ZOMG TIME SKIP! In the brand new PLL midseason premiere, we time travel five years into the future where Emily is a college flunkie, Hanna and Spencer have done a wife swap, Aria is deeply entrenched in more Ezria drama, and Alison finally gets to live happily ever after with her evil psychotic sister.
Other shiny new stuff in the midseason premiere includes: New mysteries! New characters! New love interests! New jobs! New hairstyles! NEW BANGS ZOMG!!! For all you freeformers out there not used to these freeform changes, rest assured that PLL is still the same ridiculous hot mess that we know and love. Don’t worry, it’s just the same old shit except in a brand new decade!
PLL reunion selfies!
In the past six years, I’ve grown so accustomed to Aria and her off-centre index finger that her shushing face still haunts my dreams sometimes. It was a total shock to my system to see Alison steal her co-star’s signature move and do the shush instead! WTF!? I thought that was an exclusive Aria Montgomery patented trademark!? ‘scuse me, that is known as the ARIA FINGER™, not the Alison finger! How dare they remove one of PLL’s longstanding traditional institutions!!! I WANT THE ARIA SHUSH BACK.
This is actually an official warning to any PLL cast member who tries to negotiate a salary raise with the showrunners in the future. Don’t think you can’t be replaced by younger, fresh-faced, age-appropriate teenage actresses on the show at any given time!
My god, imagine sitting through an entire class with your teacher reading straight from the textbook. I guess this is the type of the teaching pedigree you can expect from somebody who bought her college degree on the Internet. ZZZzzzzzz…
Unsurprisingly, Alison spent the past five years seducing Dr. Rollins since he’s in charge of her sister’s diagnosis at the asylum. Their relationship is morally corrupt as hell. Now we know why they got married, it must be a ~*scam marriage*~ in exchange for Charlotte’s freedom. You think Alison would still hug Dr. Rollins like that if he had any shred of medical ethics in him and didn’t agree to release her psycho sister from the nuthouse? Hmm, I’m guessing no!
Besides, I thought this evil bitch was gonna be sentenced to maximum life imprisonment with no chance of parole, so it’s ridiculous that she’s even considered for release after doing just five cozy years in a nice luxurious asylum. The only court hearing Charlotte deserves is to determine whether she should get the DEATH PENALTY or not.
There isn’t much time, but I wanted you to see these words on paper and not on a screen. I wanted to know you were touching something I touched, that we were connected.
We’ve been through things no other friends have experienced. We understand each other better than anyone else in the world.
BUT. All that connects us to someone else. Someone I love. Someone who needs me.
Alison’s grammar is ABHORRENT. She literally used “BUT.” as a standalone word in a sentence. Imagine putting that shit into your essays. How is this bitch an English teacher!?
For the record, Pretty Little Liars reshot this scene so that the green screen is still awful but looks much less noticeable in the actual episode. However, I chose to screencap the original clip shown in the 6B promos where you can see the green screen in all its epic glory. There’s no way PLL can release this type of hilarious footage to the public and not expect Recap Everything to use it for eternal ridicule.
I know you’re coming back to Rosewood, to speak to the court about Charlotte being released. I’m asking for five minutes with you. Five minutes to explain. Five minutes that can change the whole world.
It’s a testament to Alison’s narcissism that she thinks her sister’s release from a mental institution is considered world affairs. The only way she’d be able to ~change the world~ is if Charlotte gets released and joins North Korea to nuke the entire planet, otherwise I don’t think we need to call for an emergency G20 summit with all the world leaders involved. Nonetheless, all Alison needs to do is pen a letter and her four loyal lapdog friends immediately hop on a plane to do their master’s bidding. Queen Ali beckons us, we must kneel before her at once!!!
Emily: *glomps* I MISSED U!!!!!
Hanna: *glomps harder* I MISSED U 2!!!!!
Spencer: *joins the glomping* Ugh, get a room. Ew.
Aria: *it’s an official glompfest* We’ll need a pretty big room!
The best part was when Spencer and Emily tried to hug each other, only for Hanna to intercept between them because she needs to hug Aria first! These girls then became one gigantic conglomerate entity with their arms intertwined and their legs tangled up with each other!
