Season 2 Episode 22, Pretty Little Liars Recap, Father Knows Best

Who is the worst daughter ever? Hanna for lying to her mom about A? Spencer for accusing her dad of killing Alison? Or Aria for being a twat in general?

In the latest episode, the pretty little liars compete against each other to see who is THE WORST DAUGHTER EVER. There’s Hanna, who goes “I luv u, mom!” but then starts throwing cell phones into sinks five minutes later. There’s Emily, who goes “I luv u, dad! But I luv Maya more, so let’s spend all our father-daughter bonding time to find that crack whore instead.” There’s also Spencer, who goes “I barely tolerate my dad and now I think he’s the prime suspect in a murder investigation.” And then there’s Aria, who behaves as Aria often does. Like an ungrateful, bratty, self-absorbed twat – and that’s her on a good day!

OMG SOMEBODY CALL ANIMAL CONTROL!!! It seems like Aria has killed a leopard, skinned the poor creature, and then draped it over her legs!

Seriously, what’s up with her ridic wardrobe!? Did Aria replace all her clothes with hideous leopard spots on purpose? First the leggings. Then the dress. And I bet Ezra would see a similar pattern if he ever got the chance to undress her unmentionables!

The annual father-daughter dance is coming up, but Aria is hesitant to attend the event because of the apparent ~*irony*~. Um okay. I guess anything passes as ‘ironic’ nowadays if the definition of the word has changed to ‘things that I don’t want to do with my father whom I hold a childish grudge against’. At least we know Aria misuses the English vocabulary just as much as she misuses leopard spots in her wardrobe.

Byron: Let’s coordinate clothes so that my tie matches your dress! ^_^

Aria: Nothx. Unfortunately dad, nothing in your closet comes close to complementing my leopard spotted dress, so don’t even try. v_v

Look at Ella shamelessly eavesdropping into their conversation. She’s probably thinking: “Yesssss, my kids don’t hate me as much as they hate my husband! I’m only the second worst parent in the Montgomery household!”

We get the most ~*adorable*~ scene ever as Mike puts on shaving cream and pretends that he has any facial hair, armpit hair, or pubic hair to shave. Unfortunately, his face is as smooth as a baby’s bottom, so watching him shave is like watching your kid sister put on make-up and jewellery at your mother’s vanity table. I think it’s c00t that Mike wants to play make-believe with grown-up stuff tho. So adorable! *pinches his cheeks*

It’s also kinda adorable that Pretty Little Liars wants us to think Mike hasn’t gone through puberty yet. Like, how old is his character supposed to be? I know he has a baby face, but surely he must have hair growing in ~*all the right places*~ by now.

Mike is deejaying at the father-daughter dance, which means we’ll get a split second shot of him wearing headphones later in the episode. (I also wanna know who this Gavin character that he keeps hanging out with. Just a friend, or are those two playing with each other’s ds and jjs?)

Anyway, Mike goes like “lol ezria sux” and then Aria launches into a tedious tirade about THE POWAH OF TRU LUV, which I’ll spare you the details. You’ve heard it all before.

Hanna’s dad sucks so much that he can’t even make a cameo appearance in this episode. Papa Marin claims that he has a business meeting, but it’s likely that he just wanted to avoid the shitstorm of choosing between his birth daughter and his new stepdaughter. You can’t really win when your options are either “Sorry Kate, you’ll always be the second best child to me” or “Sorry Hanna, you’ve been replaced by a bitchier blonde in the family tree.” Tom made the right call by skipping town tonight!

Mama Marin is all like “We’re a modern family! Nowadays, mothers can become father figures too!” so she decides to accompany her daughter. Hanna is *secretly cringing* because she knows full well that her mom will get sooooo many drinks and digits from all the horny dads at the school dance.

Nothing brings a man and a woman closer together than a SEX SCANDAL. Ashley wants to investigate who is blackmailing her daughter, while Wilden encourages her to go snooping in Hanna’s cell phone for answers. She should obviously take parenting advice from a single and childless bachelor who nearly got fired for inappropriate behaviour with minors. What a great idea!

Darren: Hey sexi, what you wearin’? ;)
Ashley: Ugh bitch. I told you not to call me at my home! D:
Darren: Let’s meet up tonight for drinks while we investigate the intimate details of your teenage daughter’s personal life.
Ashley: Ugh fine. But bring the handcuffs.

