Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 11

Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 11
Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 11
Pretty Little Liars Recap - Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 11
ZOMG TIME SKIP! In the brand new PLL midseason premiere, we time travel five years into the future where Emily is a college flunkie, Hanna and Spencer have done a wife swap, Aria is deeply entrenched in more Ezria drama, and Alison finally gets to live happily ever after with her evil psychotic sister.
Pretty Little Liars Recaps » Season 6 Episode 11 » Of Late I Think of Rosewood
  • This is the season 6B premiere of Pretty Little Liars.
  • This is the first episode of the *FIVE YEARS LATER* time skip.
  • All your favourite relationships are now destroyed, mwhahahaha!
  • Spencer is officially rockin' bangs now!
  • Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 11 Review

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    PLL Recap: Pretty Little Liars Season 6 Episode 11

    This episode originally aired on January 12, 2016. The episode recap has 45 comments from the best readers ever.
    Welcome to the midseason premiere of Pretty Little Liars, now on Freeform!
    Welcome to a brand new era of Pretty Little Liars! Our girls have finally left the ancient prehistoric times and arrived in a strange apocalyptic future where ABC Family now calls itself Freeform. Can we all agree this is the worst rebranding ever? You’d think at least one of the network executives might realize their new name sounds like the discount brand for some maxi pad. It comes with wings and extra absorption!

    Other shiny new stuff in the midseason premiere includes: New mysteries! New characters! New love interests! New jobs! New hairstyles! NEW BANGS ZOMG!!! For all you freeformers out there not used to these freeform changes, rest assured that PLL is still the same ridiculous hot mess that we know and love. Don’t worry, it’s just the same old shit except in a brand new decade!

    PLL reunion selfies!

    Pretty Little Liars updated their opening credits to add Alison and Spencer's bangs in the brand new footage.
    OMG WHOA. Did everyone enjoy the snazzy new opening credits? It’s funny how they reused the same tired old footage for the past six years, not updating it even when Alison’s character came back to life a few seasons ago. BUT as soon as Spencer gets some fancy new bangs, the PLL team immediately works overtime to make sure these opening credits are updated ASAP. Hairstyle continuity is of the **UTMOST IMPORTANCE** to this show!

    In the past six years, I’ve grown so accustomed to Aria and her off-centre index finger that her shushing face still haunts my dreams sometimes. It was a total shock to my system to see Alison steal her co-star’s signature move and do the shush instead! WTF!? I thought that was an exclusive Aria Montgomery patented trademark!? ‘scuse me, that is known as the ARIA FINGER™, not the Alison finger! How dare they remove one of PLL’s longstanding traditional institutions!!! I WANT THE ARIA SHUSH BACK. 😠

    The universe has auto-spawned four brand new pretty little liars to fill the missing void.
    The most important change happening in Season 6B is the MAIN CAST CHANGE!!! Poor Spencer gets the shock of her life when she arrives back in Rosewood to see that the universe has auto-spawned four brand new pretty little liars to fill the missing void. There’s the blonde one, the brunette one, the other brunette one, and the lesbian one!

    This is actually an official warning to any PLL cast member who tries to negotiate a salary raise with the showrunners in the future. Don’t think you can’t be replaced by younger, fresh-faced, age-appropriate teenage actresses on the show at any given time!

    Alison is the most boring high school teacher ever and spends the entire class reciting Shakespearean passages.
    Five years into the future, Alison is supposed to be a full-fledged, fully qualified, full-time high school teacher. She spends the entire class reciting some longwinded Shakespearean passage, as if her students are all a bunch of illiterate pre-school kids who can’t read by themselves. It’s a goddamn snoozefest. In fact, these students look SO bored out of their minds that they’re practically catatonic. Some of them may have even mastered the art of dozing off in class with their eyes wide open until the school bell mercifully rings.

    My god, imagine sitting through an entire class with your teacher reading straight from the textbook. I guess this is the type of the teaching pedigree you can expect from somebody who bought her college degree on the Internet. ZZZzzzzzz… 😴😴😴

    We meet Dr. Rollins, also known as Alison's future husband!
    We meet Dr. Elliott Rollins, also known as Alison’s future husbando, who is a rather nondescript character so far. I was expecting lots of romantic sparks to fly between this predestined couple whose arranged marriage is already dictated by the PLL gods, but he was just a very ordinary guy who didn’t make much of an impression on me. His lines in this episode could have been delivered by any random background character and you won’t be able to tell the difference.

    Unsurprisingly, Alison spent the past five years seducing Dr. Rollins since he’s in charge of her sister’s diagnosis at the asylum. Their relationship is morally corrupt as hell. Now we know why they got married, it must be a ~*scam marriage*~ in exchange for Charlotte’s freedom. You think Alison would still hug Dr. Rollins like that if he had any shred of medical ethics in him and didn’t agree to release her psycho sister from the nuthouse? Hmm, I’m guessing no!

    Charlotte does NOT deserve to be released from the asylum after all the evil stunts she pulled! JUST NO!!!
    If Charlotte actually gets released back into normal civilization after all the shit she pulled, it would be a fucking tragedy of epic Shakespearean proportions. We have yet to see any real evidence that indicates she’s mentally well again. Just because she wears no make-up and speaks in a soft-spoken voice does NOT mean she’s magically cured from her dark twisted psychopathic tendencies. WTF!?!?

    Besides, I thought this evil bitch was gonna be sentenced to maximum life imprisonment with no chance of parole, so it’s ridiculous that she’s even considered for release after doing just five cozy years in a nice luxurious asylum. The only court hearing Charlotte deserves is to determine whether she should get the DEATH PENALTY or not. 😠

    Alison writes a letter to her friends, begging them to come back to Rosewood.
    Alison writes a letter to the other pretty little liars, begging her friends for mercy when they come back to Rosewood and testify at Charlotte’s trial. Below is the transcript of her letter:

    There isn’t much time, but I wanted you to see these words on paper and not on a screen. I wanted to know you were touching something I touched, that we were connected.

    We’ve been through things no other friends have experienced. We understand each other better than anyone else in the world.

    BUT. All that connects us to someone else. Someone I love. Someone who needs me.

    Alison’s grammar is ABHORRENT. 😱 She literally used “BUT.” as a standalone word in a sentence. Imagine putting that shit into your essays. How is this bitch an English teacher!?

    Pretty Little Liars tried to reshoot their awful Capitol Hill green screen scene, but the original green screen is still the first and the worst.
    We cut to a quick shot of Spencer reading Alison’s letter in front of a hilariously bad green screen that depicts Capitol Hill. Oh my goodness, the production values were so cringey, dare I say almost like Ringer boat scene levels of bad. Spencer might as well be sitting in front of those cardboard cut-out thingies where you put your face in the hole to take a photograph lol~

    For the record, Pretty Little Liars reshot this scene so that the green screen is still awful but looks much less noticeable in the actual episode. However, I chose to screencap the original clip shown in the 6B promos where you can see the green screen in all its epic glory. There’s no way PLL can release this type of hilarious footage to the public and not expect Recap Everything to use it for eternal ridicule. 😁

    Alison orders her pretty little liar friends to return to Rosewood ASAP.
    Alison concludes her letter on a very melodramatic note:

    I know you’re coming back to Rosewood, to speak to the court about Charlotte being released. I’m asking for five minutes with you. Five minutes to explain. Five minutes that can change the whole world.

    It’s a testament to Alison’s narcissism that she thinks her sister’s release from a mental institution is considered world affairs. The only way she’d be able to ~change the world~ is if Charlotte gets released and joins North Korea to nuke the entire planet, otherwise I don’t think we need to call for an emergency G20 summit with all the world leaders involved. Nonetheless, all Alison needs to do is pen a letter and her four loyal lapdog friends immediately hop on a plane to do their master’s bidding. Queen Ali beckons us, we must kneel before her at once!!!

    The pretty little liars hug each other nonstop during their five-year reunion!
    Thanks to Alison’s command, the pretty little liars are now back in Rosewood and they reunite for the first time since the time skip. Their reunion was super adorable with lots of gushing and lots of hugs. It was a more joyous occasion than seeing the Spice Girls get back together~

    Emily: *glomps* I MISSED U!!!!! 😆
    Hanna: *glomps harder* I MISSED U 2!!!!! 😆
    Spencer: *joins the glomping* Ugh, get a room. Ew. 😘
    Aria: *it’s an official glompfest* We’ll need a pretty big room! 😜

    The best part was when Spencer and Emily tried to hug each other, only for Hanna to intercept between them because she needs to hug Aria first! These girls then became one gigantic conglomerate entity with their arms intertwined and their legs tangled up with each other!

    The pretty little liars go on an epic selfie taking spree!
    And then, the pretty little liars make up for lost time by immediately plunging into an EPIC SELFIE MONTAGE!!! These bitches went at it like they just discovered the magical world of Instagram for the first time. They were striking poses and tilting their heads and scrunching up faces and snapping enough pix to last a lifetime. They took selfies for DAYS and DAYS.

