ZOMG IT’S THE PROM!!! In this epic PLL episode, the pretty little liars fulfill all their prom fantasies inside a smelly old barn, while pretty little moms get hilariously drunk and lock themselves in a basement.
When I first heard the bad news, I remember gasping dramatically and dropping a tray of glasses. No way, say it isn’t so! There ain’t gonna be no limos, no tiaras, no high heels, no puffy dresses, no slow dances, no Ezria moments, no hope, no humanity, no prom!!!
Spencer: I SPENT THE PAST TWO WEEKS WRITING THAT STUPID VALEDICTORIAN SPEECH THAT I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO GIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!
Spencer is SO upset about missing commencement that she literally CRIED. lol what a nerrrrrd~ Also, if you don’t wanna give the speech in the first place, then why are you STILL complaining about it!? You got exactly what you wanted, but there’s just no pleasing this bitch.
The pretty little liars are PROMZILLAS
Spencer: It’s filled with Melissa’s stuff! How is that a banquet hall!?
Veronica: YOU CAN ROLL UP A RUG.
Spencer: That barn is not big enough for us, our dates, and our puffy dresses!
Veronica: YOU’LL OPEN A WINDOW.
Despite Spencer’s many protests, Veronica already ran out of fucks to give. Look, bitch, if you don’t stfu soon, I’m taking your prom from the backyard and moving it into the bathroom!
BTW, when the girls sat down to bitch about the prom together, this group of gabby bitches eerily resembled a daytime talk show on television. For a brief moment, I thought I accidentally switched channels and was watching Joy Behar rolling her eyes at something Whoopi Goldberg said. I mean, the pretty little liars certainly speak as much nonsense as the panel at The View, that’s for sure. *lol*
TRUE DAT. Am I the only one who doesn’t think it’s a big deal if they don’t go to prom? It’s not the end of the world, ladies! Besides, the best part about prom is da glam fashionz, but since these girls already wear outlandish dresses & big ass jewellery every day of every week, prom is hardly considered a special occasion. All the liars need to do is to grab a random outfit from their closets, stand under a bright light, and there they are reliving prom again.
Better be at prom. It’s our last chance to dance. Come alone. xo Charles
Now that we know Charles and Alison are related, does anyone find it kinda weird that A is signing these text messages with xoxo? As in “can’t wait to see you at prom, xo babe~” First of all, you’re not Gossip Girl and that’s not your gimmick, you’re supposed to use a hyphen. Second of all, STOP SEXTING YOUR SIBLINGS.
Ashley: It’s a necklace my grandmother gave me. I wore it to my prom, I thought maybe Hanna would wanna wear it too.
It’s a nice gesture from Ashley, but put away that ancient relic gurl. We all know the pretty little liars wouldn’t wear a piece of outdated fashion even if it came from just a week ago, let alone from a thousand fashion cycles ago!
Ashley: It’s not that kind of barn…
Emily: Uh, it’s that kind of a prom.
On the contrary, I think if you don’t have a splinter in your butts at the end of prom, you must not be doing something right. After a night of grinding and gyrating and pounding your date in a dark corner somewhere, your bum better be sore, bruised, and worn out with a permanent mark to show for it!
Ashley: Senior prom only comes around once. Downsized or not, dates or no dates, you guys should put on those dresses, and dance, and feel beautiful.
Holy crap, did Ashley just call Emily ~*beautiful*~ like she’s reciting lyrics from a One Direction song!? Oh my god! Your daughter is right outside, stop propositioning her best friend!
Ashley: Why isn’t Caleb coming???
Unfortunately, Mama Marin couldn’t make up her mind about which teenager to proposition, so she abandons the *Emley* crack ship just to jump onto the *Ashleb* crack ship. Watch out Hanna, your mother is hitting on every friend in your Facebook profile regardless of their gender, age or relationship status! The other pretty little moms might be planning a prom for the liars, but it seems like Ashley might be lining up her daughter’s friends and planning for a ménage à trois to happen tonight~
Spencer’s speeches will move the world
Caleb wouldn’t explain why he’s bringing a BIG ASS LAPTOP on his trip. This bastard is lying again and made up some half-assed excuse to appease his girlfriend. Um, I’m using it to teach my dad how to watch p0rn on the internet? Naturally, Hanna is right to feel suspicious of this shady fucker, especially since the last time Caleb left town he came back with a brand new girlfriend. *squinty eyes* What are you hiding from me!? IS THERE A MISTRESS???
