Season 1, Jane By Design Recap – Meet Jane Quimby

Meet Jane Quimby, an ordinary high school student by day and a TOP SECRET FASHION INDUSTRY EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT by afternoon. Now, let’s find out what ridiculous hijinks await our fashion-conscious and boy-crazy heroine~

Surprise recap! I don’t think anyone over the age of 14 should openly admit that they watch Jane By Design, but sorry I kinda adore this little gem of a show and feel the need to share my unapologetic love for it. Out of the bajillion superior television shows that I need to catch up on, I can’t believe this is the first one that I actually focus on. *la sigh* My recapping priorities are almost as good as my television tastes.

Anyway, since the second part of the season is returning in a few days, I’ll brush up on your memory by highlighting the fun & fluffy moments in the first ten episodes. Plus, I’ll offer highly valuable career advice to all the actors after JBD’s eventual cancellation – because let’s face it, this show’s life span is only 2 seasons at most, and that’s me being overly optimistic about its chances.

For those of you unfamiliar with Jane By Design, this is a fluffy girly drama about fashion, relationships and silly teenage problems that are blown out of proportion. The target demo is obviously aimed towards tweens and easily impressionable young women, but that ain’t stopping me from watching gurl~

If I have to describe Jane By Design in one succinct sentence, I’d say it’s the type of show that makes you ovulate faster just by its sheer girliness, because this is a ~*100% chick show*~. And if you didn’t have a vagina before watching the show, I’m pretty sure you’re gonna grow one after reading this recap, so it’s all good baby.

Do you know what I love most about Jane By Design? I absolutely *HEART* the intro theme song – “Work of Art”, sung by Rachel Platten. Ohmigosh, it’s so appropriately girly and whimsical and makes me wanna take out a tampon and just wave it in the air because I don’t care!!! Just listen to this shit, gurl. Isn’t it like cotton candy for your ears, no? Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah~~~

What I like about Jane By Design is that it has a feel-good chick flick vibe condensed into 60 minutes every week. This is obviously no MASTERCLASS TELEVISION, but it’s simple and sweet and charming and pleasant enough. You know, it’s the kind of TV show where you mindlessly bop your head to the catchy intro song without even paying much attention to it. Now, just imagine bopping your head mindlessly to the entire show. That’s how watching Jane By Design feels like.

Now that I’m finished justifying my decision to recap JBD and have lost all credibility as a legitimate television reviewer, let’s get to the actual plot.

Jane By Design is about a teenage girl (GUESS WHAT HER NAME IS!!!) who has to balance between her life as a high school outcast and her life working in the fashion industry. Somehow, nobody finds out that she’s a teenager pretending to be the least believable adult ever. Each episode is basically five minutes of plot and superficial drama, while the rest of the content is filled by Jane putting on pretty clothes during her frequent wardrobe changes. Oh, and occasionally some of the characters kiss like SAVAGE ANIMALS.

In the first episode, Jane was originally going to apply for a student internship at this big shot fashion company, except some incompetent ho mixes up the applications and Jane somehow ends up in a job interview for the executive assistant position instead.

Her boss is some Devil Wears Prada knockoff bitch named Gray (Andie MacDowell, the only actor I had any name recognition among the main cast). For some reason probably relating to budget restraints, most of her on-screen appearances involve Gray communicating with Jane through video conferencing. Anyway, Jane quickly gets hired and commits some FRAUDULENT IDENTITY FELONY and then we get to carry on with the premise of the show.

Seriously, Jane does a lot of illegal shit in the first episode that would’ve landed her with years of prison time if she wasn’t a minor. The show tries to play some upbeat pop music in the background to pretend everything is done for laughs, but it cannot disguise the fact that Jane is like a GRAND THEFT AUTO FINAL BOSS with her car hijacking and house break-ins and identity thefts and signature forgery and seducing an adult man at some floozy bar. Like holy shit, this girl is kinda badass for a show that’s supposed to be about teenagers putting on pretty little dresses!

