Season 4 Episode 3, Cat’s Cradle, Pretty Little Liars Recap

Who will go to prison first? Mama Fields for abusing her daughter, or Mama Marin for murdering a man in cold blood? Place your bets here, folks!

Hey, remember Zack? It has been a while since we last saw Mama Montgomery’s little scrumptious studmuffin. Apparently, they’re still a couple…BUT NOT FOR LONG!

Zack announces that he’s going away to Austria for a year to become an international man of pastry, and he wants Ella to come travel with him. Normally, this sounds like the typical excuse to break them up and write his character off the show, so I thought he was one foot out the door already when Ella shockingly agrees to go with him? She was like *screw my family* and *screw my job* and *screw my home* b/c mama wants to have some HOT SAUCY PHUN!

BTW Zack might possibly be one of the most animated human beings on the planet. This guy’s face tells a million stories. I counted at least 200 different facial expressions as he was talking to Ella in a single scene. He works every part of his body too – here he is raising his eyebrow, and here he is twitching his nostril, and here he is doing that little sideway smirk thing. It’s like watching some kind of theatrical gymnastics happening on his face!

At first, Ella didn’t want to abandon her responsibilities to bum off with some guy halfway around the country.

Aria: Are you gonna go?
Ella: There was a split second when I thought about buying a ticket and going with him.
Aria: Only a second?
Ella: You’d be surprised how long a second can last.

Wow, that is possibly the last thing any man would want to hear a woman say about them! Zack will forever be known as Mr. One Second from hereafter. I guess we finally found his fatal flaw though – good looking guy, great personality, sucks in bed. It’s just the laws of the universe working to restore balance and ensuring that the perfect man never exists.

Aria: I need you to go to Vienna with Zack! Go with him! I’m ordering you to follow your bliss.

Oh Ella, you need to ~*follow your bliss*~ and pursue after the butterfly that will guide you through your preordained destiny. *lol* This is such a classic Aria-ism and I’m totally gonna use it in all my future recaps.

The real reason why Aria wanna get rid of Mama Montgomery is because A has been targeting all of the mommies this season. Aria is a smart little cookie who has a mentality along the lines of MOM GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!! X_X She wants to deport her mom in order to *protect* her, similar to how you might send your wives and kids away from a country at war.

Here is Ella’s dilemma: if she goes to Vienna, dis bitch is gonna come across like some deadbeat parent who walks out on her children every time a hairy dick comes swinging in her face. But if she stays in Rosewood, Zack is guaranteed to shack up with another ho and he’ll never be heard of again. So, Mama Montgomery is weighing her options and feeling quite conflicted.

Ella: I’ve thought about this a lot and it just wouldn’t be easy for anybody.
Aria: Passion isn’t supposed to be easy! It’s supposed to be passionate!
Ella: I’m not going to sit here and discuss passion with my daughter.

PASSION IS SUPPOSED TO BE PASSIONATE! Yet another nugget of wisdom from our favourite human guru, Aria Montgomery.

Aria is acting all like BAKING BAGELS IN AN AUSTRIAN CASTLE IS THE EPITOME OF ROMANCE. She insists her mom must go on this ~*exotic journey*~ with Zack so that Aria can be inspired and write cute little fanfics about their May-December romance.

Aria: Mom, please do this! Please! I need the inspiration!
Ella: It’s certainly something to tell the grandkids…

And what story would that be? “Oh, I missed my daughter’s graduation so I can watch my ex-boyfriend put sprinkles on a cupcake.” Yeah, great story grandma! *goes back to playing on my gaming console*

After Aria successfully got Ella and Zack to go on their foreign SEXCAPADE, Jake asks her: “Do you have anything better to do with your time than meddle with other people’s love lives?” and Aria was like NOPE! And then Jake asks her: “Will you miss your mom?” and Aria was like NOPE! And then Jake also asks her: “Hey, do you think my character will have any personality beyond being a pair of biceps in a tank top?” and Aria was like NOPE!

Aria had an interesting quote earlier in the episode when she looked upon Mama Montgomery and Mr. One Second with so much envy.

Aria: Is it weird to be jealous of your mom’s love life?

