Season 2 Episode 5, Pretty Little Liars Recap, The Devil You Know

The girls attend Ian’s funeral; Emily investigates his suspicious death.

This episode, Emily puts on her best Spencer impersonation and investigates further into the death of Ian Thomas. While her friends are happy that Ali’s killer got his comeuppance and they will finally get closure, Emily thinks the evidence doesn’t add up. What if Ian did not commit suicide? *dun dun dun*

Officer Garrett is on campus to pick up Ian’s belongings (and probably to prey on more unsuspecting underage girls while Jenna isn’t looking, amirite pedocop?) This incredibly unprofessional police officer tells the girls that Ian’s body had a one-week decay, which means he couldn’t have been the one to send those text messages, nor did he break into the houses around the neighbourhood.

Emily suggests that A might have something to do with Ian’s death, but the others dismiss her notions as GURL U CRAZY. Spencer is like “Can we just please slay one dragon at a time?” and she’s relieved that a scumbag like Ian is finally dead, no matter how suspicious the circumstances of his death are.

Lately, Spencer is batting an average of ZERO in her logic & judgment department, so I’m not surprised that she yelled at a journalist over the phone, but it turned out to be her own grandmother.

Spencer: Listen, you bottom-feeding vultures! Stop sucking the life of my family! *pauses* Oh. I’m so sorry, grandma!

No one wants anything to do with Ian after he was exposed as a KILLAH. Spencer convinces her parents to pay for the funeral arrangements, because if they don’t have this funeral, how else will she and her friends show off their stylish designer funeral attire?

Although reluctant at first, Mr. and Mrs. Hastings agree to coordinate the funeral. Mama Spencer is touched that her daughter would be so ~considerate~ to her sister’s feelings. And Spencer is like “It’s the least I can do for Melissa after stealing her school essay, her wedding ring, and her last two fiancés. Ain’t I the best sister ever?”

Ashley berates Hanna for not returning any of her phone calls. Hanna’s mom is constantly worried that something bad might have happened to her daughter, to the point where she makes a mental note of remembering what colour of shirt Hanna wears every day, in case that detail is needed for a later police investigation. Ashley breaks down, and Hanna comforts her mama bear in a sweet mother-daughter bonding moment.

Meanwhile, foster home reject Caleb watches their heart-to-heart enviously from afar.

The next day, Hanna apologizes to Caleb that she has such an awesome mom who loves her so much, while he’s stuck with a loser foster parent who has kicked him out of the house. Caleb is like AW THANKS FOR RUBBING IT IN BB, and tells Hanna that his bitch of a foster mom still gets the monthly stipends, even though he’s technically living with Lucas now.

Hanna works her magic and makes sure that Caleb’s horrible foster mom gets her comeuppance.

Hanna: This won’t take long. I just want to let you know that I know about your deal with Caleb. You know what I’m talking about. And it’s gonna have to stop. Do you see that lady over there? That’s my mom. She’s also a senior partner at the firm of Dolce, Gabbana & Leibowitz. So I suggest that you give Caleb his money, and continue giving him his money until he turns 18, or I’ll have to unleash Erin Brockovich on you and haul your butt into court. *finger snap* Mmmkay?

Hanna’s suitor drops by to thank her. She goes OH CALEB, YOUR FRAGILITY AND VULNERABILITY HAVE MADE ME FORGET HOW MUCH YOU LIED, MANIPULATED, AND USED ME LAST SEASON. THIS KISS WILL NOW ABSOLVE EVERYTHING. So I guess those two are back together again?

Aria Is just *chilling* at Ezra’s office with the DOOR WIDE OPEN in his college office. He’s like, “let me put one hand on your thigh and the other on your vadge” but then the door swings open!

No surprise, Aria and Ezra are about as discreet as a bulldozer. Jackie walks in on their intimate moment together. She quickly deducts that her ex-fiancé is boinking Professor Montgomery’s underage teenage daughter!

