Season 2 Episode 18, Pretty Little Liars Recap, A Kiss Before Lying

Nice thumbnail, Kate! A nekkid picture surfaces; Alison dons a wig; Maya and Emily sort out some of their issues.

Meet Vivian Darkbloom, the name found on the fake ID in Alison’s bedroom, which may or may not belong to her. Except the chick in the ID has dark hair! This only adds more fuel to the popular twin theory amongst online speculation, but I personally think that idea is so passé and unoriginal (which means it’ll probably come true on the actual show).

Wouldn’t it be far more exciting if Alison DiLaurentis had an undisclosed alter-ego instead? Maybe she’s like Batman – rich bitch by day, caped crusader by night! Or maybe she’s kinda like Hannah Montana – ordinary teenage girl by day, international rock star by night! Think of all the possibilities!

The best part about Caleb’s hacking scenes is watching the girls try to make heads and tails with the advanced technological stuff.

“Oh Caleb, how do you put this thingamajig into the thingamabob?”
“What happens when you press Shift more than 5 times on the keyboard?”
“Why don’t you take the blurry pixels in a photograph, magnify the pic, and then somehow reveal vital information to the plot?”
“Can you use the computer to explain why Aria is wearing pieces of lettuce on her ears?”

(That last question is from me. Because seriously, Aria?)

Anyway, the fake ID is the only piece of info that Caleb could hack from the phone this episode. Tune in next week to find out which plot device the writers want Caleb to obtain!

One person who’s missing out on all the action is Hanna, who keeps calling her friends and keeps getting ignored by them. Funnily enough, she calls Emily first, Aria second, Caleb third (lol chicks before dicks) and only dials Spencer’s number as a last resort. How embarrassing to discover that you are dead last in your friend’s list of preferred companionship? :(

Nobody is responding to Hanna’s calls because they’re afraid she’ll throw shit into blenders again. Spencer was a good enough friend to pick up the phone, but only made it blatantly clear that they are ostracizing Hanna on purpose.

Hanna: Do you wanna watch a movie? I’ll even watch the artsy foreign ones you like where all they do is stare at windows.
Aria: OMG TELL HANNA THAT WE AREN’T HERE!!!!!
Emily: SHUDDUP ARIA, SHE CAN HEAR YOU!!!!!
Spencer: Um Hanna, I…err…I’m chilling with my family right now. Sorry!
Hanna: -_-“

Hanna doesn’t know that her friends are secretly hacking the phone behind her back, which puts her in a tough conundrum, since A is digging up BANK ROBBERY storylines from Season 1 to blackmail her again.

“Call off your techno-boy-toy or I’ll tell the cops what your mom keeps in the lasagna box. – A”

Unbeknownst to her friends or her family, Aria has hooked up with Ezra again and they’re doing godknowswhat in their secret meetings. I’m glad they’re being more discrete with their relationship than usual, but how long before Ezria can’t help themselves and revert back to kissing in school parking lots and/or rainy street intersections?

It’s astounding that Aria and Ezra pay no attention to traffic law whenever they’re macking on each other. Last episode, they were like FUCK TRAFFIC JAMS as they kissed in the middle of the street. And this episode, Aria is like FUCK SEATBELT SAFETY as she throws herself onto Ezra while he was supposed to be driving! WTF!?

DON’T KISS AND DRIVE!!! OMG I was terrified when the car kept on moving forward in full speed, yet Ezra had his eyes closed, his mind occupied, and his hands completely off the steering wheel. How these two managed not to kill themselves in a vehicle collision is a miracle. When I say watching Ezria is like a car accident waiting to happen, I didn’t think the show would interpret it this literally!

Hurricane Kate has finally hit Rosewood, much to Hanna’s dismay. The evil stepsister tries to play nicey-nice at first, but bitch ain’t fooling anybody. She needs to embrace her role as the hardcore villainess with no redeeming qualities. The sooner she drops this whole goody-two-shoes act, the better.

