Season 3 Episode 14, Pretty Little Liars Recap, She’s Better Now
- This is the Season 3 midseason premiere of Pretty Little Liars.
We begin this episode of Pretty Little Liars with a high-speed car chase through the dangerous speedways of a suburban neighbourhood. *gasps* TOBY JUST DROVE PAST A STOP SIGN WITHOUT BRAKING! HOW EVIL OF HIM!!!
It’s the middle of the night, and Toby is behind the steering wheel trying to maul down some poor skateboarder. Except it was the suckiest car chase ever? You’d think somebody driving a *car* would be able to catch up to somebody limping on a *skateboard*, but noooo. Um Toby, it’s called an accelerator, ever heard of it? Afterwards, he almost got hit by another vehicle and then he somehow drove right up into the sidewalk. Wow, I think Toby’s driving might actually pose more of a danger to himself rather than the guy he was trying to run over. Get a new learner’s permit dude!
They hid the skateboarder’s face so that we wouldn’t figure it’s a stunt actor doing the action scenes, but the show tried to convince us the skater punk was LUCAS of all people. *snickers* I’m sorry to stereotype, but can you imagine that dweeb on a skateboard? I’m picturing him with his sweater jackets, bow ties and a big clunky camera around his neck. Somehow, I don’t think skateboarding is really his kind of hobby?
Elsewhere, in the middle of the night…
Hanna: M-m-mona!? What are you doing here!? X_X
Mona: HI HANNA! This seems like the perfect place and time to tell you that I’m not crazy anymore. :o)
This scene was so outrageous that you’d think it HAS to be a dream sequence, but nope, it’s happening for real. Let’s recap: there’s a psycho bitch who tried to kill you before getting thrown into an insane asylum, she has broken into your house and is now standing by your bedside in the middle of the night. Nope, no signs of craziness there!
Mona is BETTER now???
This episode revolves around Mona’s return to normal society after her release from Radley. Amazingly enough, she’s allowed to enrol in the same high school since it apparently has no ethical standards whatsoever. Certified lunatic who poses a threat to our student body? We’ll take ’em! Homewrecker who cheated with one of the staff’s husband? Come right in! Former druggie advising a bunch of impressionable teenagers at the most perilous time of their youths? Our doors are open! *shudders* This high school is like an anarchy.
Speaking of druggies:
1.) Why is Jason at this high school ALL THE FRIGGING TIME!? I thought he was gonna give those DON’T DO DRUGS KIDZ seminars once or twice a month, but it feels like I’ve seen him on school campus more often than I see Ella, who actually teaches there.
2.) Curse you, Mona! I wanna snuggle my head on Jason’s bosom too! So jealous. ;_;
3.) …..wait, are Jason x Mona a thing now? WTF!? Since when???
Mona claims that she’s *healed* and *recovered* and *born-again*, but basically nobody believes her crazy ass has changed for the better. In fact, one of the students (aka. my hero) played an awesome prank by putting a cow’s brain inside Mona’s locker, with a message that says: “Takes one MAD COW to know another.” lololol amazing~ Please recruit whoever did this into The A Team immediately.
LMAO. How obnoxious is this? There’s a lunatic waving a knife in the school hallway and most of the students only care about taking pictures with their crappy cell phones. You guys, CNN would only need these pictures if Mona ends up shedding blood in a knife-yielding rampage, and chances are that the losers holding their phones at the front line will be the first to go. Even then, the news channels don’t need fourteen sets of photographs from the same camera angle, so everybody put away your cameras and calm the fuck down.
After the prank, there’s an interesting exchange between Mona and Lucas where she whispers something into his ear. We don’t get to hear what she says, but I’m imagining something along the lines of: “Find the prankster and bring me his head on a silver platter!!!” or “Meet me after school so that we can plot the deaths of half the school population!!!”
Aria: So wait, someone stole that from the bio lab? They have cow brains up there!? I didn’t even think…
To be fair, I don’t think Aria can locate where her own brain is most of the time, so I understand her confusion over how biology class works.
Spencer: That’s because you got excused from dissection based on vegetarian grounds.
