Season 4 Episode 5, Pretty Little Liars Recap, Gamma Zeta Die!

Emily and Spencer go against each other in one of their epic feuds; Aria participates in family warfare against her brother; Hanna sabotages herself out of sheer stupidity.

CALL OFF THE MISSING PERSON SEARCH PARTY! WE FOUND MIKE MONTGOMERY! After an unannounced hiatus where he didn’t even inform his loyal blog subscribers & social media followers on his life status, this dude is suddenly back on the sofa, playing his video games, and acting all nonchalant about his prolonged absence. (Sidebar: Can we establish the fact that people who don’t update their site for 2+ months are *THE WORST*? Good thing Recap Everything isn’t like one of dem bloggers.)

Aria: When did you get home?
Mike: I dunno, a minute ago.

lol so meta~~~ At first, Aria was like *WHO IS DIZ STRANGER IN MAH HOUSE? O_O* b/c I don’t think she even remembers having a little brother anymore.

All of Mike’s adoring fans are thinking: “Oh em gee, Mike Montgomery is gonna infiltrate multiple storylines and have such a HUGE IMPACT on the show’s mysteries now that he’s back!” And then it turns out all dis bitch did in the episode was *play on his tablet* and *play board games with his family*. Remind me why everyone was petitioning for his return again? -_-”

Mike was gone for so long that we tend to forget his character has always been a bit pointless and irrelevant on the show. *lol* THAT’S WHY WE LOVE HIM THO~

While we’re on the subject of absentee cast members, we recently learned that Mr. Noel Kahn has left Rosewood to compete on Dancing with the Stars! *omglol* AMAZING. I hope this begins a long-lasting trend of various PLL actors appearing in reality TV shenanigans!

Unfortunately for Brant Daugherty, DWTS actually managed to put together a cast with some recognizable names for once. Usually, they’ve one big ~*headliner*~ and the other participants are all ~*nobodies*~, so Brant would’ve easily coasted on those seasons based on his looks alone. This season, he’s competing against Bill Nye the Science Guy & Mercedes from Glee. Plus, I think his biggest competition is Corbin Bleu, that dude from High School Musical (aka. this season’s ringer), who’ll split the much coveted frau & tween vote that should have been Brant’s built-in fanbase. Will anyone actually vote for Brant, or will he suffer the humiliation of being voted out first? D:

The pretty little liars were holding an *emergency boardroom meeting* in a classroom to discuss whatever dumbass plot for this episode, and Mama Montgomery had the nerve to tell these bitches to go to class instead, so she gets accused of going thru one of dem mood swings.

Ella: Hey, pretty little hobags! Go to class! :|
Emily: Whoa, what’s with your mom!? Kinda harsh!
Aria: I dunno, she has been acting really weird for the past couple of days.

Oooh girls, I think we all know what Time of the Month it is~ On top of having her PE.RI.OD. Ella also has to put up with her stroppy son’s bullshit. Apparently, Mike threw an almighty *tantrum*~ about his mommy running off with the muffin man, so she’s cancelling her trip. Ouch, cockblocked by her own son!

However, Aria is worried that if her momma stays in Rosewood, A will start going psycho against her. Case in point, there’s a scene where Ella is sitting in her car and applying some lipstick (hotmama gotta look ~*fresh*~ at all times for Zackary), but suddenly she gets attacked by an army of bees!? *lolwtf*

It was kinda hilarious watching a couple seconds of Mama Montgomery waving her arms frantically and fighting off imaginary CGI bees inside her car. Actually, it’s even more hilarious when you realize her first instinct is to FIGHT the bees instead of getting the fuck outta the car. I MAY DIE FROM ALL THESE BEE STINGS, BUT I REFUSE TO GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!!!

This is just the first taste of my venom. Kisses – A

You guys, I think at least 40 members of The A Team are actually bees. Who else thinks it’s pretty badass that A managed to recruit insects & animals to do its evil bidding? So far, we’ve had the rattlesnake in Spencer’s dressing room, that parrot which A abducted from the liars, and now these bees in Mama Montgomery’s car. What other creature should join A’s nefarious operations? My wish list: I’m hoping to see a pack of hungry coyotes chase down the pretty little liars in the future~~~

Since Aria spent a whole episode telling mommy to ~*follow her bliss*~ and fed her so much syrupy bullshit, she’s livid that Mike has reversed all of her hard work. He claims he’ll miss his mom, but Aria was like U SELFISH EXPLOITATIVE PRICK because she thinks her brother wants to take advantage of Mama Montgomery in school. (i.e. “We’re all rooting for youuuu, Emily! *gives u a 94 for showing up to take this test*)

Mike: How is that being selfish!?
Aria: Because you only want her around to hold your hand while you’re writing a paper!