I’m calling it now – these two are soooo gonna fuck if Wilden stays around long enough for next season.

Ashley refuses to be the kind of mom who snoops through her children’s cell phones (aka. pulling a ‘Patricia Heaton’) so she asks Hanna for ~*permission*~ to read her text message. The end result is as expected.

Ashley: Can you give me your phone pretty please?
Hanna: HDU!? RAGGGEEEEE!!! *throws it into the sink*
Ashley: But I said pretty please! D:

Can somebody tell Hanna that throwing shit into various kitchen appliances is not the correct way to dispose electronics? Between the incidents with the blender and the sink, this is starting to become a trend with her. I’m surprised she hasn’t tried to put her laptop into the microwave yet!

Emily’s dad descends from heaven and makes his second cameo appearance this season. As always, Papa Fields puts all the other PLL parents to shame without even trying. Only a kickass dad would act as his daughter’s wingman in her silly little teenage fling. Like, do you think Byron Montgomery would have accompanied Aria to the bus station so that she can reunite with her lover? (Okay, maybe that one was a bad example…)

Remember when Melissa promised to tell Spencer ~*everything*~ last episode? Well, the bitch lied!

Melissa: I still don’t believe I married the guy who was capable of killing Alison! The night of the funeral, I wanted to talk to you about this. I’ve been holding onto this feeling that something’s wrong ever since then.

That’s her so-called big reveal!? Lame!

Spencer: So you went to Garrett about it last night?
Melissa: I did, but I think it was a mistake. I shared a lot with him. Maybe too much.
Spencer: Like what?

Read in between the lines, Spencer! Your sister spent the night with a guy, she didn’t return home, and they’re both single. Melissa is trying to tell you that she had PREGNANT SEX with Garrett in that stank car of his, and now she’s regretting the rebound.

Melissa throws shade at her own father and even accuses him of murder! She suspects that Papa Hastings acted very suspiciously on the night of Alison’s disappearance, and now he’s overcompensating to hide a guilty conscience. Of course, Spencer eats up this theory because she likes to believe the worst in people. Everyone is guilty unless proven innocent.

Unfortunately, the other pretty little liars are still convinced that Spencer’s sister is a shady ass motherfucker. I love how they begin every sentence with a variation of “MELISSA IS DEFINITELY A!!!” just to piss off Spencer.

Emily: Did you guys get that text from A?
Hanna: Yes, and now Melissa is threatening to kill our parents.

*lol*

It’s hilarious that nearly every member in the Hastings family has been a suspect in Alison’s murder – Jason, Spencer, Melissa, and their daddy too. Going by the rule of red herrings, it probably means Mama Hastings is the likeliest culprit just because she’s the least suspected. You read it here first, folks!

The main event in this episode is the father-daughter dance at the school. Somebody in the design team needs to change that picture in the banner next year, because it kinda looks like the daughter is *macking* on her papa from this camera angle!

*OMGGASP* Emily’s father has a scandalous secret too!!! He begins his confession with “My sweet daughter, I have to be truthful with you~~~” and you can see his halo slipping with every word out of his mouth. But then he continues with “Sorry I’m leaving home for six months to be a war hero for the great country of America~~~” as Papa Fields fixes his slightly askew halo while it grows brighter than ever.

Oops sorry, false alarm – I thought something interesting might happen with Papa Fields’ cameo in this episode. Guess not.

I don’t know why it’s such a big deal that he’ll be away for a long period of time, considering that we never see him on the show anyway and he only appears for two episodes every season. Like, he couldn’t be more absent if he tried.

Well, at least he has a bigger presence than certain other parents on this show. *gives Papa Marin the side eye* I love this image of Hanna standing there like a miseryguts while all the families dance happily around her.

The pretty little liars have a good bitchfest about A, especially now that Mama Marin and Mama Montgomery are coming close to finding out the truth. However, one of these girls is not like the others, and Spencer makes it obvious that they can’t speak freely with an intruder in their group.

Spencer: HUSH! WE CANNOT MENTION THE DOCTOR WHO SHALL GO UNNAMED!!!
Mona: Why? Because you’re a cliquish bitch who doesn’t trust me?
Spencer: No, because we don’t want to draw attention to the numerous unresolved loose ends on this show. Dr. Sullivan who?

