Season 2 Episode 14, Pretty Little Liars Recap, Through Many Dangers, Toils and Snares

Emily confronts A face to face; prepare for a nuclear meltdown at the Montgomery household!

Oh Aria. Orange is totally not your colour, honey.

Welcome to a brand new year of Pretty Little Liars! We return to the show one month later, and the girls are all rocking the latest fashion in prison jumpsuits. They’re totally building up their street cred, yo. Except poor Aria, who can’t pull off that thuggish look no matter how hard she tries. She looks about as menacing as a little girl dressed in an oversized pair of orange pyjamas.

The girls were sentenced to some hours of community service for tampering with crime evidence, though the police weren’t able to nail any charges against them regarding Ali’s murder.

Emily doing community service (not even juvie, mind you) has totally put the butch in her lesbian. She actually starts giving Spencer some MAJOR ‘TUDE for not negotiating a deal with A, especially with the brand new, top secret, super deadly ~*evidence*~ that they’ve found off-camera!

Emily usually seems like a wet blanket most of the time, but when homegirl brings on the sass, she is FUCKING FEROCIOUS. She does not hold back telling Spencer exactly how she feels.

Spencer: Listen to me, we aren’t going to be making any deal with A! It’s final!
Emily: Maybe for you, but the rest of us don’t have lawyers for parents!
Spencer: *SPENCER RAGE* MEANING WHAT!?
Emily: Meaning your mom may have gotten us a deal, but if they ever figured out a way to charge us for killing Ali, she’ll throw the rest of us under the bus to save you. And you’d let her!

*OMFG* Point, set, match to Emily Fields!!!

Spencer is all out of witty retorts, but who needs them when she can just throw a big steaming bag of garbage at Emily!? IT’S A JAIL FIGHT!!!

High school hallways. Juvenile detention centres. I’d hate to see the full list of Officer Garrett’s favourite cruising spots for jailbait. At least we now know what the creeper likes to do in his spare time, which includes watching underage girls fight each other like it’s a sport.

Aria: So, do you like this guy?
Mike: He’s okay. I mean he’s really old, but he’s not a jerk.

Aww, look at Aria and Mike discussing boys! ^_^ Mike should try to find a more age-appropriate boyfriend though, but I don’t think his sister is well-versed in that area either.

Mike: He doesn’t make those lists and notes like my first therapist.

Lists and notes for different sexual positions in bed? Kinky~~~

The siblings have an ~awkward~ encounter with Mr. Fitz on the street. If you might recall, Mama Montgomery last warned Ezra to stop being such a pedobear, and he kept his distance ever since. This is the first time they’ve met each other since the break-up, and the awkwardness is compounded since they’ve to skirt around this fact with Mike.

The former couple has a heavily stilted conversation that is laced with code. Aria talks about returning one of his ‘books’ (it’s probably a pair of his underwear) and that she enjoyed ‘reading’ it (sniffing it, more like) and she really liked the ‘essays’ (aka. the sexual fantasies).

We all know Aria has no poker face at all. Look at her practically salivating and foaming at the mouth because she bumped into her pookie bear. You can literally see her thinking: I NEED MY EZRA FIX. I NEED IT SO BAD.

Aria’s notion of keeping their relationship discrete is basically telling her brother to GTFO so she can have a *private* conversation with her high school teacher. The chat consisted of them gushing about how much they missed each other, and then moaning about how they can’t be together. Ugh, you know the usual routine by now.

Garrett and Jenna are officially an out and proud couple. Spencer calls them out on how ~*convenient*~ it is that they’d go public after the girls get arrested, which leads to the unintentionally funniest line in this episode.

Garrett: You keep saying things to me like they’re supposed to mean something.

*lmao* That pretty much describes every single conversation he had with Jenna in the past dozen of episodes, not to mention half the dialogue in this godforsaken show.

Emily has trouble getting back on the swim team after her misdemeanour charges. The snooty swim coach is like JOINING OUR SCHOOL’S SWIM TEAM IS A PRIVILEGE, NOT A RIGHT as if she’s coaching the Olympic team or something. Bitch, you teach in a fucking high school. The only type of prestige you have is occasionally getting a few good swimmers like Emily by pure luck.

The photos of Hanna in her jumpsuit have surfaced on the Internet, so she turns to the computer geek Lucas to help her ERASE THE INTERNETZ. When he opens his laptop, Hanna gets a quick glimpse of his previous browser history. It’s always very awkward when another person discovers you were looking at an embarrassing website in your own privacy (like if someone catches you surfing this blog, for example).