You can tell from Jackie’s strained bitchface that she’s judging Ezra so hard for chasing jailbait, but remains tight-lipped about the scandal…for now.

As usual, Aria is getting upset over a stupid immature reason. She didn’t like Ezra introducing her as a “student” rather than his “girlfriend”. Now that he’s not a high school teacher anymore, she thinks they can start dating in public.

Aria also reveals an embarrassing childhood nickname, and will be addressed as such for the rest of this recap:

Aria: From ages 2 to 7, my family used to call me Pookie Bear, but all good things must come to an end.

Detective Emily makes a startling discovery at the carrier shop, because one of the nervous employees working there seems awfully ~*familiar*~!

Emily has a sudden flashback to the last season finale, where Ian supposedly sent a random guy there to deliver the $10,000 in exchange for Ian’s ‘Kissing Rock’ video.

His name is Logan Reed and he comes across as a guy with something to hide. After some prodding here and there, Logan wants nothing to do with what happened that night, but reveals that he followed the instructions of a FEMALE caller. Unless there’s the slim possibility of Ian secretly being a woman, or has a female accomplice, it means someone else was behind the whole blackmail debacle.

Emily goes into full CSI mode and analyzes Ian’s suicide letter line by line, literally! Proving that she has too much time on her hands, Emily goes through every single one of A’s text messages and compares it to the letter.

And in one night, wannabe teen detective Emily did more productive crime investigation than the entire Rosewood police force throughout the whole series! She concludes that A must somehow be involved in Ian’s death, because the words in the text messages put together correspond exactly to Ian’s suicide letter!

Emily produces a detailed portfolio demonstrating how A’s messages and Ian’s death are correlated. When she shares this revelation with her friends, they’re all like GURL WE NEED TO FIND U A NEW HOBBY ASAP.

Meanwhile, Spencer wants to buy a new engagement ring to replace the one that she stole from Melissa, but shopping for one is way out of her price range. Searching for knockoff rings *lmao* brings her no satisfactory results either. Then, A harasses her with a new text message: “Would mommy hug a thief? Tell the truth Spence, or you’ll get the ring when you least expect it. –A”

Spencer hems and haws through a long-winded apology to Melissa that goes nowhere. In the end, our pretty little liar couldn’t muster enough courage to confess that she stole her own sister’s ring.

SOMEONE GETS BUSTED! Jason catches Mike Montgomery trying to break into his house, but he doesn’t call the cops or inform their parents. Pookie Bear is confused why he’s being so nice to her, even though it’s pretty damn obvious that New Jason is trying to get into her pants.

Mike: It was stupid! I was bored, okay?
Pookie: OK, let me get this straight. You decided to commit a felony because they take wrestling off Tuesday nights?
Mike: I didn’t take anything, OK? If it’s such a big deal, I’ll put Emily’s junky camping gear back. Let’s just drop it!
Pookie: Wait, you were the one who broke into Emily’s garage? O_O Did you break into Spencer’s house and body checked me too?
Mike: That wasn’t on purpose. I felt bad!
Pookie: I could tell. You running away into the night was especially touching!

It turns out teen klepto Mike has made a regular habit of breaking into people’s houses around the neighbourhood, but he wouldn’t explain the motivations behind his delinquent actions. If their parents find out about this, they’ll probably start fighting again after their recent rehabilitation, so the siblings have an unspoken agreement to keep this matter between the two of them.

Hanna wants to wear this BANGING red dress and party during Ian’s funeral, but Ashley tells her daughter to *class up* for the occasion.

Ashley: Hanna, it’s a funeral, not a Nicki Minaj concert.
Hanna: So what, I can’t dance on his grave? Can I at least throw confetti?

They also talk a bit about Ashley’s troubled childhood. Ashley didn’t attend Grandpapa Marin’s funeral, who was apparently a big loser, and she left town on her own when she was about 17 years old.

