Season 2 Episode 4, Pretty Little Liars Recap, Blind Dates

Hanna chaperones Lucas on a double date; Ian’s whereabouts are finally revealed.

Last episode, Spencer decided to check away her sister’s wedding ring and her common sense at the pawn shop. She was like I’M BUYING A TRUCK FOR MAH MAN and did not think about the consequences afterwards. What did Spencer think would happen? She must have known on some deep subconscious level that A would strike again, right? Now she had stolen Melissa’s wedding ring, all she got in return was this lousy horseshoe A left behind!

Can we just take a moment and talk about Aria’s ridiculous outfit in this scene? What the hell is Aria wearing!? Why is her hair tied up like she’s a backup dancer in a 90s music video? Did she think she had to dress for the occasion, so she decided to put on a GANGSTA get-up? (Aria’s wardrobe is a bigger mystery than the identity of A and the identity of Alison’s killer combined.)

Aria’s mom finally gets her shit together again. She reconciled with her husband, moved back into the house, and is starting her first day as a full-time high school teacher to replace Mr. Fitz’s vacant position. Aria is so proud of her mom and goes WERQ IT GURL, but her bratty brother Mike isn’t ready to forgive and make nice with his dysfunctional family.

Emily’s mom is over the moon that her baby girl won a scholarship to a prestigious college like Danby. The good news is that they aren’t moving away to Texas anymore, so Emily gets to stay at Rosewood with her friends.

The bad news is that A keeps harassing Emily, thus reminding her that she has a ~*fake*~ scholarship and she’s deceiving her family.

Lucas: *whine* *whine* *whine*
Hanna: Relax! You’ll be totes fine on your date with Danielle!
Lucas: *whine* *whine* *whine*
Hanna: No, I won’t be the third wheel and accompany you two!
Lucas: *whine* *whine* *whine*
Hanna: I’m definitely not going if that grease ball Caleb will be there!
Lucas: *whine* *whine* *whine*
Hanna: FINE I’LL GO. JUST STOP BEING SUCH A LITTLE BITCH.

Hanna decides to go on the double date to rescue Lucas’ pathetic love life, which Caleb interprets as a signal for O YA SHE SO WANTS ME.

So Spencer storms into the hospital, acting like she owns the place as she tells nurses to GTFO left and right. She’s here to talk to Dr. Wren about his shady involvement with Melissa. Apparently, Wren has been giving meds & painkillers to Spencer’s sister, who plans to smuggle these to her husband-in-hiding. Wren is helping her because he feels responsible for Melissa charging right back to Ian after their break-up.

Spencer: Will you help me find Ian?
Wren: No! But I will change my mind near the climax of the episode when the plot demands it.
Spencer: k, see u then.

Aria and her parents believe that Mike goes to play basketball every day after school. She’s surprised to find out that he isn’t there, and he hasn’t been there for a couple of months now.

Aria and her parents believe that Mike goes to play basketball every day after school. She’s surprised to find out that he isn’t there, and he hasn’t been there for a couple of months now.

STOP THE PRESSES. Apparently, the male population of Rosewood is not just consisted of generic and interchangeable white men who all look the same. In case you’re wondering where all the black guys are on Pretty Little Liars, this episode proves that you can easily find them on the basketball court! Meet Aria’s acquaintance, Lewis, who comes and goes to give one expository line about Mike’s absence.

Instead of finding her younger brother, Aria stumbles upon Jason DiLaurentis in a mandatory shirtless scene. New Jason makes a very awkward pass at Aria about how much he likes the pink hair she used to wear, because it makes her ~*UNPREDICTABLE*~.

From this short exchange, we learn that it doesn’t take much to get Aria’s juices flowing. All it takes is an attractive older guy who compliments her appearance, and Aria looks like she’s ready to jump his bones! Ezra who?

Emily’s mother meets Samara for the first time. To make up for an entire season of monstrous parenting, she decides to be *open-minded* and invite her daughter’s girlfriend for dinner!

Samara is like OOH GURRRL, UR MOM HAS SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE. I COULD NEVER IMAGINE LYING ABOUT A FAKE SCHOLARSHIP TO A SWEET WOMAN LIKE HER. And Emily is like “Yes, how convenient that my mom has a 180 personality transformation just as I’m on the verge of a moral dilemma concerning my family. Well-played, writers.”

Now Spencer storms into Melissa’s living quarters, acting like she built the place (technically she did). She goes through her sister’s belongings and finds a packed suitcase, which not only contains men’s clothing and Wren’s medicine, but it also has Ian’s passport!

And Spencer is like HOLY SHIT THIS MEANS IAN IS ALIVE, NO OTHER EXPLANATIONS NECESSARY.

Aria tries to be a responsible sister for five seconds, but quickly gives up when her douchey brother gives her a hard time. He won’t tell her where he spends his afternoons. And if Aria brings this up to their parents, Mike will *expose* the fact that Aria has been hanging out with her friends behind everyone’s backs.