Imagine the utter confusion of the other customers in this café, who must be flabbergasted at why these four adult women are going outta control taking hundreds of photographs of themselves. If you squint closely at the pictures, you might see some of the other customers shaking their heads and rolling their eyes in the background.
To be honest, it doesn’t really matter if Aria is dating Liam or if Hanna is engaged to Harry or if Spencer is two-timing on Louis with Zayn. We know none of these relationships are gonna last until the end of the season when the girls go running back to their original love interests. Their new boyfriends and fiancés are merely smokescreens for the real endgame couples set in stone since Season 1, it’s like the most obvious thing ever.
Emily: I suppose we’ll need our passports to attend the wedding.
Hanna: We’re talking to several host nations, but Italy is a strong contender!
Okay gurl, can we get real? You ain’t going nowhere. PLL won’t shell out the big bucks and ship these girls to ITALY to film fucking anything. If you’re gonna get married on this show, the best that you can hope for is to settle for a shotgun wedding hosted right here at The Brew.
Aria: No wonder it took you a year longer to graduate college.
HEY HEY~ Unlike her boring friends who are getting all coupled up, it seems like Emily is simply slutting it up through her twenties and hooking up with as many lesbians from as many different countries as possible. I love that Emily is seeking diversity in her one-night stands. She is like an international ambassador of sex, and these legs are open border for any country’s citizens to enter.
Stop whining and get a shave, Ezra!
In this scene, PLL totally pulled a ~fast one~ on the viewers. They made us believe that Aria became a published author famous enough to host a televised book signing, except she skedaddles away moments later and allows the *real* author to sit down instead. Looks like Aria was just there to warm up the chair for the VIP guest, whoops!
I always assumed Aria would be the one working as an English teacher instead of Alison. It seems like a logical career choice for her given her family roots, not to mention Ezra’s influence on her. Part of me thought Aria might have fallen in love with him because she had fallen in love with the teaching profession… But nope, it was just his dick and balls that she thirsted after all along.
Ezra’s books are currently collecting dust in a large pile found under the “Books you may have missed!” section, which is the bookstore’s last attempt to get rid of these unsellable worstsellers from their inventory. It’s easy to see why his books aren’t selling. Apparently, Ezra thinks he’s J. K. Rowling and could charge $32.95 USD for one of his hardcore hardcovers. BITCH PLZ. You’re lucky if anyone even picks up your book to use as a coaster for their Starbucks coffee. Try slashing your prices with a 100% discount and then maybe you’ll get lucky with a few sales.
Ezra Fitz, a former English professor and resident at South Eastern Pennsylvania received his Masters in English from Hollis College in addition to a residency at the Yaddo Treat. He is a winner of The Hampton Table Prize and The MacGuffin Grant. When he isn’t managing his café, “The Brew” where he concocts his own juice blend, he volunteers with Habitat for Humanity. This is his first novel.
In addition, Ezra is also a winner of The Hilton Chair Prize and The Sausage McMuffin Grant in addition to a residency at Yabba Dabba Doo! Okay, I thought it was Aria’s job to fact check the books before publishing them? GURL WHY U PRINTING LIES???
Aria: I thought Ezra was still in South America?
Byron: No, apparently he got sick and they sent him home. I’ve seen him in town.
Wait, I thought he was still in Thailand? There must be no more Thai families in need of homes after Ezra finished pillaging their villages. Our pretty little humanitarian moved on to South America until *TRAGEDY STRUCK* and he got deported back to the USA after they discovered he was sick… Sick in the head, that is.
Unfortunately, Ezra’s mysterious virus may have already spread across his face, which explains why he looks like an unshaven diseased rodent with splotches of stubble growing along his jawline. Gurl, you may want to check the mirror, you have fungus on your face.
WTF!? Am I the only one who thinks Nicole’s disappearance is sketchy as hell? This is like the most farfetched reason you can come up with to write off a fictional character from a TV series. Keep in mind this is the same show that used to get rid of its minor characters by sending them to ~*tennis camp*~, so this overseas kidnapping conspiracy plot came out of fucking nowhere! Are we sure that Nicole was really abducted, or did Ezra murder her, bury the bitch, and then blamed it on the terrorists? Hmm, the mystery thickens.
