Season 2 Episode 10, Pretty Little Liars Recap, Touched by an “A”-ngel

Spencer discovers a connection between Ian, Jason and Garrett; Hanna’s relationship with her stepsister worsens.

The episode begins with Aria and Emily exchanging the latest gossip on Jason DiLaurentis. Aria is like, “Jason kissed me. Tongues might have been involved.” But Emily is like, “Did this happen before or after he took cweepy pictures of you sleeping?” And then both of them looked at each other with O_O expressions on their faces.

Spencer: Aria, you lack common sense like I lack shoulder pads! Jason is this season’s Very Bad Person, okay? Stop riding on his disco stick before you get hurt!

Who else was *rofl* at Spencer’s cracktastic outfit in this episode? GURL WHERE ARE YOUR SHOULDERS???

Emily opens her box of alphabet cereal only to find that all the letters have been replaced by ‘A’.

Before you question the plausibility of hijacking into a cereal box, keep in mind that we aren’t watching Pretty Little Liars for the realism or the logical plots. Don’t overthink the impossibility of A’s elaborative schemes, and just enjoy the devastating effects that they have on the girls.

A’s entire message reads: “The weakest link is the easiest to break. Snapping yet? – A”

It’s absolutely ~*amazing*~ that A is gunning after Emily with such relentless dedication. I now tune in every episode anticipating how A will fuck over Emily next!

These past few episodes have been quite demanding on Shay Mitchell’s acting abilities. She pretty much perfected a third range of emotions for her character. Introducing the ‘raised eyebrow feigned shock’ expression, not to be confused with her ‘seductive side-eye look’ or the ‘all-purpose constipated face’ expressions.

Jason gives a rehearsed explanation on why he has cweepy pictures of Aria at his home. It turns out that Alison was an amateur photographer who took these artsy pics, and now Jason is developing them as a present for Aria.

Aria: That is the most obvious BS excuse I’ve ever heard, but my judgment is clouded by your wavy golden hair, your tendency to go shirtless in basketball courts, and your uncanny resemblance to a Ken doll. I totally have the hots for you and will overlook the likelihood of you being a voyeuristic pervert.

Mama Montgomery is seeking therapy for her troublemaking, house-breaking, future serial killing, and potentially suicidal teenage son. Dr. Sullivan is like “Lady, you raised some fucked up kids! Unfortunately, I ran out of empty chairs in the office for my invisible conversation therapy, so let me refer all the crazy in your family to another doctor.”

Since Emily is on pins and needles after the latest A scare, Dr. Sullivan immediately hones in on a potential return customer for her business.

Dr. Sullivan: Hey Emily, you look like somebody who needs to talk to an empty chair! Come to my office any time, crazy pants! I’ll listen to you ramble about your mundane teenage troubles, while I count in my head all the money that your parents are paying for these private shrink sessions.

Spencer and Toby are doing normal couple-y things, such as clearing the material belongings of your dead brother-in-law! Along the way, they make an interesting discovery in Ian’s yearbooks…

Look, there’s a high school yearbook photo of Ian Thomas, which looks like it was plucked straight from Ryan Merriman’s acting portfolio during his audition for a vampire movie.

Then there’s a high school yearbook picture of Jason DiLaurentis, giving his very best model face as if he was practising for a future Abercrombie and Fitch photoshoot.

And there’s even a high school year book photo of Garrett Reynolds, who apparently wore clothing in colours other than ~*black*~ before he hooked up with Jenna.

Ian, Jason, and Garrett are all linked together through their association with a fake extracurricular activity in high school, called the N.A.T. Club.

What is the N.A.T. Club? Well, if this is a club for future pedophiles and their extracurricular activity is to prey on underage girls, then a lot of the mystery on this show will make perfect sense now…

N.A.T. stands for Nos Animadverto Totus, which roughly translates to “We See All”. With a slogan like that, I think my Rosewood Pedophile Club theory has a pretty solid argument.

By the way, I finally figured out the new direction that they’re taking Toby’s character. Being around Spencer so much must’ve rubbed off on him. His current role on the show is to mumble a snarky comment in the background whenever Spencer does something wacky.

Toby: What’s a nice way to say someone is obsessive? *huge smirk*

Rosewood High is hosting a college fair and Ezra is in attendance! What follows is one of the most cringeworthy lines in the history of the show, but I’m not sure if it was intended that way.

Ezra: Miss Montgomery, have you considered Hollis College? They have a wonderful arts program and I think you’ll find the teachers very hands-on.

I bet Mr. Fitz has an arsenal of inappropriate teacher-student double-entendres. *shudders* Does the N.A.T. club have an opening for a fourth seedy member?