Oh my god, this bitch just hooked up with Jake last episode and she’s already on the prowl for a new man in her life. And not just any man, but her momma’s man too! If Aria could have her way, you know she’d drop Jake like a hot potato and go running straight into Zack’s lips. Bad Aria! Zack is taken! Stick with your own man! It’s time this girl learn some discipline and keep a boyfriend for a while before macking on the next one!

Sorry folks, I’m just not feeling Jake’s character at all. This episode, he proves that he’s all muscles and no substance. During his date with Aria, they’re watching a black-and-white film together, and Jake was saying dumb shit like “Y R THERE NO COLOURS ON THE TEEVEE? IS IT BROKEN?” And Aria just shot him a look like his momma dropped this dumbass on his head when he was a child.

Aria: …are you ferreal? Do you not know a black-and-white movie works? O_O
Jake: *awkward pause* Ahhhh, gotchya! Had you going there for a sec, huh? HA HA HA HA HA.

This bitch totally meant what he said earlier, until he realized his lame joke backfired and then he tried his best to save face afterwards. Oh Jake, let this be a lesson to you, feigning ignorance and stupidity is not a cute colour on you, so stop it.

Do people actually like Aria and Jake together? Ergh, but his character is such a numbskull. He’s so uncultured and unsophisticated, he can’t even sit through a black-and-white movie for ten seconds without making juvenile remarks. We all know Aria is this faux artsy intellectual type, so I can’t see what she has in common with some dumb jock, The two of them are basically incompatible with each other. I mean, any relationship is still better than Ezria, but I don’t think Jake is that much of an upgrade. :\

Aria isn’t looking for anything serious with Jake anyway. This guy ain’t nothing more than a rebound and a casual fling. She’ll keep riding his dick and then hop off as soon as some other new hottie is introduced to the show.

Jake: Why does it make you so nervous, the idea that I might not like something as much as you do?
Aria: I just wanna make sure we have stuff in common, y’know?
Jake: It’s great to have things in common, but if people match up too much, there aren’t any surprises.
Aria: Yeah, that’d be pretty dull.
Jake: And I don’t think you like dull.

…says the most boring basic bitch on the show at the moment! Jake seriously needs to take off multiple layers of clothes if he wants us to get invested in his character. Because right now, he ain’t doing it for me!

The boo-boo on Emily’s shoulder hasn’t healed yet, so the doctor recommends ~*da drugz prescriptionz*~ to make her feel more comfortable. Since Emily was all like “oh yay i love popping pills! *downs a bottle right there on the spot* u got some more? :)”, the doctor is legitimately concerned about her well-being and her suspicious behaviour.

Unfortunately, this doctor is a bit of a douche, so he goes ahead and phones Emily’s mom to snitch about her daughter’s drug problem. This guy has too much time on his hands. I can just imagine him on the phone like a gossipy teenage girl, going like: “Psst psst, Pam! I know a secret about your daughter that you don’t know~”

BTW, Dr. Douche Vargas has a miniature sculpture of a naked guy that’s mooning his patients. *lolwtf* What kind of clinic is this sicko running here!?

Pam goes on the *WARPATH* when she finds out her daughter has been stealing from mommy’s medical cabinet of goodies. She confronts her pill-popping fiend of a daughter, but Emily immediately went into self-persevering denial mode: NOPE DRUGZ, NOPE TO DRUGZ, NOPE NOPE NOPE!

Emily: I’ve never taken it. *shrugs*
Pam: Emily, I checked the bottle! I counted the pills!

It should be pretty easy to count the number of pills in an empty bottle, just sayin’. *lol* Oh Emily, u so busted~

Emily gets caught in a lie and her response was *rolls her eyes & walks away from her mom*. LOL DIS BITCH. She thought she could get away with it by being like: “I’ve decided this conversation is now over. Have a nice day, Mrs. Fields~”

And then, something amazing happened. Mama Fields got all aggro on her daughter and pulls on Emily’s arm so hard like she wants to rip it out from her body! *omg* Emily was trying to fight off her mom’s death grip, but then Pam pulled out an iron rod and started beating her child with it!!! *omg* Okay, that didn’t really happen, but it’s just to illustrate the severity of their public spectacle.