At the risk of putting my own life in danger, I must reveal the real identities of these half-baked revolutionaries: DON’T EVER FUCKING MESS WITH THE EZRIA ARMY!!!
Those gangster thugs aren’t afraid to assassinate a bitch if she got in the way of their preordained ship. Nicole’s biggest crime was daring to come in between Ezra and Aria. One moment she was his new girlfriend, the next moment her body is chopped into a million pieces and fed to the sharks. The Ezria militants work in a stealthy and efficient manner. Dat homewrecking ho ended up getting exactly what she deserved.
P.S. Would it be possible to send Ezra back to South America so that the revolutionaries can kidnap him forever too? Someone oughta throw him over the border plz. Here, you guys missed one captive, take him away free of charge!
RIP Papa Fields
WHY COULDN’T IT BE ONE OF THE DADS INSTEAD!?!? I’d easily sacrifice the other four PLL dads at the temple just to bring Wayne back to life again. Aww man, this seriously blows. I wished they didn’t have to kill Emily’s father. He deserved better than an *off-screen death*. At least Papa Fields died knowing that he’s one of the very few PLL characters who’d actually go to heaven in the afterlife, because hell is gonna be pretty overcrowded for the rest of the cast.
HATERS GONNA HATE. I’M PROUD OF YOU, EMILY.
Spencer: How’s The Salk Institute??? All that great Louis Kahn architecture! I want a tour!!!
Emily: Uh… They’re not doing tours right now…
Spencer is such a nerd that her eyes lit up and she grinned from ear to ear just talking about the place. Calm down, fangirl. There’s no need to get a massive architectural boner over a slab of concrete.
1.) Emily might have caught whatever contagious sexually transmitted disease that infected Ezra back in South America, so she needs to be heavily medicated at all times.
2.) Or Emily is simply a hardcore junkie, which means PLL might do yet another ~drug addiction~ storyline for the umpteenth time. Never underestimate this show’s ability to rehash the same old plots over and over again.
Either way, Emily knows she must keep this drug habit as a secret from her friends, otherwise her beloved prescription pills would get stolen if Spencer ever caught sight of dem goodies!
Just seeing them together brings back so many memories. Please excuse me while I go dust off the old Emily x Toby fanfiction that I used to write back in the days and reminisce fondly.
Toby: *nods* Took a while. Mostly nights. But I got it. Didn’t do much good this year. Got passed over for promotion.
I love how Toby is speaking as if he was actually considered for a promotion in the first place. Okay gurl, keep dreaming. *lol* We could time skip fifty years into the future and he would still be a lowly ranked police officer who’s not qualified enough for that promotion. Did he seriously expect to be promoted based on his valiant efforts in consuming marijuana and getting high on the job? Just be thankful you still have a job in law enforcement and they didn’t fire your ass already, dude!
DON’T WORRY, EMILY. I’LL GIVE YOU A 94 ON EVERY TEST.
“And even Hanna.” *lol* Okay, that was a little bitchy on Emily’s part. Excuse me, I’ll have you know that Professor Marin is an esteemed intellectual and even a recipient of multiple scholarship offers! Please stop discriminating against this secret genius! Besides, she isn’t the one who flunked college and currently bartends at The Salk Institute. Sorry Emily, looks like you’re actually the new “Hanna” of the group!
Toby: To college?
Emily: To anything.
Aww, that’s really sad! I gotta say, Emily has been the most intriguing character since the time skip. Her mysteries are compelling, her storylines are headed in the right direction, and her characterization has been very on-point. I really like what they’re doing with her ~*journey*~ so far and hopefully the quality keeps up for the rest of Season 6B. STAY STRONG EMILY, WE’RE ROOTING FOR YA!
Veronica Hastings: The Clear, True Voice
Hanna: Seriously, you would never know this used to be a nuthouse!
Ashley: Okay, we prefer the European definition of ‘sanitarium’ when talking about this historic structure.
LOL @ Mama Marin spinning it like crazy. It’s not the loony bin, it’s a medical institution! The Radley patients aren’t called crazy nutjobs, we prefer the European definition of ‘ancestral forefathers’ of this esteemed establishment!
