Season 2 Episode 15, Pretty Little Liars Recap, A Hot Piece of A

Lucas behaves like a total weirdo; Garrett attempts to um…’act’; and Emily got glass in her hair!

We begin the episode immediately after the failed confrontation with A. Our pretty little liars have A’s cell phone, which is locked under password protection. And then, the phone starts to ring… (it’s probably A’s momma, warning about curfew~)

Instead of answering the phone, the girls decide to play a game of pass the hot potato. Spencer is like “OMFG YOU GUISE ANSWER IT~”, while Aria does nothing except to gawk at the phone with her *ARIA EYES O_O*. Then Emily randomly blurts out “WHY ME!? I GOT GLASS IN MY HAIR!!!” as if it’s some kind of irrefutable defence in a court of law. And Hanna is like *facepalm* but she doesn’t end the call either!

Emily accuses her friends for being tardy to the party. The other girls all respond with a barrage of excuses.

Aria: I’m grounded for lyfe! D:
Spencer: My ex-boyfriend won’t stop stalking me! D:
Hanna: Kate is moving to Rosewood. Yeah, my dad and Isabel got married, and now they’re looking for a house here in Rosewood. So now I have more than one monster in my life, okay? I win! D:

Emily: NO YOU DON’T! I WAS ALMOST KILLED!!! THESE ARE NOT HIGHLIGHTS, HANNA! THIS IS GLASS IN MY HAIR!

*lmao*

If we are keeping scores, I think Emily had it way worse than the other girls throughout the season. Sorry Hanna, but you don’t get to complain about how much urlifesux until your list of murder attempts include drowning in a pool (lol Paige), carbon monoxide poisoning, and nearly getting your head sliced off with a garden rake!

My favourite part about this episode is Emily’s deflection technique, because she jumps to her default response every time somebody provokes her.

“Emily, are you injured???”
“I GOT GLASS IN MY HAIR. WHAT DO YOU THINK!?”
“Emily, did you see what happened???”
“I GOT GLASS IN MY HAIR. THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED!”
“Emily, what are you talking about???”
“I GOT GLASS IN MY HAIR. YOUR QUESTION IS INVALID.”

See, it never ceases to be funny~~~

Phone hack0r Caleb comes to the rescue! The girls enlist his help in order to retrieve any personal information from A’s cell phone. I don’t even know why these bitches are pretending to look at the computer screen, as if they have any comprehension of how technology works.

Spencer: *pointy finger* What’s that number?
Caleb: Spencer…that’s the current date and time. -_-”
Aria: And why is there a folder on your desktop labelled ‘XXXHannaWet’?
Caleb: Look, I don’t ask about your shit, you don’t ask about mine!

Hanna is reluctant to get Caleb involved in the phone hacking, because this show has a tendency to kill off any characters who ~*know too much*~ plot information. And bad things happen to people who come too close to discovering A’s identity (see: Dr. Sullivan, also Emily vs. Garden Tool last episode). As the only liar in a steady relationship right now, she would like to keep her love interest alive for as long as possible.

It only took two seasons for Papa Montgomery to notice his teenage daughter has a ridic wardrobe, none of which is appropriate for high school attire. He tells Aria to put on an outfit that doesn’t have her butt hanging out of her skirt.

Aria: Since when did I have a dress code, dad?
Byron: Uh, since we became aware of who you might be dressing for, so change your clothes. (lol that’s pretty bitchy)

Byron: BTW it might be nice if your clothes don’t have an easy access zipper from your boobs to your thighs. Please stop dressing like you’re an invitation card.
Aria: WTF DAD!? Men’s pants have zippers too, and you don’t see me gunning for every crotch around town!
Byron: O_O
Aria: O_O
Ella: NOT HELPING. PICK YOUR BATTLES. GO INTO YOUR ROOM NOW.

Can someone tell Aria that the Halloween episode was a few months ago? Because there’s no other occasion to wear that ginormous sparkly spider necklace. Not to mention that thingy almost looks like it’s sucking out life force from Aria’s body!

Being a persistent stalker pays off in the end. Spencer throws away Wren’s handkerchief and ran right back into Toby’s six pack abs (…where is Wren btw? They didn’t even bother to explain his absence with some half-assed excuse like they did with some other characters.)

It didn’t take long before Spoby are making out once again. And now we know the truck’s seating is good for both vertical and horizontal purposes!

