Season 2 Episode 1, Pretty Little Liars Recap, It’s Alive

The girls see a therapist. Ian’s body is still missing. He is dead, right?

Welcome back to the second season of the hit summer series Pretty Little Liars! Here’s a quick recap (imagine Spencer’s sultry voice saying this): Ian is dead. The po po arrived. But his body is gone. Oh no!

Anyway, that creepy pedocop Garett (aka. Jenna’s secret boyfriend) drives the girls to police questioning, but warns them that they cannot mention about blackmailing Ian for money. Our heroines are already suspicious enough as they are.

With that plot hole conveniently out of the way, the girls return to their typical everyday lives: bitching about A and speculating over the identity of the neighbourhood murderer.

But wait, there’s a parental intervention!

Apparently, the whole town thinks these bitches lied about Ian’s murder. So the parents are going to force their daughters to therapy together! Everyone is shocked and outraged, except Emily who just has a mildly constipated expression.

Meanwhile, Jenna has a secret rendezvous with her boyfriend (the guys on this show seriously need to wear name tags). They’re worried because Ali’s older brother has moved back to town.

They’re concerned about “the Jason thing” or whatever the hell that is supposed to mean. I think it’s a play on “the Jenna thing” from last season.

Creepy Noel is back at school after his suspension is over. He’s all like WHADDUP BITCHES! *eyefucks Aria*

And Aria just responds with that gorgeous doe-eyed pouty look, also known as the “WHAT THE FUCK? O_O” expression.

Speaking of Aria, I don’t even remember what caused the rift between her and Ezra last season, but honestly does it matter? We know the formula so well that we can write our own scenes for all Ezra/Aria storylines.

After Aria leaves the classroom, we get this hilarious prolonged shot of Ezra gawking awkwardly at the floor. He literally stays in this position for like five whole seconds.

Emily is watching Toby porn in her bedroom! Where can I get a copy?

And then some creepy guy (there are a lot of those on this show) just randomly shows up in Emily’s room all of a sudden!!!

Emily’s family is moving away to Texas, so her mom has no issue inviting strange real estate men into her teenage daughter’s bedroom.

Melissa is really upset about Ian’s presumed disappearance, but fortunately she has a supportive younger sister in Spencer during her time of misfortune…

Spencer: Ian is DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD. *spits on grave* LET’S GO ORDER HIS COFFIN – OH WAIT THERE’S NO BODY. ALI KILLING CREEPO IS DEAD DEAD DEAD. *ahem* He’s dead, sis.

Melissa: NO HE’S ALIVE! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DEAD WILL BE! I HATE CHUUUUUUU!!!

Meanwhile, Lucas and Caleb bond over their mutual appreciation for Hanna.

Caleb: I promise to ravish Hanna in ways that you can never even imagine. By the way, you drive like an old lady.

Lucas: That’s OK, Caleb! How kind of you to offer to pay for the gas money for driving you all the way back here! I’m completely cool that Hanna has the hots for a slimy greasy tool like you!

The therapist promises the girls that they’ll have complete confidentiality. Emily wants to tell somebody the truth, but the other girls aren’t so certain about confiding to a stranger…

The girls’ notoriety as the four pretty little liars spread quickly across town.

Hanna: Can someone please stop the wind machine? Seriously?

Caleb comes to beg Hanna for a second chance (recap: they broke up last season because Caleb was a spy for Jenna), but she isn’t so quick to forgive and forget.

Hanna ends up giving him the boot yet again. Ouch.

During the greaseball’s visit, Hanna discovers that her best friend Mona intercepted an apology/love letter from Caleb in the season finale.

Hanna: HOW DARE YOU. MY LIFE IS RUINED BECAUSE OF YOU.
Mona: But I thought you hated that guy anyway?
Hanna: YES AND NO. DOESN’T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BE EVIL.
Mona: …for not giving you his letter?
Hanna: I WILL *NEVER* FIND LOVE AGAIN!

While Hanna has a meltdown, guess who decides to show up and starts macking on Mona?

POWER COUPLE NOEL X MONA IN THE HOUSE. It’s happening, people! Don’t deny the romance of our generation: MOEL.

Melissa tries to make amends with Spencer, and then throws in a random trivia fact that she and Ian had decided to name the baby “Taylor”.

Spencer and Toby are going to meet up at Emily’s house so that they could continue their Romeo & Juliet romance behind their parents’ backs.

Toby becomes fascinated with a section of the wall in Emily’s bedroom, where she had marked down her height as a little kid. She doesn’t want to move away because of all the *memories*.

So Toby does what any ordinary person would do: he decides to cut out that part of the wall to preserve it. (Never mind the fact that he carries a switchblade in his pocket)

Oh Toby, you’re so creepy.

I usually don’t fantard over television couples, but I really enjoy the Toby/Emily interactions on this show. I think it’s a shame that they have so much sizzling chemistry with each other (definitely more than Emily/Maya or Emily/Psycho), but I guess they could still be friends if not lovers.

HOLY SPRAY ON FAKE SIX-PACK ABS, BATMAN!

In an attempt to win over Aria again, Ezra decides to take the gratuitous nudity approach. It seems to work.

Aria: OK Fitzy-poo, I forgive you for whatever dumb shit we were fighting about.
Ezra: …erm, I can’t concentrate while I’m too busy sucking in my gut.

Just when the girls are going to confide in the therapist, they find Ezra’s memento in the office. This is A’s reminder that they’re always being watched.

The good news for Aria is that her mom will move back into the house again. The bad news is that, per the therapist’s advice, they don’t want the heroines to hang out with each other anymore due to their destructive friendship!

Spencer does what these pretty little liars do best: snoop in other people’s personal belongings. She picks up Melissa’s cell phone and starts going through the text messages.

GASP! What is this cryptic message? Is Ian still alive!?!?

Spencer communicates with this mysterious person, who agrees to answer any questions to prove his identity. It has to be a question that only Ian would know the answer to…

The question: “What are we naming our baby?”

The response: “Taylor.”

And the plot thickens.

DUN DUN DUN!

By the way, I was so proud of the girls when they told Garrett they saved a copy of Ian’s proposition video to Ali…

…only to be massively disappointed when A just manages to waltz right into Emily’s open house and reformat her computer. *headdesk* THAT BEST NOT BE THE ONLY COPY YOU GIRLS SAVED.

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3 Responses

  1. Default avatar gaby cano September 20th, 2012 / Thursday

    Whats your problem about Ezria?

  2. Default avatar faniac February 6th, 2014 / Thursday

    one vote for anti-ezria

  3. Default avatar Anonymous April 20th, 2015 / Monday

    IDGI a lot of people get MARRIED when they’re 16 and it’s completely legal. Plus a lot of people have big age gap relationships. It really isn’t frowned upon by society. Just saying.

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