Aria: It wasn’t vegetarian. It was humanitarian.
LMAO. That is SO Aria. I respect her decision not to dissect a cow’s brain though. It must be especially hard for Aria to cut open the brain of such a like-minded intellectual species.
One cow brain later and the girls are already starting to feel sorry for Mona, until Spencer stomped her foot down, reminded them what a psycho bitch she was & snapped them back to their senses. Unfortunately, Hanna seemed to be a complete lost cause, on top of being a hopeless enabler. She’s already cozying up to Mona like they are besties again.
Aria: Hey, I thought you were playing Mona’s bodyguard?
Hanna: *annoyed* Okay. I said I would be around for her.
I don’t know whether to commend or condemn Hanna’s unwavering loyalty to a friend. On one hand, it’s kinda sweet. On the other hand, she’s kind of the Rihanna to Mona’s Chris Brown and gurrrrl you just need to GET. THE. HELL. OUT.
I actually felt sorry for Mona after hearing all the SMACK that Aria has talked about her. Anybody who still thinks Aria Montgomery is a nice person needs to read the following dialogue and reassess their judgment.
Spencer: What if she has some kind of connections to the NAT Club?
Aria: Spencer, that club ended while she was Loser Mona. Pre-Lasik and metal-mouth. If those perves didn’t even wanna peep in her window, why would they wanna hang out with her?
Way to go, Aria, for causing tons of irreversible self-esteem issues in girls who do not fit into your narrow-minded ideal of beauty. No wonder Mona went off the deep end with bitches like Aria to crush their spirits and diminish their self-worth!
I don’t know what has gotten over into Aria this episode, maybe she was hormonal, but this bitch was so needlessly hostile and venomous towards everybody. Every time she opened her mouth, it was to deliver a hilariously snide remark and I had to cover my mouth while guffawing uncontrollably.
1. (referring to Mona’s cray)
Aria: I’ll tell you what, she sneaks into my house past midnight, I’m sleeping with a crowbar under my pillow.
2. (referring to Meredith being her new teacher)
Aria: Now Meredith is her replacement!? PLEASE STICK A FORK IN MY NECK!!!
I will be glad to do so, Aria. By the way, there’s a hilarious scene where Aria was blatantly text messaging during the lecture, and Meredith catches her in the act, but Aria had the nerve to outright lie about it. Her first instinct was to deny, deny, deny, even though she got caught holding the goddamn phone in her hands. LOL~
Meredith: Look, guys, while I’m here, no phones.
Aria: *fingers still pressing the keys* What!? I wasn’t on my phone. O_O
It’s extra funny because Aria seems like the type of goody-goody teacher’s pet who never gets in trouble during class. Anyway, Meredith confiscates her phone and demands to talk to Aria after class …which of course meant the other three bitches had to stick in their noses where they don’t belong.
Meredith: I guess since you travel in a pack, you can all stay. *laughs* Just so we don’t get off on the wrong foot, let’s be clear. I have a job to do. And if you laydeez want to graduate, so do you. Look, I saw what you were texting. You’re in this class to discuss American history, not mine. Got it!?
Just so we’re clear, Meredith is a totally disgusting human being, but any enemy of Aria Montgomery is automatically a friend of mine. ^_^
Since Spencer is running out of living suspects whom she can blame for Alison’s murder, she has moved onto accusing Papa Montgomery after what happened in the Halloween episode. This causes a major source of tension between Team Sparia, since unlike Spencer, Aria isn’t so keen on throwing her family members under the bus in a murder investigation.
3. (addressing Spencer after another accusation)
Aria: What’s next? Are we all gonna start wondering if my dad was on the Halloween train too? You actually believe my own dad would drug me and then lock me in a box!?
In short, yes. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if Ella and Mike were on the train too, helping Papa Montgomery to push off that box.
4. (…and then these bitches turn on each other. MEOW!)
Emily: If Mona knows why Garrett died right after he told that story about Aria’s dad…
Spencer: STOP. We’re not going to talk about that.
Aria: No, go ahead! Talk about it, just do it when I’m not here!