    Imagine the utter confusion of the other customers in this café, who must be flabbergasted at why these four adult women are going outta control taking hundreds of photographs of themselves. If you squint closely at the pictures, you might see some of the other customers shaking their heads and rolling their eyes in the background.

     The pretty little liars all have new boyfriends, but none of their names actually mean anything to me!
    The pretty little liars are catching up with each other’s lives, and more importantly, their brand new love interests! Aria has a boyfriend named Jordan! Hanna has a fiancé named Greg! Emily’s mom is hooking up with a guy named Liam! I apologize if I got any of their names mixed up, because they mean absolutely nothing to me. JORDAN! GREG! LIAM! DR. ROLLINS! Who the fuck are these guys and why should I care about them!? Can we at least meet some of these characters before they throw all their random names out there?

    To be honest, it doesn’t really matter if Aria is dating Liam or if Hanna is engaged to Harry or if Spencer is two-timing on Louis with Zayn. We know none of these relationships are gonna last until the end of the season when the girls go running back to their original love interests. Their new boyfriends and fiancés are merely smokescreens for the real endgame couples set in stone since Season 1, it’s like the most obvious thing ever.

    Hanna wants to have her dream wedding in Italy. Uh no, not happening in this universe.
    Hanna shows off her engagement ring and announces that she might be planning her dream wedding in Italy. Pfft, as if. Even assuming her relationship lasts long enough until the wedding day, which I highly doubt will happen in the first place, good luck having your overseas wedding hosted in front of a GREEN SCREEN. I imagine Hanna’s wedding will consist of her in a white dress standing next to some badly projected imagery of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

    Emily: I suppose we’ll need our passports to attend the wedding.
    Hanna: We’re talking to several host nations, but Italy is a strong contender!

    Okay gurl, can we get real? You ain’t going nowhere. PLL won’t shell out the big bucks and ship these girls to ITALY to film fucking anything. If you’re gonna get married on this show, the best that you can hope for is to settle for a shotgun wedding hosted right here at The Brew.

    Emily is hooking up with a nice Italian lesbian that one time during her wild college days.
    Emily: I met a nice Italian girl one time. 😘😘😘
    Aria: No wonder it took you a year longer to graduate college. 😉

    HEY HEY~ Unlike her boring friends who are getting all coupled up, it seems like Emily is simply slutting it up through her twenties and hooking up with as many lesbians from as many different countries as possible. I love that Emily is seeking diversity in her one-night stands. She is like an international ambassador of sex, and these legs are open border for any country’s citizens to enter.

    Stop whining and get a shave, Ezra!

    Aria is a published author after the time skip! NOT.
    OMG! Meet the Author of A Majority of None, Aria Montgomery! It’s an autobiography about a teenage girl who goes through a sexual awakening with the help of her high school teacher. The reviews are in: “Sexy. Thrilling. Provocative. A promising debut from an up-and-coming author. 4 stars.”– New York Times.

    In this scene, PLL totally pulled a ~fast one~ on the viewers. They made us believe that Aria became a published author famous enough to host a televised book signing, except she skedaddles away moments later and allows the *real* author to sit down instead. Looks like Aria was just there to warm up the chair for the VIP guest, whoops!

    Aria is a published author after the time skip! NOT.
    Five years later, Aria landed a job in the publishing industry. Oh no, what happened to her passionz for da photoz??? After PLL made such a big spectacle over her hobby, I totes thought she was gonna become a world-renowned photography prodigy! But I guess there isn’t a real job market for all you aspiring creepy doll photographers out there, sorry y’all. 😟

    I always assumed Aria would be the one working as an English teacher instead of Alison. It seems like a logical career choice for her given her family roots, not to mention Ezra’s influence on her. Part of me thought Aria might have fallen in love with him because she had fallen in love with the teaching profession… But nope, it was just his dick and balls that she thirsted after all along.

    Ezra published his first novel called Ostinato.
    Guess who else is a fancy schmancy author? EZRA FITZ. His first book, Ostinato, is an 18+ erotica about the sexual experiences between a deviant high school teacher and his many, many, many students. Some elements of the book may or may not be autobiographical. The reviews are in: “What the fuck. 0 stars.”– New York Times.

    Ezra’s books are currently collecting dust in a large pile found under the “Books you may have missed!” section, which is the bookstore’s last attempt to get rid of these unsellable worstsellers from their inventory. It’s easy to see why his books aren’t selling. Apparently, Ezra thinks he’s J. K. Rowling and could charge $32.95 USD for one of his hardcore hardcovers. BITCH PLZ. You’re lucky if anyone even picks up your book to use as a coaster for their Starbucks coffee. Try slashing your prices with a 100% discount and then maybe you’ll get lucky with a few sales.

    Ezra is publishing blatant lies about himself on the back of his book.
    On the back of his book, Ezra listed all of his hilariously made-up literary accomplishments:

    Ezra Fitz, a former English professor and resident at South Eastern Pennsylvania received his Masters in English from Hollis College in addition to a residency at the Yaddo Treat. He is a winner of The Hampton Table Prize and The MacGuffin Grant. When he isn’t managing his café, “The Brew” where he concocts his own juice blend, he volunteers with Habitat for Humanity. This is his first novel.

    In addition, Ezra is also a winner of The Hilton Chair Prize and The Sausage McMuffin Grant in addition to a residency at Yabba Dabba Doo! Okay, I thought it was Aria’s job to fact check the books before publishing them? GURL WHY U PRINTING LIES???

    Aria and Papa Montgomery talk about the Ezra drama nonstop. EZRA, EZRA, EZRAAAAA.
    You’d think Aria might finally move on from her high school teacher after graduation, but oh gawd it didn’t take long before the EZRA DRAMA consumes her entire life. Even when she goes home to talk to her daddy, their typical father-daughter conversation revolves solely around EZRA, EZRA, EZRAAAA. 😣

    Aria: I thought Ezra was still in South America?
    Byron: No, apparently he got sick and they sent him home. I’ve seen him in town.

    Wait, I thought he was still in Thailand? There must be no more Thai families in need of homes after Ezra finished pillaging their villages. Our pretty little humanitarian moved on to South America until *TRAGEDY STRUCK* and he got deported back to the USA after they discovered he was sick… Sick in the head, that is. 🙉

    As soon as Aria finds out that her dearest beloved is back in town, she immediately drops her panties and runs over to Ezra’s café just to make googly eyes at him. During this magical five-year Ezria reunion, PLL is laying it extra thick as always with romantic music playing in the background, cameras zooming slowly into their smiling faces, confetti raining down on the happy couple, and even the wind machine was trotted out to commemorate this special occasion.

    Unfortunately, Ezra’s mysterious virus may have already spread across his face, which explains why he looks like an unshaven diseased rodent with splotches of stubble growing along his jawline. Gurl, you may want to check the mirror, you have fungus on your face.

    Nicole was kidnapped in South America by the revolutionaries! WTF!?
    The reason why Ezra became so hoboesque is because of a truly bizarre plot involving his girlfriend Nicole. Last time we met her character, she was a happy-go-lucky girl from Habitat for Humanity with the quirky accent. Five years later, SHE’S DEAD!!! Or not really? Apparently, she got abducted in South America as part of some political terrorism act that left fifteen people either missing or dead, and nobody has seen her ever since.

    WTF!? Am I the only one who thinks Nicole’s disappearance is sketchy as hell? This is like the most farfetched reason you can come up with to write off a fictional character from a TV series. Keep in mind this is the same show that used to get rid of its minor characters by sending them to ~*tennis camp*~, so this overseas kidnapping conspiracy plot came out of fucking nowhere! Are we sure that Nicole was really abducted, or did Ezra murder her, bury the bitch, and then blamed it on the terrorists? Hmm, the mystery thickens.

    The Ezria army killed off Nicole's character because she got in the way of Ezra and Aria's romantic reunion.
    Ezra: I don’t understand how a girl that I met in this shop, who never hurt anybody, can be dragged off by half-baked revolutionaries and nobody can seem to find her. You understand that? Explain it to me.

    At the risk of putting my own life in danger, I must reveal the real identities of these half-baked revolutionaries: DON’T EVER FUCKING MESS WITH THE EZRIA ARMY!!!

