Season 2 Episode 21, Pretty Little Liars Recap, Breaking the Code

Mona is being blackmailed by A; Melissa & Psycho Paige are back; Spencer gets pissed, snockered, and smashed.

MONA GURL, U IN DANJA!!!

Lately, A decided that messing with the four bitches just isn’t twisted enough and had resorted to playing mind games with their friends & families as well. Mona becomes a honorary fifth pretty little liar in this episode, as she receives harassing text messages from A. She can either expose Hanna’s mom as a dirty whore who sleeps with corrupt cops (lol Mama Marin), or directly go to jail for shoplifting!

We are, of course, talking about that storyline wayyy back in the pilot episode, where Ashley kept her daughter out of a permanent criminal record by bribing Wilden with her ~*sexy lady legs*~. Not only does A have pictures of this illicit sexual favour in action, but we also find out that NOBODY in Rosewood owns a pair of functional curtains in their houses.

Unfortunately for Mona, she doesn’t have a mommy who would spread her legs at the police precinct, which means her shoplifting charges won’t get dropped like Mama Marin’s panties did.

Hanna finally informs the other pretty little liars about the shoplifting incident (so at this rate, they might find out about the bank money scandal in Season 5). Hilariously enough, Spencer and Aria behaved like judgmental bitches, thus giving us this amusing exchange:

Aria: So that’s why you were never charged with shoplifting? O_O
Spencer: All of this was over a pair of designer sunglasses?
Hanna: *evil eyeing all of you*

Except Emily, who totally gushed over how much Mama Marin rocks her world, and still managed to squeeze in a backhanded dig at her own mother in the same breath!

Emily: omggg i luv your mama so much, hanna. she’s so hot and sexy and caring and has legs that i would like wrapped around me now that i’m single again. btw i’d like to remind everyone that my mom is a total bitch who’d drive me to the police station if I did something like this, except I would never steal since I’m a well-adjusted teenager raised in a household that values ethics, morals, and principles. Not that I’m judging you or your mama tho, Hanna! Still lurve her! ^_^

Personally, I think we should all be able to pay off our crime with sexual favours in exchange. A traffic ticket is roughly the equivalent of one mean handjob, and a shoplifting charge probably warrants a one-night stand. With this flawless justice system, not only would it save taxpayers lots of money, but the police might actually enforce the law for a change. Besides, who needs bail money when you have your active libido?

I know this isn’t the first time Mama Marin’s reckless actions have given A plenty of ammunition to use against Hanna, but I am still TEAM ASHLEY all the way. I love that she’s a fierce mama bear who’s not afraid to lay down with the law *literally*. A lot of parents could learn from her. Don’t knock it until you tried it!

Ashley: I don’t know how you sleep at night!!!

Of course you wouldn’t know. I bet Wilden didn’t do a lot of sleeping in your bedroom during his little rendezvous last season.

Ashley: Did you really think you can intimidate my daughter into confessing a crime that she didn’t commit!?

Well, he got her mother to do a lot more for a crime that’s worth much less, so you can’t really blame a guy for trying.

Ashley wrongly assumes that Wilden was just being a dick cop who’s blackmailing her daughter, but he’s like “WTF!? Why would I give this to her??? Evidence like this could get me written off the show again in a pronto! And this time, I don’t have a failed pilot series to attach to my acting portfolio yet!”

In the end, Mona didn’t take the bait from A. She went back to the store going all “hai i m returning dis necklace i stole from you, u r welcome :)” and the store manager is like *calling the cops and ur parents* and *sentencing you to a lifetime of community service*. Scenes of Mona in an orange prison jumpsuit or it didn’t happen!!!

Even though Mona didn’t take the bait this time, A is like “Ohohoho, wait until you see what other kind of laws that Marin bitch broke! You’ll give in eventually! BTW here’s a free apple.”

Since Mona is such a *loyal* friend who didn’t squeal, Hanna invites her to sit at the cool kids table during lunch, which is a pretty sweet gesture I guess …until you realize that it took this scandalous incident before Hanna *finally* allowed Mona into her little clique, which makes it less sweet and more self-serving. But hey, the important thing is that Mona’s moving up the school cafeteria hierarchy, y’all!