BTW speaking of Devil Wears Prada knockoffs, the actress playing Jane could totally pass off as Anne Hathaway’s younger half-sister or second distant cousin or something. My career advice for Erica Dasher is to follow in Miss Hathaway’s footsteps and star in direct-to-video film sequels. She needs to make the world a better place by shooting Princess Diaries 3, dammit!

Apparently, Jane is a TOTAL LOSER in high school who doesn’t have many friends because who the fuck knows with teenagers and their cliquish mentality amirite? I guess Jane is unpopular because she dresses differently and has an affected way of speaking. Anyway, her only friend is this school punk named Billy, who’s always “there” for Janey or some cliched BFF archetype. Even though their friendship starts off as strictly platonic, you just know these two are gonna have some Late-Game Unresolved Sexual Tension between them sooner or later, because duh you’re watching an ABC Family show where every storyline is a rehash of an overdone romantic comedy.

(SPOILER ALERT: Billy discovers his “feelings” for Janey in Episode 10 *omgshocker*)

And even though Billy is a social outcast, he actually has a secret illicit relationship with the queen bee of the school, Lulu. I guess it’s supposed to be a taboo romance because she’s risking her ~*social reputation*~ to hook up with some guy who has as much street cred as the hair gel on his head. Only in an ABC Family drama would it be an issue that A POPULAR GIRL IS DATING AN UNPOPULAR BOY!!! OMG THE HORROR!!! *rolls eyes* Let’s just say they are certainly not the Romeo and Juliet love story of our generation.

Lulu is introduced to us as this QUEEN BEE IT GIRL RUTHLESS ALPHA BITCH …except her fire kinda fizzles out after 2 or 3 episodes, which was a big shame. They should have continued depicting Lulu as a cliquish high school monstrosity with no redeeming qualities, instead of trying (and failing) to make her a blandly sympathetic character. Unfortunately, the show’s attempts to turn Lulu likable meant that they had to eradicate any evidence of her personality, whoops.

In any case, Lulu definitely gets outshone and overshadowed by her adorable BFF Harper with some lulzy scene stealing moments. Harper delivers her cute little snarky lines perfectly, and she’s pretty much everything that I wished Lulu’s character was.

Harper: And then there’s Mike Murphy. Pros: let’s be honest – everything. Cons: likes boys.
Lulu: Since when!?
Harper: Since a year from now when he lands the lead in the musical and can’t keep his eyes off the cute sailor in the chorus line. You heard it here first!

In the second episode, Jane goes to the school dance with a meathead baseball jock named Nick. Despite knowing each other throughout their childhood, he doesn’t even remember who the fuck Jane is UNTIL he noticed something “different” about her lately (aka. she started dressing sluttier clothes in school).

Thanks to Nick, Lulu isn’t even the most generic love interest on the show, because this guy is a whole new brand of plain white vanilla blandness. However, he did have an unintentionally funny moment during the dance, when he whispered VERY LOUDLY that Lulu and Harper were JUST JELLUS OF JANE…and he says it right in front of those two bitches. *lol* Way to defuse the tension, Nick!

Another funny moment involving Nick is a very cheesy moment in the second episode, where Jane was sneaking glances at him like a perve, and then he starts flexing his arms, puffing out his pecs and caressing his hair in slow-mo while a pop rock song plays in the background. This sequence of events is practically like *softcore porn* for the typical viewership watching the ABC Family channel. And I’m sure there were a few pairs of moist panties by the time Nick flashed that toothy grin at Jane.

The main conflict in the second episode is that Jane’s school dance is held at the same time as her work function. OMG CRISIS!!! Jane decides to go to both events at once, so she spends most of the episode running around like a ridiculous person and changing her outfits every five minutes. She somehow ends up saving the fashion show with her frilly pink prom dress (don’t ask how), but ends up alienating Nick because she didn’t put out for him or something. IDK IDK!!! NEXT RIDICULOUS STORYLINE PLEASE!!