Spencer: *heavy panting* Can I come up for some air, sir?
Toby: DID I SAY STOP!?!?!?

While Spencer and Toby were having sexytimes inside the truck, they see Garrett outside the doorstep, currently in a heated argument with Jenna. Those two are feuding ambiguously over something that had happened, and how they shouldn’t have trusted ‘this guy’ to do their ‘operation’. Their exchange may or may not be a red herring to A’s activities – you decide.

This is also the first time we’ve seen Garrett speak in anything other than a bored monotone, and um…let’s just say the results aren’t *pretty*.

Garrett: STOP PUNISHING ME AND OPEN THE DAMN DOOR. PLEEE-EEEASE!!! NOOOO JENNA, DON’T HANG UP!!! W-W-WAIT A SECOND!!! *dramatic sigh* DAMMIT! :|

(To be fair, not even the best actor can elevate this kind of shit writing. And trust me, this guy is nowhere near classified as a best actor.)

In another scene, Garrett and Toby spend some time bitching about Jenna. Garrett doesn’t understand why she’s suddenly PMSing on him so much, and Toby is like “oh gurrrl, you should ditch the bitch while you still have some dignity left~”

Toby: You can just walk away, Garrett. I did.
Garrett: The difference is I’m in love with her. And if I have to keep proving that to her, I will.

OMG how can anyone say that with a straight face? I feel embarrassed even typing out Garrett’s lines. Some of the writing in this episode just makes me wanna… *projectile vomit*

Being constantly tormented and nearly getting killed on multiple occasions have affected Emily’s studies. This bitch actually asks her teacher to push back her make-up test because she hasn’t studied enough!

Ms. Montgomery: *sigh* How about tomorrow?
Emily: I can’t. I’ve community service for beating up my best friend.
Ms. Montgomery: How about next week?
Emily: How about never?? ^_^
Ms. Montgomery: How about a zero? ^_^

Before dismissing her delinquent student, Ella can’t resist asking: “POP QUIZ! Is my daughter hiding any other shit from me? If I’m gonna be a grandmother, I would like an advanced warning please.” Emily replies in defense of her friend: “Aria has been the same dumb bitch before and after she met Ezra, so nothing changed. You should still be proud of her.” And Ella just merely *sighs*

Speaking of Ella, she delivered a *killer line* in this episode that had me in stitches.

Ella: How did this family go from a happy Christmas card in Europe to this fractured deceitful mess? Greetings from dysfunction junction! That one can’t go to school because he’s too depressed. And this one only goes so she can date her teacher.

*roflmao*

I think that might actually rival as one of the bitchiest zingers anyone ever said on this show. Bravo, Mama Montgomery!

Meanwhile, Aria is using Hanna’s cell phone to leave behind lovey-dovey phone messages to her Ezra-poo.

Aria: omg bb i miss u soooo much *twirls hair* Like, my life is over because you aren’t in it, y’know? *fiddles with gigantic spider necklace* My parents aren’t gonna call the police so that’s a good start, right? I really think they’re coming around to us being together, so yayayay! *fingers crossed* xoxoxo ttyl luv u forever~~~

As always, Aria has read the situation with her parents completely wrong. The only reason why they haven’t called the cops so far is to protect Aria’s reputation as the school slut. In fact, Papa Montgomery actually threatened Ezra to keep his child molesting hands away from his daughter, or else the po-po are gonna gun his ass down!

It doesn’t help that Byron noticed the unmade bed in Ezra’s apartment. There’s only one reason why any bachelor would keep two pillows on his bed, and it ain’t because he got them from a buy-one-get-one-free sale!

This episode’s unintentionally funniest exchange occurred when Hanna drops by Ezra’s office to express her condolences.

Hanna: Look, I know what’s going down with Aria’s parents. And I just want to say the rest of us don’t feel the same way. Two people who love each other that much should be together.

*cue thousand Ezria fans weeping as they clutch their pearls*

Ezra has an absolutely mortified expression on his face afterwards, as if he’s thinking “OMG. I’m taking love advice from a ~*TEENAGE GIRL*~. Who probably writes fanfiction and thinks true love comes in the form of a glittering vampire. This is rock bottom, Ezra Fitz. You’ve hit a new low in your life.”

“BITCH IT’S OVER~~~~~”

Dumping your jailbait girlfriend over the telephone. Classy.

And Aria is like *sob* *sob* *sob* LEMME GO PUT ON MORE YELLOW NAIL POLISH TO EXPRESS MY AGONY.