Whatever, Aria. I’m sure Mr. Fitz was holding more than just your hand when you were writing your papers. Or do you make Ezra write all your essays and then give you a perfect grade afterwards?

Mike retaliates by making Ezria jokes (heh heh) and that’s when Aria gets into a HUGE BITCHFIGHT with her little brother. OMG play nicely, ladies!

Mike: The only reason you want her to go so bad is so you can start boffing your teacher again. It’s hard to get frisky with Fitz when somebody is looking over your shoulder, huh?
Aria: STFU!!! *shoves Mike into the fireplace*

Ooh, someone is being a little touchy. You know Aria is only this angry because Mike must have hit a nerve. She was probably planning to do it with Ezra on the airport tarmac as soon as her mom flew away on that plane, but now Mike ruined the whole surprise!

BTW, we have to talk about that fancy schmancy tie skirt Aria was wearing in this episode. That’s right, it’s a skirt made entirely out of neckties zomg! I admit, it’s pretty creative from a design perspective, but you gotta wonder how many ties Aria had to steal from Ezra’s closet in order to make this skirt of hers.

Since Aria is determined to win in this ~*family warfare*~ against her evil brother, she goes running to Papa Montgomery and pleads for his support. Hilariously enough, Aria gets choked up and bursts into tears on the spot. She was literally crying because it’s OMG SO SAD *sniffles* that her mom has to be torn apart from her ONE TRUE LOVE. *sobs*

OMG DIS MELODRAMATIC BITCH. Is she ferreal? Please tell me those were fake tears and she’s only playing the sympathy card in front of her father. Gurrrrl, why are you crying like your mom is dying from a terminal illness and she only has six months left to live??? We’re talking about some stupid trip, and Mama Montgomery can always buy a plane ticket to come back home when she grows bored of her boy toy in a few weeks’ time. Contrary to Aria’s reaction, this is hardly a matter of life and death here! O_O

Byron gives Ella his full blessing to go screw around in another country. If Mama Montgomery wanna be a reckless and irresponsible parent who’d abandon her kids to chase after some tasty diq, then go ahead and Papa Montgomery will take care of things at home. However, after watching this scene, I’m now fully convinced that Ella & Byron are soooo gonna get back together. The dialogue! That music! Those glances! The overwhelming evidence cannot be ignored. I’m predicting a Season 5 reunion for these two kiddos.

Byron: Ella, you and I talked about moving to Europe when we were still in college. And then Aria happened.

Ella, you used to have such ambitious dreams…UNTIL ARIA HAPPENED. You can practically pinpoint where it all went wrong in her life.

Anyway, this storyline would’ve been a lot more compelling if we actually got to see Papa and Mama Montgomery converse with Mike about his feelings, but for some reason these important scenes are all happening off-camera. Instead, we’re just supposed to believe that Mike magically changed his mind and he’s suddenly okay with everything. *lolkay* Hooray for half-assed hokey resolutions!

P.S. Six months from now: “Dear Byron, I just read in your letter that our daughter Aria has eloped with her teacher & our son Mike has fallen back into his depression during my absence. On the bright side, the weather here in Vienna is great! Here’s a postcard to make everything better! xoxo Ella”

Elsewhere, Hanna is also afraid that her momma will be going away…TO PRISON. We see one of Hanna’s bizarre nightmares where her mom wakes up in a prison jumpsuit with all her hair shaved off, most likely due to a nasty scuffle with another prison inmate when Ashley refuses to give up her seat in the cafeteria or something.

We all know Mama Marin is one badass criminal motherfucker, but I actually don’t think she’ll do well in a prison environment. She’s too delicate and too glamorous for jail, y’know? All the other inmates would be like *look at dis bitch with her red hair dye & her false eyelashes* and they’d be sure to torment her out of sheer jealousy. The only way Ashley would survive her lifetime imprisonment is if she agrees to be somebody’s ~*prison bitch*~.

