Season 3 Epsiode 19, Pretty Little Liars Recap, What Becomes of the Broken-Hearted

Spencer chokes a bitch; Aria finally makes out with Wesley; Jason dies in an elevator lolz.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…Spencer staring gloomily at a bowl of fruit.

Bravo, Spencer Hastings. Bravo. *slow clap* You have turned heartbreak and depression into a masterful art. Other teenagers with their emo poetry and razor blades have nothing on you. After all, you haven’t truly hit rock bottom until you’re sulking in the kitchen and blaming all of life’s problems on a piece of banana. :\

Just look at Spencer looking at dat banana with so much vengeance. She looks like she wants to throw that thing into a blender until it turns into some indistinguishable mush. That banana will surely rue the day it ever got put into Spencer’s directly line of vision!

Junk food and ice-cream can be your best friends after a bad break-up, but leave it to Spencer to go on a *health binge* by making veggie drinks or whatever. That green shit looks DISGUSTINGLY HEALTHY. Besides, I thought the whole point of ~*comfort food*~ is to make your bodies so fat and clogged with crap that you’ll die young, and thus your suffering will end comfortably sooner? Am I wrong in my logic?

ALSO, I WANNA POINT OUT THAT SPENCER DID NOT CLOSE THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SCENE. GIRL I KNOW YOU ARE HURTING BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOUR FOOD HAS TO SUFFER ALONGSIDE WITH YOU. CLOSE THE GODDAMN DOOR ALREADY BEFORE THE MILK GOES BAD!!!

SORRY BUT THIS IS ONE OF MY BIGGEST PET PEEVES EVER AND IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY THAT I HAVE TO TALK IN ALL CAPS GRRR. D= D= D=

Spencer’s friends are worried about her mental state because this multi-episode breakdown of hers is getting ridiculous. And when I say they’re *worried*, I actually mean they are *making snarky one-liners behind her back*, because that’s what these bitches do best.

Hanna: I think we’d know if Spencer was here. People would be running for cover. ^_^
Aria: Yeah, she’s living on planet free fall. ^_^

Aren’t you glad that Spencer’s deeply disturbed behaviour is a great source of amusement for these girls? Their friend is probably contemplating dark suicidal thoughts right now and they’re basically like “planet free fall lawl~”

Hanna: She needs to work through this pain, not cover it!
Aria: *scoffs* Okay, Dr. Hanna. Pretty sure when you and Caleb broke up, you locked yourself in your bedroom for two weeks and all you ate was Eskimo Pies.

Remember when Hanna was “too depressed to work a zipper” and then all her friends gave her shade over that very basic yoga outfit? Good times, baby~~~ I’ve concluded that the pretty little liars need to be heartbroken at all times. Their relationships scenes = BORING, but their break-ups = FUN FUN FUN.

Unfortunately, Spencer couldn’t even tell her friends about Toby’s real identity because Mona was like You rat out T, I take down 1 of your 3. – A. Her threat reminds me of a chess match where your opponent might retaliate by going like You take out one of my bishop pieces, I take down one of your knights. This is exactly the same scenario except it’s like ~*evil diabolical chess with real human lives at stake*~.

Spencer got kicked off from the decathlon team, because who would have guessed that ditching multiple weeks of school would carry actual consequences to her academic performance!?

Andrew: Spencer, I must take you off the team in the same way that I take off my glasses every time we share an intimate scene together.

WTF ANDREW!? How could you abandon Spencer like this!? A real worthy love interest would never!!! Can you believe this jackass already betrayed her before he even started macking on her!? At least Toby waited a couple of seasons before plunging that knife into Spencer’s back. Andrew did it by the time of his second appearance. :\

Apparently, the decathlon team took a vote on whether Spencer should get kicked off the team, but not even Spencer’s trio of loyal nerds could save her from those other jealous haters in the club.

Or should I say formerly loyal? If I have to take a guess, I’d say that shaggy haired nerd in the background might have flipped to the dark side long ago. Just look at this TRAITOR NERD switching allegiances faster than a Spoby fan becomes a Spandrew fan. As if it wasn’t already hurtful enough that both Toby and Andrew have betrayed her! ET TU, NAMELESS NERD NUMBER THREE!? =(

Spencer: Hey Mona, is there anything else you want to take away from me!?!?
Mona: *bats eyelashes*

I love Mona is silently cursing out Spencer with just her ~*eyes*~. We have reached a stage where this bitch doesn’t even need to say anything, yet she still comes across as downright diabolical without uttering a single word out loud. I don’t know if it’s possible to *telepathically insult somebody* but that’s probably what Mona was thinking in her head.