    Those gangster thugs aren’t afraid to assassinate a bitch if she got in the way of their preordained ship. Nicole’s biggest crime was daring to come in between Ezra and Aria. One moment she was his new girlfriend, the next moment her body is chopped into a million pieces and fed to the sharks. The Ezria militants work in a stealthy and efficient manner. Dat homewrecking ho ended up getting exactly what she deserved. 😏

    Aria doesn't really care if Nicole is dead or alive, as long as she doesn't get in the way of her magical Ezria reunion.
    Of course Aria doesn’t give a shit that her love rival is being detained in a terrorist cell right now with her limbs being cut off one by one. Oh, I’m so sorry that homewrecking ho isn’t alive to steal my man away from me, hehehe! Bitch was probably the one who placed the hit on Nicole in the first place. The FBI may need to bring in Aria for questioning based on her suspicious involvement with several South American extremists.
    Ezra's new storyline is BORING and we need to jump to the part where he acts like a raving drunk hobo already.
    To be honest, I don’t give a shit about Nicole’s disappearance either. I’m sorry, but it’s hard to care about some one-off character who was barely on the show. In fact, I’m already bored of Ezra getting mopey and mumbling all his lines because he has ~so much angst~ over his dead girlfriend. 😭 Ugh, fuck dis shite. Please fast forward the plot and let’s jump to the stage of grief where this mofo goes totally off the deep end. DERANGED HOBO EZRA is what we all signed up for, hurry up and get it over with! 😒

    P.S. Would it be possible to send Ezra back to South America so that the revolutionaries can kidnap him forever too? Someone oughta throw him over the border plz. Here, you guys missed one captive, take him away free of charge!

    RIP Papa Fields

    RIP Wayne Fields. Emily's dad died during the time skip.
    Let’s take a moment of silence and light a candle for the dearly departed Papa Fields, who had passed away during the time skip.


    WHY COULDN’T IT BE ONE OF THE DADS INSTEAD!?!? I’d easily sacrifice the other four PLL dads at the temple just to bring Wayne back to life again. Aww man, this seriously blows. I wished they didn’t have to kill Emily’s father. He deserved better than an *off-screen death*. At least Papa Fields died knowing that he’s one of the very few PLL characters who’d actually go to heaven in the afterlife, because hell is gonna be pretty overcrowded for the rest of the cast.

    Emily is now working as a bartender who pockets the money into her purse.
    Poor Emily went on a massive downward spiral ever since her daddy died. While the other pretty little liars are adjusting relatively well during the past five years, she’s the only one who turned into a bit of *HOT MESS*. For starters, she’s now a THIEVING LIL BITCH. We find out she’s working as a bartender, but she’s the type of bartender who deposits the tips directly into her back pocket. Bitch was giving herself an early payday and shoving dem dollar bills straight into her purse. Gurl, what are you doing! That is not the cash register!!! 💰
    Spencer was totally geeking out over Emily's new workplace at The Salk Institute
    Emily seems to be lying to her friends about working at The Salk Institute. Um gurl, that’s a strange name for a bar. Do you work there in the scientific department of margaritas and piña coladas? Of course, the best part is Spencer ignoring Emily’s evasive answers about her workplace, because she’s too busy having a NERDGASM and gushing over the architectural p0rn.

    Spencer: How’s The Salk Institute??? All that great Louis Kahn architecture! I want a tour!!!
    Emily: Uh… They’re not doing tours right now…

    Spencer is such a nerd that her eyes lit up and she grinned from ear to ear just talking about the place. Calm down, fangirl. There’s no need to get a massive architectural boner over a slab of concrete.

    Emily is carrying pills and needles in her purse.
    Emily is also popping pills and possibly shooting heroin, which explains why this bitch carries syringes (!!!) in her purse. There’re actually a couple of different theories about why Emily is packing more pills and needles than a frigging pharmacy:

    1.) Emily might have caught whatever contagious sexually transmitted disease that infected Ezra back in South America, so she needs to be heavily medicated at all times.

    2.) Or Emily is simply a hardcore junkie, which means PLL might do yet another ~drug addiction~ storyline for the umpteenth time. Never underestimate this show’s ability to rehash the same old plots over and over again.

    Either way, Emily knows she must keep this drug habit as a secret from her friends, otherwise her beloved prescription pills would get stolen if Spencer ever caught sight of dem goodies!

    Emily and Toby have a heart-to-heart on their front porch.
    OHMIGOSH. There was such a precious scene when Emily & Toby were chugging away beers on the front porch and having a HEART2HEART with each other. We haven’t seen the two of them hang out a lot in the recent seasons, so it warmed my cold heart to see these besties together again. I don’t know what it is about their friendship, but she brings the best out of his character and vice versa. Their bond is so sweet, so pure, so perfect.


    Just seeing them together brings back so many memories. Please excuse me while I go dust off the old Emily x Toby fanfiction that I used to write back in the days and reminisce fondly. 😊

    Toby is angry that he got passed over for a police promotion when he's lucky to even have a job in the first place.
    Emily: You got your degree, didn’t you?
    Toby: *nods* Took a while. Mostly nights. But I got it. Didn’t do much good this year. Got passed over for promotion.

    I love how Toby is speaking as if he was actually considered for a promotion in the first place. Okay gurl, keep dreaming. *lol* We could time skip fifty years into the future and he would still be a lowly ranked police officer who’s not qualified enough for that promotion. Did he seriously expect to be promoted based on his valiant efforts in consuming marijuana and getting high on the job? Just be thankful you still have a job in law enforcement and they didn’t fire your ass already, dude!

    Emily flunked college because nobody would cheat on the exams for her.
    Emily opens up about her disastrous college experience, but long story short: SHE FLUNKED IT. Bitch tried to blame her academic failures on her father’s death, but maybe she should’ve spent less time hitting on Italian girls and more time hitting the textbooks? Emily also suffered from the fact that none of her professors are Mama Montgomery, so she gets a rude awakening when they weren’t willing to cheat on the exams for this pretty little flunkie. 😟
    Emily disses Professor Hanna's many academic achievements, how dare she!
    Emily: College wasn’t what I thought it gonna be. I look at Aria, Spencer, and even Hanna. It all seemed to click for them.

    “And even Hanna.” *lol* Okay, that was a little bitchy on Emily’s part. Excuse me, I’ll have you know that Professor Marin is an esteemed intellectual and even a recipient of multiple scholarship offers! Please stop discriminating against this secret genius! Besides, she isn’t the one who flunked college and currently bartends at The Salk Institute. Sorry Emily, looks like you’re actually the new “Hanna” of the group!

    Emily doesn't see a point to LIFE after her dad died.
    Emily: When my dad died, I just couldn’t see a point to it.
    Toby: To college?
    Emily: To anything.

    Aww, that’s really sad! 😟 I gotta say, Emily has been the most intriguing character since the time skip. Her mysteries are compelling, her storylines are headed in the right direction, and her characterization has been very on-point. I really like what they’re doing with her ~*journey*~ so far and hopefully the quality keeps up for the rest of Season 6B. STAY STRONG EMILY, WE’RE ROOTING FOR YA!

    Veronica Hastings: The Clear, True Voice

    Radley has been renovated into a glamorous boutique hotel.
    Welcome to the new Radley! The rundown asylum had been renovated into a stylish boutique hotel after an extreme makeover. If you think about it, this is a pretty smart business ploy. Since the guests are mostly newcomers to the town, these poor suckers aren’t familiar with the history and wouldn’t know they’re sleeping on the same bedsheets with Big Rhonda’s drool.

    Hanna: Seriously, you would never know this used to be a nuthouse!
    Ashley: Okay, we prefer the European definition of ‘sanitarium’ when talking about this historic structure.

    LOL @ Mama Marin spinning it like crazy. It’s not the loony bin, it’s a medical institution! The Radley patients aren’t called crazy nutjobs, we prefer the European definition of ‘ancestral forefathers’ of this esteemed establishment!

    Ashley is the new hotel manager at Radley.
    Guess who runs the joint? THIS BITCH!!! Mama Marin is the new Queen of Radley, or she prefers the European definition of ‘hotel manager’. Yes, the former bank advisor turned former real estate agent is now qualified enough to run an actual hotel and turn it into a successful business. Ashley also owns the hotel, so now we know exactly where her daughter’s $30,000 scholarship went into use. Pay your own damn college tuition, Hanna! Mama gonna need that money to start a business!

    BTW, may I add that Mama Marin is looking mighty fine after the time skip. She might be the only character who managed to look five years younger when it’s supposed to be five years later. Gurrrrl, she was showing more cleavage than her twentysomething daughter! With the way she looks, don’t be surprised if you order room service and Ashley shows at the doorstep offering to be your overnight companion. It’s probably that kind of hotel. 😉

    Veronica Hastings is running for State Senate!
    WHOA! Guess who’s in the running for the 2016 US Presidential Campaign!? THIS BITCH!!! Okay technically, Mama Hastings is only running for ~State Senate~ or whatever, but we know this is just a political stepping stone on her way to conquer the entire country and then take over the rest of the world. It starts with Hastings for State Senate, then Hastings for President, and finally Hastings for Total World Domination.

    Insider sources say that Veronica is “doing well in the polls for such an untested candidate”, which means she must be America’s Sweetheart with nationwide support and the public’s adoration. She’s winning this election for sure, so you might as well hand her the State Senate trophy right now. 🏆 As for me, I’ll be right here waving my Veronica fan club banners and rooting for my homegirl all the way. YOU GO 4 THE GOLD, SISTA!!!