My wish list for Kate’s character:

1. Hook up with Sean and take away his virginity.
2. Hook up with Lucas and take away his virginity.
3. Hook up with Caleb and steal him away from Hanna while cackling evilly in her face.

Girl, I have high hopes for you! Don’t let me down!

We get some bizarre backstory where Spencer has photographs of Kate looking uggos with bug bites everywhere, and she threatens to leak these SCANDALOUS pictures unless Kate starts treating Hanna with some civility. What a fucking shitty storyline (like ‘online gambling debt storyline’ level of shittiness), but I guess this is the writers’ attempt to change up the power dynamic between the two stepsisters. *whatever*

YAY GIRL ON GIRL ACTION!!! I’m just gonna shut up and let you enjoy these hot lesbians making out, because nobody is really reading the text here when you could be looking at the screenshots on the left.

In Maya’s case, those big clunky rings might get in her way as she’s scratching Emily’s cooter!

GET IN THERE EMILY!!! WOOOOO~~~

A new day, and a new godawful outfit from Aria’s wardrobe. I’m not even sure what the hell she’s wearing in this scene. It could best described as an ugly sweater honcho that even your relatives would feel embarrassed giving to you for Christmas. I do love the juxtaposition that both Emily and Hanna appear very sophisticated in their glam dresses, while Aria looks like some homely exchange student with a stupid bow in her hair. *lol*

Speaking of Pretty Little Liars fashion, I am pleased to announce the return of Spencer’s hat collection. Some people have argued that Season 2 of the show just isn’t as good as before – and yes I agree, because Spencer’s amazing hats are the missing variables in the equation. Her head had been disappointingly bare throughout the sophomore season, but not anymore!!!

However, I’m not sure how I feel about Spencer wearing her ex-boyfriend’s undershirt after their break-up. I’m all for taking clothes away from Toby’s abs, but this kinda verges a bit on the bunny boilerish type of behaviour.

We got some great jabs at Noel Khan in this episode, now that it has been established he’s a notorious playboy around campus.

Emily: Ew. I was never his number one fan, but I can’t even look at him now that he’s with Jenna.
Aria: He’s going through girls in this school like they’re Kleenex.
Spencer: Who cares that he’s a player? He is A’s new eyes!

(OMG not this misdirection shit again. We’ve had more discussion and plot development over Noel’s eyes than we ever did about Lucas’ online gambling debt storyline.)

Noel was also caught conversing with Maya of all people, and he even puts his digits into her cell phone. It’s always a bit off-putting to see the minor characters forge unexpected relationships with each other. I’m not sure what to think about Noel and Maya together, although it’d be hilariously awful if he stole her away from Emily, especially if it leads to great exchanges like these:

Maya: Noel is really sweet!
Emily: No, he’s not. But his smile takes up half his face, so I see why you can be confused.

Mama Fields makes a cameo appearance after abandoning her daughter earlier in the season. She agrees to have dinner with Emily and her gf Maya, although the meal was a bit… uncomfortable.

Maya: So Pam, how’s it hangin’ bitch? Bust any teenagers for drugs lately? Or are you still too busy crying over your gay daughter?
Emily: *quickly changes topics* Maya plays in the jazz band!
Pam: Oh, I love jazz!
Maya: Me too! Especially when I’m getting super stoned while having sexual relations with multiple romantic partners. Now excuse me while I casually mention that I have a stalker ex-boyfriend.

Was Maya *high* during the dinner? It could have explained her lack of manners and highly inappropriate behaviour in front of her girlfriend’s parent. She clearly didn’t give a damn about leaving a good impression, but would it kill her to put in some effort? Or at least stop acting like a cheeky rude bitch?

Emily: You completely torpedoed dinner! You kept making jokes about weed!
Maya: I made *ONE* joke!

I love how Maya thinks one marijuana joke is the maximum threshold for a dinner with your girlfriend’s mother, whom you already know is notoriously uptight and doesn’t like you very much. Ever thought about making ZERO weed jokes?