Can I just mention that I love Hanna’s mom? Of all the PLL family members, she’s by far the most complex and nuanced character. Whether she’s sleeping with sleazy cops or stealing old people’s money, we see at the core that she’s a strong *fierce* independent mama bear! I totally believe that Ashley would do anything to protect her child, which I really can’t say about the other clueless/absentee parents on this show.

It’s time for Ian’s funeral, and the girls have an impromptu catwalk show displaying the latest in funeral fashion. I heard that black, tight, and sleek are totally in style right now!

Emily tells Spencer about the latest breakthrough in her investigation, but Spencer wants to believe Ian was the killer so she could move on from Alison’s death. She warns Emily there’s a danger of being too *obsessed* with the unattainable. Besides, nothing they find out will ever bring Alison back to life.

Upset that Spencer pretty much called her a crazy obsessed bitch, Emily needs to vent to anyone who would listen. Pedocop Garrett promises that he’ll look deeper into Logan Reed and the mysterious female caller on the night of the blackmailing.

Except that he totally undermines Emily’s investigation by paying off Logan to skip town forever! Garrett is apparently doing Jenna’s bidding, and they’re somehow involved with the blackmailing as well.

Ezra attends Ian’s funeral, but gets intercepted by Papa and Mama Montgomery before he could reach Pookie Bear. In an awkward meet-the-parents situation, Ezra explains that he’s here to support the “student body” in Rosewood High.

Pookie Bear whines that Ezra didn’t man up in front of her parents today, and she wonders whether or not the two of them will always be a couple only behind closed doors. She asks Ezra to give her a hug, but he shies away from any public display of affection, thus validating her point.

IMO, this is such an immature response and unreasonable request from Aria, but it’s so typical of her behaviour. Ezra obviously doesn’t want to create a scene in the middle of a private funeral, yet Aria only cares about herself. There’s a time and place for creepy perverted teachers to come out to the parents. This is not the right moment.

Jason is at the funeral as well. Pookie Bear uses this chance to cozy up to him because he’s a potential love interest in the future.

For the longest time, Jason believes that he might have been the one to kill Alison, because he totally drugged out and couldn’t remember what he did that night. When he regained consciousness, Jason discovered a “I KNOW WHAT YOU DID” note by his side. Finding out Ian is the killer is a relief, because it means Jason didn’t murder his own sister after all.

Amidst all the personal drama, Ian’s coffin finally gets buried underground. Rot in hell, Ian Thomas.

After moping around silently for the entire episode, Melissa finally has a speaking part. She mentions that she’s gonna have a baby girl (TAYLOR HASTING IS A, Y’ALL). She also gives a genuine apology to her younger sister.

Melissa: I’m sorry I chose Ian over you. I just couldn’t believe that he would ever do that to someone. Finding out he wasn’t who I thought he was, it’s like losing him twice.
Spencer: I’m so sorry.
Melissa: No, I deserve it. I lied so much to you, to the cops, to Mom and Dad. God, I thought I was protecting an innocent man!

Spencer is finally going to confess about stealing the engagement ring, but it turns out that she has a different kind of “ring” to worry about, as A had warned her about earlier. All of a sudden, there’s a phone ringing in Spencer’s purse. She yanks it out, and that’s when Melissa sees her dead husband’s cell phone is in her sister’s possession!

Since A stuffed it into her purse at the end of last episode, Spencer doesn’t know about its existence until now…although one oughta wonder why she hadn’t noticed this strange phone in her purse much sooner.

Melissa immediately puts two and two together. She thinks Spencer was the one who sent her those misleading text messages, and had been toying with her emotions in the past week.

Melissa: YOU PRETENDED TO BE IAN!? HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!? YOU MUST REALLY HATE ME!!! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS!!! *godzilla* RAWWWRRRR!!! I WISH FOR THE ETERNAL FLAMES OF HELL TO SHOWER UPON YOU RIGHT NOW!!! DIE SPENCER DIE!!!

