Season 2 Episode 8, Pretty Little Liars Recap, Save the Date

Emily is poisoned by steroid cream; Hanna’s parents split up again.

Oddly enough, it turns out that Aria and Ezra aren’t the worst at hiding their taboo romance in Pretty Little Liars. Miss Jenna here likes to put on a show from her house window, as she gets hot and intimate with that pedocop Garrett Reynolds.

Just because you’re blind, Jenna, that doesn’t mean ~windows~ cease to exist in the world. Perhaps it’s not the best idea to make out with your secret boyfriend where the whole neighbourhood can watch. Or maybe she enjoys an audience?

And an audience she shall have! The pretty little liars all feel scandalized that they’ve confided to someone who is secretly in cahoots with Jenna. They agree that Garrett can no longer be trusted.

I was waiting for one of the girls to call Garrett a creeper, and you know these bitches were thinking it in their heads, but sadly they all had the decency not to say this in front of Aria, because the truth hits a little too close to home.

Emily is stressing out before an important swim meet, which could make or break her eligibility for a real Danby scholarship. Her body is aching all over, so she goes rub-a-dub-dub through an entire tube of poisonous steroid cream (oops, I meant muscle lotion cream) to make herself feel better.

OMG. Papa Marin, can you have a little dignity and be fully dressed before you say good morning to your daughter? Between his dishevelled sex hair and those rumpled clothes, Hanna’s father couldn’t make it any more obvious about his walk of shame on the morning after. He might as well wear a badge that says: I BANGED MY EX-WIFE SO HARD SO FEROCIOUSLY LAST NIGHT, OH YES I DID.

And Ashley is like OH YA YOU DID, YOU BIG STUD~~~ *seductive wink*

Unfortunately, receiving a wedding invitation between your ex-husband and his mistress is kind of a mood killer. Even though he screwed Ashley last night, it doesn’t change the fact that Tom is still getting married to another woman in six weeks.

Wren: Hi there! So…my last TV gig tanked and the show got cancelled after two episodes, goddamn Mehcad Brooks dragging us all down with his show killing stench. Anyway, I came crawling back to the Pretty Little Liars set for a multi-episode arc. Say hello to your rekindled love interest, Spencer!

Spencer: Oh, it’s…you, that guy with the funny accent. Erm, it’s nice to see you too. Unfortunately, I already found a boyfriend while your acting career was floundering.

Wren: Bitch please. Melissa was engaged twice and that didn’t stop you from hooking up with both of her fiancés, did it?
Spencer: Touché.

Have we actually seen Garrett do any real police work? It seems like his entire job consists of gossiping with teenage girls all day long. Unsurprisingly, he’s once again cruising the high school campus like a total creeper, but Spencer goes EW PEDOCOP and wants nothing to do with him.

Sorry, I’m just not feeling Garrett’s character at all. He appeared in a handful of episodes now, but we still know nothing about him other than the fact that he’s a cop who occasionally does Jenna’s bidding. None of the men in Pretty Little Liars are that developed either, but Garrett is especially bland. He made zero impression on me. It doesn’t help that the actor thinks wooden = mysterious in every scene.

Whatever, Garrett. Bring on the drama or GTFO.

Anyway, Garrett reports to Jenna that the pretty little liars no longer trust him. The two of them vaguely mention Jason’s name in association to Alison’s murder. However, their conversation is so cryptic that it’s impossible to make heads or tails over what they meant.

Meet Chaz, some dude who seemed just a little too eager to speak with his friend Mike. He calls out Mike’s drastic personality transformation lately. Even Chaz doesn’t know why his friend became such a dickwad.

Here at Recap Everything, we can read gay context into even the most insignificant scenes. My interpretation of this scene is that Mike and Chaz are having a lover’s quarrel. Notice how these two guys simply can’t keep their hands off each other even as they’re fighting. I think Mike is only acting out because he’s a ~*troubled gay teenager*~ who’s not ready to come out to his parents yet.

