|Tom and his sons struggle in a post-apocalyptic world during an ongoing alien invasion; Tom gets captured by a bunch of mercenary outlaws.|
|Falling Skies is a new post-apocalyptic sci-fi show airing on TNT. It follows the lives of the survivors during an ongoing alien invasion. The premise sounds interesting enough, but the show has gotten mixed reviews at best. Here at Recap Everything, I will guide you through the 2-hour season premiere to determine if Falling Skies is a worthy TV program or not (SPOILER ALERT: it’s a total shitfest, hang in there!).|
|The story takes place in a human world where aliens have taken over and killed the mass population. These creatures dubbed “skitters” attack with ~colourful~ disco laser beams, and use special harnesses to control the minds of young children. These aliens look like giant mutant spiders.|
|The pilot episode begins with a father/son duo escaping from a heated alien attack, having failed to retrieve any food resources. The less said about the special effects in this show (and they certainly are, erm, *special*), the more you will be able to enjoy this program.|
|In my opinion, one of the biggest problems for Falling Skies is that they talk INCESSANTLY on this show. It’s all YAP YAP YAP and not enough of KILL KILL KILL. There’s just too much talking in the first 10-15 minutes of this show, which wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing by default, but the problem is compounded by the clunky expository dialogue and a whole lot of uninteresting clichéd characters.|
|The first few scenes of the show were a complete snoozefest until this glorified extra delivered his one line of dialogue in such an over-the-top hammy way: “PROFESSOR KICKASS!!!” Then I woke up and started tuning in to the show again. (SPOILER ALERT: He gets killed off in a later scene, probably because of his awful/awesome acting.)|
|The show does have a few good things going for it, one of which is the very likable and very scruffy lead actor Noah Wyle. Meet his character Tom Mason, a history professor (*snooze*) who survived the apocalypse with his three sons. His youngest child Matt is an annoying little shit who complains that no one is celebrating his birthday while they’re running away from the aliens.|
|Tom is travelling with a large band of survivors, who admits early on that they’re overpowered by the aliens and have to relocate elsewhere. From the massive pile of discarded books *lol* (it’s funny because it would’ve been true), Professor Tom decides to bring a light read because he’s such an ~*intellectual*~ protagonist.|
|Professor Tom is a widower who’s quite chummy with the doctor character of the show (played by Moon Bloodgood, notable for her name alone). Since she refers to her unseen husband and son in the past tense, I’m just going to conclude that Professor Tom and Dr. Anne will boink each other later in the series.|
|Tom has two teenage sons as well. The one pictured here is named Hal, who’s another annoying little shit given too much unnecessary screentime. Hal also has a romantic subplot as two other girls fawn over him, which is kinda hilarious because the aliens might have killed off most of the humans, but they could never kill off the tired love triangle trope.|
|The other son is Ben, who has been captured by the aliens. We don’t know anything about this annoying little shit (probably an accurate presumption, given Tom’s poor track record), but the Mason family is determined to rescue him from captivity.|
|These aliens apparently steal children and then control them through some harness apparatus. The harnesses cannot be removed forcibly, or it will kill the attached specimen. As we can see, Ben is already under the alien’s freaky mind control!|
|Since the survivors are relocating, that means the Masons will have to abandon Ben if they travel with the pack. Hal just wants to dive straight into action and rescue his brother like a reckless teenager would, but his papa gives him a smackdown that they’ll all get killed without some kind of well-devised plan.|
|Halfway through the pilot episode, we get another alien battle in a dimly lit location. These alien creatures have six legs, but apparently their robots move with two feet or something. The show gives us a wordy explanation about this, but I wasn’t really paying attention to their perpetual yakking. *bad recapping ftw*|
|The humans manage to win the battle through a little trickery and a lot of good luck. Tom, Hal and a bunch of makeshift soldiers corner this tiny defeated alien with their shotguns.|
|Sadly, the *emotive* alien is actually one of the better actors on this show.|
|They celebrate this little dipshit’s birthday with a cupcake. Matt gets a skateboard as a birthday present. As the kids play around with the skateboard, the grown-ups are all *smiles* and *teary eyed* because the show wants us to think this is a moving scene. And if the reaction shots aren’t enough, then I’m sure the LOUD EMOTIONAL MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND will convince us otherwise!!!|
|Since this is a two-hour premiere, we get double the amount of the shitfest. The second episode “The Armoury” is a little more entertaining, I guess, but there’s still way too much YAP YAP YAP for my liking.
It begins with an alien attacking this kid Jimmy, who runs out of safety to protect his dog Nemo. Since the purpose of this scene is to establish Tom as the hero, he saves the dumbass kid who just stands there waiting to be shot!
|The alien misses its shot and lasers the car instead, which causes a big flashy explosion. Somehow, both the kid and the dog manage to survive. Everyone leaves the scene unscathed.|
|Speaking of kids who just won’t die, we see that Tom and his family get pretty nice digs for a post-apocalyptic world! Since Tom is a soldier, he gets first dibs on the big houses and comfy beds, while the rest of the civilians have to sleep outside in tents instead.|
|Dr. Anne protests that the civilians, especially some of her patients, should get to sleep inside the houses too. She argues that while they might not fight the aliens like the soldiers do, the “eaters” contribute too via cooking, cleaning, and washing. Captain Weaver is like WELL THEN, UR PPL ARE FREE TO LEAVE OUR PROTECTION AND COOK/CLEAN/WASH AGAINST THE ALIENS ON YOUR OWN! GOOD DAY!|
|Tom: Civilians versus the military, it’s an age old question.
