Season 2 Episode 7, Pretty Little Liars Recap, Surface Tension

Jason and Ezra lock horns at the Montgomery dinner party; Spencer’s dad withholds a possible murder weapon from his daughter.

Hey A, you lazy bitch. Stop slacking off! Other than a run-of-the-mill message and a complimentary gift basket at the beginning, A is hugely absent from the rest of this episode. Nonetheless, the girls still keep themselves busy with a lot of dysfunctional family drama. (Except for Emily, who virtually has no storyline this episode, other than the blatant foreshadowing that her shoulder hurts a lot.)

Mama Emily abandoned her daughter like a hot potato, as she’s already reunited with her husband in Texas. Emily is living with the Marins for the time being. She goes overboard acting like the perfect guest, and even prepares a gourmet breakfast with folded napkins for her host family!

Hanna: Stop trying so hard, Em. You’re making me look bad.
Ashley: Too late. I’d like to upgrade my daughter please.

Aria’s parents are hosting a pretentious dinner party this episode. They don’t have any real friends, so Ezra got asked to be on the guest list. Aria is in a mad frenzy about this, because bringing her secret boyfriend to dinner with the parents is going to be *super awkward*.

And then Ezra reminds her, “In case you haven’t noticed bb, this entire relationship between us is already SUPER AWKWARD.”

Seriously? If you want to keep an illicit taboo relationship under wraps, you may want to close the damn door behind you!

Aria’s parents remind Mike to show up at the dinner, because it’s supposed to be a sign of ~*family unity*~. Even though Mike is like NOPE, I’M TOO BUSY STEALING WORTHLESS JUNK FROM PPL’S HOUSES, Papa Montgomery tells his son to stop being such a dick and that his attendance is mandatory!

WTF is wrong with Mike? Last season he was just an annoying brat, but this season it seems like his entire soul got devoured. At his age, and with his looks, he should be banging some bimbo cheerleader instead of acting out like this. Mike is taking ‘moody teenager’ to a whole new level.

BTW, Mike has a car mirror on his desk that says “Parents in the mirror are closer than they appear”. Is this not the coolest desk accessory ever?

Remember when Jason hired Toby to build a fence around his house? Now Peter Hastings hired Toby to remove the fence because it infringes his property. Not only is this hilarious when you think about it, but it also means Toby is making a shitload of moolah!

Toby is only supposed to take out the fence, but he sketched out a very detailed blueprint of the Hastings estate and suggested various architectural changes to the premises. What an ~*OVERACHIEVER*~!!! No wonder he and Emily get along so well.

[Insert the mandatory Toby and Spencer makeout scene in every single episode]

After school, Aria accidentally walked into the “WE SIT ON TABLES INSTEAD OF CHAIRS” Club. She finds it quite weird to see Jason and her mom talking together.

Apparently, Jason is a mentor at the high school. He’s here to educate the ~*stoners of tomorrow*~ on why drugs are bad. I wouldn’t put it past this show though to reveal that he’s secretly dealing drugs to potential school customers – that’s such a PLL storyline.

Ella is desperate for guests in her family dinner, so she invites Jason to join them tonight. Aria is like O_O at the prospect of facing both Ezra and Jason in one setting, because how will her ovaries survive this ~love triangle~???

FINALLY, the parents on this show pull their shit together and realize that somebody might be intentionally harming their daughters. Ella and Ashley voice their concerns to each other, noting there might be a diabolical scheme to put the girls in harm’s way.

The newfound Moms alliance suggests that they should discuss their concerns with the other parents in the group. Unfortunately, Emily’s family is out of town, and Ella makes an awesome *bitchface* at the prospect of communicating with any of the Hastings lol.

The two women continue to gossip and talk trash about Peter Hastings, whom thinks money can buy away all the problems in the world. He was also the one to force individual therapy and group separation upon the girls, instead of investigating what’s actually troubling them.

Ashley: Plus I heard he sux in bed.

Spencer’s dad comes out to check if Toby is still wearing his shirt or not. However, he sees that Toby has discovered a peculiar object buried in the Hastings garden…

He found a busted up field hockey stick with the ‘Hastings’ label taped to it.

And Papa Hastings is like *ohshitohshitohshit*. Because let’s face it, there aren’t that many good reasons for burying a hockey stick in the ground, unless you’re deliberately trying to hide something. Spencer’s dad is definitely guilty as fuck!

As if his reaction isn’t suspicious enough already, Papa Hastings tells Toby to keep his goddamn mouth shut. He doesn’t want Spencer to know about this incident.

But oh please. Toby is so *pussywhipped* that he’d even tell Spencer about the last time he took a poop. Spencer immediately finds out about the hockey stick, and she freaks the fuck out because this could be the murder weapon in Alison’s death!

FLASHBACK TIME: Spencer is giving field hockey lessons to Alison, who wants to learn about the sport for a *special* someone.

Alison: Spence, teach me the best way to hold this stick so that I can spank a pedophile and satisfy all his perverse sexual fetishes.

Jason gets kinda violent towards Alison in the flashback, as they fight over Spencer’s field hockey stick. Alison doesn’t give her usual bitchy comebacks at her stoner brother, and she genuinely looks scared when he (almost) swings that stick at her!

Emily quickly gets fed up living with Hanna and being roomies with such a party gal.

Emily: With all due respect, studying here is like studying the mall.
Hanna: I study at the mall all the time.
Emily: Yeah, well, I’m different.
Hanna: Is this a gay thing?
Emily: No, it’s a brain thing.

We get a lulzy scene when Emily pretty much snubs Caleb to his face.

