Season 3 Episode 18, Pretty Little Liars Recap, Dead to Me

Aria gets hit on by her boyfriend’s brother; Caleb discovers his real father’s identity; Emily gets hypnotized into thinking that she killed Alison.

Welcome to the first of hopefully many, many, many Ezra-free episodes! In an ideal world, a father who reunites with his seven-year-old son would spend years trying to make up for all the lost time. However, Aria is still hoping that Ezra will ~*see the light*~ and end up choosing a teenage slice of ass over his own flesh and blood.

DOES ARIA FEEL ANY SHAME??? Not once does it occur to her that she should gracefully bow out of the relationship. I know it’s too much to ask her to retain the dignity that she irretrievably lost over the past three seasons, but c’mon girl, isn’t it time to call it quits? Your bf is an adult man who clearly wants to be with his son & his baby mama. Please stop humiliating yourself and leave him already!

Worst of all, Aria is already doing that creepy thing where she goes to her boyfriend’s apartment and most likely sniffs his underwear to preserve those precious memories of him. *lol*

To be honest, I was quite surprised that Aria didn’t insist on following her boyfriend to Delaware like an unwanted third wheel. I expected her to go full stalker mode and spy on Ezra while hiding behind a bush. (C’mon, that’s like a basic Pretty Little Liars storyline right out of the tin!) And if Aria really wanted to keep this relationship going, maybe she should a fight a little harder and actually do something about her situation. Lying on the bed in his apartment isn’t gonna bring your man back to you, sweetheart!

Hanna: Why are you going to Ezra’s?
Aria: …’coz I have to water the plants and stuff like that.
Hanna: Oh. *knowing look* And do you do that while wearing his shirt?

At this point, it’d be an improvement if Aria was wearing Ezra’s shirts instead of sporting a metallic gold jacket paired with those hideous tight crotch pants. She looks like a tribute during the opening ceremonies of The Hunger Games.

Fitzgerald #1 hasn’t been gone for five minutes and there’s Fitzgerald #2 at the doorstep, ready to pounce on Aria at a moment’s notice. I think Aria only went through one outfit change between the time of Ezra’s departure and Wesley’s arrival, so Pretty Little Liars must be on a tight schedule to make this love triangle happen!

The rest of their scenes together play out exactly as you’d expect. Weaselly continues to be a conniving & opportunistic little shit who’s trying to seduce his brother’s girlfriend, while Aria continues to fall in love with any man who showers her with the tiniest bit of attention. It’s the Jason DiLaurentis fiasco happening all over again. How soon before he startles her with a kiss and she pulls back going like “Oh [insert name], we can’t do this! O_O”

Hanna: So, what’s he like? The brother?
Aria: He’s alright. A little bit full of himself though.
Hanna: Is he cute?
Aria: *coy smile* He’s kind of cute.

Look at Aria, checking out the goods! ;D Not that I really blame her for sinking her claws into two Fitzgerald brothers at once. A girl gotta have a back-up plan, especially if her main squeeze may elope with another ho at any moment. Besides, if Game of Thrones has taught us anything, it is that you always end up marrying the brother of the man you love. Better start getting acquainted now!

Aria: He’s just way too comfortable living off of his trust fund though.
Hanna: I would not mind getting cozy with one of those. ;)

Yeah, yeah~ It’s never too early to start planning your career options, because most ambitious golddiggers start at a young age. Don’t worry, Hanna. Caleb might not be a trust fund baby, but he has a rich mommy and you can still get half his fortune as long as you don’t sign the prenup.

In this episode, we learn a couple of new facts about Wesley. And by “facts”, I mean “shallow attempts to flesh out his character before he makes out with Aria”.

Apparently, Wesley sees his older brother as some kind of inspirational role model, because he left home to pursue his lifelong dream of being a talented teacher (oh wait, he lost two jobs because of an age-inappropriate relationship) and an accomplished writer (oh wait, let me check the bestsellers list for Ezra’s name). Methinks Wesley can afford to aim his life aspirations a little higher.

Wesley: When Ezra left home, my mom was furious. So was I. It took me a long time to realize I wasn’t angry at him for leaving. I was pissed because he didn’t take me with him.
Aria: Why did you want to go with him?
Wesley: BECAUSE HE’S NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH DREAMS. ;_;

Oh my god. *finger to throat* I wish you guys can see how my eyes are rolled to the top of my head right now. Get over it, asshole. You can still fulfill your dreams while living comfortably with your trust fund money and investment stock portfolios. I have zero sympathy for these whiny self-serving #richpeopleproblems.

Wesley: One day, Ezra had enough and walked out. My mom hurled lightning bolts but he survived.