A few seconds later, Pam changes from monster mode back into human mode. She lets go of Emily after realizing how bad this spectacle looks, which is disappointing because the MOTHER VS. DAUGHTER DEATHMATCH is now officially over. I’m sorry to report there were no casualties. :(

When they got back home, Emily’s mom received a lovely phone call from family services, because A called the authorities and went like *lol child abuse*.

Pam: Apparently, somebody thought I was a little excessive with you outside the school, so they called family services. And some snippy little bureaucrat says they detect some kind of pattern. Your shoulder, how you wound up in the hospital with an ulcer, the trouble you had with the police, the fact your dad is away so much…

Hey Pam, don’t forget the rampant homophobia that did irreversible damage to your daughter’s self-esteem! Let’s not leave that egg out of the basket! (FYI, Recap Everything *never* forgets or forgives.)

The social worker even called Dr. Douche Vargas to get some more dirt on Emily’s family. Why am I not surprised this gossipy little bitch got his nose involved somehow? Right after he threw Emily under the bus, he turned around and immediately threw her mother underneath the bus as well! Dr. Vargas is a fucking douchebag!

And then A sends a picture of Emily’s mom behind prison bars. *lmao* Whoever came up with this storyline is an evil genius because these scenes have given me endless hilarity and so much material to work with.

Pam is like one of those characters that I really love to hate. She has some redeeming qualities, but she also has several huge character flaws as well. Most of her actions & her reactions are too ridiculous for a normal human being (kinda like Aria), but I just find everything about her funny. Including this child abuse plot, which shouldn’t bring me so much joy, but I cannot stop cracking up. I can’t wait to see where this storyline takes us~ :D

Elsewhere, we get a quick follow-up on Hanna’s boyfriend’s uncle’s storyline from last season. It turns out Pastor Ted made a mistake and discovered somebody else switched the church bells, which means he fired Caleb’s dad due to an entirely baseless accusation, hooray!

Here are my two cents:

1.) lol Jamie Doyle, u got pwnt

2.) Pastor Ted put somebody out of a job because he didn’t bother to verify the details before making the accusations, so this guy is a bit of an asshole. However, this also means we’ll never have to hear from Caleb’s father ever again, so thank the lord for PASTOR TED OWNAGE!

We also get an update on Hanna’s wicked stepsister, Kate. The last time we saw that dreadful Katezilla creature, she was signing autographed nudie pix of herself.

1.) Since then, we finally find out that she got pulled out of Rosewood High by her parents.

2.) The tension between the two Marin families have gotten so bad, they now communicate through attorneys.

3.) This wasn’t mentioned on the show, but I’m guessing Kate is at the point in her career where she’s deciding between webcam shows and amateur porno. Maybe she’ll even send some new nudie pictures of herself in another episode if we’re lucky. ;D

Since Caleb no longer has a father to harass on the show anymore, he goes for the next best thing and contacts his future-father-in-law instead. Papa Marin tells Caleb some interesting details about the night of Detective Wilden’s murder. Mama Marin actually visited his house that night (aka. booty call) and asked him for money (aka. paid sexual favours omg) but she left before he could pay up. The interesting part is Papa Marin now discovers that he’s *missing* a gun stored in his house, ruh-roh!

Ashley: Don’t worry, Isabel. I’m not here to steal your husband. I’m just here to steal his gun~~~

Oh dear, the investigation is looking more and more incriminating against Gunslinger Ashley Marin. To make matters worse, Hanna also discovers some holes in her mom’s alibi, proving that she wasn’t really at the New York business seminar thingamajig, because mama was too busy shooting eleven bullet holes into Detective Wilden’s body! *bang bang bang*

Hanna realized her mom was lying about the trip to New York by rummaging the trash can in her office. Is anybody else alarmed that Hanna has been going through a lot of garbage bins lately? Last episode, she also found Mama Marin’s muddy heels in the kitchen trash, so this investigation of hers is getting a little unhygienic. She can go dumpster diving all she wants, but I just hope Hanna uses hand sanitizer afterwards!