    Veronica's TV campaign ad is so hilariously bad.
    Unfortunately, her campaign ad tho. *holylol* We see an embarrassing television ad that looked like it was thrown together in PowerPoint made by a semi-intelligent monkey. The final product: Times New Roman font, tacky animations, and a picture of Veronica smacked on top of the American flag. “I’m Veronica Hastings and I approve this message!” No gurl, don’t approve this piece of shit, you’re better than that!!!

    The funniest part is how Veronica looked so damn smug after watching her campaign ad, even though you know her poll numbers are going down every time that television ad plays. “Erm, the flag’s a really nice touch.” Spencer says, clearly struggling to find a compliment. No gurl, smearing shitty graffiti on the American flag and then broadcasting it on TV is actually considered a nice touch of RADICAL TERRORISM.

    Spencer is working as a lobbyist after the time skip.
    Five years later, Spencer is also working in politics. She seems to be clinging to some strange ideals about her entry-level job, acting as if a small potato like her has any real influence over the actual government. We need to properly translate all of Spencer’s political mumble-jumble just to understand what her real job is:

    “I watch the government!” TRANSLATION: She watches the evening news.

    “I keep it honest!” TRANSLATION: She posts angry ranting comments on online articles.

    “I work with grassroots organizations to advance progressive legislations!” TRANSLATION: She stands outside of city hall with protest signs while the real politicians walk past her without acknowledgement. In other words, she’s on the losing side of politics.

    Spencer's parents are still married together five years later.
    Much like a politician, Mama Hastings already broke one of her earlier promises when she vowed to leave her cheating husband five years ago, yet she never signed those divorce papers. Peter and Veronica are still together against all odds.

    Spencer: The family that campaigns together stays together.

    I guess Veronica did the math in her head and figured it was more cost-efficient to keep around a ~*slave husband*~ who’ll write her speeches, book her appointments, fetch coffee, prepare meals, give foot massages & do all her grunt work for free than hire a full-time staffer at her campaign office. Don’t think for a second they’re staying together to work out their loveless relationship. The moment she loses this election, their marriage is officially terminated. *hands Peter the pink slip* You’re fired, bitch!

    Mona is also working in politics after the time skip.
    I must draw the obvious comparisons between Mama Hastings and Hillary Clinton, who both overlooked their husbands’ sexual indiscretions for the sake of their political ambitions. If Veronica is Hillary Clinton, then Mona must surely be the Donald Trump of politics. Both are cartoonish mascots representing the pure malevolent evil of our society, so comical in their villainy that you don’t know whether to laugh at them or cower in their might.

    Can you believe Mona is also working in politics after the time skip? I’m not even sure what her job is, but I’m assuming she’s a secret spy operative working for the North Korean government or something along those lines. If Mona ever gets elected into a position of authority, she’s totally gonna turn this country into a totalitarian state while bringing back slavery, child labour & public executions into our legislation. It’s fucking scary to give her power and this bitch needs to be STOPPED.

    Spencer totally snubbed Mona and didn't wave back at her.
    Spencer: Hi Mona…
    Mona: I waved at you at the Kennedy Center reception. You didn’t see me.

    You know Spencer totally saw her at the reception but chose to snub the bitch lol~ I also love this is the first thing Mona brings up during their conversation, because she never forgives or forgets the tiniest of slights. Don’t worry, when she gets elected as president one day, Mona will make damn sure that Spencer remembers to wave, salute, bow, kneel down, kiss her feet, and worship her from the ground!

    Charlotte is released!?!?!? OBJECTION!

    Alison manipulates her friends once more before the court hearing.
    Alison gathers her minions together and tries to manipulate them before Charlotte’s court hearing. Okay Ali, you have exactly 5 minutes to change the world, the clock is ticking! Unsurprisingly, the bitch doesn’t have anything new to say other than spew a bunch of ridiculous bullshit lies about her psycho sister. Such gems include: “She isn’t a threat to anybody.” (!?) “You know her. You heard her story. We all went through this together.” (!?) “There is no reason to be afraid.” (!?!?!?)

    Emily: You want us to forgive Charlotte…
    Alison: I don’t care if you forgive her. I’m asking you to give me my only chance at a real family.

    Oh, there it is. Alison speaks her true feelings out loud at last. I don’t care how *you* feel as long as *I* get what I want! When will my lapdogs understand they don’t get the right to have petty little opinions!? As the old saying goes, it’s one for all and all for Alison DiLaurentis!

    Alison asks her friends for help with please and thank you.
    The pretty little liars begin protesting against their overlord, so Alison doubles up on the manipulation by batting her eyelashes and asking really nicely with ‘please’ & ‘thank you’.

    Alison: Please, do this. Do this for me.
    Spencer: Pretty please? With sugar on top? That’s what you say on a playground to exact a favour. We’re not on the playground anymore, Alison. We haven’t been for a long time.
    Alison: 😟😟😟
    Spencer: 😒😒😒
    Alison: ……Please?

    Oh dear, it seems like Alison is only capable of one manipulation tactic, which is to keep saying ‘please’ over and over again until her friends finally agree to help her. *lol*

    Jason is not a fan of the Dr. Rollins x Alison ship.
    Spencer: Why isn’t Jason here???
    Alison: He doesn’t agree with Dr. Rollins and me.

    Jason is boycotting the trial because he strongly objects to the unholy union between Dr. Rollins and Alison. Looks like somebody is not shipping the clandestine romance between a wily manipulative seductress and a horny unethical doctor. 🙊 It’s nice to know that at least *one* member of the DiLaurentis family has a ~moral compass~ …even if it comes from the guy who’s constantly sleeping with other people’s fiancées, girlfriends, and his own half-sisters.

    The pretty little liars all testify and agree to release Charlotte back into society again.
    When Alison says *please*, what she really means is *YOU SHALL OBEY, BITCHES!* One by one, the pretty little liars follow their marching orders and recite the scripted testimonies like loyal lapdogs. I’m not afraid of Charlotte DiLaurentis anymore, Your Honor! That evil maniac poses no threat to me, Your Honor! She should get a second chance to terrorize us again, Your Honor!

    Sorry to be blunt, but are these bitches FUCKING INSANE!?!? What could possibly compel them to make such ridiculous statements!? The pretty little liars had one simple job at this court hearing, which is to make goddamn sure that psychopath never steps one foot near them ever again. You’d think this was a clear no-brainer, but our girls are surprisingly easy to forgive and forget… Forget all their common sense, that is. Why not just release Charlotte as well as all the other prison inmates and death row convicts while you’re at it???

    Mona also wants Charlotte released back to society, probably so she can kill her.
    Mona (who demanded to be heard lol) also testified at the court hearing in favour of Charlotte’s release. Oh my god, can we talk about this bitch putting on the phoniest performance everrrr? She was crying all these crocodile tears and sobbing over what a poor misunderstood angel Charlotte is. 😭😭😭 Gurl plz, u r so transparent. You know the only reason why Mona wants that bitch released is so she can kill her out in the open. Looks like you aren’t protected in a highly secure facility anymore! *stab stab stab*

    Mona: I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I’ve been listening to my friends and how they managed to forgive Charlotte. I wished I could hate her, but I can’t!

    My favo moment was when Mona described them as *her friends* and Spencer immediately turns her head to glance bitchily at the other pretty little liars. lol @ the background shade.

    Aria is the only one to speak against Charlotte at the trial and opposes her release.
    Thank god there was a brave soul who didn’t toe the party line. Let’s give a round of applause to Aria, the lone voice of dissent, and the only one sane enough to oppose Charlotte’s release:

    Aria: NO!!! No, I would not feel safe! 😱 I was on the Redline going to Braintree, and the train stopped in the tunnel between the stations. The power went out and it was dark. Not dark, it was black. And I was back in every box, every dark tight space that A had ever put me in, and I couldn’t breathe. Then, I heard a girl crying. Good. I thought somebody else was scared out of her mind. Then the power came back on and every single person on that train was staring at me, because I was the girl that was crying. 😭 I don’t want Charlotte released. EVER. 😠

    I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to hear a normal human being speak at this trial instead of Alison and her cult of vapid braindead followers. ARIA IS SUCH A HERO!!! 🏆

    I object the judge's verdict to release Charlotte back into society!
    You’d think having one of the trauma victims explicitly state that she does *NOT* feel safe is enough proof to keep that dangerous psychopath behind bars forever. Unfortunately, we stumble upon the ~worst judge ever~ who may or may not have flipped a coin to reach this final verdict, so she granted Charlotte’s release anyway. Hooray, it’s a precious day of justice for evil psychos everywhere! 😄

    WHAT THE HELLLLLL. WHAT IS THIS MADNESS!? OBJECTION!!! I HAVE SO MANY OBJECTIONS!!! It’s truly baffling how a judge could hear Aria’s testimony and still deem it the right choice to release Charlotte back to society, like wtf! The only plausible explanation is if this judge had received a threatening text message from A right before the sentence ruling: “Your family is being held hostage in an alligator creek, so you better deliver the right verdict bitch! – A”

    Alison has decided a new pecking order among the pretty little liars.
    Alison delivers the ~great news~ to her friends via a text message. There was a very telling sign in the order that she lists out her friends’ names. After today’s events, Queen Ali has an updated pecking order going from her favourite minion to her new least favourite:

    #1: Emily – You were always my favourite, Em! 😘

    #2: Hanna – Hefty has gotten so big that she takes up the #2 spot as well as the #3 and #4 spots too! 😉

    #3: Spencer – Congratulations, you’re no longer my least favourite in our group of friends! 😀

    #4: Aria – WATCH OUT, BITCH. YOU’LL GET YOURS!!! 😠

    Aria is in trouble for defying Alison's command.
    Spencer: I thought it wouldn’t matter what we said to the judge, because I thought they would never let her out. I thought that we could just lie for Ali one more time and it wouldn’t matter. But it did. They let A out.
    Aria: Wouldn’t it just be the biggest cosmic joke ever if Charlotte gets to live happily ever after!?