In the third episode, Jane’s brother begins his new full-time job at her school as the baseball coach, gym teacher and sex education instructor. I’m sorry that I haven’t introduced the ~*REAL STAR*~ of the show until this late into the recap, but they can seriously make this the Ben Quimby show and sideline Jane’s character and I wouldn’t have a problem with it. Ben is this loveable goofball with a lot of adorkable moments sprinkled in each episode. I think the actor is really charming, and he makes his character really endearing, and I just find him really fun to watch. Ben is my favourite character on the show by far.

It’s hard to pinpoint why I like him so much, but he’s really great at taking these tiny throwaway moments and elevating the material with his boyish charm. So, my career advice for Ben’s actor (David Clayton Rogers) is for him to find a regular role on a sitcom, playing more or less the same goofball character. I think he has good comedic chops and I would like to see him with steady work in a similar role.

BTW I totally remember David Clayton Rogers from the first episode of Cougar Town when Jules bedded some hottie at the bar. I thought he was cute then and I think he’s even cuter now. :o)

BTWBTW I also remember when Cougar Town was about Courtney Cox fucking a bunch of young shirtless studs. Now, there’s just a group of mean-spirited alcoholics drinking wine and insulting each other in a cul-de-sac. I still can’t decide which version I like better.

Ben has an adorable budding relationship with the guidance counsellor, Rita Shaw. She used to have a crush on him back in high school, even though he *bullied* her for being fat and ugly and unpopular. Now Rita is pretty and skinny and successful (well, she’s working at a public high school, so scratch that last part), and while she still has some unresolved feelings for the high school bully, she resorts to making a lot of sarcastic quips at Ben, which bounces off him because he’s like teflon.

Rita is an awesome character as well, and I love watching her progressing relationship with Ben. The two of them together are just really sweet and really funny. Their interactions are always the highlights of each episode.

The third episode is about Jane running a bunch of meaningless errands for Gray, which involves her being surrounded by a bunch of shirtless male models. Or something like that. Don’t ask me about the plot, because I don’t have an actual answer.

In the fourth episode, Billy and Lulu finally come out as a public couple, which nobody gives a damn except for Jane. I guess Jane gets upset because she’s jealous, clingy and possessive over her supposedly “platonic” friend. Also, she hates that bitch Lulu or something. I can’t really be sure though, since it’s difficult to keep track of all the inane reasons on how dumb shit drama is manufactured on this show. SPOILER ALERT: Jane and Billy are besties again by the end of the episode, so I’m putting as much effort into summarising this shit as they are with writing it.

Jane and Nick play some midnight baseball, which sounds kinda romantic on paper, but sorry they have no chemistry together. I just don’t understand what these two see in each other, since they seem really incompatible in terms of personality or interests. Plus, there’s not much depth to Nick’s character, so he’s like a simple footnote in the midst of Jane’s overcomplicated life. Meh.

I don’t have much inspired career advice for Nick’s actor (Matthew Atkinson) except those biceps have potential so he should bring them out to play more often. May I recommend that he wear shorter & tighter t-shirts in the future episodes?

This week’s fashion plot involves Jane handling a very difficult client who stomps around dissing everyone and their mothers. You’d think she was the Empress of Japan from the way she was behaving. Eventually, Jane wins her over by…acting like a total idiot. No seriously. The bitch was like OHOHOHO JANE YOU ARE SO STUPID AND UNCULTURED. YOU REMIND ME OF MYSELF WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. Jane encourages the client to ~*let ur hair down gurl*~ and then some important magazine deal got signed, which will never be mentioned again during the series, so that’s that.

THE FIFTH EPISODE TAKES PLACE IN PARIS!!! No wait, it’s just the last 90 seconds of the episode, so don’t get too excited. It kinda amazes me that they actually had the budget to send the crew to Paris (meanwhile, the only trip that the Pretty Little Liars ever get is from one fake studio set to another). But other than the five-second shot of Jane standing in *proximity* to the Eiffel Tower, all the scenes were kinda inconsequential, so I don’t understand why they travelled all this way to shoot ordinary scenes that could have been filmed anywhere? Credit where it’s due though, at least they had authentic camera footage of Jane Quimby in Paris, so there was no green screen action from this show!