SPOILER ALERT: Lucas was looking at some kind of sports betting website, so I’m *guessing* he has some online gambling addiction storyline in the near future?

Now that Caleb is out of the picture, Lucas is like LOVE INTEREST PROMOTION, BITCHES! He starts flirting with Hanna in that awkward dorky nerdspeak that’s kinda endearing, I guess.

(Hey, remember that Danielle girl earlier in the season? NO ONE DOES.)

The tension between Emily and Spencer has only escalated since the last time they threw garbage bags at each other. In fact, it seems like Aria and Hanna are hatin’ on Em as well. The rift in their friendship is a surprising change, but the girls have some kind of beef with Emily due to an unexplained reason or incident that happened off-camera…

A’s message reads “You were always my favorite. Want to make a deal?”

By the logic of ‘my enemy’s enemy is my friend’, A decides to team up with poor ostracized Emily, especially since our favourite blackmailer is a bit concerned about the brand new, top secret, super deadly ~*evidence*~ that the girls uncovered!

Emily goes to the blackboard and starts circling the word YES in a very conspicuous manner. At first, I thought she was responding to A’s bargain deal. But looking back, I think she was trying to convey the most obvious & most subtle message to the other three pretty little liars…

Yep, the jig is up. Their feud was completely fabricated in order to trick A to believe Emily had defected from the group, which led to this rogue deal.

How refreshing is it to see the girls act intelligently for a change!? They’re actually fighting back! I was pleasantly surprised to watch them outsmart their tormenter for once, so gj Spencer and Emily! (You totally know Aria and Hanna weren’t bright enough to come up with this plan lol)

A month later, Toby is still pining over his ex like a lost puppy dog. He’s especially concerned since he believes his two favourite people in the world are feuding with each other. I think Spencer was trying her best to let him down gently, but what is a nice way to tell your ex-boyfriend that you already macked on another guy merely hours after dumping him?

Now that Garrett and Jenna are a public couple, we’re told that he is seen going everywhere with her, though it’s kinda funny watching Pretty Little Liars try to explain Jenna’s absence throughout the episode with a variety of excuses. Oh, she’s sick from school today! Oh, she’s at the restroom! Oh, she’s at the doctor’s because of her irregular heartbeat (wait, that’s Melissa’s excuse). You’ll never see her, but we swear she’s absolutely here!

Garrett also seemed to have the munchies because he’s always snacking on some candy in this episode. I guess they’re trying to develop that as his endearing quirk, much like Ian with his milk last season.

Toby: He follows her around like a trained puppy.

Is Toby talking about Garrett or himself? That comment is a bit rich coming from the same guy who keeps stalking his ex after they broke up a month ago, no?

As part of their plan, Emily and Spencer stage this fake feud so they can argue about this brand new, top secret, super deadly ~*evidence*~ that doesn’t exist. They hold the public argument at a school event, right in front of all the prospective love interests and potential A suspects.

Even though I know the fight wasn’t real, there was so much tension between the girls that I was still like “OMG everyone, hide the garbage bags! O_O”

The fight was just a ploy to get A to believe that Emily is getting bitched out by the other girls…and it worked!

A’s message reads “See you tonight, BFF!”

Guess who’s back!? Caleb makes a surprise appearance halfway into the episode, and then he immediately starts making out with Hanna like fucking bunnies! These two were playing tonsil hockey so hard, I’m pretty sure they’ve memorized each other’s taste buds by now!

AWKWARD~~~

Hanna and Caleb are pretty much one second away from banging each other right in front of Lucas. The poor guy is once again cast as the underdog in a love triangle. Dude just can’t catch a break, can he?

Lucas is betting (ZOMG FUTURE GAMBLING ADDICTION STORYLINE FORESHADOWING) that Caleb’s appearance is only temporary before he goes back to his birth mother or whatever crap excuse they used to write him off the show earlier. Unfortunately for him, it seems like Caleb and his groovy new hairstyle is here to stay in Rosewood, at least for the rest of this season!

Caleb also reminds his friend that he wouldn’t even be with Hanna right now if it wasn’t for Lucas’ matchmaking in the season premiere. But Lucas is secretly thinking “But that was after they demoted me to a tertiary character and tried to pair me off with some basic bitch of zero relevance! It doesn’t count!”