Later on, Andrew shows up at Spencer’s doorstep, begging for forgiveness because he’s vying for that coveted long-term love interest role on the show. So far, I think the fan response towards him has been surprisingly positive? If he plays his cards right (aka. continue flirtin’ and strippin’), I believe his character can bump up these recurring appearances into a more permanent regular role in Season 4+ and beyond.

Andrew: Spencer, I know how valuable you are to the team, but there’s a hundred-year-old war going on between you and Mona, and it’s a distraction. And we need to be thinking of one thing: winning this title. We can’t afford internal tension. War is a game that is played with a smile.
Spencer: STOP QUOTING MONA.
Andrew: That’s Winston Churchill.
Spencer: WELL HE SOUNDS A LOT LIKE MONA.

1.) First of all, I totally envision Andrew as the type of pretentious nerd who’d quote Winston Churchill just to impress a girl. Oh yes he would. *lmao*

2.) Between Dickinson and now Churchill, I love this recent trend of the liars misinterpreting quotes from established figures IRL. *lmao*

3.) In case you were wondering, Mona is on the exact same tier as Winston Churchill. That’s how epic she is. *lmao*

4.) Don’t you love how Andrew uses war analogies to describe Mona and Spencer’s relationship? Dude, it’s just an ongoing feud between two petty teenage girls in high school. Other countries aren’t going start bombing each other because of this “internal tension” that he speaks of, y’know? *lmao*

Spencer: *smugly* You know damn well that without me, you’re gonna be annihilated in world history!
Andrew: Think we got it covered.
Spencer: BY WHOM!?
Andrew: *smugly* By me.

1.) omg this is the nerdiest foreplay ever and it’s turning me on so much! OH YES MORE PLEASE!!!

2.) Dear Recap Everything, are you just gonna overanalyze every single line of dialogue between Andrew and Spencer in this episode? OH YES MORE PLEASE!!!

And then, the greatest PLL moment happened:

Spencer: For every question that I get wrong, I will take off a piece of clothing. Same thing goes for you. And the match isn’t over until one of us is buck naked.

Oh dear me. It’s a strip quiz, you guys. Pretty Little Liars outdid themselves by thinking of a way to get their characters naked under the most ridiculous context ever. Strip poker can be sexy, but strip history is just fucking absurd. To put it into perspective, PLL has reached a level of narrative that can be expected from a pornographic fetish film. Pat yourselves on the back, everyone. You are watching porn.

As soon as Spencer said that she was gonna SHOW MAH BEAVER, Andrew’s face immediately transformed into something that looks like this:

Here’s what I have to say about the strip history quiz:

1.) First of all, I need to assert my opinion that I find Andrew infinitely more attractive when he’s wearing glasses, so there’s a tiny discrepancy between the *reality* and the *sexual fantasy* playing out in my head.

I dunno, maybe I have a glasses fetish going on? My preference is that he looks better with dem glasses on. In fact, I believe the best version of Andrew consists of *glasses on* and *all clothes off*. Can we please agree about this before I post ten consecutive pictures of shirtless Andrew? kthx~~~

2.) I’d like to remind everyone that Andrew walked into the house with a jacket, a buttoned up shirt, and another t-shirt underneath. Not to mention that he was also wearing pants, socks, shoes (and glasses). The fact that he got stripped down to a pair of shorts by the end of the quiz, whilst Spencer only removed her sweater jacket, indicates that he’s not as smart as he claims to be. This guy is a looker, but his upstairs cooker might not be heating at full temperature. :\

RECAP EVERYTHING, ENOUGH WITH THE COCKTEASE!!! NO MORE OF YOUR STUPID DOODLES AND NUMBERED LISTS. I ONLY CLICKED THIS RECAP TO SEE PICTURES OF SHIRTLESS ANDREW AND SO FAR THERE HAS BEEN ZERO NUDITY AS ADVERTISED. WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING A SITE WITH PICTORIAL RECAPS IF YOU DON’T POST THE BEST SCREENSHOTS!?!?!? [/ends what every1 is thinking]

…okay, sheesh. I didn’t mean to hold off on delivering the goods. Less rambling, more stripping please.