In this episode, Jane was given the simple task of delivering an important lookbook for Gray, so of course she finds a way to fuck it up and loses the top-secret fashion portfolio in a taxi. I guess it was kinda fun watching Jane scramble around like a headless chicken, although it was completely ridiculous when she and Billy hijacked a taxi company just to examine inside every single cab. -_-”

Of course, she doesn’t do the most obvious thing by contacting the lost & found department of the cab company right away, but I guess we wouldn’t have much of a show if Jane didn’t behave like such an irrational dumb bimbo. In the end, a taxi driver returned the lookbook safe and sound, thus rescuing our hapless heroine from yet another stupid misadventure.

There was a really funny scene in this episode, where Ben tries to warn Nick from putting any sexual advances on his younger sister. Except he says this through a vague baseball analogy laced with many innuendos, so much miscommunication hilarity ensues. (The writing on this show isn’t anything spectacular, but sometimes it can be surprisingly clever.)

Ben: You know, you’re a teenager. You should take it slow. I was a lot like you in high school. And I was known to, let’s say, overswing on occasions. When you find yourself at the plate tonight…
Nick: I don’t have a game tonight.
Ben: Work with me here! Fast ball, what do you do?
Nick: Knock it out of the park?
Ben: No, no, no, no! You don’t! Whatever you’re doing tonight, if you get a fast ball down the middle, just swing easy. Very, very easy. Just lightly tap it. Don’t do that! If you accidentally make contact, first base only, nothing more. Do not try to go for second base. Hey, home run, not an option! You hear me?

Moving onto the sixth episode, this is a good time to mention the two characters that I’ve largely neglected until now. Meet India and Jeremy, two of the fashion designers working at Jane’s company.

I think India is alright, since she plays her role as the designated bitch to a tee. But Jeremy, who’s supposed to be some playboy with a fancy accent, I don’t like that guy at all. I just find him so smarmy and irritating ever since he was introduced in the first episode. It’s strange because India is the one who has done deplorable things like trying to get Jane fired multiple times, but I like her okay while Jeremy is generally inoffensive and he still bugs the hell outta me. I’m not sure if it’s because of the actors or the characters or perhaps the accent. *shrugs*

One of my biggest problems with Jeremy is all the times he tries to flirt with Jane. *cringes* It’s bad enough that his pick-up lines are so damn sleazy, but watching an adult man hit on a teenage girl is super uncomfortable. It doesn’t help that Jane is so childish and immature, which makes Jeremy seem more like an intruding ~*predator*~ with his inappropriate sexual advances.

Even if they haven’t done anything intimate together, we all know ABC Family has no moral threshold when it comes to jailbait storylines, so who knows where this relationship will eventually go? I guess it’s not Jeremy’s fault that Jane lied about her age, but I still don’t like the guy.

India and Jeremy have some kind of on-and-off relationship, or they’re friends with benefits, or something that involves them sexing each other up without committing in a relationship. Sometimes I feel like some of the salacious adult storylines doesn’t gel as well with the youthful vibe of the show. Like, we have Jane running around in a pink tutu dress just a minute ago, but suddenly India & Jeremy are humping each other in the next scene. Then again, these scenes are necessary because it reminds the viewers that Jane is a teenager in an adult world, so the show shouldn’t be all sweet and spice and prink frilly dresses all the time.

Speaking of which, one of the funniest lines for me happens in the second episode when Jane and Jeremy are conversing, and then she mentions something like “I saw you in India the other night…” which was just hilariously vulgar. I probably heard the line wrong and Jane might have said something like “I saw you AND India the other night” but some things are better left misheard than corrected.

In the sixth episode, Billy has an IDENTITY CRISIS and he suddenly aspires to become a preppy popular kid just like everybody else. Of course, Jane immediately starts bitching about him conforming to the system, but then he gives her shit for not supporting a friend, even though he had always done the same for her.