Caleb: We’re all missing it. You said we were just hanging out in Spencer’s barn and watching Molly Ringwald movies.
Hanna: Yeah, you know what, you’re right. It doesn’t matter anyway.
Hanna is doing that thing when a girl shrugs and tells her boyfriend “it doesn’t matter”, but it actually DOES matter and it is of UTMOST IMPORTANCE no matter what she says. In fact, Caleb needs to consult his relationship handbook again if he doesn’t catch the obvious signs. Just watch Hanna file this trivial incident at the back of her mind until her next big fight with Caleb, and then she’s gonna take this moment and throw it back into his face: “AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN GO TO PROM WITH ME SIX MONTHS AGO!!! I HATE YOU!!! ”
1.) Hanna suspects Caleb might be shutting her out because he’s investigating A behind her back, which is hilar because didn’t she pull this exact same shit on him just a few episodes ago? Can’t wait for Caleb to turn the tables and accuse dis bitch of smothering him too much lolz~
2.) I’m tired of Haleb fighting due to their constant trust issues. They need to do the honest thing and place trackers in each other’s necks. There, problem solved! It’s kind of romantic in a way, just like how Emily & Sara got their tattoos together, except Hanna & Caleb will get matching microchip implants for him n’ her.
Gurl, are you for real? This is how Hanna thinks the police force should be used, calling in the cops just because her boyfriend wouldn’t answer his phone once. I can’t imagine who Toby would be able to call at the station for this request. Hello NYPD? I’m looking for some guy who has gone missing for a few hours and his teenage girlfriend is worried that he might be cheating on her in New York…hello? Hello? Are you still on the line, police dispatch?
Needless to say, Toby gotta be out of a job after downing more drugs than Nurse Jackie. His disciplinary hearing will take about thirty seconds when they ask Mr. Cavanaugh to hand in your gun, your badge, your uniform, your gummies, and your last shred of dignity at the doorstep. Thank you for your services, the exit is datta way.
Toby: What happened…happened. Maybe it’s for the best.
See? Even Toby knows he sucks. Besides, I can’t see how they could justify keeping this mofo on the force when he has more marijuana in his intestines than the latest police drug bust. All things considered, let’s be practical here. It’s time for Toby and his buddy Lorenzo to head over to the job centre across the street. Who knows? Chippendales might be hiring!
Naturally, Toby was panicking like hell, yelling at Spencer to stop before she destroys his career any further. Um girl, no. Hearing the reliable character testimony from his drug addict girlfriend will definitely *NOT* improve the jury’s opinion of Officer Cavanaugh and *NOT* prove his innocence.
WTF!?!??? At first, I thought Spencer was *HIGH* because she got that manic look in her eyes and blurted out a million words per second. No wonder they aren’t letting this unintelligible bitch speak at graduation. It’s not for safety concerns, it’s to spare everyone the cringey embarrassment. If that rambling incoherent mess is the same calibre of ~*quality*~ that we can expect from Spencer’s valedictorian speech, I’m NOT sorry that we missed it.
In fact, Spencer was the one who had to do all the legwork, calling Lorenzo and pleading for him to reconcile, while Alison sits on her ass and twiddles her thumbs. What are you doing, Spencer!? I don’t want him back!
And guess who has been in Lorenzo’s ear the most? You’ll want to take a seat, Uncle Toby has some STORIES to tell. Poor Alison never stood a chance in this relationship, not with Mr. Cavanaugh relentlessly dragging her name through the mud, planting dem seeds, and causing Lorenzo to form these preconceived notions of her rotten personality. I’m giggling while I imagine them sitting through eight-hour night shifts in the patrol car as Toby drones ON and ON about that no-good master manipulatin’ skank!
1.) Damn right Alison didn’t think it through! Looking back, she should’ve stolen HIS GUN. And also his credit cards, his gym membership cards, and his Pokemon cards too. In fact, Lorenzo may want to check if his life savings are still in his safety deposit box and possibly speak to an insurance agent about his losses.