Don’t Aria and Emily look like they’re thinking of five different things they’d rather be doing instead of eating lunch with Mona? Don’t worry, girls, it’s just one meal. You won’t catch the ~*uncool*~ for too long.

I’m so proud of Mona, getting accepted as the fifth pretty little liar in the show! This is almost as poignant as the time when Sailor Venus was finally inducted as part of the sailor scouts. :-)

This episode also sees the return of several crazy bitches to the show, including Melissa and her oddly misshapen baby bump. It looks like the show put a deflating balloon under her sweater and hoped that nobody notices.

I shouldn’t rag on Pretty Little Liars too much, since it seems like the show went out of its way to hide her pregnancy bump in every scene. When have they ever used out of focus shots, or make the character speak with her back turned, or do fancy editing whenever Melissa is approaching? In most episodes, we’re lucky if the scene composition even frames the characters properly. The show only gets so creative when it’s desperately trying to hide something from the viewers.

The second crazy bitch is none other than Psycho Paige, who has returned with yet another ~*FIERCE*~ hairstyle. OMG YAYAYAYAY. I love watching this bitch because I never know what to expect from her. In this screenshot, the fact that I can’t tell if Paige is looking at Emily with a lecherous glance or a crazed glare just adds to her appeal. Is she gonna kiss Em, or try to kill her in the swimming pool for old time’s sake?

Since her previous appearance under a different hairpiece, Paige has come out to the world as a BIG OLE LESBO. Emily is like “oh sry, i didn’t get the memo!” and Paige is like “omg closeted lesbians are sooooo Season 1, better get with the times, Emily!”

BTW I just want to point out this hilarious science fair poster in the background. I love how there’s a dinosaur floating in mid-air as it strides towards the heart of a volcano. Instant classic.

Can Psycho Paige make it any more obvious that she has been stalking Emily in hopes of getting some pussy?

Paige: Oh Emily, I am so sorry that I *accidentally* bumped into your vagina! What a complete random coincidence that we would run into each other here right after you got your ass dumped by Maya! Kiss me to feel better?

Poor naive Emily thinks she can still work things out with her ex-girlfriend. Oh gurl. Give it up already. Knowing Maya, she’s probably getting high at some opium den in San Fran.

Before Emily could even finish saying “Maya left me to smoke some weed”, Psycho Paige apparently sees this as a signal to KISS THE BITCH, because she just fucking went right in there with no warning! Jesus, Paige, at least buy the girl some dinner first before you start macking on her!

It’s kind of amazing that Emily hadn’t even been single for half an episode, and she is already being pounced on by a new love interest. Unfortunately, Emily still believes she has a girlfriend in some bizarro alternate universe, so she reacts to Paige’s kiss with a big “DO NOT WANT” and runs away afterwards!

Ooh Paige, burrrrrn!!! I guess in terms of the hierarchy, weed smoking crack whores still rank a little higher than crazy psychotic bitches who tried to drown their girlfriends upon the first introduction.

Who’s this random dude!? I thought there was a clause in Garrett’s contract where he must appear in every PLL scene that requires the presence of a cop!?

Officer Whatshisface informs Emily that they need to talk about Maya St. Germain. *gasps* Has something happened to her!? Did she go missing!? Was her body found!? I’ve a sneaking suspicion that Psycho Paige is probably behind the disappearance, so they should check to see if there’s a corpse at the bottom of the swimming pool.

After seeing what happened with Mona, wouldn’t it be funny if Maya was also being blackmailed by A? Maybe she fabricated that whole “stalker ex-boyfriend” lie to hide the truth. It’d certainly justify some of her strange actions in the past few episodes

Just imagine A going like “BREAK UP WITH EMILY OR I’LL EXPOSE YOUR DRUG HABIT” or “ACT LIKE A TOTAL BITCH TO YOUR GF’S MOM OR I’LL EXPOSE YOUR CRACK TENDENCIES” or “SMOKE THIS JOINT AT EMILY’S PARTY OR I WON’T DEAL YOU ANY MORE DRUGS”

OMG this theory would explain sooooo much!