A doesn’t need to interfere with Aria’s life when the bitch inflicts all the unnecessary drama upon herself. Aria blurts out that she has been having ~sexy times~ with Jason including an unexpected kiss!

Ezra: I meant it when I said I didn’t have feelings for Jackie.
Aria: OK, I meant it when I said I didn’t have feelings for Jason, but that didn’t stop me from kissing him.
Ezra: *stunned reaction*
Aria: Wait. That came out entirely wrong.

Oh Aria. Does anything right ever come out of your mouth?

Jackie steps in to remind Ezra and Aria that they’re doing a really shitty job at keeping their relationship a secret. Perhaps it’s not the best idea to hit on a high school student in front of everyone at the college fair?

Here is what Jackie says to Aria with pursed lips and dagger eyes:

Jackie: College will be a great experience for you. It really helps you grow up. You’ll look back and just realize how naive you were.

And here is what the queen of the bitchface actually means:

Jackie: Listen up, bitch. Once you reach legal age and lose your jailbait allure, there ain’t gonna be any guys sipping on yo milkshake no more. Enjoy being used by older men while you still can.

Hanna has a chance encounter with her future stepsister Kate, but the two blondes couldn’t be any more different. Kate is a fembot who aces all her exams and wears limited edition fashion accessories, while Hanna has difficulty barely keeping her shit together.

Hanna: Why aren’t you at school?
Kate: Exams. All my classes are A.P. so I took mine early. How about you?
Hanna: Uh, college fair. But I’m gonna pick out colleges the same way I pick out my clothes. From my catalogue!
Kate: *politely* That’s funny. (But I’m secretly embarrassed for you, bb)

Hanna and Mona go horseback riding at Kate’s country club. Predictably, it leads to disastrous results as Hanna makes a bigger fool out of herself. (SPOILER ALERT: That horse is one of A’s accomplices.)

It’s time to strip Emily nekkid for a full body massage, HEYHEY~~~

The massage was Mama Marin’s idea so that Emily wouldn’t feel so tense all the time. And it did help Emily relax for a while…

…until she found out that A was the one giving her the massage!

What kind of fucked up SEX MASSAGE PARLOUR is this, letting any random ol’ stranger waltz in as they touch their grimy hands all over the customers’ bodies!? No wonder Mama Marin gave away her gift certificate for free!

A’s text message reads: “See how easy it is for me to get my hands around your neck? – A”

Eek! How creepy is that!? Even I’m terrified for Emily! But A’s constant mindrape is pretty awesome to watch.

Jason could have the words “I WATCH YOU SLEEP WHILE TOUCHING MYSELF AT NIGHT” tattooed on his forehead, and Aria would still be drawn to him with her silly schoolgirl crush. Everyone and their mothers already warned her about this guy, including her own boyfriend, but she’s still making *googly eyes* at him.

Spencer: *randomly enters car*
Ezra: wtf…???
Spencer: Hi Fitzy. I need to tell you about what a massive two-timing ho Aria is, so this might take a while.

Ezra + Spencer’s bare shoulders + Intimacy in car = *SUSPICIOUS PEDO ALERT*

Look at Ella, figuring shit out! Too bad she’s always so close with her suspicions but they’re never quite exact. She knows somebody is trying to hurt the girls, yet can’t pinpoint A’s existence. Now she figures out that Ezra is a sexual deviant, though she associates him with the wrong student. When Mama Montgomery sees Ezra and Spencer in the car together, she immediately jumps to the worst conclusion about them.

After the entire day goes terribly wrong for her, Hanna can’t resist the urge to vent about her fembot stepsister.

Hanna: Why should I even try at all? If it weren’t for Isahell the Skank, my mom would be with my dad right now instead of home alone. So Kate, her mom, and those bitches can go to hell for all I care!

And just when Hanna thought the country club date couldn’t go any worse, it does! She didn’t keep her bitching discrete enough, because it had been broadcast through a megaphone for everybody to hear!!!

Even the horse is like OH GURL I CAN FEEL ALL THE DRAMAZ IN THE AIR.

Jenna demands to have her sex tape back, but Spencer is like “I REFUSE TO GIVE UP THE TOBY PORN. BTW ARE YOU PLANNING TO FILM A SEQUEL WITH THAT PEDOCOP GARRETT? CLOSE THE CURTAINS BITCH.”

Jenna and Garrett have another ~cryptic conversation~ in the car together (it must be a trademark by now). There’s no need for me to recap what they said, because these two secretive motherfuckers never reveal anything crucial anyway. Would it kill them to stop speaking ambiguously all the time?