2.) Let’s talk about what’s more *stupid*: stealing the key card, or Lorenzo stupidly letting Alison into his apartment due to his impulses to put her in a really terrible position in his bed? Don’t be angry just because you got outplayed before you got laid, dummy!
Ever since Spencer was banned from speaking at her graduation, bitch feels a massive need to OVERCOMPENSATE so she’s dropping all these longwinded presidential speeches everywhere she goes. I may not be valedictorian anymore, but I’ll still dispense my life advice in a really long motivational spiel that you didn’t ask for! To be fair, Spencer did give a pretty moving speech this time, but she kinda lost me at the part where Alison was described as “vulnerable” (lol) and “genuine” (lolololol).
Spencer has gone FULL FANGIRL in this scene, clasping her hands together and gushing about LUV like some diehard shipper you’d find on the internet. I ship Lorison, hehe! I write fanfiction about the two of you, hehe! I post photosets of all your couple moments on my Tumblr blog, hehe! It’s abundantly clear that Spencer cares more about this relationship than either Alison or Lorenzo, not that it stopped her from playing matchmaker and planning the wedding vows for the happy couple. Hurry up and get back together, Lorison! I wanna give another valedictorian speech at your wedding ceremony!
Emily: You shouldn’t have to choose.
Sara doesn’t have to choose because she already picked Claire over you. *gurl, check please!* It’s a sad state of affairs when your so-called girlfriend would rather spend a night of passion slow dancing on some other ho’s shoulder instead of you. I don’t even know why Emily is still dating this bitch, when it’s pretty obvious that Sara will pledge her loyalty to whosever bedroom she’s sleeping in at the time. Kudos to Claire, who only needed a few nights alone to work her lesbian magic before stealing back Sara from right under Emily’s nose!
Ezra’s ultimate fantasy: five girls, one barn
Ezra: Would it help if I were there? At Spencer’s, the barn prom.
Aria: But I thought you said…
Ezra: That was when I was gonna be sharing a punch bowl with my former students.
GURRRRL. You’re still sharing a punch bowl with your former students, that fact has not changed! Of course Ezra would be there with his menacing glares and his grabby hands. He couldn’t resist the temptation of being alone in a barn with five delectable teenage girls ripe for his pickings. This five girls, one barn scenario must be Ezra’s ultimate sexual fantasy.
GURRRRL. You don’t have to dress up, because you already ARE one. Ezra is like the biggest geek who thinks comparing himself to trolls and ogres and other orc-like creatures (Ezra’s natural origins?) will endear him to a girl. Strangely enough, his dorky come-ons are super effective on Aria since the two of them have the weirdest sexual foreplay ever. TEEHEE, I’M MORE THAN HAPPY TO BE THE PRINCESS FIONA TO YOUR SHREK, EZRA!!!
Mama Montgomery delivers the good news to her daughter, explaining that the judges gave her this win after seeing her original work. Oh, I’m sure these judges were not at all swayed by Aria’s leaked nudes at the gallery show. The public spectacle of her bare naked body definitely did not play a factor into this outcome. Um yeah, I’m being totes sarcastic, this shit is RIGGED AS HELL. If only Clark photographed his schlong in a graveyard and put those pictures on display, maybe he could have won this contest too.
Ella’s silent treatment of Ezra was SO bitchy in such a passive aggressive way, yet it was still one of the funniest things in this episode. Way to go, Mama Montgomery! Ten points for Gryffindor!
Aria: None of us can move on until this thing is over. For all we know, Charles could be in Spencer’s barn right now installing a lethal disco ball!
Later on, we see Toby installing the world’s smallest disco ball at the barn prom. It was some plastic toy even smaller than a Christmas tree ornament. No worries Aria, that itsy bitsy thing couldn’t be lethal even if it contained explosives and then fell on your head. *lol*
Spencer: Spencer’s prom dress was classy and surprisingly modern. I expected her to trot out in some Marie Antoinette garment from a classic time era, so this sleek and sexy blue velvet number looked fantastic on her!
