Season 1, Episode 12 – Code Breaker, Teen Wolf Recap


An epic showdown occurs between the hunters and the werewolves; two do not come out alive.

Welcome to the season finale of Teen Wolf! When I first started writing recaps for this show, I never thought I’d grow this attached to any scripted programming on MTV, especially after the wretched hot mess known as the Skins remake. Now I don’t just enjoy watching the show, but I frickin’ love Teen Wolf.

It won me over with the sharp comedy, the suspenseful thriller elements, the campiness, the wolfliness, and the plethora of hot shirtless guys. And now I’m like NOOOOO, DON’T END THE SEASON YET! I WANT MOAR TEEN WOLF!

Oh no, your girlfriend just found out that you are secretly a werewolf! What should you do!? Crawl up into a ball in the corner of the room and cry for the entire first half of the finale? Okay, good plan Scott, you do just that!

Cue the overemotional musical montage with clips from last week’s episode and the melodramatic song BLASTING AT FULL VOLUME. CAN YOU HEAR HOW MUCH THESE TWO STAR-CROSSED LOVERS ARE SUFFERING? *cranks up volume notch* CAN YOU HEAR THEM NOW!?

Papa Argent is pissed off that his daughter found out about the werewolves, no thanks to Kate’s meddling. He’s like I’M GONNA BREAK SOME PLATES FOR STRESS RELIEF. And then five seconds later, he’s immediately on the floor cleaning up the broken pieces lol. Okay, whatever rocks his boat I guess…

Allison, you in danja gurl! Her parents are like, “We got fed up looking after our own daughter”, so they decide to send her away to a Washington safe house for protection.

We haven’t seen much of Mama Argent on the show so far, but this bitch is all kinds of ~*intense*~. Between her hellfire red butch haircut and that permanent scowl, she doesn’t look like someone with a single maternal bone in her body. I’m automatically intrigued by anybody who wears short-sleeved turtlenecks accessorized by that…thingamajig…around her neck. WHAT IS HER STORY, TEEN WOLF? I MUST KNOW.

HOLY BLOODY HELL!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO LYDIA!?!?!?<

Oh jk. They only included that scary shot to mislead you during last week’s previews. Lydia is actually fine, and even looks quite *glam* lying in her hospital bed. WERQ that life support system, gurl!

Seeing Lydia in her comatose state strengthens Allison’s resolve that all werewolves are dangerous, and that even includes Scott. There’s only one way to protect against a werewolf attack: you have to fight back.

Not yet caught up on the teenage romance scoop around town, Sheriff Stilinski accuses Jackson of leaving his date alone at the prom, but he’s like “Actually your son is the one tapping dat ass.”

By the way, is getting manhandled by another dude the default position for Jackson? This is the fourth time it has happened to him already. He’s like the town’s ketchup bottle. Everyone gets a squeeze~~~

Meanwhile, Peter bullies Stiles into identifying the whereabouts of…

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…the whereabouts of Derek Hale using GPS coordinates.

(Well, thank god for that seamless and totally unobtrusive product placement, Teen Wolf!)

There’s a funny moment in the show when Peter realizes the ease of hacking into Scott’s phone account.

Peter: His username is Allison? His password is also Allison?
Stiles: Still want him in your pack?

*cue simultaneous eye roll and groan*

I love that even the show pokes fun at Scott’s extreme obsession with his girlfriend. He’s not just in love with her; he’s *addicted* to Allison Argent.

Peter reveals that it was by pure chance Scott got bitten in the first episode. He was just looking for some random person to add to his pack that night, and Scott was stupid enough to be at the wrong place during the wrong time.

Now, he offers Stiles the opportunity to turn into a werewolf too. Let’s face it: Scott might be the protagonist, but Stiles is pretty much the entire show anyway. He should just take over as the titular character.

Peter: Would you like a bite?
Stiles: nothx. I’m perfectly happy being the lovable and harmless sidekick for this show! :-D
Peter: You might not admit it to yourself, but I can hear the sound of your heartbeat skipping faster. I know you have a deep dark desire for more ~power~!
Stiles: O, NO WAI.
Peter: O, YA WAI.

IT’S TIME FOR A SHIRTLESS DEREK HALE UPDATE!!! *sexy smouldering expression*

(Can you believe they have him tied up in this position for three consecutive episodes? Another reason why Teen Wolf is an awesome show.)

OKAY HIS SIX PACK IS STILL THERE! HIS BELLYBUTTON IS STILL FLAWLESS. GOOD TO KNOW! THANKS FOR THIS VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE ON DEREK’S ABS.