In order to win back Aria’s wavering affections, Ezra believes it’s time for them to go public as an official couple! They can start by telling her parents first! The decision is so reckless and stupid that it almost sounds like an Aria plan, so of course she’s over the moon about this.

When Jason finds out who his competition is, he’s quite frankly not all that impressed!

He shoots her a look that says: OH GURL, YOU CAN DO MUCH BETTER. NAMELY ME.

Near the end of the episode, Kate lays down the smackdown on her inferior stepsiste.

Kate: Don’t apologize. We’re practically family now. Actually, I’m sorry about what happened to your horse. You know, training a horse is an art. You have to work with the animal, bending its will until it knows that you are its master, taking all the fight out of it until it realizes it’s broken. That’s how you’re going to feel when I’m through with you. Welcome to the family, sis.

Hanna: …wait, did you just compare me to a horse? *confused* IDGI.

Mama Montgomery shares her concerns that Ezra might be more perverted than meets the eye. She accuses him of being romantically involved with Spencer’s shoulders, but Aria refutes these outrageous claims. Ella says that she’ll feel *disappointed* and *betrayed* by Ezra if those rumours turn out to be true.

I can’t believe it just occurred to Aria that her parents might not be okay with their taboo relationship. She looks very shocked that Mama Montgomery wouldn’t start picking out wedding dates for her daughter and a pedophile. If Aria thinks this is bad, just wait until she sees her hardass father’s reaction to their now public romance. HEADS WILL ROLL, I can assure you that!

The episode ends with a N.A.T. Club reunion sans one member. Garrett is here to remind Jason that what happened in the past needs to stay concealed forever. Hiding the truth is even more important now since he’s a police officer…

Jason is like “GARRETT, IF YOU DON’T STOP TALKING IN CRYPTIC AMBIGUOUS CODE, I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL KILL YOU AND THEN BURY YOU LIKE I DID WITH ALISON’S BODY.I WILL ALSO DEVELOP CREEPY PHOTOS OF YOUR LIPS BUT PRETEND MY DEAD SISTER TOOK THOSE PICTURES.”

And Garrett is like “I just wanna make sure we’re still cool, Jason. I’m a cop now. It matters more than ever.”

Then Jason is like *sharpens field hockey stick*.

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7 Responses

  1. Default avatar Charlotte August 20th, 2011 / Saturday

    LOLZ. Like. I've been laughing. A lot.
    Okay.
    So as ridiculous as Spencer's lack-of-shoulder-fabric outfit is, it's truly nothing compared to Aria's gangsta outfit you properly pointed out. Your recap is poignant, and I have thoroughly enjoyed the subtext in those plain-dialogue scenes. AKA:

    And here is what the queen of the bitchface actually means:

    Jackie: Listen up, bitch. Once you reach legal age and lose your jailbait allure, there ain't gonna be any guys sipping on yo milkshake no more. Enjoy being used by older men while you still can.

    O_O
    Aria face.

    Anyways. As much as I do think Jason is kind of a creeper (okay, is a creeper) I would rather have him date Aria only because Ezra and Aria are RIDICULOUSLY boring. The screen time between Jason/Aria has been more eventful in 7 episodes than the 30 with Aria/Ezra. So while he is a creeper, he's so much better in my book.
    (He has yet to make this face O_O….therefore he must be better to an extent)

    Excellent recapping, as usual!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      I still laugh every time I look at the picture of Aria's gangsta get-up. Spencer's lack of shoulders might be passed off as a bad fashion choice, but there's absolutely no explanation for what Aria wore in Episode 4, which makes it so great.

      There's so much subtext in this show, and it's always a lot of fun to interpret the thinly veiled insults made by passive aggressive characters. I think Jackie particularly has a lot of potential.

      I'm really glad they introduced New Jason this season, because Ezria continues to be a snoozefest. Aria acts ten times more ridiculous/ditzy than usual during her scenes with Jason, which are always fun to watch, so I'm rooting for him over Ezra as well.

  2. Default avatar The Morose Mississippi August 22nd, 2011 / Monday

    “He shoots her a look that says: OH GURL, YOU CAN DO MUCH BETTER. NAMELY ME.”

    LMAO xD

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      Jason's face in that screenshot is totally an OH GURL expression!

  3. Default avatar Anonymous August 26th, 2011 / Friday

    These recaps are hilarious! Are there any other series that you are gonna do?

    • Default avatar Recap Everything February 4th, 2012 / Saturday

      Thank you! I'm gonna try my best to cover as many series as possible in my television viewing schedule. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. :)

  4. Default avatar HANNA February 17th, 2013 / Sunday

    SHE IS GAY LIKE ME WONT TO HAVE SEX

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