Emily also brings up her issues with Maya dating a guy (omg she likes dudes and dudettes! HOW CONFUSING!!!) But in the end, like most of the romantic conflict on this show, everything gets resolved when the two lovebirds start making out with each other.

Emily and Maya eventually drop the L-word to each other, but not before Maya drops a couple of terribly cheesy puns such as “The way I feel about you is CRYSTAL CLEAR!” (Cut to a shot of a crystal ball) and “If the sharks won’t let you back in the water, I’ll bring the water to you! (Why is she mentioning sharks all of a sudden!? WTF is she even talking about!?)

When Hanna finds out that her bf is still hacking shit, she gets really pissed off at first, but eventually dissolves into a puddle of tears. I’m happy to report that no household appliances were injured during her emotional breakdown. *phew*

Hanna confesses to Caleb about her mom’s bank heist, which she is currently being blackmailed for, and she almost spills the beans about A. Oh Hanna… the more shit you tell Caleb, the more likely that something awful will happen to his character in the future. Don’t you know how Pretty Little Liars work?

Caleb believes Jenna is the person blackmailing and tormenting his gf. I guess his brilliant plan is to show up at her doorstep in the middle of the night so he can ask Jenna to stop being such a bully. Anyone get the sense that Caleb is in way over his head here? Bitch clearly doesn’t know who he’s messing with if he thinks a simple house visit will stop Hanna’s troubles!

Officer Garrett abuses his police authority yet again, and he almost arrests Caleb just for knocking on Jenna’s door. He even threatens to hit Caleb with his cruiser! *lolwtf* How does this corrupt cop still have a job???

Sadly, I admit to enjoying Garrett’s character more ever since he started to behave like a psycho. This guy is so fucking weird.

You know what else is weird? Seeing Aria go on a normal date with an ordinary boy around her age. She ends up hanging out with Holden at the arcade when both of their plans fell through. It was refreshing to see Aria have some fun instead of worrying about her illicit teacher-student affair. We also discover that she’s some kind of PUCKING EXPERT on the air hockey table, who knew?

Wooo, gurl is letting her hair down! Look at Aria shaking her thangs!

Dare I say this is the most natural that we’ve seen of Aria with a guy? She actually has some fun playful banter with Holden, which never happens in her scenes with Ezra. And she just seems so ~*relaxed*~ for a change.

So, Holden lifts up his shirt and my first thought is HELLO HAPPY TRAIL!!! Is it bad that I noticed this detail first before I even saw there was a ginormous bruise on his body? And then my next thought is “Goddamn, Mike Montgomery sure likes to hurt ’em~~~”

Aria is like “WAT IS DAT???” because she gets excited every time a guy lifts up his shirt. And Holden is like “I dunno, Aria, why don’t you ask your brother and have him explain his kinky S&M tendencies to all of us!?”

BTW, if Holden’s secret is that he’s in some kind of Rosewood Fight Club, I would laugh my ass off. That’s just hilariously bad writing, even for this show.

Meanwhile, Ezra is offered a prestigious teaching position, but he needs to be shipped off to another state (aka. which means it’s not happening). It turns out that Papa Montgomery pulled a few strings and got him this job offer, because ROMANCING UNDERAGE TEENAGER = PROMOTION FOR YOU, MISTER!

FLASHBACK TIME: Hanna reveals that she has seen Alison in a dark haired wig before. Back then, she was pretending to be her Vivian Darkbloom alter-ego as well. Not really sure who Ali is trying to fool with that awful disguise. Surely she could buy a better wig for herself that isn’t askew and doesn’t cover up half her face?

Alison: Here’s the thing, I’m pretending to be someone else, so play along. *wink*
Hanna: Okay…but why?
Alison: Because I’m bored. I do it a lot. You should try it some time. I mean, aren’t you just sick and tired of being you?