I’m loving all these ~*dramatic*~ shots of Mama Marin looking all grim and morose. Later in the episode, we get a bathroom scene with Ashley (HEY HEY~) where the camera pans up her body and she has this forlorn expression on her face as the bathtub slowly fills with water. Oh my god, it was like watching a scene out of some theatrical production, starring Ashley Marin as Lady Macbeth. *lol*

P.S. It doesn’t matter how many baths you take gurl, you can’t wash your sins away~~~

Did you know you can just walk into a police precinct and take a public tour of their rooms like you’re visiting the museum? That’s exactly what Hanna did. She waltzed right into some police evidence room and nobody even cared to stop her. -_-”

It’s one thing when there’re security breaches with nobody around, but this is the police headquarters with dozens of law enforcement officers keeping guard. Yet, this bitch with her bright turquoise jacket managed to go undetected as she sneaks into a room. *exasperated sigh* Oh my god. Every time you think the Rosewood police couldn’t get any more incompetent, they manage to disappoint you a little more.

Inside the room, Hanna discovers a board with PICTURES! AND LINES! AND STICKY NOTES! It’s a ~*murder board*~ containing all those connected to Detective Wilden’s death and every PLL character is a potential suspect, hooray! Looking at the complexity of this board, all I can say is somebody takes their PLL obsession a little too seriously. Wow, talk about information overload!

Since the mission statement for Recap Everything is to *literally* recap everything, rest assured we’ll cover every visible nook and corner on this board. We will also overanalyze each insignificant detail to death, overlook the actual relevant evidence that matters, and fabricate facts out of thin air if we must.

LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED~~~

a.) First of all, I wanna know who those two bitches are hiding at the edge of the board. I see them! Why are they trying to hide? More importantly, who the hell are they!? We’ve never met them before! Are they Season 5 PLL characters that haven’t been introduced to the viewers yet? Just watch these two irrelevant nobodies appear next season and the show acts like they were part of the narrative ALL ALONG.

My gut intuition tells me that one of them killed Detective Wilden, while the other one killed Alison DiLaurentis! ZOMG. :O :O :O

b.) I thought this board was supposed to map out all the potential murder suspects. However, it seems like the PLL police are just a bunch of fanatical shippers who are more concerned with figuring out the *romances* and *relationships* between the characters.

Police: ohmigawd, are Noel and Jenna dating each other!? I MUST FIND OUT.

c.) The police made a note stating the need to confirm Jenna’s alibi, because even they were like *lol bitch lyin*.

d.) Is it just me or does anyone feel like Jenna’s picture is staring straight into your soul? Eeeeeek. ;A;

e.) There’s a note that says ARIA WOULD DO ANYTHING INCLUDING LIFE SACRIFICE FOR SPENCER. #TEAMSPARIA which seems a bit questionable to me. I know Aria & Spencer are good friends, but I dunno if I’d classify their friendship as *100% devotion*. Also, notice their relationship line is not reciprocal? Aria would do anything for Spencer, but Spencer is like ehhhh *uncertain hand motion* towards Aria.

f.) When I first watched the episode, I thought they put the “Aria’s other man?” label for Mike at first. *omglol* I was like…did the Rosewood police just imply ~*incest*~ between the Montgomery siblings? Did PLL just go there!? FUCK ME. O_O

And that’s when I noticed there’s a separate line indicating it’s another man, but my original assumption was a lot more fun.

g.) Did you see the quotation marks around the “Dr.” pre-fix for Dr. Kingston? OHHHHH THE SHADE! Hey Wren, you just got DISSED by the Rosewood police! *lmao*

h.) Amazingly, Melissa’s picture isn’t covered with sticky notes considering she’s the guiltiest mofo on this side of Rosewood. I’m positive that she committed AT LEAST one murder on the show, if not every single one of them. The police also commented that ~MASTERMIND MELISSA~ is too smart to get caught tho.