Aria and Spencer have a meeting with Jonah to find out who was sending these mysterious texts to Alison. Now that she has gotten two thousand dollars from her older brother, Spencer has an inflated sense of self-worth and proclaims outrageous statements like “I AM THE MONEY!!!” Wow, power trip much?

SCAM ALERT: Spencer paid two thousand dollars for a fucking piece of paper with some hokey address on it. As if it’s not painfully obvious that guy probably just picked some random address from the phone book and wrote it down for an easy two grand. Hell, I would do exactly the same thing.

Did Aria and Spencer really believe that the show would reveal A’s identity in any episode other than the season finale? Fat chance. But hey, it’s not really Spencer’s money anyway, so who cares?

At least this address manages to entertain the pretty little liars for the rest of the episode, as they go breaking in and snooping around and HOLY HELL WTF IS THAT ON ARIA’S LEGS!?

You know how some people dress in black to avoid detection when they’re doing something sneaky? Well, Aria is like “SCREW DAT LOGIC. IMMA PUT ON MY TIGHTEST AND LOUDEST PAIR OF LEOPARD LEGGING FOR THIS OCCASION.” Yeah, that’s right – she’s only wearing one leopard legging if that’s even somehow fucking possible. I’m starting to think that Aria just picks her wardrobe completely in the dark and doesn’t look at the mirror afterwards. It would explain a lot.

OMG SHOCKER. It turns out this old wrinkly man is A!!! I knew it all along!!!

Okay, not really. It’s pretty obvious the old man is not A, so the girls realize that they just got scammed! Well, that was a colossal waste of time (the same could be said about this show in general), although it was funny to watch Aria fall on her ass like a chump.

Aria did manage to steal a letter from an old man’s home, so she can include that in her long list of lifetime accomplishments. Sorry, I just can’t take anything she does seriously when those leopard leggings are screaming in my face.

Caleb unveils another piece of video footage that conveniently corresponds with the show’s narrative pace. In this video, we discover that Melissa is also involved in the N.A.T. Club shenanigans, or at least she was present in Alison’s bedroom on the night of the murder!!!

And all the girls are like OMGWTFBBQ at the revelation that Spencer’s sister is a shady ass bitch. Aria and Hanna look surprised, Spencer looks mortified, and Emily looks like she’s in the middle of a stifled yawn. I guess Shay Mitchell is still a few acting lessons away from pulling off a believable facial expression. Keep trying, bb!

Melissa becomes a very suspicious figure after it’s revealed that – wait for it – she did her internship at the same company found on the mail that was stolen from the old man’s property! Okay, that’s a bit of a stretch even for this show, but okay we’ll go along with it. MELISSA IS A! I TOLD YOU SO!

Spencer still has some sisterly loyalty and doesn’t want to accuse her of anything before talking with Melissa first. They were supposed to meet at a pub, but Garrett shows up out of nowhere going like “HEY BABY, WANNA CHILLAX IN MAH CAR?” and Melissa is like “I AM A SHADY ASS BITCH SO YES.”

This all takes place in front of Spencer, so she gets to witness her own sister ditch her for some creeper dude instead. Who knew Melissa and Garrett share some history together? Well, apparently Wren does, since he’s a gossipy little bitch who reportedly saw Melissa and Garrett in the maternity ward of the hospital together.

Are they supposed to be an item? Did this bitch really go through the trifecta of Ian, Jason, and Garrett? What does it say about Melissa that she keeps hanging out with guys who pine for these underage girls?

But enough about Melissa. Let’s talk about that pedodoc Wren getting some teenage poon, wooooo~~~

So, Spencer gets drunk and Wren decides to take her back home like the gentleman that he is. Oh wait, that didn’t happen, because he decided to take a drunken teenage girl back to his place for an overnight stay. And that’s all you need to know about Wren’s intentions, I’m afraid.

Wren talks about all his lovable quirks, including his OCD and his incessant need to alphabetize everything in his bookshelf, from Breaking Dawn to Twilight. Let’s not forget his other quirks too, such carrying a handkerchief, driving a vintage car, or any time he speaks in his bloody accent. Wren’s character is essentially one big list of eccentric and endearing quirks.