Chaz is like, “Oh Mike Montgomery, you broke into every house in this neighbourhood, but you’ve yet found the key that unlocks your true feelings to my heart!” Then Mike is like, “The material belongings that I steal could never fill the empty void left by our forbidden romance!”

But Ella is like, “These two have only interacted with each other for less than 30 seconds. How can you read anything into this!?” And I’m like, “Girl just try me.”

What a load of crock I just wrote. *lol* At this point, not even an epic angsty gay teen coming out revelation can redeem Mike’s character in my eyes. He’s just such a douchebag!

Ella scolds her son for being such an atrocious human being, but he manages to turn this around and blames his bad behaviour on Mama Montgomery abandoning the family.

Mike: I said I don’t wanna talk about it!
Ella: And I said we have to!!!
Mike: So once again, we’re back on your schedule!? Should I hurry up and talk fast before you move out again!?

Gurl, you’re never gonna live that down, are you? Mike seriously needs to get over his parents’ separation. So what if your mom left home for a few weeks because your dad can’t keep it in his pants? They’re back together now and honestly a lot of people have it way worse. Don’t be such an asshole!

I also wish Ella would stop being such a doormat. C’mon girl, you’ve every right to snap and lose your shit. That son of yours needs a good smack in the head!

Aria and Ezra’s relationship seems to have cooled off considerably, or at least from her end. It doesn’t help that Ezra acts like a jealous possessive boyfriend every time Jason’s name is brought up in conversation.

Ezra: What did you and Jason talk about? How long have you two been talking? Who initiated the conversation? Who ended it? What was the ratio of words spoken by both parties? When is your next scheduled conversation with Jason? From now on, I want a transcript of your conversations together in typed and written copies.

And Aria is like WHATEVER DUDE. She barely registers her boyfriend’s presence until he admires a pottery piece made by Jenna. Apparently, Jenna dropped out of the art class because she hates Aria just this much!

Caleb is still a shady motherfucker who’s dealing hacked cell phones in broad daylight. His criminal activities draw the attention of a strange man observing him from afar.

Worried about her bb’s safety, Hanna rescues Caleb from the man’s watchful eye. In typical Hanna fashion, she acts like they’re re-enacting a scene in some old film noir film.

Caleb: I thought we were going to catch a movie…
Caleb: Or we can just be in one. Why are you dressed like that? *lol*

Bitch is dressed up like this because she’s Hanna, okay? Let’s just take a moment and admire her fierce, fabulous, and totally ridiculous get-up.

Hanna decides the best way to hide her criminal boyfriend is to break into Spencer’s family cabin, and get him involved in more trouble with the law. She’s afraid to lose Caleb again because he might run away from town like a scared little bitch. Caleb reassures her that he’ll ~stay for eternity~ with her…or until he has to leave the Pretty Little Liars set to shoot a pilot episode for another show.

The two of them start making out, and one thing quickly leads to another. As the camera cuts away from the steamy action, let’s just hope the Hastings will disinfect this couch the next time they visit!

Ashley knows she can’t continue the fling with her ex-husband, especially when he’s cheating on his fiancée to be with her. In the end, she breaks up with Tom. This is a surprisingly mature decision, which is almost unheard of in Pretty Little Liars, considering the characters almost always makes the worst life choices possible. So good job, Mama Marin!

Breaking up with her ex-husband must be a difficult ordeal for Ashley, who’s going through a lot of emotions right now and needs all the support that she can get. Naturally, Hanna doesn’t cheer up her mother, and instead chooses to nag at her ear like a petulant teenager: “YOU BROKE UP WITH DAD!? BUT WHAT ABOUT MEMEMEMEME? HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO MEMEMEMEME? THIS IS SO UNFAIR TO MEMEMEMEME!”

Whoa, Emily’s father decides to make a rare appearance on the show! He’s here to cheer on his daughter before the important swim meet. Emily is already on pins and needles throughout the episode, and seeing her father adds even more pressure to her fragile body.

And then Emily lets out this agonizing wail that almost sounds like she’s giving birth!