i.) OH HAI IAN, LONG TIME NO SEE~~~ ^_^

j.) Holy crap, you can tell the police totally think Spencer killed Alison. Her picture is surrounded by words like: MOST TO GAIN? POWER PLAY? THREATENED BY ALISON? I’m surprised they didn’t just sprawl MURDERER across her picture. I guess the police don’t have enough evidence to nail her ass yet, but poor Spencer is in the danger zone!

k.) I love how they depict the hostile dynamic between Spencer and Alison. Oh no, Spencer is not merely a murderer… She’s a POWER PLAYER, baby! And did she kill for profit!? Did she kill because of passion!? Or did she kill out of fear!? OMG, they’re reading so much ~*intrigue*~ into this petty high school rivalry. Methinks some police detective read too much Game of Thrones when designing the board.

l.) Somebody asked who profits from Alison’s death. Um, obviously the human species? We can all rejoice and sigh in relief at the death of an evil superpower like Alison DiLaurentis. VICTORY 4 HUMANITY.

m.) Poor Dr. Sullivan gets so little respect that she doesn’t even get the “Dr.” in quotation marks treatment. They just call her Sullivan, so I don’t think the police acknowledges her as a legitimate doctor. *lol*

n.) LOL MAMA MARIN U SCREWED. The police is onto you! They actually don’t have any physical evidence against her yet, but the detectives are like “Better include this bitch on the board just in case. She looks capable of murder sooner or later.”

So finally, Officer Holbrook returns from his coffee break and interrupts Hanna before she could take any pictures. He immediately kicks her nosey ass out of the room.

Holbrook: *creeping up on u* CAN I HELP YOU!?
Hanna: Oh good, a tour guide! Can you help me hold the camera? I’d like to take some pictures please! :)

How many security protocols did Hanna just break? I’m guessing all of them. *lol* She probably racked up a couple of felony offenses too, i.e. trespassing, tampering with evidence, lying to the police.

Considering Officer Holbrook is an eligible bachelor who recently arrived to Rosewood, it didn’t take long before one of the female characters sink their bloodthirsty fangs into him. Naturally, Melissa Hastings showed up at the precinct like clockwork, ready to bag herself a handsome police detective. Oh sure, she was supposedly brought in for *police questioning* or whatever. But deep down, I think we all know Melissa won’t be leaving the station without a full load in her mouth.

Melissa has always been a shady bitch, but her behaviour in this episode is especially erratic. All of a sudden, she comes marching into her sister’s room and declares: SPENCER LET’S DISCUSS THE MEANING OF ~*LIFE*~ And Spencer just reacts like *wtf take ur meds*.

Melissa: Do you ever think about how much has changed? All the people that are gone? What does it all mean???
Spencer: *wut* -_-“

Meanwhile, Melissa continues rambling in that bitchy singsong voice of hers. She isn’t saying anything really that nasty, but you can still detect a slight unpleasant undertone in the tremor of her voice. We’ve all heard of the *stank eye* and the *stank face* before, right? Well, Melissa has what I’d like to call the *stank voice*, that’s exactly what she sounds like.

Melissa: You asked me a question once. If it came down to protecting you or protecting somebody else, somebody else I love, who would I pick? What would your answer be if I asked you the same question? If you had to choose, what would you do?

Oh my god, Melissa. Calm the fuck down with your profound philosophical questions. It’s an interesting dilemma though, and it kinda gives us insights to what Melissa’s motivations are. Maybe? Or maybe not? Anyway, it’s pretty clear what Spencer’s answer would be. If she had to choose between saving Melissa and Toby for the last remaining spot on the life raft, well…hope you had a good fulfilling life while it lasted, Melissa. *pushes her off*

Speaking of Toby, it’s that time in the recap where we’ll discuss the interesting parts about his DEAD MAMA STORYLINE…which would be absolutely nothing. Okay, end of discussion. The only highlight (lowlight?) is when Toby started climbing the window like he’s Spiderman, which was pretty lulzy. For a moment there, I thought he was gonna *jump out the window* like mama like son, but that didn’t happen because it would end our suffering too soon and we still have NINE MORE EPISODES OF TOBY ANGST to trudge through.

