Daphne climbs into Emmett’s tent and pretends that’s not like creepy stalker behaviour at all; Bay’s family reunion falls flat.
|Here’s a mini recap about Switched at Birth, which I am still watching, even though it seems like that all Bay and Daphne do these days is WHINE, WHINE, WHINE.
First, Bay whines about how she doesn’t get to see her birth father without parental supervision, while Daphne whines about how that douchebag abandoned her as a child. Then, Bay whines over how much Daphne is whining, and Daphne whines that Bay gets to whine more than she does. In a few scenes, they mix it up a little and whine about whom Emmett loves more instead.
|I never noticed how much these two bitches whined before, but they do it A LOT. Okay, we get it, being switched at birth is tough shit. It’s kinda exhausting to watch both of them whine incessantly about how much their lives suck, and yadda yadda. This show is fast turning into one never-ending bitchfest~|
|In this episode, Regina agrees to chaperone Bay on a dinner date with Angelo, which gives her other daughter plenty to whine about. Daphne doesn’t understand why her mom changed her tune all of a sudden, especially after twelve years of demonizing Angelo as the deadbeat father who walked out on his deaf daughter.|
|Daphne: WTF!? YOU TOLD ME THAT HE WAS A JERKFACE.
Regina: Well yes… but in my defence, I forgot how really, really, really hot he was.
|Regina had probably hoped that her ex-husband would turn balder, fatter, and uglier twelve years later. However, Angelo looks the exact opposite of that description. I guess it’s a lot easier to take care of your beauty regime when you don’t have to worry about raising your family for the past decade.|
|Since Bay’s quest to find her birth parents kicked off this entire series, she feels delighted that her family is reunited at last. Their first dinner together starts off well, as Angelo quickly reveals himself as one ~*smooth*~ operator.
Angelo: Your mom was stunning back then.
|Lordy, if Bay wasn’t there, I reckon Regina would have dropped her panties so fast and totally be willing to let Angelo spread her over the buffet table~|
|Unfortunately, the family dinner goes downhill really fast, especially after Angelo orders a drink in front of the recovering alcoholic. This brings back a lot of bitter memories between the formerly married couple.
Angelo: Remember when you used to be a drunken floozy?
|There’s a nurse who claims the hospital overworked the staff, and their fatigue led to the baby swap. Kathryn believes the story, though I’m a bit more sceptical. Sure, the nurse seems to know very intimate details about the Kennish family, but this kind of info can be collected through extensive detective work and gleaming through past medical records too. I dunno, the cynic in me just thinks the nurse is full of shit and her testimony is a bunch of ~BALONEY~.|
|So, the boys get to perform their shitty music to a bunch of drunken people, although the band had to rename itself as “Free Booze” to draw a larger audience turnout. Shame on them for false advertising! It’s almost as bad as me calling this blog “Recap Everything” but ends up writing a condensed episode summary that barely covers the important plot points.|
|WHO IS THIS TOBY KENNISH IMPOSTOR??? The biggest mystery is how Toby suddenly SWITCHED HAIR COLOURS in between the episodes, even though there is supposed to be a continual timeline. I know several months have passed in real-life since they filmed these two episodes, but a little continuity would be appreciated.
Did ABC Family run out of money in their styling budget to afford hair dye for the actor? We don’t even get a half-assed throwaway line to explain this abrupt change. Therefore, my speculative theory is that Toby’s hair went through metamorphosis due to too much exposure from the sun~
|We are introduced to a new character named Simone, who speaks in this distinctly deep and raspy voice, almost like she smokes several cartons of cigarettes every day. Her character is an old frenemy of Bay’s, a new buddy for Daphne, and maybe a future love interest for Toby, so she’s kinda like a three-in-one package deal.
I’m glad they added another teenage female character in the mix, but I’ll be reserving my bitchy judgment on Simone until we see her in full action.
|Gurrrrl, what…what are you doing!? WTFFFF O_o
Has Daphne lost her mind? Why else did she think it was appropriate to climb into Emmett’s tent, snuggle next to him, and spend the night there together???
|Look, there’re platonic friends, and then there’re creepy bunny boiler stalker friends who watch a guy sleep while counting every freckle on his face. You should never watch someone sleep unless: a.) it’s your child, b.) it’s somebody on a death bed, and c.) you’re sleeping next to fucking Gilles Marini, in that case stare away.|
|Emmett: Wait, so you drove out here and just climbed in? That I wake up and you’re sharing my pillow?
IKR? It sounds even more batshit crazy when you put it like that. Next thing you know, they’d be sharing toothbrushes, eating utensils, and ice cream cones. And then she’d be watching him in the shower, on the toilet, and through the scrapbook albums of her precious Emmett photograph collection. (The last part also applies to many Emmett fangirls on the Internet.)
|They need to invent a new subcategory to classify Emmett and Daphne’s unusual relationship – friends with tent benefits.|
|Toby sees his sister leaving the tent that belongs to his other sister’s boyfriend, which immediately gives him the wrong idea. Daphne gets pissed off at the accusation, stating that she’s not “the type of girl who would sleep with someone else’s boyfriend”.
Um…not to get too hung up on the details, but technically she kinda did. That is unless she stayed awake for the whole night and just watched Emmett sleep? Either way, I’m like ohhh gurrrrl~ O_o
|And Emmett basically responds by signing: “SUP BITCH. *cigarette in between fingers motion* HOLLA IF YOU’RE A BALLA~~~”|
|“HEY DAPHNE, LOOK AT ME!!! GUESS WHAT I’M MACKING ON!?”|
|*seething with venomous rage*|
|“HEY DAPHNE, LOOK AT ME! GUESS WHO I’M SEXTING WITH!?”|
|*signing a bajillion curse words at you inside my head*|
|“HEY DAPHNE, LOOK AT ME! GUESS WHAT MY BOYFRIEND IS SAYING TO ME!? No really…I am guessing. I don’t really know what he’s trying to say. Interpret for us please.”|
|We see that Bay and Emmett are still navigating some hearing/deaf issues early in their relationship. The two of them experience a communication barrier in this episode, because she was ordering food for him and he got upset about that.
Emmett: Pointing and texting and gesturing…it’s how I connect to the world. That guy had to stop and figure out how to engage with me without talking…so what? He’ll survive. If he’s uncomfortable with me, that’s his problem. But most people aren’t. They figure it out. I’m different. It’s okay. :-)
|Daphne’s character launches into an epic bitchfest, whining non-stop about how much her life sucks because of Bay. Her self-indulgent whining goes on FOREVER, as she whines about anything and everything under the sun. Bay sucks! Angelo sucks! Her parents suck! Emmett sucks! Life sucks! Being deaf sucks! Being switched at birth sucks! ABC Family sucks! Everything just sux, sux, sux!
Eventually, Wilke had to push her into water just to get Daphne to shut the fuck up!
|Wilke is like “Thanks for sitting through five minutes of Daphne’s insufferable whining, so here’s a shirtless scene as your reward!”|