3.) Andrew’s body is surprisingly buff for somebody who’s supposed to spend more time in the library than the gym, no? I don’t know any honour roll students who got biceps like those simply by lifting their textbooks. Now, I’m sure it’s possible to have *beauty* and *brains* at the same time, but most people lean towards one way or neither way. It’s pretty unfair that Andrew has the best of both worlds. You can have a good brain or a good body, but you can’t have it all!

4.) Is it too perverted to admit that I wanna go on a treasure hunt in between Andrew’s meaty thighs? Or am I crossing a certain threshold of good taste here? Hmm, maybe I should start keeping some of my more perverse thoughts to myself.

Now that he’s stripped down to his drawers, Andrew takes out his trump card and asks the one question that he knows Spencer won’t be able to answer correctly…

Andrew: Spencer, what are the 15 countries that became independent with the dissolution of the Soviet Union, in alphabetical order?

Naw, just kidding! But I love the idea of this question being her Achilles’ Heel forever. XD

When Spencer answers the next question incorrectly, she does an *impromptu striptease* by taking off her bra underneath her shirt and then flaunting her sexy undergarments in front of Andrew. It was kinda sexy yet hilariously awkward at the same time. Work it gurrrl~~~

Who else thinks Spencer answered the question wrong on purpose? She probably wanted to dangle her bra in Andrew’s nose, getting him all *hot* and *flustered* before his next question. Mama clearly likes her meat cooked and well-done before the shorts come off. Nobody likes a raw sausage, if you know I mean. ;)

After Spencer took off her bra, Andrew’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. Oh my god, you should have seen the way his beady little eyes were darting up and down her body. He looked like the biggest horndog ever. STOP STARING YOU PERVERT!!! IT ISN’T PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE TO SEE ~THROUGH~ HER SHIRT NO MATTER HOW LONG YOU GAWK AT HER OKAY???

If you were wondering why a perfectly intelligent young man like Andrew would agree to this quiz-off in the first place, his expression explains ~*everything*~. Evidently, his lust for seeing Spencer’s naked body is far greater than his own sense of shame and humiliation. Never underestimate what a teenage boy would do in order to see some boobs!

Unfortunately, Emily shows up to interfere with the kinky sex parlour games happening between the two of them.

Andrew: Is that…? HOLY CRAP THAT’S EMILY FIELDS!!!
Spencer: Relax, you’re not her type.

I love how Andrew got all *bashful* and *embarrassed* when he saw Emily, as if he suddenly realized the complete inappropriateness of stripping naked in Spencer’s home. See, this is what shame feels like, Andrew. You may not have felt it back when all the blood circulation was rushing to the nether regions of your body.

Andrew dashed out of the house without a single shred of clothing on, but he actually says “HI EMILY~ ^_^” as he brushes his naked torso against her in the doorway. It was the most hilariously endearing thing ever. A gentleman never forgets his manners, even when he’s caught completely undressed with his dick hanging out of his underwear. *lol*

Emily: Since when do you have to get naked to get what you want!?
Spencer: Since politely discussing my intellectual prowess wasn’t exactly swaying his vote!

Um sorry, but maybe Spencer should work harder on her problem solving skills? It’s a pretty big leap of logic to go from “Oh no, he won’t let me join the decathlon team! =(” to “PLAN B: I’M GONNA SHOVE MY TITS IN HIS FACE!!! =) =) =)”

Emily: Okay Spencer, you are way too smart to play dumb. First, you dropped that bomb on Jason, which by the way, now I have to undrop…

lol @ “undrop”. I’m afraid that is an unenglish word, but I love Emily is taking as much liberty with the English language as she does with her French. I’m not sure which term she should have used in this context though. Neutralize the bomb? Pick up the bomb? Actually, I don’t think you can ever UNDROP a bomb. That kinda defeats the whole purpose of a bomb in the first place.

#SPANDREW VERSUS #WRENCER, FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!

Now that Spoby has no chance of resurrection, all of Spencer’s love interests come crawling out of their hidey holes for a chance to lay down with our royal queen. Andrew, you better put some clothes on, grab a number, and wait your turn. Poor Wren has been waiting to tap dat ass since the first episode. He has seniority over you and gets first dibs on Spencer, so back off!!!