LMAO~ I can totally imagine Queen Fitzgerald forming energy orbs in the palm of her hands and blasting them at Ezra like a Dragonball character. I also love that Pretty Little Liars is going ridiculously overboard in depicting Ezra’s mom as some ominous badass supervillain. Even her own son doesn’t think she’s a mortal human being!

Wesley: He found you. He found you and said that’s who I want. You’re the most amazing part about this. That’s why my mother hates you. Because you are unexpected.

Firstly, I can list at least thirty better reasons why Ezra’s mom would hate Aria, and only half of these reasons involve the word “jailbait”. Secondly, I think it’s so nauseating that Wesley will go to any lengths in order to get laid: “Oh Aria, you are so amazing! Teeheehee!” And thirdly, when will the show stop glorifying Ezria’s relationship as so amazing and special and magical and rainbows and unicorns? We are talking about a filthy romance between a predator and a teenager. Their love should never be celebrated. No. Just no.

Poor Wesley thinks it’s just too much of a burden to come from such a wealthy family where his mother provides him with everything that he could ever dream of. He has this BRILLIANT idea of getting kicked out of school so he can carve out an independent life for himself.

Wesley: If I was going to get free, I’ll have to do it on my own. So I thought getting thrown out of prep school would be a good start.

I WANNA GET THROWN OUT OF PREP SCHOOL~ ^_^ Oh my god, he comes across as such a petulant, ungrateful, spoiled little brat. I cannot listen to him without a burning desire to punch this guy in the face.

Wesley couldn’t get in trouble for his past misdemeanours because his mom would pay off the school administration (SUCH A BOSS), so he has to be creative in order to get expelled. Instead of doing drugs like most other kids, Wesley decides to seduce his physics teacher so that he’d definitely get kicked out of prep school. Oh yes, please go sabotage this woman’s career and destroy her marriage just because you got bored of doing your homework!

All of a sudden, the teacher’s husband shows up out of nowhere and goes like IMMA FUCK YOU UP KID!!! Wesley slams a pizza box in that loser’s face before running away and going like “p.s. your wife’s breath tastes like garlic bread~~~ :D”

Even though she has nothing to do with his personal drama, Wesley runs away with Aria and grabs her hand in the process. That sneaky opportunistic bastard never misses an opening, hehe. ;)

I feel so sorry for this poor man. Not only did his wife *cheat* on him, but he also got *assaulted* by some teenager in broad daylight. On the bright side, at least there’s free pizza!

This is Aria’s response after finding out that Wesley seduced his physics teacher:

Aria: That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

Um, irony? Aria is the absolute last person who should criticize somebody for getting romantically involved with their teacher. I don’t think this girl realizes that she is in the exact same position as Wesley. People who live in glass houses should not throw stones!

Aria: You hit on your Physics teacher!?
Wesley: …who’s very attractive, in an intellectual cougar sort of way.

The funny thing is if you switch out the pronouns, the statement describes exactly what Aria thinks of Ezra.

Wesley: You hit on your English teacher!?
Aria: …who’s very attractive, in an intellectual predator sort of way.

Wesley’s character sure took a nosedive, didn’t he? I liked him way better when his character development solely consisted of *Ezra’s bb brother* and *wears preppy vintage clothing*. Now, his novelty had worn off and I just want him to go away. Please introduce a third Fitzgerald brother whose storyline is not completely obnoxious, kthx.

Meet Caleb’s uncle! We get a strange storyline this episode where we spend a disproportionate amount on time on a bearded dude named Jamie.

Jamie: *whispers to Hanna* Caleb turned into a good-looking young man! ;D

…wait, there should be no winky face. But that’s kind of a weird thing to say about your nephew, right? For a moment there, my mind went to a dark inappropriate place. I thought he was the type of uncle who does ~*physical demonstrations*~ while reading bedtime stories, if you catch my drift.

Uncle Jamie reveals some insights into Caleb’s family, which is as muddled and confusing as the last time the writers tried to expand on his character’s backstory. (I’m still waiting to meet the mysterious woman who is supposed to be Caleb’s mother since Season 2.)

To recap: Caleb’s parents were like “DO NOT WANT, SEE YA~” and abandoned their son during his childhood. Caleb’s aunt looked after him for a while until she also went like “DO NOT WANT: THE SEQUEL, SEE YA AT FOSTER CARE~” Since then, Caleb became a hobo orphan teen who hacks cell phones and never washes his greasy hair. Recently, Caleb’s mom redeemed her ticket at the pawn shop and claimed her son after years of abandonment, while Caleb’s dad is still missing in action.