BTW, may I add that Mama Marin is looking mighty fine after the time skip. She might be the only character who managed to look five years younger when it’s supposed to be five years later. Gurrrrl, she was showing more cleavage than her twentysomething daughter! With the way she looks, don’t be surprised if you order room service and Ashley shows at the doorstep offering to be your overnight companion. It’s probably that kind of hotel.
Insider sources say that Veronica is “doing well in the polls for such an untested candidate”, which means she must be America’s Sweetheart with nationwide support and the public’s adoration. She’s winning this election for sure, so you might as well hand her the State Senate trophy right now. As for me, I’ll be right here waving my Veronica fan club banners and rooting for my homegirl all the way. YOU GO 4 THE GOLD, SISTA!!!
The funniest part is how Veronica looked so damn smug after watching her campaign ad, even though you know her poll numbers are going down every time that television ad plays. “Erm, the flag’s a really nice touch.” Spencer says, clearly struggling to find a compliment. No gurl, smearing shitty graffiti on the American flag and then broadcasting it on TV is actually considered a nice touch of RADICAL TERRORISM.
“I watch the government!” TRANSLATION: She watches the evening news.
“I keep it honest!” TRANSLATION: She posts angry ranting comments on online articles.
“I work with grassroots organizations to advance progressive legislations!” TRANSLATION: She stands outside of city hall with protest signs while the real politicians walk past her without acknowledgement. In other words, she’s on the losing side of politics.
Spencer: The family that campaigns together stays together.
I guess Veronica did the math in her head and figured it was more cost-efficient to keep around a ~*slave husband*~ who’ll write her speeches, book her appointments, fetch coffee, prepare meals, give foot massages & do all her grunt work for free than hire a full-time staffer at her campaign office. Don’t think for a second they’re staying together to work out their loveless relationship. The moment she loses this election, their marriage is officially terminated. *hands Peter the pink slip* You’re fired, bitch!
Can you believe Mona is also working in politics after the time skip? I’m not even sure what her job is, but I’m assuming she’s a secret spy operative working for the North Korean government or something along those lines. If Mona ever gets elected into a position of authority, she’s totally gonna turn this country into a totalitarian state while bringing back slavery, child labour & public executions into our legislation. It’s fucking scary to give her power and this bitch needs to be STOPPED.
Mona: I waved at you at the Kennedy Center reception. You didn’t see me.
You know Spencer totally saw her at the reception but chose to snub the bitch lol~ I also love this is the first thing Mona brings up during their conversation, because she never forgives or forgets the tiniest of slights. Don’t worry, when she gets elected as president one day, Mona will make damn sure that Spencer remembers to wave, salute, bow, kneel down, kiss her feet, and worship her from the ground!
Charlotte is released!?!?!? OBJECTION!
Emily: You want us to forgive Charlotte…
Alison: I don’t care if you forgive her. I’m asking you to give me my only chance at a real family.
Oh, there it is. Alison speaks her true feelings out loud at last. I don’t care how *you* feel as long as *I* get what I want! When will my lapdogs understand they don’t get the right to have petty little opinions!? As the old saying goes, it’s one for all and all for Alison DiLaurentis!
Alison: Please, do this. Do this for me.
Spencer: Pretty please? With sugar on top? That’s what you say on a playground to exact a favour. We’re not on the playground anymore, Alison. We haven’t been for a long time.
Oh dear, it seems like Alison is only capable of one manipulation tactic, which is to keep saying ‘please’ over and over again until her friends finally agree to help her. *lol*
Alison: He doesn’t agree with Dr. Rollins and me.
Jason is boycotting the trial because he strongly objects to the unholy union between Dr. Rollins and Alison. Looks like somebody is not shipping the clandestine romance between a wily manipulative seductress and a horny unethical doctor. It’s nice to know that at least *one* member of the DiLaurentis family has a ~moral compass~ …even if it comes from the guy who’s constantly sleeping with other people’s fiancées, girlfriends, and his own half-sisters.
Sorry to be blunt, but are these bitches FUCKING INSANE!?!? What could possibly compel them to make such ridiculous statements!? The pretty little liars had one simple job at this court hearing, which is to make goddamn sure that psychopath never steps one foot near them ever again. You’d think this was a clear no-brainer, but our girls are surprisingly easy to forgive and forget… Forget all their common sense, that is. Why not just release Charlotte as well as all the other prison inmates and death row convicts while you’re at it???
