|Anyone watching Switched at Birth? The finale is tomorrow night, and I just caught up to all the episodes up until now. I must admit that I’m a HUGE sap for corny family dramas, so this show was right up my alley. Although the premise put me off at first – babies switched at birth for 16 years reeked of a daytime soap opera / Desperate Housewives storyline – the drama is riveting and the show has a lot of heart. Switched at Birth really puts the “family” in the “ABC Family” network.|
|The penultimate episode begins with a ~*fantasy scene*~ where Daphne and Bay had each other’s life from birth.
I admit…I was a bit shocked to hear Daphne’s actress speak without her usual ‘deaf accent’. Apparently, Katie Leclerc doesn’t have this pronounced accent in her real life, so all the power to her for making her character’s voice sound so believable in the show!
|In a dream sequence that would make Freud’s head spin, Daphne imagines the alternative life Daphne (in Bay’s body) would still be a deaf girl who makes out with Emmett. This is really complex, because Daphne is currently living this version of her life, which means she’s projecting her real desires upon her alternative lifestyle alter-ego. Or something to that effect. Do you know what I mean? (Make note to never try psychoanalysis in a TV recap again.)|
|Ever since Regina dropped the bombshell last episode, she has been hiding away at her friend Melody’s house. However, Melody tells Regina that it’s time for her to go back and make amends with her family…which is just a nice way to *hint* to her friend that she needs to stop freeloading in her house!|
|Unfortunately, Regina is not welcomed back by anyone. Daphne still holds a grudge against her mama bear for withholding the truth from her. Although Grandmama Vasquez insists they’re a family regardless of the circumstances, Daphne decides to move in with her “real” parents instead of staying with Regina.|
|Daphne: I mean, just when I thought I’d gotten used to “Surprise! You were switched at birth!”…|
|Daphne: …suddenly it’s “Surprise! Your mom knew all along!” *lol*|
|If Daphne can’t handle any more surprises in her life, then she won’t be pleased to find out that her best friend has hooked up with her alternative life sister!|
|Bay’s graffiti artist persona returns, as she confides in Emmett about her ~*artist with a gritty edge*~ secret that nobody except for one failed ex-boyfriend knew about. And since Emmett won’t be in any danger to leave Switched at Birth to star in an inferior Pretty Little Liars knockoff program, her secret is safe with him!|
|Bay’s next ambitious project is to smear her badass graffiti across this empty billboard for thousands to see. Instead of using her shitloads of money to buy the billboard space legally, Bay decides that it’s more logical to sneak here in the middle of the night and engage in more criminal activities!|
|Melody makes a lot of sarcastic remarks about her son’s budding friendship with this rich bitch. Bay’s attempt to communicate with her shabby ASL does not go over well.
Melody: Son, I didn’t know you were the type to go for hearing tramps.
|Melody does not like Bay one iota, and thinks that her son’s relationship with a hearing girl is doomed. Maintaining a romance between two deaf people is already hard enough; how is he ever going to make it work with a hearing / deaf relationship?|
|In order to win favour with her other daughter, Regina insists that she’s a good mother since she has kept tabs on Bay throughout her childhood. She attended Bay’s piano recital at seven years old, and even helped her drink from a water fountain.|
|And Bays’ reaction is like, “Well whoop-dee-doo, you gave me water that one time when I was feeling thirsty. Someone go hand this woman a mother-of-the-year award right now!”|
|Bay and Daphne share their 16th birthday together in this episode (or are they 17? I don’t even know how old these girls are.) Daphne is obviously happy and just grateful to have such a big family gathering for her birthday, whereas Bay is like GIMME MAH BIRTHDAY CAR BITCH!|
|While most teenagers just get birthday cards, the Kennish family celebrate this occasion by buying all their children a brand new birthday car. They even call in sick so they can take their daughters to go shopping.
Kathryn: WOOWOOWOO~ HOLLA, IT’S A PART-EH UP IN THIS BITCH!
|While Bay gets this weird ass car that’s probably part of a product placement campaign, Daphne is a little reluctant to receive such an expensive present for her birthday. In the end, she takes a moderately priced car as her gift. Then, Kathryn makes this really obnoxious remark that only a rich person would dare to make: “Looks like we’re gonna need more garages!”