My two cents:

1.) First of all, Caleb’s aunt = biggest PLL villain ever? Even Harry Potter’s relatives managed to give him food and shelter without hauling his ass to foster care, so it’s pretty shitty that she couldn’t be bothered to take care of her nephew.

2.) Second of all, can I just say these are the WORST adults ever? All of Caleb’s family should be thrown in jail for their negligence and emotional abuse. It doesn’t literally take a village to raise a child. You don’t even have to love the kid, just as long as you give him a bed and feed him once in a while. Pull your shit together, y’know?

Caleb: I just don’t want to be here all day going through this crap.

Oh my god, Caleb captured my exact feelings when I watch a Pretty Little Liars episode and have to recap it afterwards. He took the words right out of my mouth!

The plot takes a disturbing turn when we find out that Caleb’s uncle is actually HIS FATHER!!! *wtf* I mean, the twist was pretty obvious and even I figured it out after they spent more than 10 seconds on this nobody character, which signifies that he must be an important person somehow.

However, let’s not make the mistake of trusting any stranger who comes into this show and proclaim to be a long lost relative. After all, the last thing we need is another Nate St. Germain imposter on our hands. Is he really Caleb’s father? Do we have any proof? I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE, SIR. [/Donald Trump] Show us your gene receipts or you are not legit!!!

Hanna discovers Uncle Jamie’s real identity when he produces a photograph of Baby Caleb from his wallet. Since the man holding the baby has the same ring that Jamie is wearing, Fashion Detective Hanna deduces that he must be Caleb’s father!

Are we even sure this baby is Caleb!? I’m kinda convinced that Jamie is a massive conman who cut out a picture of a random baby from some department store catalogue, and his objective is to swindle money out of lonely teenagers from broken homes. *paranoid* TRUST NO ONE!!!

Hanna tries telling Caleb about her conspiracy theory, but his reaction was like: “No wai! Never! Impossible! But talk to me again next episode and I will completely change my stance on this storyline.”

I’m kinda happy that they are exploring Caleb’s family history, which has potential for some interesting storytelling. But so far, the execution has been clunky as hell. Oh hey, let’s introduce Caleb’s aunt! No wait, let’s introduce Caleb’s uncle! No wait, let’s reveal that he is Caleb’s dad! No wait, let’s turn this into a SECRET! What an effing hot mess. I get the feeling the writers haven’t got a clue what to do with this incoherent plot and it leaves me very worried.

On a completely unrelated note, can we please discuss what Hanna is wearing in this scene? Did she borrow the plaid shirt and the denim overalls from the girl on the neighbouring farm? Because I cannot envision Hanna owning these two articles of clothing anywhere in her wardrobe. Spencer? Yes. Emily? Maybe. Aria? Who the fuck knows. But Hanna? No way, that does not look like a Hanna outfit at all!

Emily had like eleven storylines going on simultaneously in this episode. Her scenes were all over the place, but I’ll try to keep up and make sure every (un)necessary plot gets coverage. You might need a table of contents to navigate this part of the recap though.

Once again, Emily suffered from another case of “I found a critical clue last episode but conveniently forgot to secure the evidence. OHNOES THE CLUE IS NOW GONE!!! X_X”

When she returned to the police precinct this episode, she realized that incriminating (?) photograph of Detective Wilden’s biceps is gone, gone, gone from the bulletin board. TBH, I’m not sure how a picture of Detective Wilden holding a fish is relevant to Alison’s murder investigation, but the show likes to pretend this is very important, so let’s just roll with it.

Also, I’d like to point out a hilarious exchange between Emily and her mom.

Pam: You know what? Change of plans. Let’s just go out to dinner. I’ll clock out early.
Emily: Are you sure that’s okay?
Pam: *scoffs* What are they gonna do? Arrest me?

Oh my god!!! Pam just started working there last episode! She’s already so lazy and so corrupt! *lmao* Most employees wouldn’t dare to break protocol when starting a new job, but Mama Fields is already skipping work & abusing her authority before even getting her first paycheque.

Suddenly, we are supposed to care about all the crap that was put inside Alison’s coffin, because the police believe these missing mementos can be traced back to the gravedigger. Unfortunately for Emily, A is in possession of all 25 postcards that she had buried along with the casket – the first of which already made its way to the police!

Emily: Aria thought it was bad getting those earrings back one at a time. A has twenty five opportunities to set me up!!!

If A leaves behind one incriminating postcard per episode, Pretty Little Liars needn’t worry about coming up with new A plots for all of next season. In fact, Season 4 can be dedicated to finding the “Postcard of the Week” all the way until the finale.