I’m not even gonna get worked up over yet another Ezria break-up, because you just know the show will find some ridiculous way for them to be together again. Ugh.

Byron and Ella cope with Aria’s indiscretions by pairing her up with the first age-appropriate boyfriend they could find. Introducing Holden, a childhood friend around the neighbourhood!

Byron: Remember him, Aria? He taught you how to ride a bike! Maybe Holden can show you how to mount something else, eh eh eh?
Ella: Who needs training wheels when you have condoms, ohohohoho!?

And Aria is like “Um yeah, you’re about ten years too young for me, kiddo. But I’ll pretend to like you anyway even though I’ll obviously hook up with Ezra behind my parents’ backs. Nice to meet you, my new placeholder boyfriend!”

Any guesses to how long until Holden gets the Danielle treatment on the show? Will this basic bitch even last two episodes of a storyline arc? Sean, Ben, Alex and other long forgotten love interests soon await him.

After school, Spencer asks Emily if she’d like to snoop around Jason’s house to remind the viewers that he still exists. But Emily has community service, Aria is grounded for lyfe, and Hanna is pissed off that her boyfriend has gotten involved.

Spencer: Hanna spent all of chem class drawing pictures of me in a pointy hat and a wart on my nose! (I WANNA SEE THESE PICTURES)
Emily: She’ll get over it. Offer her your lake house. She needs some serious face time with Caleb.
Spencer: My lake house?
Emily: Yeah, they already made some memories on that couch and in the living room. ;)

Except Spencer didn’t know about Hanna’s extracurricular activities on her family property. *lol

Emily: She…she didn’t tell you? *nervous* kbai~

Caleb voices his concerns that Hanna has been keeping secrets from him (regarding A). So, she decides the best way to reassure her boyfriend is to throw him a SECRET SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY!!! Because more sekrits is exactly what they need in their relationship right now!

Hanna and Lucas are studying for a history test. When I say studying, the scene consisted of Lucas writing his notes on cue cards, while Hanna gushes about how she’s gonna violate Caleb in Spencer’s lake house… with room service… and a whole box of condoms.

She also asks Lucas to help her organize the secret birthday party at the lake house. He’s reluctant to follow the plan, going like “Pfft, didn’t you want the last episode? I have an ONLINE GAMBLING ADDICTION STORYLINE coming up. I ain’t got no benjamins to spare for a party, fool!”

Nonetheless, she eventually coerces Lucas into helping, because hot girls tend to have a lot of persuasion power over dorky guys who are secretly pining for them.

Hanna: Of course I need you. You’re his best friend! (It’s quite sad for anyone to have Lucas as a best friend, no?) You’re roomies! You’re like Patrick and Spongebob! (Which one is which!?)

As part of their community service, Emily and Spencer are working at a suicide hotline, aka. listening to other people’s personal lives and gossiping about them afterwards.

Is anyone bothered that these TEENAGERS are handling the crisis phone lines??? Can they pick anyone less qualified to do the job? Imagine if you’re on the verge of death, only to hear Spencer cackling on the other end of the phone. Yikes. O_O

During their gig, Spencer and Emily discover that Lucas called into the hotline. It almost sounded like he was working under A’s command, and now he feels guilty about his misdeeds, but knowing this show it’s probably some *red herring* to throw us off the scent.

Despite her friends’ concerns, Hanna refuses to listen to their sound logic. She’s like FALALALA~ LUCAS IS MY BACK-UP LOVE INTEREST. I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE HIM AS A POSSIBLE A SUSPECT.

While Hanna freaks out over the party preparations, Mona asks if she really ordered twelve pizzas all with green peppers on them, because Noel happens to be ~*allergic*~ (you might think this is unimportant information, but I’m hoping it’s his Achilles heel in the future). Hanna denies placing the order though, and this mix-up never gets resolved…

OKAY WTF PRETTY LITTLE LIARS??? It’s bad enough that you leave a gazillion loose ends everywhere, but now even the pizza delivery has to be a fucking unsolved mystery too!?

Spencer pulls out her best Nancy Drew, compares photographs hacked from the cell phone, and discovers that A had actually visited her lake house before! The mystery continues to thicken…

Out of nowhere, Lucas pops up and goes HI I’M A GIANT CREEP WHO COMES TO PEOPLE’S ATTICS UNANNOUNCED. CUE THE SCARY BACKGROUND MUSIC PLEASE.