Papa Argent wants to find the alpha and kill it. But first, he needs to find Scott to identify the alpha’s identity. But before that, he has to find Scott’s friends to track down his exact whereabouts. But even prior to this, he must find a mirror so he can practise smiling like a creepy motherfucker!

Stiles: Where’s Scott? We haven’t seen him since the dance! Isn’t that right, Jackson?
Jackson: *whimpers* *teary eyes* *bites nails* I…I…I DON’T KNOW NUFFIN.
Stiles: Oh for fuck’s sake. -_-“

Look, I’m not implying that there has to be a sexually suggestive element when a grown man gets physical with two teenage boys as an intimidation tactic. I’m sure there’s a very innocent reason why Jackson and Stiles are bent over in that position. But you have to admit, it is a little ~convenient~ that Papa Argent picked a room with a big inflatable bed, right?

Nobody on this show can give a better porno face than Colton Haynes. I see that he already pulled out his classic “My private parts are eagerly waiting to be violated again and again, sir!!!” expression. What a shame that he got into acting instead of gay pornography.

Scott finally stopped feeling sorry for himself long enough to do something proactive. He needs help to kill the Alpha, so Scott decides to track down Derek’s location with a citywide wolf call!

Derek: YOU WANT ME TO RISK MY LIFE FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND!? YOUR STUPID LITTLE TEENAGE CRUSH MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO ME. YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH HER. YOU’RE SIXTEEN. YOU BARELY EVEN KNOW HOW YOUR PENIS WORKS. YOUR FEELINGS FOR HER ARE NOT REAL. IN FACT, THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER IS GROSSOME. FAKER THAN FAKE. BOREMANCE OF THE CENTURY. FURTHERMORE, YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A WHORE. *catches breath* oh btw, help me get out of these shackles, Scott, kthx.

According to Scott, there is a reason for Derek to kill Peter Hale. He thinks Derek’s sister was intentionally brought to this town, so that Peter can kill her and become the new Alpha! How scandalous! Then again, this deduction is coming from Scott “I’m Failing Three Classes” McCall, so I’m not sure he is the most reliable source for detective work.

By the way, it turns out that Derek can actually break out of these handcuffs with his sheer force…which begs the question why he waited until now to go free. Did he secretly enjoy being tortured and molested by Kate in her torture dungeon?

Stiles plants a seed in Papa Argent’s head that Kate might be the one who set the Hale house on fire. Chris claims that all werewolf hunters must oblige to a strict ethical code, but even he doubts whether his own crazy sister would follow protocol…

There he goes again, with his bizarre obsession to molest teenage boys’ necks. Is this going to be a ~recurring thing~ with you, Chris Argent?

Derek: Wow. Almost an entire minute passed by without me getting shot, captured, hunted, clawed, or injured in some capacity. This almost seems too eas-

*promptly shot by a sea of arrows*

How many of Derek Hale’s nine lives have we used up now? It’s a wonder that he still managed to stay alive after encountering so many near-death experiences.

Psycho Kate finally passed on her crazy genes to her niece, because Allison is now practising target lessons on Derek and Scott!

Allison: Sooo…I’m supposed to *capture* you, Scott, because you’re a big bad werewolf. It definitely has nothing to do with the stories that my aunt told me after they tied up Derek Hale and did really naughty kinky things to him. I’m certainly not looking forward to that part of your capture at all.

Unfortunately, Kate seems to have other plans for the werewolves. First she shoots Derek, who STILL manages to survive after being weakened by days of torturing, as well as two arrows and a bullet wound. Despite Allison’s protest, Kate points her gun at Scott’s direction next…

And then BAM!!! Peter Hale makes a fashionably late entrance as he knocks down bitches and then breaks Kate’s hand like a chopstick!

From one psycho to another, Peter promises to spare Kate’s life if she apologizes for killing his entire family in the fire six years ago.

Peter: Apologize. Say that you’re sorry for decimating my family. For leaving me burned and broken for six years. Say it.

Kate barely squeaks out the words before he rips her fucking throat out anyway!!! OH MOTHERFUCKER. KATE ARGENT IS DEAD DEAD DEAD.

The Death of Kate Argent – A Eulogy Haiku
Psycho Kate is dead
Would still be alive if she
Was not such a bitch

Goodbye Kate Argent. I will miss your psychotic personality, your sexually inappropriate comments to minors, and your killer rack.

And then Peter Hale is like TRANSFORMERS, MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE~~~ as his body begins to morph erratically! He’s turning into his full wolf form!

Scott tries to protect Allison, but he is no match for the Alpha’s strength and gets his scrawny beta ass handed to him!

