|As the full moon approaches, Scott falls deeper into his downward spiral of self-destruction.|
|Stiles, Stiles, Stiles. I always knew I enjoyed his presence, but this episode confirmed that he’s my favourite character on the show. I find him way more compelling to watch than Scott. It helps that the talented young actor, Dylan O’Brien, exudes an effortless charisma every time he appears on screen. He also delivers his lines with pitch-perfect comedic timing. Being the best friend sidekick to the lead character is often a thankless role, but Stiles does his best to anchor this show.
In conclusion: all hail Stiles!
|Scott is still moping since Allison broke up with him last episode, so Stiles tries to drown out his best friend’s sorrows with underage drinking yay! Except Stiles is the one who quickly gets hammered, while Scott is still wallowing in his own angst because the heartbreak hurts him sooooo much *boohoohoo*.|
|Drunken Stiles blabbers on about how much he loves CHICKS, NOT DICKS (my prediction: this is totally foreshadowing the scene where he makes out with Danny in a future episode). He especially has his eye on Lydia, whom he has a crush on since the third grade. Too bad she barely acknowledges his existence.|
|Two thugs drop by to harass the teenagers, but Scott doesn’t shy away from the confrontation. We notice something isn’t quite right with our teen protagonist, because he’s acting way more hostile and sullen than usual.|
|In case you didn’t know, Scott McCall takes his liquor very, very seriously.|
|After the school closed down for a week, Scott is still *emo* *angst* *agony* on the day of the return. His mom takes a blind stab at being a good parent, and feigns concern about whatshername.
Mama Scott: Hey, I’ve been through a few break-ups myself, y’know. Disastrous ones, actually.
|Meanwhile, Papa Argent is paranoid about her daughter’s well-being. He doesn’t feel safe letting her roam across school grounds knowing the type of dangers that await Allison. She starts bitching at her dad, until Auntie Kate steps in to mediate the situation.
Chris: What’s your opinion on homeschooling?
|The police force is hot on the trail of a KILLAH named Derek Hale. They even brought in a few special agents for their “expertise”. Stiles is worried about his father’s safety in the investigation, because peripheral characters like Papa Stilinski are usually destined to die on shows like these!|
|Scott is such a loser that he gets cockblocked by his chemistry teacher! He doesn’t get a chance to speak with Allison after what happened at the night school, not that she wants anything to do with him either.|
|OH POOR SCOTT MCCALL. So tragic, so misunderstood! His ex-girlfriend won’t give him the time of the day. He’s a total dumbass failing every class at school. He’s about to turn into a cannibalistic werewolf at the next full moon. He’s suffering so much! The pain never seems to stop! Won’t someone be kind enough to put him out of his misery!?
Scott: *emo* *emo* *emo* GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD. *slashes wrist*
|Look on the bright side, Scott. Even if your life has gone down the shitter, at least you still have a rockin’ bod to comfort yourself every night.|
|Anyway, Scott has a meltdown about how much HIS LIFE SUCKS. He reaches such an extreme that he actually starts hyperventilating! Stiles can empathize with him, because he used to have these panic attacks when his mom died a while ago.
Stiles: You were having a panic attack. Thinking you had an asthma attack actually stopped the panic attack. ~*irony*~ I used to get them after my mom died. Not fun, huh?
|Scott: no1curr about your dead mom, Stiles! NOW FOCUS ON ME INSTEAD. Look! Just look at how the water glistens so poignantly on my biceps, my pecs, and my abs! Just look at how much agony I’m in! Standing under the showerhead means I feel so tortured and so miserable! My life is forever ruined because a teenage girl broke my heart! YOU CAN NEVER RELATE TO MY PAIN AND SUFFERING!!!|
|The hunters are preparing for the full moon, because this is the night where even the Alphas are in a weakened and disoriented state. It’s the best time to hunt down those werewolf bastards.|
|Since Papa Argent and Auntie Kate are such psychopaths, you’d think Allison must have inherited her sweet personality from her mother, right?
