Season 3 Episode 7, Pretty Little Liars Recap, Crazy

Mama Montgomery goes on a date; Jason goes drunk driving; The liars discover Maya’s personal website.

This episode, we are introduced to a new character named Cece who’s basically a ~*mean girl*~ inside an adult woman’s body. When the pretty little liars first met her, all of them go like ZOMG TWIN TWIST because Cece looks and behaves exactly like Alison. The comparison seems grossly exaggerated to me since there isn’t much resemblance other than they’re both *blonde* and *bitchy*. I suppose their mannerisms are kinda similar? :\

Cece: Did Ali mention me to you guys?
Everyone: Nooo…

You must be a total nobody if Alison doesn’t even bother to talk trash behind your back! Also, it’s funny to watch Cece’s attempt at integrating herself like she was part of the show’s narrative ALL ALONG, instead of being some new character they created to stir up drama for an episode or two.

Here’s all you need to know about Cece Drake:

1.) It took Cece thirty seconds to make her first shoplifting dig about Hanna. You just know that a Hefty Hanna joke can’t be far behind.
2.) Her high school extracurricular activities are: prom queen (aka. bitchy), drama club (aka. fake) and debate club (aka. argumentative), so she’s going to fit right in with all the bitches on this show.

3.) She used to bang the daylights out of Jason DiLaurentis. Jealous yet?

4.) Cece works at a boutique store of horrors with a THREE-EYED BABY HOLDING A WATERMELON!!! *omgwtf* I don’t even know how to describe this satanic creature, but it’s seriously creeping the fuck outta me.

The set designers even shifted around the props so that we’ll see the artwork of the three-eyed baby front and centre. Like, what a completely bizarre choice for decorating a retail store. Would you wanna go shopping when there’s some kind of mutant baby staring at you with its evil third eye? O_o

I can’t decide whether I find the three-eyed baby more or less evil than Nate, who confirmed in this episode that he (probably) killed Maya. One major clue is when Nate claims he recognized a pair of earrings that his cousin wore, and then Emily was like “Um, I bought her those earrings right before she got killed…” and then he said “YEAH I REMEMBERED SEEING THEM WHILE I WAS BLUDGEONING HER TO DEATH” or something to that effect.

Okay, maybe the show wasn’t that obvious, but I watched enough TV to know a vital clue when I see one. There are even some crack conspiracy theories online about how Nate isn’t actually Maya’s cousin, so I’m jumping on that bandwagon since I don’t like giving ppl the benefit of the doubt.

Toby attempts to have a serious conversation with his girlfriend about all the sekrits that she’s keeping from him, but Spencer is like DON’T TRY TO CALEB ME BITCH, because we already went down this same storyline route just a few episodes ago and the results weren’t pretty.

Their heated exchange about Hanna’s church date fiasco leads to the unintentionally funniest line of the episode…

Spencer: WHY ARE YOU CHALLENGING ME!?!?

*rofl* Only Spencer could get away with an outrageously arrogant line like this. She was SO shocked that Toby actually DARED to voice an opposing opinion instead of behaving the obedient yes-man that his character was designated to be.

And Toby hits right back with an implication of incest. *lol*

Spencer: I was with Jason. You know the anklet that was turned in to the police? Well, he didn’t find that on his own…
Toby: So what? He needed somebody to keep him busy for the night?

Toby is acting like quite the jealous little madam, isn’t he? But I will forgive him since he shamelessly pimped out those biceps while making these moody faces at the camera. WERQ IT GURL~

Unfortunately for Toby, Jason also entered the ~*biceps competition*~ and kinda annihilated the competition. His character just comes trotting along without sleeves and instantly makes Toby’s arms look like skinny twigs. It’s not exactly a shirtless scene, but I’ll take it. Bring on the gun show, bam wham thank you ma’am!

Between Toby and Jason’s arms, Spencer must have gotten an eyeful this episode. In fact, she might have enjoyed the view a little too much if you ask me. Halfway during a conversation with her half-brother, Spencer couldn’t help but sneak a peek at dem arms. But oh like you wouldn’t!?

OMFG HIS FACE IS UP THERE SPENCER!!! KEEP YOUR EYES ABOVE THE NECK PLEASE!!!

