One of my favourite things to do after an episode of Pretty Little Liars is to browse through the fashion blogs to find out exactly how expensive these bitches’ clothes are. Here’s a typical reaction: “The retail price for Aria’s humungous alien dreamcatcher earrings are HOW MANY digits!?!?” So, imagine my surprise when I discover that none of these so-called renowned PLL fashion bloggers mention the best ensemble in the history of the show. Why are none of you talking about these fluffy white robes and those big cucumber slices over the eyes!?

Don’t worry, fashionistas! Recap Everything will pick up the slack and tell you where to find the exact outfit that the pretty little liars wore in this scene! Robe: Head to your bathroom and find one in your laundry basket. Cucumber Slices: Comes free of charge with every salad ordered at Applebee’s. Also purchasable in your nearest supermarket.

Yup, this compulsive lying bitch is at it again! You shan’t be surprised to see Aria lie about everything to everybody, including her friends, her boss, her boyfriend, her other boyfriend, and the police too. After her failed whistleblowing attempt against Alison last episode, it seems like she has given up on being honest and is instead trying to break a world record for telling the MOST UNNECESSARY LIES told in the least believable manner possible. I’ll never understand why Aria insists on lying when she’s so bad at telling dem lies. *lol*

Welcome to a brand new era of Pretty Little Liars! Our girls have finally left the ancient prehistoric times and arrived in a strange apocalyptic future where ABC Family now calls itself Freeform. Can we all agree this is the worst rebranding ever? You’d think at least one of the network executives might realize their new name sounds like the discount brand for some maxi pad. It comes with wings and extra absorption!

Other shiny new stuff in the midseason premiere includes: New mysteries! New characters! New love interests! New jobs! New hairstyles! NEW BANGS ZOMG!!! For all you freeformers out there not used to these freeform changes, rest assured that PLL is still the same ridiculous hot mess that we know and love. Don’t worry, it’s just the same old shit except in a brand new decade!

OMG! GET HYPED! This week, there was a brand new Pretty Little Liars episode titled ‘5 Years Forward’ in lieu of the typical Halloween & Christmas special that they air around this time of year. If you didn’t even know there was a new episode, you haven’t missed much. It contained mostly promos, cast interviews, and behind-the-scenes tidbits that nobody other than the most diehard fans would care about. What to expect: “Which brand of lip gloss does Ashley Benson use while filming the show? Watch this #PLL special to find out!”

HOWEVER, I will write about the two brand new exclusive scenes included in this episode! One of which is a classic *Alison vs. Mona* showdown that must be documented online and analyzed thoroughly. I’m like a historian obliged to record every war and battle out there, except I only write about catfights and petty feuds between bitches.