Well, well. Look who it is. Guess who showed up at Spencer’s house right on schedule? Wren is either very punctual or very desperate. Seriously, does this guy have some *radar* that lets him track down newly heartbroken teenage girls so that he can appear in front of them at their most vulnerable moment? You can hit a racquetball against the wall and it still won’t rebound as quickly as Wren does!

One of my favourite moments in this episode lasted only twenty seconds, but oh my god, watching WREN weasel out of a conversation with MELISSA was just priceless. This scene needs to be dissected frame-by-frame so we can truly appreciate how much of a hobag Wren is.

Sooo…Wren shows up at Spencer’s house, but Melissa was the one who answers the door. Before she opens it though, Wren actually had his back turned and he’s about to TIPTOE AWAY when he sees Melissa coming. *lol* I swear to god, he was about to launch into a mid-sprint to get the fuck outta there, but Melissa opened the door and stopped him in his tracks.

Wren: *feigns surprise* Ahhhhh…….Melissa.
Melissa: Hello. :|

AWKWARD~~~ Imagine opening the door to see your ex-fiancé, who also happens to be your teenage sister’s booty call.

Wren: Hi, I…I..I didn’t think you’d…
Melissa: I’m sure you didn’t.

Every time we see Wren, he acts like the smoothest operator ever. When this guy speaks, a posh charming accent slips out of his mouth, and his words sound like a fine wine tingling against the glass. I just find it hilarious that he’s now stuttering and spluttering and stammering and yammering like an absolute idiot. Oh, how the mighty has fallen! *lol*

Wren: I heard you were back in school, finishing your degree.
Melissa: I am. It’s taking longer than I expected.
Wren: Right, well, you’ve been distracted, life and all that. *side step away from Melissa* OH HELLO SPENCER!!!

YA, LIFE AND ALL DAT. Wren was so blatantly dismissive towards Melissa that I felt insulted on her behalf. Could he give any less of a shit about her? Not to mention, he strode right past Melissa with the grace of somebody jumping from a landmine territory onto a safety platform. For fuck’s sake, Wren would show more respect towards a hotel doorman than the way he treated Melissa here!

At first, Spencer assumed her friends called Dr. Wren for an intervention. But it turns out that Mona was just being Mona, and she’s stirring shit up by sending Wren to her house for the random laffos.

Spencer: What is the crisis really? That I took my bra off at four in the afternoon? Please tell Emily I don’t need supervision.
Wren: I didn’t speak to Emily, and I didn’t hear anything about a bra!

Wow. That detail sure got him excited, didn’t it? People take off their undergarments every day, Wren. And I’m pretty sure she put on a new bra by now, so no need to pitch a tent just yet.

I’m actually not too sure what’s the purpose of Wren’s cameo appearance, maybe he’s here to make early arrangements for Spencer’s inevitable stay at Radley’s? Anyway, he starts rambling about some amateur psychiatrist horseshit, I’m very concerned about your well-being Spencer yadda yadda yadda. At the end of the scene, she goes all “hooray i am cured! :)” and then she asks him out on a date and he’s like *lolkay*.

(P.S. It’s official. That bowl of fruit in Spencer’s kitchen has had more screentime than Mike Montgomery for the entire season.)

Sadly, their date night was a total bust. Spencer wanted an excuse to get out of the house so she can stalk Mona at the decathlon competition. Actually, I’m not sure why Spencer couldn’t just drive there herself instead of dragging Wren into her personal drama. Maybe she wanted him to pay the gas money for the trip, I suppose?

I don’t understand what Spencer’s endgame was, but it consisted of her TALKING MAJOR SMACK and THROWING HEAPS OF SHADE onto Mona right before the competition began. Then again, do you really *need* a reason to give Mona shit after everything she has done? Frankly, I’m surprised that more people aren’t putting cow brains into her locker every episode. Give this demon hag a taste of her own medicine, you know?

At first, their confrontation was just the typical snide bitchiness that you’d expect from these girls. Spencer says something snarky, then Mona says something snarky back, and so forth. Y’know, just standard Pretty Little Liars fare, maybe a 6 out of 10 on the PLL Bitchiness meter.

Mona: And who’s looking cray-cray now, Spencer? Have you completely lost it? Is that why Toby left you? *smirkysmirk*

But then, something snapped within Spencer and it began to kick off in a big, BIG, BIGGGGGG way…

Ahem, how do I say this in the best way possible?