Mona: I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I’ve been listening to my friends and how they managed to forgive Charlotte. I wished I could hate her, but I can’t!
My favo moment was when Mona described them as *her friends* and Spencer immediately turns her head to glance bitchily at the other pretty little liars. lol @ the background shade.
Aria: NO!!! No, I would not feel safe! I was on the Redline going to Braintree, and the train stopped in the tunnel between the stations. The power went out and it was dark. Not dark, it was black. And I was back in every box, every dark tight space that A had ever put me in, and I couldn’t breathe. Then, I heard a girl crying. Good. I thought somebody else was scared out of her mind. Then the power came back on and every single person on that train was staring at me, because I was the girl that was crying. I don’t want Charlotte released. EVER.
I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to hear a normal human being speak at this trial instead of Alison and her cult of vapid braindead followers. ARIA IS SUCH A HERO!!!
WHAT THE HELLLLLL. WHAT IS THIS MADNESS!? OBJECTION!!! I HAVE SO MANY OBJECTIONS!!! It’s truly baffling how a judge could hear Aria’s testimony and still deem it the right choice to release Charlotte back to society, like wtf! The only plausible explanation is if this judge had received a threatening text message from A right before the sentence ruling: “Your family is being held hostage in an alligator creek, so you better deliver the right verdict bitch! – A”
#1: Emily – You were always my favourite, Em!
#2: Hanna – Hefty has gotten so big that she takes up the #2 spot as well as the #3 and #4 spots too!
#3: Spencer – Congratulations, you’re no longer my least favourite in our group of friends!
#4: Aria – WATCH OUT, BITCH. YOU’LL GET YOURS!!!
Aria: Wouldn’t it just be the biggest cosmic joke ever if Charlotte gets to live happily ever after!?
Wouldn’t it be the biggest cosmic joke ever if Aria gets killed first just because she dared to stick her neck out and prevent A’s release? This poor girl must be shitting bricks right now knowing that she openly defied Alison and her homicidal sister, which backfired massively in her face. If this bitch thought she wasn’t safe before, she must have put an even bigger target on her back at the trial today. Let’s hear you testify against Charlotte again after she trapped you in another confined box placed directly in front of a speeding train! You will pay for your traitor words, Judas!
LOL. It’s funny because it’s totally true. Alison is supposed to be this young twentysomething woman, but it’s like her ~best years~ are long behind her. She’s already resigned to spending the rest of her life in Rosewood, sitting in her big ugly house, playing housewife to her doctor husband and caretaker to her mentally ill sister. C’mon Ali, you’re in your twenties, can you LIVE A LITTLE??? I could never picture her character sitting in this lounge and drinking wine with the rest of the pretty little liars. It’s 9:00PM, so it’s already past Alison’s bedtime!
Hanna: The coven of the sacred cocktails is now in session!
Um, best name ever for the best club ever? Where can I sign up to join this VIP coven? In my ideal world, I would party hard with this cocktail coven until the crack of dawn, and then immediately crash the raging afterparty hosted by the PLL wine moms!
Hanna: You’d think a place like this, they’d have SPECIAL drinks.
Did anyone notice how Hanna always has a drink in her hand this episode? She’s boozing on the plane, she’s boozing in broad daylight, she’s boozing late at night, she’s still boozing after the last call and immediately suggests the mini-bar. Holy shit, this bitch obviously relapsed back to her alcoholism from Season 5 and is in urgent need of another intervention. Why is she drinking so much anyway!? The only explanation is that Hanna must have read the SPALEB SPOILERZ for this season and never wanted to be sober again.
[Aria wakes up after the phone rings]
Hanna: *points at Aria* Sit! Stay!
Spencer: She’s not a poodle.
No way, Aria is not glamorous enough to be a poodle. She’s more like the chihuahua from those Taco Bell commercials. Small, yippy, annoying, yet still kinda loveable in a strange inexplicable way.
