|Bay finally meets her birth father; Daphne finds out about Emmett and Bay’s relationship.
|Welcome to the first season finale of Switched at Birth! ABC Family ordered a gazillion more episodes after its ratings success, so this show is definitely here for the long haul. I’m glad it got renewed because this shit is COMPELLING to watch~~~
Last week, Daphne suddenly realized that she has romantic feelings for Emmett, her best friend of eight years. But he’s like *toolatebitch* because Emmett has already been dating Bay for the past few weeks.
|Unfortunately, Daphne finds out about their relationship after looking at his creepy stalker shrine of Bay photographs. Despite the romantic sentiment, it doesn’t ease out the weirdness of this photo wall. Next thing you know, he’s gonna have a shrine dedicated to collecting Bay’s skin particles, I’m just sayin’.|
|Emmett is like, “BAY AND I ARE THE SHOW’S OTP. BEMETT IS WHERE IT’S AT. DON’T DENY IT. DON’T FIGHT IT. DON’T EVEN TRY TO RESIST IT.”|
|Daphne is like *no*, which roughly translates to “And by no, I mean how DARE you have a romantic life that doesn’t involve me in some way!? Just because it took me eight years to realize that I have feelings for you, that doesn’t give you the license to hook up with other chicks! So fuck you, Emmett. Fuck you dead.”|
|And Emmett is like, “HATERS GONNA HATE. I CAN’T HELP IT THAT I’M SUCH A STUD. DEAL WITH IT~~~”|
|Daphne is like, “This is one of those scenarios where the girl realizes that she’s totally in the wrong, but she’ll still blame the guy and get angry at him just because she can. So there!!! *bitchface*”|
|At her school art gallery show, Bay cozies up to a handsome stranger who is admiring her artwork.
Bay: Sooo…I totes recognize you, mister. You’re the Sex and the City guy whose claim to fame is flashing your donkey dong during a shower scene.
|This guy is like *drops bombshell* HELLO MY NAME IS ANGELO SORRENTO AND I AM YOUR FATHER. Well, somebody certainly knows how to make a memorable introduction!|
|Since the show just got renewed for 22 more episodes and the show needs ~*new storylines*~, Regina suddenly decides she’s fed up with being a BEAUTY SALON SLAVE WORKER and she’ll start her own rival business instead!|
|But the bank guy is like, “Sorry miss, but freeloading on your daughter’s birth father is not considered a mean of sustainable income. Why don’t you find yourself a REAL sugar daddy and then we’ll talk about your loan proposal, okay?”|
|Elsewhere, Kathryn suddenly experiences a bout of existential crisis, midlife crisis, and menopause crisis. She needs a new storyline for next season too, but the writers haven’t quite figured out what to do with her character yet, hence her current ~*dilemma*~.|
|John doesn’t understand why Kathryn would aspire to be anything more than a *glam* trophy wife of a rich powerful businessman, but to each her own.|
|Can I just say that I lurve Austin Butler in this role, and not just because he appears in a wet t-shirt later in the episode? Some of the lines for his character are sooooo cheesy & cringeworthy, but he manages to be charming all the same. I like him here better than I did on Life Unexpected. He knows how to play the ‘privilged pretty boy’ part perfectly.|
|Anyway, Toby and Wilke are asked to perform a gig at some concert, but there’s some contrived reason about needing Emmett as part of their band. Unfortunately for them, Emmett ain’t comfortable being the show pony for a pair of rich bitches, so he declines the offer.|
|Bay takes a keen interest in learning about her father’s family, culture, and ethnic background. Angelo even offers to take her to meet her grandparents in Paris.
It’s strange that Bay is so curious about her birth father’s parentage, considering she never expressed this level of curiosity about her birth mother. Bay has been living with Regina & Adriana for the past ten episodes, yet she barely even had a meaningful conversation with either of them. Other than the fact that she’s Pueto Rican, what does Bay really know about her mother’s side of the family?
|Angelo’s reappearance was always going to cause animosity no matter what the circumstances are, but let’s just say he didn’t win any favours with his awkward introduction to the Kennish parents. He goes *drops bombshell* HELLO MY NAME IS ANGELO SORRENTO AND I AM NOT HERE TO KIDNAP YOUR DAUGHTER.|
|Predictably, John and Kathryn freak the fuck out that Angelo didn’t go through the ~*proper channels*~ to meet Bay. John is particularly hostile towards the guy, because he blames Angelo for walking out on Daphne when she was a child.|
|Daphne walks in and goes, “Hey guys! What’s going on?” And Angelo is like *drops bombshell* HELLO MY NAME IS ANGELO SORRENTO AND I DIDN’T WANNA BE YOUR FATHER TWELVE YEARS AGO…and to be honest I still don’t want to be your father, but I’ll lie and pretend that I do for Bay’s sake.|
|Daphne is upset because it kinda seems like the show is piling shit on her just to ramp up the season finale drama!|
|Bay is upset too, but only because she’s a self-absorbed twat with little regard to anybody else’s feelings. She gives this hilariously self-unaware line that only her character can pull off:
Bay: Mom, this isn’t about you! It’s about me!
Uh Bay, when has it ever not been about you? Hell, this entire show revolves around you! Get over yoself, girlfriend!
|This finale features a wet t-shirt contest disguised as a charity carwash, which also gives Wilke an excuse to show off his abs. HEYHEY~
Here’s my mini rant on car washes: NOT SEXY. Remember that Paris Hilton commercial where she washes a car in her swimsuit…while eating a hamburger? Ridiculous, but still not sexy. Whenever I wash my car, eroticism is the last thing on my mind. In fact, washing cars is a tedious process that’s also damn exhausting. I always *lmao* whenever pop culture tries to sexualize car washes, because c’mon!
|Emmett doesn’t understand why Daphne is all up his grill just because he’s macking on her alternative life sister. Daphne admits that she might be ~falling in love~ with him…|
|…but Emmett doesn’t even let her finish the love confession, because he’s about to fucking lose it!