Ugh, wealthy people.
|Regina gets into a heated argument with John and Kathryn over buying this expensive car, because there can’t be an episode of Switched at Birth without the three parents disagreeing about something.|
|Daphne: STFU ADULTS! I’LL JUST RETURN THE DAMN CAR. *crashes* Oops. It sure is a good thing that the Volkswagen Thing is such a sturdy, reliable, and reasonably priced automotive vehicle so there’s barely even a noticeable scratch! *smiles at camera* Contact your VW dealer today!|
|Melody knows that you can’t be a male love interest on an ABC Family program without a shirtless scene, so she lifts up Emmett’s shirt to check on his conveniently positioned injury! (Bay got wounded too, and you don’t see anyone trying to lift up her shirt, m’kay?)|
|Emmett makes up one of the most unconvincing excuses about why he got injured. In reality, he and Bay got hurt when they were trying to escape the police from the failed graffiti attempt.|
|Add corrupting her son to the long list of reasons why Melody hates his new girlfriend. Even Bay gets the vibe that she isn’t favoured by Emmett’s mother.|
|The jubilant birthday party is underway…until an unwelcomed guest decides to crash at the festivities!|
|Regina is like *awkward* as she demands to attend her daughters’ birthday party.|
|And John Kennish immediately pipes up: “ENTRY DENIED. I WILL NOT HAVE THIS WOMAN EAT CAKE ON MY PROPERTY. BEGONE, GTFO, DIAF, YOU EVIL LYING WITCH.”|
|Bay: STFU asshat. I want my mom here for my birthday.
John: *whimpers* Oh. Okay then.
|Kathryn makes a classy speech about how blessed she is to have two daughters, and she welcomes all the new people in her life – including Regina.
Kathryn: 16 years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. And I brought home another beautiful little girl. Even though it’s hard right now to make peace with everything that has happened, tonight I feel very lucky to have two incredible daughters, and all of the people that come with them. So, happy birthday!
|Bay was a bit dumbfounded when she opened Emmett’s birthday present, which appeared to be a very ugly dishwasher rag! (They call it a scarf, but I digress.)|
|And Emmett looks so proud of himself at Bay’s birthday present, because he’s like: YOU’RE ~SO~ WELCOME, BB. I TOOK THE TIME & EFFORT TO PLUCK THAT UGLY RAG FROM MY HOME’S DISHWASHER. HOPE YOU LIKE IT!|
|In contrast, Emmett went all out to get Daphne the best birthday present possible, which is a special signed copy of a ‘Deafenstein’ poster, which is apparently a campy version of the Frankenstein film where everyone communicates via ASL. (Just wait until they launch the new Earless Potter franchise; it’s going to be ~*big*~ in the deaf community.)|
|Daphne fucking loves her birthday present, which obviously doesn’t sit well with Bay as she shoots daggers at the happy couple.|
|Later, Emmett tells Bay that wasn’t her real birthday present as he blindfolds her with the handkerchief. And Bay is like OH-EM-GEE, MAH BOYFRIEND IS INTO KINKY SHIT AND I ~LIKE~ IT!|
|It turns out Emmett’s real birthday present is that he rented the billboard space in order to broadcast Bay’s artwork. How fucking cool! Is he not the most awesome boyfriend ever? If this is his usual standard for gifts, I can’t wait to see what kind of present Emmett gives her for Valentine’s Day.|
|My black heart is melting at how unbelievably sweet and adorable this couple is. Emmett is such a doll, and even Bay becomes much less of a bitch when she’s around him. After this scene, I’m totally on board with the Bemmett ship! *waves fan flag*|
|After the party is over, Regina pulls Daphne aside for a heart-to-heart as she gives her daughter a birthday present. It’s a handmade crafts book containing Daphne’s favourite recipes, take-out menus, and a couple of cereal box tops. Happy birthday, Daphne!|
|This scene makes me laugh because Daphne had the same reaction that I did. She starts cracking up at her mom’s attempt to make nice, because it’s such a shitty albeit well-meaning birthday present. The Kennish family got her a brand new car, while Regina got her…take-out menus!?
Daphne: Are you kidding!? This is seriously the worst present on earth. Cereal box tops and take-out menus? This sucks!
|Now that they broke the ice, Daphne and Regina are on speaking terms again. Daphne is still angry at her mother, but she’s learning to forgive her day by day.
Daphne: I miss you. I keep wanting to forgive you and make everything how it was before, but you kept this huge thing from me. And every time I think about it, I just get mad all over again! I guess I’m just stubborn…
|Toby, resuming his role as the president of the Team Regina fan club, tells his father to stop acting like such a dick. So what if Regina knowingly kidnapped his child for the past twelve and a half years? People make ~*mistakes*~ and they learn from them afterwards!|
|And Papa Kennish is like, “Wow son, what a fine demonstration of maturity and human compassion that I’m going to blatantly ignore since I’m a total asshat. Good day!”|
|At the end of the episode, Daphne suddenly comes to the realization that she’s ~*so in love*~ with her best friend Emmett, who has been there for her throughout her entire life.|
|And Bay is like, “Bitch, Emmett just bought me a fucking billboard for my birthday. Do you read my lips? A. Fucking. Billboard. My billboard trumps your poster any day of the week. So girlfriend, back off mah man!”|