This is what A wrote on the back of the postcard:
Arrête de creuser! LA police sAit déjA que c’est toi qui est cApAble de meutre!

This is the direct French to English translation:
Stop digging! The police already know it’s you who’s capable of murder!

Ooh la la, who knew A had a gift for foreign languages? Such a talented multilingual villain! I can’t wait until we get a message written in badass Latin.

Hilariously enough, Emily thinks she’s fluent in French after taking one semester in high school. She ends up inventing a ~*brand new*~ language by plucking words wildly out of context.

Emily: I know what it says! (reading) La police are capable of murder. (smugly) I took French, Spencer.

LOL~ Did Emily think all the other French words were just there for decoration? Clearly, she has no future working in the United Nations as an interpreter. Can you imagine if she was the one in charge of translating the peace treaties during wartime? La nation is capable of mass murder. See, I can speak Emily’s language too because I put ‘la’ in place of ‘the’. ^_^

In a flashback, we see that Emily and Alison had been discussing about a ~*romantic getaway*~ in Paris. Alison described how the two of them will be “lounging around in our bikinis” and “dancing through the sunflower fields” with the wind blowing in their hair – so basically, she’s describing a tampon commercial.

Not that Emily needed much of a sales pitch. She made up her mind about the vacation from the moment she formed a mental image of Alison in a skimpy bikini. Just look at her salivating at the thought!

Emily: How long are we going away for?
Alison: How about forever?

How about never? I get nervous if Emily spends more than five minutes in the French section of the library. I can’t imagine how she’d cope if she has to live in France forever with her poor grasp of the language. La lesbian n’est pas capable de immigration!

As you know, Emily has a tendency to misinterpret French words as much as she misinterprets sexual advances from Alison. So, I’ve watched this scene several times but there’s just no other way around it… Alison was hitting on her. She was exchanging flirty glances, touching fingertips and reciting lyrical love messages. Even the way she gently curled her syllables when she said the word ‘rivieria’ carried a romantic connotation.

Like, I would not blame Emily if she went ahead and bought two tickets to the lesbian cruise, because Alison was giving off vibes much stronger than just mixed signals!!! =O

Emily started seeing the shrink again, because her character is suddenly tres traumatized about killing Nate (…even though she never had any issues about his death for the past 5 episodes. She didn’t react, not even once.) What probably happened was the writers are working on the storyboard for the second half of the season, and then someone realized they don’t have time to schedule Emily’s breakdown right after the Halloween episode, so they had to consult their calendars and pencil in this subplot at a later date.

Marlene King: Emily, we’re gonna put your psychological issues on hold until a time slot opens up in our narrative. *five episodes pass by* Okay, we can finally address your craziness now!

Emily: Thanks for talking with me, Dr. Sull-
Anne: BORED NOW. Emily, have you thought about trying hypnotherapy?

LMAO~ Emily rambled about her problems for approximately 30 seconds, before Dr. Sullivan got bored of being professional and just told her patient to go to sleep on her couch. Can you imagine if your psychiatrist interrupted you in the middle of a session and went like: *checks wrist* “This is my favourite part of the treatment. Time for a nap! ^_^”

Emily says… “I WOULD LIKE TO WAKE UP NOW! I changed my mind! I don’t want to get incepted anymore! What is the point of all this!? When does the actual therapy part start!? I have a perfectly comfortable bed at home! I don’t need to pay you just to sleep on your couch!”

Dr. Sullivan says… “REQUEST DENIED. Sorry, we still have forty five minutes left in our session and I’m not even gonna pretend that I will occupy this time with any actual doctoring. Now, you can either go to sleep on your own or I will jam a fistful of sleeping pills down your throat. The easy way or the hard way, it’s your call.”

To recap, here is a list of Dr. Sullivan’s medical practices on the show thus far:

a.) Advised her patients to talk to an empty chair in the room.
b.) Diagnosed a crazy person with a mental disorder of being “all-knowing and omnipresent”.
c.) Held her patients hostage inside their own nightmares.

I can’t tell if this crack doctor is hopelessly incompetent or secretly brilliant. Hey, bitch is getting paid no matter what her patients do. If she can convince them that taking a midafternoon nap on her sofa is a therapeutic experience, then more power to her!

Dr. Sullivan: Hypnotherapy isn’t just about bringing back memories that we repressed. Sometimes it’s about reframing the ones we have. The ones that are controlling our lives. Controlling the way we see ourselves.

Is this doctor speak for brainwashing???

For those of you who still don’t understand what hypnotherapy is, it’s basically like that movie Inception where the writers include fantastical elements into a character’s dream in order to tell a compelling story. Nothing needs to make sense because it’s supposed to be a ~*dream*~, which is the perfect excuse for an illogical show like PLL.