Aria drops by Ezra’s office to return his book with an accompanying love message. If it was anyone else, that note would probably be some scandalous ditty like “Meet me in the back alley at 11PM so we can fuck for the last time.” But knowing Aria, she probably wrote some tedious lovey-dovey babble about how much Ezra-poo means to her and how their forbidden romance feels so wrong yet so right! -_-”

It’s a battle of the exes as Jackie and Aria square off at the college. By squaring off, I meant Jackie is like “Y U FAIL AT LIFE SO MUCH?”, while Aria just does that stupid O_O expression and flails her arms helplessly. A battle of the scorned exes would normally be epic, but then we’re reminded that they’re fighting over Ezra of all people. Really, girls? You’re gonna fight over this guy with the fake six-pack?

How many of you were *rolling your eyes* when Ezra was like “omg Aria-poo we’re gonna have to tell ur parents about us!” because we thought they wouldn’t go through with it? Oh yeah, we went through this song and dance a gazillion times in the past. I bet on Lucas’ future storyline that they won’t tell-

“I AM IN LOVE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER!!!”

Holy mackarel!!! Ezra actually went ahead with the confession this time! He stood in the Montgomery living room, told the parents that he’s fiddling with Aria, and then embraced for colossal damage.

*lmao* Now we know where Aria gets her facial expressions from, because Papa Montgomery’s face is frozen in this perpetual :O expression for an eternity of time.

My favourite part about the confrontation is when Ella made this hilarious wailing sound (“ARIA NOOOOOO~~~”) like she’s a whale. *lol*

We can see that Ezra and Aria are totally not prepared for the fallout, because they’re barely able to fend off the heated question from the parents. Byron and Ella just hear what they wanna hear.

Ezra: This started before school!
Ella: WTF U SICK PSYCHO!? YOU STARTED SEEING ARIA BEFORE SHE HIT PUBERTY!?
Ezra: No, this started before Aria was assigned to my class!
Byron: WTF CHILDBANGING DOUCHEBAG!? YOU HOOKED UP WITH OTHER STUDENTS BEFORE ARIA!?
Ezra: No, I love Aria!
Byron: OMG HE TOTALLY HAD SEX WITH HER!!!
Ella: IN THIS LIVING ROOM!!!

Not to be outshined by his sister, Mike *punches* Ezra’s head in because he wanted to remind everyone that he used to be the most fucked up child in the Montgomery family until this episode.

After Ezra got shooed out of the premises with a stick, Byron and Ella discuss the repercussions of this revelation. Both are obviously furious, and they even threaten to destroy Ezra’s life any way it takes. Of course, Ella can’t help throwing in a passive-aggressive comment: “Aria sleeping with her teacher, hmm that sounds familiar. I wonder where our daughter learned it from~~~” And then Byron was like “MAH STUDENTS WERE ALL LEGAL” as if that makes things any better.

In his office, Ezra is lying down in this bizarre position where he places a cup of scotch over his crotch. Even as I’m typing out this sentence, it still doesn’t make sense to me. But I guess fanservice scenes aren’t supposed to make any sense.

Jackie: Ezra, you were making a terrible mistake. I had to do something to wake you up to what was happening!

lol Jackie pretending that blackmailing a teenager was her idea of helping instead of covering for her own plagiarizing ass.

Jackie: What did you expect was gonna happen!? She’s a teenager! And you were her teacher!

You guys, I think I officially love Jackie. THANK YOU for saying what so many of us have been screaming at our television screens for the past two seasons. What she said was 100% true and Ezra can continue pouting like a little bitch for all I care.

Emily is meeting up with A tonight. The other girls were supposed to provide back-up for her, but they were all delayed for various real-life reasons.

Spencer is delayed because Toby shows up and proclaims SPENCER, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR BITCH PROBLEM. He accuses her of treating him and Emily horribly, not to mention her actions of late are starting to resemble Alison’s reign of terror! Spencer pretty much blows him off, going like “lol whatevs you mopey dishrag~ why don’t you go cry over our break-up some more? Now stay outta my way because I’ve got a blackmailer to catch, baby!”

Hanna is delayed because her dad made a surprise visit. The newly married Papa Marin has an important announcement to make!

Tom: Isabel and I are moving back to Rosewood for the drama lulz! And Kate will be going to Hanna’s school as payback for destroying my wedding.
Hanna: WHAT!?
Ashley: Your father is only moving back because he loves you, right?
Tom: No, it’s mostly for making Hanna’s life as miserable as possible.