    Wouldn’t it be the biggest cosmic joke ever if Aria gets killed first just because she dared to stick her neck out and prevent A’s release? This poor girl must be shitting bricks right now knowing that she openly defied Alison and her homicidal sister, which backfired massively in her face. If this bitch thought she wasn’t safe before, she must have put an even bigger target on her back at the trial today. Let’s hear you testify against Charlotte again after she trapped you in another confined box placed directly in front of a speeding train! You will pay for your traitor words, Judas!

    The pretty little liars snidely toast to Charlotte living a happy prosperous life after her release.
    Spencer: Paris, Rome, Madrid, Rio. We can party in every one of them. And Ali and Charlotte can sit in that big, ugly house and they can bake cookies. 😏

    LOL. It’s funny because it’s totally true. Alison is supposed to be this young twentysomething woman, but it’s like her ~best years~ are long behind her. She’s already resigned to spending the rest of her life in Rosewood, sitting in her big ugly house, playing housewife to her doctor husband and caretaker to her mentally ill sister. C’mon Ali, you’re in your twenties, can you LIVE A LITTLE??? I could never picture her character sitting in this lounge and drinking wine with the rest of the pretty little liars. It’s 9:00PM, so it’s already past Alison’s bedtime!

    The pretty little liars are gonna booze it up for the rest of the night!
    There’s only one way that the pretty little liars can cope with Charlotte’s release, which is to fill ’em up with as much booze until they’re too intoxicated to remember that A IS LIBERATED WTFFFF. I must admit, I’m so used to seeing their teenage selves drink coffee & cappuccino for the past six years, it’s a little surreal to see the liars drink wine & cocktails instead. Our girls are so grown up now! My baby’s first sangria! *getting teary-eyed*

    Hanna: The coven of the sacred cocktails is now in session!

    Um, best name ever for the best club ever? Where can I sign up to join this VIP coven? In my ideal world, I would party hard with this cocktail coven until the crack of dawn, and then immediately crash the raging afterparty hosted by the PLL wine moms! 🍷

    Hanna has a serious drinking problem after the time skip.
    Notice how quickly Hanna is adapting to her new ~hotel heiress~ lifestyle, globetrotting around the world, drinking all night long, and partying nonstop with her friends like she’s one of the Hilton sisters.

    Hanna: You’d think a place like this, they’d have SPECIAL drinks. 😉

    Did anyone notice how Hanna always has a drink in her hand this episode? She’s boozing on the plane, she’s boozing in broad daylight, she’s boozing late at night, she’s still boozing after the last call and immediately suggests the mini-bar. Holy shit, this bitch obviously relapsed back to her alcoholism from Season 5 and is in urgent need of another intervention. Why is she drinking so much anyway!? The only explanation is that Hanna must have read the SPALEB SPOILERZ for this season and never wanted to be sober again.

    Hanna orders Aria around like she's Paris Hilton and Aria is her Tinkerbell.
    After drinking many rounds of electroshock margaritas, manic-depressive mai thais, and bipolar martinis, the boozy little liars crash at the hotel and wake up the next morning with massive hangovers. There was an adorable moment when Aria is suddenly jolted awake by a phone call, leading to this following exchange:

    [Aria wakes up after the phone rings] Hanna: *points at Aria* Sit! Stay!
    Spencer: She’s not a poodle. 😑

    No way, Aria is not glamorous enough to be a poodle. She’s more like the chihuahua from those Taco Bell commercials. Small, yippy, annoying, yet still kinda loveable in a strange inexplicable way. 😀

    We need to talk about Spaleb.

    Alright, it’s time to discuss the controversial SPALEB parts of the episode recap. Pour yourself an electroshock margarita, you’ll need to have a blood alcohol limit above a certain threshold to stomach what I’m about to say. You can almost understand why Hanna chose to get totes intoxicated just to deal with this Spencer-Caleb-Hanna-Toby love rectangle malarkey.

    Season 6B rocked the PLL world to its core with massive shake-ups to all the major couples after the time skip. SPOBY IS DEAD! HALEB IS DEAD! EZRIA IS DEAD! The panicked screams & horrified cries of shippers everywhere are still ringing loudly in our ears. It’s like somebody hit the *reset button* and the *randomize button* on the relationships for this show. All of a sudden, Caleb and Spencer are boning each other!? LOLWTF. Normally I’d only expect to see Spaleb happen in the darkest archives of a Livejournal fanfiction community, so imagine my surprise to see this crack ship is real and it exists in the actual canon timeline, y’all.

    Spencer doesn't mind reusing Hanna's ex-boyfriend as her new love interest.
    Remember Alison’s letter to her friends? “I wanted to know you were touching something I touched, that we were connected.” Ooh boy, I think Spencer may have literally taken that mantra to heart when choosing her next love interest. Like geez, did she really have to go for Hanna’s hand-me-downs out of all the men in the world? Caleb might be considered second-hand used goods, but Spencer clearly loves rinsing and reusing exes at the old boyfriend recycling centre.

    This isn’t even the first time that the pretty little liars swapped love interests either. Remember when Spencer got tired of flirting coyly with Wren and passed him down for Hanna to play with? These girls are such good friends that they don’t mind sharing boyfriends with each other. It’s like one gigantic swingers party and they won’t stop until they’ve sampled through all the possible combinations in their pretty little harem.

    I want more randomized couples on Pretty Little Liars! Give me Spaleb and Hanby!
    Caleb: Thanks for calling me. I really appreciate it. 😘
    Spencer: I’m really glad you’re here. 😘

    OH MY GOD JUST KISS ALREADY!!! For the record, Recap Everything is officially endorsing SPALEB 4 LYFE. I personally love there’s a hilarious ~wife swap~ among the pretty little liars and pray that Spencer x Caleb end up together in the endgame. In fact, PLL needs to shake up the couples even more! Imagine if Hanna ends up with Toby, and Aria ends up with Emily, and Ezra ends up with Alison and Charlotte in a sisterly ménage à trois. I WANT MOAR CRACK SHIPS, THE CRACKER THE BETTER!!!

    Caleb mentions Spencer's name a million times in front of Hanna.
    Caleb arrives at Hanna’s hotel room in the middle of the night, hey hey~ I totally thought this was gonna be one of those dramatic HALEB RECONCILIATIONS where they immediately throw themselves at each other and make out in their maddening throes of passion. Instead, it seems like Caleb only showed up just to say Spencer’s name a million times and rub his new relationship in Hanna’s face? Dude, what gives!?

    Caleb: Hey, Spencer called me.
    Hanna: …Spencer called you? 😒
    Caleb: Yeah, Spencer told me about Charlotte! I’m staying at Spencer’s barn! I better get going, Spencer is waiting for me! Did you hear me mention Spencer yet! Spencer, Spencer, Spencer, Spencer! By the way, Spencer is a much better kisser than you! kthxbye!
    Hanna: 😟😟😟😟😭

    Hanna clearly wants to couple up with Caleb again.
    Hanna laid it *extra thick* on her ex-boyfriend with all these obvious innuendos towards Caleb, but he remains totes oblivious to her sexual advances even though she was practically throwing herself at him. Homegirl wasn’t subtle with any of her come-ons:

    1.) “I thought you were room service! 😉”
    2.) “I’m glad to know your reflexes still work! 😘”
    3.) “My mom can set you up with a room here if you want! 💋”

    My god, it was almost like Hanna forgot that she’s supposed to be happily engaged to some anonymous, expendable, nobody fiancé. You know this bitch wouldn’t hesitate to flush her engagement ring down the toilet if there was the slightest possibility that she could get back together with Caleb again.