In this instance, Emily sees herself holding a shovel…which she brings down with an extreme vengeance as she cracks Alison’s skull open!!! (Keep in mind we are logic-free in this dream or nightmare or hypnotherapy or whatever the fuck it is, so don’t hurt your brain thinking too much about an explanation.)

BTW is it still considered a nightmare if you derive so much pleasure from somebody else’s pain? Listening to Alison’s terrified screams before her head gets bashed in was as *sweet* and *melodic* as an angel’s laughter. That is the sound of karma, in case you were wondering. ^_^

We spend half the episode where everybody is freaking out because OMFG EMILY KILLED ALISON! Except not really. In the end, it was an obvious red herring where her memories got muddled up and she didn’t actually kill her friend. Boooo! What a letdown!

Of course, this means Dr. Sullivan not only failed to cure Emily with the hypnotherapy, but she also inadvertently caused more confusion and trauma upon her emotionally fragile patient. In other words, she did the exact opposite of what a psychiatrist is supposed to do. *lol* Somebody better file a consumer protection complaint because Dr. Sullivan’s medical licence needs to be REVOKED.

At the end of the episode, Emily has a hilariously contrived moment of clarity (“I hear a sprinkler! CUE THE REAL FLASHBACK!”), where she remembers some never-before-seen footage of the night Alison got graverobbed. Emily was at the graveyard that night, trying to stop somebody in a black hoodie from digging up Alison’s coffin.

…..and that’s it? I wish I had something else to add, but that’s all we learned from her flashback. Wow. A was involved in the crime. Brand new information, you guys. Thanks for moving the plot forward so rapidly, Pretty Little Liars.

Emily also saw that girl in the red coat, who seems to be appearing EVERYWHERE lately.

Hanna: I know this sounds ridiculous, but someone has to ask. Do you think it’s Alison in the red coat?
Aria: Alison digging up her own grave???
Emily: All I know is there was a woman. She was blonde. She was wearing a red coat. And…she’s the one in charge.

I can count on one hand of all the known PLL characters that match this physical profile, so take your pick: Alison. (no thanks) Cece. (meh) Hanna. (yes please) Kate. (lmao yes please) Or Ezra in a blonde wig. (make it happen pll!)

With a doctor like Dr. Sullivan, is there any surprise that her former patient Mona turned out the way she was? Those fucked up hypnotherapy sessions are enough to turn anybody to the dark side!

Mona: I just want you to know that I’m doing so much better! I can never really repay you for what you did.

Mona shows up at Dr. Sullivan’s doorstep with basically the most implicit threat ever. She never said the words out loud, but she didn’t have to. Mona’s message was loud and clear: DON’T CROSS ME OR I WILL FUCK. YOU. UP.

Mona: I bet that orchid would look great in the windowsill!
Dr. Sullivan: I’m actually leaving for a few days, so I’ll make sure it gets some water.

After having an exchange with Mona, Dr. Sullivan looks like she’s ready to go into quarantine for decontamination over the next seventy two days. Needless to say, those orchids are going straight into a burning pit of fire. :(

Mona delivered one of my favourite PLL lines ever when she was taunting Spencer about the upcoming academic decathlon competition.

Mona: I’d hate to see poor Toby travel all that way for you, only to be left cheering for me. :-)

I nearly busted a gut laughing so hard at that remark. The best part is how Mona said it in such a perfectly poised manner, which made the bitchiness seem all the more piercing. Poor Spencer’s face turned into stone right there on the spot. *lol* Oh Mona, you goddess goddess goddess.

Spencer hires a detective to spy on Toby. She discovers that he bought a lot of flowers, specifically hydrangeas, for some unknown reason. She also pays a couple hundred bucks to track down the whereabouts of Toby’s underground evil lair.

Spencer: I open the door and if it’s full of the things that I think it is, that means there’s hope. That means he loves me and that I wasn’t wrong about us. And if not…
Miles: If not, it’s time to let him go.

Even the detective felt bad taking money from Spencer because she’s so pathetic. He must be thinking: “I feel like a criminal asking for $500 just to investigate some guy at a flower shop. This money feels DIRTY.”

I am not sure what Spencer expected to find in Toby’s secret apartment. Maybe she thought there’d be a bed of hydrangeas on the floor formed in the shape of a heart, but there was literally nothing. Toby and Mona had already vacated from the premises and relocated elsewhere.

(P.S. Goodness gracious, it must be a REAL BITCH putting up and taking down all of those photographs & decorations every time the A Team moves to a new location. Let’s hope their hideout is more permanent next time.)