Aria is delayed because she’s grounded for life due to the whole Ezra fiasco, but Mike helps his sister escape through a secret passage in his room. Aria is like “Is this how you sneak out of the house? O_O” And Mike is like “lol u amateur bitch~”

Only Emily was able to show up to the meeting on time, though she thinks all her friends are hiding in the shadows. She confronts A in person, and ultimately reveals that their brand new, top secret, super deadly ~*evidence*~ turns out to be…nothing! It was a big bluff! GOTCHYA!

Emily: I knew you’d be here. I knew I could depend on you. You listened to us. You’re always listening. You know you made a mistake, don’t you? That must be driving you crazy. You’re afraid we found something. Something in this box. Something about you. Do you want to know what we found? Do you want to see what you’re afraid of? *opens box* NOTHING. We found NOTHING. We lied to you and you believed us. That was your mistake!

(OMG Emily is so fucking fierce this episode~~~)

This is a picture of A by the way, looking as photogenic as always.

AND THEN SHIT HITS THE FUCKING ROOF!

I literally went *OMFG* when A grabs a rake in this abandoned greenhouse and tries to plough Emily’s head with it! Like, there was no hesitation at all. A was willing to murder Emily’s ass in order to keep this secret identity undisclosed.

Poor Emily expected there to be back-up, but she had to fend off the attacks all by herself. A manages to overpower Emily after an intense scuffle, and nearly delivers the finishing blow…

…and guess who’s tardy for the party!? Spencer and Aria show up just in time, as they quickly corner their tormenter in the greenhouse!

Miraculously, A was able to escape from the greenhouse unscathed, but while running away in a mad frenzy, A gets hit by a car!!!

How delicious was it that Hanna happened to be the driver who hit A with her car? Remember when A nearly tried to run her over in the first season? Payback is a bitch, baby!

Despite being outnumbered and getting hit by a motherfucking car, that lucky cat A still manages to escape capture somehow.

Aria: Was it a boy or a girl?
Hanna: Any sense of boobs!?

*lol* You just know that a majority of the viewers were probably trying to look at the same thing during that scene. WAS THERE JIGGLING OR NOT!?

The girls are obviously frustrated that all their hard work was for nought, but they soon discover that A had dropped a cell phone while running away!!! OMFG, so many possibilities! :O

Wow, was this episode intense or what!? They made some great strides in the storylines and kept me at the edge of my seat. What a fantastic way for Pretty Little Liars to start off the second half of the season! I’m so glad these bitches are back to grace our television screens again~~~

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9 Responses

  1. Default avatar Anonymous January 4th, 2012 / Wednesday

    I've missed my guilty pleasure show! They could have pointed the flashlights to his face but still, there's some progress! I'm betting that the password is some form of “LIAR” or something.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      I actually don't blame them for not using the flashlights, since they saw Emily nearly getting killed from the moment they walked in. The other girls were probably on survival mode so their judgment is a bit clouded. Emily is stoopid though for not bringing a flashlight to the meeting.

  2. Default avatar Anonymous January 4th, 2012 / Wednesday

    This was just like the best start to the possibly best season of the best guilty pleasure show ever. HOW INTENSE WAS THAT SHIT?

    Ezra getting outed? The Emily/Spence bitch fight? Mindfucking A? Caleb/Hanna and Toby/Spence? Tomboy lesbian in the opening scene? Payback is a bitch like FOREVER (lol, Hanna/Kate/Dad, Hanna/RollingOverA)?

    THIS EP HAD IT ~~ALL~~! Now that's how you start a new season!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      That episode was epic intense! I knew it was gonna be a good one as soon as Emily and Spencer launched a prison warfare against each other, but then SHIT JUST GOT REAL after Ezra was like “I am in love with your daughter!” and Emily nearly loses her head from a gardening tool. This was Pretty Little Liars at its best.

      BTW A vs. Hanna vs. Cars is the best ongoing feud on the show~~~

  3. Default avatar Anonymous January 8th, 2012 / Sunday

    Your Firefly reference just makes me love your recaps even more!! You are hilarious and please keep recapping this guilty pleasure:)

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      Thank you! It's good to know that Firefly references are forever timeless~~~

  4. Default avatar Anonymous January 12th, 2012 / Thursday

    I kinda wish Mike was really gay, so I'm just going to take his conversation with Aria the same way you did.

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      Gay Mike is pretty much canon in the world of Recap Everything. I've been of this mindset ever since we saw him ~*conversing*~ (aka. flirting) with Noel Khan on school campus, and now I can't unsee any gay context in all his scenes.

  5. Default avatar Ivory April 20th, 2014 / Sunday

    This is really cool!!!! Can’t stop reading it.

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