Season 2 Episode 3, Pretty Little Liars Recap, My Name Is Trouble

Hanna plays matchmaker; Jenna confronts Aria; Emily forges a fake acceptance letter.

HEY YOU GUYS, remember Wren – the original generic brunette with the funny accent? He was Melissa’s fiancé at the beginning of the series, until he ditched her for her sixteen-year-old jailbait sister! I wonder why he’s suddenly included in the “Previously on Pretty Little Liars” segment. *big hmm*

Speaking of Melissa Hasting, can someone cut this bitch some slack? She lost two fiancés, she lost her husband, and now she even loses her wedding ring! I don’t know much about superstition, BUT I THINK THE UNIVERSE IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, BB.

Hanna’s parents are getting on like old chums, but she doesn’t understand their relationship since he’s getting married to another woman.

Ashley: Things change. People grow. And by that, I mean I’m obviously lonely, horny, and haven’t gotten any action since cougaring that incompetent shirtless cop in Season 1.

Our four heroines catch up on each other’s lives in the school washroom.

Spencer: I have field hockey.
Emily: I have swim practice.
Aria: I have extra credit class at Hollis because I’m obsessively stalking my professor boyfriend and his ex-fiancée Jackie.
Hanna: I have…hand moisturizer?

Toby: Hey Spencer, check out my brand new kickass cell phone I just bought! It kinda looks like a DS console, no? Now listen to me complain about how broke I am, how I need money to move out of my parents’ house, and how no one will hire me for a job!
Spencer: OMG SO MUCH ANGST *turned on*

Actually, Toby did find a new construction job around the neighbourhood, but it’s New Jason who hired him to build a fence around his house. Spencer doesn’t like this arrangement at all, but Toby needs this money so he can buy a truck and find better employment outside of town.

Meanwhile, Hanna reconnects with Lucas, who has no time for her anymore because he struck up a weird bromance with Hanna’s ex Caleb (their conversations must be fun). In fact, Caleb is even living at Lucas’ house for the time being!

Since Hanna isn’t involved in any extracurricular activities and has no life outside of her friends, Lucas (of all people) takes pity on her and invites her to work on the yearbook.

Aria is so happy that she can be a couple with Ezra in public…AT THE FUCKING COLLEGE THAT HER DAD TEACHES THREE DAYS A WEEK. *facepalm* This isn’t going to end well, is it?

Ezra’s ex-fiancée Jackie also teaches at Hollis, and she has this ‘EW JAILBAIT MUCH?’ expression when she sees Ezra and Aria together.

Aria is taking an art class at Hollis for extra credit, but what she didn’t expect is that her evil counterpart Jenna would be in the same class with her! Afraid of an ugly confrontation, Aria pretends to be “Anita” in class and keeps her distance away from Jenna whenever possible.

>Spencer is scared of being HOME ALONE after the recent break-in at her house, so Emily gives her some sage advice.

Emily: Sometimes when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
Spencer: Why are you talking to me like Ben Franklin!? There’s a murderer living next door, my parents are in New York, and all I have to defend myself is a hockey stick!

FLASHBACK TIME: Jason has a rowdy party at his house, and Alison is upset for reasons unknown. She also happens to be the only girl at that party. In a rare moment, we get a glimpse that Alison has an emotion other than BITCHY, but she won’t tell her friends what’s bothering her.

Spencer thinks that Jason might have done something to hurt Ali, especially on the night she was killed. Emily just tells her to stop actimg like Harriet the Spy and go to sleep already.

At Yearbook Club, Hanna’s contributions include gossiping about Lucas’ nonexistent love life. She notices that he’s “crushing” on a mousy looking girl named Danielle, but he’s too much of a wimp to make the first move. It doesn’t help that Hanna completely destroyed his self-esteem last season.

Hanna decides to play matchmaker between Lucas and Danielle. She acts as his wingman, and starts singing praises about him in front of Danielle.

Hanna: He got that quiet nerd thing, but he totally got a wild side. I just couldn’t compete with all the other girls in the eleventh grade!
Danielle: OMG UNATTAINABLE GUYS ARE SO HAWT *turned on*

Spencer is still scared to be home alone, but she won’t find any sympathy in her ruthless older sister Melissa. She recalls how Melissa used to protect her from the schoolyard bully, but Melissa insists that she got bigger problems to deal with than a stroll down memory lane.

While Melissa is tearing down the whole house in search for her wedding ring, Spencer manages to find it behind a toaster (wtf); however, she doesn’t return the ring to her sister right away…

Hanna’s dad tells his daughter that he’s having some trouble with Isabel (the new woman in his life) over their wedding arrangements.

Tom: Things are tense between me and Isabel.
Hanna: Does Mom know that?
Tom: Your mom catches on pretty fast. Usually faster than I do.

Aria and Hanna get excited when they read Emily’s new acceptance letter, which promises her a full scholarship if she stays at Rosewood until the end of the term!

Except that the acceptance letter is a total fraud! Emily typed up her own letter so that she can convince her family not to move away to Texas!