SPENCER. LOST. IT.

DAT. MOTHERFUCKER. COMPLETELY. LOST. IT.

SHE NOT ONLY LOST THE MARBLES, BUT SHE THREW THE ENTIRE BAG IN MONA’S FACE AND THEN SPAT ON HER AFTERWARDS. HOLY FUCK. LET’S GET READY TO RRRUMMMMMBLE!!!

SPENCER: DIEEEEEE!!! *CHOKES A BITCH*

Oh my god, how can I even begin to describe this awesome, awesome scene? Spencer jumped Mona. She jumped her like they were two prison inmates fighting over the last tomato pocket in the cafeteria. She tackled Mona onto the ground, leaped onto her body and started strangling the life out of her. She was LITERALLY choking a bitch to death, no joke!

Look, I don’t think any amount of words will do this scene justice, so let’s keep things short and concise. Three words to summarize what we were all thinking: KILL THAT BITCH!!!!

Damn, Spencer wasn’t fooling around here! She must have learned a thing or two about choking bitches since she got attacked on the Halloween train. Unfortunately, Spencer did not succeed in her public murder attempt, since everyone else in the room freaked out and tried to save Mona’s life. *wtf* Why are these people rescuing her!? Are they all working for A!? JUST LET THAT EVIL IMP DIE, YOU BASTARDS!!!

Wow, I just realized I dedicated 90% of this recap to approximately 10% of the plot in this episode, which is solely focused on Spencer…BUT I REGRET NOTHING. It’s not my fault that she is the star of the show, mmkay?

However, this means I have to quickly skim through the rest of the episode, which is a good thing since I can summarize the other girls’ storylines in 100 words or less.

Caleb is still dealing with his daddy issues even after it’s confirmed that his uncle = his father. At first, he was like NOPE I WON’T MEET HIM, but then he’s like *nvm changed my mind*. And then Jamie was like NOPE I WON’T SHOW UP TO MEET MY SON, but then he’s like *nvm just being tardy*.

Sadly, what I described above were four separate scenes that occurred throughout the episode, so you can tell PLL was really stretching for content with this storyline. -_-”

Apparently, Caleb and Jamie managed to work out years of abandonment issues over some cake and a cup of coffee, so now they’re like best buds or whatever. Of course, we don’t get to see any of the miraculous family reconciliation that transpired during the episode, because these insightful conversations happened in ~*off-camera land*~.

Yeah, it’s obvious the writers can’t think of a way to justify the contrived shite affiliated with this storyline, so they didn’t even bother to come up with any dialogue. Thanks for putting zero effort into these subplots as always, PLL writers!

The only interesting part to come out of this mess is when Jamie got a job working for the church, and then he immediately proceeds to steal from the donation box. *lolwut* Well, at least he has something in common with his son’s girlfriend. Whatever! NEXT STORYLINE PLZ!!!

OH HELL NO. I ain’t gonna touch this Wesria crap with latex gloves and a ten foot pole! NEXT STORYLINE PLZ!!!

I’m just kidding. How can a Pretty Little Liars recap be complete without full coverage of the ridiculousness that is Aria Montgomery?

This episode continues whatever stupid reason for Wesley & Aria to spend time together before they inevitably kiss. Wes is still running away from home because he’s a spoiled snot with too much time on his hands, but his mom caught him and now he has no place to stay. He randomly plans on escaping to Canada to pursue his freedom (kinda like The Underground Railroad, but for privileged white kids), but Aria was like “cum over to mah place and sleep in my bed, stud~”

Okay, she didn’t really say that, but you KNOW where this storyline is heading.

*Aria’s phone starts ringing*
Hanna: Is that your mom?
Aria: *checks* No, it’s Ezra’s…
Hanna: Ew.
Aria: Oh my god, why is she calling me!? We are not friends!!! O_O

Heh heh. I love Aria’s mini meltdown over the phone call. I think she’s more afraid that the call came from Ezra’s mom than if it came directly from A.

Queen Fitzgerald called re: Wesley’s whereabouts, while Aria hemmed and hawed in the guiltiest way possible. The best part about the phone call is that Ezra’s mom literally hangs up while Aria was still rambling in the middle of a sentence. *lolpwnt* I love the fact that she called Aria in the middle of the day just to hang up on her five seconds later. LIKE A BOSS~~~

At first, I did find it a little strange that she would call Aria to talk about Wesley, but it was later revealed that she did this to TEST her loyalty.