Wren: My family has issues too!
Spencer: O RLY? Like what? Did somebody butter their bread with a steak knife?

I should probably discuss how an intoxicated Spencer was trying to climb Wren like a tree with her ~*drunken seduction skills*~. I can’t tell if the scene is supposed to be erotic or uncomfortable, maybe a little bit of both.

Wren: Spencer, are you pissed? Snockered? Drunk?
Spencer: *giggling* I am smashed!!!

ARE YOU PISSED??? *lmao* Only he can get away with a line like that. Oh bless Wren and his quirky little heart, even though he’s really no better than all the other perverts on the show.

I guess we’re supposed to believe nothing really happened between them, especially when Spencer woke up the next morning and went like OH SHIT I’M A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT, which is a mood killer for most adult men.

Well, that applies to most men except Ezra. *groans* Yes, it’s that time of the episode again where we have to trudge through the always unbearable Aria and Ezra scenes. This time, I think they’re fighting about him taking that job offer in New Orleans or whatever. Ezra is like “I’m starting to think it’ll never work between us!” which is roughly translation for “Aria, you’re starting to get a little too old for me. I prefer my jailbait below a certain age threshold. Time to move to New Orleans!”

And then Aria starts bawling her eyes out with extreme vigour. This level of crying is only appropriate for the death of a loved one or the cancellation of your favourite TV show, so bitch needs to tone it down a notch.

Like honestly, these two go through the SAME ROUTINE every couple of episodes, so I’m not sure why Aria acts like the world is ending. She must KNOW that Pretty Little Liars will never destroy the Ezria relationship no matter how much we pray for it in every episode. Hell, there could be a fucking apocalypse and the only things that would stay alive are cockroaches & Ezria. So stop crying and get a fucking grip, you insufferable twat!

Aria starts pouting and stomping angrily at home, because she believes that her parents are rotten people for trying to protect their daughter from being used by a predatory high school teacher. Eventually, her childish tantrums wore down Mama Montgomery, who has come around to accepting their taboo relationship.

Ella shows up at the apartment and goes like “I DO NOT CONDONE YOUR RELATIONSHIP”. Then, she sits down and has a nice cup of tea while listening to her child and her lover try to explain their mess of a relationship.

You can tell from the look on Ezra’s face that he is annoyed Aria’s family members keep showing up at his home. First Byron and now Ella. What is this? The new Montgomery family hangout?

Fortunately, the show spares us from the scene where Aria and Ezra try to explain their love for each other, although I am very curious about what they would actually say. I imagine there’d be a lot of awkward silences and O_O expressions as per usual with this couple.

Ezra: I fell in love with her as soon as I found out she wasn’t old enough to order a drink at the bar, where we promptly had unprotected sex on the bathroom counter.
Aria: And things only went uphill when I found out he was my high school teacher!

We end the episode with Melissa promising to tell Spencer about ALL HER SEKRITS next episode. Hopefully, her scandal would be a lot juicier than some of the lame shit that we’ve gotten in the past…

…because if I have to sit through another revelation about online gambling debts, bug bite photos, and martial arts competitions, I will shoot a bitch!!! Pass me the gun, A!

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21 Responses

  1. Default avatar Anonymous February 24th, 2012 / Friday

    Omg i love reading your reviews :') they have me in stitches

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 25th, 2012 / Saturday

      Thank you. If it makes you laugh, I've done my job. :)

  2. Default avatar Anonymous February 24th, 2012 / Friday

    did you notice that the school day when Mona sits at the PLL lunch table…almost EVERYONE is wearing BLUE? Look at it again. Hanna, Mona, Emily, Aria, people in the background. Maybe its just me?