If Alison wanted to adopt a brand new identity, how about trying to be a nice decent human being for a change?

The pseudonym Vivian Darkbloom is actually an anagram of Vladimir Nabokov, who wrote the novel “Lolita”. What kind of self-worth must a girl have to base her entire identity upon a glorified piece of jailbait? But the origin of the name is a bit dark, kind of twisted, and therefore very Alison-like.

Near the end of the episode, Hanna sends a mass mail to the entire school, containing a very SCANDALOUS photograph of Kate. And it ain’t a picture of her stepsister covered in bug bites…

Nice thumbnail. *teeheehee*

There’s a nekkid picture of Kate taken in the locker room, and now in hot circulation across the school campus. Not to condone illegal voyeuristic shit or whatever, but there could be a lot worse when it comes to leaked pictures of your nudie bits. I mean, her hair looks flawless and her body is slamming. Unless there’s some ugly growth sprout on her armpit or right boob, I’d say this is a pretty flattering photograph of Kate, all things considered.

Whenever these scandalous photographs surface, a lot of the times they are “leaked” by the actual person themselves. In an earlier scene, we’ve seen Kate fiddling with a locker combination, so she may have access to Hanna’s phone. Besides, this bitch has a track record of indulging in overcomplicated and underhanded schemes. Leaking a nude picture of herself to get back at her stepsister is TOTALLY in her repertoire.

Nonetheless, the whole school thinks Hanna leaked the photo, and even her closest friends are like “HDU!? THIS IS A NEW LOW!” Emily acts morally indignant about the whole scandal, but you know she’s secretly saving the picture to herself and possibly forwarding a copy to Maya as well.

Even Noel congratulates Hanna on one-upping him in the douchebaggery stakes. (And Emily is right… that shit-eating grin does occupy at least half his face.)

Hanna is all like “DURRR~ WHY WOULD I LEAK A NUDE PIX THAT GIVES KATE ANY MORE ATTENTION & POPULARITY THAN SHE DESERVES!?”

If Hanna did leak the picture, I bet she would have drawn graffiti all over Kate’s body and added a bitchier caption to the photograph.

We end the episode with A stealing a handgun from Papa Hastings’ desk. Which ~*hopefully*~ means someone’s gonna die, die, die!

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24 Responses

  1. Default avatar Lisa February 1st, 2012 / Wednesday

    The Sharks are the swim team at Rosewood High. That might explain Maya's weird sentences a bit better o.O

    Thought #2: I still hate Aria.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      Oooh, I haven't paid attention to what the swim team was called before~ But it makes sense! Now I can understand Maya's terrible pun like it was intended. ^_^

      I actually love AND hate Aria simultaneously. Is that weird?

  2. Default avatar Anonymous February 2nd, 2012 / Thursday

    I also thought Fitz and Aria were going to wreck when they were making out driving or maybe I was just hoping they were . Hoping that A shoots Aria or Fitz or both but we all know that won't happen :(

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      Ugh, tell me about it. I'm pretty sure I can fill out an entire recap just writing about all the different kinds of death I wish upon Aria and Ezra. Their reckless driving especially infuriated me. >:(

  3. Default avatar Charlotte February 2nd, 2012 / Thursday

    Ay yay yay.
    Aria and Ezra? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
    Please either have them get caught and have Fitz' behind tossed in the slammer, or have Aria grow up and be like 'O WAIT. WE R SOOO BORING. IMA DATE JASON DILAURENTIS/OTHER BRUNETTE GUY'.

    I must say, I did like Aria and Holden's scene playing air hockey. It was kinda fun to watch her act normal. And not to see the o_o face for a while.

    Your recaps make me lulz so much.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      TY Charlotte!