LMAO. Aria knows her friends so well. It’s a bit rich coming from her though, considering all the crap she said about Melissa’s sister and Emily’s girlfriend in the past. Not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, eh?
5. (after Aria tells her friends about A’s baby basket outside Ezra’s doorstep)
Hanna: What did you do with the basket?
Aria: I trashed it! Why? Did you want the jellybeans!?
Hanna: *makes a face*
PMSL. Aria is such a raging hellbeast, I luv it~~~ It was such a waste of materials though. She could have at least donated the baby basket to a hospital or even an orphanage.
Unfortunately, PLL hasn’t aborted that sorry excuse of a storyline in between the hiatus, so we continue to be saddled with Maggie & Malcolm’s existence.
Aria: It’s really fricking hard when you can’t look at your boyfriend and now your own dad without…
Emily: Without what? Wait, what’s with Ezra?
Aria: I still haven’t told him about…
Emily: …his son. *big sigh*
I love how Emily groaned when she realizes it’s that portion of the episode where we have to discuss Aria’s baby mama drama. You can see her visibly thinking: “oh god, not this shite again. D:”
Imagine how much more fun these scenes would be if Aria was keeping a secret because she’s actually pregnant herself? As it stands now, Aria has *nothing* to do with the child who doesn’t even belong to her, so the fact that she can milk so much drama out of *nothing* is a testament to her self-absorbedness.
When this storyline finally ends (…after they’re finished dragging out the drama for another dozen of episodes), who gets the feeling that the resolution is totally gonna be *shitastic*? The likeliest scenario is that Maggie will be revealed as a big whore and the child isn’t even related to Ezra. However, my ideal fantasy is the writers will find a way to kill off Maggie, so that Ezra becomes a deadbeat single father while Aria has to compete with a seven-year-old child to win her boyfriend’s affections. :D
On the bright side, most of the plot stems from Aria sucking everyone into her drama vortex, so we are kept to a minimum amount of Ezra in this episode. His character was completely worthless to the narrative as usual, although he did give us this lulzy exchange in his one and only scene:
Ezra: *gives Aria a piece of crappy jewellery bought from the dollar store and pretend it’s an important memento*
Aria: I can’t take that! What if I lose it?
Ezra: They’ll have to lose you. *REACTION: ARIA EYES O_O* …that was a joke.
Many a true word is spoken in jest. It has gotten to the point where Ezra is actively wishing that someone will take his needy girlfriend off his hands.
Since Caleb came from a vaguely similar family situation as Ezra’s kid, Aria asks to hear his first-hand experience… in the most insensitive way possible. She goes like: “HEY CALEB, YOU EVER WONDER WHAT YOUR LIFE WOULD BE IF YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY LOVED YOU???” and he was like ;_; Essentially, Caleb tells her that no shit, every kid wants to be with their parents, and keeping them apart is one of the most traumatic things that could happen to a child, so perhaps Aria should stop being such a selfish asshole and go tell Ezra about his secret kid.
His wise words went in one ear and out the other. Aria promptly disregarded his advice and continued stirring in her own self-inflicted agony, why of course.
TOBY ABS VS. JASON PECS
Mona transforms into ~*AMERICA’S SWEETHEART*~ overnight after she faked some crocodile tears and released a video about being bullied in school. Naturally, the social media sheep are like BAHHHH~ so there’s this huge wave of public support where everyone is rallying behind Mona, and suddenly they all think she’s as awesome as a grilled cheese sandwich.
So there’s actually a full version of Mona’s video IRL, floating around the interwebs somewhere. I watched the whole thing and I must say that I WAS NOT IMPRESSED. *clicks the dislike button* Too much weeping, too much whining, and not enough boobs.
I guess Lucas was the one who recorded the video for Mona, so that’s probably why they were whispering earlier in the school hallway. Hanna is *rly suspicious* of him though, especially since the dude is limping around like someone stabbed him with a screwdriver in the Halloween episode. Let’s overlook the fact that Lucas never had problems walking at any point in that episode, because Hanna surely must have done the same.
Hanna: What happened between you and Mona? Does Mona have something on you, Lucas? Did you do something that you really regret? Did someone stab you in that leg on Halloween!?
