before vanishing into the air, was the fairy real or just a figment of your imagination, nobody knows…*

    12. Lmao, I look forward to the rest of your recap of the dinner. I remember dying as Alison burned holes into Hanna with her glare as she was saying grace and throwing shade at the same time.

      • Let’s say grace. Thank you, Heavenly Father for this healing food and these dear friends and thank you to all those who are working tirelessly to seek justice for Charlotte. And thank you for helping the police find Charlotte’s killer and anyone who could be protecting him.


        Or her.


    13. You’re back!
      What did you think about everyone’s make-up for the dinner party? I saw a lot of badly blended contouring.

      • I think the makeup artists have been going for an *older & more mature* look in 6B due to the time skip, but the results are usually so tragic lol~ I try to overlook the twenty pounds of makeup everyone is wearing in every scene. :(


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