You guys, I’m not sure if I’ll have the strength to continue watching scenes about Toby’s dead mama anymore. I might seriously be the next one to jump out the window at this rate. X_X

ZOMG TWIN TWIST!!! Oh never mind, that was just me wearing a mask with Alison’s face. ^_^

For some reason, all the liars are spazzing out because this mask is an ~*exact replica*~ of Alison’s face, but I honestly don’t see the resemblance. AT ALL. Am I missing something here? Is it like one of those puzzles where I have to look at things from a different angle? I mean, I don’t recognize any evidence of Alison within that mask, but I guess I’ll play along for the show’s sake.

The pretty little liars go off to investigate the origins of the mask, leading them to the Creeper of the Week, aka. some eccentric mask maker who lives in the middle of the woods. Hector Maskmaker offers to spill all of Alison’s sekrits, but in exchange, he must be allowed to carve out Emily’s face and hang her skin mask on his wall temple or something. x_x

The process of making a mask is actually super freaky. It’s like having a thick layer of plaster applied directly on your face, so you can’t really see anything or move around at all. The worst part is that you’re stuck in a seat with all five of your senses severely weakened. You’re completely at the mercy of your mask maker…which, in this case, is a big creeper who utters lines like: “I VANT YOUR FACE!” & “YU WOULD MAKE A GOOD MEDUSA!” So, in other words… lol emily u in danja gurl~

Aria is super creeped out by Hector and grabs onto the nearest weapon that she can find…

OMG! HOLY SHIT ARIA. PUT DOWN THAT HAMMER, YOU VIOLENT THUG. Just because that guy acts a little peculiar doesn’t mean you’ll have to go and pummel him to death!!! Whatchu gonna do with dat hammer, boo!? Was Aria planning to hit him like she’s aiming for the high score in the whack-a-mole game!? Girl, you need to calm the fuck down!

Hanna: OMFG ALISON IS ALIVE!!! No wait, that’s just my reflection in the mirror. Never mind. ^_^

Elsewhere, Hanna goes snooping around Hector Maskmaker’s store looking for dem clues among his mask collections. Sidebar: Have you noticed that Hanna is acting super nosey lately? Dis bitch is like doing the most~~~ She’s searching through trash, she’s snooping into rooms, and she’s sticking her nose in where it don’t belong. She kinda reminds me of a rodent that’s scrambling all over the place. *lol*

At last, the pretty little liars discover a new clue!

Hanna: Guess what I found! *pulls out mask*
Spencer: OMG IT’S EXACTLY MELISSA’S FACE!

……but it looks nothing like her? WHY CAN’T I SEE THE RESEMBLANCE??? D: D: D:

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20 Responses

  1. Default avatar ash September 2nd, 2013 / Monday

    I cannot tell you how much I love these recaps! I think I enjoy them more than the actual show.
    Anyway, this episode…I know Aria wants her mom safe and all, but really Ella? She has a daughter who was psycho-stalked, involved in several police investigations, and in a predatory relationship with her teacher. And her son has serious mental health concerns. Hm yeah lets skip the country for a year with a guy you’ve known for a few weeks.
    I’m so glad I’m not the only one who sees zero resemblance with those masks. Still not sure how they came to the conclusion that it was Melissa’s face, but I agree with you she is extremely shady and must be involved in SOMETHING.

    Please keep up this hilariousness :) It seriously makes my day

    • Default avatar Recap Everything September 3rd, 2013 / Tuesday

      Mama Montgomery is behaving like she’s the *reckless teenager* in her family. I mean, clearly her children aren’t even in her Top 10 list lol. What a baller~

      Dem masks carry no physical resemblance, which makes it even more peculiar when the characters and the show makes it sound like they see an IDENTICAL MATCH OMG.

      Melissa is SO SHADDDDDDY omg. I can’t wait until they reveal she was the mastermind puppet master in the final episode of the final season. ^_^

  2. Default avatar George September 2nd, 2013 / Monday

    looooooooooooved it!! keep the coming fast :)

    • Default avatar Recap Everything September 3rd, 2013 / Tuesday

      Thank you, I am on a roll with these rapid fire recaps lately, eh?