Hanna: OMG. You’re a total rock star, Emily Fields! You’re totally getting me into Harvard! *lol*

Aria is *shocked* and *outraged* that Emily would fake an acceptance letter to fool her family.

Aria: This just feels really wrong.
Hanna: Oh really? And taking an art class with Jenna isn’t? Hope your first assignment is how to make a weapon. *lol* Oh big deal, she changed a few words! It’s like what Alison used to say. You’re not lying. You’re just pre-telling the truth.

Aria doesn’t want Emily to deceive her family, but Emily insists there is no other way. If she doesn’t convince her mom with this letter, she’s going away for good.

In a total fanservice scene, Toby tells Spencer that he can’t quit Jason’s job because he desperately needs the money. The job out of town won’t be waiting for him, and he needs to buy a truck ASAP.

When Jason goes outside to throw the garbage away, the bag bursts open and reveals a whole lot of dried up blood!

Jason: Whoops, good thing I didn’t rip open the bag containing that dead body. ER I MEAN I CUT MYSELF OOPSIES.

In urgent need for some cash, and since the bank is close over the weekend, Spencer decides to take Melissa’s ring and pawn it! She gets enough money ($7000) to buy Toby a truck, although the pawn shop guy isn’t convinced this ring is hers.

Thanks to Hanna’s meddling ways, Danielle decides to ask Lucas out on a coffee date. He’s suspicious of Hanna’s motives though, because why is she suddenly acting so nice to him?

Not only does Hanna steal hand moisturizer, she steals her mom’s life advice too. She gives Lucas the whole “THINGS CHANGE. PEOPLE GROW” spiel, and how she doesn’t want to be remembered as the bitch who broke his heart. Lucas buys into the BS and thanks her for being such a good friend to him.

Emily is still conflicted whether she wants to mail the fake acceptance letter or not…

To help her make a decision, Emily’s mom suddenly shows a maternal side as she’s going over her daughter’s childhood mementos.

Pam: Emily, it must be so hard for you to hide who you are. And to think that you told me the truth, that I wouldn’t still love you no matter what.
Emily: Mom, I don’t feel that way anymore.
Pam: I know you don’t. *wipes tears* But it wasn’t easy getting here, right?

Prompted by the unexpectedly sweet mother-daughter bonding session, Emily realizes that she has been a petulant daughter and *family* always comes first. So, she decides to throw away the fake acceptance letter!

Rich bitch Spencer pawned her sister’s wedding ring to buy Toby a truck! Toby is forever grateful that she would do this for him and he loves her sooooo much.

As the two of them exchange saliva with each other, the always creepy Jason is just standing there and enjoying the view.

Like a symbolic parallel to Lucas & his new crush, Hanna plays matchmaker between his parents and decides to meddle in their blossoming relationship.

When Isabel apologizes to Hanna’s dad for being a bridezilla, Hanna erases this text message so that her father doesn’t see it. And I’m perfectly okay with this, because who the fuck sends a sincere apology through a text message? What are you – Caleb? At least give him a call, bitch!

HBIC Jenna asks “Anita” to help her clean up the classroom. And then she keeps babbling on like Anita is her new best friend.

We then get this really fucking creepy angle of Jenna, and just when you thought it couldn’t get any freakier…

IT FUCKING DOES! OMFG!!! *pees pants*

Jenna pours her heart out to Anita about losing her vision. She used to look up at the sky and see these beautiful sun rays, but no matter how hard she tries to emulate the feeling, she just can’t see anything but darkness anymore.

Anita tries to act like a decent human being in this situation and consoles Jenna, but it doesn’t end well because Jenna identifies her voice.

Jenna: Aria? Is that Aria?
Aria: *shits self*

When Aria finally confesses, Jenna immediately snaps back to HBIC mode and tells Aria to get the fuck out of her face.

Jenna: Blow out the candle!
Aria: Jenna…
Jenna: *ownage* BLOW!!! IT!!! OUT!!!!

Emily’s mom gets very excited because she just read the fake acceptance letter, and believes her daughter has a full scholarship to one of the most prestigious schools nationwide!

And Emily’s like …THE FUCK? DID A GO THROUGH MY TRASH OR IS A JUST AN OMNISCIENT BITCH?

A’s cryptic message reads: “You can’t play cat and mouse if the mouse moves to Texas. I need you here, Em. Congrats! – A”

That night, Spencer catches her sister sneaking out for a secret rendezvous. The girls are convinced that she’s meeting up with Ian, so they follow her outside.

IS THAT WREN??? OMG WHAT IS HE DOING HERE IN THIS 5 SECOND CAMEO? AND WHAT IS THAT MYSTERIOUS PACKAGE HE JUST DELIVERED TO MELISSA? OMFG!

We end the episode at the pawn shop, where the storekeeper decides to give Melissa’s wedding ring to A instead! OH SHIT!

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1 Response

  1. Default avatar Anonymous September 3rd, 2012 / Monday

    Love your PLL recaps! Keep up the good work, girl!

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