|Weaver and Tom turn against each other’s authority; the resistance launches an attack on the alien headquarters.
|Welcome to the supersized two-hour season finale recap of Falling Skies! I’d like to congratulate all the viewers who stuck by this series despite its shortcomings. I wish I could say the show improved in quality as the season progressed, but it kinda sucked consistently with the occasional interesting moment here and there. Strangely enough, I’m still a fan. At the end of the day, Falling Skies is a watchable show. I get a sick pleasure from mocking the ridiculousness of the proceedings.|
|Can someone tell Dr. Anne that it’s rude to stare?
This woman has been eyefucking Tom in nearly every scene. You know she wanted to jump on his bones since the first episode, but he’s the sort of guy who remains hopelessly oblivious to these romantic feelings. He’s so preoccupied with the harness on Ben’s back, while Dr. Anne is like “I wouldn’t mind harnessing your body, if you catch my drift.” Then Tom would respond with some cliché like, “I’ll do anything to protect my family!” And Anne would be like *sigh*.
|Weaver is planning a full throttle attack on the aliens. One of the glorified extras has been sent out to collect intel. Tom says an unintentionally funny line when he asks: “No word yet from Dai?” Um, has that irrelevant Asian guy ever spoken a word on this show? If Falling Skies didn’t take itself so seriously, I would’ve thought that line was quite tongue-in-cheek. *lol*|
|Dai continues his vow of silence because he passes out upon his return to camp. Since Glorified Extra #2 dared to venture outside of a main character’s immunity aura, he had become heavily injured during his intel gathering.|
|As the resident expert in badassery, Pope leads the guns and bombs division of the resistance group. All the nameless extras do the hard work, while Pope uses this time to pick a fight with the youngest Mason child.|
|Pope: So what’s it like, walking around with that sweet Mason brand?
Matt: What’s it like, having hair like a girl?
OOOOOOOH BURN. Someone just got their adult ass served on a platter by this wisecracking eight-year-old boy!
|This schoolyard insult hits Pope where it hurts the most, because he appears *gobsmacked* and *stonefaced* afterwards. Pope tries to play it off in a dismissive way, acting as though he didn’t just get ~*majorly dissed*~ by some kid.
The score tally is Matt: 1, Pope: 0.
|Dai regains consciousness long enough to give expository information about this episode’s plot. Apparently, the general commander is dead dead dead, so the resistance group is ordered to call off their planned alien assault. However, that crazy old fart Weaver has gone off the deep end, because he insists on attacking the aliens even if it’s likely a suicide mission!|
|Before Tom could stage a mutiny and call out Weaver on being a crazy mofo, he’s suddenly deemed a threat to the resistance for undermining military authority!|
|To be honest, the first hour of the finale was pretty pointless. It could be summarized as “Tom and Weaver turn against each other’s authority”. So, I’m just going to fast forward and cut to the most exciting scenes in the episode.|
|And all these scenes involve guns, hell yeah!
Why have boring old conversations with each other when you can ramp up the drama by threatening everyone with your gun? If you wave a gun at somebody’s face, chances are that they’ll *have* to listen to you talk!
|Seriously, there was a LOT of pointing guns at each other’s heads in this episode. I lost track of who’s pointing a gun at whom.|
|Every time you think someone gained the upper hand in the situation, another person arrives with a bigger and better gun. It doesn’t take long before the tension escalates into A MOTHERFUCKING SHOOTOUT!!!|
|Anyway, Tom gives another tedious ~*inspirational speech*~ that eventually convinces Weaver to settle the gunfight. The captain still plans to attack the aliens, but he will no longer engage innocent civilians and unwilling fighters into the suicide mission.
Tom: I command you to put down The gun by the powers of BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH *random history reference* BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH…
|Young Matt decides to kick Pope in the balls again with another barbed insult.
Pope: The truth is, you little punk, you’re the kind of kid who should listen to his old man. That way, there’s no chance of you ending up like me.