Later in the episode, Jason gets all aggro because an innocent man is no longer accused of murdering his sister. He goes on a DRUNKEN RAMPAGE and eventually gets into a relatively mild car accident. Since the make-up department couldn’t be bothered to give him scratch wounds or put fake blood dripping from his forehead, you know it’s not a serious collision.

Spencer: Move over!
Jason: …what?
Spencer: I SAID MOVE OVER!!!!!

As if getting into a car accident wasn’t stressful enough, Jason also has to deal with his sister getting up all up his grill afterwards. The best part about this scene is watching Spencer act like a total head bitch in charge, because she was literally *roaring* into Jason’s face and bullying him around.

Leave it to Spencer to take a bad situation and make it ten times worse with her paranoid little brain. She must have thought a drunk driving offense wasn’t scandalous enough for the show, so the bitch raised the stakes and turned it into a hit-and-run felony by helping her brother flee the scene of the crime. Better yet, Toby proceeds to make up a fake alibi for her, and not even a believable one at that. So on top of the drunk driving & hit-and-run charges, now they’ve lied to the police too! GENIUS PLAN!!!

Luckily for them, Detective Wilden is in charge of investigating this case, so you just know his incompetent ass won’t put two and two together in spite of the atrocious cover-up story.

Wilden: We found your car at the crime scene…
Toby: OMG HER CAR GOT STOLEN~
Spencer: OH YA WHAT HE SAID~
Wilden: -_-“

BTW is Wilden like the only police detective in Rosewood? It seems as if he’s in charge of every criminal investigation that happens on this show, including the mystery of who stole the bubble gum in aisle five of the grocery store.

When you think about the whole thing, it’s kind of *epic* that Spencer took a simple DUI and twisted it into an elaborate criminal offense that could put both her brother & her boyfriend in jail. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill! Who needs A to mess things up when Spencer is already her own worst enemy?

Afterwards, Toby is freaking out because he’s actually involved in a relevant plot for once instead of going through more tedious relationship drama. Before this storyline happened, he was basically a watered down version of Caleb with his “omg y u no tell me everyfin spence?” brand of whining, so let’s thank our stars that they took a much less annoying route with his character.

Wow, I just realized the name of Emily’s workplace is called Rear Window Brew. Are they already setting up the Alfred Hitchcock references for the third season finale? If that’s the case, everything is starting to make more sense now – the photography motif, Toby’s new loft above the coffee shop… I’m not sure how all these clues will come together in the end, but consider me intrigued!

Nate has an upcoming date with Jenna, but that doesn’t stop him from hitting on Emily with his slickest moves. The dude has NO game since he comes out with a cringeworthy line like this:

Nate: I wouldn’t even be buying her this gift if the hottest girl in Rosewood was available. Or interested in guys.
Emily: *uncomfortable silence*

Ugh, what a tool. I really hope they don’t end up together because Nate’s character is so sleazy. Also, part of me thinks that if they’re gonna regress Emily’s development as a lesbian confident in her sexual identity and force her to hook up with a guy, it should be TOBY first and foremost so Nate needs to gtfo either way.

Emily gets all *stankface* because she’s appalled that Jenna might disrupt the natural PLL character hierarchy and actually hook up with somebody before Emily does this season. As a result, she tries to SABOTAGE the date by talking all kinds of dirty shite about Jenna beforehand, including how she used to date Garrett before he was accused of killing Maya!

She probably expected Nate to go all *stankface* at this revelation as well, but instead his reaction was more like COOL STORY BRO. In fact, his opinion of Jenna actually rose because he believes she could have been one of Garrett’s victims. Emily was like “wtf i was trying to be a catty and backbiting bitch here…” but apparently her sabotage backfired so now he’s looking forward to the date more than ever.

Luckily, Cece shows Emily how it’s done by calling up Jenna and threatening physical violence against her.

Cece: Hi, is this Jenna? The better question is who the hell are you and why are you going out with my boyfriend!? Oh you didn’t know? Because I think you did know and just didn’t care. Here’s what I know: if I ever see you anywhere near Nate, I will scratch your eyes out.

ROFL~~~ Y’know, Cece still has lonnnng ways to go before becoming even one-tenth of the evil sinister psychopath that Alison was, but this moment was a pretty good start!