We need to talk about Spaleb
Season 6B rocked the PLL world to its core with massive shake-ups to all the major couples after the time skip. SPOBY IS DEAD! HALEB IS DEAD! EZRIA IS DEAD! The panicked screams & horrified cries of shippers everywhere are still ringing loudly in our ears. It’s like somebody hit the *reset button* and the *randomize button* on the relationships for this show. All of a sudden, Caleb and Spencer are boning each other!? LOLWTF. Normally I’d only expect to see Spaleb happen in the darkest archives of a Livejournal fanfiction community, so imagine my surprise to see this crack ship is real and it exists in the actual canon timeline, y’all.
This isn’t even the first time that the pretty little liars swapped love interests either. Remember when Spencer got tired of flirting coyly with Wren and passed him down for Hanna to play with? These girls are such good friends that they don’t mind sharing boyfriends with each other. It’s like one gigantic swingers party and they won’t stop until they’ve sampled through all the possible combinations in their pretty little harem.
Spencer: I’m really glad you’re here.
OH MY GOD JUST KISS ALREADY!!! For the record, Recap Everything is officially endorsing SPALEB 4 LYFE. I personally love there’s a hilarious ~wife swap~ among the pretty little liars and pray that Spencer x Caleb end up together in the endgame. In fact, PLL needs to shake up the couples even more! Imagine if Hanna ends up with Toby, and Aria ends up with Emily, and Ezra ends up with Alison and Charlotte in a sisterly ménage à trois. I WANT MOAR CRACK SHIPS, THE CRACKER THE BETTER!!!
Caleb: Hey, Spencer called me.
Hanna: …Spencer called you?
Caleb: Yeah, Spencer told me about Charlotte! I’m staying at Spencer’s barn! I better get going, Spencer is waiting for me! Did you hear me mention Spencer yet! Spencer, Spencer, Spencer, Spencer! By the way, Spencer is a much better kisser than you! kthxbye!
1.) “I thought you were room service! ”
2.) “I’m glad to know your reflexes still work! ”
3.) “My mom can set you up with a room here if you want! ”
My god, it was almost like Hanna forgot that she’s supposed to be happily engaged to some anonymous, expendable, nobody fiancé. You know this bitch wouldn’t hesitate to flush her engagement ring down the toilet if there was the slightest possibility that she could get back together with Caleb again.
I don’t even know why they bother breaking up the couples when there’re still these dreadful lovey-dovey reunion scenes between them. When I heard that Haleb and Spoby are finally donezo, I rubbed my hands in glee because I was expecting uglyface tears and slashed tires and vengeful slaps across the face! Instead, we end up getting the most boring amicable breakups where everyone smiles and hugs affectionately and goes up to each other’s hotel rooms in the middle of the night. I seriously can’t tell the difference when these sluts are back together or when they are actually broken up. Like wtf, where is the drama!?!?
Spencer: Oh yeah? You guys talk?
Toby: Yeah, we’re the brotherhood of ex-boyfriends! We gotta stick together!
Spencer: *shifty eyes* lol awks~
During the Spoby reunion, there was a hilariously awkward moment when Spencer cringed and squirmed because poor Toby doesn’t realize that his bestie Caleb backstabbed him and broke the most sacred BRO CODE of them all. Let’s see how this brotherhood of the travelling pants hold up once Toby realizes that his bro and his ho have been secretly doing the nasty behind his back.
Spencer: Yeah! Sure, we can do that!
TSK TSK, WHAT A TWO-TIMING HO. You gotta love that Spencer still agreed to have dinner with Toby even though it’s confirmed that she’s sleeping in the same barn as Caleb. *judging u* Hey, just because that Spoby reconciliation is inevitable does NOT mean a girl can’t have some frisky action with the side piece as well! Spencer must be thinking to herself…why do I have to choose between Toby and Caleb when I can easily have BOTH?
Spencer: All I got was a chair, and some lucky girl is gonna get an entire house.
No offense, but I would not wanna live in a house that Master Carpenter Toby built all by himself. Can anybody say DEATH TRAP? Imagine the *unlucky* girl who ends up living there when the roof collapses without warning, and that dream house suddenly becomes your dream burial mound.
*Sara Harvey voice* CHARLOTTE’S DEAAAHD!!!