Mama Marin is realizing that she’s in deep doodoo over Detective Wilden’s murder. Normally, what happens is Pretty Little Liars would drop the storyline after a few episodes or they’d introduce a thousand other suspects & red herrings to throw us off the scent, but the plot has basically been #AshleyDidIt on a loop for the past five episodes. Now, there’s a real possibility that Mama Marin will get locked up for all her sins, so she goes running to Mama Hastings for some legal representin’

Ashley: I think the police are building a case against me.
Veronica: Well, let me look into it. I got a contact at the Rosewood P.D.

lol you know her contact at the precinct is *totally* Emily’s mom. Mama Hastings is gonna ring up Mama Fields for some juicy afternoon gossip~

Ashley: Aren’t you gonna ask me?
Veronica: What?
Ashley: …if I am guilty?

And then Mama Hastings clocked her tea and gave Ashley ~*this look*~ that basically says: “GURRRRRL. Who are you even trying to fool at this point? The police think it’s you. The evidence says it’s you. Even your own daughter believes it’s you. It’s SOOOO OBVIOUS that you killed him. And the moment you walk into that courtroom, your guilty ass is gonna fry like bacon, bitch~”

This episode is all about the pretty little liars preparing for university life. Naturally, Aria doesn’t have to worry since her professor daddy already reserved her the top spot on the dean’s list before she starts enrolment at Hollis College. And naturally, Hanna doesn’t have to worry because *lolno* @ Hanna Marin having any university prospects. The only way she’s ever getting into a university is when some frat guy brings her back to his dorm room after a drunken night out.

Harvard: Hello Hanna? This is Harvard admissions calling. We’d like to accept you into our university. There’s an empty hot dog stand on our campus that needs tending to. :o)

Poor Emily is still looking at stock photos on Stanford University’s website even though she has no chance of getting accepted. She doesn’t have the grades, she doesn’t have the scholarship, and her family doesn’t have the money. I think it’s time for Emily to give up on Stanford and it’s time to give up on all universities in general. It ain’t happening, girl! Why don’t you set your future ambitions a little lower? Being a waitress at Hooters is a very rewarding career choice within realistic reach.

Emily: Without swimming, I am…average.
Wayne: There’s nothing average about you.

Translation time, here’s what Emily’s dad is trying to say: “LOL AVERAGE? YOU WISH! MORE LIKE *BELOW* AVERAGE, AMIRITE??? Not everyone can be a special little snowflake who’ll go on to have infinite success. Some people have to be in the bottom percentile of life, aka. namely YOU.”

Spencer’s family decides the best way to get into university is through $$$$$. If UPenn doesn’t want to accept their moneys, then there must be plenty of other greedy Ivy League schools that will accept their daughter at the right price!

Mama Hastings even hired a “private admissions counsellor” to help pimp Spencer into some respectable university. Meet Brendan McGowen, who is basically a scam artist dressed in a blazer and a tie. In his own words, his job description includes “I try to get applicants face time with people who can champion them~ ^_^” and “Most of my work is emotional~ ^_^”. In other words, all Brendan does is *bullshit bullshit bullshit* while susceptible parents fork over their cash because he charges a hefty fee for his ~*emotional*~ work.

Spencer’s parents hired Brendan to reposition their daughter from “raving lunatic who escaped from Radley” to “complex intellectual with a fascinating checkered past”. Well, they hired the right man for the job because Brendan is a master of the bullshit. Case in point, he printed out a list of universities from Wikipedia and then ~*rebranded*~ it as a “catalog of top ranking academic universities”. This so-called catalog consists of various university campus addresses and phone numbers…so basically, he created a phonebook. But it’s a very expensive phonebook with photos of smiling graduates on the cover!

Spencer & Brendan are meeting at The Brew for their first strategy sesh. When he came early to prepare his bullshit spiel, Emily sees him and goes OOOH FREE CONSULTATION!!!

Brendan: I can go through some of these schools with you, at least until Spencer shows up.
Emily: Yeah, that’d be great! ^_^ *takes off apron*

First of all, this bitch was supposed to be working at the coffee shop right now! Her employer is paying Emily to chat with some dude while the coffee goes cold and the customers’ orders go unfulfilled. Second of all, Spencer’s parents paid $$$$ for Brendan’s services while Emily was leeching off his time for free like he’s the sample lady at a supermarket. This opportunistic little ho was inadvertently ripping off both her employer & the Hastings at the same time!