At this point, it’s an open secret that Lucas has been involved in some deep shady shit, but his mantra is still to DENY, DENY, DENY. After all, they can’t write his character off the show if he’s keeping a dumb secret no matter how obvious it is. Only poor dead Garrett learned that the hard way. =(
By the way, do you remember the lousy storyline from Season 2 where Lucas had an online gambling debt that was explored within the extent of one and a half seconds? Yeah, me neither. Apparently, Lucas still owes some money to Caleb, but it’s interesting that he has the money NOW after Jason just paid a hefty fifty grand to locate his sister’s missing corpse. Looks like Lucas was the winner of the dead body scavenger hunt, amirite?
I’m more interested in finding out why Toby tried to run over Lucas at the beginning of the episode. I thought The A Team was interested in killing the pretty little liars, not each other? Anyway… Spencer still has no idea that she’s dating the most eligible psychopath in town, although I think Toby might be getting annoyed with how frigging paranoid she is.
Spencer: Hey, wanna hear which of my friends’ relatives I am going to accuse of murder next? ;)
Toby: WHY DO YOU OBSESS ABOUT THIS STUFF???
Um yeah, coming from the guy who decorates his evil lair with photographs of the girls that he’s torturing on a daily basis? I think Toby might give Spencer a run for her money in the *obsessiveness* department, jussayin’
~*~*SHIRTLESS TOBY ALERT*~*~
Toby: I think we earned some hot tub!
And then Toby just starts taking his clothes right there on the frigging spot, even though there isn’t a single hot tub in sight. Buddy, you aren’t even within a five-mile radius of a hot tub yet, so maybe keep your clothes on before you catch a cold? But I guess when you have that kind of body, you must think you’re entitled to strip whenever and wherever you feel like it.
LMAO~ Toby is basically whoring out his body and he still couldn’t get his girlfriend’s attention. Well, if there’s one thing that could distract Spencer from gawking at Toby’s abs, it would be Jason’s pecs.
All of a sudden, Spencer finds herself in a compromising position that I’m sure not many people would envy. Standing behind her is Toby’s six-pack abs of steel, while standing in front of her is Jason’s well-defined pecs of perfection. *loins trembling* OMGGGG WHERE IS A GIRL SUPPOSED TO LOOK???
HEY YOU, FOCUS! *snaps fingers* I know it’s tempting to stare at how the left tit is bigger than the right tit, but avert your eyes onto Spencer’s ponytail or something, because we still have to recap the plot!!!
Spencer warns her older brother not to hook up with Mona because she is *evil* and *crazy* (and also *underage* just in case it needs pointing out again). But Jason basically laughs in her face, being like: “lolyeah as if I’m going to let some pushy teenager dictate what I should and should not hit. Thanks but no thanks. Besides, being psycho only adds major points to her appeal, so your argument = invalid.”
Toby and Spencer’s hot tub time lasted all of five seconds since Spencer freaked out over a rustling noise in the woods or something. She was on the verge of a mental breakdown, while he made all sorts of shifty eyes at her. Toby did try to calm her down with a massage, supposedly… but it almost looked like he wanted to choke her to death if she didn’t get out of that hot tub just in time! *eek*
Well, that was verrrry uncomfortable. Watching their romantic scenes from now on is like a huge delightful kick in every Spoby fan’s face. Toby is such a creeper jeeper, oh my gawd!
Spencer visits him again later in the episode, where Jason apparently forgot how to button up a shirt. Those pesky shirts with their complicated buttons, who needs ’em!? Anyway, Spencer says something to the effect of: “I just wanted to say goodnight and also remind you that Mona is a dangerous psychopath who will put you through fifty shades of hell” and then Jason is like *flashes a nipple* “Hope you have plenty of inappropriate material to dream about at night, little sis~ ;)”
GODDAMNIT JASON, JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A LOVELY SHAPED NIPPLE DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO SHOW IT TO EVERYONE IN TOWN. PUT THAT THING AWAY!!! So yeah, Jason basically ignores Spencer’s advice and continues getting intimate with Mona anyway. I show you mah nips, you show me yers?
