Season 7 Episode 1, Pretty Little Liars Recap, Tick-Tock, Bitches

Season 7 Episode 1, Pretty Little Liars Recap
Season 7 Episode 1, Pretty Little Liars Recap
Season 7 Episode 1, Pretty Little Liars Recap
Pretty Little Liars Recap Season 7 Episode 1
Episode Highlights:

It’s the PLL Season 7 premiere! With Hanna’s life on the line, will the pretty little liars manage to put aside their relationship drama and do something productive to save their friend? NOPE.

Episode Grade: A (Loved it!)
ZOMG! Is Season 7 going to be the final season of Pretty Little Liars?

Hanna Marin is DEAD DEAD DEAD!!!
OMG. The PLL Season 7 premiere opens with the pretty little liars burying a dead bitch!
Aria and Emily are freaking out, but Spencer is as cool as a cucumber while she buries her friend's dead body.
The pretty little liars and company are doing absolutely nothing in order to save Hanna from captivity.
Caleb lashes out at Spencer once again. How dare you, Spencer!? This is all your fault!
Caleb Rivers is an obnoxious douchebag and the only fate he deserves is a slow and horribly painful death.
 Did Caleb just say that he'll threaten to beat a woman? Classy, bro.
Zombie Jessica is actually Mama DiLaurentis' twin sister, Mary Drake.
Toby is more heavily made up than any of the pretty little liars.
Hanna Marin is officially DEAD, DEAD, DEAD!!!
If you think Hanna's character is gonna get killed off this easily, think again.
Caleb pulls off Hanna's mask and finds out she has been a blow-up doll along.
Okay, isn't it time for Pretty Little Liars to stop doing this mask shtick on the show? It's getting old.

Alison, the tribe has spoken.
There's a meaningless countdown clock that indicates the hours remaining in Hanna's life.
The doomsday clock doesn't even tell the accurate time remaining.
Mona is so happy that she finally got accepted by the cool kids club.
The pretty little liars decide to have a dramatic tribal council. Alison, the tribe has spoken!
It's no surprise that the three awful guys have a douchey alliance and Aria is the fourth vote enabling them.
Emily is the only one defending Alison from her pre-emptive murder charges.
Toby's petty schoolgirl feud with Alison is still going strong.
How is Mona not the likeliest suspect of every crime committed?
Season 7 is the official season of Maleb.
Officer Toby has no problems picking locks and breaking into houses.
Toby tries to speak German, but butchers the language pretty badly.
Spencer learned the German language based on a mobile app.
Learning different languages on a mobile app is what constitutes as fun for Spencer Hastings.
Caleb actually chose to team up with Mona over Spencer!?!?
Caleb hangs up in the middle of a phone conversation with Spencer. Stay classy, bro.
Caleb looks like he seriously smells. Take a shower, bro!
Sorry Haleb fans, but Mona x Caleb are definitely endgame material!
Caleb and Mona always had a hilarious love-hate relationship that is definitely worth exploring in Pretty Little Liars.
Recap Everything has a new crack ship and it's called MALEB.
Mona is like an instruction manual for murder.
Deep down, I think Mona actually wants Hanna to die just so she can score Caleb.
Caleb talks about beating up women all the time in this episode.
Mona and Caleb's love-hate romance is my new PLL obsession.
Mary Drake is an EPIC KWEEN.
Andrea Parker is now a series regular in Season 7 of Pretty Little Liars!
Let me tell you the difference between the two twin sisters, Mary Drake and Jessica DiLaurentis.
Mary Drake's childhood is filled with turmoil, heartache, and many visits to Radley.
Mary Drake is kind of a badass boss bitch, sorry not sorry.
Melissa and Spencer look so much alike they were almost like twins! Uh-huh, keep nodding your head and agree as if it's even remotely true.
In what world are Melissa and Spencer considered almost like twins or almost like close?
 Mary is a master of the backhanded shade, insulting to your face but disguising it as a thinly veiled compliment
Mary Drake's epic burn: I was born first, she was born jealous.
Is Mary Drake going to be the best PLL character in Season 7? Um, obviously.