Poor Mona. She’ll never be part of the cool kids with all their inside jokes and references about A. She can get the blackmail text messages, she can wear the ruffled dress, she can even put on the orange prison jumpsuit and do community service all she wants, but she’ll never be a full-fledged Pretty Little Liar at the end of the day. :-(

Anyway, Hanna is like “WELP! My mom thinks I’m a shady ass bitch!” so Mona recommends a plan to ease up on Mama Marin’s suspicions. She asks for a volunteer who is “best at hiding the truth from someone who’s close to you.” And without any hesitation, all three of them reply with Aria’s name. I love how they pay no regards for Aria’s feelings and also felt the need to *point fingers* simultaneously for extra emphasis. They don’t even apologize afterwards when Aria gets mad at them. *lol*

Aria acts all offended even though her reputation as a lying hobag precedes her. To put it into perspective, she won the title over Emily who hid her sexuality from her parents for over a decade – that tells you exactly how much of a filthy liar Aria is!

*lol* Can Spencer look any more miserable standing next to her father? Then again, I’d be upset too if I have to be photographed with an ugly shower curtain as the backdrop. Gotta love those high school budget party decorations.

Papa Hastings starts using these dated slangs as he attempts an awkward conversation with his daughter. Every time he says something like “let’s pump up the jams, man!” and “bust a move, sistah!” I kinda cringe in second-hand embarrassment.

And Spencer is like “OMG please stop trying so hard to be a cool hip dad. You are failing. Miserably. Now I know how Haley from Modern Family feels. :\”

Spencer is unable to contain her emotions any longer and erupts into a massive list of “HERE ARE ALL THE REASONS WHY MY DAD SUCKS. Reason #1: he’s a lawyer. Reason #2: he knocked up the neighbour’s wife and hid away the bastard son. Reason #3: he definitely killed Alison’s ass even though I have no real evidence other than a paranoid hunch.”

Papa Hastings is like “Wait, I killed what now!? O_O” and Spencer is like “Bitch, did I stutter???” as she storms out of the dance in typical Spencer rage.

Well, at least they made it through half a dance and got a photograph at the event, which is more than what Papa Montgomery experienced with his bb girl. Aria wants to leave the dance IMMEDIATELY because she has better things to do than to spend a lovely evening with her father. Such as…erm, making up fake bullshit stories to Hanna’s mom about a police document. -_-”

Byron: Can we at least get a photo first? We got one from…
Aria: …EVERY YEAR. You and your little girl, I know. But you need to understand something – I’m not your little girl anymore. I’m sorry, but I’m not. Okay?

OMG. WHAT A BITCH. It’s not like Aria’s dad was asking her to save up her virginity until marriage or something equally absurd. All he simply wanted was a picture with his daughter! One fucking photograph! And she didn’t even have to smile for it! Was that too much to ask for!?

Mona’s plan didn’t require the participant to behave like a selfish ingrate to their fathers, so I guess that was Aria’s own special touch to the proceedings. I just feel sorry for Byron that he got stuck with such a shitty daughter. D:

Back at home, Mike is like “At least I didn’t abandon you at the father-daughter dance, so go change your will now and leave all your inheritance to me, kthx.”

Mike starts talking about how his dad is being too hard on Aria, and he shouldn’t disapprove the relationship without understanding it first. I swear this is how nine out of ten coming out speeches sound like, so I almost thought Mike was gonna inch his way out of the closet in this scene. At least it would be a better storyline than watching the downtrodden path where Aria’s parents come to acceptance with their daughter’s taboo lover. Ugh.

Aria: I’m A. A for anonymous. A for Aria.

OMG. She said it! Those were her exact words, not mine! Taken out of context, of course, but the important thing is we have it on record that Aria Montgomery admitted to being A! There, the bitch confessed. The moment we’ve all been waiting for – Aria Montgomery is A. Mystery solved! End this shit show now!

How about A for an atrocious liar? The so-called plan consists of Aria pretending to be A, pretending to fake a police report, and then pretending to scare Hanna with it to stop her from shoplifting again. Or at least that’s what Mama Marin was supposed to believe.

My goodness, what a load of poorly fabricated crock. The lie itself already demands your wildest imagination, but it’s made worse since Aria cannot tell a believable story to save her life. I know the bitch lies a lot, but she really sucks at it!

