Season 1 Episode 22, Pretty Little Liars Recap, For Whom the Bells Toll

Spencer confronts Ian about Ali’s video; Spencer faces multiple life-threatening experiences.

Heyo, welcome to the season finale of the scandalous teenage drama & everyone’s favourite guilty pleasure Pretty Little Liars! Last episode, our four heroines retrieved a key, which led them to the storage warehouse, which contained a USB key, which had secret scandalous video footage! (OMG, ever heard of a backup drive, Ali?)

The USB not only contained video footage of the girls changing clothes in their bedrooms, but it also recorded a secret voyeuristic sex tape of Jenna groping, seducing, and raping Toby!

Hannah: Do you think Ian gets off watching us nekkid?
Spencer: All perverts that prey on teenage girls should burn in hell.
Aria: Except for my darling Fitzy-poo, rite? O_O

Meanwhile, Emily is too busy making constipated faces to say any lines!

Aria’s mother continues to be fickle and indecisive about her relationship with Byron. On one hand, Ella is flirting heavily with her husband, yet she doesn’t want to send off mixed signals to anyone that they’re still together. Even Aria is like OMG WOMAN, MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY.

Aria also received multiple text messages from her scandalous lover Ezra, who’s like ZOMG CHRIS HANSEN WAS HERE!!!

Hannah is moping and sulking ever since she broke up with Caleb, who was literally put on a bus last episode. She feels devastated because this is the first time a guy broke her heart. Sean doesn’t count because he’s such a douchebag virgin bofo anyway.

Melissa and Ian get lovey-dovey in the kitchen. They’re going to church later in the day to plan the christening of their baby.

Spencer is like: “Isn’t that a little premature? What if it’s not born human?” *lol*

Melissa gets outraged by Spencer’s wiseass remark: “OMG THAT’S NOT FUNNY. YOU’RE THE WORST SISTER WHO EVER SISTERED. IAN & I ARE THE SHOW’S OTP. JEALOUS HATERS LIKE YOU TO THE LEFT.” Even their mother is like: “Spencer, why are you such a bitch to your sister?” And Spencer is thinking: “You wanna go there, mom?”

Emily and her mom also get a bonding scene, but apparently the writers ran out of lesbian storylines for Emily in the finale. Instead, they drop a last minute bombshell that her family *might* be going to Texas and she *might* be written off the show. But whatever. We all know this is a filler storyline because Emily isn’t going anywhere.

Speaking of filler storylines that aren’t going anywhere, Aria and Ezra have a very discrete meeting in the middle of the school hallway. Someone in the show’s wardrobe department just got fired, because even Ezra himself is like OMFG WHAT IN HOLY HELL AM I WEARING!?

Ezra: I just lost my job and brb after rotting away in prison forever.
Aria: O_O
Ezra: Naw, jk. That would actually mean making progress in our relationship and we simply can’t have that! *lol*

Apparently, Ezra got hired by Hollis as a college professor, so he’s going to quit his teaching job at the high school. Aria thinks this means they can now be a couple in public, while the audience is like *facepalm* ARIA WHY U HAVE NO LOGIC?

Hannah brings her moping and sulking to the school hallways, while her BFFgoddess Mona tries to cheer her up.

Mona: It’s a good thing Caleb didn’t leave you a note and I didn’t throw it away and you didn’t lose your only chance at true love forever, teeheehee.

The writers want to make up for the fact that Emily has such a lame non-lesbian storyline this episode, so they make Mona kiss Hannah goodbye for no apparent reason.

Lucas: *gawk* *spy* *stalk* *blatantly eavesdrop* *rocking a jean jacket like it’s a party back in the 1990s*

Hannah: You still mad at me, boo?
Lucas: Um, not really. I was absent from the show for so long that I don’t even remember why I’m mad at you in the first place.

Lucas eventually finds out that Mona has ceased all the contact between Caleb and Hannah. Mona is like: “OMFG Hermie, did you come back to the show just so you can be an annoying psycho stalker?” And Lucas goes: “Um yeah, being a creeper is kind of my defining characteristic.”

The pretty little liars confront Jenna about the videos they found. Jenna goes: “Should I call security?” And Hannah is like: *flexes hand* “DON’T MAKE ME SLAP A BITCH AGAIN”

In Jenna’s flashback, Ali was blackmailing Jenna with the rape video that she found. So if she tells anyone the truth behind “the Jenna thing”, then Allison will show the whole world with the video footage of “the Jenna raping Toby thing”.

After coercing the truth out of Jenna, the girls decide to blackmail Ian with the video next. They will give him the video in exchange for $10,000. Let’s get this straight: these girls will meet up with a guy who killed Allison, late at night, in the woods, all alone. What a great plan! Nothing could go wrong!

Afterwards, Jenna calls somebody about how the girls found the *video* and they know the *truth*.

And the person on the receiving end of the call is none other than…Ian! He’s going to *take care* of the problem once and for all!

Emily meets up with her police officer neighbour Garrett, who tells her to be careful around the neighbourhood. He offers his phone number to her, just in case she runs into danger at any time this episode.