Aria: Wait, if she knew you were here this morning, why would she call me this afternoon?
Wesley: To test you, trap you, prove to Ezra that you are a liar…
Aria: Gosh, she is so hateful!!! *pause* Did I just say that out loud?

lolololol~ holy crap, that’s like a top tier conniving mastermind move. I didn’t consider the possibility that Queen Fitzgerald was collecting intel to use against Aria, but even I underestimated what a beautifully devious mastermind she can be. *bows down* FOREVER MY QUEEN AND ALWAYS.

Cece hired Aria to do some photography crap for her boutique store. We must have reached *rock bottom* of our economy if people are willing to pay Aria money as a Professional Photographer, even though her only qualifications are having registered accounts on Flickr and Instagram.

Also, I was absolutely shocked to learn that Aria is still employed!? I just assumed she got fired on the first day since they haven’t made a single reference to her working for the entire season. I suppose Aria has a “job” in the same way that she has a “brother”. We’re supposed to believe that she has one, but it’s never shown on screen and it’s only mentioned when it’s convenient for the plot.

Aria and Wesley bring their insufferable flirting to the boutique, where it didn’t take long before he splurged all over and made a big dirty stain ON HIS CROTCH. And also on the expensive rug, since they spilled some grape juice or whatever.

Afterwards, Aria was very authoritative at ordering Wesley around, telling him to grab this and grab that, and I actually thought she might have some secret cleaning tricks up her sleeves. Instead, she ends up pouring water to make an even bigger stain on the rug. *lolwhoops* Classic Aria. ^_^

When Aria finally invites Wesley into her boudoir, he makes one of the most transparent ploys to get into her pants.

1.) First, the sneaky little bugger “casually” mentions that he likes to “read” before he goes to “sleep”. As fuck-ing if! Every word in that sentence should be inside quotation marks because that’s exactly how disingenuous he’s being!

2.) Then, Wesley starts reciting poetry in front of Aria. Oh yes, this fucking guy has sweet delicate poems about love all memorized by heart. Of course he does. *rolls eyes* How much do you wanna bet that he uses the same passage to all the girls that he wants to sleep with?

3.) And then, he starts…erm, rapping? Oh dear me. O_O

The combination of books + poetry + dorky rapping proved too much for a huge literary nerd like Aria. She looked like she wanted to jump him on the spot. You can really see the hunger in her eyes as Wesley recited his poetry passage. Just look at her! Oh, this girl wants some!!!

The inevitable happened afterwards, where they made out and had sex and got pregnant. You all saw this hook-up coming from the moment his character was introduced, so it’s kind of a non-event by this point. NEXT STORYLINE PLZ.

Meanwhile, Emily and Jason do some boring investigation crap where they mostly just YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP about the same old crap that we already know. The flavour of the week is that Alison got killed because she was pregnant with Detective Wilden’s child, but we all know this theory is gonna get debunked in a few weeks anyway, just like every other goddamn theory on this show, so it’s hard to feel invested.

Oh yeah, some jackass also placed a shitload of booze all over Jason’s front porch, which was pretty lulzy. You’d think Jason + Emily + alcohol = epic drunken hijinks, where he’d take a car and start crashing into shit, while she’d take a shovel and start digging up corpses, but both of them were disappointingly well-behaved.

Apparently, we’re supposed to get excited over a newly surfaced photograph with Alison, Cece, and Wilden on a boat together. I don’t see what the big deal is? Or how any of this is relevant to the mystery? Someone wake me up when there’s a picture of Detective Wilden bashing Alison’s skull with an iron rod. Until then, meh.

Thankfully, someone must have realized these investigation scenes were looking pretty *dire*, so they switched off the elevator power and put these characters in yet another dangerous life-threatening situation. Hooray, the fun begins!

In this ridiculous scene, the elevator stopped working while Jason and Emily are trapped inside. The two of them decide to climb out through a narrow opening space, except you know there’s some crazy shit where the elevator suddenly starts moving and then slices their bodies in half!!! I’ve seen too many horror movies for this not to happen! OMG Emily, why would you put your head at that exact position!? It’s like her character is begging to be beheaded!