Oh look, the whole gang is here! At first, I thought to myself that Stiles and Jackson were entering a death trap by showing up. I was like OMG they’re going to end up as easy prey for the Alpha…

But I must’ve underestimated Stiles’ ingenuity because he came to the fight prepared! Remember Lydia’s firebomb weapon that never exploded in Episode 7?

Well, Stiles made sure they put in the right chemicals this time, because THEY SET THE ALPHA WOLF ON FUCKING FIYAH!

The more I think about it, the more I feel like this firebomb is such a cruel weapon to finish Peter Hale. He barely escaped the house fire that killed his whole family, which put him through so much anguish, only to end up getting burned alive again! It’s not only ironic, but I actually feel a little empathetic for his traumatic end. It must be awful to die while reliving the family tragedy that haunted him every day for the past six years.

Scott wants to be the one to kill the alpha because of an urban legend where he can reverse the werewolf curse. But Derek is determined to avenge his sister’s death, so he refuses to relinquish the power and delivers the finishing blow on Peter Hale’s life.

The Death of Peter Hale – A Eulogy Haiku
A cruel way to die
Twice too many times
For the man who was on fire

Goodbye Peter Hale. You made a formidable big bad for the first season of Teen Wolf. Just for the record, I was rooting for you to kill Scott McCall.

Now that Peter is dead, Derek is like I CAN HAZ RED CONTACTZ NAO because he now takes over as the new Alpha wolf!

OH SHIT SON, IT IS ON!!! SEASON TWO OF TEEN WOLF IS GONNA BE ROCK SO MUCH KICKASS AND IT HASN’T EVEN BEGUN YET.

*lol* at the obvious alteration of Scott’s werewolf aesthetic. I guess they made his make-up look prettier so that Allison wouldn’t be kissing a hideous beast in this scene.

Well, this kiss is a strangely inappropriate reaction while your aunt’s dead corpse lies on the other side of the house, but whatever makes you feel better Allison!

This picture here has no relevance to the plot, but I can’t resist including a screenshot where the MTV logo nearly censors a character’s scrotum and/or anus.

Scott and Stiles inspect Lydia’s wound, which hasn’t healed yet, thus signifying that she isn’t a werewolf…or whatever she is supposed to be. By the way, does it bother anyone that these two guys are lifting up an unconscious girl’s hospital gown? Scott is trying to be as polite as possible, but Stiles is outright gawking at Lydia’s body with unwholesome thoughts running rampantly in his head. He can’t be rejected if she can’t say no! D:

The tabloids have a field day painting Kate Argent as a psychotic arsonist bitch, because let’s face it, if you were a journalist, that’s the angle you would’ve written her too. The whole story occupies almost the entire first page. Take that, South American drug dealers!

Chris calls bullshit on the news story because he knows his sister wasn’t the one who started the fire. Nonetheless, Papa Argent believes their whole family will be treated as social pariahs around town from now on, while Mama Argent is like “Look at me! Just look at my mutating sweater collar! Have you met any woman who looks as *glam* as I do standing in my own kitchen?”

Most people walk up and down a staircase, but Derek uses his to show off his ~*flying*~ skills.

Jackson: Oh Derek! I wanna be a werewolf! *whiny* Turn me into a werewolf now! Ravish me with your pearly whites. Bend me over and take a big bite out of my shiny apple bottom, I don’t care! I’ll even throw in a blowjob for free. I’ll do ANYTHING. Just turn me into a wolf now!

WARNING: Every time Derek Hale smiles, an angel from heaven gets skinned, mutilated, choked, and shot. Also, watching his smile for too long might cause your soul to die a little.

Oh Jackson, you silly insecure man-child. Be careful what you wish for. If you just needed a way to feel better about yourself, you should’ve stuck with sprouting out expensive brand names and putting on more hair products like you usually do.

Derek: So Jackson, how many inches of your dick do you think my fangs can cut off on the first bite?

That’s a wrap for the first season of Teen Wolf! That was an A+ finale as expected. What an awesome series this turned out to be. I’m definitely back for a kickass sophomore season. Thanks for reading my Teen Wolf recaps, everyone!


16 Responses

  1. Default avatar Anonymous August 18, 2011 /

    OH MY GOD! THAT IS HILARIOUS!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDD AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Default avatar Anonymous August 18, 2011 /

    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

    Derek: YOU WANT ME TO RISK MY LIFE FOR YOUR GIRLFRIEND!? YOUR STUPID LITTLE TEENAGE CRUSH MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO ME. YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH HER. YOU'RE SIXTEEN. YOU BARELY EVEN KNOW HOW YOUR PENIS WORKS. YOUR FEELINGS FOR HER ARE NOT REAL. IN FACT, THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER IS GROSSOME. FAKER THAN FAKE. BOREMANCE OF THE CENTURY. FURTHERMORE, YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A WHORE. *catches breath* oh btw, help me get out of these shackles, Scott, kthx.
    That has got to be the best thing i have ever read!