It’s kinda true though. Billy has been a spectacular friend to Jane throughout the series, always helping her out of jams and bending over backwards to please her every whim. In return, Jane just smiles sweetly and murmurs thank you, which is the extent of how much she supports him. So yeah, Jane is mostly a self-centred bitch who acts like the whole show revolves around her. (Oh wait…)

This show draws a lot of inspiration from John Hughes movies, and a lot of times I get this nostalgic feeling like “oh I’ve seen this scene in so-and-so before!” With that in mind, I guess one thing that I learned about Jane By Design is that some of the scenes are done for laughs and shouldn’t be taken TOO literally, even if there might be massive logic overpasses, such as this scene of Nick walking into Jane & Billy inside a washroom stall…

Jane: Do you think that looked weird?
Billy: A little bit.

Well, it’s not any weirder than Nick opening the door of an occupied washroom stall, but yeah these two need to stop hanging out in awkwardly intimate places where no platonic friends have ventured before.

Jane’s cover almost gets blown in this episode when India & Jeremy visit her high school to investigate their fashion project of the week. India almost recognizes Billy because she remembered getting drunk with a teenage boy in a prior episode (awkward~). Despite a few close calls, Jane’s double life manages to stay intact, and she carries on to being the Hannah Montana of the fashion industry for another day.

CUTE BEN AND RITA MOMENT ALERT!

Ben: Do you think I’m weird?
Rita: No Ben, I do not think you’re weird. You’re the opposite of weird. You are in fact completely devoid of neuroses. You have no hang-ups or any deviant interests whatsoever. You’re handsome, not weirdly handsome. Your little sister drives you to work every day, which is a little weird, but also sweet. You love baseball. That’s basically the least weird thing you can like in America. Happy now?
Ben: You think I’m handsome? :D
Rita: Oh god…
Ben: Would it be weird if I asked you to have a drink with me after work? Good weird or bad weird?
Rita: Good weird, I guess.

The seventh episode is about Jane taking care of a rebellious teen model named Piper, who’s a feisty troublemaker and eventually finds out about Jane’s double life. She promises not to reveal the secret in exchange for a day of hilarious high school hijinks.

Hence, Piper spends the episode making out with random students, getting adored by hormonal teenage guys, and pissing off some prick teacher by saying that Harry Potter is a classic work of English literature. I don’t know why the show is trying to ridicule Piper for giving a common well-established fact because Harry Potter *is* essentially The Great Gatsby of our generation. (Haters to the left, because there will be no dissing Harry Potter in my blog!)

Anyway, Piper gets invited to Nick’s house party and acts like a giant slut as you’d expect her to be. Nonetheless, Piper thanks her new BFF for giving a few ~normal~ days as an ordinary teenager. She also reminds Jane not to grow up too fast (aka. which means the show will get cancelled) but it was actually a sweet and genuine moment…if you can overlook the fact that Piper was giving fellatio to a beer bottle just five minutes prior in the episode.

During the party, Nick brings Jane into his bedroom (hey hey~) so that he can show off his SHITLOAD OF TROPHIES. It was almost like the set designers had no inspiration on how to decorate this character’s bedroom, so they overcompensated for his lack of personality by putting in as many prop trophies as they could get their hands on.

Seriously, seeing that many trophies in your bedroom every single day must do things to a boy’s self-esteem. To be fair, one of Nick’s trophies is an award for winning 4th place in a second grade spelling bee, so I guess he’ll just take glory and recognition anywhere he can get it.