WRONG. It turns out that nutjob runs in the family bloodline, because even the mom is like *srsbusiness*: “YOU BETTER KILL HIM AND CUT HIM IN HALF AND RIP OUT HIS HEART AND SLASH HIS THROAT AND STAB HIS EYES AND DRILL HIS ANUS UNTIL IT BLEEDS DRY. *ahem* So, anyone want a freshly baked cookie?”
|Allison and Jackson continue to shamelessly flirt with each other, acting as if he’s not already dating her best friend. However, Jackson reacts quite strangely every time she brings up something remotely associated with werewolves. We still don’t know what’s wrong with those wound marks on his neck.|
|Jackson sucks his thumb *seductively* and is all like LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT I CAN DO WITH MAH THICK JUICY LIPS. And Allison is all like THEN LET ME SHOW OFF MAH LIPS TOO – BOTH OF THEM. And so forth with the blatant sexual tension between them. You catch the drift.|
|Scott’s downward spiral continues. He almost seems to be on the verge of losing his mind, because he repeatedly bangs his head against the brick wall! Be careful, Scott. It’s not like you have a lot of extra brain cells to spare in that hard head of yours.|
|The coach promotes several lacrosse team players to first line on a probationary basis. Stiles gets his hopes up but is quickly disheartened, until he hears the coach butcher his surname to “Bilinski”, which signifies that he made it to first line!|
|AND STILES FREAKS THE FUCK OUT!!!!!
Scott: Hey Stiles…
|In other news, the coach decides to fuck with the players’ heads and switches team captains all of a sudden. Jackson is out and Scott is in. Yep, that’s right, Scott McCall has dethroned the king and is now the captain of the lacrosse team!|
|Jackson throws a hissy fit over losing the team captain title, but his best friend Danny is all like “Yo girlfriend, the truth is Scott’s shit smells better than yours, so suck it up and pull it together man!” And Jackson is like, “Hmph, at least I’m still hotter than him.” But Danny is kinda like, “Well…”|
|Scott isn’t thrilled about his new role in the team, especially since he can sense all the ~*jealousy*~ from other guys. Stiles picks up on this and asks if his best friend can detect sexual desire as well. He’s curious if anyone in this school is attracted to him, particularly with Lydia.
Stiles: Yeah, sexual desire! Lust! Passion! Arrrrrousal!
(I don’t know about Scott’s tingly senses, but my radar says that Stiles has legions of fangurls and fanbois among the Teen Wolf viewership. Count me in!)
|Stiles thinks he convinced his best friend to gauge if Lydia has any sexual attraction towards him. In reality, Scott is like *no1curr* and uses this opportunity to inquire about Allison instead. He wonders if there’s any chance that they can get back together again.|
|The answer is ‘no’, since Allison now sees Scott as an isolated friend at most. Lydia does her best to comfort him though, because she goes BOYFRIEND SWITCHEROO all of a sudden!|
|And then they start making out like rabid dogs, because MTV likes their teenage characters to be all whorish and slutty.|
|Scott lies through his teeth and claims that Lydia’s loins tremble at the sound of Stiles’ name. While Stiles creams himself in gleeful ecstasy, we know for a fact that something is messed up with Scott’s head, because he has a serious case of the *creepyeyes*.|
|Scott’s descent into lunacy is supported by his unnecessary aggression on the lacrosse field. He outright assaults Danny until the goalie is knocked down unconscious!|
|Stiles now picks up that something is wrong with his best friend. Why would he attack Danny when everyone else on the team ~*adore*~ him? As per usual today, Scott dismisses his reckless and uncharacteristic actions with no1curr. What the hell is wrong with Scott McCall!?|
|Jackson takes one glance at Lydia’s smudged lipstick and is like BB, U HAVE WHORE ON YOUR FACE. But then she goes LIKEWISE BB. NEED A MIRROR?|
|Lydia and Jackson remain oblivious to each other’s physical and emotional adultery, respectively. However, Stile quickly puts two and two together, because he quickly deducts that Scott & Lydia must’ve been making out behind everyone’s backs!|
|Allison wants to fend for herself, so she asks Auntie Kate to teach her (taser) gun lessons.|
|Their target? Allison’s teddy bear. WTF those goddamn psychotic Ardents can’t even spare a harmless defenceless teddy bear from their torture games! Must they hunt and kill every animal on sight!?|