Emily: No tea no shade, but the bottom half of Emily’s prom dress looked like she was wearing tattered rags. Then again, you ain’t looking at her feet when your eyes are solely focused on the deep plunge into her cleavage. Mama got her ample assets out front and centre, which is what high school prom is all about~
Hanna: I change my mind back and forth on how I feel about Hanna’s prom dress. I think the dress itself is very pretty, but it kinda makes her look a little, erm… The term I’m looking for is *used and put away wet*, like she had a quickie with Caleb in the washroom stall before the prom, y’know what I mean? Also, the makeup was WAY2MUCH for me. It’s called smokey eye, not raccoon eye.
Aria: GURRRL. Aria, what are you wearing!? You know this is your prom, right? Why are you dressed like you’re auditioning for the high school play? I know there’s a fairy tale theme tonight for all the dresses, but you don’t have to show up looking like you literally stepped off the bus from Disneyland. SHE EVEN GOT A BOW ON HER HEAD OMFG. There’s a time and place for cosplaying, but your high school prom is NOT the right occasion!
Tonight is truly an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for Ezra. It’s the only chance he’ll get to openly photograph these teenage girls and their pretty little cleavages without any jail time. Let’s hope Ezra came prepared and brought along an extra memory card for data storage, he’ll need it to transfer all these photographs of teenage flesh permanently into his SPERM BANK.
What did I tell you? I swear I don’t make this shit up. EZRA IS A HARDCORE CREEEEEP.
Barn prom basically consisted of the liars striking a few poses in their fancy dresses, and then they spent the rest of the night slumped down on a couch, checking their Instagram accounts, and following live updates of the real school prom. Do you wanna eat, drink, dance, make out? NOPE. Just gonna sit here on my ass and mock some beyotches on mah gram all night long!
Emily: Okay, newsflash! Guess who Noel Kahn brought to the prom? Bridget Wu. And check this out, she’s 85% tequila and her dress is on backwards!
Aria: Wow, Bridget should’ve really gone with the zipper! Wait until Ali sees this!
Even if the pretty little liars went to the real school prom, it would probably play out in the exact same manner. Just a group of gabby bitches huddled in a dark corner somewhere, snickering over their snarky commentary of the other students in attendance. Hehe! Look at that drunk slut in her backwards dress! *hiding smile politely behind mah hand*
Aria: No, they’re just standing next to each other.
Hanna: Yeah, holding hands!
Spencer: She’s tipping him. She probably thinks he ubered her there.
I WANNA SEE!!! Why are we missing out on all this amazing live footage??? You’d think *prom* might be the perfect time to bring some of our favourite old characters back to the show, just to wrap up the high school chapter of PLL. Yet, we don’t see Jenna or Lucas or Noel making a cameo appearance at their own senior prom. Just a quick throwaway reference and that’s it. WHAT GIVES!?!? Is this the only high school prom where none of the actual students are in attendance???
Emily: No, you’re just supposed to be looking at their outfits.
Don’t worry, Toby. Ezra can give you a reference guide to all his former students and point out which ones he banged. There was a moment when the pretty little liars were in the middle of their bitchfest and we see Toby smiling so nervously at them. Poor guy must be frightened getting a glimpse of these bitches in their natural element. It’s like the female equivalent of lewd locker room talk that guys often do. Yes Toby, these bitches talk mad smack about you too in the same manner as soon as you leave the room!
BTW, it’s such an *Ali* thing to ruin a perfectly nice photograph and steal the spotlight away from the couple. @AdamBomb26 must be looking over his photos afterwards, sweetly reminiscing and going like: *so many fond memories with my beautiful girlfriend in the happiest night of our lives…WAIT, WHO DIS BITCH???*
PLL wine moms are my prom kweens
Ella: Do you want me to bring the sushi platter to the girls?
Veronica: No, god no! This is for us! They’re having nachos.
LOL GURL. Veronica pulled all the stops for prom night, ordering sushi and lobster and steak and caviar! It’s not for our daughters, it’s for us! After all, it’s only fitting there’s a five-star, five-course gourmet feast at a queen’s banquet. ROYAL QUEENS EAT ROYAL FOODS.
Ella: You know, since it’s open…
Ashley: I’ll have one.
Pam: Me too.
Veronica: WOOOO!!! WE GONNA GET SHITFACED TONITE, SON!!!!!
And before you know it, this party suddenly turned into a FREE-FOR-ALL RAGER with more alcohol flowing between the moms than the wildest keg party at a fraternity house. Any moment now, Veronica is gonna be holding a ping pong ball and screaming out: WHO WANTS TO PLAY BEER PONG!?!?