  3. Default avatar Anonymous August 18, 2011 /

    Derek: Wow. Almost an entire minute passed by without me getting shot, captured, hunted, clawed, or injured in some capacity. This almost seems too eas-
    *promptly shot by a sea of arrows*

    How many of Derek Hale's nine lives have we used up now? It's a wonder that he still managed to stay alive after encountering so many near-death experiences.
    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Default avatar Anonymous August 18, 2011 /

    Holla derek hahahahahahahaha k t.. :D

  5. Default avatar Linda D' Great August 18, 2011 /

    love it.. do it more please… y dont u try… vampire diaries? :) thanks btw-hilarious…!!!!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4, 2012 /

      Come this September, I'm very likely going to recap The Vampire Diaries and also The Secret Circle (that new CW show about witches), so hopefully that covers the supernatural front for a while!

  6. Default avatar Charlotte August 18, 2011 /

    EVERYTHING you said about Mama Argent is hilarious. I've about peed myself (TMI, I know).
    Everything about your recaps is awesome, and I cannot wait for season 2 and the recaps to follow. Excellent work. The hilarity is there and is kicking like a mofo.

    Peter: His username is Allison? His password is also Allison?
    Stiles: Still want him in your pack?

    ^^ Loved it. :)
    Peter Hale was an excellent bad guy. I too, felt bad for him as he became a hairy inferno.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4, 2012 /

      I'm so ~intrigued~ by Mama Argent's character! There's this mystique about her because she was used so sparingly on the show, and her bizarre fashion choices never cease to amuse.

      That quote was awesome, because I thought the finale was getting a little too serious up until that point, and then I just lost it when this quote happened. I definitely felt more sentimental towards Peter's death than Kate's, which I reacted with a “good riddance, psycho bitch”.

  7. Default avatar Lan Avis August 18, 2011 /

    I'm sad Peter's gone, too. I know he was a murderer and obviously a bit insane, but unlike another psycho (Kate) he actually had a reason to be insane and murderous! And defeating him by fire was just too sad for me. He deserved better. Also, am I the only one who got homoerotic vibes from Peter and Stiles' interactions? Like when Peter slammed Stiles down onto the laptop and lifted Stiles up by his chin and reached out to (seductively) take a love-bite out of Stiles' arm. And yes Colton Haynes would've been PERFECT for gay porn. Thanks to Teen Wolf, The Gates (a show where he played a werewolf), and the gay photos he took for XY magazine (now defunct), I can now rather easily imagine it.

    P.S. Derek/Jackson (Derek just knows how to treat submissive boy!Jackson, doesn't he?) is now my fave pairing after Derek/Stiles!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4, 2012 /

      I can't pair up Stiles with anyone else on the show except for Derek, though there's an epic Derek/Jackson/Stiles love triangle happening in my imagination right now.

      Colton Haynes is actually the reason why I started watching Teen Wolf. I liked him enough on The Gates (there was an ~ambiguously gay~ werewolf on that show too, if I recall correctly), so I decided to tune in a similarly themed show on MTV…and the rest is history. He does have that *vibe* which makes him so appealing, I guess.

  8. Default avatar Lan Avis August 20, 2011 /

    True, Stiles is kind of a one pairing man. Also, the ambi!gay werewolf your talking about is Lukas. He was always a bit too obsessed with getting Colton's character to stop seeing his girlfriend and hang out with him more.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4, 2012 /

      Yes, Lukas! In addition to his lifelong quest to break up the Werewolf/Succubus couple, I also remember the he had a tendency to get ~up, close, and personal~ whenever he has a conversation with the other male characters. *lol* When there's some downtime in early September, I might take a stroll down memory lane and write a recap for an episode of The Gates.

  9. Default avatar Charlotte August 20, 2011 /

    OH, btdubs RE- is there a date for the release of the TeenWolf character guide?

    I'm definitely looking forward to it.

    Assuming you still plan to do one.

    That is all. :)

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4, 2012 /

      I will post the character guide for this Tuesday/Wednesday, in lieu of the regular Teen Wolf episode recap…but it might be the last piece of content I write about Teen Wolf for a while. :(

  10. Custom avatar TERRYPETERS February 25, 2013 /

    Thats wow n xo hilarious

  11. Custom avatar Ricardo September 21, 2014 /

    If you wish for to get a good deal from this article then you have to
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