The score stands at Matt: 2, Pope: 0
|And Margaret is like, ME NEXT! ME NEXT! I WANT TO BE THE NEXT ONE TO EMASCULATE POPE AND KICK HIM WHILE HE’S FEELING DOWN!|
|A group of volunteer fighters depart on their mission to attack the alien headquarters, led by Weaver and his giant phallic gun. Looks like someone is overcompensating much, captain.|
|The finale heats up in the second hour, especially when Rick goes into evil Spiderman mode and attacks humans from ceilings! Did I say evil? I actually meant ~AWESOME~.|
|Rick attempts to sabotage the resistance’s defences, but Ben catches him in the act. I didn’t pay close attention to the specific details, because I was too distracted by the VERY BAD ACTING in this scene. These two teenage actors cannot pull off an emotional conversation scene realistically. It was as cringeworthy as watching a middle school play rehearsal gone wrong.|
|Rick gets caught and makes a run for it. The kid shows surprising finesse as he does ~*aerobic gymnastics*~ in mid-air and then ~*skips merrily*~ across the lawn to make his escape! No one is able to stop him.|
|Remember this child hating asshole who tried to bully Ben from a few episodes ago? Well, he has no problems raising his gun at the harnessed kids and shooting their brains out if necessary!|
|I kinda love this guy because he’s so shameless and over-the-top in his douchebaggery. I hope he gets promoted to a larger role next season. He’s already a more interesting character than Dai and Anthony combined.|
|Rick betrayed the humans so that he can live among the aliens, where he feels like he truly belongs. Rick is like WHEN I GROW UP, I WANNA BE AN ~ALIEN~!!!|
|And this mouldy alien chick is like WE GIVE YOU A FREE ALIEN MEMBERSHIP FOR ALL UR HUMAN SECRKITS PLZ!|
|In the end, Rick’s misplaced loyalty doesn’t earn him recognition among the alien community. They won’t accept a de-harnessed human kid as one of ~them~. Rick starts sobbing because of his identity predicament, but you can tell that Tom barely gives a shit about this kid’s emotional breakdown. Now that the aliens know everything about the resistance group, Tom realizes all the civilians are now at risk!|
|Most of the resistance group escape just in time, while a small number of fighters stay behind to fend off the mech squad. Outnumbered and overpowered, the humans are at a disadvantage in combat with these killing machines.|
|Jimmy continues to fulfill his role as the most useless character on the show. He contributes nothing to this gunfight other than a few nervous expressions and crying like a little bitch!|
|While the others are engaged in a gunfight with the mechs, Ben is like INVISIBLE WEAPON BIATCHES and discovers a way to defeat the aliens with static interference. He tampers with the transmitter’s frequency waves to stop the aliens from attacking. This is an effective deux ex machina that involves very little use of the show’s CGI or explosions budget, so naturally it works!|
|Unable to let anyone else be the hero for a change, Tom steals his son’s glory and delivers the finishing blow to stop all the aliens.|
|And the mechs get scared away! Jimmy celebrates yet again for surviving another near-death experience even though he did jack shit.|
|BOW CHIKA BOW WOW. After they won the fight against the aliens, Tom treats himself to some steamy tongue action with the good doctor. It’s about damn time that Tom and Anne finally kiss each other!|
|It was kind of a kiss and run scenario though, because Tom immediately deserts her to embark on a new journey.
Tom: *wipes mouth with hand* Ehhh, it’s not you, it’s me. kthxbye.*leaves*
|It’s time for another mandatory Mason family glomp! I lost count of how many times these guys said farewell to each other, but Tom is going away again to help Weaver & Pope attack the aliens.|
|Ben and Hal sniff their father’s shoulder pads for comfort.|
|Tom arrives to find the rummage of a failed human attack on the alien headquarters. Surprisingly enough, Falling Skies resisted the temptation to kill off another black guy, although Glorified Extra #1 is heavily injured during the off-screen attack.|
|Tom decides to take on the alien structure all by himself because he’s a motherfucking action hero, that’s why!|
|Correction: Tom Mason is a motherfucking action hero with a big damn missile gun! Size does matter!|
|Tom knows that one missile won’t bring down the alien infrastructure or anything, but he launches it in the air anyway just for the lulz…|
|…and he makes a connecting hit! By some dumb luck only reserved for main characters, Tom manages to land a direct hit and causes a big bang explosion in the alien headquarters!|
Weaver: Good job, Tom! *secretly thinking* Goddamn Tom Mason, that glory-stealing golden boy bastard who always, always, ALWAYS has to step in and save the day. I was the one who led this stupid attack, yet he got to fire this awesome shot by just waltzing in near the end!? Fuck me, I hate this guy so much! But just keep smiling, and pretend like my ego isn’t totally bruised.
|Hal’s (ex?) girlfriend Karen makes a sudden appearance near the end, and she’s like HEY ANYONE STILL REMEMBER ME?|
|The feisty chick that we once knew has been replaced by a shell of her former self. The harnessed Karen is now just a messenger for her alien overlords, who would like to formally introduce themselves…|
|And this tall ugly alien creature is like, “Yo.”|
|And Tom is like, “OMGWTFDUDE.”|
|Karen informs Tom that the alien overlords would like to meet with him in their spaceship to get probed and stuff. They find him a very interesting specimen that requires further analysis and diagnosis. Any resistance will result in triggering the harness aftereffects on Ben’s back.
With his son’s well-being at risk, Tom has no choice but to agree to the alien’s commands. The finale ends with Tom leaving to go on the spaceship!
|*X-Files music begins to play*
YAY. OMG we did it, you guys! We made it through the entire first season of this shitfest. Who’s ready for another one? For those of you who enjoyed my Falling Skies recap, you might be interested in my future coverage on another Spielberg sci-fi drama “Terra Nova” in September and most likely the second season of “The Walking Dead” in October. And when “Falling Skies” comes back next year, let’s hope the show continues to suck so you can make fun of it right here alongside with me! See you then!