We don’t know the circumstances behind her death, but I don’t need a coroner’s report to tell you that the cause of death is most definitely KARMA. It’s nice to know that in spite of rigged judges and lying bitches trying to defy justice, the cosmic universe has an effective way to correct its course and ensure that evil homicidal psychos get the comeuppance that they deserve. Somebody hurry up and ring the bell, because ding dong the bitch is dead!!!!!
Before we pop the champagne bottle, it must be pointed out that Charlotte might be one of those PLL characters with nine hundred ninety nine lives, so don’t be surprised if she’s bound to come back to life at some point in the future. Personally, I’m very sceptical that such an evil presence can be eradicated from the world without the use of nuclear weapons. Bitch is probably faking her death, and that dead body must belong to Bethany Young’s long lost twin sister instead.
First of all, that’s a blatant lie. Don’t even act like Dr. Rollins would’ve changed his professional medical verdict, his mind was made up as soon as Alison gave him a handyj. Second of all, THIS BASTARD DID IT. Obviously. Did you notice how many times this mofo batted his eyes when he said that last sentence? I *blink* NEVER *blink* WOULD’VE *blink* LET HER *double blink* LEAVE THE HOSPITAL *blink182times*. My god, I thought he was having a severe epileptic seizure! It was the most telling facial tic ever and Dr. Rollins gave himself away through his nervous fluttering eyes. You might as well give your confession now, you murderer!
Alison: *grabs onto Emily’s hand*
Emily: *puts her other hand on top of Alison’s hand*
Both hands, ooh yeah! Okay okay, I know this was supposed to be some super special romantic Emison moment that have y’all wet and moist and in need of new panties. But to be honest, them holding hands kinda reminded me of a predatory monster sinking its claws into its feeble prey, as if to say U WILL NEVER ESCAPE MAH CLUTCHES.
I can’t imagine how Toby must be feeling right now. I’m just a TV viewer and even I’m embarrassed for him. Soon enough, Detective Lorenzo will be barking out orders, flashing his shiny new badge, and asking Officer Toby to kneel down and polish his shoes.
BTW, you gotta wonder why A insisted on wearing black hoodies all the time and covering up those magnificent bazookas of hers. It’s a travesty that her boobs were kept hidden from the public eye for so long. Gurrrrl if you got da goods, FLAUNT DEM THANGS!
The only logical explanation to this high turnout: I’m guessing that most of the people are only here to make sure the evil bitch is confirmed dead dead, i.e. I won’t believe her so-called death unless I witness it with my very own eyes!
More importantly, we gotta call out these two mofos for looking like SLOBS at the funeral. There’s Caleb with his mess of a bedhead, and Ezra with his permanent five o’clock shadow. It’s evident that both of them think they don’t need to pay attention to their physical appearances just because they’re dudes. Considering the pretty little liars are rocking the ~funeral chic~ and look like hot glam divas as always, would it kill the guys to put some effort into their personal grooming plz? Here’s a comb, here’s a razor, and here’s some deodorant too because Ezra is starting to look like he might smell a little…
Ugh, bitch plz. Shower Harvey wishes she was as epic as Jenna, but she could never replace the original and the best. I notice a lot of you are calling Sara as “the new Jenna” because of their eerie resemblance, which is SO insulting to my beloved queen that making such comparisons should be considered TREASON. That counterfeit ho might be copying her exact demeanour and stealing all of her mannerisms, except the main difference is Jenna = natural kween and Sara = basic beta bitch not worthy enough to lick the toejam from our queen’s feet.
Second of all, when Sara lifted her black veil and turned around to glare at the pretty little liars, I was getting some serious PTSD flashbacks to the midseason finale where she did the exact same thing. My buttcheeks were clenched in anticipation of Sara hissing out her infamous line: “CHARLOTTE’S DEAAAAAAHD.” Imagine if she actually said that during this episode, I might have died laughing my ass off for an eternity and beyond.
At least the pretty little liars can take solace in the fact that their evil tormentor is finally dead dead dead, riiiight? lolokay, not really. How long do you think it will take before the girls start receiving their first threatening text message? I’m giving it three episodes max before the new A shows up and their cycle of abuse begins all over again, hooray!