We see a pitiful glimpse of Brendan’s premium counselling skills, which include telling Emily that she should major in Polynesian studies at the University of Polynesia & asking whether she’s Hawaiian or Rosewoodian. Evidently, this guy has no idea what he’s doing and he’s just spewing bullshit everywhere.

Brendan: If Polynesian Studies doesn’t tickle your pickle, I recommend majoring in Early 22nd Century History. Alternatively, Interpretative Dance and Karaoke Studies are also highly suitable programs for someone with your credentials. And you can never go wrong with a degree in Paranormal Conspiracy Theories either!

Is it too late for Spencer to ask for a full refund???

Emily: I wanna major in biology.

WTF? That declaration came a bit out of the left field, didn’t it? Who else was surprised that Emily came out as such a big frog dissecting biology enthusiast? I mean, when has Emily ever expressed an interest in biology studies other than that one time Toby knocked her unconscious in a science lab? Given the evidence, it probably made more sense for Emily to be la French major than a biology major, y’know?

Brendan: Are you Hawaiian?
Emily: Filipino, Korean, Irish, Scottish, Canadian, Romanian, Finnish, and Transylvanian.
Brendan: OMG. Think of all the amazing mixed race babies that we can have together! ^_^

In case it wasn’t deadly obvious, the only reason why Brendan provided ~*free consulting services*~ is because Emily = mega hot and Brendan = mega horny. While she was trying to get accepted into a university, all he cares about is getting accepted into her pants. Brendan was smitten with Emily from the get-go, unaware that she’s already majoring in LGBT Studies rather than Desperate Dweeb Studies.

*Spencer finally arrives*
Emily: I should go…
Spencer: No, no! You can stay.

NO, GET BACK TO WORK!!! Oh my god, it’s like Emily doesn’t even remember that she’s supposed to be on working duty right now. Job? What job? And if she’s already slacking off before Zack leaves on his overseas trip, can you imagine the state of this coffee shop with an unsupervised Emily at the reigns? She’d be like “Starting from now on, this coffee bar is self-serve! Feel free to take all the scones you like, but remember to leave a tip in the jar before you leave! :)”

Emily is asked to accompany Brendan and Spencer on a field trip to some state college. Before leaving on her trip, Emily’s millionaire father hands her an unexpected large FORKLOAD of cash!

Emily: What’s this?
Wayne: Gas money, and a little extra.
Emily: Dad, that’s a LOT extra.
Wayne: I know, I want you to enjoy yourself this weekend. Take Spencer out for a pizza, my treat.

No tea no shade, but doesn’t it feel like Papa Fields is sorta *suggesting* and *encouraging* Emily to go visit a…strip club? Like, that’s exactly the kind of money you’d give your lesbian daughter to pay for her first lap dance. The only place where Emily will be eating pizza from is on some stripper’s cooch while stuffing dem dollar bills down a teensy lil’ thong.

Upon arrival, Spencer was immediately like “FUQ DIS PODUNK SCHOOL. This week’s frustratingly contrived mystery investigation isn’t going to unfold by itself! See you later gators~” Brendan obviously has no issues that a paying customer of his decides to *gtfo*, which means he can spend more alone time with Emily on their little romantic campus date.

Brendan: Better yet, why don’t we skip the tour and head straight into one of the dorm rooms? I’d give you admission inside ~MY~ lecture hall. ;)

Speaking of this week’s investigation, it involves Spencer trying to trace down Tippi’s phone number which is magically linked to this college. Spencer gets into some intense argument with a sassy nerd over Game of Thrones, among other nerdtalk that no normal human being would be able to decipher. In the end, this sassy nerd was like “Plot Device A leads to Plot Device B” and he eventually points Spencer to some sorority house for the next part of her investigation.

Nerd: You got the crazy eyes.
Spencer: They’re not that crazy!
Nerd: Crazy enough.

All I have to say about this exchange is: just the eyes, Spencer??? Sorry boo, but I think that ~*crazy*~ has spread all over every inch of your body faster than dem cancer cells.

Spencer & Emily’s investigation take them to a sorority party, where Emily suddenly experiences an ~*epiphany*~ in regards to the fashion on this show.