It turns out Emily has a stomach ulcer for being under so much stress. The poor girl has been through a lot in her life lately, with her friend dying, coming out to her family, lying about fake scholarships, competing in school athletics, trying not to get drowned by a psycho biatch, learning how to act, etc.

Unfortunately, having a massive hole in her stomach isn’t the worst of Emily’s news. The doctors have also discovered the consumption of steroids in her body, according to the medical tests!

Emily is like I HAVE NEVER STEROIDED IN MAH LYFE, but the permanent damage is already done. These test results will forever remain in her medical records, which could ruin her competitive swimming career forever. The hospital also has to inform her parents about her drug habit, although Emily begs Dr. Wren not to say anything for now.

In case it wasn’t obvious, Emily was poisoned with some kind of infected steroid cream that had been tampered by A. What an evil, diabolical, and underhanded way to dash all of Emily’s hopes and dreams. I LOVE IT, A!!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

Emily was just about to tell her dad the truth about everything, but she cops out yet again. Nonetheless, Papa Fields remains an awesome parent who loves his daughter unconditionally. He tells his bb girl that the college scholarship and the competitive swimming do not matter, as long as Emily is safe and happy.

Hanna got ran over by a car, Spencer got framed for murder, Emily got drugged, and Aria got…coffee? Even the girls realize that nothing bad really happened to Aria so far, because she hasn’t been harassed by A that often.

Emily: Spencer, A is taking us down one at a time! Aria is probably next!
Hanna: *fingers crossed* Bitch had it too easy.
Spencer: *fingers crossed* It’s about damn time.

Spencer: *light bulb* LET’S BREAK INTO A MORGUE!!!
Aria: O_O I think I’ll pass…
Spencer: But you get to wear this cute ~candy-striper~ disguise!

Spencer is such a fearless badass. She just stomps her way into the hospital morgue without batting an eye to the dead corpses around her. Meanwhile, Aria is standing there with her O_O face and asks a gajillion stupid questions. She contributes nothing to the investigation as usual.

Spencer transforms from badass detective into badass coroner. She takes one glance at the report, and quickly surmises that Allison was hit in the head by a blunt object. She was also buried alive!

Hanna and Caleb bond over how crappy their lives are, because they’ll never be part of a perfect little nuclear family unit.

In her fit of rage, Hanna tells the stalker guy to stop following Caleb around town. However, it turns out this guy might not be who he seems to be, since he’s working for someone else…

Oh Ezra, let it go. Jealousy is not a good colour on you. Your expiration date has passed. No one likes a desperate, dried up, bitter old hag. Your underage girlfriend is obviously so bored of this relationship and wants to trade you in for a younger model. Do the right thing. Break up with her. Then find an age-appropriate girlfriend this time. You’re still going to hell for being a big predatory creepo, but at least you’ll have some remaining shreds of dignity.

Besides, Aria already found herself a brand new boy toy for Season 2. She’s fully on board in the Jason DiLaurentis love train, baby!

The episode ends when Spencer discovers there’s a ~missing~ page in the coroner’s report, which might describe Alison’s death in even more graphic detail. A must have taken it out before the girls got their hands on the file.

Oh goody, it’s a missing page. Just what we need on this show – another filler mystery to drag out this investigation for as long as possible. I can’t wait. -_-”

A, know that I’m one of your biggest supporters, but there are better places to take a nap than the hospital morgue. P.S. I hope that was a clean sheet and not one you stole from a dead corpse. – Concerned fan

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4 Responses

  1. Default avatar Anonymous February 23rd, 2012 / Thursday

    love your blog but i love ezria too so its hard to read.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 24th, 2012 / Friday

      Thanks. I do take the mick out of Ezria a lot, but I can't help it. They give me so much material to work with. *lol* If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure quite a few readers have stated they are Ezria fans too, so you're not alone. There's a support group here!

  2. Default avatar ANoelle May 23rd, 2013 / Thursday

    “learning how to act”

    LMAO, poor Shay.

  3. Default avatar A October 18th, 2013 / Friday

    Have to disagree with the ezria thing. Its really getting boring and predictable.
    PS love your blog.

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