Kill Ezria, Elliott! They’re hiding in the closet!
Aria is going through Alison's panty drawer and hoping to find a toy.
Ezra must regret that he wasn't the one rummaging through Alison's panty drawer instead.
Ezria hold hands while they're hiding inside a closet together.
Elliott has an entire MURDER TOOLKIT filled with knives and blades and swords and chainsaws.
Ezra and Aria managed to escape before Elliott could catch them and cut the couple into a million little pieces.
Aria and Ezra don't care about Hanna's life, all they care about is their boring relationship drama.
Aria tells the bartender that she's looking for a man...aren't we all, sister..
Aria is at the bar cruising for some hot guys to pick up.
Aria is still not answering any of her boyfriend's phone calls, as if Liam is some sort of telemarketer.
Ezra and Aria reunite and make love for the millionth time on Pretty Little Liars.
Are the pretty little liars even taking Hanna's life seriously? Why aren't they trying harder to rescue her?
Hanna is sleeping next to a puddle of her own piss.
Uber A tortures Hanna with a wild and sexy wet t-shirt contest!
I wanna see Hanna get tortured in high-definition!
Hanna sees a delirious hallucination of Spencer before she dies.
Hanna doesn't see Spencer with any bangs in her hallucination.
Notice how Hanna doesn't apologize to Spencer for kissing Caleb... That's because she's not sorry.
Hanna makes her escape through the air vent.
Run, Hanna! Run for your life!
Hanna's saviour is... Mary Drake? lol gurl u in danja

Forgive me, Heavenly Father, for I killed Charlotte.
Dr. Rollins is injecting all sorts of horse tranquilizers into Alison around-the-clock.
Emily, do you really think this is the right time to interrogate Alison about her sister's murder?
Is Sabrina gonna hurry up and screw Emily already?
Sabrina gives Emily some snark, hehehe.
That Emison montage was a blatant piece of fanservice. Still epic as hell though.
The red sweater definitely proves Alison killed Charlotte! Somehow, something!?
Emily betrays Alison and falsely accuses of murder YET AGAIN.
Aria and Toby are desperate to send Alison down for a murder that she didn't commit.
Evil Elliott is such an evil mofo omfg.
Poor Alison, is it too late to get a divorce from your evil husband?
Read more recaps!

23 Responses

  1. Default avatar RE Fan June 24th, 2016 / Friday

    OMG, Love all the survivor reference in the recap. Amazing. <333

    I stopped watching since 6×10, but I'm still reading your recap! Plz keep going! <33333

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 25th, 2016 / Saturday

      Recap Everything used to be a huge Survivor fan, so these dorky reality TV references always have a special place in my heart. <3

      Don't worry if you quit hate-watching PLL, Recap Everything will take one for the team and keep watching until the bitter end, just so you'll continue to know how ridiculous this show is after you've stopped watching.

  2. Default avatar Anonymous June 24th, 2016 / Friday

    Yay! You’re doing season 7! I can’t wait for Psycho Paige to return. Maybe she’ll try and drown Ali for old times sake seeing as this is supposed to be the final season of PLL.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 25th, 2016 / Saturday

      Yes, Psycho Paige’s return is among one of my most anticipated character returns this season. We need to come up with a *drown list* so she’ll know exactly who to throw into the pool: Alison, Sabrina, and Sara Harvey too. <3

    • Default avatar Julia June 27th, 2016 / Monday

      Do you think Sara could actually drown?

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 29th, 2016 / Wednesday

      No, I think Sara Harvey is unkillable, unfortunately. There is no way to eradicate that cancer. :'(

  3. Default avatar JOHN June 24th, 2016 / Friday

    Dying that you added terrible makeup Toby as a pokemon. Please continue!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 25th, 2016 / Saturday

      So happy my Pokemon roster is complete, although I may update Hanna and Emily’s pictures at some point. I was actually worried that I wouldn’t be able to find a good avatar of Toby since he’s not the most expressive guy (aka. he’s a block of wood) but then I saw his overdone makeup and I knew that would be his legacy forever.