OH BTW Nick and Jane kiss in this episode so I guess that makes them an official couple or something? It seems like Nick was sooo gonna steal second base and even sneak into third base tonight. That was the case until Ben shows up at the party to cockblock the young couple and goes like “JANE YOU HOOR! YOU’RE GROUNDED 4 LYFE!” and then Jane removes herself from that plank of wood she has been kissing to make a frowny face at her older brother. How uncool. :-(

In the eighth episode, India was like OH YA I WANNA BE AN EVIL BITCH, so she decides to steal Jane’s design for a wedding dress and tries to pass it off as her own creation. Of course, Jane immediately starts moping and whining and crying about how this dress design belonged to her missing runaway mother (aka. they haven’t cast her actress yet until Desperate Housewives was over). In the end, everyone knows that Jane is *totes angel* and India is *massive bitch* so nothing really changed and the group dynamic remained at status quo again.

Meanwhile, Jane sets up a bro-date between Billy and Nick because they apparently hate each other’s guts, so she wants those two sausages to get along. Things start out awkwardly when Jane doesn’t show up at the date due to another work conflict. Then, Billy starts making these bitchy digs at Nick for being so punctual and polite and personality-free. And afterwards, Nick got really wound up and had to defend himself saying that the writers crafted his character as a carbon copy of a Mary Sue, which means he doesn’t have much material to work with, so leave him alone!!!

Somehow, it ends up with the two of them getting into a bar brawl after hustling some meathead jocks, but Nick accidentally throws a punch at Billy’s face instead. *lol* So yeah, they become friends in the end because the show is pushing for a #bromance or whatevs.

Hooray, it’s the camping episode! Since the show used up most of their budget to film Jane in Paris, the rest of the cast had to settle for sleeping with mosquitoes and poison ivy instead. Ben had quite a few adorable moments in this episode, including his distaste for all camping activities and an irrational fear over small critters biting his face off. Heh.

Ben: This should be interesting, as long as there are no unforeseen incidents.
Rita: Like squirrels attacking the campsite!?
Ben: I…I…I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU WOULD EVEN JOKE ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!! D:

Ben only signed up for the camping trip so he can pitch his tent for Rita Shaw, but unfortunately he gets cockblocked by this Harry Potter hatin’ teacher who’s also interested in her.

Ooooh just look at Rita Shaw, the most popular girl in the school faculty! I love how she ~*transformed*~ from the ugly duckling in her high school days to this beautiful swan in her adult life. Now she can get as much peen as she wants. *sniffles* So inspiring!

Near the end of the episode, we get a ~*confession scene*~ from Ben who’s all like “oh gurl i have something to CONFESS!” and Rita Shaw tries to feign surprise going like “o rly? I wonder what u will tell me! :D” and Ben is like “I MUST CONFESS…that I really hate camping! D:”

Ben: I HATE CAMPING. I hate camping. I really hate everything about it. I hate canteens. I hate tents. I hate sleeping on the ground. I hate when people gather around the fire and sing. I hate that when you’re camping, for no reason, a stick is a suitable utensil. And I’m very sorry, but I hate s’mores. The marshmallow completely overwhelms the entire snack.

Rita: So why did you come this weekend!?
Ben: …because i like u. :)

Aww. And then Rita giggles and rewards him with a kiss and it was too adorable for my bitter jaded words to describe the scene properly. I’ll just say that I love them. BENSHAW FOREVER PLEASE.

AND THEN THIS SHIT HAPPENS!!!

Out of fucking nowhere, Nick and Lulu start randomly making out with each other during the school camping trip! Wow. Just wow. It was a total OMGWTF moment (not in a good way) because I don’t think their characters exchanged more than three lines up until now. There’s Lulu, who made such a big fuss about opening up her relationship, has absolutely no qualms cheating on said boyfriend in public. And there’s Nick, who just gave his girlfriend a phone call, misheard something that seems completely out of Jane’s character, and then he thinks that’s enough reason to click tongues with another chick. What the holy fuck!? O.o

You guys, I think we’ve just witnessed Nick & Lulu’s characters being thrown under the bus like disposable roadkill. If this wasn’t the most obvious sabotage to pave the way for the Jane and Billy love train, I don’t know what is.

I am just *gobsmacked*. What were the writers thinking!? They spent eight episodes building up Nick as this decent guy, and all of a sudden ASSASSINATED his character in one single poorly constructed scene. Likewise with Lulu. IMO I can’t see Nick or Lulu continue being the designated love interests during the second half of the season. Neither of them will be able to redeem themselves, not after how this shit went down.