    It's inevitable that Spencer and Toby will get back together very soon.
    Needless to say, the Haleb reconciliation is about as inevitable as the eventual Spoby reconciliation, which will both be happening in the near future. All these relationship scenes are basically much ado about nothing. *sighs*

    I don’t even know why they bother breaking up the couples when there’re still these dreadful lovey-dovey reunion scenes between them. When I heard that Haleb and Spoby are finally donezo, I rubbed my hands in glee because I was expecting uglyface tears and slashed tires and vengeful slaps across the face! Instead, we end up getting the most boring amicable breakups where everyone smiles and hugs affectionately and goes up to each other’s hotel rooms in the middle of the night. I seriously can’t tell the difference when these sluts are back together or when they are actually broken up. Like wtf, where is the drama!?!?

    Toby doesn't realize that Spencer and Caleb have hooked up together. So much for the brotherhood of ex-boyfriends.
    Toby: How’s Washington? Caleb said he saw you there.
    Spencer: Oh yeah? You guys talk?
    Toby: Yeah, we’re the brotherhood of ex-boyfriends! We gotta stick together!
    Spencer: *shifty eyes* lol awks~

    During the Spoby reunion, there was a hilariously awkward moment when Spencer cringed and squirmed because poor Toby doesn’t realize that his bestie Caleb backstabbed him and broke the most sacred BRO CODE of them all. Let’s see how this brotherhood of the travelling pants hold up once Toby realizes that his bro and his ho have been secretly doing the nasty behind his back. 🙈

    Spencer agreed to go to dinner with Toby even though she's already sleeping in the same barn with Caleb.
    Toby: Can I buy you dinner before you leave?
    Spencer: Yeah! Sure, we can do that!

    TSK TSK, WHAT A TWO-TIMING HO. You gotta love that Spencer still agreed to have dinner with Toby even though it’s confirmed that she’s sleeping in the same barn as Caleb. *judging u* Hey, just because that Spoby reconciliation is inevitable does NOT mean a girl can’t have some frisky action with the side piece as well! Spencer must be thinking to herself…why do I have to choose between Toby and Caleb when I can easily have BOTH?

    Toby is building a house for Spencer!
    Toby is constructing a house from scratch or whatever? This project ignites Spencer’s fury because she’s convinced that he must be building that house for some other skank, even though it’s beyond obvious this place is gonna be the future *SPOBY HQ*. I’m waiting for the most predictable plot twist to be revealed before the end of the season: “Spencer, I’ve built this house all along for a special girl… And that special girl is YOU.”

    Spencer: All I got was a chair, and some lucky girl is gonna get an entire house.

    No offense, but I would not wanna live in a house that Master Carpenter Toby built all by himself. Can anybody say DEATH TRAP? Imagine the *unlucky* girl who ends up living there when the roof collapses without warning, and that dream house suddenly becomes your dream burial mound. 😵


    That evil bitch Charlotte is finally DEAD!!! The world rejoices, hooray!
    LMAOOOO CHARLOTTE IS DEAD DEAD DEAD!!! YAAAAAAS!!! I’m sorry, but her death is fucking hilarious. After Alison spent the past five years seducing the doctor, manipulating her friends, and fighting tooth and nail to get her sister released from the asylum, Charlotte immediately gets killed by karmic justice in less than twenty four hours upon her release. *lmao*

    We don’t know the circumstances behind her death, but I don’t need a coroner’s report to tell you that the cause of death is most definitely KARMA. It’s nice to know that in spite of rigged judges and lying bitches trying to defy justice, the cosmic universe has an effective way to correct its course and ensure that evil homicidal psychos get the comeuppance that they deserve. Somebody hurry up and ring the bell, because ding dong the bitch is dead!!!!!

    Alison is crying over her sister's death after getting her released.
    NO SISTER 4 U ALISON!!! Her bitter and mournful tears are seriously warming my heart. If I’m supposed to feel sorry for the bitch just because another family member of hers died, then I guess my uncontrollable laughter may not have been the most emotionally appropriate reponse to Charlotte’s death. *lolwhoops* I’m very sorry for your loss, Alison… 😟 NAWTTTT. LMAO LMAO LMAO. 😆😆😆

    Before we pop the champagne bottle, it must be pointed out that Charlotte might be one of those PLL characters with nine hundred ninety nine lives, so don’t be surprised if she’s bound to come back to life at some point in the future. Personally, I’m very sceptical that such an evil presence can be eradicated from the world without the use of nuclear weapons. Bitch is probably faking her death, and that dead body must belong to Bethany Young’s long lost twin sister instead.

    Dr. Rollins is Charlotte's murderer, I'm calling it now.
    Dr. Rollins: If I thought there was any chance of Charlotte taking her own life, I never would’ve let her leave the hospital.

    First of all, that’s a blatant lie. Don’t even act like Dr. Rollins would’ve changed his professional medical verdict, his mind was made up as soon as Alison gave him a handyj. Second of all, THIS BASTARD DID IT. Obviously. Did you notice how many times this mofo batted his eyes when he said that last sentence? I *blink* NEVER *blink* WOULD’VE *blink* LET HER *double blink* LEAVE THE HOSPITAL *blink182times*. My god, I thought he was having a severe epileptic seizure! It was the most telling facial tic ever and Dr. Rollins gave himself away through his nervous fluttering eyes. You might as well give your confession now, you murderer!

    Emily and Alison are holding hands during her time of need. EMISON SAVES THE DAY AGAIN!
    Deep down, Alison must have guessed that her psycho husband killed her psycho sister, so that’s why she’s desperately clinging onto Emily’s hands because this bitch needs a back-up love interest. Play your cards right, and she’d be scribbling “Mrs. Fields” instead of “Mrs. Rollins” on that classroom chalkboard instead! 😉

    Alison: *grabs onto Emily’s hand*
    Emily: *puts her other hand on top of Alison’s hand*

    Both hands, ooh yeah! Okay okay, I know this was supposed to be some super special romantic Emison moment that have y’all wet and moist and in need of new panties. But to be honest, them holding hands kinda reminded me of a predatory monster sinking its claws into its feeble prey, as if to say U WILL NEVER ESCAPE MAH CLUTCHES.

    Lorenzo got promoted to a detective, while Toby is still just a cop.
    The police are investigating into Charlotte’s death. We see a hilarious juxtaposition between Lorenzo and Toby, like a side-by-side comparison of the winners and the losers in life. Five years ago, they both started out as police officers at the same rank. Since then, the former is now promoted to a cool snazzy detective, while the latter is still working as a lowly uniformed cadet cop going nowhere in his career. Seeing the two of them together is like: Lorenzo is *Detective John Luther* and Toby is *Scully and Hitchcock* from Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

    I can’t imagine how Toby must be feeling right now. I’m just a TV viewer and even I’m embarrassed for him. Soon enough, Detective Lorenzo will be barking out orders, flashing his shiny new badge, and asking Officer Toby to kneel down and polish his shoes. 😞

    Charlotte's boobs looked absolutely amazing at the funeral.
    It’s time to pay our respects at Charlotte’s funeral! Our first order of business is to point out how mesmerizing her boobs looked as she lied there in the casket. Holy smokes, her funeral boobage was 10/10 fucking spectacular! You’d think her body might look like a mashed up mess considering she was thrown off a bell tower, but that’s one helluva embalming job they did on her corpse and particularly on her breasts. I simply can’t take my eyes off her perky melons. They’re like two plump peaches attached to a dead body and I WANT A BITE. 😋

    BTW, you gotta wonder why A insisted on wearing black hoodies all the time and covering up those magnificent bazookas of hers. It’s a travesty that her boobs were kept hidden from the public eye for so long. Gurrrrl if you got da goods, FLAUNT DEM THANGS!

    The pretty little liars have front row seats at Charlotte's funeral.
    Is anybody surprised about the full attendance at Charlotte’s funeral? This place is more packed than an Ed Sheeran concert! You wouldn’t think there’d be a large showing of support at the funeral for a deranged serial killer, not unless the majority of the guests here are her former acquaintances at Radley. To be honest, I didn’t expect anybody to show up at the funeral other than a group of rioters assembling outside with their protest signs. Who knew Charlotte was so beloved by the vast population of the town that all her loyal fans came out of the woodwork and pledged their support at her national funeral?

    The only logical explanation to this high turnout: I’m guessing that most of the people are only here to make sure the evil bitch is confirmed dead dead, i.e. I won’t believe her so-called death unless I witness it with my very own eyes!

    Mona showed up at Charlotte's funeral just to do some trolling in the background.
    Also in attendance: Mona, who was relegated to the back row and cannot sit with the rest of the cool kids in the VIP seats. What is this demon imp even doing here? I’m assuming she must be there simply to gloat and celebrate and rub it in Ali’s face. We can expect Mona to start clapping and hollering in the middle of the funeral service, while shouting obscene profanities throughout the entire sermon. “BOOOO!!! SHE’S BETTER OFF DEAD!!!” 😠😠😠
    Caleb and Ezra look like slobs at Charlotte's funeral.
    Also in attendance: Caleb and Ezra. It’s pretty strange they are even here considering they barely had any affiliation with the dead bitch, but I’m guessing Alison must have asked a lot of her friends to come and fill the empty seats. Pleeeeease go to the funeral, do it for me?