Caleb: Hello…
Emily: Hello. Goodbye. *immediately leaves room*
Caleb: Was it something I said?

Hanna and Caleb get into a lover’s quarrel over his ~*extracurricular*~ activities. He’s still hacking cell phones for money, but she wants to tame the bad boy and discourages him from doing criminal stuff.

Caleb reveals that he used to be involved with some Really Bad People and do major league criminal activities, such as stealing cars. He knows where to draw the line though, so don’t worry about him getting into trouble.

And Hanna is like: “Wow, thanks for sharing. You’re so right. Not stealing cars anymore means it’s ethically okay that you hack phones for a quick buck. Now kiss me before our viewers realize what a shitty moral message we’re preaching.”

The Montgomery family welcomes Ezra to the dinner party. Aria’s father is like, “Ohohoho, just look at this alcohol that my UNDERAGE TEENAGE JAILBAIT LOLITA DAUGHTER still can’t drink! Aria, you’re so YOUNG and INNOCENT and NOT LEGAL to drink with us ADULTS. Wouldn’t you agree that she’s only a CHILD, Ezra?”

Jason also arrives at the dinner party, but no one showed the poor boy how to tuck in a shirt. He greets Aria with a present: “Hi Aria, here are some flowers and there is my penis. Just for future reference.”

Jason barely made oogly eyes at Aria for five seconds, but Ezra is already JELLUS of him!

HOLLA, it’s not a real party until the po-po arrives! Unfortunately, the police officer informs Aria’s parents that their son had been arrested for breaking into a house!

Aria’s parents are furious, and Papa Montgomery is especially outraged with his klepto son. In spite of their earlier rehabilitation, this arrest prompts Ella and Byron to start arguing again.

We still don’t know what’s the dealio with Mike and his recent klepto binge. However, his mug is looking more and more likely to be on the evening news for all the wrong reasons.

Jason attempts to have an awkward conversation that jealous dweeb Ezra.

Jason: So Ezra, did you have Aria?

Jason: I asked…have you got her, turned her, twisted her, spun her, bopped her, flipped her, flicked her, licked her, laid her, sucked her, fucked her yet?

Ezra: Not yet. I’ve been stuck with this piece of jailbait for two seasons and the answer is still no. *bawls eyes* I CAN’T EVEN PEDOPHILE CORRECTLY. ;_;

PARTY’S OVER. Aria tells both of the creepy adult men to GTFO her house!

Jason is like *lolok*, while Ezra makes an Aria face and goes O_O, because how dare she kick her secret boyfriend out of the house!?

Aria’s mind is too preoccupied right now to care about her complicated love triangle. Instead, she snoops around Mike’s room and discovers that her brother has possession of Jenna’s pottery creation from Episode 3!

Spencer confronts her father about the field hockey stick, but he refuses to hand over the (possible?) weapon even after they fought for it.

Peter: I can do whatever I want with the junk I found in my property.
Spencer: But it could be evidence!
Peter: We don’t need any more evidence now that Ian Thomas is in a grave I paid for! Please, try to understand. I’m tired, Spencer. Your mother is tired. And I’m not taking a chance of more questions over a stupid piece of wood!

Spencer: *whimpers* It could be important.
Peter: Important? Like the trophy you found?
Spencer: I didn’t put that in the yard…
Peter: It doesn’t matter who put it there. Or why. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s nothing. It doesn’t exist.

Spencer is very upset, because she thinks her father doesn’t trust her at all. When Papa Hastings looks at her, all he sees is a girl who planted the trophy, planted the hockey stick, and planted a whole lot of self-serving lies to cause trouble. Now more than ever, Spencer is determined to find out Alison’s killer to prove her dad wrong.

The hockey stick, thrown into the fireplace by Papa Hastings, is no more.

Emily kinda apologizes to Hanna and she does appreciate living with her, even though they don’t always get along as roomies. To make up for the fact that she has no story this week, Emily keeps *RUBBING HER SORE SHOULDER* throughout the show, because they want to hammer in the foreshadowing for a future episode.

That night, Hanna’s parents arrive home all tipsy and giggly. They start making out with each other, and eventually sneaks into a bedroom together to do the nasty!

Hanna is concerned about her parents getting back together romantically, while Emily is like CAN WE WATCH?

Aria confronts Mike about all the crap that he stole, and specifically zeroes in on the candle holder that Jenna made in pottery class.

Aria: You took things from Emily, you broke into Spencer’s house, you stole from a blind girl! This is from Jenna Marshall!
Mike: No I didn’t! I didn’t break into *that* house. That candle thing comes from Officer McFriendly’s apartment – Garrett Reynolds. I was looking for maybe a gun or something I can use to get away from here. He’s a cop, he’s got crap like that in his place.

Even though her lunatic brother just admitted to murderous intent, Aria only cares about the connection between Jenna and Garrett via this candle holder. HELLO ARIA? Your little brother wanted to STEAL A GUN! Don’t you think that’s a bigger concern than some sordid affair between a pedocop and a blind chick?

Normally, I would blame the writing for such an illogical oversight, because only a sociopath wouldn’t have red flags raised after Mike’s confession. However, Aria has been such a consistent self-absorbed twat throughout the series that I actually believe she would behave this way. *lol*

We end the episode with Spencer pouring her heart out to Garrett, only to find out from Aria’s text message afterwards that THE PEDOCOP CANNOT BE TRUSTED.

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2 Responses

  1. Default avatar A April 15th, 2014 / Tuesday

    i really love your recapes, they´re specal, and very funny :DD
    Pls finish this A-wesome project

  2. Default avatar Waffle_Muggler July 9th, 2015 / Thursday

    Omgeeee lolz all the way

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