Anne: What side do you come down on?
Tom: I think civilians are a liability and a hindrance. I also feel that they’re the best motivation we have to fight.
Anne: Do you wanna trade places and give up one of your houses then?
Tom: OH HELL NO. BITCH GO BACK TO YOUR TENT.
|Hal has a blonde girlfriend called Karen, but this other teenage girl name Lourdes obviously has a big crush on him too. Karen is mostly like TWO’S COMPANY, THREE’S A CROWD *hint hint*, but Lourdes is usually too busy chanting PRAISE JESUS MY GOD & SAVIOUR to know that she’s the third wheel.|
|Lourdes: I know a lot of people have lost their faith, but mine is stronger than ever.
Karen: GOOD FOR YOU. NEXT TIME YOU PRAY, DO IT SOMEWHERE OFF A CLIFF, KTHXINADVANCE.
Lourdes:: I don’t pray for God to give me things. I don’t think that’s how it works. I ask God to show me what I could do for him.
Karen: O RLY?
Lourdes: YA RLY.
Hal: Threesome, anyone?
|Between the hard talking atheist Karen and the oblivious bible thumper Lourdes, this love triangle has a lot of trainwreck potential.|
|Hal and Karen try to get affectionate with each other in the bedroom, but Tom cockblocks his own son by entering at an inopportune moment. He’s like LOLOLOL GET ANOTHER ROOM U TWO, and both teens are like *awkward*. It’s apparently made even more awkward since the walls are paper thin and everyone could hear them talking.|
|The soldiers go on a mission to scout the area and clear any possible threats, but Jimmy is excluded from participating because he’s now viewed as a liability.|
|During the expedition, the glorified extra quickly gets shot in the chest with a barrage of arrows. He gives a hilariously hammy death scene going all :-O :-O :-O during his five seconds of airtime. I LOVE THIS GUY. Too bad he’s dead now.|
|It turns out that the soldiers walked straight into a trap. They’ve been ambushed and captured by a group of human mercenaries.|
|The rebels give a horribly written racist tirade about how they’re going to kill off the token minority characters (no, seriously), but first they’re going to shoot Tom because he’s clearly the leader of the pack!!!|
|Hal pleads for his papa’s life, and offers to give the rebels a helluva gunpower/ammunition if they spare their lives. The rebel leader Pope decides to release the kid from imprisonment so that he can retrieve these promised resources.|
|On his way back to camp, Hal tries to negotiate with one of the mercenaries named Maggie. When he fails to persuade her, Hal pulls a fast one and attacks her instead!|
|It doesn’t end well with Hal, because he gets his ass kicked by a chick!|
|Maggie is like TRY TO ATTACK ME AGAIN, I DARE YOU. MY GUN IS LARGER THAN THE SIZE OF YOUR SHRIVELLING DICK.|
|Tom and Pope have a long YAKKING session where they both ramble on about pretty much nothing. They just yap on and on about SKITTERS and COOTIES and SAVING THE WORLD and HOW IT HAS ALL GONE TO HELL. Meanwhile, please wake me up when something exciting finally happens.|
|Captain Weaver refuses to give up any weaponry, because he doesn’t cooperate with dirty outlaws. As far as he’s concerned, the captives are just the casualties of war, and he won’t bother to rescue any of them.|
|Hal can’t come back empty-handed, so Dr. Anne goes with him to offer her medical services to one of the injured mercenaries. This isn’t a good enough bargain for Pope, who personally goes to negotiate the terms with Captain Weaver. He instructs Maggie to stay and keep an eye on the captives.|
|During his meeting with the captain general, Pope bluffs and talks a big game. He threatens to launch a serious bloodbath if his terms are not met. Captain Weaver has no choice but to comply with these demands.|
|And Pope just bursts into a cheeky grin afterwards, because he knows he got away with the biggest bullshitting ever!!!|
|While the boss is away, one of the henchmen has taken a liking to the “sexy freedom fighter” Karen. He starts to make lecherous remarks about her body…|
|His comments must have triggered something within Maggie, because she suddenly starts shooting all of her accomplices in the room!!!|
|It turns out that Maggie had been taken hostage by these men, who also raped her in the past. Now it’s the perfect opportunity for payback time, and Maggie does not mess around!
Maggie: After they grabbed me three months ago, Billy…let’s just say he deserved to die. Cueball thought he was better because he brought chocolate. He wasn’t.
By the way, can I just reiterate that Maggie is an awesome character?
|The other rebels have caused such a large ruckus during their takeover, which unfortunately for them drew attention from the aliens in the skies!|
|And all the bad guys are conveniently blown up into pieces!|
|Pope manages to drive away and save himself at the nick of time, but he still gets captured by Captain Weaver anyway.|
|Pope gets his ass thrown into jail, while his only surviving henchwoman Maggie is settling in just fine at her new home. Tom seems to have bonded with Pope during their earlier conversation, and he’ll probably turn to Pope for some cunning strategies against the aliens in the future.
Plus, this show could use a second-rate Sawyer knockoff in their cast.
|After getting the stamp of approval from Captain Weaver, Tom and his merry band of followers embark on a new journey to rescue his son Ben. YAY NEW ADVENTURE TIME!!! *ends episode*
And so ends the first two episodes of Falling Skies. There were undoubtedly some interesting aspects about this show, but my god a lot of the scenes just dragged on forever without moving the plot forward. Falling Skies is kind of a shit show, which means I’ll still recap about it every now and then just to capture the full awfulness. Stay tuned!