Thankfully, Mama Marin isn’t dumb enough to believe a single word of that bullshit. She tells Mama Montgomery afterwards: “I don’t know what’s less believable – Aria’s lie about her criminal mastermind identity, or Aria’s lie about taking Photoshop classes to fake the police document. As if we’re supposed to believe the girls have that level of technological proficiency when they struggle to use a computer half the time. Bitch please.”

Mama Marin wants to dig deeper into her investigation of A, but Mama Montgomery is worried about the possible consequences. Nonetheless, the moms are taking action at last!

SPOILER ALERT: Are they really going forward with this A reveal? I think they’re moving too fast! The show isn’t ready yet. After just 44 episodes of beating around the bush and writing filler storylines that go nowhere, I feel like Pretty Little Liars can still stretch out this A mystery for a couple more seasons. Who’s with me? :D<

Hey, it’s a random Toby appearance! Thanks for shining a bright beaming ray of light from your crotch. We miss you too.

The unintentionally funniest line in this episode goes to Spencer, who claims that she “doesn’t want to keep a big secret” from her father. *lol* As if. The writers really need to stop putting these types of lines in the script, because all the viewers know right away it’s a laughable lie.

Anyway, being truthful means Spencer gets to bitch out her dad all she wants. She confronts him about the mysterious $15,000 cash payment that was documented in his office. However, Peter is more concerned when he finds out that his gun is missing from his desk! Which means it’s time to call the po-po!

If Spencer thought the cash payments were suspicious, it gets worse. She also discovers a large stash of photographs in her daddy’s desk, and they are all pictures of Alison DiLaurentis. Tsk, tsk. Papa Hastings claims these pix are for an ongoing investigation, but you’d think ONE single picture would’ve sufficed. I’m not sure why he needs such a shitload of Alison pictures unless he plans on masturbating to a new one every day of the month. There, I said it.

Well, Papa Hastings is all out of unbelievable lies, so he decides to throw his own daughter under the bus instead. He insists the $15,000 is paid towards a detective to find some answers – it turns out Melissa was a prime suspect in Alison’s murder since she had been harassing the dead bitch with angry text messages. :O

Oh Melissa, you so cray-cray~~~

Surprisingly enough, I find Peter’s story kinda plausible. I mean, it’s totally ludicrous behaviour for a regular sane person, but sending electronic threats to teenagers matches Melissa’s brand of crazy to a tee.

We end the episode with Jonah (aka. PLL writers) suddenly discovering a new lead to Vivian Darkbloom. Why do they bother with these contrived reasons to send the girls on empty goose chases that won’t further the plot? They should just begin every episode by picking out a random address in the phonebook and skip the pretences.

The new address leads them to the store where A bought those creepy dolls a dozen episodes ago! Looking at the disastrous storefront window, this shop belongs to a business owner who clearly doesn’t give a damn. Oh yeah, just throw random disjointed doll parts in front of the store display! That’ll attract the customers!

When Aria puts on a red trench coat, she gets mistaken as Vivian by this MYSTERY DUDE. Oh great, it’s another indistinct pretty boy to add to the male cast. Because this show could never have too many good looking white guys who all look vaguely familiar to each other.

Guess how Aria reacts to this surprise stranger creeper???

O_O

Why of course.

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21 Responses

  1. Default avatar Charlotte March 7th, 2012 / Wednesday

    OMG. I love that last screen cap.
    I just cannot resist laughing when looking at Aria's O_O face.
    It's the pinnacle of the show, practically.

    Okay. I cannot lie. (Well, actually, this is the internet, so I can do so easily.)
    But I won't.

    I totally have the hots for Papa Hastings. He and Jason are like the only eye candy (yeah, I don't go for pervy teachers….)

    Great recap, as usual.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything March 20th, 2012 / Tuesday

      I will never get tired of laughing at the Aria face. This is her greatest contribution to the show. O_O

      And omg yesss, Papa Hastings is a total fox! And I so wouldn't mind having his illegitimate child. <3

  2. Default avatar Leo March 7th, 2012 / Wednesday

    GIGGLE GIGGLE MIKE! Oi, you forgot the pic when Mike is deejaying with this random dude, yo! :(
    Best thing: “or are those two playing with each other's ds and jjs?” I don't know what that means, but it makes me LOL.