    Oh and seriously. Aria. GET A FASHION COORDINATOR OR SOMETHING!!!!! either she gets dressed in the dark, or she wants to wear old lady clothes or look like a whiny clown. 'A' needs to burn everything in her closet. Same with the other girls who wear holey shirts.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 25th, 2012 / Saturday

      I'd like to think the blue clothes are part of a widescale conspiracy, but it's most likely that the wardrobe department just finished visiting the laundromat and the only clothes available were the blues. :O

      The holey shirts are my biggest pet peeve, but Aria's wardrobe never ceases to be horrible. I didn't even touch on those tiny metal spikes on her blue dress in this episode, but it's just ridiculous. It's like everyone else would be wearing normal or occasionally stylish clothes, and then there's Aria wearing the strangest ensemble with some kind of ginormous out-of-place accessory.

  3. Default avatar Anonymous February 25th, 2012 / Saturday

    “Hell, there could be a fucking apocalypse and the only things that would stay alive are cockroaches & Ezria.” LMAO! Another great recap!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 25th, 2012 / Saturday

      And even the cockroaches would shun Ezria because they are just THAT annoying. :3

  4. Default avatar Anonymous February 25th, 2012 / Saturday

    i love ezria

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 25th, 2012 / Saturday

      We'll see who gets the last laugh when the apocalypse arrives.

    • Default avatar Anonymous February 26th, 2012 / Sunday

      you love ezria?! do you also wear just one leopard legging over who knows what and horrendous spiky silver clothing? do you, on occasion, have ARIA EYES?! O_O

  5. Default avatar Leo February 26th, 2012 / Sunday

    “You're almost legal age now and daddy no like!” LMAO. That one is the most hilarious. I love Ezria but I also love how you attack them LOL.
    And God, you should have part in your recap to analyze Aria's wardrobe. That spiky-metal necklace, leopard leggings, girl is trying to make a trend except she's just making a clown out of herself lol.
    And Wren is just so smexy with his accent and charm. Too bad, still a pedo-doc lol.
    I don't really like Paige the last time she's on the show but I adore her now! She got this bad-ass aura around her lol.
    I don't trust Mona yet. Could be a part of a bigger plan to break the girls from the inside.
    p.s.: WTF IS MIKE?

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 27th, 2012 / Monday

      These recaps wouldn't be half as fun if I didn't get to mock Ezria every week. :-)

      I amtempted to start a section describing all of Aria's ridiculous fashion choices in every episode. Girl is just out of control.

      I've loved Paige ever since she tried to drown Emily in the pool, only to become her love interest several episodes later. It was love at first drown. <333

      I guess they're saving the Mike coming out storyline for Season 3. It's okay. I'm patient. :-(

  6. Default avatar Anonymous February 27th, 2012 / Monday

    “This is almost as poignant as the time when Sailor Venus was finally inducted as part of the sailor scouts.” – OMG ! The Pretty Little Liars are totally the Sailor Moon girls !

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 27th, 2012 / Monday

      *lol* Aria is totally the Sailor Moon of the group, for better or for worse.

    • Default avatar Anonymous March 7th, 2012 / Wednesday

      I love you guys for knowing/loving/referencing Sailor Moon! I'm not the only one, yay :3

    • Default avatar Recap Everything March 20th, 2012 / Tuesday

      CRESCENT MOON POWER~~~ TRANSFORM~~~

  7. Default avatar Anonymous March 9th, 2012 / Friday

    I don't even watch the show and I know I'll love these recaps 100x as much.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything March 20th, 2012 / Tuesday

      Aw thx. Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to read these recaps without knowing anything about the show. Hopefully my half-assed recaps can suffice~~~

  8. Default avatar Tech Gyrl March 22nd, 2012 / Thursday

    You do know that some viewers are pissed that the writers change

    • Default avatar Recap Everything March 25th, 2012 / Sunday

      I actually love Maya MORE now that she's a dishonest bisexual drug user. The crazier they are, the better. <3

  9. Default avatar Jess June 28th, 2012 / Thursday

    I really do laugh my head off when reading these, thanks! The funny thing is that I only started reading these halfway through series two, and before that I was honestly inspired by Aria's wardrobe!

  10. Default avatar Leah May 13th, 2013 / Monday

    At the last scene when we can see A it seems like he touches so he can see where the bullets are. So a clue is that A is blind or something like that, so Jenna!! <3

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