Hanna is merely acting as the chaperone during this double date, but Danielle thinks otherwise. She assumes that Hanna is still attracted to Lucas (girl, that ship has sunken so deep for so long), and is only using Caleb to make him jealous. And Lucas is like WOW EVEN I’M NOT THAT INSECURE. WE MUST BE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.

Lucas: *whine* *whine* *whine*
Hanna: What!? She thinks I have unresolved feelings for you!?
Lucas: *whine* *whine* *whine*
Hanna: Trust me, we dropped that storyline in purgatory hell.
Lucas: *whine* *whine* *whine*
Hanna: Why are you even attracted to this mousey insecure bitch?
Lucas: *whine* *whine* *whine*
Hanna: OK, OK. I’ll ~pretend~ to flirt with Caleb so she doesn’t get the wrong impression anymore.

Emily’s mom wants to start touring the Danby campus and facilities. She would also like to chat with the recruitment scout about the acceptance letter details. Emily is tongue-tied and almost on the verge of admitting the truth…

Luckily for her, Samara fabricates a fake bullshit explanation out of her ass to save the day.

Samara: The truth is Danby has a great team, but Emily is an amazing swimmer and she can qualify to every school worldwide. I personally know the coach of the Olympics team, and trust me you don’t want to limit your options by committing to one school this early on. With her times, Emily is totally able to swim across the Pacific Ocean in five minutes. She can pretty much achieve anything.
Mama Emily: That makes a *reasonable* amount of sense.

The date was a smashing success. Lucas comes over to thank Hanna for being so nice to him. She has come a long way since being part of Alison’s evil posse, which is quite an interesting way to thank someone for their generosity.

This moment is a *REVELATION* for Hanna, who realizes that she has become a Good Person without Alison’s corrupted influence!

Mike continues to deceive his parents about where he hangs out every afternoon. Threatened by Mike’s words earlier, Aria cannot tell the truth about what a little shit her younger brother is.

Mike is like I TAKE MY CLASSES IN DOUCHEBAGGERY FROM NOEL KHAN. YOU’RE WELCOME, SIS.

Although she was reluctant to chat with her therapist earlier, Hanna has a change of heart and starts sharing her true feelings on Alison.

Hanna: You were right. Alison is still with us. With me. More than I want. Our friendship was work. You had to impress her to make her like you. That meant doing things maybe you don’t feel so good doing. Sometimes bad things.
Dr. Sullivan: If it was so hard, why was it so important to be her friend?
Hanna: She can make you feel special.

It was a pretty cool scene where Hanna confronts her inner demons channelled through Alison. In short, Hanna is not the same girl as she used to be under Alison’s bad influence. She may have done some bad deeds in the past, but she has moved on from their destructive friendship.

It was a pretty cool scene where Hanna confronts her inner demons channelled through Alison. In short, Hanna is not the same girl as she used to be under Alison’s bad influence. She may have done some bad deeds in the past, but she has moved on from their destructive friendship.

Hanna: You can’t reach into my life anymore. Not unless I let you. You’re gone. And I’m so over missing you.

We’re finally ready to move forward with the Ian plot, so Spencer sends her characteristic SOS bat signal and the pretty little liars are on their ways to meet up together!

Ashley: We need to talk about your last therapy session…
Hanna: BRB, I’M GONNA CATCH A KILLER, KTHXBYE.

Mama Marin is concerned about her daughter’s therapy sessions, because Dr. Sullivan’s office was completely trashed after that previous visit with Hanna. The police investigation indicates there was no forcible entry, because A is evidently an omniscient being (or has a key).

Ian had sent a text message to Melissa, who confides in Wren about it. In turn, he tells Spencer about this latest development and here the four pretty little liars are – hot on the trail to catch Ian Thomas once and for all!

Melissa is one step ahead of the Liars, but when she enters into Ian’s hiding place, she soon emits a high-pitched shrieking cry!!!

Spencer comes rushing in to find Ian’s dead corpse leaning against the wall, with a revolver in his hand and a bullet hole through his head. Ian Thomas is dead, again – and this time, there’s no possibility he’ll come back to life anymore.

The peanut gallery reacts in horror to the dead body, while Aria looks like she’s stifling a sneeze!

Dead Ian also left behind a suicide note in which he confesses to killing Alison. Its full transcript reads:

I killed Alison. I lost my temper because she knows too much. But there’s only so much you can bury. It won’t be that easy, but I know how to get rid of the pain. I can’t run from the law. Come and find me. – Ian

Melissa is obviously devastated at her husband’s death. Spencer decides this is not the right time to rub it in Melissa’s face and have an I TOLD YOU SO moment.

A Eulogy for Ian Thomas – A Haiku
Pedophile is dead
He who preys on underage
Ezra, you are next
Read more recaps!

3 Responses

  1. Default avatar ashleigh January 13th, 2013 / Sunday

    OMG Ezra ur next? lol

  2. Default avatar bored August 13th, 2013 / Tuesday

    You typed the part about Aria and her parents thinking Aria’s brother is playing basketball twice and use two different pictures for it.

  3. Default avatar faniac February 6th, 2014 / Thursday

    aria’s reactions can be off da edge when ezra’s not on the screen

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