    And I agreed, Aria's just A for a BISH! She really annoys me these days, with her wardrobe and A-ttitude. And those O_O eyes. This week's episode has LOTS of it. (For this week's episode, please do mention that hideous-see-through red long dress Hanna wear to school and Spencer's so-thin-you-can-see-her-tank-top-coat when she talked to Toby. These high schoolers are just unbelievable! And that “awkward” flying scene Aria has. Hilarious!)

    • Default avatar Recap Everything March 20th, 2012 / Tuesday

      Honestly, I don't even know what ds and jjs mean, but it sounds dirty so that's good enough for me. :D

      Unfortunately, I can't comment on all the ridiculous wardrobe choices on this show, because the list would be forever endless. However, I will always make room and find time to criticize Aria though. I have a love-hate relationship with her character *lol*

      And that flying simulation scene is, hands down, the most ridiculous scene I've ever witnessed on this show. *omgdying*

  3. Default avatar Anonymous March 7th, 2012 / Wednesday

    It's pretty sad when I sympathize more for Papa Montgomery who cheated on his wife then I do for Aria. I love how Ashley figured out Aria was lying within minutes while Aria's own parents had no idea she was seeing her teacher for one and a half seasons … I guess your detective skills are good when you sleep with the police force lol

    • Default avatar Recap Everything March 20th, 2012 / Tuesday

      I think Chad Lowe directed this episode though, so he probably made his character more sympathetic than he deserves. But yeah, Aria acted like a Grade-A twat in this episode, and there's just no excusing her behaviour. I wanted Papa Montgomery to disown her as a daughter.

      Ashley is such a fierce goddessa. She should just quit her job at the bank and start working in the police department with Wilden.

  4. Default avatar Anonymous March 7th, 2012 / Wednesday

    Ahahaha Arias O_O face makes me laugh everytime. Love reading these recaps so glad your back :P

    • Default avatar Recap Everything March 20th, 2012 / Tuesday

      TY! Aria's O_O face is like the mascot of the show.

  5. Default avatar Sabs March 7th, 2012 / Wednesday

    Dude I was totally expecting Hanna's dad to show up at the dance with Kate! and is it just me for did Spencer look more like Papa Hastings' first class call girl instead of his daughter? And now I totally want Hanna to put Caleb's laptop in the microwave or put someone's ipod in the garbage disposal. Hanna is definitely the type to pull a Desperate Housewives and kill someone with a blender.

    • Default avatar Anonymous March 10th, 2012 / Saturday

      Did Spencer look more like Papa Hastings' first class call girl instead of his daughter?

      YESSSS

    • Default avatar Recap Everything March 20th, 2012 / Tuesday

      *omglmao* It did cross my mind that they look more like a couple than father/daughter, but your comparison is far more apt. Well, at least Spencer looks like she'd be a high end type of call girl with premium & classy services. :D

      I'm waiting for the episode where Hanna loses her shit and wreaks havoc to all her kitchen appliances. You know it's comin'.

  6. Default avatar Anonymous March 7th, 2012 / Wednesday

    O_O

  7. Default avatar Anonymous March 8th, 2012 / Thursday

    I love the screen cap of Hanna, Emily, and Spencer pointing at Aria because of their expressions.
    Hanna's face is just straight-up, Emily's is kinda sympathetic, and Spencer's is just plain sassy.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything March 20th, 2012 / Tuesday

      I just love the image of them all pointing to Aria at the same time. Emily is the only one who looked remotely sympathetic. Hanna and Spencer are just like “Check the facts, bitch~”

  8. Default avatar Beth March 11th, 2012 / Sunday

    I agree with Charlotte. The last screen cap is hilarious! The emphasis on the Aria eyes is priceless :P

    • Default avatar Recap Everything March 20th, 2012 / Tuesday

      I know! Aria never ceases to amuse~~~ O_O

  9. Default avatar Anonymous March 18th, 2012 / Sunday

    So true – Because this show could never have too many good looking white guys who all look vaguely familiar to each other.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything March 20th, 2012 / Tuesday

      These generic male hotties are practically the red shirts of the series. They come and go and all of them are kinda interchangeable with each other.

  10. Default avatar Pretty Little good_girl December 4th, 2012 / Tuesday

    Oh my god I hate that Bitch Aria.. how can anyone act that with your own father??

  11. Default avatar Pretty Little good_girl December 4th, 2012 / Tuesday

    I mean. how can anyone act like* that with your own father??.. Best Father & Daughter is Emily & her Dad.

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