      My wish list for Ezra goes something like this:
      1.) Death
      2.) Jail time
      3.) Dumped by Aria for another guy
      4.) Disappear into the hole of unexplained absences like the rest of the forgotten love interests

  4. Default avatar Anonymous February 2nd, 2012 / Thursday

    I totally liked Jason because it brought out Aria's personality other than angsty teen. Holden 10x. Actually having fun!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      Aria usually just alternates between two personas – “angsy teen” and “dumb girl with bad jugment” – so I was really surprised to see her have fun like a regular teenager for a change! I can't wait for Jason's hot ass to be back on the show next episode~

  5. Default avatar Anonymous February 3rd, 2012 / Friday

    Ugh, why Hanna again? Why not Aria? Why is it never Aria???

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      I feel ya, bruh. :(
      Any hardships Aria experiences is wholly self-inflicted. If she's ever tormented by A, I'd imagine she would immediately buckle down and lapse into a mental breakdown.

  6. Default avatar Theo February 3rd, 2012 / Friday

    So nice seing Aria around a boy her age. I actually liked her this episode. I can't stand watching Hanna *suffer*. I also want Ezra to die, die, die. And PLL needs Toby and Jason. I need abs, come on…

    On a sidenote, I'd love to see Aria and Mike fighting for Holden.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      I know, Hanna is at her best when she's being bitchy or slightly ditzy, but lately all her scenes are like “OH WOE IS ME!!!” I wanna see her kick some fierce ass again.

      Jason has been absent from the show for so long that the only thing I remember about him is his abs, so PLL better deliver in that department.

      I would like to see Aria and Mike in a catfight too, but she'd back off if she knows what's best for her, 'cause nobody will win against Mike Montgomery for a man~

  7. Default avatar Leo February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

    Urgh, I'm late! But another hilarious recap.
    I'm a hardcore Ezria shipper but seeing you attacking them is kinda hilarious to me lol.
    Urgh, I hate Kate really. I think it's so obvious that she leaked her nude picture herself. I mean if “A” did it, it usually comes with a text message or a note.

    Side thought : I lol-led seeing Spencer wearing fancy hats again! You just mentioned the lack of them in one of your recaps and they're back!! So mysterious!! :D

    Side thought#2: WHERE THE HELL IS MIKE?

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      I'm so glad that I haven't scared away all the Ezria fans yet. I bash them pretty hard in every single recap, so I thought they'd either shun me or bitch me out by now. TY for sticking around. :3

      Kate is such a blowhard. Leaking your own nudie pix reeks very much of Paris Hilton/Kardashian desperation. Classless much?

      And Spencer's hats never cease to amaze.

  8. Default avatar Anonymous February 5th, 2012 / Sunday

    I have watched that gif of Aria dancing at least ten times, and I still can't stop laughing. Hilarious recap as always :)

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 9th, 2012 / Thursday

      Thank you! I totally laughed too. Aria never ceases to amuse~~~

  9. Default avatar Anonymous February 6th, 2012 / Monday

    why so you all hate aria she has done nothing wrong

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 9th, 2012 / Thursday

      What gave you the impression that we don't like Aria? (Besides the constant mockery and frequent death threats) O_O

  10. Default avatar Avery February 6th, 2012 / Monday

    Hehe, I love Ezria but I was yelling at the tv “You stupid idiot! You're gonna die!” When they were kissing in the middle of the road -_-. Then I thought “Can't wait to see what is written about this on recapeverything”. Ha! Love these recaps!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 9th, 2012 / Thursday

      Thanks! It's just that Ezria is such a ridiculous couple in every possible way. They're ripe with comedic material and I can't help but make fun of them. *lol*

  11. Default avatar Anonymous February 13th, 2012 / Monday

    “Totally saving it to my faves”: ah ah ah!!

    Y.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 17th, 2012 / Friday

      Starred, printed, and framed! ;)

    • Default avatar Anonymous February 27th, 2012 / Monday

      An confirmed in the following episode when Aria asked Em if she still had the picture in her mobile phone!! :o

      Y.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 27th, 2012 / Monday

      Emily: Oh, I don't know if I still have that picture on my phone…
      *but finds it 5 seconds later anyway*

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