Where was Jane during all this? Oh you know, just chilling with India by the California poolside, getting a rockin’ tan, and checking out hot guys in their striped speedos, baby. This is sooooo much better than camping!

Nick actually has the audacity to shift the blame on Jane for not always being physically available to him, and she responds…well, her face says it all, really. No surprise, Jane dumped his cheating ass and threw him out to the curb in the first chance that she gets. Good riddance.

Nick: I called because I wanted to hear your voice or something, which is idiotic, I realize…
Jane: You want to know what’s idiotic? YOU STICKING YOUR TONGUE DOWN LULU’S THROAT!!!

In the tenth episode, Ben goes into *FURY MODE* after learning the true nature of his sister’s job. He forces her to quit the job, but she goes behind his back anyway and does some prodigy shit by rescuing a floundering fashion show at the last minute. Afterwards, Ben blubbers on about FASHION IS UR DREAM and U NEED 2 CHASE AFTER UR DREAM and MAH DREAM IS 4 UR DREAM 2 COME TRUE. Then, he says the word “dream” at least twenty more times like he’s Martin Luther King or something. Jane promptly turns on the waterworks when it becomes sorta clear that he’s gonna support her for pursuing a fraudulent career in fashion. And then they hug and kiss and cry and have their periods together or whatever.

If you’ve noticed a disproportionate ratio between Jane’s high school life and her fashion life in the recap, that’s because her filler storylines at the company have been largely unsubstantial. Nothing interesting happens at her workplace until the tenth episode, when Jane suddenly accuses India of leaking competitive information to a rival company. *gaygasp*

Jane has no evidence other than the fact that India has been a gigantic evil bitch to everyone, which is still enough to get her fired for corporate espionage. I half expected India to go out the door screaming and kicking and ripping off Gray’s wig along the way, but she was surprisingly calm and just insisted that they fired the wrong person because she’s ~*innocent*~.

Later in the episode, it’s revealed that Jeremy is the REAL MOLE who had been doing shady shite behind everyone’s backs. So Jane basically got an innocent co-worker fired based on her petty personal vendetta, gj!

Learning about EVIL JEREMY is perhaps the first time that I felt invested in his character, so maybe they should go all out and turn him into some kind of end game moustache-twirling villain mastermind. I don’t have high hopes though, because look at the state of the show, c’mon. We’re lucky if the plot is even complex enough to fill out five minutes.

Billy was arrested in this episode after his hawt older brother Tommy got him involved in some illegal shit. There was a lotta pointless mumbo-jumbo about Billy covering for his older brother and going to trial or WHATEVER. Look, I’m watching Jane By Design to see a fictional teenager live out her girly fantasy with hot guys and cute clothes and upbeat pop music, so excuse me for not caring about the ins and outs of the legal jurisdiction system.

Later in the episode, Tommy agrees to go to jail so that his brother won’t have a permanent record or something along those lines. He also encourages Billy to go ahead and tap Jane’s ass. Oh yes, because giving advice on your teenage brother’s love life should totally be the most important priority. Let’s not pay any attention to the fact that Billy is now an orphaned child and doesn’t have any financial means to support himself. Who cares about reality?

During this scene, we get a hilariously obnoxious hash tag from the social media monkey in ABC Family, as if anyone is gonna tweet #RunBillyRun without looking like a moron. BTW doesn’t it sound like you’re giving commands to a fucking dog? Run, Billy, runnnn!

(Can you believe someone is actually getting PAID to create terrible hash tags like these? Who comes up with this shit???)

In the final minutes of the show, Billy comes to a sudden realization that he’s in love with Janey and HE HAS TO TELL HER RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT because god forbid he just wait for tomorrow and not ambush his best friend with a bombshell confession that’ll change the nature of their relationship forever.