Ashley: How did he keep this a secret for so long?
Ella: Not just him. Both of them. I mean, she was visiting him and letting Kenneth believe that their son was dead!
As she was trashing the DiLaurentis family, Ella gave one of the sassiest *BITCH PLZ* faces accompanied by bugged eyes and even threw in a gospel hand. Preach it to the mista, sista!
Ella: AMEN! BEEN THERE, DONE THAT! I’m sorry, did I just say that out loud?
Preach it to the sista, mista! By the way, this could make a fun drinking game for the wine moms. I’ve never had an unfaithful husband! *takes a sip* I’ve never had a divorce! *takes a swig* I’ve never divorced my unfaithful husband AND broke up with my unfaithful fiancé who tried hitting on my daughter’s teenage friend! *downs the whole bottle* Okay, we’ll need to stop this game before Ella dies from alcohol poisoning over here.
Ella: NOT ENOUGH.
In her intoxicated state, Veronica had a slip of tongue and revealed who Jason’s real baby daddy is! We’re supposed to believe it was an “accident”, but personally I think Mama Hastings was just feeling saucy tonight and wanted to have a kiki with her girlfriends. The other moms were like OMG YOU’VE SPILLED THE WINE, NOW YOU GOTTA SPILL THE TEA! But first, bring back a new bottle of replacement wine, because these glasses ain’t gonna fill themselves.
Pam: Veronica, maybe you should eat something…?
Veronica: *BIG ASS GULP* If it wasn’t bad enough that THIS BITCH tried to steal my husband, but her sicko son had to bury her in my backyard! Just ten feet away from my lilacs! This deranged freak tried to frame my entire family!
I love Veronica is so BALLER that she’s downing a kiloton of wine on an empty stomach. Yup, that’s gonna leave a mark in her major organs. *lol* Also, this is worth repeating: DIS BITCH and HER SICKO SON and THEIR DERANGED FREAK FAMILY!!! *lmaooo brb i’m on the floor dying of laughter* Veronica is such a drunken floozy with more wine in her body than a French vineyard. She’s literally one glass away from pulling a Bridget Wu and start posting Instagram pictures of her backwards dress!
Veronica: Like who?
Pam: LIKE HER HUSBAND. From what I heard, it could be REVENGE for all the years she kept this kid a secret!
Instead of talking down her drunken friend who’s dangerously ~on the edge~, Pam adds more fuel to the fire, stirs the pot like crazy, and feeds into Veronica’s crazy downward spiral some more. Somebody has been watching too much The Mysteries of Laura lately and thinks housewives can be detectives too, so this bitch is rattling off her soap opera theories as if she just cracked the case. U GUISE, THE HUSBAND DID IT! Just like that case of the week in TMoL!
Veronica was already out the door when the other moms were like *OH SHIT* and immediately chases after her crazy drunk ass. But not until Pam takes one last gulp of wine before hitting the road lolololol~
Will somebody rescue the moms from the basement!?
Wouldn’t you hide too if you were him? Especially when there’s Veronica being a total badass gangsta in your living room, loading her machine guns and hollering threats like: THIS IS A HOSTILE TAKEOVER, KENNETH! IF YOU DON’T COOPERATE WITH US, WE WILL BLOW THIS FUCKING PLACE UP!!!
I know I’ve already posted a million pictures of Ella making various dirty little looks throughout this episode, but she’s just sooooo good at conveying *bitch plz* simply with a raised eyebrow or a sideward glance. The best part is that none of her faces ever look the same, because this woman has such a wide spectrum of hilariously wacky expressions for every occasion. Each one of Ella Montgomery’s bitchfaces is *unique* and *special* just like snowflakes.
Ella: Did you close the door?
Pam: I’M NOT LEAVING MY FINGERPRINTS ON DAT!!!
Bitch was even paranoid about forensics dusting for fingerprints on the doorknob, so let’s just leave the door wide open when there’re two cop cars parked outside! As you can tell, Pam has a very deep understanding of law based on her one week of employment in the police force and many hours of watching crime procedurals on the telly. I know what I’m talking about, I watched CSI before!