  4. Default avatar Julia June 25th, 2016 / Saturday

    Now we know why Toby’s father never appears – he’s Donald Trump!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 25th, 2016 / Saturday

      The Toby/Trump comparison gives me ~*chills*~ and now it can never been unseen. x_x

  5. Default avatar Aaliya June 25th, 2016 / Saturday

    OMG U r damn funny!! Than this moment when the liars chose the best way to find d killer is by voting with a paper?!Really? #Dumbestideaever when Hanna is going through hell somewhere else!!!!
    I Really hate how Caleb is reacting to Spencer,He is cool with everyone else INCLUDING MONA?! But not to spencer..I mean he is complementing Mona but ignoring Spencer!?
    I want SPOBY now..

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 29th, 2016 / Wednesday

      I laughed when I realize they were gonna vote for who the killer is~ Imagine if they did it IRL? Instead of voting for the next American Idol, we’d all be voting for who should be convicted of murder instead. #bestideaever

      The way Caleb treats Spencer is soooo gross. He has been a really gross human being in the past few episodes and I kinda hate him now,

      I want Spoby now x2

  6. Default avatar Martina W. June 26th, 2016 / Sunday

    Am loving this recap! Hope Hanna can survive ten years cause that’s how long it’s gonna take these idiots to find her with all their little side quests. Aria even dyed her hair darker in that 24 hour span! (Or PLL is just bad at continuity lol…who are we kidding of course they are)

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 29th, 2016 / Wednesday

      I’m glad Hanna ended up rescuing herself because there was no way her friends were ever gonna find her lol. Lemme sit my ass in a car following Mary Drake around for 24 hours, that will surely save Hanna’s life! (P.S. lol @ Mary immediately finding Hanna as soon as Caleb/Mona stopped following her. That’s not ~suspicious~ at all.)

      Aria's hairstyle change!

      lol aria

  7. Default avatar Kaleigh June 27th, 2016 / Monday

    Im pretty sure the only criteria Pretty Little Liars look for on people looking like siblings is them having the same hair color. Lol

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 29th, 2016 / Wednesday

      Do you have two eyes, two ears, a nose, and a mouth? WE’RE TWINS!!! #PLLlogic

  8. Default avatar Parmesan June 28th, 2016 / Tuesday

    Awesome recap. I actually stopped watching around 6×12 but your amazing recaps are giving me false hope that it’s stopped being like a soap opera. (That was a compliment btw, i can be confusing). I mean, has anyone noticed the ridiculous transition effects they use? It’s looking more like a MovieMaker project with every passing episode. Or maybe it’s just me…

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 29th, 2016 / Wednesday

      I watch PLL precisely for the fact that it’s such a ridiculous soap opera disguised as a teen mystery drama. <3

      It's very hard *NOT* to notice those transition effects in the episodes. They were going overboard with it in the 6B previouslies, but I think they toned it down a little this season. BTW, I have exclusive behind-the-scenes footage of how PLL edits their episodes:
      How PLL edits their episodes:

      Can’t wait to see the checkerboard transition effect in action lulz.

  9. Default avatar Anonymous June 30th, 2016 / Thursday

    OMG your recaps give me life!! Also I completely agree that Caleb is an asshole and does not deserve any of Spencer’s nerdy greatness (I spent half an hour on the app store trying to find the “flag language“ app.) Neither does he deserve Hanna. Nor Mona.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything July 4th, 2016 / Monday

      Ugh, I know, Caleb keeps getting worse and worse this season. He definitely doesn’t deserve Spencer. Not Hanna either. And the only reason why I want to see him end up with Mona is because I know she’ll constantly cut him at the knees and make him suffer for life. ^_^

      Seriously though, why is Spencer’s app not a real thing yet? Where is the Kickstarter page to get this project started???

  10. Default avatar Anonymous June 30th, 2016 / Thursday

    Hey what if we discover there is a triplet to Jessica DiLaurentis and this one is the real A.D and who was Mona under a mask all along

    • Default avatar Recap Everything July 4th, 2016 / Monday

      OR…what if Jessica’s triplet takes off her mask and reveals herself to be Mona, only for their QUADRUPLET to appear and reveal herself as Mona’s twin. I will do anything to see two Jessica clones to square off against two Mona clones. :O :O :O

  11. Default avatar Akiki December 25th, 2016 / Sunday

    Did anyone notice the same blue jacket spencer has in the vision of Hannah…the girl in the bar has on looking at Aria? Could’ve been that girl pretending to be Spencer. Or I don’t know…

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