Weirdly enough, the same girl who killed a man with her bare hands suddenly decides this is the best time to have a paralyzing anxiety attack. A lot of the drama comes from Emily screaming in a shrill voice and freaking out over her impending death. Finally, Jason convinces her that it’s better to jump out of the elevator, hit her skull against the concrete floor, causing tremendous head trauma before she eventually dies from too much blood loss. The alternative is to stay inside the elevator and pray that you can survive a fall from six storeys high, so it’s probably better to take that leap of faith gurl!

pmsl @ Emily’s feet dangling in front of the green screen btw

Emily manages to climb out of the elevator in one piece, but Jason (or in my best Emily voice: “JAYYYYSUUUNNNNN!!!! *furrowed eyebrows*”) didn’t make it out in time. The elevator of doom starts plummeting down in a one-way ticket straight to hell. I guess he’s the one living on planet free fall now. lolz.

Miraculously enough, he managed to survive the six-storey fall!? I knew God wouldn’t take away those glorious pecs from humanity just yet. You’d think Jason would lose most of his sex appeal now that he has a neck brace and a shattered femur, but I would still hit it (with the heart rate monitor on!)

The pretty little liars had their backs turned away for five seconds, and then Jason was suddenly gone from the hospital room. *lolwtf* Where the fuck did he go!? Was he hiding under the bed!? Was there a secret tunnel inside the room!? Otherwise, we’re supposed to believe that Jason took off the neck brace, ripped out the wires, limped away on a heavily injured body with all those shattered bones, and managed to make a successful getaway without any of the hospital staff noticing. All in the span of five seconds. OKAY THEN.

It’s a sad state of affairs when the secret tunnel theory makes more sense than what the show actually wants us to believe. X_X

Read more recaps!

22 Responses

  1. Default avatar OMG I LOVE YOU March 31st, 2013 / Sunday

    When I saw a new one I was like YAYYYYY

    Seriously these things make my day. I read all of the PLL recaps in one day oops ;)
    Pleaseeeee continue!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything April 4th, 2013 / Thursday

      ILU2~ Don’t overdose on Pretty Little Liars though, I think watching/reading too much crap is not healthy for you.

  2. Default avatar praise the lawd March 31st, 2013 / Sunday

    YOU’RE BACK
    thank god

    • Default avatar Recap Everything April 4th, 2013 / Thursday

      AMEN!

  3. Default avatar DarkAngel April 1st, 2013 / Monday

    You’re back, yay!

    Man, I love Emily, when she over to Spencer’s and saw half naked Andrew she was like “Oh, I only have two cupcakes” She is way too polite for this show. But then she goes and almost kills Jason. (take notes, Aria. That’s how you become interesting on this show that you’re supposed to be on)

    I really wish Andrew would join the cast, he’s only been on a few episodes and I already find him more interesting than Toby.

    Spencer going flying psycho with Mona was the greatest thing eva!

    I guess with one thing with Wren is, he’s not hiding the fact that he’s a giant creeper.

    Jason stole Meredith’s teleportation powers. The Liars really need to figure out how to get the super powers that everyone else has.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything April 4th, 2013 / Thursday

      First of all, I love that Emily thinks cupcakes can bring Spencer out of her murky depression, because cupcakes make everything better. :D :D :D I also love that her first concern after seeing naked Andrew is whether he’s HONGRY or not. She’s such a sweetheart. ^_^ Until she kills you in an elevator anyway.

      I feel like half the recap is my love letter to Andrew. I find his character so adorkable and endearing. He seriously needs to be back for Season 4.

      Who needs superpowers when Spencer can choke the life out of a bitch? lol seriously best PLL scene in a long, long time. It is long overdue since someone pummeled that evil nerd Mona. :)

  4. Default avatar jay April 1st, 2013 / Monday

    finally you update again! will you be putting the other ones up soon? :)

    • Default avatar Recap Everything April 4th, 2013 / Thursday

      Yes…soon…*shifty eyes*…rly soon.

  5. Default avatar Theo April 2nd, 2013 / Tuesday

    OH MY GOD YOU’RE BACK <3 AMAZING RECAP AS ALWAYS and the last few episodes were awful and I'm sorry you have to recap them. But they have a lot of recappable moments? idk.