Emily: Maybe I should’ve worn something more ladylike. Does this dress look slutty to you?
Spencer: *meh* Not really, but the sluttier the better.

That exchange basically describes every wardrobe choice on PLL. Does this dress look slutty to you? NOPE NEEDS MOAR SLUT. To be fair, Spencer and Emily are (usually) the two more ladylike dressers in the group. If it was Aria and Hanna in their shoes, they’d wrap themselves in toilet paper rolls and still deem it an acceptable outfit for any formal occasion.

Hilariously enough, Spencer gets the idea of asking a bunch of drunks at a sorority party for possible clues in her investigation. She literally goes up to each partygoer, shows them a picture of Alison, and asks them: “Have you seen my dead friend before? :)” Just imagine it’s a Saturday night, you’re going to a frat party and ready to get crazy smashed, and suddenly this teenager shoves a picture into your face while shouting obnoxiously SEEN MY DEAD FRIEND??? SEEN ANY DEAD PEOPLE LATELY???

Frat Douche: ‘suppppp.
Spencer: Wassup with you? Can you look at this photo and lemme know if you know this girl?
Frat Douche: Yeah, I’ve seen this girl!
Spencer: Really? O_O
Frat Douche: …YEAH, IN MY DREAMS. OHHHHH~~~

*lolpwnt* @ Spencer. I’m actually not sure what she was trying to accomplish here, flashing around Alison’s photo like it’s her business card. This happened the last time she went to a college party as well, because she was all like “seen my upenn application lately? :o)”. I don’t think Spencer knows how these kinds of parties work. Sorry to be crass, but the only things that you should be showing off at a frat party are *left titty* and *right titty*, okay!?

Spencer has not gotten off her high horse ever since she stepped foot at Ciciciciero College. Her attitude has been like: “I pity these common peasants going to some podunk school. This must be where they come to get a third-rate education in scrubbing toilets and cleaning up vomit from the floors.” If it wasn’t for her investigation, she would never be caught slumming it here in these ghetto parts.

“Oh my god, is that a public parking space I see before me at this backwards little shithole of a college campus!? How disgustingly primitive!!!” <-- what Spencer sounds like.

Emily, however, actually wants to attend this podunk school. Trouble starts when she refuses to help her friend with the bogus investigation anymore, since Emily doesn’t want to be known as *that psycho girl with the dead friend photo* for her next four years at this college. This triggers a HUUUUGE CATFIGHT as the two liars exchange petty personal jibes at each other.

Spencer: Now, it all makes sense. Oh you, batting those camel lashes at Brendan… smiling… laughing at everything that he says…
Emily: It’s called being nice!
Spencer: It’s called flirting!

I love it every time Spencer and Emily get into one of their epic feuds. Hide your garbage bags everyone, the tension is about rrrrumble~~ :D

Spencer: Well, I’ll tell you what I’m not confused about. The fact that the entire weekend, you’ve conveniently failed to mention that you’re gay!
Emily: Oh no you didn’t!
Spencer: I just didn’t think you were the type of person who’d lead somebody on just to get what you wanted!
Emily: Nice! Coming from the girl who whipped off a bra to get back on the decathlon team!

LMAO LMAO LMAO~~~ O YA SHE WENT THERE. *sassy finger snap* It’s always amazing when the pretty little liars compete against each other to see who’s the #1 Slut because they’re all so overqualified in that department, y’know?

Emily: I was not leading him on! I was being charming!
Spencer: Could have fooled me. *shrugs*

Here’s my two cents: Emily was definitely flirting with Brendan, no doubts about that. To be fair though, I don’t think Emily realizes what she’s doing and she’s unaware of the effect that she has on Brendan. You know how hot girls are, they live inside their own bubbles and think: “These men must be paying me so much attention because of my winning personality! Teehee!” when in reality the guys only care about *boobs, boobs and more boobs*.

And honestly, when you are as attractive as Emily, she can give anybody an innocent glance, but they’d still get the wrong idea and think “OMG what’s with that look? Is she inviting me to the bedroom?”