Emily: What are you doing!? She used to be blind!!!
Cece: Oh? *scoffs* It’s not like we shot a unicorn, we’re helping your friend out.

WHAT AN AMAZING BITCH GODDESS. It’s terrible that I mostly root for the characters who act like atrocious thugs, but that’s what makes her so fun to watch. Can she stick around? Her character is a keeper.

I think the real mystery here is *WHY* Emily even has Jenna’s phone number in her cell in the first place. I didn’t think they were on such friendly terms with each other. Not to mention that it’s just a drunk dialling accident waiting to happen.

Predictably, Nate gets stood up by Jenna like a total chump, so I guess the end justifies the means. The best part is when Emily sees him alone in the restaurant, makes a few constipated faces, and then just walks away without even consoling him. Ouch!

HOTMAMMA HAS A DATE!!! Remember three episodes ago when Ella declared that she’s completely satisfied being a single woman who enjoys her newfound independence? Wow, that bullshit didn’t last long. But I’ll forgive her hypocrisy since Mama Montgomery sneaked in a pretty juicy zinger at her own daughter.

Aria: That’s what you’re wearing?
Ella: Well, I thought I was. Is it too much for a coffee shop? Wait, why am I asking you? You wear forks as earrings.

*lol*

Apparently, Ella met this perfect guy on the dating website and he turns out to be… Pastor Ted? *lolwtf* Holy crap, this guy isn’t even married to Ashley yet and he’s ALREADY cheating on her!!!

Part of me is rooting for Ella and Ted because it’d be HILARIOUSLY EPIC if there’s a love triangle between a pastor and the two mamas. I think I joked about this in one of my past recaps, so I was laughing my ass off when it looked like one of my wild speculations might actually come true.

Unfortunately, Mama Montgomery didn’t like the way he ate his ice-cream or something, because it reminded her too much of how Byron ate it? WTF I call bullshit. You just know “eating his ice-cream” must be some kind of underlying sexual euphemism for “tossing her salad” or the like. Methinks she probably didn’t appreciate the way Ted fidgeted with his spoon like he’s working a shift stick on a tractor.

Ella took one look at those sloppy wrist movements and immediately thought AIN’T NO WAY THAT ICE-CREAM SPOON IS GOING INSIDE MY CUP. DEAL BREAKER!!!

After one uneventful date, it’s the end of the greatest love triangle that never was. I feel sorry for poor Pastor Ted though. He doesn’t seem that bad of a guy, right? And he’s one of the few male characters who actually dates within his own age group, so it kinda sucks that all the women are rejecting him left and right. :(

My prediction: they should totally have Ted hook up with Emily’s mom, just to put a different spin in the whole cheating spouse storyline that PLL is so fond of. You know you wanna see it happen!!!

I think Ella secretly wanted her blind date to fail so she can hook up with the hunky pastry chef at the coffee shop instead. Like, Pastor Ted might be good husband material and all, but Barista Zack is the kind of stud that you wanna bang right there on kitchen floor.

The new barista stud instantly sweeps Mama Montgomery off her feet with his deadly apron’s chef and leather jacket combination, so poor Pastor Ted is basically an afterthought at this point. But you know what? I don’t think she can go wrong with either choice. Anybody is an improvement over Byron as far as I’m concerned, so Ella can go on as many dates with as many different guys as she wants!

As Ella contemplates between #TeamTed and #TeamZack, Aria delivers an amazing line that had me genuinely chortle with laughter.

Hanna: What’s up with your mom?
Aria: She’s a slut. Let’s just go to sleep.

OMGROFL & DYING~~~ She said it in such a deadpan manner too, which only makes the comment all the more hilarious.

Speaking of Zack… nothing against the new guy, but I will be devastated if his character replaced that cute gay hipster barista featured in the previous episodes. First Angie and now CGHB. They can’t introduce so many awesome barista characters in this season and then just take them away from us! :(

This episode, Aria visits Mona at the sanatorium to get some answers, which consists of these two bitches trading snide jibes at each other instead of saying anything important. The best part about her visit is when the nurse told Aria to take off her earrings because they’re considered too deadly. *lol*

Nurse: Please leave behind your purse, your cell phone, your camera, any lighters or matches, knives, pointy sticks, spears, arrows, grenades, firearms, drugs, pills, hallucinogen liquids AND THOSE EARRINGS.