After his sorta confession, Jane is like YA I’M NOT PUTTING UP WITH THIS SHIT UNTIL WE COME BACK FROM AFTER THE BREAK so she’s just kind of hilariously *awkward* standing there while Billy poured his heart and soul out to her. And then Jeremy walks into the scene and goes like LOL HI GUISE WHAT DID I MISS? (Wait, is there gonna be a love triangle between Jane, Billy and Jeremy? Because I’m totally not down with that.)

Anyway, that’s where the episode ends and I’m sure the writers will come up with some ridiculous resolution to this vaginafest after the hiatus. Now excuse me while I go do a Sudoku puzzle to revitalize my brain, because it has gone completely numb after watching these ten episodes of Jane By Design.

12 Responses

  1. Default avatar valery rice June 4th, 2012 / Monday

    hey thanks for starting JBD i love this show!!!
    Billy is so hot!!! He and jane should totally be together!!! I love this website!! It in my fav list!! U r awesome!!!! <333

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 4th, 2012 / Monday

      Thank you~ <3
      Jane/Billy can't be any worse than Jane/Jeremy (dreadful) or Jane/Nick (zzzzz) so I'm rooting for them by default.

  2. Default avatar Unknown June 4th, 2012 / Monday

    CANNOT believe you recapped JBD before OUAT!!! Not kewl! However, redeeming factor is I choked on every bite I took while reading and must remember NEVER to snack while reading your recaps. your PLL comparisons killed me!!! -nic

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 8th, 2012 / Friday

      I can't believe it either. I will get back to watching and recapping the rest of OUAT in the future, I promise! D:
      You just KNOW that all the clothes on this show have either been worn or been rejected by the Pretty Little Liars wardrobe department. *lol* No wonder they don't have the budget to go to Paris.

  3. Default avatar Sabs June 5th, 2012 / Tuesday

    “Ohmigosh, it's so appropriately girly and whimsical and makes me wanna take out a tampon and just wave it in the air because I don't care!!! Just listen to this shit, gurl. Isn't it like cotton candy for your ears, no? Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah~~~”

    LOL!!! I can't believe you did a recap for this show! but that was just hilarious! I have to admit I like this show as well, because there's just something so endearing about it…or may be it's just cause I think Erica Dasher is adorable. But yes I essentially agree with everything you said here! Ben needs his own show and most of the other characters are pretty bland. I can't WAIT until your Teen Wolf and Pretty Little Liar recaps come up! eeeeeeeeep!

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 8th, 2012 / Friday

      You just mentioned my personal favourite part of the recap too, heh. *waves the tampon*

      Erica Dasher is so adorable and plays that girl-next-door ingenue role to perfection. I still can't get over how much she looks like Anne Hathaway though.

      PLL and Teen Wolf recaps coming up really soon~~~

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 8th, 2012 / Friday

      tyty! i love jad, but not as much as I love mah pll. <3

  4. Default avatar Leo June 8th, 2012 / Friday

    I think I just grow a vagina. D: I finished your recap and love love love it. I didn't watch the actual show but your recap will be enough. Thank you, RE! :D

    • Default avatar Recap Everything June 8th, 2012 / Friday

      That's okay, I think I grew at least five on me if that's even humanly possible. The show has this effect on people.
      I don't think the show is for everyone tho, but hopefully my recaps can introduce it to a few more people who wouldn't have heard of JAD otherwise. :)

  5. Default avatar Charlotte June 9th, 2012 / Saturday

    DAMN YOU RECAPEVERYTHING.
    NOW THERE'S ANOTHER CAMPY GIRLY ABCFAMILY SHOW THAT YOUR HILARIOUS RECAPS HAVE MADE ME WANT TO WATCH.
    *le sigh* Here we go, JBD. Another new show I am too old to enjoy.

    Your recaps are wonderfully awesome though. So I shall be with you each episode of the way!

    • Default avatar Charlotte June 9th, 2012 / Saturday

      Oh and BTdubs. I forgot to mention how much I loved your Cougar Town reference. Wine-soaked comedies are HILAR.

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