It turns out there’s actually a valid reason why Jason was hanging out shirtless on his front porch. Mona was tending to his injuries, and as he lifts up his shirt, we see a nasty wound on his hip that resembles closely to a screwdriver mark? I’m making an educated guess here – I’ve never been stabbed with a screwdriver before, I don’t know what one looks like.
Is this a red herring or is this ferreal? Could it be!? Was Jason the one trying to kill Aria last episode? Is this payback for choosing Ezra over him as a love interest? And can you imagine if she had stabbed him a bit lower? We could have seen him lift down his *jeans* instead of his *shirt* in this scene. :O
We love arson!
Surprise guest cameo! Let’s face it, they only brought back Emily’s dad this episode so Spencer can accuse him of murdering Alison later on.
(i.e. “What is HE doing back in Rosewood? I thought he was supposed to be in Afghanistan? *shady Spencer eyes* What if he was never there and the whole military thing was just a ruse to cover up his part in killing Alison? MURDERER!”)
Ditto Hanna’s grandmother.
(i.e. “Why has Grandmama Marin replaced Mama Marin for this episode? Where IS Ashley? *shady Spencer eyes* Did this evil woman dispose of her daughter-in-law the same way that she disposed of Alison’s dead body? MURDERER!”)
Emily’s dad decides to install an alarm system in their house. I am shocked, just shocked, that anyone in Rosewood has heard of a modern invention called an alarm system. What is this alarm thingamig you speak of? A device that protects your home from intruders!? *dismissive hand wave* Sounds like hogwash. It will never catch on!
Emily: You’re putting an alarm on my window?
Wayne: On every window. Your ma wants the best system around. There’s an app where I can turn it on remote from my phone.
Let’s see, there’s an app on your phone that any criminal can easily steal to disable the security in your house. Hmm, this will end well for the Fields family.
Emily was like WTF I AM SO OPPRESSED X-X even though her parents were rightfully concerned about their daughter’s well-being. She ends up stealing her dad’s phone in order to sneak out of the house. Y’know, most teenagers would use this opportunity to go to night clubs, strip clubs, parties, bars, etc. but I love that Emily made all this effort just so she can go back to school again. Lamest delinquent ever?
When Papa Fields catches Emily in the act, he basically calls her the worst daughter ever. And then she starts crying or sobbing or whatever, but you just know this bitch hasn’t learned her lesson and she’ll go right back to being a shady lil’ mofo as soon as next episode.
Emily needs to give her dad a break. Papa Fields is only being vigilant about home security after his daughter got seduced, kidnapped & held at knifepoint by a deranged psychopath. Emily might think her father is being a *hardass*, but compare his behaviour to what Ella and Byron have done for Aria. One of them is absent, the other doesn’t even know where his children are.
Byron: Hi there! I wasn’t even sure anyone was home, it’s so quiet.
Aria: Yeah, Mike went to Wyatt’s to study.
My, my, my. First Chaz, then Gavin, and now Wyatt. Seems like Mike is making his way through the lacrosse team, one teammate at a time. ;D
Ashley’s actress took a sick day for this episode, so Grandmama Marin was the substitute parental figure instead. It’s good to have a familiar face that we don’t see often, though her character didn’t do much except to tell this crazy ass story.
Regina: When your cousin Heshy came back, nobody wanted to touch him with a ten-foot pole. He was always a little off, but in high school, he jumped the tracks. One morning at breakfast, he served his mom and dad two bowls of rusty nails with milk poured over them. And when they refused to eat, he snatched up a fistful and just squeezed until blood came out. They’ve sent him away for four months and he has been fine ever since.
Sounds like someone wasn’t loved as a child? At least Cousin Heshy was more creative than the typical teenager who slits their wrists with razor blades.
Speaking of random people that you never expected to have a recurring role… remember that innkeeper creeper from the last season finale? HE IS BACK. Yeah, now he’s a custodian working at the same high school as the pretty little liars.*wtf downgrade* If you’re wondering what Faux Norman Bates is doing here, I suspect it has to do with lazy writing because the show can’t come up with another plot to put the girls at the Lost Woods Resort, so it’s more convenient to bring his character to the heart of the action instead.