Goodness knows if Aria walked through airport customs in her typical bling-bling, they’d detain her for at least 48 hours under suspicion of transporting weapons of mass destruction overseas.

Detective Wilden wants Hanna’s blood! And it’s not the sexy vampire kind either. He wants to take a blood sample to see if it matches the traces found on Alison’s anklet, which freaks out Hanna because that’s almost like handing over the evidence to A and saying “PLEASE INCRIMINATE ME!!!”

She also loses her shit after finding a booby-trapped Ouija board in her house, courtesy of A, because Hanna suddenly realizes that she has the worst home security ever. It’s strange that she experiences this epiphany now after A has been waltzing in and out of that kitchen like it’s a communal lobby since the show started.

Also, Hanna should have first-hand experience about how easy it is to break into a building, considering she and Aria had been doing the exact same thing at the mental asylum. I thought this place had *alarm systems* and *prison bars* everywhere, so it’s discomforting to know the two least discrete human beings managed to sneak in without getting detected. If that’s the best security that Rosewood has to offer, then I fear for the safety of all its residents. -_-”

FLASHBACK TIME: We get to meet Alison’s father in this episode! Papa DiLaurentis was involved in some petty drama with Hanna that’s not really worth recapping (something about Hanna tripping balls and telling everyone that she saw Ali). The only highlight is watching a full grown adult man throw a MAJOR BITCH FIT at a teenage girl in public. He was practically hissing, scowling and throwing devil signs at Hanna during his angry outburst. It was pretty ~*glorious*~.

Aria and Hanna were so absorbed in the flashback segment that they didn’t even notice Mona escaped from her asylum room until afterwards. I’m not exaggerating here – she was LITERALLY sitting right there in front of them. How could they NOT see her get up in the middle of the conversation and make a mad dash out the door!? *lmao*

When they found Mona, she starts speaking in this cryptic code which spells out her real message if you take the first letter of every word in her sentences. For instance, she says: “Miss Aria, you’re a killer, not Ezra’s wife” which is not only a subtle dig at Ezria, but it also stands for MAYA KNEW.

I thought this was actually a pretty clever way to unveil the clues. Except you know some crazy Pretty Little Liars fanatic will go back to analyze every line of Mona’s dialogue just to see if they hid any other messages (…and that PLL fanatic would be me. BRB~ :D)

Mona left behind the lamest clues ever: MAYA KNEW (o thx mona) and NOT SAFE (o rly mona?), but her third coded message contains a website URL …which leads to an ABC Family webpage with TONS of sponsorship advertisements in the real world, but it apparently links to Maya’s personal website in the PLL world.

The website is http://www.massugar.com which is ~*NFSW*~ not because there’s any adult content on the website, but do you really want your coworkers to know that you watch Pretty Little Liars? How embarrassing!

The pretty little liars get cockblocked by password protection so they can’t investigate her website until next episode. My first guess would be ILoveWeedMoreThanILoveEmily but that’s possibly too long for a password.

Read more recaps!

23 Responses

  1. Default avatar Anonymous August 6th, 2012 / Monday

    Thank You! You just made my day! :)

  2. Default avatar Anonymous August 7th, 2012 / Tuesday

    I love you and your recaps !! They make my day :-)

  3. Default avatar Anonymous August 7th, 2012 / Tuesday

    Hahahahaha!I've been going back and forth everyday waiting for this one. Fantastic recap!

    I really did like this episode, but come on, they can only push our imaginations so far. I actually laughed out loud when Mona suddenly disappeared when Aria and Hannah were in “flashback world”. So weird how those Aria eyes O.O didn't catch her.

    And I love how many times Aria got dissed over her earrings this episode. Shows you the show doesn't take itself too seriously sometimes (however, sometimes, it's the total opposite.)

    Looking forward to your recap of “Stolen Kisses.”

    Good day.

    – F.

    (I wish my name started with A. That would be so cool.)

  4. Default avatar Unknown August 7th, 2012 / Tuesday

    i love ur attention to detail. never thought the yearbook had relevant info – or that the url is REAL! PLL do exist! – nic

  5. Default avatar Anonymous August 7th, 2012 / Tuesday

    Actually, she's not flipping us off. That huge ring on her first finger just covers it up. XD

    -ANoelle

    Also, YAY, ANOTHER RECAP! I'm not all that interested in PLL after the 2nd season finale, so it's nice to be able to read these and get all caught up without having to sit through an hour of NOTHINGNESS.