  3. Default avatar DarkAngel September 2nd, 2013 / Monday

    I’m surprised that Aria didn’t make a play for AnimeZach, but I suppose he’s not an authority figure, so there’s no appeal. Yeah, I agree Jake’s boring but all of Aria’s storylines are boring so nothing’s changed. Although if Jake started randomly dancing while shirtless it might liven up Aria’s show.

    There is no parenting your child in Rosewood, you’re supposed to go to Out of Town all time, ignore that your children are being stalked, let them run wild around town and get murdered or be the murderer. That’s what all the cool parents are doing.

    Maybe they should be known as the Rosewood “Police” Department.

    Hahaha Sullivan doesn’t even get quotation Dr. by her name. I don’t blame them, I mean this the woman that diagnosed Mona as a God to explain her super powers. And is that a mug shot photo of Sullivan? Everyone else has glamour shots and her’s looks like she just killed someone.

    Fake “Dr” Wren is awesome because he’s Rosewood’s surgeon, general practitioner, psychiatrist, and probably pediatrician (you know he’ll want to get ahead with the next crop of teens) . He’s everything but a shoulder doctor, Emily should have taken some poisoned sports lotion again. Because we know Wren would not have called her mom (she’d probably have to perform a sexual favor, but her mom would never know :D)

    Those masks definitely looked like random people. Alison and Melissa would’ve not have been my first guesses.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything September 3rd, 2013 / Tuesday

      Aria probably pencilled in a hook-up with Zack some time next season. This girl’s romantic schedule is so booked already that she needs to start making appointments six months in advance.

      After two episodes, I have pretty much given up on any interesting personality out of Jake, so the only potential left to explore with his character is purely physical. SHIRTLESS OR GTFO plz & ty

      I’m so impressed Wren specialized in the One-In-All Medicine field. lololol @ him being a pediatrician though, that should totally be his future calling. Wren probably didn’t take on Emily as a patient because he doesn’t foresee any potential to hook up with her. No sex = no actual doctoring. Although being a lesbian hasn’t stopped Emily from marking on Nate in the past, so who knows?

      Gurrrl, I think that’s probably the picture they took of Sullivan when she got taken into Radley as a patient herself. Seems like these days, everyone and their mothers (literally in Toby’s case) had *roots* in that asylum.

  4. Default avatar Abrightgirl September 2nd, 2013 / Monday

    This episode bored the hell out of me. I wanted to fall asleep watching it but I was laughing so hard at this. (btw 20 brownie points to you for posting three in a row :D)
    But don’t forget that Melissa and Jason hooked up in high school so the show *has* implied incest before lol.
    Before this episode (okay, before the premiere aired) I was already on Team Jaria but I’m disappointed that they don’t have much of a spark. Aria needs to find someone (in the distant future) that will help her realize that you actually *can* have fun with some guy who is not your *first love*. I think in her mind, it’s Ezria4ever (God I can’t wait until she finds out he’s A) but that bitch needs to move around a bit. And once Jake doesn’t work, she’s gonna crawl right back into Ezra’s arms. *gags*
    And I didn’t see the resemblance in the masks either. I kinda saw where they were coming from with Ali’s but even two months later I don’t know how Hanna saw that thing and immediately thought of Melissa. They were probably just looking for any excuse to pin her ass on the murder or whatever they accused her of in the next episode.
    Let’s talk about Toby now. Good lord dude. This is such a waste of time I can’t even get started. I understand getting a little shaken up by the fist message A sent him but to be crying in about 8/12 episodes this season? I was even okay with him crying in the 2nd episode when he found out his mom killed herself but I really don’t think I’ll be able to sit through another half season. (Watch them totally waste our time with this storyline and we find out she’s alive and was just in hiding this whole time. They already wasted half a season of our time on the Malcolm shit now that we know Ezra’s not the father. Or his he? Never put anything past PLL).

    • Default avatar Recap Everything September 3rd, 2013 / Tuesday

      Yeah this episode was pretty boring in some parts. I blame it on To boy’s dead mama taking a huge chunk of valuable screen time. X_X

      omgyes PLL already checked off incest from their list of taboo relationships long ago. They are never afraid to GO THERE~~~

      I think it was obvious from the start that Jake was just a rebound/temporary placeholder until the Ezria cycle resumes again. I was just really annoyed with Jake over the whole pretending not to know where the colors went. Like wtf stop it, you dumbass.