CUE THE TEARS!!! Oh my goodness, it has been a nonstop weepfest in the past couple of episodes. Shouldn’t Spencer’s tear ducts be dry by now? How long does it take to get over an ex-boyfriend? Even the hardcore Spoby fans have stopped crying into their pillows and moved on with their lives. C’mon Spencer, pull yourself together girl!

She needs to stop *crying* and start *eating* her emotions like most people do. There is no heartbreak that a bucket of ice-cream cannot fix!

Jason: The other girls are coming by the cemetery around seven.
Spencer: Sounds like a real party. :|

Alison’s body is being put away into some stuffy old box at the mausoleum. Jason invites the pretty little liars to pay their respects, but Spencer was *over it* and declared that she doesn’t give two shits if Alison gets buried at the bottom of an alligator pond, because she won’t be going anywhere near it.

Jason: Hey, what is your problem, Spencer!?
Spencer: You don’t want to have this fight with me, Jason. Not now. I will win, and it won’t feel good for either of us.

LOL @ Spencer winning an argument that she didn’t even have yet. SUCH A BOSS. And honestly, I don’t get why they made such a big stink about Spencer skipping this *one* event out of the *ten* other memorial services that had been held in Alison’s honour. How much closure does a dead girl need?

Aria: (reading the inscription) Unable are the loved to die for love. For love is immortality.
Hanna: That’s creepy.

omg so rude so unnecessary! Her brother is right there, Hanna! A little mausoleum decorum please?

Aria: It’s Emily Dickinson…
Hanna: I don’t care if it’s Santa Claus, consider me creeped!

Hanna, what is your problem with Emily Dickinson and Santa Claus!? STOP THROWING SHADE AT THEM! :-(

In a total dick move, Spencer decides this is the perfect time and place to drop a bombshell on Jason, revealing that his dead sister was pregnant with Detective Wilden’s child when she got killed, so better make room for two in the mausoleum!

Is this Spencer’s M.O. now? Is she gonna be like the fictional equivalent of a suicide bomber, who comes running into a scene and blows everything into chaos? It’s like she cannot bear the thought that another character might possibly be content with their lives, so she is determined to destroy their spirit and kill their happiness. Ezra, you abandoned your kid! Ella, your job does not matter! Jason, guess who knocked up your sister! KTHX, I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED TO KNOW, YOU ARE WELCOME.

And then, she did this. Spencer decides that any time is ~*graffiti time*~ and starts carving out Toby’s signature on his mother’s grave!!! HOLY FUCK, SPENCER. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!? O_O Has she completely gone off the deep end!? I can’t even begin to describe how inappropriate and disrespectful and downright twisted this is! If you wanted to lash out at your ex-boyfriend, go slash his tires or scratch his car or something, but leave his dead mother’s gravestone alone!!!

Spencer has truly hit a new low. It’s not enough that she already fucked up everybody’s lives, but she’s also determined to fuck up their afterlife as well. Nobody shall rest in peace under Spencer Hastings’ watch!

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32 Responses

  1. Default avatar Theo February 20th, 2013 / Wednesday

    brb wishing the emily hypnotherapy cap would become one of the new comment avatars

    GREAT REVIEW AS ALWAYS. <3

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 20th, 2013 / Wednesday

      OMG YESSS! I haven’t thought about that, but best suggestion ever. I want to keep updating the avatars until the girls are all making ridiculous faces. ^_^

  2. Default avatar Anon February 20th, 2013 / Wednesday

    To be honest, I’m getting really tired of this show. I don’t give a fuck about Caleb’s dad or Ezra’s son and I especially can’t keep watching the selfish little bitch Aria is. But I really do love your recaps!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 21st, 2013 / Thursday

      Yeah, I think I’ve given up on thinking anything important is going to happen outside of the season finales, so I’m kind of used to it. I feel like the best way to enjoy this show is to pull a Spencer and not give a fuck about anything that happens. I watch each episode and just mostly go *lol* here* and *lol* there, so that’s why my recaps are the way they are~

  3. Default avatar OnyXx February 20th, 2013 / Wednesday

    Okay, reading this recap and reminiscing this odd little episode has brought me to these conclusions.

    1) Aria is a friggin creeper for being all up in Ezra’s apartment while he’s gone. AND the fact that he has no clue. Who knows what she was doing while the cameras weren’t there? *shivers in disturbance*

    2) Jamie (A.K.A. Caleb’s daddy -lawl-) seems sweet but kind of creepy like he is hiding something. Something more than being Caleb’s dad. If he actually is. Who knows if this is even a relative? If Caleb hasn’t seen him in forever, then how does he know that he is even the real Jamie? O.o
    Jamie could be held up in some dungeon somewhere.