  6. Default avatar Anonymous August 7th, 2012 / Tuesday

    As much as I love your PLL recaps, I can't wait for you to pick up on Teen Wolf!

  7. Default avatar Anonymous August 8th, 2012 / Wednesday

    Love love love your recaps! They actually have me laughing so much my own mother looks at me like I'm Phsyco Paige! What happened to Teen Wolf?

  8. Default avatar Anonymous August 10th, 2012 / Friday

    Hey hey hey. Yoo hoo. You there! Please do a Vampire Diaries recap. If you do, I will be forever indebted to you. I will put up fliers with your website URL on them, I will buy you a puppy dog, I will personally arrange for Ezra to be murdered, I will make you a cardboard cutout of Derek from Teen Wolf, I will get every single person I know to read your recaps, I will plant flowers in your honor, I will blackmail Marlene King into blinding Aria forever…ANYTHING. Just please, PLEASE recap The Vampire Diaries. You are the funniest blog in the world and that is my favorite show. Please, I'm begging you. Aria eyes! O_O

    • Default avatar Anonymous August 26th, 2012 / Sunday

      I loved that you mentioned my site! Thanks so much!

  9. Default avatar Anonymous August 20th, 2012 / Monday

    I just wanted to point out you got this line wrong;

    Toby: So what? He needed somebody to keep him busy for the night?

    He said “keep *me* busy” meaning Hanna kept him busy at the church party while Spencer went investigating with Jason. Not that it matters much. Very funny recap as usual.

  10. Default avatar Recap Everything September 7th, 2012 / Friday

    Aria & Hanna not noticing that Mona was gone until they returned from their flashback was just downright hilarious. The best part is that Mona basically walked to the other side of the building by the time that they even found out she was missing. Poor Mona must have been waiting in that room forever for those liars to show up. *lol*

    They need to make fun of Aria's earrings every episode. Those zingers were great. And I think the writing in PLL can be really clever when they put some effort, although I find the show mostly hilarious in an unintentional way too.

    -RE

  11. Default avatar Recap Everything September 7th, 2012 / Friday

    These recaps are too in-depth for their own good. *lol* I overanalyze the tiniest details while completely missing the most important ones related to the plot, haha.

  12. Default avatar Recap Everything September 7th, 2012 / Friday

    LMAO~ Now that you pointed it out, I see it was just her ring indeed. It's good to know that Maya wasn't basically flipping us all off. :D

    Most of the episodes are down to 10% PLOT and 90% FILLER so your assessment is pretty much correct. I do love watching the crap that they put together though, so I'll keep watching on your behalf~

  13. Default avatar Recap Everything September 7th, 2012 / Friday

    Thank you, and noted! I'm *definitely* planning to recap the second season of Teen Wolf again even if only two people still want to read them, so I'll add you to the tally.

  14. Default avatar Recap Everything September 7th, 2012 / Friday

    Thanks thanks thanks! I will pick up on Teen Wolf once I catch up on all the episodes. SPOILER ALERT: I actually haven't watched the last six episodes yet and managed not to be spoiled yet, miraculously enough. :O

  15. Default avatar Recap Everything September 7th, 2012 / Friday

    I'm so behind on that show. Haven't even touched one episode in the third season yet, so I don't know what's going on with the hot messes on that show anymore. ;_; A handful of readers have been asking me to recap The Vampire Diaries for a long while, and hopefully one day I'll be able to put together a few season recaps, but it's gonna be a lonnnng wait~ Sorry. :(

  16. Default avatar Recap Everything September 7th, 2012 / Friday

    Oh lol, you're right. I have a terrible habit of listening to whatever I want to hear and then misinterpreting it based on my own perverse mind, so that's probably what happened. *heh*

  17. Default avatar faniac February 12th, 2014 / Wednesday

    It was really amazing when u actually pointed da three-eyed baby
    lololol

  18. Default avatar Bm95 August 12th, 2015 / Wednesday

    So I just came back to read this after watching the season 6 finale and hahaha did CeCe really have a long way to become a psychopathic bitch like Alison though ;)

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