    More importantly, we gotta call out these two mofos for looking like SLOBS at the funeral. There’s Caleb with his mess of a bedhead, and Ezra with his permanent five o’clock shadow. It’s evident that both of them think they don’t need to pay attention to their physical appearances just because they’re dudes. Considering the pretty little liars are rocking the ~funeral chic~ and look like hot glam divas as always, would it kill the guys to put some effort into their personal grooming plz? Here’s a comb, here’s a razor, and here’s some deodorant too because Ezra is starting to look like he might smell a little…

    Hanna was shooting death glares at Spencer and Caleb flirting in front of her.
    By the way, did you catch Hanna’s DEATH GLARE OF DOOM when she saw Caleb & Spencer interacting with each other? There was a particular moment when he walked up to her, whispered into her ear, and even touched her shoulder too. OMFG, Hanna’s eyes contained so much vengeful hatred that I thought laser beams would come firing out of her irises and shoot a massive gaping hole into Spaleb’s bodies! HOW DARE YOU SLUTS. 😠😠😠
    Sara Harvey showed up at the funeral even though nobody invited her.
    Also in attendance: QUEEN JENNA. Oh, never mind, that’s just a false prophet impersonating her royal highness. Black Veil is only Sara Harvey, who arrives at the funeral dressed in her best Jenna disguise. Look at me, I’m seemingly blind! Look at me, I need a personal attendant to open the door for me! Look at me, I have such a complicated vendetta against the pretty little liars! I AM SO MYSTERIOUS HEEHEEHEE!!!

    Ugh, bitch plz. Shower Harvey wishes she was as epic as Jenna, but she could never replace the original and the best. I notice a lot of you are calling Sara as “the new Jenna” because of their eerie resemblance, which is SO insulting to my beloved queen that making such comparisons should be considered TREASON. That counterfeit ho might be copying her exact demeanour and stealing all of her mannerisms, except the main difference is Jenna = natural kween 👑 and Sara = basic beta bitch not worthy enough to lick the toejam from our queen’s feet.

    What's the deal with Sara Harvey and her black veil fetish?
    Okay Sara Harvey, you got some splainin to do. First of all, dat beekeeper’s outfit. Seriously, what’s the deal with this bitch and her obsessive black veil fetish? Does Sara know how ridiculous she looks? It’s funny because everyone else in attendance is dressed in perfectly ordinary suits and dresses, but here’s this hilariously over-the-top drama queen trying to upstage Charlotte at her own funeral with the *ZOMG BLACK VEIL*.

    Second of all, when Sara lifted her black veil and turned around to glare at the pretty little liars, I was getting some serious PTSD flashbacks to the midseason finale where she did the exact same thing. My buttcheeks were clenched in anticipation of Sara hissing out her infamous line: “CHARLOTTE’S DEAAAAAAHD.” Imagine if she actually said that during this episode, I might have died laughing my ass off for an eternity and beyond. 😂

    The pretty little liars are accused as murder suspects. What else is new?
    We end the episode with the pretty little liars being informed that Charlotte was actually killed and the four of them are now the prime suspects of an ongoing murder investigation. It’s funny because none of this would’ve happened if only the girls didn’t lie in their testimonies and contributed to Charlotte’s release, so karma certainly came back to bite them in their lying asses. Even when A is dead, she still manages to find an uncanny way to screw over these bitches lol~

    At least the pretty little liars can take solace in the fact that their evil tormentor is finally dead dead dead, riiiight? lolokay, not really. How long do you think it will take before the girls start receiving their first threatening text message? I’m giving it three episodes max before the new A shows up and their cycle of abuse begins all over again, hooray!


      • Yaysies! :D I really don’t wanna fall behind again. Even if these 6B recaps might be slightly behind schedule, I’m gonna try my best to make sure they get updated in a timely manner.

    1. Awesome to see you prepared to keep up with the new episodes!

      Despite being one of the few people who was fine with the 6A finale, for some reason it just couldn’t bring myself to care about the fact that 6B was starting back. But lo and behold, I watched it and really enjoyed it! And now I’m back to look forward to new episodes lol. Can’t wait fir your recap.

      • I was actually the opposite! I was really disengaged with PLL after watching that midseason finale, but after rewatching and recapping the older 6A episodes, I got really hyped up about the show again. When PLL is good, it’s GOOD. And when PLL is bad, it’s still sorta good in a hilariously bad way. *lol*

        And I enjoyed the 6B premiere as well, so I’m looking forward to all the crazy hijinks will happen five years later!

    2. How much we want to bet this Nicole bitch will be rescued and shows up at Ezra’s door the minute Aria and Ezra get back together? These writers are so predictable.

      • Gurl, I wouldn’t expect anything less from Pretty Little Liars. It’s inevitable that Nicole will arrive in a chariot pulled by lions as soon as Aria and Ezra have their first reunion kiss, you can bet the bank on that.

    3. So I used to read you recaps years ago, and the life got in the way and I stopped watching the shows so didn’t read the recaps but I randomly remembered the other day and I can’t tell you how happy I am, I think I look forward to these recaps more than the actual show. You’re hilarious!

      • Thank you so much for your kind words, they are a great motivation for me to ~keep going~. It’s always nice to hear from an old reader again. I’m glad that you still remembered me after all this time, I’m like that annoying itch in the back of your mind that you can’t get rid of hahaha! :D

    4. Oh my gosh you recapped again! It was such a pleasant surprise to see another recap on my birthday. I haven’t seen the episode yet but I’m so hyped up to. You’ve really sharpened my eye to things on the show I wouldn’t have cared about before, like Hanna’s sunflower pants and hilarious dialogue “you don’t know what you don’t know”.

      Thanks again :[| (Once upon a time recap suggested turtleface)

      • HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I got you the same present that Paige got Emily on her birthday, a private one-on-one meeting with legendary Olympic-winning swim coach, Dominic Russo! (Actual swim lessons not included.)

        OMG. I totally still remember those sunflower pants of Hanna’s with the flower bud firmly on her ass. SO TRAGIC. :(

    5. LMAO! I knew you would mention Veroinca’s campaign ad. I was like wtf that looks like a 8 yr old’s slide show project.

      • lol her tv ad looked soooooo shabby. I mean, if you’re gonna pay all that $$$$$ to broadcast a TV advert, you might as well spend more than five minutes putting together something better than that CRAP.

    6. Lol I love how Aria be like “She tortured mememememe”. Let’s see how much she has to say when New A kidnaps the other liars and starts an underground drug ring. O_O: Sorry guys can’t come to the hearing, bzzt going through a tunnel now bai.

    7. I was so proud of Aria for telling the truth! It was surprising because Aria usually lies about EVERYTHING, but I guess she really has grown up!

      • LOL, she grew up for an episode…and then promptly lied about ever leaving the hotel :D

      • Haha that’s true! I can’t wait to hear RE’s thoughts on Aria and Ezra in that episode!

      • “I was so proud of Aria for telling the truth!” Fast forward to the next episode when Aria is lying telling a million unnecessary lies about everything to everybody, including her friends, her boyfriend, her boss, the police, and even Ezra (i.e. “your book is really good!” lolno). You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, unfortunately. D:

    8. OMG! I love your recaps-they give me life! Just one question….can you PLEASE recap Shadowhunters? It has recap everything written all over that! Okay, thanks! Continue being funny and fantastic!

      • I don’t know anything about Shadowhunters other than the fact that it has Harry Shum Jr (BAE) and it airs after PLL. All the negative reviews look very promising for a guilty pleasure type of show though, so I may check out the premiere just for you! No guarantees if I would recap it or not~~~

      • WREN NEEDS TO BE ENDGAME A FO SHO. No other alternative is acceptable. I’m praying for Julian Morris’ aspiring acting career to fail and his new show Feet of God to be promptly cancelled just so he would have no choice but to return to filming PLL as a last resort. *mwhahaha*

      • LOL. I feel kinda bad for Alison too, but I also love watching her character suffer as much as possible. That’s two relatives dead and TWO MORE TO GO. Imagine if Alison was the last surviving member of the DiLuarentis clan. *mwhahaha*

    9. Looool Yabba Dabba Doo is right down the street from me. Why PLL is so obsessed with ~*SaRaToGa*~ I’ll never understand. The hallowed halls of Yaddo contained the likes of Sylvia Plath, Truman Capote, Langston Hughes, and… Ezra Fitz.

      • Yup yup, Ezra is one of the Literary Greats just like how his girlfriend is one of the Photography Revolutionaries of his generation. Since you live so close to the Yaddo, you should ask Ezra for an autograph the next time you see him since he apparently frequents there soooooo much.

    10. I don’t want Spaleb- I want the Caleb and Ashley crackship I thought they were setting up last season! :'(

      • I think SPALEB is just a red herring for the crack ship that’s gonna happen between Caleb and Mama Hastings. Don’t tell me you don’t notice the vibes between them two. The real love triangle in season 6B is gonna be between Ashley and Veronica as they fight each other over Caleb.