    3) Emily. Poor Emily. She’s going to be put in an insane asylum eventually. If one tiny sound of a sprinkler makes her remember one of the most hidden flashbacks of hers, then something is wrong with that girl’s mind. It took HOW MANY episodes just for us to see that small clip? I mean come on.

    4) Hanna needs to stay out of Caleb’s business. She’s going to get him killed or something by Evil Jamie. Or Paige or something. Jamie seems to know that Hannah won’t keep quiet about the baby picture. He knew she would tell. OMGGGG he’s A!

    …. pause ….

    No. But…still. He knew. So that’s weird?

    5) Lastly, Spencer. Oh, Spencer. GET IT TOGETHER, GIRL.
    Like you said, even Spoby fans have dried their tears. She has gone over the deep end, and as seen in upcoming eps, she isn’t going to stop being crazy anytime soon. Vandalizing Toby’s momma’s gravestone was weird and why the heck did she do that anyway? OOHH NOES SOMEONE SCRAPED TOBY’S NAME ON A GRAVESTONE CALL THE COPS AWH CRAHP. I bet this won’t ever be brought up again in any other eps. CRAZY SPENCER needs to be in the insane asylum with Emily.

    Okah, I am done with mah rant(:

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 21st, 2013 / Thursday

      1.) I am ALMOST positive that “watering his plants” is an euphemism for something perversely sexual. Every time Aria goes to his apartment to “water his plants”, I’m imagining like self-pleasure or something.

      2.) Yes please. This is actually Jamie’s evil twin brother, while the real Jamie will escape from the dungeon and be introduced in a few episodes. ^_^

      3.) I feel like all the liars should start making reservations at Radley’s, and they can just check in and out of rehab like celebrities. I have no words that A SPRINKLER triggered her flashback, except lolololol

      4.) I kinda feel like Jamie is going to take the route la Kate and fade away after a few episodes in the spotlight. He’s gonna be a very low-tier villain, not enough to play in the A leagues.

      5.) I have no idea how Spencer is not locked up in an insane asylum permanently. She’s kind of like a menace to society? *lol* I still can’t believe she started carving Mama Toby’s gravestone like it’s a jack-o-lantern. GURRRL U CRAY.

  4. Default avatar DarkAngel February 20th, 2013 / Wednesday

    Why can’t Aria’s boring show be canceled? It keeps interrupting the insane show that is PLL.

    If Aria owned overalls they would be made out of feathers and glass shards and dipped in adamantium, then sprinkled with glitter.

    Don’t care about Caleb’s uncledad. This show needs to realize that they are not an Emmy worthy drama. No one watches this show for it’s realism, we watch this show for the batshit crazy horror lite shit that happens on the regular in this f-d up town.

    I love how Canadian Emily is. “I would very much like to wake up now. Please, thank you” Gurl you’re playing an American. Act like one. lolz. There are no please, thank you’s or surry’s.

    I love badass Spencer. “You don’t want to fight me because I already won 10 minutes before you walked over here”

    It’s Rosewood law – if you got murdered a thousand times in twenty different ways. The minimum amount of memorials is six. So Ali’s got two more before Jenna gets to blow her body up in one of Rosewood’s 50 barns.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 21st, 2013 / Thursday

      Aria needs to be heavily medicated every episode in order to be a tolerable character. We need Meredith to pass down her secret sauce recipe.

      I imagine Aria’s overalls would be missing the entire bottom half (like that half-jacket) so it’d be like jean shorts with suspenders + on top of all of the ingredients that you’ve described.

      Honestly, it’s hard for me to even care about Caleb on most days, so the show might be asking too much from the viewers to care about Caleb’s uncledad as well.

      I love that Emily has to ask for permission just to wake up from her own dream. And then Dr. Sullivan actually had the audacity to say no. *lol*

      Spencer already won every argument ever in existence, even the ones that she’s not involved in, so I don’t know why anyone else is trying anymore.

      lol that is true~ Alison gets a separate memorial service for every person involved in her murder, so there should be at least eighty more funerals coming our way.