Emmett: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME, SISTAH. I’ve been waiting for you for eight years. Eight fucking years! Those are eight years that I could’ve used to date chicks left and right, yet you’re only telling me this now!? Look, I always just thought you were a lesbian and I’ll get over my unrequited crush, but…this? This is messed up of the highest order!
|And then we have this EPIC argument between Emmett and Daphne where they both sign simultaneously! It was pretty awesome to see the two-sided captioning flash at a rapid-fire pace.|
|All of a sudden, Daphne and Emmett start kissing each other because that’s how most arguments conclude!!! *lolwtf* Instead of pulling away, and Emmett even decides to slip in a little tongue action!|
|Emmett goes all: “I’m with Bay because she’s the better kisser. Have fun pining for me over the next eight years. See how you like it then.”|
|Daphne is like: “Did you seriously just slip your tongue down my throat and then reject me five seconds later?” And Emmett is like: “You’re not the only one who can play mind games, bitch.”|
|As if it wasn’t enough that he broke one girl’s heart today, Emmett strives to go for two in a row! He wants to end his relationship with Bay because their cultures are just ~*too different*~.|
|Emmett: I’m tired of reading lips and only catching 30% of what people are saying but pretending I get more. I don’t want to be working all the time. I can only be myself with people who speak my language. And even if you learn, your friends are hearing, your family is hearing. And I will always be lost, wondering what the joke is. Or worse, you’ll be stuck interpreting for me, speaking for me. And that is not me. That will never be me.|
|Wilke finds a way to cheer up Daphne with his silly antics, and she finally smiles for the first time in this episode.
Wilke: Screw Bemmett. How would you like to be the new power couple on this show with a slice of me?
|And Daphne is like TEEHEEHEE, WILKE U R SO FUNNEH. *moists pants* EMMETT WHO???|
|Angelo is not finished surprising every character on the show yet, as he reunites with his ex-wife Regina: HELLO MY NAME IS ANGELO SORRENTO AND I AM THE MAN WHO MADE YOU A SINGLE MOTHER FOR THE PAST TWELVE YEARS.|
|Despite their long complicated history with each other, Regina and Angelo seem to be reconciling near the end of the episode. He promises to take the title of ‘most hated character on the show’ away from Regina, as long as she helps him be part of Bay’s life again.|
|Meanwhile, Kathryn pretends to be one of the Desperate Housewives and spies on her neighbour’s love life with a disapproving expression.|
|Angelo has a written testimony from one of the hospital employees, who claims the nurses were overworked and understaffed. This valuable information could help John’s lawsuit against the hospital, provided that he lets Angelo share a stake in the profits.|
|The lawyer is like OH SHIT. MY LAW FIRM DIDN’T DO THE RESEARCH. But she tries to cover up the negilgence by pointing out that Angelo could be lying about the testimony, and he could seriously hinder their credibility. That’s something John and Kathryn should consider before they team up with Angelo in the lawsuit. How much do they know about this shady character who abandoned his family 12 years ago?|
|Emmett apologizes to Bay for what he said earlier, especially since the show needs a speedy resolution to the Bemmett drama before the episode ends.
Emmett: I’ve never been comfortable around hearing people. I haven’t been around them much. But with you, it was different. From the beginning, you weren’t hearing, or deaf, you were just Bay. The truth is, it would be easier, if I could just go find a deaf Bay. But I don’t want a deaf Bay.
|Emmett: I. JUST. WANT. YOU.
He actually speaks the dialogue out loud, which marks the first time that we hear Emmett’s voice on the show and it was kind of epic.
|Naturally, Bay is like *instant weak knees* as soon as her boyfriend spoke the words out loud. Because this shows how Emmett is willing to leave his comfort zone for the sake of their relationship. SO ROMANTIC! SO NOBLE! SO BEMMETT!|
|Emmett has a sly smile here, because the boy knows exactly what he’s doing. Oh he might put on an innocent face and say all the right things, but you just know this was totally his get-out-of-jail-free card. His speaking voice was the secret trump card in his pocket all along, which he withheld from using, in case he needs to win back Bay’s affections like right now.
All I can say is…well-played, Emmett!
|So yeah, Emmett and Bay are back on smooching terms again…|
|…and they kiss right in front of Daphne, because rubbing salt onto people’s wounds really turns them on!|
|Remember at the beginning of Switched at Birth, the show portrayed Daphne as this PERFECT HUMAN BEING who can do no wrong. She was kind, compassionate, optimistic, and cheerful. And it seems like every time St. Daphne overcomes a hardship, a heavenly angel earns its halo.|
|Also, remember how Bay was portrayed as this spoiled rich bitch who whines about her privileged life? She was moody, sarcastic, hostile, and even downright unlikable. You just wanted to shake the bitch and tell her to be more grateful towards her good fortunes.|
|As the season progresses, you realize that Bay chick might be a little annoying at times, but she’s actually not too bad. In contrast, you feel like Daphne has a massive stick up her butt, and she kinda comes across as a self-righteous bitch.
At least that’s how I feel about their character development / character deterioration throughout the season. Talk about a ~*role reversal*~.
|Overall, this has been a fabulous first season of Switched at Birth, so let’s hope they keep up the momentum with the next batch of episodes. I’m especially looking forward to the hair-clawing, eyes-gouging, and boob-punching catfight over Emmett!|