      THE TOBY ANGST never seems to stop omg. I feel like his characterization has been in a downward spiral for as long as I can remember. And I swear, if It is revealed that we put up with this dead mama shit for half the season and Mama Cavanaugh isn’t even dead, I. WILL. RAGE. Like, I will push that bitch out the window myself!

  5. Default avatar DM September 2nd, 2013 / Monday

    3 recaps in 3 days! LOVE IT! Keep them coming! :)

    • Default avatar Recap Everything September 3rd, 2013 / Tuesday

      Make that 4 recaps in 4 days! Can I keep going??? :O

  6. Default avatar Alex September 2nd, 2013 / Monday

    I think that the writers realized how one-dimensional Aria had gotten over the past season so they’re making a conscious effort to include in more of the -A storyline and it’s been SO much better than what she had to work with last year. Also, I love how Ella is going to Austria LOL Holly Marie Combs is getting fed up with the show too and wants out. Not saying I blame her. Can’t wait to see how you handle Mike’s return after being kept in a closet (wink) for a year now, and ESPECIALLY can’t wait to see your thoughts on Ravenswood, the only town in PA with its own Instagram filter.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything September 3rd, 2013 / Tuesday

      There’s one big reason why Aria has been a lot more tolerable to watch. She’s missing something this season – it starts with an E, ends with an A, and it’s not eczema. ;OOO

      LOL I’m packing my bags to AUSTRIAAAAA gurl. Couldn’t be any more out of the blue even if they tried.

      GURRRRRL. I can’t wait either until I get to the episode recap with Miss Mike Montgomery. I have a lot I want to say about that little closet case.

      I also cannot wait until we get to the episode with ~*Ravenswood*~, the town where colours and teenage girls go to disappear.

  7. Default avatar nikki September 15th, 2013 / Sunday

    okay, what about mama hastings? why was she not on the Chopping block for arrest? cause that woman gives new meaning to child abandonment and mental abuse. dude the way she acted when spencer was in radley, totally unsupportive, like I’d rather you be sick and silent than cured and a stain on our family name. and doesnt believe her daughter’s feelings towards a potential serial killer are real…oh stop pretending you’re scared of Ian, we all know you just want attention because you couldn’t have your sister’s boyfriend, you twisted little daughter of mine… and flies to anywhere but Rosewood when Spencer is in mortal peril…but maybe you’re right. thant woman can’t be arrested b/c shes a lawyer for the demonic law firm Wolf and Hart, and her recurring trips away are to Hell, where she gets her orders. Cant catch the devil after all.

  8. Default avatar Kayla September 25th, 2013 / Wednesday

    what the hell is that on the doctor’s desk. a pegging trophy?

    • Default avatar Recap Everything September 25th, 2013 / Wednesday

      I know, right? I didn’t even notice that thang until I was writing the recap, but I was like…is that a nude statue on his desk? *ARIA EYES O_O*

  9. Default avatar Kayla September 25th, 2013 / Wednesday

    also what kind of Microsoft paint photo editing was A doing with mama field’s picture bitch needs to step up her game.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything September 25th, 2013 / Wednesday

      The new A has been getting so lazy with her stunts, gurl~ All this new A cares about is giving kisses to the pretty little liars.
      I did laugh so hard at that picture tho. It’s always the simple things that get to me.

  10. Default avatar Anonymous January 1st, 2014 / Wednesday

    I wouldn’t put it past Aria to steal her mom’s boyfriend.

  11. Default avatar Raelyn May 6th, 2014 / Tuesday

    I was looking at the last pic (one of “Melissa’s face) and was all wtf? That’s not Melissa’s face! That totally Jenna’s! I mean, look at it!! Same lip form, the nose, everything! That is soooooooooo NOT Melissa, but Jenna…. just saying..

  12. Default avatar Emily September 2nd, 2015 / Wednesday

    Is it me or are there just way too many teenagers on that ~murder suspects~ board?

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