|Allison breaks down in tears, not because her entire family consists of sick fucks who derive pleasure from ruthless killings, but she misses Scott oh so very much *boohoohoo*!|
|Kate gives a generic spiel about getting over teenage heartbreak, until her niece mentions there’s a connection between Scott McCall and Derek Hale. That perks Kate’s attention, so she turns to Allison like BITCH TELL ME EVERYTHING, BUT PLZ FAST FORWARD THE LOVEY DOVEY DETAILS.|
|While shopping for archery gear, Allison’s smile brightens when she runs into Jackson at the store. Their flirting resumes exactly where they last left off. It’s only a matter of time before these two will hook up together.|
|BOW CHIKA BOW WOW. But no, even alone in the car, Jackson shows more self-constraint than he appears. He’s genuinely *interested* in talking to Allison instead of taking her clothes off!|
|They share their theories and speculation on what happened at the night school. Allison doesn’t believe Derek was the one chasing after them. Jackson adds that he saw a manbeast creature in the school hallways. The details are still vague between the two of them, but one thing is for certain: Scott McCall lied, and they can’t trust a word he says.|
|WOOHOO IT’S A FULL MOON WEREWOLF PARTY, Y’ALL!!!|
|To restrain him from hurting anyone during this fateful night, Stiles handcuffs Scott and keeps him imprisoned in his own house.|
|The mischievous Stiles couldn’t resist dishing out some feedback, because Scott went behind his back and kissed the ~*girl of his dreams*~. He gives his friend a personalized dog bowl to drink water in it. *lol* Who said Stiles isn’t capable of being a little evil too?|
|Scott uses every trick in the book to escape captivity. First, he provokes Stiles by describing every nasty position that he and Lydia engaged in. Then, he screams and kicks about how much pain his body is in. Afterwards, he feigns an insincere apology regarding his dickish behaviour lately.|
|Stiles doesn’t fall for these cunning ploys, while Scott howls in agony as he transforms into a werewolf under the moonlight.|
|Stiles is keeping guard outside the bedroom, but he doesn’t realize the *silence* until it’s too late. He should have known something was wrong, as soon as he stopped hearing Scott whine about how much his life sucks!|
|It turns out a flimsy pair of handcuffs couldn’t contain Scott in his wolf form – another police force fail. Scott escapes into a nearby parking lot and immediately detects where Allison is.|
|Allison and Jackson are still conversing inside the car, but being an evil emo werewolf skews Scott’s vision, so he imagines seeing something a little *steamier* going on. It’s interesting that the sight of Allison doesn’t soothe Scott like it used to in the past. No more last minute deus ex machina triggered musical montages anymore, I guess?|
|Just when Scott is about to pounce on his ex and his archenemy, guess who arose from the dead? WOOT WOOT, DEREK HALE IS STILL ALIVE AND HE’S BACK BITCHES!
The Resurrection of Derek Hale – A Rebirth Haiku
Welcome back, Derek
But why so serious, dude?
Smiling won’t kill you
|The stunt actors engage in a physical showdown, until Derek kicks major ass and snaps Scott back to his senses.|
|Desperate and disoriented, Scott asks if there’s any cure for his lycanthropy or is he stuck being a teen wolf all his life?|
|Derek tells him about an urban legend, where supposedly the only cure is to kill the Alpha who bit him!|
|I really enjoy Teen Wolf, but the show is driven by clichés and I can usually predict most of the plot developments. So, I was pleasantly surprised when Stiles didn’t run to Scott’s rescue near the end of the episode. Instead, his top priority is to ensure his papa’s safety during the full moon. He’s shocked to see the police retrieve a dead body from the woods, and his dad is nowhere to be seen.|
|PSYCH! It’s just a fake-out. Papa Stilinski is still alive, and Stiles immediately gives his old man a big hug. Call me a sucker, but I thought it was a really sweet moment. Just another reason why Stiles Bilinski is an awesome character.|
|The episode ends when Jackson makes a startling discovery in his car. He finds an unusual piece of fingernail, which matches the claw marks from Scott’s lacrosse gloves a while ago.|
|And Jackson is like OH-EM-GEE, SOMEONE NEED TO BUY SCOTT A BETTER NAIL CLIPPER.|