    11. I soooo need you to do the other new episodes recaps as well! It is better for me, than watch the actual show :D you are awesome!

      • Your wish is mah command! I’m definitely planning to recap the rest of the new episodes too, even if I might be a bit behind schedule… Thank you for your patience. :D

    12. Why did I not see this earlier???

      I have to say, I am incredibly torn on Spaleb. I really loved Haleb, they were a great couple considering they were both traumatized high school kids, and I feel sad for Hanna, who has become one of my favorite liars. That said, I have always loved Spencer and think she is a better intellectual match for Caleb. I guess this may be the start of a polyamory romance on TV?
      Also, I totally didn’t realize that Toby would have a rude awakenening soon about his best bro. Although I guess he has been *traveling pants*, hehe.

      • It would be an absolutely amazing idea if Caleb ends up forming a polygamy family with Hanna and Spencer. Can you imagine Hanna as the First Wife exchanging passive aggressive jabs at the Second Wife Spencer? LOL. And what if Caleb ends up marrying Aria and Alison as his future wives too? The storyline possibilities are endless~~~

        I can’t imagine how Toby would react once he finds out his best bro’s ultimate betrayal. I’m hoping a little bit of drama and fallout, maybe some drama and fists thrown, although to be honest I’m not expecting a lot of emotion from that plank of wood Toby. *lol*

      • Mwhahaha, we converted another non-believer to our cause. Welcome to the dark side of Ezra Fitz! :D :D :D

    13. I used to like Ezra and Aria together in the early seasons but that was only because I was only 11 then so I was like oh 16 is basically an adult, but then like a year ago I had my 16th birthday and I was thinking about pretty little liars and I realized I am the same age now as Aria was when she started dating Ezra, so I had a revelation and realized there relationship was so ridiculously wrong. So I am so glad I found your blog because it channels my current feelings on Ezria!!! It is so awful how much the show glorifies their relationship. Last summer I was a camp counseler and the 12 year olds I was supervising were having a conversation about PLL and this one girl said she thought Ezria’s relationship was wrong and all the other girls actually got MAD at her. Then they all went on these tirades about how “BEAUTIFUL AND ROMANTIC” Ezria is, and I was like OML Ezria is corrupting our children!! :(:(

    14. recuerdo partes y momentos pero no estoy segura de lo que es real y lo que que he inventado te estaba presionando todo el verano para que le digas a melissa sobre lan porque yo quiera seprarlos pense que realmente le gusta a lan y que melissa estaba en el medio y tuvimos una pelea en la cocina y se puso feo fue como si guardaras cada pelea que tuvimos las secaras todas esa noche pense que todovia estaba amenazandome te dije que le diria la verdad a melissa y dije que lo olviadaras. pero te estaba aferrando a eso como un perro con un hueso Oye, ! esta conversacion o no acabo ! termino, Spencer y nosotras tambien no te alejes de mi maldita sea, Alison dije, ! para ! estas fuera de lugar Spencer ¿ lo estoy ? ¿ estas seguras de eso ? ¿ por que no baja esa cosa antes que te hagas daño ? ¿ estas dragandote ? cuando vi las pastillas lo averigue no estaban dormida porque estaba drogada. Spencer – Spencer, espera ¿! que ? ! por favor no le digas a nadie por favor, mira no voy a hacer nada, ¿ de acuerdo ? me pondre de rodillas y mano te rogare si es eso lo que quieres – ¿ por favor ? – para Spencer, mirame. no tomes mas de estos esta noche. ¿ de acuerdo ? y nunca los tomes con alcohol – si mis padres se enteran.. no lo harian. esto sera nuestras secretos Gracias. eso es lo que hacen los amigo. vuelve y duermete, ¿ de acuerdo ? y despudes de eso solo habia una persona mas que necesitaba ver tu padre Aria sabes el daño que haria a Aria si tomas esa decision no creo que seas una persona tan horrible buenos, entonces esta claro que no conoces tan bien no creia que byron fuese A pero necesitaba que supira que tenia las cintas

    15. la encontro en la autipist, el de radley eso es todo lo tiene que saber no he estado en rosewood esta noche, Señora y su hija tampoco. no me van a dejar volver a salir nunca quiza es lo mejor quiza papa tenia razon sobre mi entendera si tu.. no me quieres volver a ver mas mejor nos damos un tiempo pense que costaria mucho tiempo

    16. cece me digo que paso por la casa de lo dilaurentis para hablar con Alison la noche en que desaparecio cuando cece llego, presencio una pelea !oye oye esta conversacion no ta teminado basta, Spencer esta terminado y tambien nosotras. no huyas de mi, ! deminios, Alison ! dice que pares ! – te esta sobrepasado, Spencer ¿ lo estoy ? ¿ estas segura de eso ? por que dejas eso antes de que te lastimes ? cece no te dijo nadie la que vio porque el señor Dilaurentis le digo que no lo hiciera la señora Dilaurentis tambien fue testigo de la pelea

    17. seguia viendo a una rubia en un red coat vigilando a las chicas y… primer pense que me habia vuelto loca vi como mama te enterro sabia que si estuvieras viva apareceria si las chicas estuvieran en peligro todas pensaron que estabas pilltando el avion aquella noche pero mande un señuelo para distraserlas ¿ Alison ? mona creeo que esta a punto verte no tiene ni idea ¿ sara harvey era la otra red coat cuando necesitaba que lo fuera – ¿ que ? – ni hablar esta mimitiendo y, esa noche… se suponia que iba a mantener a mona ocupada mientras atapaba a las chicas era el perfecto entonces Shanna aparecio y se desato el infirerno ¿ alquien la ha visto ? ¿ ver a quien ? Alison ella me ha sacodo de ahi nos ha sacadi a todas no. estas alucinando estaba aqui lo juro Alison esta muerta yo tambien la vi y yo sabia que no estaba loca realmente estabas viva si de verdad te preocupadas por mi ¿ por que continaste con el juego ? cuando tus amigas pensaron que mataron a ” A ” en nueva youk era el momento perfecto para acabarlo deje de pais pensado que habia acabado pero el juego es como una droga y era realmente buena jugando y me sentia genial teniendo exito en algo me atacaste en mi propio salon te iba marchar y no podia perderte a ti tambien tenia que hacer que pareciese real para que prestaras atencion

    18. no soy una mala persona Alison casi congelas a Aria y Spencer hasta la muerte casi ! estampaste un coche en casa de Emily ? si y casi la corto por la mitad tambien ¿ pero esta herida ? no ¿ esta su mami herida ? no solo me enfadaba cuando tu no escuchabas no puedes apartar a la gente de sus familiar y encerrados para que jueguen contigo como si como si fuera tus muñecos si, puedo y lo hice se que no me creeres pero quiero a todas mis muñecas pero eso sequis vivias nunca dejada que nada realmente malo les pasara. apesta matar a alquien incluso cuando se lo mercen

    19. Addison, ere tu ? deberia ir a clases era el ultimo timbre algunos podemos ver.. y oir. pues venga ya si.señora puede que no sea capaz de yer pero puedo oler a una zorra a un kiliometro y yo creia que tu eras la mala seguro que se conviente en una prefesora de muerte pero sique dandome mal rollo nos quedamos en rosewood por ella y te apoye pasate inmuerables visitandola y tambien te apoye caled, no sera para siempre solo hasta que termine la terapia ¿ y cuanto tiempo va a ser eso ? es Weldy acaba de dejar a mona – esta subiendo – lo estabamos haciendo bien, hanna tu con tus diseños y yo vendiendole mi sofftware a lucas nos compramos el loft voy a prepareme para la fiestas ¿ no va ni a decir hola ? hola. me estaba preocupando pense que tal vez habias cambiado de idea

    20. no no. claro que no y bien ¿ que te parece pedir al tailndes para cenar ? mona tenemos la despedida de soltero – soltera esta noche – te lo conte ¿ recuerdas ? – lo siento con las medicinas no soy tan avispada como antes te vas a poner mejor. mona ya si ya sabe estare bien sola dime cono va la tele y ponme el canal concursos muy bien ha sido buena supisicion nunca habira sabido que esto era lost Woods Resort Spencer investigo la hisotia y fiosofia de los mejores campamentos de Adirondaks. claro que si ¿ se lo habias dicho a Mary ? hemos decidido que , cuando ambas estemos preparadas . se lo juntas vale ya podes salir muy bien ¿ cual es el gran sorpresa ? agarraos ! sopresa ! chico, es precioso pensaba que seria una fiestas con barril de cerveza – ya y yo me anularon el voto bueno como no podemos ir con nosotros de luna de miel

    21. porque seria un poco raro hemos pensado pasar una noche en la provenza con nosotros estamos celosos de que vayas a francia y nosotros no esta ciudad italiana de la costa de venecia es conocida por una cristal – ¿ murano ? – ¿ si ! dios mio


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