OMFG that was the biggest mood whiplash ever in the history of this show, because the whole exchange literally takes place in less than 60 seconds. Melissa transforms from *apologetic* to *MONSTER* immediately right after the phone rang. Spencer is still reeling in from the shock before she even knew what hit her!

A not only sends vague threats and bitchy text messages with impeccable timing, but he/she is also a riddle master now! Emily receives a message hinting her to go out to the cemetery at night.

The girls go on a night time expedition across the graveyard. Emily explains that A gave them all this evidence to frame Ian as the killer, even though it’s now clear there’s an ulterior motive and Ian might not be guilty after all. Spencer finally admits that Emily is right. Aria is still confused because she asks a shitload of questions, while Hanna is like EWW I THINK I STEPPED ON SOMETHING MUSHY.

Luring the girls to the designated spot, A shows them a projected video of Alison and Ian at the Kissing Rock. The girls are freaked out, but they have already watched this footage before…

BUT WAIT, there’s actually some new extended never-before-seen footage to this video! It turns out that Alison wasn’t dead at the time this video was shot, because she giggles and waves Ian goodbye after their make-out session. Ian might be a total pervert who preys on teenage girls, but he (probably) didn’t kill Alison.

Is there a running tally of how much A pwnt the girls anymore? I’m pretty sure the scores stand at A: Infinity, PLL: 0.

By the way, I don’t understand why A projected the video instead of just sending it to them. These girls are infamous for losing, erasing, and deleting any vital video footage on their computers, after all. And you know these bitches never heard of back-ups!

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8 Responses

  1. Default avatar huh November 28th, 2013 / Thursday

    your a dick

    • Default avatar A April 16th, 2014 / Wednesday

      Awwww someone got butthurt

  2. Default avatar -A September 4th, 2014 / Thursday

    watch your back bitches xx

  3. Default avatar Monica Elizabeth Mendez March 27th, 2015 / Friday

    It’s not going to be that easy bitches

    -A

  4. Default avatar antonella March 28th, 2016 / Monday

    asi es como yo escucho la historia las gemela jugaban tranquillas mientra esperando a que sus padres llegarar a casa pero ellas no podia ir dulce esa noche in niuna mas ella levanto cuchillo en el aire y lo enterro muy dentro en el pecho de su hermana y una sonrisa enferma le cruzo la cara mientras veria la sangre brotar del conrazno de su hermana y no tuvienro opcion mas que envida lejos a una esa para crimenles demetes y ahi permancio hasta ayer que es escapo juro volver a rosewood y puañandar a todo niños que se atreva a ir dulce en halloween

  5. Default avatar antonella March 28th, 2016 / Monday

    desfrazarse trasero bromas asustanda creo que hay alquien ahi asustannos ver a alquien en la ventana los niños siempre entran ahi en halloween escalifirios es una casa viejas pared asustante mintiendo

    tu mueres por sabe quein soy ya lo averiguaras A quien es es un secreto radley tu mataste a Alison

  6. Default avatar antonella March 28th, 2016 / Monday

    la noche que murio Alison habitacion dentra de la casa dilaurentis donde esta en tierra removida desparezca asustanda no estoy muerta yo no mate a Alison eres una niñas engañas cuando me oyo estaba viva aprendio no es A no es misma persona

  7. Default avatar antonella March 28th, 2016 / Monday

    para matar a charlotte aperacion sospechosos esa noche asesino charlotte fue un accidente sara ha voelto al radley arhivos vi charlotte entar en la isglesia entre detras de ella cogio un candelabrio y la apuñale en el parte postrior del cuello con el extremo entonces la llave al al campario y le tire volvi al hotel y fingi haber salindo un mintuto a por hielo lo de robar la grabacion de seguridad no fue porque saliera en ella Aria fue porque salia yo te mato charlotte sara harvey quiere que se resueleva este asesnato

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