The pretty little liars know a tertiary character wouldn’t be brought back to the show unless he was pivotal to the plot somehow. However, they don’t go straight up to the guy and ask him what’s up. Instead, the girls snoop around and break into his office looking for more plot devices. Ahem, I mean clues.
Emily: *fidgeting with lock* This isn’t working?
Spencer: That’s because it’s a paperclip. You have to use a bobby pin. Come on, have I taught you nothing?
…and then she managed to pick open the lock two seconds later. LIKE A BOSS~~~
For some odd reason, Faux Norman Bates has Alison’s diary in his possession. Hanna suggests they should steal this shit and run, but Emily was *afraid* that stealing the diary would make too much sense and we can’t have too much of that on this show.
Emily: Maybe we should leave it here? If he notices it’s missing, he’ll know it’s one of us!
Hanna: Us!? He doesn’t even know who you are! JUST TAKE IT!
Naturally, Aria takes the worst compromise possible and just rips out a couple of pages. Oh great. Not only do they not have the diary, but they also leave behind a physical evidence trail which defeats the whole purpose of not stealing the book in the first place. Well done, ladies. -_-”
In a flashback, we see that a little sumpin’ sumpin’ happened between Alison and Papa Montgomery, and she had been extorting money from him for a while. From the way they were talking, it doesn’t seem like there had any *sexual history* going on (b/c you know if Alison had slept with him, the conversation would be laced with countless innuendos), so I guess she was just blackmailing him over his affair with Meredith.
Alison: If a student called the dean and told him that Meredith was flipping out because one of her professors wiped his feet on her after he…
Okay, eww, I did NOT need to hear about Papa Montgomery’s sick foot fetish kinks!!! But just so you know, I had him pegged as a toe sucker, he seems like ~the type~.
Byron: You make that call, you will be VERY sorry!
Alison: You’re right. I’ll just start with your wife. *beep-doo-doo-beep*
I’m not saying that Aria’s dad definitely killed Alison, buuuut he sure had a lot of ~*murderous intent*~ when he grabbed her by the wrist and wringed that cell phone out of her hand!
Even Aria is starting to feel dubious about her dad’s innocence, leading to this clumsy interrogation butchered in a way that only Aria can:
Aria: HEY DAD. Did you like Alison???
Aria: You never spent any real time alone with her, did you???
Oh Aria, tactful as always. Why not flat out ask your dad whether he put his sausage inside your friend’s cooker, why dontchya? Papa Montgomery is sweating bullets, but he’s basically like WHO IS THIS ALISON PERSON THAT I KEEP HEARING ABOUT? I AM NOT ACQUAINTED WITH HER AT ALL. OK BYE NOW. *makes emergency exit*
There was some marathon event happening at the school in this episode. The only interesting aspect about it is that Meredith gets trapped inside a storage space and literally *DIAF*. For some confusing reason, a few students were randomly shouting out Mona’s name even though Meredith was the one dying in the fire, but maybe it was just wishful thinking on their part. (i.e. “MONNNNA! PLZ LET IT BE MONA INSIDE THAT FIRE!”)
I guess it wasn’t anything serious though since Meredith got discharged from the hospital on the same night. Aria’s dad immediately accuses his daughter of starting the fire just because he’s a TOTAL DICKWAD, but also because Meredith walked into that storage shed prompted by a note written in girly handwriting.
You’d think the most obvious suspect would be that certified crazy girl who just got released from the nuthouse, but noooo. I mean, just because Aria hates the woman who broke apart her family does not automatically mean that she doused the bitch in gasoline! I can’t believe even *I* have to defend Aria, but her dad is such a seriously shitty human being on every level. Thanks for NOT giving your own daughter the benefit of the doubt, Papa Montgomery!
We end the episode with A rigging a set of bicycle wheels, causing some random nobody to ride off and most likely get struck by ongoing traffic. *lolwtf* Seriously, who the fuck was that guy!? Was he the one who put the cow brains in Mona’s locker? Or is The A Team just targeting people at random now? IS NOBODY SAFE IN ROSEWOOD ANYMORE!?!? O_O