Emily: You wouldn’t know the difference. You never had to be charming. You get to act like a total snotrag because mommy and daddy have a safety net of cash to catch your fall!
Spencer: :O :O :O

OHHHHH SNAP. That was an amazing ~*finishing blow*~ from Emily! I think both girls put in a hearty effort and gave as good as they got during this bitch-off. It’s a close call, but if I had to choose a winner, Emily slightly edges out Spencer and takes the victory in my opinion. WHAT DO U GUISE THINK??? #polltime

As usual, Hanna has been DOING THE MOST in this episode and goes snooping through her mom’s closet before finding her dad’s gun zomg!!! This is the final nail in Mama Marin’s coffin and basically proves that she killed Detective Wilden, but we all knew that already so whatever. To be honest, I’m more surprised we didn’t find an entire collection of handguns, rifles, and grenades inside Ashley’s closet. I thought the baddest crime boss in Rosewood would be equipped with more weaponry!

Here’s a simple question for every PLL viewer out there. Put yourself in Hanna’s shoes for a moment. If you found the murder weapon inside your mother’s closet, what would you do with it?

a.) Put it back into the closet and pray for my mother’s sins while hoping that nobody would ever discover the gun’s secret whereabouts.

b.) Scrub away all the fingerprints, sneak into my dad’s house, and return the stolen gun as if it had never been missing before.

c.) OMG LET’S TAKE THIS GUN TO A SORORITY PARTY TO BURY IT THERE SAFE AND SOUND!!!

Guess what Hanna ultimately ends up doing??? -_-”

Hanna decides that finding her dad’s stolen gun inside her mom’s locked closet isn’t a *safe* enough location, so she takes it out of the house (oh my god) and brings it to a party (OH MY GAWD) and tells Spencer about her brilliant plan to bury it in the backyard of the sorority house (OH. MY. DEAR. GOD.) Imagine the dumbest plan to dispose an incriminating piece of evidence…now, make it a million times dumber, and that pretty much describes the sheer stupidity of Hanna’s actions. Sadly, this is what happens when Caleb happens to be away for one episode and he’s not here to smack some sense into his girlfriend!

Lordy lordy lordy, you leave Hanna unsupervised for less than twenty four hours, and this girl will find ways to destroy herself in ways that your brain can’t even begin to fathom. :(

Spencer: Why would you bring a gun to a sorority party!?!?
Hanna: Because it’s THE gun. The gun that killed Wilden. I found it in my mom’s closet. I have to get rid of it!
Spencer: OMFG HANNA. Y U SO STOOPID. ;A; Okay, just wait here. Please don’t do anything. Let me find Emily first, and maybe if the three of us are together, there’s a better chance that one person will have a functioning brain amongst our group.

Hanna is obviously the recipient of the DUMB BITCH AWARD for this episode, no contest. But Spencer was pretty stupid too for leaving Hanna alone when you know your dumbass friend cannot go longer than ten seconds unsupervised. Come on, we are talking about HANNA MARIN WITH A GUN IN HER PURSE! WHY WOULD YOU LET THIS GIRL OUT OF YOUR SIGHTS!?!?

Of course, Spencer completely disregards the urgency of Hanna’s perilous situation, because it’s more important to continue her hokey pokey investigation inside this sorority house. She somehow finds a *SECRET ROOM* with a telephone or whatever. Whoever was hiding inside this room has been calling Alison before she died, or maybe after she died, or I dunno! Honestly, I don’t know how to recap this shit anymore when I don’t even know what the fuck is going on. This plot has gotten so convoluted that it’s nearly impossible to follow. :(

Spencer also finds a couple of intense scratch marks engraved on the door, which might indicate somebody was *imprisoned* inside this room? IDK IDK. I mean, we’re supposed to believe the sorority sluts living inside this house on a day-to-day basis have never noticed this secret room before, but Spencer accidentally stumbles upon it after visiting the premises for the first time, so the foundation of this plot was already shaky to begin with. Let’s not question it too much and just go :O :O :O at all these inexplicable shock revelations.

Meanwhile, Brendan is desperately trying to get Emily plastered at the party so that she’d lower her standards (by a lot) and possibly sleep with him before the end of the night. Every scene we see the two of them together, this guy is saying shit like “Can I get you a drink?” or “Lemme get you a refill~”

For the most part, Emily was just *tolerating* this desperate little dweeb who spends his free time hitting on teenage girls, oh dear god not another PLL creeper. -_-” At one point, Emily actually walks away in the middle of a conversation with him *lolpwnt* but this loser STILL doesn’t catch the hint that nobody wants a piece of his smelly taint. Ugh go away, Brendan.