GURL STOP FRONTING. Nobody believes you’re Charles, dude. Seriously, find me one PLL fan who legitimately thinks Rhys Matthews could be A. No, just no. We all collectively know this guy is a fake counterfeit and his real identity is a no-name nobody. Rhys was barely tolerable back when he was a Christian Grey doppelganger last episode, but his continued presence in this show is now becoming a nuisance. It’s time for this unnecessary filler character to gtfo plz!
Ashley: Are there more pictures of him around here???
Ooh woman, you thirsty! I must point out that Ashley suddenly developed a newfound interest in the Charles DiLaurentis investigation as soon as she saw what he looks like. Bitch was searching high and low around the house for a sexy picture of him that she could carry around in her wallet.
Rhys: I was just about to leave.
Pam: Hey, maybe we should…
Other Moms: *collectively shushes her together*
lol poor mama fields~ I hate to say this, but does anyone get the feeling that Pam might be the weakest link of the group? I can picture Ella, Ashley, and Veronica holding their own in some back alley fight, but Pam doesn’t offer much other than act like a nagging liability. She’d be the first to to die in any zombie apocalypse team. Sorry gurl!
It’s the oldest trick in the book, and we’ve seen this exact same scenario play out with the pretty little liars many times before. They walk down the stairs together, the door gets locked behind them, bitches act totally shocked at the most obvious trap ever. You’d think the moms would be older and wiser to send at least one person to guard the door, but NOPE. The dumb bitch apples don’t fall far from the dumb bitch tree. Now we know where the pretty little liars inherit their lack of common sense from, because these moms are just as bad as their daughters.
Ashley: It’s pitch black, very tight, and I think there’s something rotting in there.
Like geez, it has been ten minutes, I don’t think your vajayjay has shrivelled up to that state yet gurl. Anyway, since the moms don’t get rescued after this episode, they get locked in the basement for the rest of eternity, never to be seen or heard from the outside world again. RIP 4EVER Wine Moms. Veronica asks, “Why didn’t any of us bring a cell phone!?” I think the more important question is WHY DIDN’T ANYONE BRING THE BOOZE!? If you’re gonna die here in some musky old basement, you might as well die a happy bitch who’s drunk as a skunk!
Going to prom with mah high school teacher
When Ezra arrived, I expected the music to stop, a scream of horror would pierce through the silence, and then the entire student body would erupt into salacious gossip as they turn around with their looks of disgust. Strangely enough, nobody acknowledged Ezra or even reacted to his presence. Um hello, he used to teach here!? He banged one of your underage classmates!? WHY AREN’T YOU SCANDALIZED!?!?
Just because the other characters can turn a blind eye doesn’t mean *I* will! I AM OUTRAGED!!! Like what the fuck is this EZRIA BULLSHIT!?!? Under no circumstances, not even in a million years after civilization broke down and the human race has succumbed into complete moral chaos, would Ezra be allowed to enter this high school prom holding hands with his former student! There should’ve been armed security guards at the main entrance so that fuckers like him could be SHOT ON SIGHT!
Aria: Ezra, I don’t want you to come with me to LA. I need to go alone. I saw the airline confirmation on your phone. I know you bought a ticket to LA.
Don’t even deny it, he was totally gonna stage a ~*chance encounter*~ at the airport and act as if fate brought the two of them together lmao. Despite being busted, Ezra tried to save face and made up some BS on the spot. Um, it was a layover flight! Um, I’m going to Thailand! Um, because I’m doing Habitat for Humanity! Surrrre you are, buddy. Now Ezra has to call Nicole and actually sign up in order to cover up his earlier lie. P.S. My condolences to the families in Thailand for unleashing Ezra Fitz onto your teenage daughters.
Spencer: I wrote about what it means to support someone unconditionally, even when they haven’t been entirely honest with you. And how everybody needs somebody to be inspired by. Somebody who sets the bar really high. Somebody who’ll put someone else’s needs before their own, and then not resent them for it. Somebody who always expects you to do the right thing, and then forgives you when you don’t.
TL;DR version: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!
Spencer: Yeah, she might be. But I wrote it about you.