    Show up some more, btw. Even if it's for quick tweets or facebook statuses <3 We all miss you.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything April 4th, 2013 / Thursday

      omglol I totally know what you mean about those last few episodes. There were so many CRAPTASTIC moments. The whole Detective Wilden storyline is one hot trainwreck mess, oh dear me.

      I totally want to use Twitter and Facebook more, but I am too lazy to manage my social media accounts. Running this main site is already a huge time suck, so I am usually like *fuckit* when it comes to updating the Facebook/Twitter feeds. I am trying to post pictures in Twitter on a more regular basis, so we’ll see how long I keep that up lol.

  6. Default avatar Charlotte April 2nd, 2013 / Tuesday

    I want to cry I’m so happy you’re back.
    Okay.
    1. This show needs Andrew around with minimal clothing.
    2. This show needs to keep Jason with minimal clothing.
    3. And Aria? Jason needs to hit that. FUGEDDABOUT EZRA.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything April 10th, 2013 / Wednesday

      I love your dedication to Jaria, hehe. [Mona]I respect that.[/Mona] Out of the three Aria nomances, Jason x Aria is sadly the least annoying one by default, so I guess I’m on board.

      lmao yes keep em on the show and exploit their shirtlessness for all they are worth. <3

  7. Default avatar nikki April 3rd, 2013 / Wednesday

    You’ve been gone so long, I had to cheat on you…by reading a recap on afterellen.com. Some people accuse lesbians of seeing phallic symbolism everywhere, but you have to concede a valid point regarding Spencer BLENDING THE SHIT OUT OF a pickle, celery, and other elongated vegetables.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything April 10th, 2013 / Wednesday

      OMG now I know how Ezra feels when Aria kisses his little brother behind his back! BETRAYED. :(

      Naw, just kidding. I loves me some AfterEllen. Their recaps are g8 and I highly endorse them too. ^_^ (although I never read other PLL recaps just so I’m not subconsciously influenced by their writing styles.)

      That carrot Spencer put into the blender was strangely *long* and *limpy*…symbolic? I’M JUST SAYIN’!

  8. Default avatar ANoelle April 4th, 2013 / Thursday

    OH MY GOD YOU’RE BACK YEEESSSS

    This just made my week, you have no idea! ;A;

    I love your continuing frustration at Aria and Wesley’s scenes, and Spencer choking Mona was GLORIOUS. *^___^*

    • Default avatar Recap Everything April 11th, 2013 / Thursday

      Those Wesria scenes felt like DEATH, oh my god you had no idea. ;A; I mean, I totally saw it coming months ago, but it doesn’t make their scenes any less unbearable.

      Spencer choking a bitch is seriously full of win. I still laugh when I think of her crying out DIE!!! *lol* there’s no better Spencer than a crazy Spencer.

  9. Default avatar rebekah April 8th, 2013 / Monday

    So I’ve only just found your recaps, and I find them hilarious! Even though i love the show I find the way you make fun of it so entertaining. Just wondering when you’ll be posting the rest of the season 3 recaps, and did you do them for all of season 1 or just the finale?

    • Default avatar Recap Everything April 11th, 2013 / Thursday

      Glad that *DESTINY* brought you to this site. ^_^ yep, I am (very, very) slowly going through the remaining Season 3 episodes. And the rest of the Season 1 recaps might be arriving sooner than later. :O

  10. Default avatar Anon April 10th, 2013 / Wednesday

    Ugh… too bad they dropped Andrew faster than you can say “fan pandering” :( . Can’t they all go back to having a bunch of love interests and change them whenever it’s convenient? The endgame concept has always bothered me.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything April 11th, 2013 / Thursday

      lmao yes, they need to bring back LOVE INTEREST roulette. I remember when most of the liars had a new fling with every new outfit they put on. Now they are stuck with the same monogamous relationships and it is a snoozefest. SLUT IT UP PLL!

  11. Default avatar Mona Vanderwaal is a fabulous bitch January 22nd, 2014 / Wednesday

    I actually liked spandrew better thans poby. this dead mama drama is killing it for me, they need to break up already! I Heard Andrew comes back tho :)

  12. Default avatar Lol April 30th, 2015 / Thursday

    lol

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Custom avatar Custom avatar Custom avatar Custom avatar Custom avatar Custom avatar Custom avatar Custom avatar Custom avatar Custom avatar Custom avatar