Emily: I think I may have given you the wrong impression. I’m not available. I’m with someone.
Brendan: Maybe he’s not making you happy anymore.
Emily: He’s a she, and she’s amazing.

The worst part is after Emily tells him that she’s a lesbian, this desperate dweeb was STILL trying to hit on her and acting like he has a chance at a kinky threesome. UGH GO AWAY BRENDAN. Even if Emily was straight, which she is not, it’s insulting that a scumpond loser like him thinks he’s anywhere near Emily’s league. You could not score a hot girl even if you were the last two humans alive and the world is in dire need of procreation, so don’t even try. Why don’t you just go back to the admissions office and masturbate to one of your university catalogues, okay? C YA NEVER.

Anyway, let’s go back to Hanna’s dumb ass. She’s already setting her plan in motion by digging a hole in the ground…WITH A GLASS. *banging my head against the wall* OH. MY. GOD. OHHHHHH MYYYYY GODDDDDD. It’s one thing to be stupid enough to bury the murder weapon behind a sorority house, but she doesn’t even have the ~*common sense*~ to bring a garden trowel with her!? Was she planning to spend all night to dig this goddamn hole? Or was she just planning to cover up the gun with some leaves and hope that nobody would ever notice???

I’m sorry in advance. I need to get this out of my system and vent out loud…*ahem* BUT HANNA IS SUCH A MOTHERFUCKING DUMB BITCH. SHE IS SOOOO IDIOTIC. OMFG WATCHING HER INFURIATES ME BECAUSE SHE IS SIMPLY *TOO* *STUPID* *TO* *LIVE*. HOLY SHIT, THE DEPTHS OF HER STUPIDITY STILL ASTOUNDS ME TO THE CORE. IN FACT, YOU TAKE HER TO GO GET A LOBOTOMY AND THE DOCTORS WOULD BE LIKE *peers inside miniscule brain* LOL JOB ALREADY DONE.

HANNA DOESN’T RECEIVE JUST ONE DUMB BITCH AWARD FOR THIS EPISODE, SHE GETS TEN OF THEM, FIFTY OF THEM, ALL OF THEM!!! HANNA MARIN DESERVES DUMB BITCH LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD FOR ALL HER DUMBASS ACTIONS. WHAT A DUMB BITCH OMGGGGG.

After The A Team was finished laughing their asses off at how stupid Hanna is, they end her misery quickly and called the po-po on her. It didn’t take long before the police caught her in the act. *BUSTED* Oh fan-fuckin’-tastic. Let’s see here… this dumb bitch got caught trying to bury the most incriminating piece of evidence against her mom, and now said evidence is in the police’s hands, and the circumstances are made even worse because it appears like Hanna was trying to hide this evidence. Predictably enough, everything that could go wrong with Hanna’s plan has gone wrong in the worst way possible. :(

Just a friendly tip. Maybe Hanna and her mom can share a lawyer. Kisses – A

A was like *lolololol* after Hanna gets arrested by the police and escorted out of the premises by three officers. Hmm, let’s see how Mama Marin manages to get her daughter out of this mess. Damn, THREE police officers!?!? Ashley will have to multitask and work all night on her knees in order to erase Hanna’s criminal record this time around!

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15 Responses

  1. Default avatar Angela September 8th, 2013 / Sunday

    Awesome Recap! I can’t even begin to express my frustration for how stupid Hannah is! Even this is an all time low for her -_-! I still think I’d be hilarious if Hannah was head A, and she’s just pulling a Mona. Maybe she’s all fooling us, and deep down she’s this evil diabolical mastermind.

  2. Default avatar Recap Everything September 8th, 2013 / Sunday

    OMG. I actually think what Hanna did in this episode is the DUMBEST thing to happen in all four seasons of Pretty Little Liars. When I was first watching this episode, my hands were on my face going like NOOOO WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT??? ;A; during multiple instances. Oh Hanna, you are such a dumb-dumb.

    My dream ending for PLL is finding out all four liars are actually part of The A Team all along. *lol* That’d be a mindblowing plot twist and it’d fit with the typical logic we expect from this show.