After that panty-dropper of a speech, Spencer and Toby make out like barbaric savages on the dance floor. When Alison saw the two of them eating each other’s faces off, she got so disgusted by their public display of affections that she literally ran away in horror. Ew, Spoby, gross! *lol* By the way, I thought the whole purpose of going to the school prom is to look after Ali’s safety, even though the liars spent the entire evening kissing & dancing with their love interests instead. Who cares about protecting our friend’s life when making beautiful prom babies is a much more important once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!!!
Caleb: It’s real, okay? And it pays enough to cover your tuition and a place to live that’s bigger than that girl’s hair!
Caleb seems very sure that he’s able to afford all these extravagant expenses considering he didn’t even start his first day of work yet? Imagine if the company runs a background check and discovers that he’s a high school dropout with no prior work experience. After analyzing the information and the risk, we’ve decided to terminate your job offer! *lolwhoops*
Hanna: You already have a job!
Caleb: Not one that’ll pay for a move to New York.
Hanna: Yeah, that job is called bank robber.
Um, does Hanna know that bank robbery is NOT an actual occupation? See, this is what happens when you’re raised in the same household as Mama Marin, you grow up thinking that a professional bank robber could be a real career choice. *lol*
What Sara fails to mention is that after visiting the barn, she dropped by the DiLaurentis house to lock the PLL moms in the basement. *lol so obvious* Even though there was apparently *nobody* at the barn, Emily doesn’t seem one bit concerned or suspicious about her mom’s possible whereabouts. I’m at prom with Sara Harvey so nothing else matters, not even mah own momma!
It’s evident that PLL used up all the budget on the pretty little liars and their fancy prom dresses, so they just gave Sara any remaining scraps left in their wardrobe. Here ya go, wear this whatever! Sorry gurl, this is what happens when you’re a secondary character who’ll never be allowed to outshine those fashionista divas on the show. Second-class characters wear second-class clothes!
Spencer: Lorenzo, thank you for coming!
What a completely waste of time for Lorenzo who dressed up in his best suit, put on his expensive cologne, drove all the way to the school prom and he didn’t get one glimpse of Alison. At least Spencer thanked him for coming, even though she sounded like some customer service representative working at a retail store. Thank you for shopping at Best Buy! Please come again!
Ezra vs. Clark CATFIGHT!!!
In Clark’s defense, he’s mostly a harmless creep who takes pervy pics in the background, yet the pretty little liars are convinced about his *absolute evilness* just because they saw him at some warehouse that one time??? ZOMG HE MUST BE A!!! Their allegations are totes senseless as usual, but it didn’t stop them from going on a mass witch hunt and persecute yet another innocent character on the show.
Aria finally stopped pretending that Clark is such a good pal of hers and admitted that she found him incredibly creepy from the moment they met. Now if only she recognizes the other major creepazoid standing right in front of her with his hands navigating below her hips. How could Aria be so suspicious of Clark and yet so oblivious to Ezra when they’re both voyeuristic stalkers cut from the same cloth? It’s like if Snow White spat out a poisonous apple from the witch just to turn around and drink rat poison on her own free will. GURL NO THEY ARE BOTH TOXIC.
Clark: Someone on the prom committee saw my pictures at the contest…
Aria: My friends saw you at the old doll factory! What were you doing there!?
This is such an awkward conversation for Clark. First of all, it’s pretty embarrassing that a couple of nosy bitches spied on your gay hook-up behind the warehouse. We only picked that place because of the discretion! Second of all, it’s a huge fall from grace to go from competing in a prestigious contest to taking pictures of drunk teenagers at a prom. No wonder he tried to hide it. I have to take this crappy freelance job because I lost the contest, that’s why I’m here. Sorry we can’t all win an internship to LA like you, Aria.
Teacher: *to Clark* I don’t think you wanna be photographing her. *to Aria* And I suggest you and your pals find an exit. Voluntarily.
What a goddess, amirite? Anybody who tells Clark to stop taking pictures of teenage girls AND tells off the pretty little liars to gtfo is considered a hero in my books. This random minor character is already an instant Recap Everything favourite and she definitely gets my vote for Prom Queen!
My favourite moment was the three-second catfight between Ezra & Clark, who finally resolved their weeks of (sexual) tension by scratching each other’s eyes out. Ezra tried to jump Clark at first, but of course his ass was hilariously handed to him and he got shoved around like a limp sausage lolz. During their fight, I was rooting for Clark to pull out his gun and open fire on those stooges, possibly shooting a couple of fatal bullet wounds into Ezra’s abdomen hehehe.