Hannah and Emily share a nice bonding moment over how shitty their storylines are in this episode. Emily *might* be going away to Texas, but she assures Hannah they’ll still be BFFs forever.

But then OMFG, it turns out that Jenna has a new man in her life and it’s that police officer Garrett! The two of them are in cahoots with each other all along!

At this point, you have to wonder why half of the male population in this town is into chasing underage jailbait. Like, are there no available women of legal and legitimate age in this show?

Toby assures Spencer that he’ll always be *there* for her, unless she’s being chased by a psychomaniac who’s trying to kill her in the bell tower of a church. In that case, Spencer will just have to fend for herself.

It won’t be a PLL finale without a boring fight-fight-kiss scene between Aria and Ezra. Here is the typical formula of their storylines thus far:

1.) It always starts off with a misunderstanding between the two. In this case, Ezra’s ex-fiancée Jackie has come back to complicate his life.

2.) It leads to Aria throwing a jealous tantrum about how this impossible relationship is simply too impossible to continue. Either he doesn’t love her, or he doesn’t trust her, or he doesn’t care about her, or whatever lameass excuse the writers come up with for the week.

3.) It ends with a make-up-and-kiss scene that usually happens at the end of the episode. Sometimes, the drama might drag on for a couple of episodes before they resolve the issues between them. In this case, I expect Ezra/Aria will get back together again in the second season premiere.

Hannah is still bawling her eyes out as she deletes Caleb’s number from her cell phone. Because at the age of sixteen, Hannah is resigned to being an old maid who will never fall in love with another guy again.

But hey, Caleb isn’t gone from the picture for good. In fact, Lucas is driving him back to town so that he can be reunited with Hannah.

Caleb: Why are you doing this for me, your rival in love?
Lucas: If I can’t be together with mah unrequited love, then I’d rather see her be happy with someone else she loves.
Caleb: Oh, and I thought I was *the* walking cliché.

Spencer has to drive Melissa from her meeting at church. The two sisters bicker back and forth during the ride, until a car suddenly comes out and crash into them!

They escape relatively unscathed, but Melissa’s baby is still being monitored in the hospital.

Spencer, who’s kind of a wreck right now, decides to go back to the church in order to retrieve Melissa’s cell phone.

Meanwhile, the other three pretty little liars are waiting for Ian to show up with the money. They also enlisted the help of Garrett for security reasons, although Hannah and Aria aren’t certain about trusting him.

Anyway, it turns out to be a false alarm. Ian didn’t show up. Instead, he paid off some guy to deliver the money at the meeting place.

Ian actually shows up at church and confronts Spencer about Ali’s video.

Spencer knows she’s five seconds away from being ~*murdered*~ by that creeper Ian, so she uses the incriminating evidence as leverage to buy herself some time.

Instead of running towards the church doors, Spencer decides her best escape route is to run up the stairs and hide inside the dimly lit bell tower. Don’t ask why, it’s more suspenseful this way.

Ian manages to catch up to Spencer, and confirms that he will kill her right here, right now. He’s going to push her down the bell tower and then plant a fake suicide note on Spencer’s computer.

They struggle quite a bit, but he’s far stronger than her. Spencer is literally a second away from falling to her death. She tries to plea for her life one last time: “Please! If you love my sister, you won’t do this!”

Ian replies back: “I’m doing it because I love her.”

Just as Ian is about to kill Spencer once and for all, he suddenly detects the presence of another person. He goes WTF U DOING HERE? And that mystery person pushes Ian down the bell tower instead!!!

WHO IS THE MYSTERY HOODIE PERSON!?!?

Yep, Ian looks pretty dead from this angle.

Spencer survives, just barely, as her friends come over to the church to rescue her.

An undetermined amount of time passed by, and the police finally arrives onto the scene. However, the officers report that they cannot find Ian’s body anywhere!

WTF WHERE IS HIS DEAD CORPSE!?

Is Ian still alive and simply escaped by himself? Or did someone hide his body away somewhere else? What is going on!?!?!?

In times of crisis, Ella and Byron seemed to have rekindled their relationship once and for all.

Noel also makes a random inconspicuous cameo appearance outside the church.

The episode ends with a final text message from A: “SEE YOU NEXT SEASON BITCHES!!! –A”

Oh guilty pleasure show, how I love you so.

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7 Responses

  1. Default avatar A April 26th, 2013 / Friday

    nice i love it

  2. Default avatar A June 5th, 2013 / Wednesday

    This is so much better than the original storyline

  3. Default avatar faniac February 6th, 2014 / Thursday

    supa awesome !!!

  4. Default avatar A January 8th, 2015 / Thursday

    I ship manna so much c:

  5. Default avatar Emily January 30th, 2015 / Friday

    You love Emily

  6. Default avatar Emily January 30th, 2015 / Friday

    I like you girl

  7. Default avatar Waffle_Muggler July 12th, 2015 / Sunday

    Dis is freaking awesome

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