    • Default avatar Hoc September 8th, 2013 / Sunday

      Thats why Alison was so mean to the PLL, she’s the only one who truly realize how dumb these bitches are, probably that’s the reason she is still hiding.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything September 10th, 2013 / Tuesday

      lmao. Alison be like “These bitches are TOO DUMB. I do not want to be associated with so much stupidity, no thank you ma’am. *dons a wig and calls herself Vivian*”

  3. Default avatar DM September 9th, 2013 / Monday

    Oh wow this was fantastic!

    I canNOT wait until you do the next episode to see your take on Ravenswood ~ aka the town where every scene is shot through an instagram filter.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything September 10th, 2013 / Tuesday

      Glad you enjoyed it. Next episode is gonna be a floozy~ We need to go in on that Ravenswood business and also Aria’s cyber bullying storyline zomg.

  4. Default avatar DarkAngel September 10th, 2013 / Tuesday

    Mama Montgomery’s been taking lessons from KarateJake and decided to try out her moves, not realizing that it’s meant for people not tiny stinging insects. She should get at least one of Hanna’s dumb bitch awards.

    Hanna of course gets the rest of the 199 of them. OMG, I was screaming at the TV when Spencer left her alone. She knows how much of a dumbass Hanna is, but I guess that stupid phone bird is filling up her mind.

    When I saw the scratches in the room I thought know we know where Caleb goes during the full moon.

    The Liars are always getting other people in trouble or killed. That’s why Jenna’s always screaming at them to stay away from her (besides Emily of course) she knows that they are the Grim Reapers of Rosewood. I’m convinced Alison faked her own death to get away from them.

    I can’t wait for your take on the Ravenswood craziness.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything September 12th, 2013 / Thursday

      I was surprised Mama Montgomery wasn’t covered with stings from head to tie afterwards, it was just a small patch over the neck, so I guess she won the fight against the beez. Either that or the makeup department just didn’t bother this episode.

      Hanna deserves all the dumb bitch awards in the universe omgggg. I can’t believe Spencer would leave Hanna alone and then take a leisurely stroll exploring every inch of the sorority house before returning to Hanna again. Why, Spencer, why? D:

      I think it was a full moon this episode so that’s why Caleb couldn’t supervise his girlfriend. He was gone for one eppy and Hanna made all hell break loose.

      No wonder Jenna went to extremes like transferring schools, hiring random bodyguards, and faking her blindness just to get away from the liars’ path of destruction. Stay strong girl~

  5. Default avatar Adrien September 15th, 2013 / Sunday

    Omg. Hanna tho. I remember in Season 1 when she actually kinda had a brain. Spencer never fails me with her spoiled rich bitch act. To be honest I’m not surprised. She grew up with a new age robotic shower. lol. I look forward to your recaps for the next episodes. :D

    • Default avatar Recap Everything September 25th, 2013 / Wednesday

      Emily lives in her *hot girl* bubble while Spencer lives in her *rich bitch* bubble. They are both hilarious oblivious in their own way *lol*

  6. Default avatar Theo September 21st, 2013 / Saturday

    I HATE how Hanna changes from “book stupid” to “stupid stupid” depending on the writer. We’ve seen this girl do stupid stuff a hundred times, but this is fucking stupidity.

    And to think she was the one who thought about putting on loud music in the S3 finale so A wouldn’t be able to listen to their plans -_-

    • Default avatar Recap Everything September 25th, 2013 / Wednesday

      Hanna’s stupidity has reached the point of absurdity at this point. I do think it depends on the writer and how they want to move the plot forward in any particular episode, so she swings between a 1 to a 1000 on the dumbass meter.,

  7. Default avatar Socially Awkward October 20th, 2013 / Sunday

    So funny story about Emily wanting to major in biology. In Season 1, I think, we see Spencer helping Emily with her biology homework–or basically, Spencer doing Emily’s biology homework for her. Lawlz.

  8. Default avatar Fashion police November 10th, 2013 / Sunday

    I honestly still can’t believe what Aria wears!!!! like wtf, it’s awful…………..blah and honestly Hanna is like to dumb, how is that even possible ???!!!

  9. Default avatar Goo November 11th, 2013 / Monday

    <This is literally my reaction to Hanna's decision. I mean if your gonna bury something, don't do it with A GLASS! You've got to be kidding me, a glass! (o_O). And how about throwing it in a lake or a pond (oh wait, that didn't work out very well either…) I mean out of all the things she could of done, she goes to a college campus to BURY A FRICKEN GUN! Oh, great recap by the way, cracked me up as usual.

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