Toby: Actually, I do. I’m an officer.
LMAOOOOO. I dunno if Toby was doing stand-up comedy or if he was being serious, but I nearly busted a gut from uncontrollable laughter. I can’t believe dis mofo had the gall to tell such a blatant lie about himself, let alone say it with a straight face and not a trace of irony in his voice. Okay, who wants to break the bad news to Officer Cavanaugh? “ACTUALLY, I’M AN OFFICER!!!” actually ur not. Maybe only in his wildest drug-induced delusions is Toby still considered an officer of the law, but GURRRRRL UR NOT IN DA POLICE NO MOAR.
Clark: o rly? *flashes police badge* I showed you mine, now you show me yours.
Dat awkward moment when you just boasted about your fraudulent job and then a REAL COP shows up holding a legit police badge while all you have is your termination letter. Not gonna name any names, but SOMEBODY must be feeling like a bit of an asshat right now. Last time I checked, Clark was invited to the monthly pot luck down at the precinct, but I wonder whose name is conspicuously missing from the staff roster… *lol awks*
Aria was a total *Suzy Clueless* as usual and reacted like *ZOMG SHOCK TWIST* to Clark’s real identity. lmao @ her wrongly accusing yet another friend who was only trying to save her life. Why does this keep happening!? It’s like if the prince cured Snow White’s curse with love’s first kiss, only for this bitch to immediately cry rape on him. GURL NO WORK ON UR JUDGMENT.
Charles, is that you!?
Spencer: Please don’t follow your worst instincts!!!
Alison: He’s not your brother, Spencer! He’s mine! And I’m not leaving until I look him in the eye and ask him why!? What did I ever do to make him hate me!?
HE’S MINE!!! I dunno why Alison is so weirdly possessive over her brother when anyone in their right minds would be like *thank god he’s not related to me by blood*. Gurl, you can keep your deranged psychopath brother, he’s all yours!
Alison: You don’t get it! You’ve never understood me! YOU NEVER EVEN LIKED ME!
OHHHH SHIT. IT’S OUT THERE. It’s a night of brutal honesty for bitches to call out on dem other bitches. Spencer was outraged by this controversial comment, huffing and puffing in disbelief: “WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT??? ” Um gurl, because it’s the fucking truth! Don’t look so surprised, you can barely tolerate that bitch on a good day. Just cuz you got Ali a prom date doesn’t mean you two are suddenly besties. Honey, you ain’t fooling nobody.
Alison: *gasps* Charles, is that you!?
Waiter: *holding a tray of glasses* I’m Dominic.
I gotta say, Dominic is really cute. As soon as the waiter removed his mask and flashed an endearing smile, Recap Everything took one look at that princely face and already fell in love with yet another random minor character. This guy even has a name! *swoons* What a babe. Dominic is total prom king material!
Considering how little Alison knows about Charles, he could actually look like a tree or an ogre or a giant mutilated blob and she still wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Just imagine this happening: *CHARLES, IS THAT YOU!?* and then we see Alison hugging a large boulder on the ground in the most emotionally heartfelt family reunion ever.
BTW, there’s some gossip around the hood that PLL may actually continue after Season 7, despite what the showrunners indicated in earlier reports. Don’t be surprised if the show keeps getting renewed year after year, because you know they would love to drag this shit out for as long as humanly possible. See you guys all in Season 13 and I’ll be right here saying “I told you so.” *lol*
For a moment there, it almost looked like he was gonna strangulate her to death, but I’m sure she’d make up some perfectly good excuse for his behaviour. Oh, he’s just being mischievous! Oh A, you silly goose, attacking me from behind! Don’t worry, this is how my brother expresses his love for me, we’re just bonding as siblings!
Aw shucks, guess we won’t find out who A is until the next episode! At least we can look forward to the bestest, boldest, most anticipated season finale of all time, right? I can feel it in my heart of hearts that next episode is gonna be fucking amazing. A pure epic, iconic, legendary episode that will leave all us PLL viewers with our minds thoroughly blown. Ooh yeah, the hype is real, I promise you won’t be disappointed!!!