That nosy bitch Emily listens in to Lucas’ latest call at the crisis hotline. She probably misinterpreted his cry for help as a veiled threat to hurt Hanna instead (and that’s why you don’t let unqualified teenagers work at these hotlines!)

His exact words are: “I’ve made a decision and I’m not waiting. I have to take care of this tonight. But I just keep seeing her face, and how hard it’s gonna be to lose her. Forever.”

And all Emily could hear is: “IMMA KILL THIS BITCH TONITE. BYE BYE HANNA FOREVER.”

Instead of keeping a close eye on Lucas, whom Emily suspects might be a danger to her friend, she decides to just *wander away* after their cryptic conversation at the party. Yep, it’s like she knows Hanna is at risk, but Lucas is such a weirdo that Emily can’t even stand being around him for too long. His loser stench is simply that strong! -_-”

What he’s thinking: This is it, Lucas. You’ve seen it happen in a dozen of the romcoms you watched by yourself. You have the girl of your dreams sitting across from you, all alone, on a boat, under this beautiful moonlit night. This is perfect. Could there be a more romantic location for your profound love confession? You go, stud!

What she’s thinking: Oh my god, why didn’t I bring my rape whistle with me!?

Hanna didn’t suspect anything wrong with her friend Lucas, but then he started acting all creepy and antsy around her. His nervous energy is making her feel nervous as well. It doesn’t help that they’re both alone in the middle of the night, while secluded on a faraway boat…

Well, at least they used to be on a boat together until Hanna’s defense mechanism kicked in! He couldn’t even finish his sentence: “Hanna, I need to tell you I’m an online gambling addic-” and SHE WHACKED HER OAR INTO LUCAS AND KNOCKED HIM OFF THE FUCKING BOAT!!!

*lmao*

But oh my god, poor Lucas. I don’t know whether to laugh at him or feel sorry for him. Maybe a little bit of both.

Hanna manages to swim back to shore, much to her friends’ relief. However, Lucas is nowhere to be seen. I doubt he’s dead or anything, even though Hanna did spank him pretty hard with the oar!

Heyo, Noel’s exposed nipples come out to play! Oh, and I guess Mona was there as well. Apparently, our favourite power couple just happened to go for a convenient dip in the lake, which may or may not be a red herring to any suspicious foul play – you decide.

When Caleb finally arrives at his own party, he’s like “WTF is going on? O_o” And Hanna is like “Happy birthday! Your present is that I’m still barely alive!”

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9 Responses

  1. Default avatar Anonymous January 14th, 2012 / Saturday

    The only way Ezra can get interesting is if he's A and completely messed up in the head.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      Ezra = A would be epic, and I would totally overlook any gaping logic or plot holes if he turns out to be it. That's way too delicious of a twist though and I highly doubt they'll go there. :-(

  2. Default avatar Alex January 15th, 2012 / Sunday

    I am hoping that Ezra turns out to be involved in the A drama and is a crazy schizo, but I feel like it's not gonna happen :(

    Also, can I just point out that A's phone is a Droid? Those phones aren't even reliable enough to send a text message normally. I find it hard to believe that someone is using it to cyberstalk and stay anonymous and whatnot.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      IKR? They make it seem like A sends those text message instantly and simultaneously, but in reality those text messages would not have been delivered until ~HOURS~ later.

  3. Default avatar Leo January 17th, 2012 / Tuesday

    Ms. Montgomery: *sigh* How about tomorrow?
    Emily: I can't. I've community service for beating up my best friend.
    Ms. Montgomery: How about next week?
    Emily: How about never?? ^_^
    Ms. Montgomery: How about a zero? ^_^

    LMAO moment.
    And lol at “Mike's future boyfriend” winning in the poll.
    Love this site!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      Thanks! ^_^

      The pollsters are after my own heart. Hopefully, Mike being gay will come true if I mention it enough times in my recaps. :3

  4. Default avatar Sam February 20th, 2012 / Monday

    Let's not forget the fact that champion swimmer Emily just stood around waiting for Hanna to pop back up. *ouhh kantz get hairs wet sorry*

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 20th, 2012 / Monday

      Heh heh heh. And I bet I know what Emily's excuse is for not rescuing her friend from death.
      “I GOT GLASS IN MY HAIR!!!”

  5. Default avatar Precious December 1st, 2012 / Saturday

    LOL omg your site is sooooooooooo amazing & all your recaps are so fucking hilarious !!!!!

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