  5. Default avatar The PLL Boys Suck February 20th, 2013 / Wednesday

    I hate every male on this show. Except Jason. And Wren. And Mike. But where the hell have they been? Anyway, this show would be a million times better if none of them had boyfriends. I don’t give two shits about Caleb’s family or Ezra’s son. SHOW ME A FUCKING WITH THE GIRLS!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 21st, 2013 / Thursday

      I thought Mike Montgomery was supposed to return in 3×19 with a *grrrlfriend* and it never happened!? They srsly need to set up a search party for him because I am worried. ;__;

      This show would be so much better if they cut out all of the love interests or romantic subplots, but that might leave us with approximately three minutes of actual relevant plot. *lol*

  6. Default avatar I Love Spoby, But It's Time To Move On February 20th, 2013 / Wednesday

    Anyone else shipping Spencer and Miles yet? (#Speles or #Spiles) Defiantly felt something going on there. Could be just me.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 21st, 2013 / Thursday

      Girrrrl, I’m shipping Spencer x Marion Cavanaugh, so top that.

  7. Default avatar Anonymous February 20th, 2013 / Wednesday

    I know right! Spencer ruining Toby’s moms grave wasn’t cool… And since Toby’s A and was probably already creeping on her probably saw the whole thing live in action so yeah…smart move spencer..real smart

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 21st, 2013 / Thursday

      Poor Mama Cavanaugh. It’s not her fault that her son turned out to be a total creeper psychopath, y’know? And she’s already *ded* anyway, so leave her alone and let her lie in peace! >:(

  8. Default avatar ANoelle February 21st, 2013 / Thursday

    LMFAO. Another great recap! I laughed so hard at the “#Winning” and “NON COMPRENDEZ?” captions. XD

    TBH, I don’t think what Spencer did was that bad in comparison to all the crap that the A-Team has done, but, YMMV.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 21st, 2013 / Thursday

      Spencer’s gravestone graffiti is iconic and I think we will all look back fondly at this moment in the future, like the way we do with Paige trying to drown Emily. ^_^

  9. Default avatar ANoelle February 21st, 2013 / Thursday

    I also love that whole thing you said about how wonderful Alison’s screams sounded. *still laughing*

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 21st, 2013 / Thursday

      Alison’s death = ME HIGH-FIVING A MILLION ANGELS~~~

  10. Default avatar J February 22nd, 2013 / Friday

    Lol at Dr. Sullivan becoming VampWillow “Bored now.” And can you imagine how hilarious it would be if Kate ended up being Red Coat A? Like not bring her back at all until the reveal.

  11. Default avatar Anon March 4th, 2013 / Monday

    Next recap??

  12. Default avatar DarkAngel March 6th, 2013 / Wednesday

    Episode 19 recap pretty please!
    I need something to read when I don’t feel like working.

  13. Default avatar Just Sayin March 11th, 2013 / Monday

    Bahahaha Detective Wilden is another douchy detective on the Client List, dammmmn he gets around aye. You are falling behind on your recaps…noooooooo

  14. Default avatar anon March 14th, 2013 / Thursday

    Did you go on vacation with Mike Montgomery? ;_____;

  15. Default avatar anomynous March 19th, 2013 / Tuesday

    women it’s been a month…

  16. Default avatar Anonymous March 20th, 2013 / Wednesday

    These captions are hilair.

  17. Default avatar Anonymous March 25th, 2013 / Monday

    Where have you been ? Missing your hilarious wit ! Come back to us

  18. Default avatar Theo March 29th, 2013 / Friday

    Did -A take you away from us? Is -A the only one enjoying your acerbic wit?

  19. Default avatar J.F January 29th, 2016 / Friday

    can’t get enough….liking Em though the weakest Winnie

  20. Default avatar Kaleigh September 18th, 2016 / Sunday

    Wait, who on Game of Thrones married the brother of the man they love. Renly married the sister of the man he loved, but I’m assuming thats not what you were talking about.

  21. Default avatar antonella December 3rd, 2016 / Saturday

    alquien que quiere asustarte que nos miraba donde Spencer el lleva puesto el mismo disfraz mostruo asustarte de muerte de verdad Alison estaba usando cuanto la encotranron si ese es brazaleta de Allison de que es el que encotramos en el bosque alquien hizo una copia del brazalete de Alison

  22. Default avatar antonella December 3rd, 2016 / Saturday

    sus juguete y chicas juegan esa pared asustante metio estuve aqui todas la noche mintiendo te mueres por saber quien soy ya lo averiguaras A quien es es un secretos en la caja y vio algo raro quen era sospehosos lugar habitacion de Alison odian es mi turno para tourante de acuando eso da miedo crees que esta a salvo por fuera pero no lo estan cuando estoy por dentro estas asustanda deberias estarlo perras estas notas empienzan a ser famliares la proxmas vez sera tu cara no esta calabaza

  23. Default avatar antonella December 3rd, 2016 / Saturday

    halloween patios traseron Alison alquien destrozon tu porche broma lejos es una invtacion a la fiesta de halloween de noel kahn A tambien fue tras Alison

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